Pam

[Hawkman]

Pam is Zeus' manicurist...

[papayahed]

PAM can talk with dolphins

[Hawkman]

Pam's middle name is Flipper

[Sancho]

Pam's middle finger is a flipper as well

[Calidore]

PAM actually got flipped off by a dolphin.

[Hawkman]

Pam does tricks with a ball for fish

[papayahed]

PAM is the reigning gold fish swallowing champ of his neighborhood.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is known a "Mademoiselle Mange-tout" in France.

[papayahed]

PAM braids his back hair.

[Pompey Bum]

Heh heh.

Pam has pet names for her cellulite lumps. (:))

[Hawkman]

Pam waxes her cat.

[Pompey Bum]

Her? Hmmmph!

Pam enters poems in LitNet contests and doesn't check to see whether he won. Cough cough.

[Hawkman]

Pam might observe that the person above him entered his poem six months ago when the deadline for judging was in September 2014. It occurs to me that the fault of neglecting the thread lies not with the poet, but with the judge, who didn't actually pick a winner until 1st April 2015! Small wonder, then, that the person above Pam lost interest and stopped checking-in... :devil:

Pam generates black holes with stolen red matter and collapses other people's planets with them.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam really shouldn't feel that bad about it. :)

[North Star]

Pam gets spam in the email and eats it.

[Pompey Bum]

Heh heh. Pam went through almost all the salted reindeer last winter.

[tonywalt]

PAM puts digital moustaches on digital photos.

[Pompey Bum]

Heh.

Pam airbrushes out the stretch marks on his ego. (:))

[Pendragon]

PAM is lost from ancient Pompey, and judging by the avatar, has been "statued"

[Pompey Bum]

Pam keeps his diploma on his dashboard so he can park in handicapped spaces. (:))

[Pendragon]

Pompey, I am disabled. I don't park in those spots because I can walk fine.

The PAM takes himself too seriously, but has a wicked sense of humor! :wave:

[Pompey Bum]

Thanks, Pen. I apologize for the indelicacy of my comment. If it helps (and I know it doesn't), I'm have a disability, too; only a small one, thank God, but when I am in the US, I take full advantage of the parking spaces (and I miss them terribly when I am away). Anyway, sorry. This thread is not to be taken seriously, right? :)

Pam was at the Battle of Bull Run. He was the one that run! (Old joke).

[Pendragon]

PAM is an OK Joe, but he has no idea what a Southern man thinks about The War Between The States. You can call it the Civil War only because you won, damn yankees!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam pomades his mustachios.

[Pendragon]

PAM uses Grecian Formula on his beard!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam uses Just for Men on his nose hairs.

[Pendragon]

HA! My mustache could use it! :D

PAM is obsessed with other people's beauty habits

[Pompey Bum]

Pam uses the term "beauty habits" very loosely. :)

[Pendragon]

PAM knows the term "beauty habits" even more loosely! :D

[tonywalt]

PAM has is actually "John Boy" Walton igconito. Mary Ellen is on here too, but less active.

[Pendragon]

PAM has mistaken a Southern Gentleman for a TV moron, but the resemblance only exists in Potsie's mind there...

[Pompey Bum]

Pam plays "Dixie" backwards to get the Satanic messages. (:))

[Pendragon]

PAM must have tried playing an album backwards for some reason himself! :D

(Seriously, who the heck would ever have dreamed or had the equipment to play an album backwards in the first place? Bet they tried after preachers said it was so! Dolts!)

[Pompey Bum]

All you had to do was put the needle on the record and push it the wrong way around. Why Satan didn't just write a book remains a mystery.

Pam is map spelled backwards.

[papayahed]

PAM wears granola bars around his neck to ward off evil spirits.

[Pendragon]

PAM is the same old funny Grover of old! :wave:

[Pompey Bum]

Pam waves at Sesame Street characters.

