Pam

[papayahed]

PAM has pictures of her favorite cheeses on her bedroom wall

[Hawkman]

Pam hasn't got any walls :D

[Maria May]

PAM's bedroom walls are pink.

[Hawkman]

Pam chews tobacco and has spittoons in her bedroom.

[Maria May]

PAM's hair looks as same as Brian May's ;)

[Hawkman]

Pam is jealous of Brian May's hairdresser :p

[papayahed]

PAM has a coat made of Brian May's hair.

[Hawkman]

Well there is quite a lot of it and he said he could spare it... Wassamatter, is Pam jealous or summit? :D

Pam uses a flamethrower because waxing takes too long :p

[papayahed]

PAM has webbed toes

[Hawkman]

They come in handy when treading water...

Pam has tentacles with fuzzy blue suckers instead of feet

[Paulclem]

Pam is Squidwort.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a fraternal affinity with Krill :D

[Maria May]

PAM worships Daleks. xD

[tonywalt]

The person above secrets wishes to control the all the world's tides, just so she can plan near perfect beach holidays!

[Hawkman]

Pam strangles Hobbits in their sleep :devil:

[Scheherazade]

PAM drinks the juice of his boiled toe nails to cure his insomnia.

[Hawkman]

I sleep much better knowing that Pam can't use my toenail clippings to make voodoo dolls to control me!

[papayahed]

PAM has gone to jail on more than one occasion for breaking into peoples homes and stealing their used Q-tips.

[Hawkman]

Pam puts other people's toe cheese on her crackers.

[Maria May]

PAM is secretly a Time Lord.

[Hawkman]

What Pam needs to worry about is WHICH ONE :D

Pam is obsessed with Dr. Who.

[papayahed]

PAM plays the Triangle in his local church band.

[Hawkman]

Pam licks her coat clean and then has to brush her tongue.

[papayahed]

so! PAM buys my tongue brushings and uses it in his one man play.

[Hawkman]

Would you care to define, "one man play?" :D

Pam collects old newspapers and sticks them to the insides of her windows so she doesn't have to spend money on curtains.

[papayahed]

Would you care to define, "one man play?" :D



:p


Lives in a treehouse in his cousin's backyard.

[Hawkman]

Pam beats up squirrels to steal their nuts.

[Maria May]

PAM wears slippers that are made of dead squirrels xD

[papayahed]

PAM has squirrel heads mounted in her living room.

[Hawkman]

Pam blends gerbils and drinks the juice!

[papayahed]

It's delicious except for the bits of fur.


On every third Tuesday PAM dresses as Tarzan and demands to be fed bananas.

[Hawkman]

On every third Tuesday Pam dresses up as Cheetah and gives him one! (a banana) ;) :D

[papayahed]

Why you gotta put our business out there like that????


PAM likes to wear socks on his hands

[Hawkman]

Well, You started it! :D

Pam strains her food through Solzhenitsyn's beard!

[papayahed]

Well, You started it! :D


Yeah, but they just thought it was a funny thing I made up, now they know it's real!:smilielol5:

PAM made an outfit out of hunfreds of orange peels and is going as "Orangeman" for halloween.

[Hawkman]

I say, steady on - that sounds political :lol: I'm not Irish you know ;)

Pam wears underwear made from rattlesnake skins and picks her teeth with the fangs!

[papayahed]

It was in advertently political. I was eating an orange at the time.

PAM wears tin foil hats

[Hawkman]

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/customavatars/avatar2154_59.gif

^- Gals what wear head-gear like this, didn't ought to cast aspersions on a chap's lid :D Besides, the tinfoil reflects the sun and prevents my vast brain from overheating :lol:

Pam recycles chewing gum harvested from the undersides of school desks!

[papayahed]

PAM is growing his eyebrows out.

[Hawkman]

Pam lives in a gingerbread house and subsists on a diet of precocious children.

[papayahed]

PAM makes me save the ear wax from said precocious children because it's the secret ingredient in his homemade jams.

[Hawkman]

Only for export! :devil:

It has been brought to our attention that Pam's tomato patch is fertilised with the inhumed remains of her dinner guests who succumbed to arsenical poisoning.

[papayahed]

PAM was born with a tail.

