Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread! [Archive] - Page 8

The Atheist

11-07-2009, 01:35 AM

Einstein would have killed to come up with that mind blowing formula, that relegates E=MC squared to kid's play.

There is much wisdom here.

In the end, what difference does it make what the speed of light is, or how relative things are?

Why is it we admire and revere people like Einstein and Newton? Gravity would still exist regardless of Newton's findings, but the inventors of beer and scotch are giants of mankind yet nobody knows their names!

jocky

11-07-2009, 12:20 PM

NEWSFLASH : To whom it may concern, Engerland 9 Australia 18. The result of the England v New Zealand rugby league match will be broadcast in my next bulletin. :)

The Atheist

11-07-2009, 02:30 PM

NEWSFLASH : To whom it may concern, Engerland 9 Australia 18. The result of the England v New Zealand rugby league match will be broadcast in my next bulletin. :)

Dinnae tell me ye follow the League?

I believe the Mother Country and ourselves are playing for the right to meet the dastardly Australians in the four-nations cup. Since only four nations play the game to more than schoolboy level, it's revenge for the four-nations World Cup we won from them last year.

World's toughest team sport. All-in brawling for 80 minutes. Why on earth isn't Scotland brilliant at it? Just go to Glasgie any Friday night, scoop up 13 blokes under 30, and there's your team!

:D

jocky

11-07-2009, 03:54 PM

ANOTHER NEWSFLASH : It is with a heavy heart I have to report that Engerland have beaten the world champions by 20 points to 12, and it is all your fault Atheist. :(

jocky

11-07-2009, 04:07 PM

Dinnae tell me ye follow the League?

I believe the Mother Country and ourselves are playing for the right to meet the dastardly Australians in the four-nations cup. Since only four nations play the game to more than schoolboy level, it's revenge for the four-nations World Cup we won from them last year.

World's toughest team sport. All-in brawling for 80 minutes. Why on earth isn't Scotland brilliant at it? Just go to Glasgie any Friday night, scoop up 13 blokes under 30, and there's your team!

:D

We were going to take it up, but we couldn't get anyone to remain sober for five minutes. It is not that tough, our ladies bowls team could have beaten that lot without breaking sweat. You realize a certain English individual, who shall remain nameless, has now got all the bragging rights. Can this day get any worse? Oh no, the wife has just ordered me to wash the dishes. :bawling:

Gilliatt Gurgle

11-07-2009, 08:14 PM

Aye Gilliatt, you have reminded me of that old song: When the going gets tough, the Texans get going, usually away from the sound of the guns. :)

I’m afraid I must agree with you, at least regarding the one recent incident where I found myself running side by side with the Magnus Pedi’s trying to dodge the tranquilizer darts being fired at us from the Conservancy. One of the brutes was brought down by a dart that caught him in one of his “big feet”, but I was able to extract it soon enough to avert its deleterious effects. Soon he was up and limping on his good “big foot”. Later that evening while supping on pecans and rabbit haunches, I taught them how to recognize the alarming sound of a bolt action on a rifle being engaged.

jocky

11-08-2009, 10:17 AM

I’m afraid I must agree with you, at least regarding the one recent incident where I found myself running side by side with the Magnus Pedi’s trying to dodge the tranquilizer darts being fired at us from the Conservancy. One of the brutes was brought down by a dart that caught him in one of his “big feet”, but I was able to extract it soon enough to avert its deleterious effects. Soon he was up and limping on his good “big foot”. Later that evening while supping on pecans and rabbit haunches, I taught them how to recognize the alarming sound of a bolt action on a rifle being engaged.

:lol:

In my experience the art of telling lies always comes down to the details. For example, was it a Magnus pedi minor or a Magnus pedi major ? You will agree that there is a world of difference between a small bigfoot and a big bigfoot. Still, the Conservancy and rabbit haunches does have an authentic ring to it. When it comes to telling whoppers watch Atheist at work. When he is relating one of his fishing exploits no detail, however small, is overlooked. It is no exaggeration to state he is a mastercraftsman in the art of fiction. :)

prendrelemick

11-08-2009, 12:42 PM

We were going to take it up, but we couldn't get anyone to remain sober for five minutes. It is not that tough, our ladies bowls team could have beaten that lot without breaking sweat. You realize a certain English individual, who shall remain nameless, has now got all the bragging rights. Can this day get any worse? Oh no, the wife has just ordered me to wash the dishes. :bawling:

An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)

In a way I would have liked the Kiwis to go to Elland Road and stick it to the Aussies again. There is nothing quite like the sight of the green and gold to stir the blood of yer avarage New Zealand rugby league player.

Last time we played the Aussies at Elland Road, the highlight of the match for me, was the young Austrailian Lady who removed her clothes and ran across the front of our stand pursued by six English yellow coated stewards. They didn't catch her, a state of affairs that reflected what was happening on the pitch.

jocky

11-08-2009, 01:56 PM

An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)

Aah, that old chestnut. Much ink has been wasted on that subject. Here is Brian Jenner's definition of an English gentleman , ' he would prefer a silver salt cellar that didn't work to a plastic one that did '. As to the washing up, the credit crunch has forced me to let my maid and butler go. In fact, I am thinking of asking Atheist if I could borrow Parker for a while. :)

The Atheist

11-08-2009, 02:08 PM

ANOTHER NEWSFLASH : It is with a heavy heart I have to report that Engerland have beaten the world champions by 20 points to 12, and it is all your fault Atheist. :(

I'd reply, but I'm too upset and have thrown my computer out of the window.

An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)

In a way I would have liked the Kiwis to go to Elland Road and stick it to the Aussies again. There is nothing quite like the sight of the green and gold to stir the blood of yer avarage New Zealand rugby league player.

Well, after beating their rugby team 4-0 this year, we'll just have to rest on those laurels.

Here is Brian Jenner's definition of an English gentleman , ' he would prefer a silver salt cellar that didn't work to a plastic one that did '.

That's funny; the last description I heard of "gentleman" is a bloke who gets out of the bath to pee.

jocky

11-08-2009, 07:46 PM

Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)

papayahed

11-08-2009, 07:56 PM

Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)

hey, can i get some of those mushrooms??

Wait, they are magic right?

The Atheist

11-08-2009, 08:19 PM

Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself. :)

Oh my god!

Scotch and kava.

I'll call the ambulance now.

jocky

11-09-2009, 07:52 AM

hey, can i get some of those mushrooms??

Wait, they are magic right?

Well yes, in the sense that if you survive more than twenty four hours after eating them it would be a bloody miracle. It was, in fact , Lady MacJocky who told me to do it. She says we are going places and if I ' screw my courage to the sticking place we will not fail '. That woman will be the death of me yet. :)

Oh my god!

Scotch and kava.

I'll call the ambulance now.

Could you hurry that ambulance up, I dont feel well ? I am sure the Fijean coach switched plates on me when I wasn't looking. The wife warned me he was a shifty looking individual. :)

prendrelemick

11-09-2009, 10:41 AM

Well yes, in the sense that if you survive more than twenty four hours after eating them it would be a bloody miracle. It was, in fact , Lady MacJocky who told me to do it. She says we are going places and if I ' screw my courage to the sticking place we will not fail '. That woman will be the death of me yet. :)

Could you hurry that ambulance up, I dont feel well ? I am sure the Fijean coach switched plates on me when I wasn't looking. The wife warned me he was a shifty looking individual. :)

The ambulance should be there tomorrow.... and tomorrow and tomorrow.

gbrekken

11-09-2009, 01:01 PM

"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match. It takes more than one leather ball to play rugby. Hence, no women sport the same. It's bad enough they play soccer. Or is it that they play badly. One daughter of mine would put a smack down on our volleyball.
I think the only crazier sportsmen is a bullrider.

I was dry for a few days-can't remember the number-point being I visited COLD ALE and immediately had to drive away and get me some. Thanks guys.

If, to a closely associated man's hands, lips, etc., the sweat off Dolly Parton's chest is called mountain dew, then the the rugby player's closely associated female partner would call for a rocky mountain high?

The best lies couch the greatest truths. Not all treasures lie on the surface but the best do. Even omissons speak louder than words. I'll attempt to stop the diarrhea of the lip now.

Peyote is better than mushrooms, but I don't know that for a fact, sinc I didn't follow my children's advice to imbibe in fungus. It's ony legal for some natives to use peyote in religious experiences. I can only tell you that since I'm not native, I scraped out all the white strchnyne before the spiritual juices.

jocky

11-09-2009, 02:48 PM

The ambulance should be there tomorrow.... and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Well spotted again Mick. The first lines from one of the Bard's finest soliliquies where Macbeth realizes that life is a ' tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing ' I wonder if Shakespeare thought that, though no one would say his plays are tales by an idiot.

prendrelemick

11-09-2009, 02:59 PM

"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match.

:lol: That's so true!

jocky

11-09-2009, 06:09 PM

Wiser men were not even involved in the match.

Absolutely right, they, even like the dumber men would have known the match has not been played yet.

The Atheist

11-09-2009, 09:46 PM

"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match. It takes more than one leather ball to play rugby. Hence, no women sport the same.

Hey, we have a great women's team in NZ!

They beat the US men's team three times last year.

:D

I was dry for a few days-can't remember the number-point being I visited COLD ALE and immediately had to drive away and get me some. Thanks guys.

We're all part of the Global Booze Conspiracy, or GBC for short.

"Peyote is better than mushrooms, but I don't know that for a fact, sinc I didn't follow my children's advice to imbibe in fungus. It's ony legal for some natives to use peyote in religious experiences. I can only tell you that since I'm not native, I scraped out all the white strchnyne before the spiritual juices.

Very wise.

:lol:

Mushrooms are better.

And safer.

;)

gbrekken

11-10-2009, 05:43 PM

I'll fail in my attempt to keep this short. though every attempt be terse.

I'm still trying to overcome the raw feeling that comes after being whipped by a soft wet noodle. It's merely further proof that I really did stop too many hockey pucks with my head (I had actually before questioned if it had been too many-but now, with the help of my firneds, I know it to be the truth).

I certainly hope that the it wasn't the last jackalope that was eaten by our Texan friend. It hinted at a Magnum Opus of a haunch, and if it truly were the last of the breed, unshared, would be a folly. I only ever came across one of those magnificent beings in Wyoming.

Should I say please before I ask someone for directions on how to phrase/insert a previous quote? How about the using the smilies? Or should my words be sufficient?

Son of mine from Houston offered me a gift card to a bunny ranch for Christmas. So-so funny, didn't laugh my *** off, though he knew the offer was jocularly intended. I told him I had something more expensive in mind.

For the lfe of the thread I propose a sporting proposition for winter olympics. Southern hemispherical teams must be given points, spread, odds, since they are playing "out of season". What do you say gents? Intelligent guys from Bemidji (though they probably won't make it to the states' finals) repeat their gold-medal winning performance in the finest of all manly sports-curling?

I don't dare put my hockey ladies up against the New Zealand men's team. It's simply too embarrasing to be done.

jocky

11-10-2009, 06:49 PM

Apparently Bemidji is short of a village idiot, as the last one fell off the fence. You have all the right qualities for the position.

Scheherazade

11-10-2009, 07:00 PM

Should I say please before I ask someone for directions on how to phrase/insert a previous quote? How about the using the smilies? Or should my words be sufficient?Hi, gbrekken.

If you click on the "quote" button which appears at the bottom right hand corner of each post, you can insert the post you want into your own.

If you would like to quote more than one post, then you need click on the button with the "+" on it on all the posts you want to quote and then click on the "Post a reply" button at the bottom left corner of the page.

Hope this helps. If you have any more questions, please PM me.

gbrekken

11-10-2009, 07:24 PM

Oh Jocky you make me laugh, I hate it when I fall off the fence on top of all my oder brothers. Your country has a gold medal winning curling team?

jocky

11-10-2009, 07:41 PM

Oh Jocky you make me laugh, I hate it when I fall off the fence on top of all my oder brothers. Your country has a gold medal winning curling team?

Brevity at last. You are right though we are crap at everything, apart from wife rustling, boozing, picking fights and enjoying genial conversations. Especially ones with multiple literary allusions interspersed with horse manure. Goodnight Gbrekken. Welcome aboard :)

gbrekken

11-10-2009, 07:58 PM

Being welcome is not even something my eight older brothers granted me. I'm always brief, just long-winded.

The Atheist

11-11-2009, 02:45 AM

Son of mine from Houston offered me a gift card to a bunny ranch for Christmas. So-so funny, didn't laugh my *** off, though he knew the offer was jocularly intended. I told him I had something more expensive in mind.

:lol:

Too cheap? Were they Chinese?

For the lfe of the thread I propose a sporting proposition for winter olympics. Southern hemispherical teams must be given points, spread, odds, since they are playing "out of season". What do you say gents? Intelligent guys from Bemidji (though they probably won't make it to the states' finals) repeat their gold-medal winning performance in the finest of all manly sports-curling?

We're like the Jamaican bobsled team.

Just without the speed, finesse or good looks. (or John Candy)

I don't dare put my hockey ladies up against the New Zealand men's team. It's simply too embarrasing to be done.

Surely we don't have a team at the Winter Olympics? Our hockey players play on grass - they'll get killed!

Especially ones with multiple literary allusions interspersed with horse manure.

Sounds like a luncheon I went to last week!

jocky

11-11-2009, 08:34 AM

ANTHEM FOR DOOMED YOUTH

What passing bells for those who die as cattle?
Only the monsterous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifle's rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries for them from prayers or bells,
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,-
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

What candles may be held to speed them all ?
Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.
The pallor of girl's brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing down of blinds.

The Atheist

11-11-2009, 07:59 PM

jocky

11-11-2009, 08:26 PM

As a bloke to whom poetry has as much meaning as a cloudy day, I am strangely touched by Wilfred Owen. Dulce et decorum est has always been one of the few pieces of poetry not written by Dylan Thomas that I actually like.

With the Doomed Youth, I find it funny that almost 100 years ago, the fact of kids dying in war was the issue, while now there are no wars for non-volunteers, kids try as hard as possible to kill themselves.

It all confirms what I've thought for a long time - we need more wars!

It is the old lie Atheist ' It sweet and fitting is to die for ones country ' . Testosterone has a lot to answer for. Throw it all in rewind and think back, were we any different ? We have a duty to our kids to keep them out of the meat grinder, unfortunately I have no recollection of listening to my old man, except when trying to empty his wallet. Your right we do need more wars and if my neighbour does not cut his hedge repercussions are imminent.

prendrelemick

11-12-2009, 03:24 AM

The Atheist

11-12-2009, 04:03 AM

It is the old lie Atheist ' It sweet and fitting is to die for ones country ' .[/QB]

That's it!

I think that's the day I realised war was unbelievably stupid. I was about 11.

Still can't figure out why everyone else doesn't see it....

Testosterone has a lot to answer for. Throw it all in rewind and think back, were we any different ?[/QB]

I was. I've alwys been an outcast on the fringes of society.

Strange, but true!

:D

We have a duty to our kids to keep them out of the meat grinder, unfortunately I have no recollection of listening to my old man, except when trying to empty his wallet. Your right we do need more wars and if my neighbour does not cut his hedge repercussions are imminent.

:lol:

If hostilities break out, I'll know what it was.

Comformation:
The country IS going to the dogs. First the Cold Ale Club is over run with females, then one turns up flying with the Red Arrows! What next? Is there any remaining bastion of maleness to retreat to?

