Pam

[Hawkman]

I have servants for that.

Pam counts up to fifteen using all his toes and fingers.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam rubs baby oil on sumo wrestlers.

[NikolaiI]

Map is no good at insulting people. And he's colourblind. And dyslexic.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam has impure thoughts about Vashti Bunyan. [:)]

[tonywalt]

PAM walks up to bars and buys a club soda, then says, "I'm going be rolling like this all night, so keep 'um coming," then looks around to see who is impressed.

[NikolaiI]

See what I mean? One, that's not an insult, and two, that's not even possible. Vashti Bunyan is a fictional character made up by several of the yellow-blue pachyderm.. but then so is Pompey..

[tonywalt]

PAM walks up to bars and buys a club soda, then says, "I'm going be rolling like this all night, so keep 'um coming," then looks around to see who is impressed.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam goes to the Men's Wearhouse just for the instep measure.

[tonywalt]

PAM me measures insteps at Men's warehouse. (are we doing insults?)

[Pompey Bum]

On a good day, Pam can identify up to three significant differences between sh*t and Shinola.

[papayahed]

PAM made a pilgrimage to the Louvre to see the "dogs playing poker" painting in person.

[Hawkman]

Pam collects the artistic output of Gilbert and George!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam models his lifestyle after the Man with the Yellow Hat.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a thing for French-speaking monkeys...

[papayahed]

PAM is a mime. Oh look, he's walking against the wind...

[Pompey Bum]

Pam reads A Christmas Carol every year but still doesn't get the ending.

[tonywalt]

PAM plays the air guitar in grocery lines - to relax and entertain.

[Hawkman]

Pam failed the audition for living statue because he kept eating the pigeons.

[papayahed]

PAM salad with his hands.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam thinks Dostoyevsky wrote a famous book called The Nincompoop.

[Hawkman]

Pam thinks an extraordinary rendition is what Dolly Parton gives on stage....

[papayahed]

PAM has a Dolly Parton poster in his bedroom.

[Hawkman]

Pam has all the Xena warrior Princess series on DVD.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's hunting trip ended tragically when he was briefly mistaken for a bear's *ss.

[Hawkman]

Pam wants to be Southsea's nipple when he grows up.

[NikolaiI]

Pam got rejected when he tried to join the Hawkers Club because he not infrequently allows his hawk to get eaten by a puddytat.

[Hawkman]

Pam is afraid to watch Force Ten from Navarone in case Robert Shaw detaches himself from the screen and tries to kill him.

[NikolaiI]

Actually I got over that one. :) Hope you are well, Hawk.

[Hawkman]

Glad to hear it ;) Ngikhona, ngiyaphila, as they say in Zululand... Thanks for asking :)

Pam is too polite to fully engage with this thread!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam makes one appreciate the relative charms of a warm bucket of spit.

Edit: Sorry, that one was kind of mean. No offense. :)

[Hawkman]

Pam is like a dose of clap. Before he arrives is pleasure, but after is a pain in the dong. (Borrowed from Monty Python).

None taken :devil:

[papayahed]

PAM teared up during Lady and the Tramp.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam did eight years on the Island of Unwanted Toys.

[NikolaiI]

Pam won the contest for best dressed mannequin. Then it was discovered he cheated. . .

[papayahed]

PAM only wears orange

[Hawkman]

Pam tickles fish on Wednesdays.

[papayahed]

Soooo. PAM kisses fish on Thursdays.

[Hawkman]

Only if you tickled them the day before!

Pam swallows chillies whole!

[papayahed]

PAM wears a string of Cheerios around his neck so he can snack throughout the day.

[Hawkman]

Actually, that sounds like a good idea...

Pam is a weapon of mass distraction!

[papayahed]

PAM has several macaroni art pieces hanging in his living room.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam word a banana skirt and coconut bra on her first date.

[Hawkman]

That's all Pam has in his wardrobe.

[papayahed]

PAM tries to contact aliens on his days off.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's spirit-guide is Joan Rivers.

