Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[The Atheist]

Ah the chop. I particularly remember the smirk on my wife's face...

I found tea tree oil as an antiseptic to be very good.

Works well on bike chains as well!

Giving it some thought, soundo's quite right though about blokes not talking about it. We don't generally admit other blokes into the discussion about getting one; the only information beforehand is that one is about to get the chop.

Afterwards, while we'll freely admit to having had one, the details of the operation aren't usually discussed - beyond the obvious bits about the doctor needing a bigger scalpel, etc.

Oddly enough, our PM let it out last week that he'd had a vasectomy and it was treated with all sorts of mirth that I'm 100% confident if someone like Julia Gillard (Aussie's new PM) had admitted to having had a tubal ligation, just would not have happened.

[dafydd manton]

I had my snip done by an Army doctor, despite having been in the RAF. Three days in Dock, general anaesthetic, SEVEN flaming stitches, the entire tubes taken out (and offered to me in a jar), then supposely self-dissolving stitches. No such luck. They lasted ages, and when eventually they were removed by some smirking female doctor, I could have jumped over a Tank. The worst of it was, the Army were so stupid, they expected you to LIE TO ATTENTION when an officer walked in to the room. Brilliant idea, with the Bits on fire. Got home, and my youngest daughter came to welcome me home, head-butted me in just the wrong place. All that, just for a divorce 7 years later!!

[The Atheist]

Classic!

I will note that the no-stitch method is pretty good - at least it's only the once you have any "procedures" going on.

Lying to attention - I like that!

Nobody's mentioning the after-match testing....

:D

[prendrelemick]

My brother in law had his done before mine and told me a large black homosexual male nurse came round to check the patients had shaved beforehand. If he found a single pube he'd lather you up and give you a very close going over with his razor, at the same time giving a running commentry for all the ward to hear. I was so terrified of this man that I got the wife to shave everything in the underpants zone the night before and I mean thoroughly. Completely unnecessary, said the the giggling nurse (female) the next day.

As to the actual op, all I can say is that to cough, is to know pain.

[dafydd manton]

Classic!

I will note that the no-stitch method is pretty good - at least it's only the once you have any "procedures" going on.

Lying to attention - I like that!

Nobody's mentioning the after-match testing....

:D

I've been trying desperately hard (if you'll excuse the pun) to forget that!! A two year old copy of Mayfair............

[soundofmusic]

I would, just to disspell the myths, but in the end, I'd still rather blokes got sucked into a little pain as opposed to the alternatives. It's why the blog itself doesn't get involved in the bruising! :eek6: or the pain or any of the negatives - I suspect a large majority of men would use any excuse to avoid the operation.

Very few watch, apparently, as I did. Episiotomy, vasectomy, open-heart surgery - I find it all fascinating.



Take a trip!

Weather - today, in the middle of winter, the coldest month of the year, I've just got back from fishing & shooting with Kaed. 9 am and we're standing comfortably in t-shirts. No fish, but he scared a few birds with the shooting! The northern third of the North Island has the perfect climate for humans - never too hot nor too cold.

Today is sensational - just like yesterday!

:D

Barbecue is ready to go at any time! Blue steak a specialty.[/URL]

See, that's why the Brits still have beautiful rolling hills, clean rivers...they're all willing to "give alittle snip" for prosperity, country, and the Mrs...Not these American men; they're trying to get medicare to include condoms in their perscription plan!
It sounds so perfect, Atheist, one of these days I've got to forget about my overgrown yard and crumbling shack and hop a plane; do you think I need a course on the dialect?


Ah the chop. I particularly remember the smirk on my wife's face...

I found tea tree oil as an antiseptic to be very good.

I think you ought to tell her the doctor told you she had to be done also, just to be double sure:icon_bs:...I'll bet the smirk would disappear soon enough:ihih:

I had my snip done by an Army doctor, despite having been in the RAF. Three days in Dock, general anaesthetic, SEVEN flaming stitches, the entire tubes taken out (and offered to me in a jar), then supposely self-dissolving stitches. No such luck. They lasted ages, and when eventually they were removed by some smirking female doctor, I could have jumped over a Tank. The worst of it was, the Army were so stupid, they expected you to LIE TO ATTENTION when an officer walked in to the room. Brilliant idea, with the Bits on fire. Got home, and my youngest daughter came to welcome me home, head-butted me in just the wrong place. All that, just for a divorce 7 years later!!

I didn't realize Army docs were the same in every country; my body was spitting out "dissolving stitches" for the next 2 years...


My brother in law had his done before mine and told me a large black homosexual male nurse came round to check the patients had shaved beforehand. If he found a single pube he'd lather you up and give you a very close going over with his razor, at the same time giving a running commentry for all the ward to hear. I was so terrified of this man that I got the wife to shave everything in the underpants zone the night before and I mean thoroughly. Completely unnecessary, said the the giggling nurse (female) the next day.

As to the actual op, all I can say is that to cough, is to know pain.

I think you need to invite the brother-in-law over for a drinking party, some pics with chics for the internet and some manscaping and a crew cut:party:

[dafydd manton]

Dialect lessons, my dear? Welcome to our 'umble little country n this 'umble little island, with it's 'umble populace of 'umble people. Already. Don't come to Yorkshire, unless you can translate my Blog "Tha mun talk reight, sithee!" I moved up here from the South at the age of 18, and couldn't understand a word. Still can't, half the time!

[Paulclem]

I like thes anecdotes of shared pain. No-one wants to know in real life. :D

No the smirk never left my wife's face - her being a nurse and understanding perfectly well what was going to happen. The injection straight into the testicle surprised me. The second into the other one had me in the pain of anticipation as well.