Funny you should take that line..

With all the focus on men's health, men's mental issues, the takeover of male bastions and depilation creams for blokes, I'm about to blog that "Men are the New Women!"

:rolleyes:

soundofmusic

11-12-2009, 10:32 AM

Funny you should take that line..

With all the focus on men's health, men's mental issues, the takeover of male bastions and depilation creams for blokes, I'm about to blog that "Men are the New Women!"

:rolleyes:

:lol: Well, in that case :banana::banana::banana: I do hope there's no hairy backs that want depilatory cream:sick:
Is anyone serving tea and some of those nice paste cakes? Ah, and here comes Mrs. Jocky, sit right here dear; the boys are throwing us a party...they say the Blokes thread is missing a "women's touch".

The Atheist

11-12-2009, 12:13 PM

Now, we stand for some occasional female company, but if you start inviting wives along, there will be trouble!

soundofmusic

11-12-2009, 03:09 PM

Now, we stand for some occasional female company, but if you start inviting wives along, there will be trouble!

We were all having such a nice time until gbekken brought in those strumpets from the bunny ranch; Mrs Jocky jumped over the bar, fast as lightening, hit one over the head with a bottle and began to mud wrestle with the other.
Last thing I noticed, that little effeminate author (the one who did that whole diagnosis of Richard III from the Shakespeare play) jumped on top of the women, trying to pull them apart, got knocked out and all four went off in an ambulance. I'm trying to make up my mind whether I'll stay and have some of that Kahlua and Bailey's mix, or hitch a ride with Pappaya head.:(

jocky

11-12-2009, 08:33 PM

Comformation:
The country IS going to the dogs. First the Cold Ale Club is over run with females, then one turns up flying with the Red Arrows! What next? Is there any remaining bastion of maleness to retreat to?

(note to Jocky: quips about the state of her cockpit would be in very poor taste)

According to the latest intelligence forwarded to me by Wing Commander Biggles, the cockpits have never been so clean. While the pilots are overloaded with flight plans and the latest aeronautical monoevres, the lady in question had been armed to the teeth with brillo pads, mops, sick remover and rubber gloves. The one big worry seems to be if she starts talking some rogue pilot may eject her over the Grimpen Mire. :)

That's it!

I think that's the day I realised war was unbelievably stupid. I was about 11.

Still can't figure out why everyone else doesn't see it....

I was. I've alwys been an outcast on the fringes of society.

Strange, but true!

:D

That is inhuman, how can anyone not be turned on by mass slaughter and human suffering ? It must have been that Strange Meeting what dun it. :)

Another gem from William Topaz MacGonnagal. The Tay ( a river in Scotland )

The Tay, the Tay the silvery Tay,
It runs all night and it runs all day.

Note the liberal interpretation of iambic pentameter, freestyle at its most innovative. :)

Gilliatt Gurgle

11-13-2009, 12:29 AM

...I certainly hope that the it wasn't the last jackalope that was eaten by our Texan friend. It hinted at a Magnum Opus of a haunch, and if it truly were the last of the breed, unshared, would be a folly. I only ever came across one of those magnificent beings in Wyoming...

Son of a Yedi!! There’s someone out there who’s familiar with the great Jackalope!
It truly is a small world and no; we Gurgles would never dream of feeding on these magnificent creatures.

My uncle heads up the West Texas Foundation for Jackalope Preservation (most folks simply say; WTF for short).
He is currently breeding the Loblolly Jackalopes (Lepus Antilocapra Pinus Taeda) and is reintroducing them into the Piney woods region of East Texas where their numbers have been dwindling due to poaching by the Conservancy. The western Jackalopes have fared much better due to their size, speed and agility. Ranchers have learned to break and saddle them for use in working their cattle. The antlers are well suited for cattle prodding.

Take a look for yourself: (look toward the bottom of the webpage)
http://www.chuckstoyland.com/potpourri/jackalope%20postcards/

Douglas Wyoming is the home of the Jackalope, but I had a haunch, you already knew that.

Prendrelemick, you might consider a Jackalope to work the sheep.

According to the latest intelligence forwarded to me by Wing Commander Biggles
Jocky,
I hold my glass up to you in a beltaed Veterans Day salute and to your near acquisition of the Victoria Cross.

gbrekken

11-13-2009, 12:18 PM

I'll try follow directions and insert quotes. Didn't work. I'll take a healthy plague over war any day. Thought I'd let that cow pie plop before I continued to larger weightier matters. Conservancy still raises its ugly head-sad day, but probably universal. One smiling dancing banana properly placed, is more satisfying than four ingested. Two things-single malt and golf are both compliments of my ancestors. (Hacker with momentary lapses into brilliance describes my golf game better than my computer skills-gave my clubs to youngest son-they'll help him succeed in law school better than the computer he donated to me). Strumpets, crumpets, and trumpets, my arse. I have to go do laundry. Hate it when one's own smell awakens one and keeps one awake all day long. Cheshire cat smiles.

prendrelemick

11-14-2009, 06:51 AM

Son of a Yedi!! There’s someone out there who’s familiar with the great Jackalope!
It truly is a small world and no; we Gurgles would never dream of feeding on these magnificent creatures.

My uncle heads up the West Texas Foundation for Jackalope Preservation (most folks simply say; WTF for short).
He is currently breeding the Loblolly Jackalopes (Lepus Antilocapra Pinus Taeda) and is reintroducing them into the Piney woods region of East Texas where their numbers have been dwindling due to poaching by the Conservancy. The western Jackalopes have fared much better due to their size, speed and agility. Ranchers have learned to break and saddle them for use in working their cattle. The antlers are well suited for cattle prodding.

Take a look for yourself: (look toward the bottom of the webpage)
http://www.chuckstoyland.com/potpourri/jackalope%20postcards/

Douglas Wyoming is the home of the Jackalope, but I had a haunch, you already knew that.

Prendrelemick, you might consider a Jackalope to work the sheep.

Jocky,
I hold my glass up to you in a beltaed Veterans Day salute and to your near acquisition of the Victoria Cross.

I could use a Jackalope to round up my chinchevache

I trust Athiest is celebrating/basking in the glory of his country's sucess on the soccer pitch. The All Whites have qualified for The World Cup finals for only the second time in their history. jolly good show.

Gilliatt Gurgle

11-15-2009, 10:28 AM

I'll try follow directions and insert quotes. Didn't work... ...Cheshire cat smiles.

GBrekken,
I sent you a couple of messages to your profile page describing the quoting process. Hopefully I made some sense. By the way, I like the narrative description approach for "smilies". "Yellow hand with thumbs up".

I could use a Jackalope to round up my chinchevache

I trust Athiest is celebrating/basking in the glory of his country's sucess on the soccer pitch. The All Whites have qualified for The World Cup finals for only the second time in their history. jolly good show.

Thanks for that Chichevache reference-too funny. Wiki made a reference to the Cantebury Tales, the Clerk's Tale to be specific. Here's how my copy reads:

"O noble wives, in highest prudence bred,
Allow no such humility to nail
Your tongues, or give a scholar cause to shed
Such light on you as this astounding tale
Sheds on Griselda, patient still and kind,
Lest Chichevache engulf you like a whale."

Good luck to you Atheist and your team!
By the way, how did that playhouse turn out. Did you receive the Certificate of Occupancy from the building officials?

Gilliatt

The Atheist

11-15-2009, 05:47 PM

Good luck to you Atheist and your team!
By the way, how did that playhouse turn out. Did you receive the Certificate of Occupancy from the building officials?

Gilliatt

The team got thrashed, but so did the Poms, so again it's time to thank our lucky stars that Australians are barred from the club! (males anyway)

The playhouse is being played in - very popular.

If you came to NZ, or had a week to spare, I'd be able to explain how funny the building permit question is. Short answer, due to NZ's "green" status, coupled with our dual sovereignty status, getting something as simple as a playhouse built would cost $10,000 in legal fees to get a permit.

I'm a rebel - I just didn't get one!

:)

jocky

11-15-2009, 08:16 PM

The team got thrashed, but so did the Poms, so again it's time to thank our lucky stars that Australians are barred from the club! (males anyway)

:)

Scotland 23 Fiji 10. The mushroom dinner party strategy worked like a dream. I was going to have a go at Prend, again , but being beat 1-0 by the Brazilians is no disgrace and besides, he might remind me that getting thrashed 3-0 by Whales could be deeply embarassing and leave me all at sea. Still at least one out of two aint bad. Three defeats out of three, on the other hand, would be to difficult to contemplate. :lol:

"O noble wives, in highest prudence bred,
Allow no such humility to nail
Your tongues, or give a scholar cause to shed
Such light on you as this astounding tale
Sheds on Griselda, patient still and kind,
Lest Chichevache engulf you like a whale.

Gilliatt

Dark was the nyght as pitch, or as the cole,
And at the wyndowe out she put her hole,
And Absolon, hym fil no bet be wers,
But with his mouth he kiste her naked ers.

The joys of the English language. :)

prendrelemick

11-16-2009, 04:55 AM

So, to round up. English teams lost to Brazil, South Africa and Aus..Aus.. Austrailia. Thats football cricket and rugby league ( I was there for that one:mad:). There are degrees of humiliation I suppose and bad as it was I thank God i'm not a scottish futba fan this morning, they played like erses.

jocky

11-16-2009, 01:58 PM

There are degrees of humiliation I suppose and bad as it was I thank God i'm not a scottish futba fan this morning, they played like erses.

:lol: OUCH !

jocky

11-18-2009, 04:15 PM

soundofmusic

11-18-2009, 06:38 PM

prendrelemick

11-19-2009, 03:04 AM

Like the scotch idea, but not sure about letting the mistress come round. Give 'em an inch and they start measuring up for new curtains.

soundofmusic

11-19-2009, 11:11 AM

Like the scotch idea, but not sure about letting the mistress come round. Give 'em an inch and they start measuring up for new curtains.

:cool: Exactly, you never let the lover near your main domain; keep them on neutral territory (as expensive as that may be)...

Okay, guys, I'm off to discuss turkey preparing...It is sad how little "space" you poor blokes get. The girls have the bathroom, living room and kitchen. You guys are pushed to the garage and outdoor grill:bawling:

gbrekken

11-19-2009, 12:07 PM

Guys, a hypothetical question. If you caught your missus having an affair, would you:

A. Shoot the wife.

B. Shoot the boyfriend.

C. Shoot yourself.
Or Jocky's preferred option:

D. Pour yourself a large scotch, light a cigar and invite your long standing mistress over for the weekend ? :)

several assumptions must be called into question. If it's your long standing/lying mistress you catch in the sack with your wife, wouldn't you pour three drinks, and give them the opportunity to struggle over the use of the only gun worth anything in that scene?

blokes get whatever space they need-not sure about the wants being met, but at least their caves are free of squeeling turkeys.

the filed of 32 is set-when do they begin play?

prendrelemick

11-19-2009, 05:42 PM

:cool: Exactly, you never let the lover near your main domain; keep them on neutral territory (as expensive as that may be)...

Okay, guys, I'm off to discuss turkey preparing...It is sad how little "space" you poor blokes get. The girls have the bathroom, living room and kitchen. You guys are pushed to the garage and outdoor grill:bawling:

Just leave us the shed and we're happy:thumbs_up.

The Atheist

11-19-2009, 05:54 PM

Guys, a hypothetical question. If you caught your missus having an affair, would you:

D. Pour yourself a large scotch, light a cigar and invite your long standing mistress over for the weekend ? :)

Scotch and cigar, definitely. Not so sure about inviting the mistress over, she charges extra for outcalls.

;)

I've always been of the opinion that anyone breaking fidelity rules shouldn't be in the relationship anyway, so it's no big deal.

:eek: There should be an option for shoot the boyfriend, wife and take the mistress and the scotch to hawaii:banana::banana:

Even better, shooting all three and starting a new life in Hawaii with a team of hand-picked Polynesian women!

Like the scotch idea, but not sure about letting the mistress come round. Give 'em an inch and they start measuring up for new curtains.

Exactly!

Okay, guys, I'm off to discuss turkey preparing...It is sad how little "space" you poor blokes get. The girls have the bathroom, living room and kitchen. You guys are pushed to the garage and outdoor grill:bawling:

We feel your pain!

:D

I do turkey preparation as well. I buy it at the shop and leave it in ther fridge. Amazingly, it always turnd up cooked - I must be helluva good.

several assumptions must be called into question. If it's your long standing/lying mistress you catch in the sack with your wife, wouldn't you pour three drinks, and give them the opportunity to struggle over the use of the only gun worth anything in that scene?

:lol:

Every man's dream.

Or was that the wife's sister......?

blokes get whatever space they need-not sure about the wants being met, but at least their caves are free of squeeling turkeys.

Those turkey feathers are hell to get out of your bedding roll as well.

jocky

11-19-2009, 09:01 PM

Geez, that was some reaction to a hypothetical question. I thought someone would come up with an antithesis to the hypothesis which would have led to some sort of synthesis. Oh well, you cant win them all. Now to get really controversial, Mick you know we have got a British Empire, aint you just glad us Scots won it for you? Atheist you have defenitely mellowed since Atheist junior arrived. To my American buddies, big deal you won your independence, but we had the sense to burn down 1600 Pensylvania Avenue before we left. I saw the future and it was bleak. :)

prendrelemick

11-20-2009, 03:29 AM

err.. yes thanks for the Empire Jocky. And let me reassure you Scottish Johnnies that you are equal partners in this Great Britain of ours.:yawnb:

gbrekken

11-20-2009, 11:57 AM

soundofmusic

11-20-2009, 12:25 PM

several assumptions must be called into question. If it's your long standing/lying mistress you catch in the sack with your wife, wouldn't you pour three drinks, and give them the opportunity to struggle over the use of the only gun worth anything in that scene?

blokes get whatever space they need-not sure about the wants being met, but at least their caves are free of squeeling turkeys.

:cool: Leave it to you gbrekken, to put the wife and the mistress in the sack together...
I see your point; but I think I'd make the cave a panic room to keep the turkeys out, put carpet up the walls, a 60 color tv, pool table and full bar to make it cozy!

Just leave us the shed and we're happy:thumbs_up.

Don't you like my idea, above, better. Besides, sheds always have the painful reminders that the lawn needs mowing and the house needs painting.

I've always been of the opinion that anyone breaking fidelity rules shouldn't be in the relationship anyway, so it's no big deal

Even better, shooting all three and starting a new life in Hawaii with a team of hand-picked Polynesian women!

We feel your pain!

I do turkey preparation as well. I buy it at the shop and leave it in ther fridge. Amazingly, it always turnd up cooked - I must be helluva good.
.

You're such a jewel, Atheist, do you have a clone?
Didn't you just shoot the husband? No matter, ransack the house, grab the credit cards and go get those Polynesian women (just don't take any home)
Do you think you could purchase a second turkey; I'll come over on Thanksgiving morning for the bird and fixin's:lol:

To my American buddies, big deal you won your independence, but we had the sense to burn down 1600 Pensylvania Avenue before we left. I saw the future and it was bleak. :)

Yes, leave it to your guys to to sit down and eat a full meal at the house you were planning to burn down: the wine might have been poisoned or the house may have been burned down around your heads...that is, if dolly hadn't been so busy taking everything of value out while the blokes where feeding.
Anyway, we've learned from our mistakes; that's why we were trying to get a gun-toting woman in this time. Now we have a decoy in the white house ...you don't really believe that Americans have changed chess pieces after all these years of WASP....:lol: (for all of my fellow Americans...I'm just joking...yes, I know, it's very bad taste)

gbrekken

11-20-2009, 01:58 PM

it's very obvious that a snooker table must soon be found. it has a smaller more well defined kitchen, one of the places a woman does great work. i could only hope to limit the woman's place/space if we were each other's and had agreements. snooker is a billiard-type game for those poor ignorant folks who didn't know.

the most northern of the 48 was/is? #1 in turkeys. minisoda.