[Hawkman]

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/signaturepics/sigpic2154_3.gif

Pam has St. Vitas Dance

[papayahed]

PAM discards the peanuts and eats the shells.

[tonywalt]

PAM sometimes pushes the elevator button more than once, even when it's lit - for good measure.

[papayahed]

PAM eats the icing and leaves the cake.

[tonywalt]

The person above me frequently quotes Yoda in daily conversation, saying things like, "in a situation like this Yoda would probably have blah blahed - god I miss him so."

[Hawkman]

Pam is a tax exile and subsists on a diet of piña coladas.

[papayahed]

PAM wears a robot costume he made out of soup cans on the weekends.

[Hawkman]

Pam goes to work in a Zeppelin

[papayahed]

Pam goes to work in a Zeppelin

Everybody should do it, it's very relaxing.

PAM refuses to speak anything but Klingon.

[Hawkman]

pagh lup PAM yuQmey ghor!

[papayahed]

What is broken??

PAM buys used socks.

[Scheherazade]

PAM collects the stones of the olives she consumes (a pound a day, usually).

[Hawkman]

What is broken??

PAM buys used socks.

Well, that'll teach me to use the Bing Klingon translator! What I actually typed into it was Pam is unable to transport to the Planet. What came out was as above. However, when putting the this back through the translator for the English version, what came out was, "pam bus or a broken planet!" :D

As for buying used socks - You mean, you don't? :devil:

PAM dreams of electric sheep ;)

[papayahed]

PAM plants a can of Spam every year for the passed 34 springs in hopes of growing his own Spam tree.

[Maria May]

PAM grows marijuana in her yard.

[tonywalt]

PAM smokes the marijuana grown PH's backyard.

[Hawkman]

Pam works for the DEA

[papayahed]

PAM believes in the tooth fairy.

[Scheherazade]

PAM runs a ring of rogue toothfairies, who sell the teeth in the blackmarket in jewellery quarters.

[tonywalt]

PAM sold me a tooth!

[Hawkman]

Pam is wearing my tooth as jewellery!

[tonywalt]

PAM just received his tooth back from me with a kind note of apology.

[Hawkman]

Pam is now out of pocket and should seek compensation from the disreputable jeweller who sold him the tooth!

[papayahed]

PAM smells funny.

[Hawkman]

(It's eau de Ferret. Is that funny ha ha or funny peculiar btw?)

Pam eats the dogs that can't outrun her.

[Maria May]

PAM's house is full of black cats.

[papayahed]

Is that funny ha ha or funny peculiar btw?)


Yes.


PAM makes hats out of cat fur.

[tonywalt]

PAM moos when drive past cows

[papayahed]

PAM has gils.

[Hawkman]

Pam shares more than 98% of her DNA with fruit flies!

[tonywalt]

PAM once punched someone with his ring and soon they were drinking together.

[papayahed]

PAM is the star accordian player in his polka band.

[Maria May]

PAM is a dancer in a polka band.

[papayahed]

PAM passes out toothbrushes for Halloween

[Hawkman]

Pam lives in a gingerbread house!

[papayahed]

PAM churns his own butter.

[Hawkman]

Pam grinds bones into flour for her bread

[papayahed]

PAM likes to pick lint from other people's belly buttons.

[Hawkman]

Pam washes with shake and vac and dries herself with a hoover.

[tonywalt]

PAM has once used a hoover in a home invasion situation

[papayahed]

PAM eats paste

[Hawkman]

Pam drinks the water out of car radiators.

[tonywalt]

PAM sings Dean Martin songs loudly at times, particularly "Voooolare"

[Maria May]

PAM is good at singing Bee Gees' songs,especially at singing 'Staying alive' ;)

[papayahed]

PAM couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.

[Hawkman]

There's a hole in Pam's bucket

[papayahed]

PAM doesn't even have a bucket.

[Hawkman]

Pam keeps ladders in her tights so she can break into upstairs rooms in people's houses when they're out. Probably so she can steal their nail clippings!

[papayahed]

PAM wears tights on his head.

[Scheherazade]

PAM wears tights on his head.PAM wears pink tights and stands like a flamingo on one leg while watching TV at nights.