I too was given a going over with a razor by my wife - better the devil you know - and the healing was ok. Much less painful than I'd been led to believe.

A friend of ours wore new jeans not long after his op and the dye infected his nuts badly. A new aspect to blue balls.:D

[The Atheist]

My brother in law had his done before mine and told me a large black homosexual male nurse came round to check the patients had shaved beforehand. If he found a single pube he'd lather you up and give you a very close going over with his razor, at the same time giving a running commentry for all the ward to hear. I was so terrified of this man that I got the wife to shave everything in the underpants zone the night before and I mean thoroughly. Completely unnecessary, said the the giggling nurse (female) the next day.

As to the actual op, all I can say is that to cough, is to know pain.

:smilielol5:

Yes, it's not until vasectomy or hernia that you realise how closely tied to the rest of your abdomen they actually are!


I've been trying desperately hard (if you'll excuse the pun) to forget that!! A two year old copy of Mayfair............

:smilielol5:

At least I had some... help from Mrs Atheist with that chore!



See, that's why the Brits still have beautiful rolling hills, clean rivers...they're all willing to "give alittle snip" for prosperity, country, and the Mrs...Not these American men; they're trying to get medicare to include condoms in their perscription plan!
It sounds so perfect, Atheist, one of these days I've got to forget about my overgrown yard and crumbling shack and hop a plane; do you think I need a course on the dialect?

If only.

Truth be told, 3/4 of the country models its speech on, like, American TV, like, sitcoms, yaknowwh'msayin'?...


Dialect lessons, my dear? Welcome to our 'umble little country n this 'umble little island, with it's 'umble populace of 'umble people. Already. Don't come to Yorkshire, unless you can translate my Blog "Tha mun talk reight, sithee!" I moved up here from the South at the age of 18, and couldn't understand a word. Still can't, half the time!

I once recruited a bloke from Manchester to come and run some automatic lathes for a company out here. I placed him in a company with a Geordie factory manager and a Scouser foreman.

I gave him a lift to work on his first day to introduce him around and he started a conversation with the Geordie and Scouser.

I understood about one word in every 10, and most them began with "F"!

[dafydd manton]

Suddenly, I've got a shocking pain in the groin, a red face and wish I'd kept my native accent. Somebody call me either an ambulance or a psychiatrist!!

[The Atheist]

Much less painful than I'd been led to believe.

It must vary then, because mine was the opposite, although I wonder if I'd taken the "complete rest" option things might have been different. Did you rest up for a couple of days? Unfortunately, unless I'm at death's door, I have to be up and going and I just got up and went!

You need to put my experiences in the light of a bloke who went deer hunting in the Uruwera mountains ten days after having my appendix removed.

That was different - I can still recall the exact feeling as I swung around a tree stump on a particularly steep bit and the scar tore. I could feel it opening like a zip and expected to look down and see the whole thing open with entrails falling out. Luckily, it was only the scar tissue stretching and I have an extra-wide appendectomy scar only to show for it. The opposite could have been quite funny as we were 2 hours from the road and in days long before cellphones.

Didn't get to kill any deer, either.


Suddenly, I've got a shocking pain in the groin, a red face and wish I'd kept my native accent. Somebody call me either an ambulance or a psychiatrist!!

How about both?

:D

[dafydd manton]

You could well be right! One with a siren that goes "Loo-Nee......Loo-Nee.....!"

[The Atheist]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4

[prendrelemick]

I've been trying desperately hard (if you'll excuse the pun) to forget that!! A two year old copy of Mayfair............

Ah Mayfair, there's a name to conjour with. By the time the latest copy got passed round the fifth form, most of the pages were stuck together.

[dafydd manton]

.....or wrinkly.

[soundofmusic]

Dialect lessons, my dear? Welcome to our 'umble little country n this 'umble little island, with it's 'umble populace of 'umble people. Already. Don't come to Yorkshire, unless you can translate my Blog "Tha mun talk reight, sithee!" I moved up here from the South at the age of 18, and couldn't understand a word. Still can't, half the time!

Well, some of that I learned from Rex Harrison...I still have problems with understanding this texting thing everyones doing...I can never tell if they just can't spell. I had a Cockney cab driver once, I just gave him the largest bill I had because I understood nothing between the station and the hotel.


I like thes anecdotes of shared pain. No-one wants to know in real life. :D

No the smirk never left my wife's face - her being a nurse and understanding perfectly well what was going to happen. The injection straight into the testicle surprised me. The second into the other one had me in the pain of anticipation as well.

I too was given a going over with a razor by my wife - better the devil you know - and the healing was ok. Much less painful than I'd been led to believe.

A friend of ours wore new jeans not long after his op and the dye infected his nuts badly. A new aspect to blue balls.:D

You're kidding, a needle in the boys:eek6:; Is there any chance of getting general anesthesia with vasectomies or maybe gas before the shots...


:smilielol5:

Yes, it's not until vasectomy or hernia that you realise how closely tied to the rest of your abdomen they actually are!

:smilielol5:

At least I had some... help from Mrs Atheist with that chore!




If only.

Truth be told, 3/4 of the country models its speech on, like, American TV, like, sitcoms, yaknowwh'msayin'?...



I once recruited a bloke from Manchester to come and run some automatic lathes for a company out here. I placed him in a company with a Geordie factory manager and a Scouser foreman.

I gave him a lift to work on his first day to introduce him around and he started a conversation with the Geordie and Scouser.

I understood about one word in every 10, and most them began with "F"!

Do you have alot of American TV in the other countries; I thought everyone had their own sitcoms...
Yes, we all come together on the F word...

[The Atheist]

I still have problems with understanding this texting thing everyones doing...I can never tell if they just can't spell.

thank god that problem seems to be solving itself since the introduction of predictive text.