The Atheist

11-20-2009, 05:06 PM

being originally from a state #1 in turkey production, i wish everyone were thankful for whatever good they have in life, or whatever good they believe exists or may exist. personally, i'm going to buy a fat ham! cook it? maybe. eat it? no boubt adout it.

My Maine Man!

You're such a jewel, Atheist, do you have a clone?
Didn't you just shoot the husband? No matter, ransack the house, grab the credit cards and go get those Polynesian women (just don't take any home)
Do you think you could purchase a second turkey; I'll come over on Thanksgiving morning for the bird and fixin's:lol:

Hell, you could even have pancakes for breakfast!

...you don't really believe that Americans have changed chess pieces after all these years of WASP....:lol: (for all of my fellow Americans...I'm just joking...yes, I know, it's very bad taste)

:lol:

Bad taste jokes are always the best!

soundofmusic

11-21-2009, 01:13 PM

the white house is just that because it covered well the burning marks! it's true!

thesis, antithesis, then synthesis-isn't that how it goes/went? no partner equal not finding my mate in a relationship. oh how i moan and weep for the pain you all feel as you make her weep. :)
being originally from a state #1 in turkey production, i wish everyone were thankful for whatever good they have in life, or whatever good they believe exists or may exist.
should i stand behind my nation's female curlers? i'd rather watch 'em figure skating. banana dancing

I'd be alot more thankful if we were getting nice domesticated turkeys instead of those South American Fighting Turkeys that are all musky...
Have you noticed, Gerald, that the honeydews are tasting like cabbages, the beef is aged too long and the tomatos...blah

You know, of course, that most of the time your analogies are flying right above my head:blush:

Hell, you could even have pancakes for breakfast

Bad taste jokes are always the best!

Great, I love pancakes with comstock cherry pie filling and whipped cream:p
Glad you appreciate my humor; I think I'm scheduled to be tarred, feathered, drawn and quartered outside the white house on Thanksgiving day; so I'm staying away from DC.

The Atheist

11-21-2009, 04:08 PM

Don't expect to see jocky able to find his keyboard, let alone type, for the next few days.

Australia 8

Scotland 9

:banana::banana:

jocky

11-21-2009, 05:35 PM

Don't expect to see jocky able to find his keyboard, let alone type, for the next few days.

Australia 8

Scotland 9

:banana::banana:

Just before I take the top off my cherished bottle of Balvenie Thirty single malt, I would just like to comment, I thought my mushroom wheeze was good but managing to steal Matt Giteau's contact lenses an hour before the match was a stroke of genius. Today Australia, tomorrow zee vorld. :)

Michael T

11-21-2009, 08:57 PM

jocky

11-21-2009, 10:55 PM

:lol:... I thought of you when I heard the score Jocky. Excellent result!

Why, Michael that was very gracious and has put me in a generous frame of mind, that and my sixth glass of scotch. I would like to repay the good will in a reciprocal fashion to you and all my sassenach pals, unfortunately Atheist's mob whipped your asses. I am now going to burst into spontaneous song: There will be All Blacks over the White cliffs of Dover..... To all who I have offended, forgive me, it was not Jocky it was the booze. :lol:

prendrelemick

11-22-2009, 04:54 AM

The English Yawnion boys got what they deserved, and so did the Scots. "They'll be dancin in the streets of....well, everywhere tonight."

Meanwhile in South Africa, at least we won the toss.

The Atheist

11-22-2009, 04:06 PM

Just before I take the top off my cherished bottle of Balvenie Thirty single malt, I would just like to comment, I thought my mushroom wheeze was good but managing to steal Matt Giteau's contact lenses an hour before the match was a stroke of genius. Today Australia, tomorrow zee vorld. :)

:thumbs_up

The bad news is, we play you shortly.

The English Yawnion boys got what they deserved, and so did the Scots. "They'll be dancin in the streets of....well, everywhere tonight."

Meanwhile in South Africa, at least we won the toss.

That's a good effort - most Saffers I know are expert tossers.

jocky

11-22-2009, 05:21 PM

Meanwhile in South Africa, at least we won the toss.

Well done to your cricket team, you are on a roll Mick, Collingwood was outstanding.

jocky

11-22-2009, 05:35 PM

[QUOTE=The Atheist;807843]:thumbs_up

The bad news is, we play you shortly.

Aye, I admit Atheist to having a few sleepless nights over this one and I suspect mushrooms and theft may not work this time. It is time for the psychological mind games to commence, I believe the Haka is being performed by the Bolshoi Ballet as a tribute to New Zealand effeminate ideas of warfare. Time to head for the Anderson shelter. :)

soundofmusic

11-22-2009, 09:36 PM

:lol: I can't think of anything sexier than the buff men from the bolshoi doing the haka:brow:

jocky

11-22-2009, 11:32 PM

prendrelemick

11-23-2009, 05:01 AM

Your legal team could use the Heisenberg principle to cast doubt upon the eye witnesses. Which, (if I remember my Star Trek correctly) says it is impossible to simultaneously know both the where and when of any particle's situation . After all you are just a collection of particles.....

I rest my case M'lud.

The Atheist

11-23-2009, 02:20 PM

Aye, I admit Atheist to having a few sleepless nights over this one and I suspect mushrooms and theft may not work this time. It is time for the psychological mind games to commence, I believe the Haka is being performed by the Bolshoi Ballet as a tribute to New Zealand effeminate ideas of warfare. Time to head for the Anderson shelter. :)

Only if the girls do the haka in the traditional shirtless mode will that be allowed.

:D

:lol: I can't think of anything sexier than the buff men from the bolshoi doing the haka:brow:

The men?

What men?

Your legal team could use the Heisenberg principle to cast doubt upon the eye witnesses. Which, (if I remember my Star Trek correctly) says it is impossible to simultaneously know both the where and when of any particle's situation . After all you are just a collection of particles.....

I rest my case M'lud.

:lol:

Case closed.

Jocky, you could always try the identical twin defence!

soundofmusic

11-23-2009, 10:40 PM

Guys and ladies, pour yourselves a drink and pull your chairs closer to the fire Jocky has a tale to tell. That's better I can see all your demonic faces in the atmospheric glow, a sight to behold :) Recently I have turned my mind to the problem of quantum mechanics, in particular how a particle can be in two locations at the same time, Atheist I know you are dying to intervene, however wait till I finish. Recently I was charged with a horrific crime, despite my stonewall alibi winesses of unimpeachable character identified me at the scene of the bank robbery. My legal team, Grabber, Grasper and Goingdoon have, after much palm greasing agreed a new legal strategy. I plead quantum physics, so help me God. Your thoughts on this strategy would be greatly appreciated. :)

I can't quite wrap my head around the quantum physics; but I definitely look forward to watching the trial on court tv:thumbs_up

Only if the girls do the haka in the traditional shirtless mode will that be allowed.

:D

The men?

What men?

:lol:

Case closed.

Jocky, you could always try the identical twin defence!

Wait a minute, I didn't see any shirtless women doing the haka on youtube; there were a few gingerbread cookies, some rabbits, some NZ natives and a soccer team!
Yes, I like the twin defense; too.

gbrekken

11-24-2009, 03:13 PM

forget defense. i'll go on the offensive with both twins, providing they're willing of course. one woman is more than enough for any man.. honesty mates?

soundofmusic

11-24-2009, 06:50 PM

forget defense. i'll go on the offensive with both twins, providing they're willing of course. one woman is more than enough for any man.. honesty mates?

Here, Here, Gbrekken is here to save the day! Gracious, are there really two identical Jockys?
Good question, Is one woman enough for any man? I guess it depends on the woman:brow:

prendrelemick

11-25-2009, 04:16 AM

Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/untitled.jpg

jocky

11-25-2009, 06:43 AM

Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/untitled.jpg

:lol::lol::lol:

Atheist's mother in law looks cool in this one. I hope she is not in the line up against us. :)

The Atheist

11-25-2009, 01:53 PM

forget defense. i'll go on the offensive with both twins, providing they're willing of course. one woman is more than enough for any man.. honesty mates?

Oh god yes.

The double-trouble argument could never be more beautifully illustrated than the thought of two of them.

Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality

Hmmmm. A quick bath and I reckon a couple of them would scrub up ok!

:lol::lol::lol:

Atheist's mother in law looks cool in this one. I hope she is not in the line up against us. :)

:lol:

All kidding aside, my m-o-l is possibly the fattest woman in NZ. If she was in the photo, they'd have needed a wide-angle lens.

Lovely woman, but the size of a small bungalow.

jocky

11-25-2009, 05:49 PM

:lol:

All kidding aside, my m-o-l is possibly the fattest woman in NZ. If she was in the photo, they'd have needed a wide-angle lens.

Lovely woman, but the size of a small bungalow.

That's nothing, my mother in law is so grotesque the Scottish Tourist Board employ her every summer to swim up and down Loch Ness. :)

The Atheist

11-25-2009, 06:58 PM

That's nothing, my mother in law is so grotesque the Scottish Tourist Board employ her every summer to swim up and down Loch Ness. :)

Oh god!

May history never allow the pair of them in the lake at the same time!

Daily Mail Headline"

Monster and White Whale Seen in Loch Ness.

jocky

11-25-2009, 08:39 PM

Oh god!

May history never allow the pair of them in the lake at the same time!

Daily Mail Headline"

Monster and White Whale Seen in Loch Ness.

Even Herman Melville's Captain Ahab would have turned the Pequod around in horror, and that was a man who didn't scare easily. I dont think I will get much sleep tonight. :)

prendrelemick

11-26-2009, 04:07 AM

Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers.:lol:

jocky

11-26-2009, 12:08 PM

Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers.:lol:

No worries on that score Prend, my wife was adopted. After much historical research it was established that her real mother is Jamie Lee Curtis. I cant speak for poor old Atheist though. :)

soundofmusic

11-26-2009, 03:44 PM

:cold:
Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality

Oh man, I never want to see that again; Leave me to my gingerbread cookies and the mesomales from the bolshoi:eek:

Hmmmm. A quick bath and I reckon a couple of them would scrub up ok!

What a good fellow ; Always believing that something good lies under a few inches of mud. :thumbs_up

Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers.:lol:
It's true, I sometimes scare myself in the bathroom mirror

No worries on that score Prend, my wife was adopted. After much historical research it was established that her real mother is Jamie Lee Curtis. I cant speak for poor old Atheist though. :)

Okay, isn't there anyone who thinks that both of Jamies' parents are prettier than she is? Her mom had nice round curves and her dad had that great hair and eyes...

prendrelemick

11-27-2009, 02:34 AM

janet was an outstanding talent.

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/janet_leigh.jpg

The Atheist

11-27-2009, 04:13 AM

Even Herman Melville's Captain Ahab would have turned the Pequod around in horror, and that was a man who didn't scare easily. I dont think I will get much sleep tonight. :)

:lol:

Me neither. What a thought!

Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers.:lol:

Haha! Yes, I have. My ex and her mother are used by theologians to prove that Satan is loose on Earth.

No worries on that score Prend, my wife was adopted. After much historical research it was established that her real mother is Jamie Lee Curtis. I cant speak for poor old Atheist though. :)

Praise be, my wife managed not to fall into that genetic trap. While her mother weighs several tonnes, my wife is a delicate 50kg.

jocky

11-27-2009, 12:29 PM

janet was an outstanding talent.

My grandmother in law is demanding to know where you got this photograph. I heard her muttering something about breach of copyright and litigation. :)

:

My ex and her mother are used by theologians to prove that Satan is loose on Earth.

Bad enough discussing mothers in law but bringing up ex wives and their mothers is beyond the pale. Anymore of this and I will be forced to take steps to have you removed from your own thread. :)

Argentina 9 Scotland 6. That was brutal, what ever happened to the finesse and grace of the game ? The only consolation was the Kiwis humped the unmentionables. I am now going to my bed forever, well at least until Mick reminds me of the score.:(

soundofmusic

11-29-2009, 01:21 AM

janet was an outstanding talent.

:banana: I rest my case!
http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/janet_leigh.jpg

Praise be, my wife managed not to fall into that genetic trap. While her mother weighs several tonnes, my wife is a delicate 50kg.

Atheist, I was always sure that you were a gynecologist by trade because you were so aware of all this medical stuff and you managed to get the hottest females; but, really, you have forgotten that all bets are off with the wife and that petite frame until after the "Big M"

My grandmother in law is demanding to know where you got this photograph. I heard her muttering something about breach of copyright and litigation. :)

:thumbs_up

The Atheist

11-29-2009, 04:01 AM

Argentina 9 Scotland 6. That was brutal, what ever happened to the finesse and grace of the game ? The only consolation was the Kiwis humped the unmentionables. I am now going to my bed forever, well at least until Mick reminds me of the score.:(

Yes, the ABs are reigning supreme right now.

Just as they 2 years before every world cup.

Atheist, I was always sure that you were a gynecologist by trade because you were so aware of all this medical stuff and you managed to get the hottest females; but, really, you have forgotten that all bets are off with the wife and that petite frame until after the "Big M"

Haha!

No, I reckon I'm safe there. Her mother was only the size of a small office pre-menopause, so there's no chance Mrs Atheist's going the same way.

:D

soundofmusic

11-30-2009, 02:02 AM

Haha!

No, I reckon I'm safe there. Her mother was only the size of a small office pre-menopause, so there's no chance Mrs Atheist's going the same way.

:D

Well, it could be worse; I take after my dad's dad; all the women on his side have moustaches, beards and male pattern baldness:nod:

Shalot

11-30-2009, 02:15 AM

I'm not a bloke but I am having a cold ale so I thought I would post here. so that entitles me to honorary bloke status and an honorary set of cahonas...(spelling....kahonas) or an honorary pair.

highland brewing company oatmeal porter. it's awesome.

I have a stomach condition and I shouldn't drink but this is one great ale. A bloke would drink anyway despite stomach conditions, right. So, yeah cold ales...woo hoo

oh, and btw, I have no idea what's going on in this thread...it was just at the top of the stack here and it said cold ale, and since I'm having one, I just thought I'd post. Feel free to ignore this post and pass right on over it. Continue with whatever conversation was going on. This is one them there drunk posts I believe.

The Atheist

11-30-2009, 04:48 AM

Well, it could be worse; I take after my dad's dad; all the women on his side have moustaches, beards and male pattern baldness:nod:

Lucky escape!

I'm not a bloke but I am having a cold ale so I thought I would post here. so that entitles me to honorary bloke status and an honorary set of cahonas...(spelling....kahonas) or an honorary pair.

Welcome in!

We have a select band of honorary blokes already in the thread, so you're welcome to stay!

(It's cojones by the way.)

highland brewing company oatmeal porter. it's awesome.

oh, and btw, I have no idea what's going on in this thread...it was just at the top of the stack here and it said cold ale, and since I'm having one, I just thought I'd post. Feel free to ignore this post and pass right on over it. Continue with whatever conversation was going on. This is one them there drunk posts I believe.

That'll match about 50% of the existing ones.