[tonywalt]

PAM still eats cookies uttering the famous cookie monster mantra, "nyum nyum nyum nyum, me want cookies!"

[Pendragon]

PAM has a bank account in the Cayman Islands

[Pompey Bum]

Pam constantly asks himself: "What would Mr. Snuffaluffagus do?

[tonywalt]

PAM parties with Ernie and Bert

[North Star]

Pam is an advocate of flipism.

[Pendragon]

PAM possibly takes themselves too seriously

[tonywalt]

PAM secretly fancied john boy walton's mother.

[Pendragon]

PAM assumes I had a TV and ever saw the Waltons...

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's mustache smells like Skittles.

[tonywalt]

PAM is the town crier - a coveted job with pork barrel projects, if you play it right.

[Pendragon]

PAM has been out in the Cayman Island sun too long

[tonywalt]

PAM is the 'go to' guy when it comes to Appalachian moonshine.

[Pendragon]

PAM is a user

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is an oozer.

[tonywalt]

PAM takes their shoes off and slides across the floor at formal parties, then laughs their head off - and does it all over again exclaiming, "I'm gonna be doing this all night long!"

[Pendragon]

PAM is a registered user, by his own admission!

[tonywalt]

PAM has a corner on the rare 8-track market.

[Pendragon]

The PAM has given away his age by even knowing what an eight track tape is!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam plays a mean whiskey jug.

[tonywalt]

PAM is strangely always right above me in this thread

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is strangely below me in most things. (:))

[Pendragon]

PAM has became a white rabbit!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam would mention race first.

[Pendragon]

PAM would assume that white meant race and not fur color... ;)

[papayahed]

PAM shaves his arms.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam plucks her moles.

[tonywalt]

Pam enters rooms with the Tom Cruise "Old time rock and roll" sock slide.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam flies a Jolly Roger from the back of his scooter.

[Pendragon]

PAM being a white furred rabbit is always late for everything!

[papayahed]

PAM makes clothing out of corn silk.

[Hawkman]

Pam does unspeakable things to squirrels.

[Pendragon]

PAM is an escapee from the Justice League

[tonywalt]

PAM makes mooing noises when passing cows on fields besides the road.

[Hawkman]

Pam is a justice in league with the squirrel mob.

Edit: (wrong Pam!)

Pam is really Judge Dredd!

[papayahed]

PAM has an unnatural affection for squirrels.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam rides catfish sidesaddle across the Red River.

[papayahed]

PAM is making a squirrel pelt coat.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam stuffs nuts in her cheeks.

[papayahed]

PAM is lurking somewhere in the Red River.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam uses armadillos as roller skates.

[Pendragon]

PAM enjoys armadillo as "possum on the half shell"

@tonywalt *chuckle* OK I will admit to that one! Also to yelling "Fore!" when passing a golf course!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam reads movie subtitles out loud.

[Pendragon]

like the PAM doesn't!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam moves his lips at stop signs.

[tonywalt]

PAM tells everyone in the cinema or the room the entire plot as the movie goes along.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam hums "Secret Agent Man" on his way to work.

[tonywalt]

PAM hums 'Eye of the Tiger' and punches the air, Rocky Balboa' style on their way to every destination.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam cries, "Shiver me timbers!" during sex.

[papayahed]

PAM hangs around the women's prison looking for dates.

[Hawkman]

Pam dates the invisible man and then accuses him of standing her up, even when he hasn't.

[Pendragon]

PAM stood up Hawkgirl...

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's corncob pipe is the envy of the holler.

[Pendragon]

PAM is unaware I prefer my bulldog...

http://www.smokershaven.com/images/products/detail/12010902008.jpg

[Pompey Bum]

Pam slips Confederate currency into strippers' garters.

[Pendragon]

PAM is the one frequenting these establishments, I have never been in one and never will be. Besides, my Confederate Money is all tied up in land for when The South rises again!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam creases his trousers with the knife he uses to gut deer.