People who text me gibberish language get deleted without reply. I figure that if someone wants to appear a complete moron, I'm not bothered by whatever it is they're trying to say.



You're kidding, a needle in the boys:eek6:; Is there any chance of getting general anesthesia with vasectomies or maybe gas before the shots...

That one's obviously gone out - certainly not something I had. just one local for the scissors.



Do you have alot of American TV in the other countries; I thought everyone had their own sitcoms...

Alas, a sickening amount of it gets shown here. Even worse are those "reality" program things; it seems that every one ever made gets on NZ TV. Not that I've ever watched a second of one. And yes, we make those here as well, but not sitcoms.

[dafydd manton]

To give you an idea, one of the staellite channels is showing re-runs of "I Love Lucy".

[The Atheist]

Wow, that's a blast from the distant past!

[dafydd manton]

Not quite sure why the TV companies think we might want to watch something quite so old/dated/unfunny, although having said that, Dad's Army has been shown so many times it's not funny. (Unlike Round the Horne and The Goons on the radio, which are still funny. Long live radio comedy.)

[soundofmusic]

thank god that problem seems to be solving itself since the introduction of predictive text.

People who text me gibberish language get deleted without reply. I figure that if someone wants to appear a complete moron, I'm not bothered by whatever it is they're trying to say.

That one's obviously gone out - certainly not something I had. just one local for the scissors.

Alas, a sickening amount of it gets shown here. Even worse are those "reality" program things; it seems that every one ever made gets on NZ TV. Not that I've ever watched a second of one. And yes, we make those here as well, but not sitcoms.

I have always thought that any person who wants to work with the "twilight zone" of men and women has to be saddist or just plain perverts...
How about those dudes that spend their time stretching urethras:ack2: if mine stops working; I'm just going to tell them to hook a tube directly to the kidneys...no fuss...I'll just bring the looped skirts back in fashion:cornut:

Have you had some of those gibberish people on this forum; one started writing to me, I think some college kids are doing some psych papers...

I just can't get how people keep believing these reality things; oh, the bachelor just dumped another wife after 2 months; he'll be back for next season...
And the survivors keep becoming millionaires, and even the folks my age don't die out there with water rationing..:icon_bs:



To give you an idea, one of the staellite channels is showing re-runs of "I Love Lucy".

I guess they want to dream of a time when a girl could spend her days having coffee with her chubby friend and do a quick 45 minute clean; the husband stayed good looking and kept bringing celebrities home...

Oh, a big hello to everyone, Hey Mick, Jocky still doing roofs...are you sure he didn't get traumatized when his poetry was criticized?
Where's Gilliatt? Hi Paul!

[Paulclem]

Hi Sounds.

Just a week to go and then I can finish work and start on the new allotment project for the summer. I've got a new half plot thats somewhat overgrown, but not too bad. It's got this fantastic shed that looks like its going to blow down in the next gentle breeze, but is held up by railway sleepers.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=785&pictureid=7557

Overgrown but not too bad for digging. The grass hasn't matted yet.

I know you chaps and ladies would appreciate a good shed.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=785&pictureid=7556

Superb.

[The Atheist]

I have always thought that any person who wants to work with the "twilight zone" of men and women has to be saddist or just plain perverts...
How about those dudes that spend their time stretching urethras:ack2: if mine stops working; I'm just going to tell them to hook a tube directly to the kidneys...no fuss...I'll just bring the looped skirts back in fashion:cornut:

:lol:

Stretching urethras? Crikey, I can imagine running an ad for that job!


I just can't get how people keep believing these reality things; oh, the bachelor just dumped another wife after 2 months; he'll be back for next season...

I'm sure there's a message in them somewhere, and so far, my best attempts to divine meaning goes like this:

Viewers:

"I am so boring that TV shows made in the spirit of Blair Witch Project are vicariously entertaining."

Actors:

"I am so desperate for my 15 minutes of fame that I'll play along." behaving exactly as do people in stage hypnotism shows.


And the survivors keep becoming millionaires, and even the folks my age don't die out there with water rationing..:icon_bs:

There is a dark side to it all. One very popular celebrity chick on one filmed out of NZ but stationed in Fiji contracted some obscure tropical virus that nearly killed her. A radio station contest to drink the most water without urinating resulted in the death of a young mother, and that's all part of the same syndrome.

On the other hand, I'd like to set one up myself: Survivor: Gulf of Carpentaria.*

*Enormous swampy, uninhabited area at the top of Australia, populated mostly by crocodiles and stinging/biting insects that rate humans as fillet steak.



Oh, a big hello to everyone, Hey Mick, Jocky still doing roofs...are you sure he didn't get traumatized when his poetry was criticized?

I don't think that's one of jocky's problems! he used to that!

:D



Hi Sounds.

Just a week to go and then I can finish work and start on the new allotment project for the summer. I've got a new half plot thats somewhat overgrown, but not too bad. It's got this fantastic shed that looks like its going to blow down in the next gentle breeze, but is held up by railway sleepers.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=785&pictureid=7557

Overgrown but not too bad for digging. The grass hasn't matted yet.

I know you chaps and ladies would appreciate a good shed.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=785&pictureid=7556

Superb.

Allotments!

My word, they're something I hadn't thought of in a long time. I haven't had a vegetable garden in years either. All clay around here and impossible to grow anything in.

[Paulclem]

This is my third year in my original allotment. I asked the bloke who runs it if there were any spare plots, having had our eye on one opposite. He said we could have that one. We wer pleased. More taties!

[The Atheist]

This is my third year in my original allotment. I asked the bloke who runs it if there were any spare plots, having had our eye on one opposite. He said we could have that one. We wer pleased. More taties!