You don't need to know what the thread's about - it isn't about anything.

:D

Shalot

11-30-2009, 12:30 PM

Lucky escape!

Welcome in!

We have a select band of honorary blokes already in the thread, so you're welcome to stay!

(It's cojones by the way.)

highland brewing company oatmeal porter. it's awesome.

That'll match about 50% of the existing ones.

You don't need to know what the thread's about - it isn't about anything.

:D

oh right cojones --- the j sounds like h in espanol right...I forgot. drunk spellings...:-D

prendrelemick

11-30-2009, 04:24 PM

I missed all the sporting clashes. Been sampling Hertog Jan in Holland this weekend, a surprisingly drinkable lager favoured by the students of Arnhem.
They also like to sing "The Train Song" whilst drinking the above, I dont have an exact translation of this, but the chorus goes whooo whöö whöö. (you had to be there)

Ahh those dutch, zay are crazshy man!

soundofmusic

12-01-2009, 10:35 PM

Lucky escape!

Welcome in!

We have a select band of honorary blokes already in the thread, so you're welcome to stay!

(It's cojones by the way.)

:D

I didn't really escape entirely!

Ah, my evil plan is taking root; yet, another honorary bloke.

I don't want any cohones...They seem utterly usless to me. They keep getting bigger over the years until the poor penis almost gets lost in the wrinkles. I've never figured out why the guys want to carry around a couple of walnuts in such a huge pigskin purse. Now personally, If I were a bloke; I would just want a really big penis; One that I could throw over my shoulder. They'd call me "The envy of wallstreet" and women would run squealing when I walked down the street!:eek2:

skib

12-02-2009, 12:21 AM

:lol: !

The Atheist

12-02-2009, 02:27 AM

Brilliant!

You are definitely an honorary bloke now!

Scheherazade

12-02-2009, 03:46 AM

R e m i n d e r

This Forum welcomes people from all age groups as well as people from different religious and cultural backgrounds.

Please keep this fact in mind while posting.

jocky

12-02-2009, 10:02 AM

Now for something completely different. Tiger Woods sneaks up the stairs at two in the morning, WHAM his wife hits him on the back of his head with his favourite titanium driver, what a swing. He stumbles downstairs and into his car SMASH his wife shatters his windscreen with a three iron, CRASH he hits a fire hydrant slews across the road and BASH hits a tree. She pulls him from the car and slashes him several times across the face with a Nike tee. ' Listen buster you will keep out of the rough and stick to the fairway fom now on. ' The moral being, never play away when married to someone who knows how to raise her game. :)

The Atheist

12-02-2009, 01:45 PM

R e m i n d e r

See what happens when you allow women into the club?

:D

Now for something completely different. Tiger Woods sneaks up the stairs at two in the morning, WHAM his wife hits him on the back of his head with his favourite titanium driver, what a swing. He stumbles downstairs and into his car SMASH his wife shatters his windscreen with a three iron, CRASH he hits a fire hydrant slews across the road and BASH hits a tree. She pulls him from the car and slashes him several times across the face with a Nike tee. ' Listen buster you will keep out of the rough and stick to the fairway fom now on. ' The moral being, never play away when married to someone who knows how to raise her game. :)

:lol:

That could be how it went down.

I don't normally care for celebrity gossip, but to see Woods actually be shown to be human and subject to human error is pretty good.

The side question of how someone could be married to Elin and even realise other women existed, let alone be attractive, remains unanswered.

jocky

12-02-2009, 05:51 PM

The side question of how someone could be married to Elin and even realise other women existed, let alone be attractive, remains unanswered.

Atheist, there are some things in this life that are unknowable, as Donald Rumsfeld used to say. I suspect your beloved science will never answer this one. ' there are more things in heaven and earth, Atheist, than are dreamt of in your philosophy ' :)

Scheherazade

12-02-2009, 06:26 PM

See what happens when you allow women into the club? I know. They just cause you get reminders and warnings from the moderators...

:rolleyes:

Red-Headed

12-02-2009, 06:36 PM

Is this thread still about beer? In which case does anyone drink this? (http://www.caledonian-brewery.co.uk/) I am really developing a taste for it. :thumbs_up

jocky

12-02-2009, 06:52 PM

I know. They just cause you get reminders and warnings from the moderators...

:rolleyes:

You know your nickname amongst private messengers , of course you do. Beware the THREADENDER. BRRR :)

Scheherazade

12-02-2009, 07:04 PM

THREADENDER. BRRR :)Wha...??? You... You call me "threadender"?!?!???

*goes to the corner to curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep*

:rolleyes:

jocky

12-02-2009, 07:07 PM

Is this thread still about beer? In which case does anyone drink this? (http://www.caledonian-brewery.co.uk/) I am really developing a taste for it. :thumbs_up

You dont mean Caledonian Deuchars do you ? I believe a few Edinburghwegian undergraduates still keep the tradition alive. Listen Ginger my entymological buddy I am sure we have had a run in before. As to your original point, we gave up talking about beer after the fifth or sixshhh pint. Where's that Prendrelemick, I hope he didn't make a hash of his Dutch expedition. :)

Red-Headed

12-02-2009, 07:47 PM

You dont mean Caledonian Deuchars do you ? I believe a few Edinburghwegian undergraduates still keep the tradition alive.

Well, it's available south of the border now.

Listen Ginger my entymological buddy I am sure we have had a run in before. As to your original point, we gave up talking about beer after the fifth or sixshhh pint. Where's that Prendrelemick, I hope he didn't make a hash of his Dutch expedition. :)

I see. It's just that drinking beer is one of my hobbies. ;)

jocky

12-02-2009, 08:04 PM

Well, it's available south of the border now.

I see. It's just that drinking beer is one of my hobbies. ;)

:lol:

You mean to tell me Deuchars is available in Mexico! A bit of good Scottish advice, never, but never mix beer and literature, it is a recipe for disaster, take it from one who knows. :)

The Atheist

12-02-2009, 10:49 PM

Atheist, there are some things in this life that are unknowable, as Donald Rumsfeld used to say.

Great analogy!

I know. They just cause you get reminders and warnings from the moderators...

:rolleyes:

Yeah, but still, if it happened at work, someone would have probably lodged a sexual harrassment suit and we'd all be wearing striped clothes!

I see. It's just that drinking beer is one of my hobbies. ;)

Can't find a more honourable hobby than that!

jocky

12-02-2009, 11:36 PM

Yeah, but still, if it happened at work, someone would have probably lodged a sexual harrassment suit and we'd all be wearing striped clothes!

No way Atheist, Jocky may not have the X factor but I have defenitely got the squirm factor. Moderators, plural ? You mean Schez is like a big front for something far more sinister! Tell me your not a moderator Atheist, oh my God it's Mick, I knew it, I have walked right into a trap. This is a Kafkaesque moment, I want to break free :)

Red-Headed

12-03-2009, 12:25 AM

:lol:

You mean to tell me Deuchars is available in Mexico!

No (well it might be), it's just the global warming making you think that it is Mexico.

A bit of good Scottish advice, never, but never mix beer and literature, it is a recipe for disaster, take it from one who knows. :)

Too late for me, I'm on several units of alcohol a day & three paperbacks a week. I just don't think I can cold turkey...

Is it worse than mixing the hop & the vine? :eek2:

Can't find a more honourable hobby than that!

Well I might be able to, but I am usually far too busy drinking ale in the pub.

jocky

12-03-2009, 12:57 AM

Too late for me, I'm on several units of alcohol a day & three paperbacks a week. I just don't think I can cold turkey...

Aah, a troubled man, it could be the red hair! I can clearly see you are having difficulties, do you not mean several paper backs and three units of alcohol a week? My advice would be this, whether it be the metaphysical poets, the English language ( God help us all ) or Bernard Mathew's Pot Roasts the Blokes Thread is here for you. :)

soundofmusic

12-03-2009, 04:38 AM

Red-Headed

12-03-2009, 09:25 AM

Aah, a troubled man, it could be the red hair! I can clearly see you are having difficulties, do you not mean several paper backs and three units of alcohol a week?

I'm not sure, after freebasing some Foucault I kind of lost track.

My advice would be this, whether it be the metaphysical poets, the English language ( God help us all ) or Bernard Mathew's Pot Roasts the Blokes Thread is here for you. :)

Ah! Those Metaphysical poets & their conceits...

As for Bernard Matthew's Pot Roasts...definitely not bootiful. :eek:

prendrelemick

12-03-2009, 12:13 PM

[QUOTE=The Atheist;811347]See what happens when you allow women into the club?

No, it's okay with any of the other women; I've just got this special talent: when I say the P word or talk about anything gratifying; it gratifies people enough that they assume there must be something wrong with it...In case anyone hasn't noticed; I'm not the one starting all those new sexually explicit threads...I'm just enjoying them...:p

Enough already Sounds, you dont need to explain yourself here. Your previous post has already put me off walnuts for the rest of my life. We blokes are a bit squeemish about that sort of thing - (graphic descriptions of our willies:sick:)- we prefer to believe that women are all innocents who are unable to resist our male charm, which is magnified to irresistable proportions through alcohol.

soundofmusic

12-03-2009, 03:00 PM

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;811609]

Enough already Sounds, you dont need to explain yourself here. Your previous post has already put me off walnuts for the rest of my life. We blokes are a bit squeemish about that sort of thing - (graphic descriptions of our willies:sick:)- we prefer to believe that women are all innocents who are unable to resist our male charm, which is magnified to irresistable proportions through alcohol.

:santasmil Sorry, When you receive your present marked "Don't open 'til Xmas"; just return it unopened: It is a beautiful German Soldier Nutcracker:lol: Just be glad you're not a woman and have to look at O'keefe; I got traumatized everytime I saw a bee! Do you suppose women drink to become innocent...I hear men tell me the women look much better after a few drinks. :ladysman:

prendrelemick

12-03-2009, 03:42 PM

Surely a lady would avert her gaze.:lol:

The Atheist

12-03-2009, 03:45 PM

No way Atheist, Jocky may not have the X factor but I have defenitely got the squirm factor. Moderators, plural ?

They're everywhere!

Luckily, my passport is stamped with "Never, ever allowed to be a moderator".

I'm just not..... moderate enough.

Actually, comparing this one

Too late for me, I'm on several units of alcohol a day & three paperbacks a week. I just don't think I can cold turkey...

Sounds terminal, you'll just have to live with it.

Is it worse than mixing the hop & the vine? :eek2:

Nothing, but nithing's worse than that.

I'm not the one starting all those new sexually explicit threads...I'm just enjoying them...:p

Sexually explicit threads?

I'm off!

... which is magnified to irresistable proportions through alcohol.

[...I hear men tell me the women look much better after a few drinks. :ladysman:

I don't agree with that at all.

It's aliens, I tell ya!

Going to bed with Miss World at 3 am and waking up with the She-Devil at noon can only be proof that alien abductions are real.

Red-Headed

12-03-2009, 06:31 PM

Sounds terminal, you'll just have to live with it.

I'll live, just as long as I can score some 'E' (existentialism) or some Dante's Divine Comedy...I'm really hurting for some tricento Italian literature...

Nothing, but nithing's worse than that.

Mixing Dan Brown & Jeffrey Archer paperbacks? :eek:

[/QUOTE]

soundofmusic

12-03-2009, 06:57 PM

Surely a lady would avert her gaze.:lol:

Avert, next time I'm wearing blinders:eek:

Sexually explicit threads?

I'm off!

I don't agree with that at all.

It's aliens, I tell ya!

Going to bed with Miss World at 3 am and waking up with the She-Devil at noon can only be proof that alien abductions are real.

Well, I've found that the folks around the forums cycle with their love of sexually explicit material...I suppose it is followed by a great deal of self imposed flogging and church going, family picnics and giving their mother in laws pedicures.

Yes, I've meant the aliens also; but I date Mr World, have four months of blissful activity and momentous nights...they turn into aliens about the time we get a joint checking account!:mad:

jocky

12-03-2009, 08:03 PM

I'll live, just as long as I can score some 'E' (existentialism) or some Dante's Divine Comedy...I'm really hurting for some tricento Italian literature...

[/QUOTE]

:)
Stick with Dante a great trecento poet. If you can find a great tricento Italian writer, your journey to the inferno may be sooner than you think. Really!

They're everywhere!

It's aliens, I tell ya!

Did I ever tell you about the the time I was alienly abducted? O.K. guys I obvously did but that experience left its mark on me. Me and Arthur.C. Clarke had long discussions about this, I was under hypnosis, obviously, but I do remember flashbacks such as, the second wave and watch the skies, watch the skies. I swear I will never go to bed with Miss World again. :cold:

MGK

12-03-2009, 11:01 PM

I demand an explanation for the unforgiveable lack of german beer in this thread! We invented the juice so you might as well pay homage to the pros.

Red-Headed

12-04-2009, 12:33 AM

:)
Stick with Dante a great trecento poet. If you can find a great tricento Italian writer, your journey to the inferno may be sooner than you think. Really!

Damn, I'm so strung out I can't even spell trecento! :eek2:

I blame the Deuchars IPA.

jocky

12-04-2009, 09:56 AM

I demand an explanation for the unforgiveable lack of german beer in this thread! We invented the juice so you might as well pay homage to the pros.

Wunderbar. :)

http://thm-a02.yimg.com/image/4ebb8f49bfd09320

gbrekken

12-04-2009, 12:29 PM

Hold the presses!

new information has come to my attention

Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale 330 calories 9.6% alcohol and only 32 grams of carbs.

Who needs food? German beer? why not name a few of your favorites MGK?

local ad for fine chocolate notes that a women might not want a man after enough of that (not desiring a freak of nature).

the tunnel between area 51 and the nevada nuclear test site recently discovered (that explains miss world becoming the coyote ugly one you wake up with: makes you chew your arm off at the elbow and leave the forearm under her head right where it was when you awoke, and fearing IT might re-awake)

Minnesota Viking adrian peterson thankful that tiger took all the media focus away from him

glad I quit international travel before they started requiring passports.

The Atheist

12-04-2009, 03:36 PM

Did I ever tell you about the the time I was alienly abducted? O.K. guys I obvously did but that experience left its mark on me. Me and Arthur.C. Clarke had long discussions about this, I was under hypnosis, obviously, but I do remember flashbacks such as, the second wave and watch the skies, watch the skies. I swear I will never go to bed with Miss World again. :cold:

Worse than a beaujolias hangover.

I demand an explanation for the unforgiveable lack of german beer in this thread! We invented the juice so you might as well pay homage to the pros.

More to do witht he unforgiveable lack of Germans in the thread!

The invention of beer is a funny one, with the earliest record being in Iran, where they don't like it all nowadays.

Jocky, I suggest you cover your eyes at this time:

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/i112.jpg

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/i113.jpg

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/i114.jpg

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/i115.jpg

Hold the presses!

new information has come to my attention

Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale 330 calories 9.6% alcohol and only 32 grams of carbs.

Who needs food? German beer? why not name a few of your favorites MGK?

local ad for fine chocolate notes that a women might not want a man after enough of that (not desiring a freak of nature).

the tunnel between area 51 and the nevada nuclear test site recently discovered (that explains miss world becoming the coyote ugly one you wake up with: makes you chew your arm off at the elbow and leave the forearm under her head right where it was when you awoke, and fearing IT might re-awake)

Minnesota Viking adrian peterson thankful that tiger took all the media focus away from him

glad I quit international travel before they started requiring passports.