[papayahed]

PAM collects those little twist ties that keeps bread closed.

[Pompey Bum]

Of course I save twisties. Any sane man would.

Pam throws failed suitors to the hungry crawfish.

[Pendragon]

PAM smokes crawdads

[tonywalt]

PAM wakes up early to watch Royal Weddings and while no tears are shed - after the wedding walks onto the street and exclaims, "LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!"

[Pompey Bum]

Pam dates interactive software.

[tonywalt]

PAM grabs the microphone at formal events and proposes to women. Many accept.

[Pendragon]

PAM wishes he had the courage to propose...

[Pompey Bum]

Pam had a red hot Sadie Hawkins day.

[Pendragon]

Actually, PAM, that was an event when I was in High School. I was never asked. The only school dance I attended was the Senior Prom. My date and I are still married since 1979.

Anyhoo, PAM needs to check his last post in The Devil's Dictionary!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam was baptized in mosquito repellent.

[Pendragon]

PAM's uncanny valley is next to the point of no return

[Pompey Bum]

Pam had porcupine for Thanksgiving.

[Pendragon]

PAM bought the quills of said porcupine on e-bay as "natural acupuncture needles."

[Pompey Bum]

Pam considers snake handling the eighth Sacrament.

[Pendragon]

PAM is talking with a forked tongue!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam knows 17 ways to prepare bullhead.

[Pendragon]

PAM thinks Bullhead eggs are caviar.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam was thrown out of a Green Day concert for yelling, "DO-SI-DO!"

[Pendragon]

PAM was thrown out of a karaoke bar for his mishmash of "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt"

[Pompey Bum]

Pam sings the theme to Gilligan's Island in the bathtub, splashing the water around when he gets to: "The weather started getting rough!"

[papayahed]

PAM uses the same bath water for 3 weeks.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam paints her toenails with roofing tar.

[Pendragon]

PAM has a collection of toenail cuttings that date back 10 years

[Pompey Bum]

Pam keeps a tiny bird feeder in his armpit hair.

[Tyrion Cheddar]

As this game looks like more fun than a barrel o' monkey innards, I'd like in. Alas, I've no idea who Pam is. A little 'elp, please?

[Pompey Bum]

(Pam = "person above me").

Pam eats Spotted Dick from the can.

[Pendragon]

PAM seems to have experience with eating this ignobly named treat from the can...

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's wearing his Leave It to Beaver boxer shorts.

[Pendragon]

PAM sleeps in the buff

[Pompey Bum]

Pam buffs in his sleep.

[Pendragon]

PAM is President of Schlock and Awe, attorneys against law

[Pompey Bum]

Pam sees possum and muskrat as "two great tastes that taste great together."

[Pendragon]

PAM seems to know little of down South fine dining in America! :)

[Pompey Bum]

Pam doesn't see why they took My Mother the Car off the air.

[Pendragon]

Actually, I never saw a single episode!

PAM makes assumptions at times. all in good fun! :)

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is president of the Jerry Van Dyke fan club.

[Pendragon]

PAM is President of said club!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam doesn't see why life can't be more like Malcolm in the Middle.

[Pendragon]

PAM seems to like me for some reason

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's smarter than he looks. :)

[Pendragon]

Has the PAM ever actually seen a picture of me? Darn right. I couldn't be as stupid as I look! :)

[Sancho]

Pam uses the automated checker station at the grocery store and pays with a sack full of pennies, feeds them into the machine one at a time, deliberately, methodically, while Sancho is waiting in line.

[papayahed]

PAM is the dude at the grocery store that writes checks.

[Hawkman]

Pam holds up the queues in grocery stores with her dedicated team of one-armed bandits.

[Pendragon]

PAM flies to the checkout counter and perches on it screaming at everyone

[Pompey Bum]

Pam calls his hunting knife "Lonesome Sue."

[Pendragon]

PAM will have to be more specific. I probably have fifty hunting knives...