I envy you!

Having a vege garden just gives you a whole new insight into vegetables, and of all of them, potatoes are king of different - potatoes only hours out of the garden don't taste anything like ones you get from a shop. Mrs Atheist kept herself alive during her first pregnancy on fresh garden potatoes topped with butter.

Every day, I'd be out there digging up enough spuds to feed her - it was the only thing she could eat for dinner for months!

My all-time favourite dish is fish I caught myself in the morning with home-grown, freshly-picked potatoes. I'd swap that for dinner at the Ritz any day!

[soundofmusic]

Hi Sounds.

Just a week to go and then I can finish work and start on the new allotment project for the summer. I've got a new half plot thats somewhat overgrown, but not too bad. It's got this fantastic shed that looks like its going to blow down in the next gentle breeze, but is held up by railway sleepers.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=785&pictureid=7557

Overgrown but not too bad for digging. The grass hasn't matted yet.

I know you chaps and ladies would appreciate a good shed.

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/picture.php?albumid=785&pictureid=7556

Superb.
It's such a beautiful piece of countryside; there is nothing like the English countryside. I love those white flowers around the side. I could definitely use that shed.
You'll like this story, my lawn is now almost to my knees and my weed wacker died. I found a very expensive battery operated lawn mower in an outlet for 1/3 the price, I called and the fellow said it was brand new...a floor model. I called again yesterday to make sure it was still there before making the hour trip...still there. When I got there, the fellow said the lawn mower was fine; but the charger for the battery and manual were missing. I told him how poor and old I was and he promised to order the charger free and send it within the week if I'd take home the lawnmower. I couldn't remember how to put down my seat and so it bounced against my trunk the whole way. When I got home I checked and it looked like someone had tried to mow a barn with it...that's all I'll say...it is so big that I had to leave it in the living room:lol:

:lol:

Stretching urethras? Crikey, I can imagine running an ad for that job!



I'm sure there's a message in them somewhere, and so far, my best attempts to divine meaning goes like this:

Viewers:

"I am so boring that TV shows made in the spirit of Blair Witch Project are vicariously entertaining."

Actors:

"I am so desperate for my 15 minutes of fame that I'll play along." behaving exactly as do people in stage hypnotism shows.

There is a dark side to it all. One very popular celebrity chick on one filmed out of NZ but stationed in Fiji contracted some obscure tropical virus that nearly killed her. A radio station contest to drink the most water without urinating resulted in the death of a young mother, and that's all part of the same syndrome.


I don't think that's one of jocky's problems! he used to that!


My word, they're something I hadn't thought of in a long time. I haven't had a vegetable garden in years either. All clay around here and impossible to grow anything in.

I heard the story about the mother, very sad; though, for the life of me I can't figure out how she did that to herself. I remember those tests where they told me to drink water and don't void...I felt like a 2 year old doing the wee-wee dance...

Poor Jocky, he really writes very nice poetry and his stories, real and fabricated are entertaining...I hope Mrs Jocky didn't find his muse and bury him in the basement

I thought clay was wonderful for some things...peaches, pecans, that's all they have in the south where my dad and Scarlett Ohara were from...

[The Atheist]

You'll like this story, my lawn is now almost to my knees and my weed wacker died. I found a very expensive battery operated lawn mower in an outlet for 1/3 the price, I called and the fellow said it was brand new...a floor model. I called again yesterday to make sure it was still there before making the hour trip...still there. When I got there, the fellow said the lawn mower was fine; but the charger for the battery and manual were missing. I told him how poor and old I was and he promised to order the charger free and send it within the week if I'd take home the lawnmower. I couldn't remember how to put down my seat and so it bounced against my trunk the whole way. When I got home I checked and it looked like someone had tried to mow a barn with it...that's all I'll say...it is so big that I had to leave it in the living room:lol:

:lol:

Story needs pics!



I thought clay was wonderful for some things...peaches, pecans, that's all they have in the south where my dad and Scarlett Ohara were from...

Not really into trees - too much hard work and far too long to wait. I like to plant me spuds and eat 'em in weeks rather than years.

:D

[Paulclem]

I envy you!

Having a vege garden just gives you a whole new insight into vegetables, and of all of them, potatoes are king of different - potatoes only hours out of the garden don't taste anything like ones you get from a shop. Mrs Atheist kept herself alive during her first pregnancy on fresh garden potatoes topped with butter.

Every day, I'd be out there digging up enough spuds to feed her - it was the only thing she could eat for dinner for months!

My all-time favourite dish is fish I caught myself in the morning with home-grown, freshly-picked potatoes. I'd swap that for dinner at the Ritz any day!

I've grown my first lot of potatoes this year, and you're right, they taste great.

Due to a lack of space, I grew the first earlies in bags. They've done fine. Now I've got another half plot, I can grow a lot more next year.


It's such a beautiful piece of countryside; there is nothing like the English countryside. I love those white flowers around the side.


I think they're called bindweed. they grow in all the hedges and fences. They are nice. They close up at night and really glow in the twilight. When we were in Goa we found that a variety of pink ones grew near the beach.

[soundofmusic]

:lol:

Story needs pics!

Not really into trees - too much hard work and far too long to wait. I like to plant me spuds and eat 'em in weeks rather than years.

:D
I'm a bit retarded with uploading pics; I was thinking last night, I'll have to show you guys my 50ft Poinciana; I don't quite no what to do, one part rotted and is sitting on my roof, growing another tree; the other is springing up and flowering.
Home grown potatoes sounds wonderful; I grew some turnips a few years, great stuff. I want to try something all of the spanish folks use instead of potatoes here; kind of a green tinted sweeter version of a potato.


I've grown my first lot of potatoes this year, and you're right, they taste great.