:lol:

Sometimes, the world is less strange than we expect.

jocky

12-04-2009, 04:28 PM

Jocky, I suggest you cover your eyes at this time:

:rage: Atheist you will be glad to hear the perpetrators of this unspeakable act of wanton destruction were executed by me personally, several times over. My orders were perfectly clear burn the books, not the booze. :bawling::bawling::bawling:

papayahed

12-04-2009, 05:36 PM

:eek::eek2: The inhumanity of it all.:bawling:

Reminds me of my youth.

jocky

12-04-2009, 05:50 PM

:eek::eek2: The inhumanity of it all.:bawling:

Reminds me of my youth.

Did you cry a lot babe? You are not another one of those moderator thingies are you? Jocky is going to have something to say about this in the near future. :)

papayahed

12-04-2009, 06:21 PM

Did you cry a lot babe?

Here's a question: In a professional setting why in green hell would a man refer to his female coworker as "babe" and think that was ok?

You are not another one of those moderator thingies are you? Jocky is going to have something to say about this in the near future. :yawnb:

First "Babe" now "Thingie"?? I think you are treading on thin ice there mister -I might make you call me "Your Highness"

:goof:

Mods are everywhere....

Watching........

You

jocky

12-04-2009, 06:38 PM

Here's a question: In a professional setting why in green hell would a man refer to his female coworker as "babe" and think that was ok?

First "Babe" now "Thingie"?? I think you are treading on thin ice there mister -I might make you call me "Your Highness"

:goof:

Mods are everywhere....

Watching........

You

Och, relax and have a beer, you have got bigger fish to fry than me. :)

jocky

12-04-2009, 07:21 PM

Important notification

My fellow threadists, Jocky has just appointed himself as C.H.M. or chief high moderator. The new rules are as follows: Anyone not posting about sex, sport, booze, manly pursuits, oh and the odd literary reference is herebye banned from the Blokes Thread. My first official duty was a formal approach to Sheherazade, informing her politely, but firmly that future interference will not be brooked. I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.

papayahed

12-04-2009, 07:28 PM

jocky

12-04-2009, 07:32 PM

papayahed

12-04-2009, 07:36 PM

"Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."

http://www.democraticwings.com/images/blog/bettedavis_allabouteve.jpg

jocky

12-04-2009, 07:49 PM

"Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."

"Oh Papayahead, don't lets ask for the moon we have the stars." :D

prendrelemick

12-05-2009, 10:08 AM

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-05-2009, 12:34 PM

jocky

12-05-2009, 08:03 PM

I reckon all that alien probing :eek2: has affected old Jocky, it's awoken his latent Scottish megalomania .

:lol: How dare you call me latent? You can't talk to the chief high moderator in that tone. Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.

The Lone Star state is behind you Jocky!

:lol: Your name is not on the list.

soundofmusic

12-05-2009, 11:01 PM

First I have to see the wanton destruction of booze, then Jocky reminds me of the dark day when I bludgeoned the coworker and now he's appointed himself CHM.:cold:

Is it getting dark in here?

Why is the room spinning?

Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

prendrelemick

12-06-2009, 06:36 AM

:lol: How dare you call me latent? You can't talk to the chief high moderator in that tone. Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.

I apologise unreservedly, O chief High Moderator, I should have put rampant instead.

By the way, is it your Christmas card list I'm on.

Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

Careful Sounds, Wearing leather in a room full of Texans, could be risky. You may end up lassooed and branded.

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-06-2009, 10:06 AM

Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.

... Your name is not on the list.

Careful Jocky, you best get my name on that thar list; we Texans have been known to secede. You don't want tose the Texas contingient.

By the way, you better check your list and see if Tareq and Michaela Salahi on on it. They might try to crash the party.

Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

You'll also want to pick up about ten gallons of hairspray and curlers the size of an oil drum!

Careful Sounds, Wearing leather in a room full of Texans, could be risky. You may end up lassooed and branded.

The irons are in the fire as we speak!

gbrekken

12-06-2009, 10:55 AM

:)
Our Jocky, who art in High Lands, "Hallo!-ed" be thy name.
Thy serfs are here.
Thy will be large, e'en not upon a horse.
Protect our mead, thus we are content.
We've no faults, so forgiveness can only be for themselves.
Please, please, please, tempt me, tempt me, tempt me, lord,
for I too wish to fall from my horse.

Amen

papayahed

12-06-2009, 12:18 PM

Awards ceremony? Hold the phone here people, I think your getting a little ahead of yourselves!!! Just because Jockey made a declaration doesn't mean it is so. It's like the peanut gallery saying they are taking over the Howdy Doody show. Jockey can make the declaration and strut around in his velvet cape and tights but really the producers are still at the helm.

Now, let's talk about prettying up this place. I've been spending more time here recently and think it's time to freshen up a bit.

gbrekken

12-06-2009, 12:47 PM

Go ahead and freshen up Papayahed. Anyone who under-rates introspection won't find anything after they clean up! OOOOhh-that was too harsh I know-my self-inflicted flagellation with wet noodles commences now. Too bad your presence here has made you feel the need to clean up. Men enjoy a little clean dirt?

jocky

12-06-2009, 02:27 PM

Another important notification

Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation. This is due to intolerable pressure from fellow moderators ( who shall remain nameless ) who were clearly jealous and couldn't handle firm male management. Oh well its back to flower arranging and knitting for us. I recommend Prendrelemick for the vacant position. Thank you all for your backing during my lengthy spell at the helm. :thumbs_up

By the way, you better check your list and see if Tareq and Michaela Salahi on on it. They might try to crash the party.

I am not so sure about Tareq but that Michaela could gate crash my party anytime. :)

:)
Our Jocky, who art in High Lands, "Hallo!-ed" be thy name.
Thy serfs are here.
Thy will be large, e'en not upon a horse.
Protect our mead, thus we are content.
We've no faults, so forgiveness can only be for themselves.
Please, please, please, tempt me, tempt me, tempt me, lord,
for I too wish to fall from my horse.

Amen

:lol: In the great pantheon of poetry that one is right up there with the best.

Now, let's talk about prettying up this place. I've been spending more time here recently and think it's time to freshen up a bit.

" Get thee to a nunnery........We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery " :)

prendrelemick

12-06-2009, 06:08 PM

I am far too moderate to be a moderator, and too idle.
Not all those, laid in bed majestical, Can sleep so soundly as the wretched slave,

jocky

12-06-2009, 06:36 PM

I am far too moderate to be a moderator, and too idle.
Not all those, laid in bed majestical, Can sleep so soundly as the wretched slave,

Aah, a little touch of Harry in the night. A great English victory aided by a Scot's captain. :)

papayahed

12-06-2009, 07:40 PM

Go ahead and freshen up Papayahed. Anyone who under-rates introspection won't find anything after they clean up!

Dear God who said anything about cleaning up??? I don't clean. A fresh coat of paint and some track lighting would do this place a world of good. And lets get rid of these overstuffed leather recliners and get a settee in here.

Another important notification

Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation. This is due to intolerable pressure from fellow moderators ( who shall remain nameless ) who were clearly jealous and couldn't handle firm male management.

I never could hide my feeling from you.:redface:

jocky

12-06-2009, 08:32 PM

Where are you Atheist, I have been keeping the thread warm for you? I know it looks bad and we are near the point of closure, but dont blame old Jocky, blame Prendrelemick, blame Gbrekken, blame Gilliatt but never blame Jocky. :)

Dear God who said anything about cleaning up??? I don't clean. A fresh coat of paint and some track lighting would do this place a world of good. And lets get rid of these overstuffed leather recliners and get a settee in here.

:lol: Excuse me, we like it just the way it is. Beer and dust is fine with us and we dont need no settee? Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.

papayahed

12-06-2009, 09:21 PM

:lol: Excuse me, we like it just the way it is. Beer and dust is fine with us and we dont need no settee? Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.

I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.:D:nod:

jocky

12-06-2009, 09:35 PM

I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.:D:nod:

You don't mean you know Atheist cardinally do you? If I had known that I would have never resigned as chief high moderator. I have been completely outwittered and taken for a moog. I have a good mind to go back to Youtube, life was so much simpler. :confused:

prendrelemick

12-07-2009, 03:58 AM

I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.:D:nod:

A settee! It may start with a settee, but it'll be bean bags, and antimacassers on the wingbacks before you know it.

Then what? a love seat in the long room! Hurmph!

The Comedian

12-07-2009, 10:25 AM

What's this? I visit this thread after a short absence, and it's filled with talk of settees? Not that I know what a settee is, mind you all -- (it's probably French for "old stump" or some such thing), but what has this thread come to?

Let me light a campfire for the men here to gather round:

http://www.pack108fishers.org/Portals/0/Cub%20Scout/campfire.jpg

Offer some bacon to those men here who would have some:

http://www.businessweek.com/autos/autobeat/archives/bacon-2.jpg

And, ladies, if you're still here, could you fetch us some sandwiches before you go? That would be lovely.

The Atheist

12-08-2009, 04:21 AM

Here's a question: In a professional setting why in green hell would a man refer to his female coworker as "babe" and think that was ok?

Because he's an idiot or a sexist.

Can't think of too many other options.

Leaning towards congenital idiot, because he's making himself loom like a dick in front of other males (and females), some of whom are presumably superior to the bloke in question.

I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.

Parker mentioned this in passing on the telephone when I rang and asked him to put the Montrachet on ice and open the cigars to let them breathe for a while for my return this evening.

I see you got his message as below!

:lol:

Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed:banana::banana:

Oh my word!

I've been staying in the "adult district: in Wellington. I think I saw a little number in black that's just right for you!

I'll get one ordered,

Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation.

Precisely!

:D

" Get thee to a nunnery........We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery " :)

Damned if there weren't two nuns in the airport today.

Haven't seen a nun in full habit for years.

Eating hot chips they were! And laughing! What happened to the days when a nun having fun was a delight to Satan and good for a a severe whipping?

God, the Catholic church is getting soft these days. Next, they'll refuse to have a Nazi pope.

Where are you Atheist, I have been keeping the thread warm for you?

..

Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.

A lightning trip to Wellington, mate!

You probably don't know Wellington, but it's aptly named. You need nuts the size of the Duke's to live there. It's built on an earthquake fault which makes the San Andreas look like a scratch, and it's right next to a gap in a 3000 km long mointain range, so you could say it's a bit windy. In the same way you might say the universe is quite big.

Luckily, I managed to escape with both my virtue and DNA intact.

JuniperWoolf

12-08-2009, 04:27 AM

Because he's an idiot or a sexist.

Can't think of too many other options.

Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.

prendrelemick

12-08-2009, 04:45 AM

Because he's an idiot or a sexist.

Can't think of too many other options.

Scottish ?

The Atheist

12-08-2009, 12:07 PM

Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.

Still goes in the stupid category.

The specific mention was in a professional capacity.

In that case, the mock-sexist just isn't going to work. Maybe in 1950, but not now.

Scottish ?

No way.

How could you have missed that one?

It was in a professional situation.

;)

Scheherazade

12-08-2009, 12:31 PM

Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.One needs to be really close and friendly to be able to pull off a joke like that.

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

prendrelemick

12-08-2009, 01:16 PM

There are some occasions when it may be ok.

1/ The lady in question is called Babette or Babe for short.

2/She has just called her male co-worker Honey, and he responds in kind.

3/ They are an item, and he has permission.

4/ He was talking to a small pig that rounds up sheep.

soundofmusic

12-08-2009, 05:00 PM

Thank you, Atheist, I can't wait to slip on my new leather threads:banana:
I guess, if Jockys party is off; I'll just have to wear it to the church Christmas party:lol: You know, I really liked old John Paul II, I was about to convert to Catholicism:rolleyes:

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;813713]Scottish ?

I don't think there is a little box we can put Jocky in; he's an original. So we have to judge all of his actions on their own merit. Isn't that right, Babe?:lol:

You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...:cool:

Are you both really moderators:confused:

JuniperWoolf

12-08-2009, 09:24 PM

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

I'd try joking (I usually do). Say something like "I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.

papayahed

12-08-2009, 09:35 PM

Now lets be clear. We are not talking about Jockey using the term Babe, we are talking about my coworker saying that in a professional setting.

papayahed

12-08-2009, 09:44 PM

You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...:cool:

I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.

Are you both really moderators:confused:

yes, why? :cool:

soundofmusic

12-09-2009, 03:01 AM

I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.

yes, why? :cool:

Okay, so here I am, sitting around in my cute leather outfit, I have sand in places that I really find objectionable (because I made a lightening stop at the nude beach to admire the moons); I have just drank my fifth bombay and soda which loosens my tongue...and I find out I am on "the thread" with all moderators:eek: I'll just sneak into the kitchen and fry some bacon:redface:

prendrelemick

12-09-2009, 04:34 AM

I'd try joking (I usually do). Say something like "I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.

Now lets be clear. We are not talking about Jockey using the term Babe, we are talking about my coworker saying that in a professional setting.

I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.

yes, why? :cool:

Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.

As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column,:rolleyes: I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.

yours in hope . Prendrelemick

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-09-2009, 08:11 AM

What's this? I visit this thread after a short absence, and it's filled with talk of settees? ...
...And, ladies, if you're still here, could you fetch us some sandwiches before you go? That would be lovely.

Nothing like the sizzle of fat back and a cozy fire! But we must be cautious Comedian if you fry it up before sunrise. The glowing eyes you see around the perimeter of camp are not necessarily the customary opossums, kiwis, and raccoons. Magnus Pedi is quite fond of bacon given the fact that feral hogs are considered a delicacy.

Settees in the camp? Have we not been served sufficiently well over these many weeks by our finely honed slabs of slate? Prendrelemick put a lot of elbow grease into those pieces. What concerns me more is the missing three handled moss covered family gredunza. What method can we employ to find it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBokGmwXWfs

...You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...

..."I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.

As for the “little mares” that continue to saunter into our camp, I’ve constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. We’ll keep em in there for the time being.

Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.
As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column... The other day my wife threw out my sandwich... What punishment would you deem appropriate...

Place her in the paddock with the others.

Gilliatt

The Atheist

12-09-2009, 01:34 PM

You know, I really liked old John Paul II, I was about to convert to Catholicism

It's that incense and loose dresses, I'm sure of it.

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

Have you tried the direct approach?

Go up to him/her and say, "That really gives me the *****"?

Failing that, a punch in the face usually works!

:D

I'll just sneak into the kitchen and fry some bacon:redface:

Throw me in a couple of eggs, woman.

Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.

As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column,:rolleyes: I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.

yours in hope . Prendrelemick

I'll leave that one to jocky.

I'm stumped.

Magnus Pedi is quite fond of bacon given the fact that feral hogs are considered a delicacy.

That's a meat I haven't had in years, but I'll swear to it being the tastiest, juciest, best meat ever.

I don't like factory pork, but give me an honest-to-god wild porker and I'm a happy man. Free range pig doesn't even come close to a wild one.

Settees in the camp?

They burn well in a crisis.

soundofmusic

12-09-2009, 06:28 PM

One needs to be really close and friendly to be able to pull off a joke like that.

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

:idea: There's nothing better to get a man off your case than to come up behind him in an empty hall and with great familiarity, grab his butt cheeks...you will be "mam'd" the rest of your life:wave:

Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.

As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column,:rolleyes: I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.

yours in hope . Prendrelemick

1. How old was your sandwich?
2. Did she ever respect you...and, do you care; I always find that when people start respecting me, the romance is slipping out the window!