[Hawkman]

Pam can't watch TV on account of having no head, due to coming up short in the story department!

[papayahed]

PAM has a collection of coconut bras that he likes to wear on casual fridays.

[Hawkman]

Pam leaves two grooves in the dirt behind her as she walks because her knuckles drag on the ground :D

[papayahed]

hahahahah.

PAM still believes in Santa Claus.

[Hawkman]

I have to since he gave me the sack - Doh!

Pam has to clap her hands a lot because very few people believe in fairies

[papayahed]

PAM knows Klingon.

[Hawkman]

Actually I know more Latin and Greek than I do Klingon. Come to think of it, I know more Japanese, German, French, Isizulu and Norwegian than I know Klingon. I can't say I love you in Klingon, but I can in Norwegian! Not a lot of people know that.

Pam speaks Muppet fluently.

[papayahed]

PAM takes a bath once a year whether he needs it or not.

[Hawkman]

True, I'm very clean. Anyway, only dirty people need baths!

Pam shrinks if she gets wet.

[papayahed]

You calling me a witch (I'm melting...)??

PAM uses butter as hair gel because he thinks it gives him a little extra shine.

[Hawkman]

True, but the butter is made from tiger's milk so it's pretty cool! Grrr! All I have to do is get the tiger to chase it's tail around a tree so it churns it for me :D

Pam keeps a beehive under her hat.

[papayahed]

PAM breaks into peoples homes and steals the hair from their drains for the suits he makes.

[Hawkman]

Yes, but Pam buys them. Also, when Pam has a visitor she introduces them to her pet leopard and says, "Din-dins, Tiddles..."

[aliengirl]

Pam's signature is quite clever. I wonder what was the real context.

[Hawkman]

There is nothing outside the context :D

Pam reads Peter Rabbit

[papayahed]

PAM has a collection of potatoes that look like World War II generals.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a collection of WWII generals who look like potatoes.

[papayahed]

PAM is Santa's helper that has to scoop up after the reindeer.

[Hawkman]

It's good for the roses!

Pam made Santa's naughty list.

[papayahed]

PAM dressed as baby new year on Jan 1.

[tonywalt]

PAM stole my pacifier on Jan 1.(straight from my mouth- i cried, well - like a baby)

[papayahed]

PAM has a hair out of place.

[tonywalt]

The PAM stages battles with collectible Star Wars figures and Darth Vader always wins the battles.

[papayahed]

PAM is full of beans!

[Scheherazade]

The only seats you can find in PAM's house are beanbags filled with Lima Beans.

[tonywalt]

The PAM buys only the finest Spams.

[papayahed]

PAM loves bacon sooooo much he always has an emergency stash in his sock.

[Hawkman]

Pam eats socks, but only after they've been matured for 28 days (after 28 days wear). This longue durée approach saves money on washing powder but means the chiller is full of socks.

[papayahed]

PAM steals his neighbor's wifi.

[Maria May]

PAM steals her neighbor's gnomes

[Hawkman]

PAM is a stolen gnome.

[Maria May]

PAM has a statue of Miley Cyrus in his bedroom

[Hawkman]

PAM is misinformed.

[papayahed]

PAM dresses as Elvis when lounging around the house. "My White, Jewel encrusted pant suit is the perfect sunday brunch outfit" he was heard saying.

[Hawkman]

Pam has been positively identified as Sasquatch!

[Maria May]

PAM has a coat that is made of Sasquatch's hair

[Hawkman]

Yes, but only from the ones that grow between the toes.

Pam failed her Sasquatch hunting exam 43 times.

[papayahed]

PAM pretends to be sasquatch to help him meet ladies.

[Calidore]

Luckily, PAM likes hairy men.

[tonywalt]

PAM does victory dances for daily accomplishments eg finding wallet, catching the green light, catching a show just on time...

[Hawkman]

Pam trespasses on the dignity of goldfish.

[papayahed]

PAM has remodeled his house to look just like the Millennium Falcon

[Hawkman]

Pam is terrified by scarecrows.

[aliengirl]

Pam is not bothered by rats or roaches.

[Hawkman]

Tigers are afraid of Pam!

[papayahed]

PAM lives in a treehouse and makes people refer to him as Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle.