Due to a lack of space, I grew the first earlies in bags. They've done fine. Now I've got another half plot, I can grow a lot more next year.



I think they're called bindweed. they grow in all the hedges and fences. They are nice. They close up at night and really glow in the twilight. When we were in Goa we found that a variety of pink ones grew near the beach.

I wonder if I can find them here; I would love to put them in the yard as ground cover.

[The Atheist]

I'm a bit retarded with uploading pics; I was thinking last night, I'll have to show you guys my 50ft Poinciana; I don't quite no what to do, one part rotted and is sitting on my roof, growing another tree; the other is springing up and flowering.

Ok!

A photo posting lesson in simple stages:

1 go to photobucket.com or some other photo sharing site. Flickr is another.

2 once you have set up an account, upload the photos using their "upload" button, which will enable you to click on pics from your computer.

3 those pics are then held by servers at the photo site.

4 once they're uploaded, you can share them here by pointing your cursor at the picture on the site, which opens a menu like this like this:

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/111.jpg

5 left click on "IMG Code" to highlight, then right click to copy.

6 paste exactly that in your post as I did above and the pic will sit there for you.

[The Atheist]

Anyone else enjoy the demise of the Sheep-stealers' cricket team at the hands of Pakistan?

:D

[soundofmusic]

Ok!

A photo posting lesson in simple stages:

1 go to photobucket.com or some other photo sharing site. Flickr is another.

2 once you have set up an account, upload the photos using their "upload" button, which will enable you to click on pics from your computer.

3 those pics are then held by servers at the photo site.

4 once they're uploaded, you can share them here by pointing your cursor at the picture on the site, which opens a menu like this like this:

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/111.jpg

5 left click on "IMG Code" to highlight, then right click to copy.

6 paste exactly that in your post as I did above and the pic will sit there for you.

Thank you, I'll try it! You know, it's a little embarassing, even 10 year olds can do it...
Hey, did you all notice, Scher is reviving some of our old controversial threads...She brought back the one about celibacy...

[The Atheist]

Oooh, I must go look!

[prendrelemick]

Anyone else enjoy the demise of the Sheep-stealers' cricket team at the hands of Pakistan?

:D


:thumbs_up:thumbs_up

The crowds at Hedingley were a bit thin- there is talk of a financial crisis there. They paid alot of money to get the test, but ticket sales were poor. There is a large Pakistani community near by who turn up to the 20/20 games, but they didn't bother with the Test Match.

Headingly is a good ground but you can't drive to it - you can drive past it - but just try and park within 2 miles of the place, you'd have your motor towed away and impounded in a second. If you take out a second mortgage and sign up to a corporate package, you can park on the Rugby pitch next door (owned by the Cricket club.) Many a Rugby league player has developed a devastating side-step avoiding the wheel ruts at Headingly.

[soundofmusic]

Oooh, I must go look!

Oh, yeah, it'll be like old times...


:thumbs_up:thumbs_up

Headingly is a good ground but you can't drive to it - you can drive past it - but just try and park within 2 miles of the place, you'd have your motor towed away and impounded in a second. If you take out a second mortgage and sign up to a corporate package, you can park on the Rugby pitch next door (owned by the Cricket club.) Many a Rugby league player has developed a devastating side-step avoiding the wheel ruts at Headingly.

The parking thing is such a racket. Every place here that is worth going or involves compulsory business has a car park that breaks your wallet...
Oh, don't you love the valet services, you baby your car and they drive away with it popping wheelies. You look at your gas gauge later and noticed its lost a quarter tank...:shocked:

[The Atheist]

:thumbs_up:thumbs_up

The crowds at Hedingley were a bit thin- there is talk of a financial crisis there. They paid alot of money to get the test, but ticket sales were poor. There is a large Pakistani community near by who turn up to the 20/20 games, but they didn't bother with the Test Match.

Bet they wish they had now!

15 years in the making.

[Paulclem]

The vista of a month off looms - and all those jobs I've got to do too. Painting - tiling the living room floor, sorting out the garage...Some of them won't get done. I'm always too ambitious.

We're not going away this year - it's going to be expensive when the eldest lad leaves for Uni.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

How have my blokey friends been doin?
It has been too long since I set foot in this joint.
The next round of Lonesome Gobble Goats is on me!
(That’s one can Lone Star beer, one cup Wild Turkey 101 and half cup Goat milk)

Athiest – belated happy birthday to thuh yung’ns

Prendrelemick – Is cricket season starting up? This year I must try and get a handle on this game!

Soundofmusic – You are as beautiful as ever. An Edelweiss to you.

Paul – your spuds are starch to my ears of corn.
Hey, you could market those spuds. Since they are from the allotment, how about “Allot - o - Spuds”, huh? What d’ya think?
Or “Clemintators”?

Speaking of corn, I’m shucking away the next few months in Illinois, working on a project up here. The company will be flying me home periodically though. In fact my first trip home is this Friday.
Since I’m here, I may as well see what they have in the way of Big Foot sightings or hunts I can take part in.

Jocky, where did you go this time?

It is summer. It is hot and I smell meatloaf…:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fAPEUWowEc&feature=related


Gilliatt

[The Atheist]

Since I’m here, I may as well see what they have in the way of Big Foot sightings or hunts I can take part in.

Sasquatch steaks, mmmmmmm!

[prendrelemick]

I like your spuds Idea Gilliat. If ever you get sent up to Alaska, you could sell refridgerators..:thumbs_up

Cricket is easy compared to Baseball I think.

[soundofmusic]

Soundofmusic – You are as beautiful as ever. An Edelweiss to you.