As for the “little mares” that continue to saunter into our camp, I’ve constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. We’ll keep em in there for the time being.

Place her in the paddock with the others.

Gilliatt

I was going to ask for my paddock to have an alcove and pink drapes; but now that I find that the admirable jocky is also a moderator...No wonder he does all those 360's.
What man can tolerate the call of the wild and the call of the banshees...
I will snarf down my sandwich and be off...

Throw me in a couple of eggs, woman.

I'd love to, but I have a date with pleasure. One of those moons at the nude beach turned out to be a straight arrow and we're going to South Beach to watch the stars:ladysman:

papayahed

12-10-2009, 08:56 AM

As for the “little mares” that continue to saunter into our camp, I’ve constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. We’ll keep em in there for the time being.

:lol: a paddock? It'll be interesting to see you try and round up the "little mares". Where's my popcorn?

:idea: There's nothing better to get a man off your case than to come up behind him in an empty hall and with great familiarity, grab his butt cheeks...you will be "mam'd" the rest of your life:wave:

oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me.

but now that I find that the admirable jocky is also a moderator...

Scher - Moderator
Papaya - Moderator
Jocky - Not

soundofmusic

12-10-2009, 10:50 AM

:lol: a paddock? It'll be interesting to see you try and round up the "little mares". Where's my popcorn?

oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me.

Scher - Moderator
Papaya - Moderator
Jocky - Not

Yes, all of this sexual harassment stuff both gives and eliminates our rights: anyway, back when I was much cuter and much, much smaller; I had a good amount of annoying work admirers...I finally grabbed ones backside in the hall one day...From then on it was "Yes ma'am"

:blush: Oh, gosh I'm dense, that was what I meant by "are you both moderators"; I thought Jocky was up there too...:crash:

The Atheist

12-10-2009, 02:09 PM

oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me.

Yes, all of this sexual harassment stuff both gives and eliminates our rights: ...

Good god. If I were 25 nowadays, I'd be in jail.

I have great difficulty with this whole thing. When I was in my 20s I had affairs with several women I worked with. They all sprang out of mutual attraction and sexual innuendo.

Yet, I could confidently predict that no woman I've ever worked with would ever consider anything I did to be unseemly or improper. I was able to be sweet to prudes without ever them ever raising an eyebrow in my presence, although I must say that given enough time and effort, even the old maiden aunts at work will respond to the tiniest bit of sexual innuendo.

Nowadays, they'd bring back stocks to deal with me.

And why did things change?

Because we (men) mistakenly allowed you to believe you were our equals!.

Idiots.

In days when sexual discrimination at work existed, there was no "power" over women, because if the boss started getting amorous, she'd just leave and go work at the next supermarket. But give them "equality" and one wants to be promoted faster than another so she has an affair with the boss, while another boss uses the carrot of a better job to coerce a subordinate into sexual favours.

While I blame my forefathers for this appalling state of affairs [!], I have to concede that it is all women's own fault, because if you'd gladly stuck to the kitchen/library/school/nurse's uniform/supermarket checkout, none of this would have come to pass.

soundofmusic

12-10-2009, 04:03 PM

Good god. If I were 25 nowadays, I'd be in jail.

I have great difficulty with this whole thing. When I was in my 20s I had affairs with several women I worked with. They all sprang out of mutual attraction and sexual innuendo.

Yet, I could confidently predict that no woman I've ever worked with would ever consider anything I did to be unseemly or improper. I was able to be sweet to prudes without ever them ever raising an eyebrow in my presence, although I must say that given enough time and effort, even the old maiden aunts at work will respond to the tiniest bit of sexual innuendo.

Nowadays, they'd bring back stocks to deal with me.

And why did things change?

Because we (men) mistakenly allowed you to believe you were our equals!.

Idiots.

In days when sexual discrimination at work existed, there was no "power" over women, because if the boss started getting amorous, she'd just leave and go work at the next supermarket. But give them "equality" and one wants to be promoted faster than another so she has an affair with the boss, while another boss uses the carrot of a better job to coerce a subordinate into sexual favours.

While I blame my forefathers for this appalling state of affairs [!], I have to concede that it is all women's own fault, because if you'd gladly stuck to the kitchen/library/school/nurse's uniform/supermarket checkout, none of this would have come to pass.

:ladysman: Atheist, even now you are just too charming for most of us to say no to :brow: (That's why you were reincarnated in New Zealand:lol: to save the morality of "the little mares" :lol:)

I was always confused about the "sex for promotions thing"; it did seem to work for some women; others just had sex with the boss, sometimes had an affair with the assistant boss at some point and got transfered or fired. Now, I daresay, there are numerous young men who are doing the same with female bosses.
So enlighten me; why did this work for some women?:confused:

jocky

12-10-2009, 07:58 PM

Scottish ?

Atheist. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in the shape of a camel ?

Prend. By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.

Atheist. Methinks it is like a weasel.

Prend. It is backed like a weasel.

Atheist. Or like a whale ?

Prend. Very like a whale.

You would have made an excellent batman. :)

The Atheist

12-10-2009, 08:00 PM

So enlighten me; why did this work for some women?:confused:

Probably just as simple as being selective who you slept with.

jocky

12-10-2009, 08:11 PM

Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...:cool:

I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to your imaginary friend. :)

I'll leave that one to jocky.

I'm stumped.

Firing squad.

:lol:

Scher - Moderator
Papaya - Moderator
Jocky - Not

Geez, I never knew that, what with me being a professional too.

Scher- Dictator
Papaya- Taking out of context dictator.
Jocky-Absolute unreconstructed male pig. :)

prendrelemick

12-11-2009, 02:48 AM

Atheist. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in the shape of a camel ?

Prend. By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.

Atheist. Methinks it is like a weasel.

Prend. It is backed like a weasel.

Atheist. Or like a whale ?

Prend. Very like a whale.

You would have made an excellent batman. :)

We would and if we could.

jocky

12-11-2009, 09:30 PM

We would and if we could.

Now Mick, you know that I believe, like yourself, that Shakespeare is Shakespeare, or was Shakespeare. There is, however , a powerful theory argued by some, that he was James V1 of SCOTLAND. I am slowly coming round to this thesis. You know I am a fair minded individual, why I even gave your nation all the credit for haggis, but MacBard is not a possibility that can be ruled out. " Have you considered of my speeches "? :)

soundofmusic

12-11-2009, 11:29 PM

I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to your imaginary friend. :)

Nah, I never got on with imaginary friends...You must be talking about the leprechauns that followed me home from the old country and are still trying to find my pot of gold..........

So, who was Shakespeares Bumboy....:lol:

prendrelemick

12-12-2009, 05:06 AM

Now Mick, you know that I believe, like yourself, that Shakespeare is Shakespeare, or was Shakespeare. There is, however , a powerful theory argued by some, that he was James V1 of SCOTLAND. I am slowly coming round to this thesis. You know I am a fair minded individual, why I even gave your nation all the credit for haggis, but MacBard is not a possibility that can be ruled out. " Have you considered of my speeches "? :)

You fill your hearers with strange invention.

You're wrong there Jocky. Everybody knows he was a Yorkshireman, probably from Barnsley. Look at the Unabridged version of Hamlet-

"Neither a lender nor a borrower be - unless its t' thi sen."

Whereas James the FIRST was clearly a Pontefract lad.

As Xenocrates (Skipton, born and bred) said. I Have often regretted my speeches, never my silence.

jocky

12-12-2009, 10:22 PM

So, who was Shakespeares Bumboy....:lol:

That is a question that literary historians have been wrestling with for years, the latest thinking is that the dark lady has been mistranslated and should have read as the dark laddie. Personally speaking, I can safely say that I have not lost a minutes sleep over this burning issue. Keep away from leprechauns and their pots of gold, that way lies madness. :)

You fill your hearers with strange invention.

You're wrong there Jocky. Everybody knows he was a Yorkshireman, probably from Barnsley. Look at the Unabridged version of Hamlet-

"Neither a lender nor a borrower be - unless its t' thi sen."

Whereas James the FIRST was clearly a Pontefract lad.

As Xenocrates (Skipton, born and bred) said. I Have often regretted my speeches, never my silence.

Mmm Barnsley, is that where the pigeons fly backwards to avoid getting soot in their eyes ? Neither a lender...... A sound phlisophy, are you sure you have not got Scottish blood in your veins ? James may have been your first but he was our sixth. As to Xenocrates of Skipton, I have read my Thucydides and he is strangely quiet on the matter. :)

A short note on the wonderful Diarist Samuel Pepys. Libertarian, libertine more like it " Tocanda sa cosa con mi cosa " You can look that one up for yourselves. Gourmet, no gourmand more fitting. Wife, servant and child beater, still he knew how to turn a phrase. Diary... 12th December 2009; Well at least Jocky, you never tried it on with a servant in church. Good old Sam, an icon who makes Tiger look like a choirboy. :)

The Atheist

12-13-2009, 02:49 PM

That is a question that literary historians have been wrestling with for years, the latest thinking is that the dark lady has been mistranslated and should have read as the dark laddie.

That fits well with the theory that it was really Andy Hathaway and the children were adopted.

I wouldn't trust anyone mixing up a hawk and a handsaw.

A short note on the wonderful Diarist Samuel Pepys. Libertarian, libertine more like it " Tocanda sa cosa con mi cosa " You can look that one up for yourselves. Gourmet, no gourmand more fitting. Wife, servant and child beater, still he knew how to turn a phrase. Diary... 12th December 2009; Well at least Jocky, you never tried it on with a servant in church. Good old Sam, an icon who makes Tiger look like a choirboy. :)

Didn't he write for The Clash?

gbrekken

12-14-2009, 08:49 PM

soundofmusic

12-14-2009, 09:11 PM

That fits well with the theory that it was really Andy Hathaway and the children were adopted.

I recently read that Anne was already pregnant when she married Shakespeare; perhaps she was a "merry wife" and went frolicking on Wm. long absences. Anyway, I believe it is customary for every homosexual writer to have at least two children, right?

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

Be careful, Gerald, some of the blokes are sensitive about their bananas, cherries and nuts :lol:

The Atheist

12-14-2009, 09:17 PM

jocky

12-14-2009, 10:23 PM

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

The bad mooderators might have something to say about that one. :) Gbrekken, there are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't. :)

I recently read that Anne was already pregnant when she married Shakespeare; perhaps she was a "merry wife" and went frolicking on Wm. long absences. Anyway, I believe it is customary for every homosexual writer to have at least two children, right?

Wrong, Oscar's next door neighbour had two, I have four but it was all done for Queens and country and if you dont believe me just ask Atheist, who comes from the land down under, well at least next door, and he is still part of the Empire, who are under our Queen. As for your terrible charge against Prendrelemick, mooo, baaa, he is not gay he is English. :)

When I was a young man my dad bought me a leather coat with waterproof pockets. I said father, thank you, but why the waterproof pockets ? He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and a strange grin and said, you never know when you might have to steal soup ! :)

soundofmusic

12-15-2009, 01:30 AM

Wrong, Oscar's next door neighbour had two, I have four but it was all done for Queens and country and if you dont believe me just ask Atheist, who comes from the land down under, well at least next door, and he is still part of the Empire, who are under our Queen. As for your terrible charge against Prendrelemick, mooo, baaa, he is not gay he is English. :)

Are you saying that Mrs. Wilde...It can't be...I loved her! Truly, what possible similarities can there be between Oscar and the fellows on this forum: other than wit, broad shoulders and an appreciation for the arts, fine food and drink and intellectual women?

I never said anything about Prendrelemick; you're in fine form tonight. I love the story below...I'm taking it literally.

When I was a young man my dad bought me a leather coat with waterproof pockets. I said father, thank you, but why the waterproof pockets ? He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and a strange grin and said, you never know when you might have to steal soup ! :)

prendrelemick

12-15-2009, 03:29 PM

There is a country quite near here where men wear skirts and many a Glen is to be found beneath a Ben, where tossing the caber is a national pass time and the men "kiss" each other, especially on saturday nights.- but they seem to breed ok.

The Comedian

12-15-2009, 03:36 PM

Gents,

I'm of the mind for a fine bottle of Scotch. What would you recommend I purchase were I to stop by my local vendor and pick up a bottle?

The Atheist

12-15-2009, 04:09 PM

Gents,

I'm of the mind for a fine bottle of Scotch. What would you recommend I purchase were I to stop by my local vendor and pick up a bottle?

Glenlivet.

No ice.

Make mine a double; I've just spent the morning preparing "shared lunches" for the last day of school.

Chicken or ham tortillas with salad or savoury scones - take your pick.

soundofmusic

12-16-2009, 02:04 AM

Glenlivet.

No ice.

Make mine a double; I've just spent the morning preparing "shared lunches" for the last day of school.

Chicken or ham tortillas with salad or savoury scones - take your pick.

Good fixins, I'm going to school with the kids:idea:

gbrekken

12-16-2009, 10:48 AM

Ditto on the Glenlivet

The Comedian

12-16-2009, 11:33 AM

I was thinking of Balvenie Doublewood. Have any of you tried this variety?

Here's what it looks like:

http://www.juddspicer.com/resources/balvenie_doublewood.jpg

The Atheist

12-16-2009, 12:15 PM

Established 18 ninety bloody two!

Damned Johnny-come-latelies.

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-16-2009, 11:29 PM

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

gbrekken,
That is funny! I would like to use that if you don't mind.

I was thinking of Balvenie Doublewood. Have any of you tried this variety?

Here's what it looks like:

http://www.juddspicer.com/resources/balvenie_doublewood.jpg

Whew...I'm back gentlemen!
That was a long and arduous hunt! It is nice to see we are back to discssing the nectar of the gods. Of course, you know my preference; "gobble - juice" anytime! I must admit that "Balvenie" looks good.

Have any of you boys had a dram of Drambuie?
When I was a much younger lad, I recall my grandmother keeping a bottle of this stuff next to her bed and a case in the kitchen. She would mix a dram in her oatmeal.
What are your thoughts on Drambuie?

Gilliatt

gbrekken

12-18-2009, 08:29 AM

a buddy of mine once lost his moustache under a flaming Drambuie.

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-18-2009, 06:34 PM

a buddy of mine once lost his moustache under a flaming Drambuie.

Ah hah...that expalins my Grandmothers collection of Avant-garde wigs.

The Atheist

12-19-2009, 12:58 AM

What are your thoughts on Drambuie?

Gilliatt

Good in beer.

soundofmusic

12-20-2009, 12:32 AM

I'd be suspicious of anything with the description of "flaming" in it:lol:

Half of the men I've fallen in love with were described that way; it always endend badly:bawling:

prendrelemick

12-20-2009, 03:44 AM

Ah hah...that expalins my Grandmothers collection of Avant-garde wigs.

:lol: The dangers of Porridge a-la-Flambe´.

The Atheist

12-20-2009, 04:02 PM

I'd be suspicious of anything with the description of "flaming" in it:lol:

Half of the men I've fallen in love with were described that way; it always endend badly:bawling:

Faming idiots?