[Hawkman]

Pam is suffering from Tarzan treehouse envy.

[papayahed]

PAM saves aluminum foil in order to construct a space ship

[Hawkman]

Right! When Pam isn't rolling the sun across the sky with her back legs, she lays her eggs in balls of camel dung and buries them in the garden!

[papayahed]

hahaha!

PAM is very proud of his animal dung collection.

[tonywalt]

PAM personally knows the names of people working at call centres.

[Hawkman]

Papam eats road-kill, when she runs out of ants, and Pam works in a call centre because it's the only way he can guarantee someone will want to talk to him!

[papayahed]

PAM has eaten so many beans people have started calling him "Toots".

[Hawkman]

Pam turns out wood pigeons on her lathe and sells them to woodworms who want to fly abroad.

[papayahed]

HaHa! PAM paints my wood pigeons to look like his great Aunt Edna.

[Hawkman]

Because she is too lazy to build a scarecrow, Pam, like Ruth, stands amidst the alien corn and throws Rock doves at them. Unfortunately, not being sufficiently versed in the eating habits of Rock doves, she doesn't realise that what the crows don't eat, the Rock doves will! I predict a poor harvest and at least seven lean years for Pam...

[papayahed]

PAM force feeds diabetics candy canes.

[Hawkman]

Sounds like a plan!

Pam drinks cocktails distilled from the blood of unborn goats.

[tonywalt]

pam dreams of a goat farm.

[Hawkman]

Pam preys on his knees and on his neighbours.

[papayahed]

PAM is making a suit of armour from fish skeletons.

[tonywalt]

PAM speaks fluent Klingon and wants it taught in all schools.

[papayahed]

PAM is collecting the hair from his golden retreiver in order to make a suit.

[Hawkman]

Pam cultures botox in her kitchen and sells it on the black market...

[tonywalt]

PAM is collecting the hair from his golden retreiver in order to make a suit.

I've got a Corgi (see my blog). He wants to be President of a country some day.

[tonywalt]

PAM frequently plays the air guitar and contorts their face when doing so - then tops it off with a pete townsend 'windmill' guitar lick!

[Hawkman]

Pam is schizophrenic and confesses by accusing himself ;)

[papayahed]

hahaha

PAM is a cat with a Thyroid problem.

[Hawkman]

Lol.

Pam craves the company of fish.

[tonywalt]

Pam wants to sleep with the fishes, heavily dosed with Ambien and Diazepam.

[Hawkman]

No, The Hawk only sleep with fishes who are not dosed with narcotics! Where's the fun in a passive fish?

Pam drinks chunder cocktails with Australians...

[papayahed]

PAM likes his women like his fish - feisty and covered in scales.

[tonywalt]

PAM backs up their commodore 64 with floppy disks.

[Hawkman]

Pam has an extensive collection of used spittoons - ding!

[papayahed]

PAM has an extensive collection of Hello Kitty memorabilia.

[Hawkman]

And also sings What's new, Pussycat at the slightest provocation :devil:

Pam is a panda pamperer and part-time lion licker!

[papayahed]

Notsince I had to have a 5 lb hairball removed!

PAM eats raw potatos.

[Scheherazade]

PAM gives potato peels to the children who come a-knocking at her door on Halloween.

[Hawkman]

Pam was blackballed from the Bellona Club

[tonywalt]

PAM got ALL the boy scout badges, until and archery incident.

[Hawkman]

As I have never been a Boy Scout, it is necessary to harvest them from the uniforms of Boy Scouts. My bow gives me a distinct advantage in this respect, as it facilitates the required immobilisation of boy scouts, who, as we all know, tend to be prepared. Arrows are very quiet, and using them allows me to hunt Boy Scouts stealthily. It takes considerable skill to deliver an end of three shafts to the heart of a prepared, and fast moving Boy Scout, especially if you want them in a nice tight group.

Pam looks as though he was probably a Boy Scout... :devil:

[papayahed]

PAM drinks cheap liquor

[Hawkman]

Not when hunting Boy Scouts :D

Pam is a Trekkie...

[papayahed]

:alien:


PAM has every Justin Beiber album.