Speaking of corn, I’m shucking away the next few months in Illinois, working on a project up here. The company will be flying me home periodically though. In fact my first trip home is this Friday.
Since I’m here, I may as well see what they have in the way of Big Foot sightings or hunts I can take part in.

Jocky, where did you go this time?

Gilliatt

Thank you, Gilliatt, you put a smile on this old wilted face...actually, it has some color today; Jess insisted I get a weed wacker since the lawn is calf legnth. I'm out there with my 4 batteries (it's a battery charged trimmer) cutting those things down...
When I noticed, that little bit of poinciana that was growing into my house is now taking off a bit of the roof tiles...
Tonight, heard a terrible sound, a dove was trying to fly into one of the fallen screens in the fascia board...

I guess I might have to hire me a man!

[Paulclem]

Paul – your spuds are starch to my ears of corn.
Hey, you could market those spuds. Since they are from the allotment, how about “Allot - o - Spuds”, huh? What d’ya think?
Or “Clemintators”?

Gilliatt
:smile5:
Good idea - but I like them too much to sell. We have a baked potato company here called Spud-u-like so Cleminatatos is the one. If we combine companies it could be "The Dumpy Spud and the Corny Guy" perhaps.

[prendrelemick]

How did that happen? I ask myself. Yesterday we went looking for a car with my daughter and I end up holding Mrs Ps various coats, gloves, handbag, umbrella while she rummages in a remnants tub for suitable material to cover the piano stool.

How does she do it? I set off with the pleasurable anticipation of kicking a few tyres and shaking my head whilst noisily sucking in my breath and playing offer/counter offer with salesmen. However, the daughter finds something straightaway (She likes the colour - it matches her outfit. :rolleyes:)and so shopping ensued. Worse, it was shopping without any particular need or object in mind. We came home with a packet of slug pellets and a piece of cloth. This took us all day.:confused:

[The Atheist]

Classic stuff!

You're not Del-boy are you?

[dafydd manton]

Gilliatt, Cricket is dead easy. Put simply, you have two sides, one of which is out in the field and the other is in. Those who are out try to get those who are in out. Those who are in try to stay in, but obviously some get out as a result of the work of those who are out. Once those who are in are all out, they go out, and the other side are in, until they are all out. At the end of the day, it is all a precursor to (a) spending the day away from the missus and (b) going down the pub to discuss a game that 80% of the players didn't understand in the first place. There is no better way of spending a day without having to dangle worms on bits of string in to rivers. Hope this helps.

[Paulclem]

How did that happen? I ask myself. Yesterday we went looking for a car with my daughter and I end up holding Mrs Ps various coats, gloves, handbag, umbrella while she rummages in a remnants tub for suitable material to cover the piano stool.

How does she do it? I set off with the pleasurable anticipation of kicking a few tyres and shaking my head whilst noisily sucking in my breath and playing offer/counter offer with salesmen. However, the daughter finds something straightaway (She likes the colour - it matches her outfit. :rolleyes:)and so shopping ensued. Worse, it was shopping without any particular need or object in mind. We came home with a packet of slug pellets and a piece of cloth. This took us all day.:confused:

I can see that this is a big thing for you. I too was of your ilk until I started my own - "I'm just going over here/ into this shop/ meet you in ten shopping strategy. I now like shopping, because Mrs P appreciates a fellow shopper, (even if I'm shopping for nothing) more than a moping drag along.

[The Atheist]

Gilliatt, Cricket is dead easy. Put simply, you have two sides, one of which is out in the field and the other is in. Those who are out try to get those who are in out. Those who are in try to stay in, but obviously some get out as a result of the work of those who are out. Once those who are in are all out, they go out, and the other side are in, until they are all out.

Stolen!

:D

It's still a good description, though. There's another that discusses silly mid-off and other cricketing positions, which is good as well.

I must try to find it!


At the end of the day, it is all a precursor to (a) spending the day away from the missus and (b) going down the pub to discuss a game that 80% of the players didn't understand in the first place. There is no better way of spending a day without having to dangle worms on bits of string in to rivers. Hope this helps.

Ah, fishing.

Work is the curse of the fisherman.

(also stolen ;))


I can see that this is a big thing for you. I too was of your ilk until I started my own - "I'm just going over here/ into this shop/ meet you in ten shopping strategy. I now like shopping, because Mrs P appreciates a fellow shopper, (even if I'm shopping for nothing) more than a moping drag along.

Thank god Mrs Atheist detests shopping!

[Paulclem]

Stolen!

Thank god Mrs Atheist detests shopping!

Coping. It's all a bloke can do. :smile5:

[dafydd manton]

Atheist, my old, Plagiarised, please, it sounds so much more refined!!! Oh, all right, nicked, then. I actually wrote an artice putting all the various positions in German, which was a bit odd. Kurzer Bein, Dritter Mann, all that kind of stuff. If ever I can work out how to upload stuff from my computer on to here, I'll post it.

[prendrelemick]

I can see that this is a big thing for you. I too was of your ilk until I started my own - "I'm just going over here/ into this shop/ meet you in ten shopping strategy. I now like shopping, because Mrs P appreciates a fellow shopper, (even if I'm shopping for nothing) more than a moping drag along.

Paul you are a saint. I just can't stand it. Its the hours and hours wasted that gets me. If you need a pair of socks, why not just go into a shop and buy some? My Mrs P goes into several, and then returns to the first one and then buys some- why? Those slug pellets, we were half an hour choosing them, do the slugs care wether they are organic or not?. (She used to use some of my Newkie Brown to drown them in - they were getting more than I do) Anyway rant over, A large brandy please, Parker.

[dafydd manton]

Gad, Sir. You feed your slugs on brandy? A decent Asbach, one trusts!