[Hawkman]

Pam played the spoons at Hitler's wedding.

It is interesting to note that it was on my day off that I made contact with Pam Pam :D

[papayahed]

Hey!

PAM pays people to be in selfies with him.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam falls just below Australopithecus on the evolutionary family tree.

[papayahed]

PAM uses butter as deodorant.

[Hawkman]

Pam puts reindeer poop in her cookie mix and gives the baked biscuits to the poor.

[papayahed]

uhhhh duhh, that's what makes the biscuits more "zippy".

PAM is trying to bring sombreros back in style.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam saves M&Ms in her belly button.

[papayahed]

PAM bathes in cologne instead of soap and water.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam talks to herself in an Austrian accent when she thinks she's alone.

[Hawkman]

Pam drinks from the lavatory bowl, but has to go second, after the dog.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam gets his neckties from Fred Flintstone.

[Hawkman]

Pam gets his neckties from Jack Ketch & Pierrepoint.

[Pompey Bum]

The world is Pam's oyster. Pam is its excretory system.

[Hawkman]

I just passed Pam on the street :D

[Pompey Bum]

I just passed Pam on the street :D

Clever. :)

Pam graduated arca saxorum.

[Hawkman]

Pam failed to matriculate!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's not sure how to patriculate.

[Hawkman]

Pam is either the alter ego of, or at least related to, nomobile. http://nomobile.20six.co.uk/nomobile/art/369570

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's nearest evolutionary relative is the sea cucumber.

[Hawkman]

Pam has not yet mastered even basic evolution into a multi cellular organism and his DNA only has one base pair.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam never got to second base with any organism.

[NikolaiI]

Pam can't even spell the difference between DNA and RNA. . . that's why he's always seemed poorly arranged.

[Hawkman]

If Pam was a graphic designer, he'd have been responsible for the 2012 Olympic logo!

Pam Pam wants to be krill when he evolves.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam Pam has a thing for Bebbles.

[NikolaiI]

Pam tried his hand at intelligent design and came up with http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z151/elmikkino/Cat.png

[papayahed]

PAM has spinach in his teeth.

[Hawkman]

Pam sells second-hand sandwiches to caterers who service New Year's Eve parties.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam patiently waits till you've finished your champagne, then asks if he can lick your glass.

[NikolaiI]

Pam doesn't wait, or ask.

[Hawkman]

Pam became a zombie in 2008, but, somehow, is holding himself together....

[papayahed]

PAM is in the Guinness Book of World Record for having the most boils lanced.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam thinks dandruff gives her an earthy allure.

[Hawkman]

Having been rejected by both heaven, hell, and the vultures at his sky burial, Pam had no recourse but to return to his body and earn a precarious living as an extra in horror movies.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's motto is: "You're never alone with pinworm."

[Hawkman]

Pam is the intestinal parasite that confounds my solitude.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is the intestinal parasite that confounds my solitude.

Pam really needs to start dating.

[Hawkman]

I have no problem with dates. The latest is fifth of January, but I can recall many others!

Pam collects lemmings so he can throw them off cliffs.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam declares his lice as dependents.

[Hawkman]

Pam advises Vladimir Putin on brinkmanship.

[Pompey Bum]

I am removing my remarks with sincere apologies to Hawkman.

[Hawkman]

Sorted.

[Pompey Bum]

I apologize. I thought the point of this thread was that it would never be taken seriously. But it is my fault, and you will not be troubled by it again. Again, I apologize.

[Hawkman]

Fair enough.

[Pompey Bum]

Thanks Hawk.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is a big dope. Let's get this show back on the road.

[papayahed]

PAM's newest hobby is darning socks.

[NikolaiI]

Pam won't let the puppet go. It's been screaming - screaming for its life! for several minutes now, and she just won't stop playing that tape of Alice in Chains and pretending she's making the puppet scream for its life.

Oh, heh. . just kidding. Got a little carried away with that one.