:D

prendrelemick

12-21-2009, 04:29 AM

Mad Friday! The last Friday before Christmas, when all the local workers have their Christmas "do". All the pubs and restaurants of our little town are full of chrismas parties. The celebrants spill over onto the street and mingle with the local youth. A general pub crawl ensues. There is fighting, dancing, singing, fancy dress, snogging, throwing up and passing out. The girls from the Co-op hurl insults at the hairdressers from the high street, egged on by the lads from the tyre fitters. In recent years the Police have taken notice and increased their presence to three officers, they stroll along the street chatting up tinsel trimmed girls and warning teenage lads to "just cool it". At around midnight we older celebrants head for our warm beds, the younger end order taxis and head off to the fleshpots of Halifax.
Next week the banner headlines of the local paper will shout the extent of the debauchery,- a broken window, a man taken into custody, an abulance called to the scene, graffiti on the bus shelter.
Mad Friday. It seems to have started casually, but is now a tradition. Does it happen everywhere?

soundofmusic

12-21-2009, 04:24 PM

Faming idiots?

:D

:idea: I'm not sure of exactly what they are; they start out as the Bosey Douglas, Leslie Howard, Laurence Olivier, Jude Law sort...Then everything goes wrong :(

Mad Friday! The last Friday before Christmas, when all the local workers have their Christmas "do". All the pubs and restaurants of our little town are full of chrismas parties. The celebrants spill over onto the street and mingle with the local youth. A general pub crawl ensues. There is fighting, dancing, singing, fancy dress, snogging, throwing up and passing out. The girls from the Co-op hurl insults at the hairdressers from the high street, egged on by the lads from the tyre fitters. In recent years the Police have taken notice and increased their presence to three officers, they stroll along the street chatting up tinsel trimmed girls and warning teenage lads to "just cool it". At around midnight we older celebrants head for our warm beds, the younger end order taxis and head off to the fleshpots of Halifax.
Next week the banner headlines of the local paper will shout the extent of the debauchery,- a broken window, a man taken into custody, an abulance called to the scene, graffiti on the bus shelter.
Mad Friday. It seems to have started casually, but is now a tradition. Does it happen everywhere?

What is a Halifax fleshpot? I think in America we are not "joiners"; so our partying and snogging is rather separatist clique sort of set ups. The folks who are full of christmas spirit , own guns, and have just bought alot of Christmas cheer on credit; usually shoot a cousin or brother...they aim for the leg and hit the head. Ergo: Bob becomes "dumb Bubba":lol:

Paulclem

12-21-2009, 06:41 PM

prendrelemick

12-21-2009, 07:03 PM

:idea:

What is a Halifax fleshpot?

Halifax: The town of a thousand trades................including the oldest one.

Halifax - I only ever played rugby (league) there. It sounds as though we missed a treat. Did you ever get over to Wakey?

I've been to Belle Vue a time or two when we were in your league.

Paulclem

12-21-2009, 07:20 PM

I used to play for the colts - 1981 - years ago. I played at Belle Vue a few times, and from my house I could see half the pitch from the bathroom.

I never realised that Halifax was such a swinging town, but then I thought all Friday nights were Mad.

prendrelemick

12-21-2009, 08:05 PM

Mad Friday happens in a certain small market town 8 miles from Halifax.

Didn't Wakey have a famous pub crawl all along the same street ? about 20 pubs all on one street.

Paulclem

12-21-2009, 11:19 PM

Mad Friday happens in a certain small market town 8 miles from Halifax.

Didn't Wakey have a famous pub crawl all along the same street ? about 20 pubs all on one street.

Which market town was that?

Yes- the Westgate run. Good fun, which got better the nearer you got to town.

The Whinney Moor
The Union
The Redoubt
The Waterloo
The Beer Engine
The Waggon and horses
The White Horse
The Globe
The Swan with 2 Necks
The Black Horse
The Roundabout
The Elephant and Castle
The Black Swan
The Strafford Arms

Are some of them. I think some have changed, and I've missed some out. It's been a lng time, and the memory fails, especially towards the end...
You then had the city centre pubs to go to-and the nightclubs...

:idea: I'm not sure of exactly what they are; they start out as the Bosey Douglas, Leslie Howard, Laurence Olivier, Jude Law sort...Then everything goes wrong :(

What is a Halifax fleshpot? I think in America we are not "joiners"; so our partying and snogging is rather separatist clique sort of set ups. The folks who are full of christmas spirit , own guns, and have just bought alot of Christmas cheer on credit; usually shoot a cousin or brother...they aim for the leg and hit the head. Ergo: Bob becomes "dumb Bubba":lol:

Hi The Atheist.
Your post reminded me of some aspects of Yorkshire and Lancashire in the North of England that made me laugh.

I've no idea why, but there has been a strong cowboy tradition in this part of England. It must stem from the cowboy movies, but seemed terribly out of date when I lived there in the 80's. My wife once went to a Quick Draw night at a Working Men's Club she used to live near, where the entrants, (mainly local miners who'd never been on a horse) dressed up as cowboys and had a Quick Draw competition!

I've also been to Country and western nights, which were very popular in the North at the local pub with my Dad - who wore his cowboy hat - where we listened to a Don Williams tribute band. Perhaps it was some perceived affinity with the American Outlaw tradition. I know my Dad was a bit of an outlaw in the urban sense.

Just to validate my point, I have posted a link to The Rochdale cowboy, which was originally done by Mike Harding. Rochdale is in Lancashire.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6S7agOnOTE

The Atheist

12-22-2009, 04:13 AM

Mad Friday. It seems to have started casually, but is now a tradition. Does it happen everywhere?

Yep. It lasts a fortnight here - they'll stop drinking about 5 January.

Just to validate my point, I have posted a link to The Rochdale cowboy, which was originally done by Mike Harding. Rochdale is in Lancashire.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6S7agOnOTE

Brilliant!

I must let my beard grow like that in a few years.

prendrelemick

12-22-2009, 06:19 AM

gbrekken

12-22-2009, 10:18 AM

Next thing you know, Will Rogers will show up with three roping ropes and use them all at once, while Tonto watches. Wish I could be as pointedly humorous as some dead men we've heard of. Enjoy the day, days, daze, dais, ...........:)

Paulclem

12-22-2009, 07:48 PM

Mike Harding would remember Billy Holt , a local character who rode around these hills during the 60s and 70s on a horse called Trigger. He was known locally as The Rochdale Cowboy. (Although he was from Todmorden.) I reckon that's where it all started

There's nothing like the North. Phoenix Nights nailed the club scene. The last time I was in a club -it was the Moor Top Club somewhere near Pontefract - I never usually went in for them at all - it was a local band doing David Bowie covers followed by Bingo! Wierd.

Next thing you know, Will Rogers will show up with three roping ropes and use them all at once, while Tonto watches. Wish I could be as pointedly humorous as some dead men we've heard of. Enjoy the day, days, daze, dais, ...........:)

Were else could we link up with Nevada and discuss one of your cultural icons and a bloke from Todmorden called the Rochdale Cowboy. Superb.

jocky

12-22-2009, 09:15 PM

I was thinking of Balvenie Doublewood. Have any of you tried this variety

Now you are talking turkey, that is the chosen beverage of the Scottish legal profession. My defence lawer told me that the prosecution team had went through an inordinate amount of the stuff when I was found guilty of a crime I did not commit. Of course, they were not amused to wake up only to find the charges were dropped on a technicality. Atheist was spot on, Glenlivet Prrrr. :)

Truly, what possible similarities can there be between Oscar and the fellows on this forum: other than wit, broad shoulders and an appreciation for the arts, fine food and drink and intellectual women?

Soundo, I never thought I would agree with you on anything but everything you said is true, apart from the intellectual women comment. Mind you, five out of six aint bad, for a woman. :lol:

soundofmusic

12-22-2009, 10:13 PM

Yep. It lasts a fortnight here - they'll stop drinking about 5 January.

Brilliant!

I must let my beard grow like that in a few years.

A two week party, I like it. Maybe I'll relocate to down under and a little to the side. I don't know, the American cowboy thing doesn't quite work in England, even with the hat and beard. They aren't...what...earthy enough?

Mike Harding would remember Billy Holt , a local character who rode around these hills during the 60s and 70s on a horse called Trigger. He was known locally as The Rochdale Cowboy. (Although he was from Todmorden.) I reckon that's where it all started

Wasn't that the Lone Ranger who had Trigger or was it Roy Rodgers?

Soundo, I never thought I would agree with you on anything but everything you said is true, apart from the intellectual women comment. Mind you, five out of six aint bad, for a woman. :lol:

Will wonders never cease:lol:

jocky

12-22-2009, 11:23 PM

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-22-2009, 11:54 PM

Next thing you know, Will Rogers will show up with three roping ropes and use them all at once, while Tonto watches.

...Wasn't that the Lone Ranger who had Trigger or was it Roy Rodgers?

I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up;
Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger who is no relation to the Lone Ranger who road a horse named Silver who is associated with
Tonto who road a horse named Scout, none of which are related to
Will Rodgers, the great humorist and a master at rope tricks.

...I had been thrown out again, I saw some strange orange lights in the sky...

Relax Jocky, the answer to your lights is right here deep in the heart of Texas ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfCJvh6kwcQ

jocky

12-23-2009, 12:24 AM

Relax Jocky, the answer to your lights is right here deep in the heart of Texas ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfCJvh6kwcQ

How can I relax Gilly ? I am scared and alone and there is no way you can argue with youtube. Them thar lights sure looked real to me Elmer and Jethro. Hey listen, the next time you do a bombing campaign any chance of dropping them on the bad guys? :)

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-23-2009, 01:09 AM

How can I relax Gilly ? I am scared and alone and there is no way you can argue with youtube. Them thar lights sure looked real to me Elmer and Jethro. Hey listen, the next time you do a bombing campaign any chance of dropping them on the bad guys?

Forgive me, I take my vernacular peculiarities for granted, forgetting that the world outside the Republic has likely not experienced the proliferation of UFO's, alien abductions, marauding Big Feet, Jackalopes, Elvis and Jim Morrison sightings, to the extent that we have. Take it from a bloke who has shared in many of these life experiences, that they will all come to pass.

Could be the Norton Bombsights - the military budget is quite lean these days.

prendrelemick

12-23-2009, 04:21 AM

I think its time.

LONE RANGER: "Well Tonto old friend, it looks bad, we have no food, no water, out of ammo, Silver and Scout both dead and we are surrounded by two thousand hostile Indians. I know it looks hopeless, but at least we'll be together at the end."

TONTO: "What do you mean "we" White-man!"

jocky

12-23-2009, 10:51 AM

The Atheist

12-23-2009, 02:15 PM

Were else could we link up with Nevada and discuss one of your cultural icons and a bloke from Todmorden called the Rochdale Cowboy. Superb.

Immediately followed by aliens!

:lol:

Now guys, you know I do ramble on a bit about extra terrestrial existence, but this is a tale that must be related. As I was watching the blizzard the other night, from the outside looking in, you guessed, I had been thrown out again, I saw some strange orange lights in the sky. I banged hard on the window mouthing aliens, let me in; and my wife and kids replied in unison, well we hope they freeze to death along with you mother something or other. I know what I saw :)

Haha!

What you saw was actually an electronic helicopter. The people watching you won't be so polite as to just use probes.

;)

soundofmusic

12-24-2009, 01:35 AM

Now guys, you know I do ramble on a bit about extra terrestrial existence, but this is a tale that must be related. As I was watching the blizzard the other night, from the outside looking in, you guessed, I had been thrown out again, I saw some strange orange lights in the sky. I banged hard on the window mouthing aliens, let me in; and my wife and kids replied in unison, well we hope they freeze to death along with you mother something or other. I know what I saw :)

I hear the aliens are trying to start a new race of Scottish aliens; be careful Jocky.

I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up;
Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger who is no relation to the Lone Ranger who road a horse named Silver who is associated with
Tonto who road a horse named Scout, none of which are related to
Will Rodgers, the great humorist and a master

Thank you for clearing that up; ah yes Roy and Dale and "Happy Trials and Yellow Rose...
Lone Ranger and the white horse and india
Will and the Big ears and sense of humor...

jocky

12-24-2009, 06:53 AM

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-24-2009, 08:47 AM

Great idea Jocky and thanks for the tickets. My Uncle will be competing.

And in return, I have a few gifts I would like to share as well, but first we must gather round and have a drink--- (See Soundofmusic come in at about 2:20) ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijnfdLFhn2o&feature=related

Jocky - A new kilt woven of Golden Fleece kindly donated from Magnus Pedi.
Atheist – A full head of hair and Kiwi pudding.
Prendrelemick – Keep an eye out for a delivery of premium Dumas Dung (extra dry).
Gbrekken – Two front teeth ---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_VhHqK6yoQ

Comedian – A bottle of my Grandmother’s Drambuie
Soundofmusic – An LP of the Trapp Family Singers and one of my Grandmother’s Avant- garde wigs.
Oh and Paulclem – I’ll treat you to cocktails at the end of your “Mad Friday” binge ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvt4b_qwC_Q&feature=related

Lastly, for all of us, a trip to Hawaii on me ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQOXrMA4K0E

Gilliatt

The Atheist

12-24-2009, 12:04 PM

And from the first corner of the world to awake with its presents, Merry Xmas!

The kids have only been up since 4 am - things are improving. 2007, 2 am; 2008, 3 am... we're going to use GMT next year and get some damned sleep!

Have a great day everyone!

soundofmusic

12-25-2009, 01:59 AM

The following Xmas presents are on there way: To Atheist a Penn Intl 50t 550 yards test reel, so there will be no excuses for that Mako getting away. To Prendrelemick a digitally remastered dvd of Scotland beating England 3-2 in 1967. To Gilliatt two tickets to the jackalope rodeo in Galveston. To Soundomusic a first edition of the Marquis De Sade's Justine, to put our little depravities in perspective. To Gbrekken a do it yourself earthquake shelter for the big one. To Comedian half a dozen eggs to go with the bacon. To Red Headed a bottle of hair dye. To the moderators merry Xmas. Have a good one from Jocky and family. :)

I'm touched, Jocky. It hadn't occured to me that when I am fatter and 61 years old; I still might find a young lover...I must read more of this...
If I'm not being too greedy; can I borrow your original copies of Vlad Tepes works and Utopia?:lol:

And from the first corner of the world to awake with its presents, Merry Xmas!

The kids have only been up since 4 am - things are improving. 2007, 2 am; 2008, 3 am... we're going to use GMT next year and get some damned sleep!

Have a great day everyone!

And to think I just finished my Christmas eve lobster...You're all invited for pot roast tomorrow...I've taken off for the first time in 5 years!

jocky

12-25-2009, 11:44 PM

prendrelemick

12-26-2009, 07:27 AM

Gilliatt and Jocky: Thankyou so much for those gifts.:thumbs_up

(have you got the receipts)

The Atheist

12-26-2009, 02:09 PM

...I've taken off for the first time in 5 years!

In a plane?

Your clothes?

All I had to do was carve the turkey, ...

:lol:

A Kiwi Christmas dinner.

Waiting until 6 or 7 to start the barbecue on a 28-degree day because it's just too hot to cook.

Fillet steak, marinated in a garlic & red wine, breast fillets of chicken coated with Alan's 11 secret herbs and spices & venison sausages.

I think someone made some salad to have with it.

Dessert: pavlova with fresh whipped cream.

Wine: Deutz champagne.

You can keep the snow!

soundofmusic

12-26-2009, 06:12 PM

All I had to do was carve the turkey, a simple task I hear you say, no this is Jocky we are talking about. I stood in front of the big table as master of the house looking down on all the happy faces and grated the carving knife and fork together. Unfortunately, as the fates would have it, I stood on one of the kids new roller boots and went six foot in the air landing on the middle of the table. Similtaneously, twelve plates of scotch broth went flying and the wife's beautifully crafted bowl of trifle went over her head. Anyone for stuffing ? :)

:bawling: That is the saddest story I've ever hear; the only thing that could make it worse is landing on the carving fork.