[Paulclem]

Paul you are a saint. I just can't stand it. Its the hours and hours wasted that gets me. If you need a pair of socks, why not just go into a shop and buy some? My Mrs P goes into several, and then returns to the first one and then buys some- why? Those slug pellets, we were half an hour choosing them, do the slugs care wether they are organic or not?. (She used to use some of my Newkie Brown to drown them in - they were getting more than I do) Anyway rant over, A large brandy please, Parker.

:smile5:

I know. It's a rant I've ranted, but now I've relented. No more war so no more losing.

[The Atheist]

Never mind the brandy, how about some of this stuff?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/food-wine/3974658/The-worlds-strongest-beer

[papayahed]

Never mind the brandy, how about some of this stuff?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/food-wine/3974658/The-worlds-strongest-beer


Only 12 bottles were made, each housed inside a stuffed dead animal and sold starting at 500 pounds ($NZ1086) each.

Can I pick my dead animal?

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...do the slugs care wether they are organic or not?. (She used to use some of my Newkie Brown to drown them in - they were getting more than I do) Anyway rant over, A large brandy please, Parker.


Gad, Sir. You feed your slugs on brandy? A decent Asbach, one trusts!


Never mind the brandy, how about some of this stuff?


You may joke about this technique, but my now sainted mother swore by the slug beer drwoning method. I remember as a young lad, seeing shallow pans placed in the garden with dozens of sloshed slugs laying about in each one.
She would knock down the first five then save the sixth for the slug traps.

The fumes alone wafting off that Dutch concoction would eradicate the slugs.

[The Atheist]

Can I pick my dead animal?


Sure, the elephant's gone.

:D


You may joke about this technique, but my now sainted mother swore by the slug beer drwoning method.

I might give that a try, we have the slugs from hell around here.

One night in summer, we were outside and I went to pick up what I'd assumed was a small branch that had dropped at the side of the pool. I was astonished to see the damned thing moving as I approached. Jesus, the thing was bigger than some snakes! 8 inches long and half an inch across, it was bigger than....... [/edited for content!]

I spread slug poison around and they just eat it and carry on - might be why they're so bloody big! Goddam mutant slugs.

UGHHHH!

[prendrelemick]

The beer method works fine. The trouble is they seem to like the good stuff the best, cheap lager just won't do it - hence the commandeering of my personal supplies.


All you do, is push a dish into the soil so that its rim is level with the surface. Then devise a cover above it that slugs can squeeze under, we used a flat stone supported on smaller stones. We found the slugs round here liked Guinness the best.

On the first night we caught 124 slugs in three dishes- a record that stands to this day.

[dafydd manton]

Just the thought of 124 slugs is pretty nauseating, but (and I'm not joking here), how do you dispose of them? Surely you can't put 'em in the bin? Presumably bury them.

[prendrelemick]

They are absolutley disgusting. When they drown in beer all their slime seems to ooze out of them, and become covered in a yeasty growth (from the beer I suppose.) Ours went on the compost heap.

[dafydd manton]

Bleurghh! Fortunately Her Indoors does all the gardening, so not really my problem. The only thing she'll let me do is cut the lawn, and sadly I get hay-fever, so that's out.

[prendrelemick]

Can I pick my dead animal?

I wonder about the orientation of the bottle within - which end do you pour from.:blush2:

[prendrelemick]

Bleurghh! Fortunately Her Indoors does all the gardening, so not really my problem. The only thing she'll let me do is cut the lawn, and sadly I get hay-fever, so that's out.

So, her indoors does the outdoors eh.:smilewinkgrin:

[dafydd manton]

At the moment, yes, but if she knew I was contemplating a deceased Dingo full of alcohol (provided that I can pour from that end which is capable of facial expressions) she'd have me out there with a spade in my hand before you can say "Care for the other half?"

[The Atheist]

On the first night we caught 124 slugs in three dishes- a record that stands to this day.

Nah. I'd be too scared to get 'em drunk.


Just the thought of 124 slugs is pretty nauseating, but (and I'm not joking here), how do you dispose of them? Surely you can't put 'em in the bin? Presumably bury them.

I'm with you on the nauseating bit. We once had an enormous one sneak into our house. It was honestly one of those "What the bloody hell is that?" moments.

I was sitting on the bog and something caught my eye up on the ceiling near the fan. I pulled it off the ceiling, where it left a huge reddish stain and honestly, the thing was wriggling in my hand like a live chipolata!

Unbelievable, the size - and feel - of it. I certainly felt nauseous after that.

Have we got any ads for slug bait yet?

:D


Ours went on the compost heap.

Leave 'em out in the sun, they're gone in no time.


Oh, hang on, you're in England.......

Yep, into the compost!

:D

[dafydd manton]

Not just England - we're both in Yorkshire, sunshine capital of the Western World! And it's a brave man that could pick one of those things up. I didn't mind changing nappies, but I draw the line at that!

[prendrelemick]

At our old house we used to get loads of leopard slugs in the kitchen. It was a bit damp you see.

They are the large and spotty ones, they would occasionally treat us to a mating display:ack2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtD5dxTcXm4

[dafydd manton]

Now there's a mental picture I can do without!

[Paulclem]

We tried coper tape around the pots we had. As for the beds, we just plant stuff they dont eat.

[The Atheist]

Not just England - we're both in Yorkshire, sunshine capital of the Western World!

:lol:

Of course!


We tried coper tape around the pots we had. As for the beds, we just plant stuff they dont eat.

Whichever idiot planted at this place put a load of tropical plants in one border which attracts slugs like fish does cats. I've killed the entire garden with glyphosate and they appear to have moved to more suitable areas.

I shudder to think what'd happen if I planted cabbages!