Also, she kinda had me going.
:)

[papayahed]

PAM's latest hobby is pushing jello up hills.

[NikolaiI]

Pam is a hill-billy. . . everyone from Michigan is. :) or wait, no, South-Dakota, or no, Alabama. Nevermind. Pam is a muppet - I'm quite sure of this now.

[papayahed]

PAM wears surgical gloves whenever he goes outside.

[Hawkman]

Pam is the voodoo queen of the bayous and wrestles alligators for fun.

[papayahed]

PAM is just mad because I won't take him alligator wrestling with me . PAM you're not ready yet!

[NikolaiI]

Pam slips her opponents a tranquilizer before the match, which has proven quite effective.

[Sancho]

Pam's wearing a quarters worth of cheap perfume.

[Hawkman]

Pam breeds reticulated swamp dragons for medical experiments...

[NikolaiI]

Pam still has a few tufts of feathers hanging from his mouth. And my prized pelican is gone...

[Sancho]

Pam uses 40 weight motor oil as a hair treatment.

[Hawkman]

Pam joined an AA group so he could expand the market for his moonshine.

[NikolaiI]

Pam seems to be half hawk and half man. . it's a little confusing :p

[Hawkman]

The Hawk half works for the US military industrial complex and will bomb anyone who might have oil, so if Sancho is right, Pam should take cover!

in the meantime, Pam drinks green and red striped smoothies which he makes by blending frogs.

[NikolaiI]

Pam wakes up in the morning, drinks his smoothie, and then literally spends all day telling people about it. :)

[papayahed]

PAM has a pretty extensive collection of potatos that look like Lord of the Rings characters.

[Hawkman]

Pam had a supporting role in ToyStory.

[Sancho]

PAM has a pretty extensive collection of potatos that look like Lord of the Rings characters.

^bah-hahahaha

Pam's breath reeks of elderberry wine and corn chips.

[Hawkman]

Pam goes fracking at weekends.

[NikolaiI]

Pam has a permanent mis-communication with the weather - whenever it rains, he wears shorts, and whenever he has an umbrella, the sun shines.

[Silas Thorne]

PAM has nightmares of being ripped apart and eaten alive by Fox News journalists.

[Sancho]

PAM finds Fox News intellectually stimulating.

[NikolaiI]

Eh. I have to change that one, it's not really creative.

Ok, I can't really think of anything clever right now, so this one's just pretty much a no-go.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a permanent mis-communication with the weather - whenever it rains, he wears shorts, and whenever he has an umbrella, the sun shines.

Pam should realise that this behaviour does not constitute "miscommunication" but rather the response of advanced intelligence in the application of lateral thinking. When it rains, one's trousers become wet and retain water. The cloth takes time to dry, and the process of evaporation causes a drop in temperature, leading to hypothermia. Shorts have less cloth and consequently retain less water. Therefore they dry much more quickly and without lowering the body's core temperature to dangerous levels. The use of an umbrella in sunshine is also perfectly logical, as it provides shade, thus preventing exposure to dangerous UV and the concomitant risk of skin cancer.

Pam is confined to a no-go area. Pam should beware the ravages of wild cabbages.

[NikolaiI]

Very true :) I also like the fact that humans are water-proof. . just let the rain fall on your skin!

Pam has a penchant for breaking out into "Cluck Old Hen" at the most unusual of times. . . specifically, each and every time he buys his eggs at the market.

[Hawkman]

I also drink Old Speckled Hen :D

Pam worships cats and is allergic to Quentin Tarantino.

[Sancho]

At a Stop Sign, Pam comes to a complete stop, looks both directions, and only then proceeds forward at a safe and conservative speed.

[papayahed]

Burn!

PAM has on mismatched socks.

[Hawkman]

Pam wears a burka whilst driving, and when pulled over for a moving traffic violation, screams, "Diplomatic Immunity!" at the policeman trying to give her a citation.

[papayahed]

Will that work????