In a plane?

Your clothes?

:lol:

A Kiwi Christmas dinner.

Waiting until 6 or 7 to start the barbecue on a 28-degree day because it's just too hot to cook.

Fillet steak, marinated in a garlic & red wine, breast fillets of chicken coated with Alan's 11 secret herbs and spices & venison sausages.

I think someone made some salad to have with it.

Dessert: pavlova with fresh whipped cream.

Wine: Deutz champagne.

You can keep the snow!

I took it simple, just took off from work; though after hearing your menu, I might fly over. I've never heard of pavlova; I've got to try making one!

jocky

12-26-2009, 07:23 PM

:)
I've never heard of pavlova; I've got to try making one!

Geez Soundo you really must stop eating at MacDonalds. One does not make a pavlova, one creates a pavlova. I ask again what is the world coming to ? :)

A Kiwi Christmas dinner.

Waiting until 6 or 7 to start the barbecue on a 28-degree day because it's just too hot to cook.

Fillet steak, marinated in a garlic & red wine, breast fillets of chicken coated with Alan's 11 secret herbs and spices & venison sausages.

I think someone made some salad to have with it.

Dessert: pavlova with fresh whipped cream.

Wine: Deutz champagne.

You can keep the snow!

If you are trying to make me jealous, it worked. Here is a copy of the wife's boxing day menu:

STARTER- Turkey soup.

MAIN COURSE-Turkey with various vegetables and herbs, or turkey without various vegetables and herbs.

DESSERT-Turkey marinated in it's own jelly.

I hate Xmas :(

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-27-2009, 11:24 AM

A Kiwi Christmas dinner.

...Dessert: pavlova with fresh whipped cream...

Coincidentally, my great Grandfather, Ivan from Russia, used that stuff in his dog experiments.
As one of his descendents, I have been conditioned to enjoy it.

:)

...DESSERT-Turkey marinated in it's own jelly...:(

That is fowl and disgusting!

Emil Miller

12-27-2009, 05:23 PM

I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up;
Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger

I feel I must intervene and point out that the "singing cowboy" was in fact Gene Autry although I don't recall the name of his horse. Did you know that one of the best selling single records was Gene Autry singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?

That's what I like about Litnet, you can glean a lot of interesting facts and improve your knowledge immeasurably.

prendrelemick

12-27-2009, 05:37 PM

Of course, Roy Rogers was the singing Architect.

jocky

12-27-2009, 06:23 PM

Coincidentally, my great Grandfather, Ivan from Russia, used that stuff in his dog experiments.
As one of his descendents, I have been conditioned to enjoy it.

!

You mean to say you are a samoyed ! That Ivan Pavlova carried out some unspeakable experiments. Why didn't you say sooner, we are all dog lovers here, and a dog that can read and write is an invaluable asset ? That has certainly given me paws to think. Fetch boy ( as Jocky throws a stick ). Was Ivan married to Anna ? :)

Of course, Roy Rogers was the singing Architect.

Wrong, everyone who is anyone knows that Camille O'Sullivan was the singing architect. What a Phyllis Stein ! :)

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-27-2009, 11:47 PM

I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up;
Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger

I feel I must intervene and point out that the "singing cowboy" was in fact Gene Autry...

Hello Brian and welcome back to the magical mystery tour.

I stand corrected; Gene Autry is THE singing cowboy from Tioga Texas I might add…let me pause to wipe a tear…while Roy was A singing cowboy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0A3HnHOmJ0&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93argkjkRxk

Wrong, everyone who is anyone knows that Camille O'Sullivan was the singing architect. What a Phyllis Stein ! :)

Be wary of those architectural references now that we know Brian is lurking in the wings at stage left. I will have to do further research to determine if there is any correlation between Camille and Louis.

soundofmusic

12-28-2009, 12:48 AM

:)

Geez Soundo you really must stop eating at MacDonalds. One does not make a pavlova, one creates a pavlova. I ask again what is the world coming to ? :)

If you are trying to make me jealous, it worked. Here is a copy of the wife's boxing day menu:

STARTER- Turkey soup.

MAIN COURSE-Turkey with various vegetables and herbs, or turkey without various vegetables and herbs.

DESSERT-Turkey marinated in it's own jelly.

I hate Xmas :(

I only eat in American restaurants when I visit the UK; they're the only ones who actually use beef in the hamburgers. I think the American MacDonalds uses yak;)
Be grateful you don't celebrate Thanksgiving; or you would just finish your Thanksgiving turkey before starting the Christmas one:lol:
Yes, I guess the Pavlova or a trifle would take a good bit of luck in my 15 year old Ge electric oven, with irratic electrical current, sitting on the typical slopping American floor:nod:

I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up;
Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger

I feel I must intervene and point out that the "singing cowboy" was in fact Gene Autry although I don't recall the name of his horse. Did you know that one of the best selling single records was Gene Autry singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?

That's what I like about Litnet, you can glean a lot of interesting facts and improve your knowledge immeasurably.

Hello Brian, While I truly liked Gene Autry's "Rudolf"; I'm still rather debating whether, with that twangy, nasally voice, he could be considered a "singing cowboy". Ah, now Roy had a great face and physique, a wonderful singing voice and a beautiful wife who also sang. I believe they even had a horse ranch.

The Atheist

12-28-2009, 03:08 AM

I hate Xmas :(

Oh well, make an effort to get down here next year.

25 degrees again today, fishing, beaches, sun.

Where else in the world can you be 20 km from a million+ metropolis and find yourself alone on a white sand beach with crystal clear water?

Coincidentally, my great Grandfather, Ivan from Russia, used that stuff in his dog experiments.
As one of his descendents, I have been conditioned to enjoy it.

Very wise! Many people think Rutherford splitting the atom was NZ's greatest achievment.

No way - it was the pavlova.

prendrelemick

12-28-2009, 10:41 AM

Preevyet Gilliatt, Do you feel the urge to perform a pas-de-deux when you heara bell?

jocky

12-28-2009, 11:31 AM

Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself. Brian will appreciate this, not.

The facade I based on the Greek Archaic style complete with doric columns, architrave, frieze and cornice, not forgetting the triglyphs and metopes. A true tribute to the ancient Greek natural world in microcosm.

The door was an exact replica of Ghiberti's North Doors of the Florence Baptistry while the windows were a tastefully designed mixture of oriel, gothic and casement.

The roof was problematic as I did not know whether to go with the medieval perpendicular or a dome. After much heated debate with the neighbours I went with the dome as the gothic was a mite intrusive. I decided on the style of Bramante's dome in St Peters Cathederal in Rome. I could have chosen the Pantheon dome but the occulus was too complicated.

The interior walls were decorated in the Arabesque geometrical style including hidden meanings, while the floor was a black and white mosaic not unlike the 1st Century one to be found at the Roman palace in Fishbourne.

I would have posted a photograph but unfortunately it got blown down in a severe five miles per hour breeze. Now where am I going to keep my pigeons ? :)

Emil Miller

12-28-2009, 04:44 PM

Hello Brian, While I truly liked Gene Autry's "Rudolf"; I'm still rather debating whether, with that twangy, nasally voice, he could be considered a "singing cowboy". Ah, now Roy had a great face and physique, a wonderful singing voice and a beautiful wife who also sang. I believe they even had a horse ranch.

Well I never really thought of Gene Autry and Roy Rogers as real cowboys; all those campfire sing songs and fancy clothes etc. I imagine that life in the old west was rather more like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLKGgpt_8lw

soundofmusic

12-29-2009, 12:08 AM

Oh well, make an effort to get down here next year.

25 degrees again today, fishing, beaches, sun.

Sounds beautiful, what are you doing, ice fishing?

Well I never really thought of Gene Autry and Roy Rogers as real cowboys; all those campfire sing songs and fancy clothes etc. I imagine that life in the old west was rather more like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLKGgpt_8lw

Yes Brian, I'm afraid you're right. I can't quite imagine what it must have been like for those mail order brides washing those pants on a scrub board.

Emil Miller

12-29-2009, 05:03 AM

gbrekken

12-29-2009, 12:08 PM

I'll take High Noon (just think about Tex Ritter singing "do not forsake me oh my darling")over Shane, though I can't say I know much about the real Wild West in the states. I can tell you to be careful though, when you go to Virginia City, Nevada. The guns being worn on the streets are not pretend. Makes you think twice before you shoot your mouth off after a few straight shots of whiskey doesn't it? I'll stick to being an acquaitance of the bikers.

25C=nice temp for the "winter" holiday eh? Personally I'm glad it's over so life can get back to normal, whaterver that is.

Thanks for the wonderful Xmas wishes all-I should probably tell you though that the braided steel post with porcelain cap lasted thirty years. I now have titanium in my face so I figure I'm good for life on the one tooth at least.

Being a former stick (wood as opposed to metal) framer, among other things, I'd have to say Jocky that you probably failed to get proper approval on those structural designs, as glorious as they may have been (it probably would've only delayed your efforts by a decade or so). Ever considered a large piece of canvas (buffalo hide) stretched around a stand of sticks for the birds? If they die, at least you have a safer place in a storm than standing outside the window looking in. :)

Best wishes to all for an even happier new year.

Emil Miller

12-29-2009, 12:20 PM

We can all be thankful that the attempt to blow up an aircraft in flight failed.
The post below is from an Indian gentleman writing on another website whose predicament is no doubt shared by others. However, now that exploding underpants have been added to the terrorist arsenal, does anyone have any suggestions on how to avoid the the security measures outlined in the second part of his post.

I have simply stopped travelling abroad (nearly 3 years) for many reasons , including the hassles at airports ( I'm a Hindu of Indian ethnicity and a very young looking 45 - Airport security and other staff can't tell and don't want to know the difference between someone like me and the **** Muslim terrorists )

Does this episode now mean that in addition to all other humiliations, security staff will now be groping your genitals in case of explosives, or even asking fro underwear to be removed?

Gilliatt Gurgle

12-29-2009, 01:50 PM

Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself...
...I would have posted a photograph but unfortunately it got blown down in a severe five miles per hour breeze. Now where am I going to keep my pigeons ?

Sounds like you left out the shear walls or lateral bracing to resist the heavy gusts. Or you could have opted for some beefy moment connections. Did you factor in the live loads for the sky rats and the dead loads from the heaps of droppings they leave behind?

Well I never really thought of Gene Autry and Roy Rogers as real cowboys; all those campfire sing songs and fancy clothes etc. I imagine that life in the old west was rather more like this:

Thanks for sharing that Brian. Shane is a classic with the great Jack Palance. He could handle anyone from sodbusters in Shane to cityslickers in "Cityslickers"

[QUOTE=Brian Bean;822020] ...However, now that exploding underpants have been added to the terrorist arsenal, does anyone have any suggestions on how to avoid the the security measures outlined in the second part of his post.

...Does this episode now mean that in addition to all other humiliations, security staff will now be groping your genitals in case of explosives, or even asking fro underwear to be removed?[/I]

All passengers must wear "tighty whities" or thongs perhaps?

Emil Miller

12-29-2009, 02:25 PM

All passengers must wear "tighty whities" or thongs perhaps?
:lol:

gbrekken

12-29-2009, 03:34 PM

It's getting prety deep in here The last time my underwear exploded, no one else got anyting out of it (except perhaps a whiff of foul air and a tire track).

Believe it or not-Deputy Baltes just dropped by to serve a subjpoena on someone else. Thank God it wasn't 5a.m. and he wanted me. no lie. it was a former resident apparently being looked for. I'm leaving to get colder ones in warmer climes, in keepng with the heart/theme of this thread. adios, adieu, alferdazeeen, wisht i cud spell all.

jocky

12-29-2009, 08:24 PM

Did you factor in the live loads for the sky rats and the dead loads from the heaps of droppings they leave behind.

Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. I have Fantails, Tumblers, Homers, Rollers and Pouters, why I once even had a German Nun. My talking pigeon, Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder. If he goes feet up I am holding you directly responsible. :)

We can all be thankful that the attempt to blow up an aircraft in flight failed.

Does this episode now mean that in addition to all other humiliations, security staff will now be groping your genitals in case of explosives, or even asking fro underwear to be removed?[/I]

I must admit Brian this event has caused me a couple of sleepless nights, this is down to my Scottish ethnicity you understand. When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored. When wearing my trousers I could very well be humiliated by having to reveal my knee length, draw stringed, yellow polka dot boxer shorts..That git has a lot to answer for. :)

Paulclem

12-29-2009, 09:12 PM

All passengers must wear "tighty whities" or thongs perhaps?
:lol:

Or go Commando.

Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself. Brian will appreciate this, not.

The facade I based on the Greek Archaic style complete with doric columns, architrave, frieze and cornice, not forgetting the triglyphs and metopes. A true tribute to the ancient Greek natural world in microcosm.

The door was an exact replica of Ghiberti's North Doors of the Florence Baptistry while the windows were a tastefully designed mixture of oriel, gothic and casement.

The roof was problematic as I did not know whether to go with the medieval perpendicular or a dome. After much heated debate with the neighbours I went with the dome as the gothic was a mite intrusive. I decided on the style of Bramante's dome in St Peters Cathederal in Rome. I could have chosen the Pantheon dome but the occulus was too complicated.

The interior walls were decorated in the Arabesque geometrical style including hidden meanings, while the floor was a black and white mosaic not unlike the 1st Century one to be found at the Roman palace in Fishbourne.

I would have posted a photograph but unfortunately it got blown down in a severe five miles per hour breeze. Now where am I going to keep my pigeons ? :)

I'm impressed. My shed - bought off a neighbour - is still laying on the floor of my allotment. I have the screws, but have mislaid the inclination. I got it last June.

Allotment - a small piece of rented land to grow veg etc on. (I mean small too. It constitutes a fraction of a field).

jocky

12-29-2009, 09:49 PM

I'm impressed. My shed - bought off a neighbour - is still laying on the floor of my allotment. I have the screws, but have mislaid the inclination. I got it last June.

Allotment - a small piece of rented land to grow veg etc on. (I mean small too. It constitutes a fraction of a field).

:D Pauclem, you realize I have terrible problems with another Englishman on this site, perhaps Midlands gentlemen are more approachable, somehow I doubt it. Now let me get this straight, you have not had a screw in your shed since last June because the inclination is gone and your ' allotment is too small ' My advice is this, keep your Missus well away from your neighbour. :)

prendrelemick

12-30-2009, 04:57 AM

Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. I have Fantails, Tumblers, Homers, Rollers and Pouters, why I once even had a German Nun. My talking pigeon, Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder. If he goes feet up I am holding you directly responsible. :)

I must admit Brian this event has caused me a couple of sleepless nights, this is down to my Scottish ethnicity you understand. When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored. When wearing my trousers I could very well be humiliated by having to reveal my knee length, draw stringed, yellow polka dot boxer shorts..That git has a lot to answer for. :)

No where to keep your pigeons eh Jocky. So often the answers to one's problems are too close to see, and it takes an outsider to point out the obvious solution.

A Scotsman. A pigeon fancier. A Scottish pigeon fancier with a commodious kilt. The answer is staring you in the face, man. (Though what you use as a perch is your own buisness.)

I know it's sad but THIS is the 1999th Cold Ale thread post. next poster achieves immortality!