[Hawkman]

Errr... Who he? The Hawk feels it incumbent upon him to point out that he had to google Justin Bieber, and having read the Wiki article is still none the wiser! The Hawk also wishes to point out that he has never heard a Bieber track, let alone bought one! We must therefore inform Pam that her unfounded accusation must be considered actionable! Consequently the LitNet thought police will be calling on Pam at her inconvenience and she may expect to be dragged, kicking and screaming into the night, and thereafter subjected to a rigorous process of reeducation. I hope Pam likes Barry Manilow, because listening to "Mandy" on a continuous loop 24/7 for the next five years, is part of the treatment :D

Pam has an extensive collection of Smurfs!

[papayahed]

Oh Mandy,
You came and you gave without taking,
But I sent you away.
Oh, Mandy,


hahahaha,

After googling Justin Beiber PAM ran out and got the same haircut. :svengo::auto:

[Hawkman]

Perhaps Pam is "projecting". Pam appears to be obsessed with JB. Pam needs help! Pam should try listening to The Beatles or The Stones, though the blending of these artists whilst listening to "Mandy" can only add to Pam's torture. Imagine "Eleanor Rigby" and "Paint it Black" forming a medley with "Mandy." Throw The Doors in there with "This is the End" and madness ensues! :D

[papayahed]

PAM doth protest too much! PAM has a tattoo of Neil Diamond.

[Hawkman]

Pam drowns kittens in her breakfast porridge!

[papayahed]

PAM knows all the dance moves from the Thriller video.

[Hawkman]

Pam collects exotic moulds, spores and fungi from which she distils nerve agents for use in aerosol fly spray.

Actually, that sounds kind of cool, so maybe it would be more insulting to say that she doesn't, 'cause she's too busy drowning kittens in her breakfast porridge.... This is probably due to low self-image stemming from her inadequacy as an analytical chemist :devil:

[papayahed]

:toetap05: A half lifetime ago I was a research chemist then analytical chemist!! Hey wait...perhaps that's why I switched gigs... Nah
! I was good.

PAM hangs out at pools in hopes of finding used band-aids for his collection. (You know the old saying..."I'm off like a Band-aid in a pool)

[Hawkman]

Pam chews tobacco and plays the spoons in a bluegrass band.

[tonywalt]

PAM spends his winters in the Caribbean and spends his days jumping in the pool yelling, "CANNONBALL" much to the annoyance of other pool guests.

[Hawkman]

Pam was the model for Rico in Penguins of Madagascar!

[papayahed]

PAM wears white after labor day.

[Hawkman]

PAM should be aware that the only white items of clothing which the person above her possesses, are shirts, and these are liable to being worn at almost any time. PAM should also be aware that the person above her fails to grasp the significance of wearing white after labor (or even labour) day, unless, of course, Pam is trying to imply that the person above her is a "work virgin" or just bone idle, neither of which is particularly true.

Pam was turned down for the role of the Mad Hatter, on account of being too, "out there!"

[papayahed]

PAM is a "work virgin".

[Hawkman]

PAM isn't... but she is Yoda's hair stylist

[papayahed]

PAM has recreated the bridge of the starship enterprise in his basement.

[Hawkman]

Pam's favourite record is "One Wheel on my Wagon..." which she rolls along on at least five times a day.

[papayahed]

PAM built a chair completely out of beer cans.

[Hawkman]

Yes, but it became unstable when Pam raided my den and drank all the beer :bawling:

[tonywalt]

PAM me was a legendary cub scout and is still talked about with reverential tones. (The boy scouts - well, that was a whole different story).

[papayahed]

PAM knits all his own clothes.

[Hawkman]

Pam is really Jean-Paul Gaultier and has a rubber fixation.

[papayahed]

PAM knows who Jean-Paul Gaultier is.

[Hawkman]

Only because I saw Bruce Willis in The Fifth Element :D

When Pam runs out of moonshine, she drinks Banana Spritzers :banana:

[Scheherazade]

PAM is an avid collector... of ear wax.

[tonywalt]

PAM me has a poster of Tony Manero (Saturday Night Fever)in her bedroom

[Hawkman]

Pam contemplates the infinite from the confines of his darkened basement.

[Scheherazade]

PAM's basement walls are covered with his collection of toe nails.