PAM has a pet pot-bellied pig that he dresses up like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz

[Sancho]

Pam merges as though she's wearing a burka.

[Hawkman]

Pam is so cryptic I doubt that even he understands that last comment!



Will that work????

Well you should know :D I bet you do. Very effective, especially when combined with a fake diplomatic passport. Anyway, gotta be worth a try ;)


PAM has a pet pot-bellied pig that he dresses up like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz

There's good eating on one of those :devil:

[NikolaiI]

Pam is a cryptographer but he seems to think every secret message is saying "These are the peanuts! These are the peanuts!"

[Hawkman]

I have it on very good authority, that Pam is a dormouse and, what's more, is absent without leave from the mad hatter's tea party!

[NikolaiI]

Only because Pam ate all the cheese!!

Pam is very carefully collecting a button from the couch cushion of every version of couch.

[Sancho]

When Pam was a barber, he was fond of saying, "Ah well, it'll grow back."

[Hawkman]

Pam is the one who wears a shaving bowl for a helmet. Also, Pam may or may not be the one who knocks...

[NikolaiI]

Pam waits for the day when the "Do Indigo Children Exist?" banner on his screen will go away. . .

[Hawkman]

Yes, Pam should stop spraying himself indigo and parading across my screen whist waving his banner!

[papayahed]

PAM wears clown shoes.

[Hawkman]

Pam uses clowns for shoes.

[papayahed]

PAM can burp his address.

[Hawkman]

Pam is building a bat mobile out of bin liners and bottle tops. But she's building it in her roof space!

[Sancho]

Pam's last good natural tooth is getting loose.

[Hawkman]

Pam has the same problem with a screw...

[Sancho]

^nyuk, nyuk, nyuk

Pam voted for Nixon...twice

[Hawkman]

That would be Marni Nixon...

Pam makes models of funny shaped artificial mountains in mashed potato...

[NikolaiI]

Pam is a crystalline entity, bent on wreaking havoc among us carbons.

(this post was actually about PaPam, so it worked out.) :)

[Hawkman]

Pam signed a card making him an organ donor without reading the small print. Men with sharp metal objects and boxes full of ice are coming to collect....

[Sancho]

Pam applied to be an organ donor but was turned down, seems his liver smelled like tequila.

[NikolaiI]

Did you say ice or ice cream? :p

Pam insists that a paw print is a legitimate signature.. As long as it's legible.

Again, for Papam,

Pam thinks that amok stands for "a million of a kind"

[Sancho]

Pam thought he'd better pull on his rubber boots before running amok.

[NikolaiI]

Yes! Rubber boots are a good insulation...

I have this idea for a round computer, the size of a baseball or so, that you mainly interact with by voice - and Pam stole it from me :redface:

[Hawkman]

Pam talks to baseballs whilst wearing rubber boots and thinks amok is a collective noun for a group of comedians.

[NikolaiI]

Pam affects an Australian accent on Monday, a German accent on Tuesday, a Jamaican accent on Wednesday, a Chinese accent on Thursday, and a Canadian accent on Friday - all so he can appear as a man of the world.

[Hawkman]

Every time Pam gets into his car, he recites the mantra, "Atomic batteries to power," before turning on the ignition.

[Pompey Bum]

Just before Pam hits his car horn he likes to say, "Mr. Worf, fire photon torpedoes!"

[Hawkman]

Pam is a William Shatner fan

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is a William Shatner fan

Now that's below the belt. :)

The Borg wouldn't have Pam.

[Hawkman]

Pam still thinks digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

[Sancho]

Pam doesn't go anywhere without his beeper

[Sancho]

Pam wears plaid pants and argyle socks

[papayahed]

PAM wears granny glasses and bell bottoms.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam wears bell glasses and granny bottoms.

[Hawkman]

Pam has bequeathed his body to Burger King.

[NikolaiI]

Pam calls himself the Burger King.

[Hawkman]

No I don't, because I have absolutely no intention of inheriting PaPaPam's body!