[papayahed]

PAM has named each of his hunting knifes.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam wonders if vanishing cream would work on her boyfriend.

[Pendragon]

PAM should offer to try the experiment on himself, being the helpful person that I know he is! :)

[Pompey Bum]

Pam calls his favorite knife "Possumsbane."

[papayahed]

PAM hids under the bed every time he hears thunder.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam keeps crawfish under her pillow in case she gets peckish during the night.

[papayahed]

When PAM gets peckish he makes a collard green sandwich.

[Pendragon]

PAM is the same old furry, lovable Grover as ever!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam doesn't see why you even have to roast the damn possum.

[tonywalt]

PAM prefers to stir martinis

[Pompey Bum]

Pam can shake a martini for me. Very dry. Two olives. Chop chop.

[Pendragon]

PAM should know that Southern people like fried chicken, corn on the cob, taters and gravy, biscuits, collard greens, etc.... But we don't eat possum or raccoons. Squirrels, rabbits, deer, grouse, pheasant, wild duck, even groundhogs. NO POSSUM, NO RACCOON!

[Pendragon]

SERIOUS THOUGHT

During this time of sorrow because some prejudiced loser had to go shoot up a Black Church in the South after they had welcomed him to their Bible study, I ask all of my friends, as a show of respect, to not post anymore Southern comments about me. I was raised to respect people of all races and the street I grew up on was mixed about half white, half black. We helped each other, played at each others' house, and ate at each others' tables. This was in Marion, VA extreme SW and in the mountains in the late sixties early seventies. I abhor people who commit hate crimes against anyone one. You may have a right to feel the way you like but you cannot infringe on others' lives. Thanks.

Uncle Pen

[Pompey Bum]

The Pam thread will now take a break while everyone sort of gets a grip.

[papayahed]

PAM picks his nose and eats it.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam saves time by simply eating her nose.

[papayahed]

PAM saves his toenail clippings and gives them as presents.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam glues favorite balls of navel lint in a scrapbook.

[Pendragon]

The PAM has a mounted white rabbit suit as a trophy on his bedroom wall...

[tonywalt]

PAM using lines and gestures from the Godfather movies when negotiating all pedestrian matters.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam plays James Bond music on his cellphone whenever he enters a room.

[tonywalt]

PAM still tells kids, "go play cowboys and indians" to the chagrin of the neighbors.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is a Native American giver.

[Pendragon]

PAM is a man of refinement and taste

[Sancho]

Pam figured California is the place he oughtta be, so he loaded up the truck and he moved to Beverly

[Pendragon]

PAM charges windmills with a lance on horseback

[papayahed]

PAM went on a three hour tour.

[Sancho]

Pam's imagination isn't good enough to tilt at windmills, he's a mere horse holder

[papayahed]

PAM know's darn well I'm a chick!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's favorite castaway is Mrs Howell.

[Pendragon]

PAM could have been a contenduh...

[Sancho]

Pam is coo coo for cocoa puffs!

[papayahed]

Silly PAM, Trix are for kids.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is known as the fifth Monkee.

[Pendragon]

PAM is the fifth member of The Banana Splits, Bum the White Rabbit!

https://thehelplessdancer.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/the-banana-splits.jpg

[Sancho]

Pam spent much of her youth with a hooka-smoking caterpillar

[tonywalt]

PAM spends his adulthood smoking a hooka and talking of starting a hippy commune (the caterpillar is not present).

[Pompey Bum]

Pam spends all his money on hookahs.

[tonywalt]

PAM has expensive hookahs and brings them and says to guests, "sit indian style, and try the Hindi Sweet Tabacco, it'll take you to a whole new place."

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's hookahs knock on his hotel room door late at night.

[tonywalt]

PAM watches Easy Rider and says "I used to do that kind of stuff, it was a crazy time, hell, I remember once in........"