[Hawkman]

Pam recycles old insults! Pam should be more creatively abusive :D

Pam is infested with the fleas of a thousand camels!

[papayahed]

PAM can't carry a tune in a bucket.

[Hawkman]

True; buckets don't hold tunes very well. I can sing all right though, and I play a number of instruments, which a girl who plays the spoons in a bluegrass band would probably appreciate: namely, guitar, mandolin and banjo :D

Pam collects stray men and imprisons them in her cellar.

[Scheherazade]

Pam collects stray men and imprisons them in her cellar.Hey, I thought we were posting only imaginary scenarios!

PAM's homepage is the PAM thread and keeps a spreadsheet on his computer to record all the PAM insults.

[Hawkman]

Ha, ha, ha! Now that's more like it! :devil:

Pam undermines the fabric of society with subversive tweets!

[papayahed]

PAM wears his baby teeth around his neck.

[Hawkman]

Pam has a slave who chews her food for her.

[papayahed]

So? A lot of people don't have the energy to chew.

PAM only eats blue food.

[tonywalt]

PAM has a farm that produces blue food crops (it's illegal)

[Hawkman]

What's wrong with blue food (http://skeptics.stackexchange.com/questions/3410/are-there-no-naturally-blue-foods)?

Pam is colour prejudiced.

[papayahed]

PAM reads chicklit.

[Calidore]

PAM eats Chiclets.

[Hawkman]

Pam masticates moody moles..

[papayahed]

PAM fights crime on weekends as "Captain Shoofly"

[Hawkman]

Pam commits crime on weekends, whilst disguised as a plelican.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam never says hello.

[papayahed]

PAM eats butter for breakfast.

[Hawkman]

When everyone else was investing in the White Star line, Pam put her money into Icebergs!

[Pompey Bum]

Pam goes out of order in Forum Games.

[Calidore]

PAM thinks games are Serious Business!

[papayahed]

PAM gargles with ketchup.

[Hawkman]

Pam is on first name terms with every toad in the bayous... :p

[papayahed]

PAM hot glues pecans to himself and goes to the park every saturday in hopes of become friends with the squirrels.

[Hawkman]

At the height of the mating season, Pam puts on a feather boa and goes dogging on the grouse leks!

[papayahed]

PAM knits toilet paper covers for all his friends.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam hogs the Pam thread.

[tonywalt]

PAM jabs the elevator button - repeatedly - in hopes that it will go faster.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam confuses elevators with Ipads.

[papayahed]

PAM eats cheetos and doesn't wash his hands.

[Hawkman]

On the second Tuesday of every month, Pam goes out to her favourite restaurant and, after her 15th Bacardi and Coke, slips out of her Dior evening gown and climbs onto the table, where, clad only in underwear made from ferret pelts, she sings her party-piece, "On the Trail of the Lonesome Pine" in her fine basso profundo voice - all this, without even being asked to!

[papayahed]

PAM fails to mention that PAM accompanies PAPAM on his homemade Congo drums dressed as the Captain from The Captain and Tennille.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam knows the words to Muskrat Love.

[tonywalt]

PAM sings the Muppet song all day ba da ma da, do doo do do do

[Pompey Bum]

Pam dresses like Fozzie Bear.

[tonywalt]

PAM was found guilty of jaywalking in Mississippi and plead guilty due to insanity. And won.

[Hawkman]

Pam careens mermaids and scrapes the barnacles off their bottoms.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam would vote for any politician who promised to lower Texas.

[tonywalt]

PAM once invaded Texas with a BB gun and was stopped by stepping in sticky bubblegum a little past to border.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam secretly yearns to put Tubby the Tuba at the top of his 25 Favorite Books list.

[papayahed]

PAM wears a top hat and monacle and likes to be addressed as Mr. Monopoly.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam writes poetry in fingerpaint and gives it to everyone instead of Christmas presents.

[Hawkman]

Pam's ambition is to become a disgraced red top journalist who ekes a precarious living from celebrity bin-diving and blackmail notes composed from cut and pasted Sun headlines.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam wears lederhosen to job interviews.

[Hawkman]

Pam is the inventor, and sole user, of weaselpiss aftershave.

[Pompey Bum]

Pam milks cattle of either sex.