Pam walks sideways on the beach.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam has bequeathed his body to Burger King.

Ha! Touché sir!

Pam cruises the Weight Watchers social media page.

[Hawkman]

Pam sells wishing wells to lottery ticket holders.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam dyed himself blue and tried to pass as a Smurf.

[Hawkman]

Pam drives a forklift in a spoon store.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam remains natural selection's most puzzling exception.

[Sancho]

Pam is an illustration in a textbook on gene mutation

[Pompey Bum]

Pam would never reduce himself to the slightest degree of business impropriety, nor indeed would he conduct himself with any but the highest level of ethical standards. But he knows a guy who would.

[Sancho]

Pam uses a point-shaving strategy on his balance sheet

[Pompey Bum]

Pam shaves with used disposable razors he found at the YMCA.

[Hawkman]

Pam wants to kiss the pope's ring

[Pompey Bum]

Pam will do anything for a dog treat.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a swimming pool, filled to the brim with dead gerbils. He takes a dip in it every morning, before breakfast.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is so god-like that people look away when he passes by. Then they run the opposite direction.

[Sancho]

Pam is a insomniac agnostic dyslexic; he lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.

[papayahed]

PAM wears Vulcan ears to bed.

[Hawkman]

Pam wears Klingon brow ridges and barks like a dog at the postman before threatening to shoot him with a disrupter, a weapon banned by several intergalactic treaties on the grounds that it kills too cruelly. But what the heck, dead is dead, right? :devil:

[Pompey Bum]

Pam models his attire after Spongebob Squarepants.

[Hawkman]

On those rare occasions when Pam is invited to dinner, rather than splashing out on a bottle of good wine to give his hosts, he gives them a bottle containing Ribena and rubbing alcohol, with a label which he soaked off a bottle of real booze.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's hairpiece is his only friend.

[Hawkman]

Pam eats earwax sandwiches.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's hunting trip for feral hogs was interrupted by a self-inflicted wound.

[Hawkman]

Pam can stand upright under flat rocks...

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is the newspaper in the birdcage of life.

[Hawkman]

Pam sacrifices a black goat to the spirits of his ancestors every third wednesday.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam always screws up by asking first dates if they'd like to come see his stamp collection.

[Hawkman]

Pam does so by offering to show them his collection of dead goats.

[papayahed]

PAM is making a replica of the Mona Lisa with dead flies.

[Hawkman]

I got an arts council grant for it. :D

Pam is Data's girlfriend...

[papayahed]

I Wish!!!!!!


PAM lives in a tree house in his Aunt's backyard.

[Hawkman]

Pam shares her quarters with Punxsutawney Phil.

[papayahed]

PAM plays quarters with Punxsutaeney Phil, and generally loses.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a dungeon in her house where she interrogates weasels.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam chews his food then saves it under his plate for later.

[Hawkman]

Pam is a sluice-gate operator in a sewage farm.

[Pompey Bum]

(Papaya: My wife digs Mr. Data, too).

Pam doesn't like fishing because he tends to get mistaken for stink bait.

[papayahed]

Mrs. Bum has good taste.

When PAM goes fishing he wears a giant perch costume because he thinks the fish will be attracted to him.

[Hawkman]

(Papaya: My wife digs Mr. Data, too).
Why? He's creepy!

PaPam works part-time as a Judas Goat. What he doesn't know is that his next assignment is in Jurassic Park... I hear impact tremors :devil:

Pam lives on an island with Dr Moreau....

[Pompey Bum]

Mrs. Bum has good taste.

Thanks for the indirect compliment. :)

Pam's favorite Star Trek character is Whoopee Goldberg.

[Hawkman]

Nah, not my favourite, but definitely better than Data!

Pam had a starring role in Fireball XL5.... He was the robot.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam doesn't see why all women can't be as understanding as Councilor Troi.

[Hawkman]

Pam is a connoisseur of eye-candy.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam borrows money then punches the back of your head hoping you'll forget.