[Pompey Bum]

Pam stuffs caterpillars into a hookah because he can't figure out how else to smoke them.

[tonywalt]

(Pam is really into hookahs). OK refresh: PAM often describes himself as Kafkaesque

[Sancho]

One morning, when Pam woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a hooka-smoking caterpillar.

[tonywalt]

PAM calls the kettle black and uses the pot to make tea, it's the craziest thing.

[Sancho]

Pam boils green tea in his black kettle, puts pot in his hooka, listens to Grace Slick on the radio, and tries to remember what he did with the 'h' that belongs at the end of his hooka.

[tonywalt]

PAM eats spinich 'cuz it ''makes him strong'' - a mantra he has never droppped.

[Pendragon]

PAM is on an anti alcohol and cigarette campaign

[tonywalt]

PAM is has been with Litnet for just about 10 years.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam has an invisible friend called Captain Howdy.

[papayahed]

PAM is an invisible friend.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam slips into the Professor's hut after Gilligan puts out the tiki torches.

[tonywalt]

PAM makes recently mastered the robot dance and intends to start dancing that way, alot.

[Pompey Bum]

Fish throw Pam back.

[papayahed]

PAM cuts all his food into tiny little pieces so he doesn't have to chew.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam licked the frosting off her birthday cake before giving anyone a piece.

[tonywalt]

PAM throws pies in peoples faces - just for fun, it's his thing.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam lies down in a bath and hollers "Thar she blows!"

[tonywalt]

PAM takes bubble baths and has splash fights with himself. The splash fights are organised with rules and regulation and he keeps score, sometimes winning, sometimes losing. He emerges many days (and nights) victorious - and celebrates with a milk and cookies.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is a card carrying member of The Hair Club for Men.

[Pendragon]

The PAM is a member in good standing of The Dead Rabbits Society...

[tonywalt]

PAM eats gluten, and just gluten.

[Pompey Bum]

Gluten eats Pam.

[tonywalt]

PAM has a deep and elaborate inner life acting as Hazel the rabbit (and the other characters) from Watership Down.

[Pompey Bum]

When Pam swims, sharks become anorexic.

[tonywalt]

PAM spends hours telling residents and visitors that the Blue Ridge Mountains aren't actually blue - with long explanations on why they aren't and how it came to be......, it's kind of his thing.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's poker hand discarded him.

[Sancho]

To Pam's reckoning a straight beats a flush.

[Pompey Bum]

If only Pam would remember to flush!

[Sancho]

Not withstanding the fact that Pam owns an outhouse

[tonywalt]

PAM thinks about desirable women quite often during the day.

[Pompey Bum]

In later life, Frodo wished that he had held onto the One Ring and thrown Pam into Mount Doom instead.

[Pendragon]

And after Wonderland, for the rest of her life, Alice cringed every time she saw the PAM...

[tonywalt]

PAM throws people in the pool at parties - it gets crazy.

[Pompey Bum]

Pools throw Pam right back.

[Scheherazade]

PAM flavours his cereal with his belly button fluff.

[Pompey Bum]

Oliver Twist begged Pam: "No more!"

[Pendragon]

PAM was shot twice last Easter since people found a large white bunny on their property an offense

[tonywalt]

PAM can hit a soda can from 12 feet away with his red ryder bee bee gun - carries it everywhere.

[Pendragon]

PAM is shockingly a user--the exact substance remains a mystery, but apparently you have to register for it...

[stephofthenight]

PAM changed their avatar since last I was on 0.0

[Sancho]

Pam doesn't refer to his teeth as teeth. He refers to them as "dental work", which is a pretty accurate statement.

[papayahed]

PAM wears his teeth on a necklace.

[Pendragon]

Being a furry old Grover, the PAM has no teeth!

[tonywalt]

PAM me played in a band which featured the 'banjo kid' from Deliverance as the drummer. (He was an excellent drummer, but had an eye for the ladies to the point of distraction).

[Sancho]

Pam's a-pickin', and Pam's a-grinnin', and Pam uses his tooth bush on his ... tooth.

[Pendragon]

PAM drives through town on a bulldozer and circles McDonald's looking for Dulcinea!

[Sancho]

Pam reckons an Egg-a-Muffin a day keeps the doctor away

[tonywalt]

Pam hums star wars theme song while humming along is day.

[Pendragon]

The Pam has an offshore bank account in the Cayman Islands... :rolleyes:

[tonywalt]

The above is actually John-Boy Walton

[Sancho]

Goodnight Pam
Goodnight John-Boy, Goodnight Elizabeth
Goodnight Pam, Goodnight Mama
Goodnight Elizabeth, Goodnight Pendragon
Goodnight Mama, Goodnight Mary-Ellen
Goodnight Pendragon, Goodnight Tony
Aye! Goodnight Mary-Ellen, Aye! Goodnight Jim-Bob
Goodnight Tony, Goodnight...

And on and on and on...

Pam thinks this schtick all sort of works on account of - ain't Tony's real name, WALTON!?

[Pendragon]

PAM petitioned to have windmills built on Peachtree Street so he would have them to tilt at.

[Sancho]

Pam, what a rube!

Pam sings a heartfelt love song:

Oh Shenandoah,
I love your daughter,
Away, you rolling river.

But the tune morphs because Pam is geographically (and tonally) challenged:

For her I'd cross
The Cumberland Gap
Let's lay down now
There's gonna be trouble

Across the gap, Pam's song turns lugubrious :

I said blue moon of Kentucky keep on shining,
Shine on the one that's gone and left me blue.

So Pam does what young fellers do in this situation - he joins the Army:

Yo lef
Yo lef
Yo lef-rat-lef
I knew a girl from ole Kentuck'
She couldn't cook
But she sure could...sew

Pam, what a rube!

[Pendragon]

PAM has a skewered idea of people who live in the Blue Ridge Mountains. 1) I live in Virginia. 2) I never joined the army 3) I sing well enough to be asked to do so at weddings

[Sancho]

While in the Army, Pam enjoyed many promotions, a real high climber, a fast burner: he made Corporal three times.

[tonywalt]

PAM had a gi joe doll who rained down terror in his neigborhood.

[Pendragon]

PAM had a date for that GI Joe, a Barbie doll!

[tonywalt]

PAM hums the star wars theme while shopping.

[Pendragon]

The Pam constantly hums the "Jaws" theme while walking the beaches of the Caymen Islands

[papayahed]

PAM has spinach in his teeth.

[Sancho]

PAM believes spinach gives her super-human strength and proclaims, "ack, ack, ack, I yam what I yam!"

[papayahed]

PAM cleans his teeth with a grill brush.

[Sancho]

Pam cleans her teeth in a jar on the nightstand

[papayahed]

PAM dressed up as Raggedy Ann for Halloween.

[Sancho]

And Pam accompanied Pam to the Halloween soirée dressed as Howdy Doody

[Hawkman]

Pam sustains his extravagant lifestyle by supplementing his income as a payote farmer with a cunning sideline in cockroach sexing....

[bounty]

despite his apparent lack of supernatural powers, pam is nevertheless an integral and valued part of the justice league of America!

[Hawkman]

despite his apparent lack of supernatural powers, pam is nevertheless an integral and valued part of the justice league of America!

Hmmm, flight, strength and living armour... Yeah, bit measly really, compared with x-ray vision and the ability to fly, oh and being impervious to... Well everything except Lois Lane really... But then, kryptonite doesn't bother me at all :devil: Oh, and I'm not American. Pam should not believe everything he reads in comic books! :D

[Sancho]

Pam's true supernatural power is the ability to produce, at will, a roughly twenty cubic-yard cloud of curry-based flatus, which has, incidentally, prematurely ended many an afternoon tea party.