[Hawkman]

Pam kidnaps nuns from convents then sells them on the black market.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam wonders what he'll do for a face if the bear ever wants his *ss back.

[Hawkman]

Pam revels in his status as the world's least wanted man.

[Jalhan]

Pam isn't even that great of a cooking spray.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is destroying the ozone layer for scrambled eggs. (:))

[papayahed]

PAM sprinkles toenail clippings on his spaghetti marinara.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam cornrows the hair under her arms.

[Hawkman]

Pam filed his teeth into points to make his smile more attractive.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam stares at frozen juice cans because they say concentrate.

[Hawkman]

Pam's master plan for world domination is to build an army of his clones and send them forth mounted on unicorns.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam tried to do a hand stand, but he was knocked out by his belly.

[papayahed]

PAM collects his Belly lint and is knitting a sweater.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam couldn't play hide and seek as a child because the other kids never bothered to look for her.

[Hawkman]

When Pam plays hide and seek, he is usually wearing overalls with broad arrows printed on them, and his playmates use bloodhounds. I suspect that the ball and chain probably hampers him a bit...

[Pompey Bum]

The only way Pam is going to get laid is to crawl up a chicken and wait.

[Hawkman]

I think I'll pass on that one. I wouldn't want my peaceful meditations to be disturbed by Pam grabbing the chicken and violating it whilst on the run from bloodhounds :D

[Pompey Bum]

If Pam's brain were chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.

[Hawkman]

That, of course, would depend on the size of the M&M...

Pam acquired his social skills from the local chapter of Hells Angels.

[papayahed]

PAM wears granny panties.

[Hawkman]

Pam hangs around battlefields and offers the righteous dead a lift to Valhalla.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam's mirror is looking for a new job.

[papayahed]

PAM used to be the main attraction in the Jim Rose Circus sideshow.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is a role model for bearded ladies everywhere.

[papayahed]

PAM has a thang for bearded ladies.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam shaves between her eyebrows.

[Hawkman]

Pam can't do this because he only has one.

[papayahed]

PAM owns a chest toupee.

[Hawkman]

On Saturday nights, Pam dusts the life-size cutout of William Shatner that has pride of place in her hall and sings "There's Klingons on the Starboard Bow" at full volume (but slightly out of tune) in the shower. Then she goes out and gets drunk on Romulan ale while trying to pick up slumming Vulcans.

[papayahed]

PAM has a cardboard out out of Dr. Crusher.

[tonywalt]

PAM watches the oscars and has been known to punch the tv, when fave movie is not picked.

[papayahed]

PAM puts on a tuxedo and pops open the champagne when watching The Oscars.

[Hawkman]

Pam collects old cinema hotdogs and uses them as draft excluders in her living room.

[papayahed]

PAM has spinach in his teeth.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a pet 'gator called Aloisius. She takes him for walks and feeds him her discarded boyfriends.

[papayahed]

erm....PAM begs to borrow Aloisius to help him pick up chicks.

[tonywalt]

PAM sometimes breaks into a 'skip' at work - each day a thrill

[papayahed]

PAM likes to play hockey without a helmet.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a sideline in selling home-made, mail-order audiobooks of the Marquis de Sade's greatest hits, in Klingon.

[virtuoso]

Pam spreads her thin coat. When her temperature heats up, she steams, then singes even the the toughest-skinned lads.

[papayahed]

PAM has a booger in their nose.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a life-size mural of cat woman on her living room wall.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam us his High School graduation photograph as his avatar.

[Calidore]

PAM belly-flopped on a trampoline while wearing clown makeup. His avatar is post-impact.

[papayahed]

PAM lives to dance.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam used to date the crystalline entity.

[papayahed]

PAM has a tattoo of tweety bird on his lower back

[Hawkman]

Pam harbours a secret passion for Eric von Stroheim

[papayahed]

He's a hotty!

PAM is making a suit from pigeon feathers.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam is just another manifestation of the Q Continuum.

[papayahed]

PAM went to high school with Moses.