[soundofmusic]

Ah, it's tough being a woman n the midst of a bunch of brilliant bloaks: they know about slugs, the latest news, the latest sports and also can lay floor tile...well, at least everywhere except florida
Meanwhile, I had to spend 5 hours drinking slowly from my amaretto bottle and visiting with my neighbor last night in hopes that he will get his chain saw and take that bit of tree off my roof...
I offered cash; but darn it all, he wants company...


How did that happen? I ask myself. Yesterday we went looking for a car with my daughter
We came home with a packet of slug pellets and a piece of cloth. This took us all day.:confused:

No car? I always hate going car shopping; you can go in, pick out the car, give them the cash and they still aren't happy unless they stall you the whole day giving you their pitch:icon_bs:

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

At our old house we used to get loads of leopard slugs in the kitchen. It was a bit damp you see.

They are the large and spotty ones, they would occasionally treat us to a mating display:ack2:

Uh yeah...thanks for sharing that.


We tried coper tape around the pots we had. As for the beds, we just plant stuff they dont eat.


:lol:

Whichever idiot planted at this place put a load of tropical plants in one border which attracts slugs like fish does cats. I've killed the entire garden with glyphosate and they appear to have moved to more suitable areas.

I shudder to think what'd happen if I planted cabbages!

I just recalled another technique from my sainted mother. Cayenne pepper powder!
The pepper powder technique was actually used to deter squirrels from digging up flower bulbs. She would sprinkle the powder around the base of each plant and it worked.
I would imagine that slugs would feel the burn once they slimed their way across the powder.
Maybe mix it in some Drambuie? who knows what you might liquidate so to speak.

[The Atheist]

... the latest sports ...

Latest of which is the all-conquering All Blacks whipping Australia!


I just recalled another technique from my sainted mother. Cayenne pepper powder!

I like that idea!

Can slugs feel pain? I hope so!

[dafydd manton]

Round here, the slugs love a good curry. Give 'em raw chillis and ginger and they thrive on it.

NZ beat Oz? Ok good. I just Wales could beat either! Our last moment of glory was Llanelli beating the 7th All Blacks, 9:3, in the 70s, And that was all penalties!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

I like that idea!

Can slugs feel pain? I hope so!


Round here, the slugs love a good curry. Give 'em raw chillis and ginger and they thrive on it.

Of course you can always resort to the age old boyhood technique; the salt bath!
Just sprinkle some salt on the slimers and watch them melt. However, the sodium may prove to be a detrimental soil ammendment.

Gilliatt

[prendrelemick]

England won the Cricket, Webber (an Austrailian) won the Grand Prix, and New zealand won the Rugby. Will the sun ever set on the Empire?

[dafydd manton]

Have you been anywhere near Lancashire lately? Or Reading. Luton. Milton Keynes. It loks like the convicts got the best end of the deal!! "Either we'll hang you, or you can go somewhere nice and warm, where you can eke out a miserable existence thrashing everybody at just about everything. Or you can join the Navy, see the world and get some really interesting diseases, before you die of scurvy!"

[Paulclem]

England won the Cricket, Webber (an Austrailian) won the Grand Prix, and New zealand won the Rugby. Will the sun ever set on the Empire?

We knew how to do a good Empire - cultured, mutually profitable, not too much bloodshed. :smile5:

[The Atheist]

NZ beat Oz? Ok good. I just Wales could beat either! Our last moment of glory was Llanelli beating the 7th All Blacks, 9:3, in the 70s, And that was all penalties!

Yes, I recall that game well, sitting in stunned disbelief on the other side of the world. More's the pity, that day, the mad men of Munster and other famous victories of club teams over international sides will never return.

As a kid, I used to sit on soaking wet terraces screaming for Bay of Plenty or Auckland to beat whoever they were playing. I just about ruptured my throat the day BOP got within half a dozen points of the greatest touring side in history - the 1971 Lions. The game of rugby is far less for their passing.


Of course you can always resort to the age old boyhood technique; the salt bath!
Just sprinkle some salt on the slimers and watch them melt. However, the sodium may prove to be a detrimental soil ammendment.

Gilliatt

Around here, salt is no deterrent - I kid you not! I tried that one wet night - the path was covered in slugs and snails and I thought "I'll kill all you bastards right now", ran and got salt and drenched them with it. The slugs all carried on while shedding copious amounts of green slime, the snails all died. The slugs returned for salted snail breakfasts and carried on....


England won the Cricket, Webber (an Austrailian) won the Grand Prix, and New zealand won the Rugby. Will the sun ever set on the Empire?

:D


Have you been anywhere near Lancashire lately? Or Reading. Luton. Milton Keynes. It loks like the convicts got the best end of the deal!! "Either we'll hang you, or you can go somewhere nice and warm, where you can eke out a miserable existence thrashing everybody at just about everything. Or you can join the Navy, see the world and get some really interesting diseases, before you die of scurvy!"

:smilielol5:

That's so true!

Australia, the lucky country! So rich with minerals even crooks like Alan Bond made a billion dollars legally.

And England sent its convicts there.

[soundofmusic]

Latest of which is the all-conquering All Blacks whipping Australia!


And England sent its convicts there.

I like the backs on your all blacks...
They had heard the rumors though; they didn't quite expect them to inhabit the whole country..

[The Atheist]

I like the backs on your all blacks...

Speaking as a non-gay male, I have to say that the All Blacks are one of the better-looking sports teams around* - you should start following rugby!

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/dcrm.jpg

Richie McCaw, captain on the left, The other is the legendary Daniel Carter, holder of almost every record there is to hold in world rugby.

*With just the odd exception.

[Paulclem]

Which are the ugliest teams? Following the line ups last year I thught the Argentinians, with Italy a close second. Come to think of it Wales were no picture postcard.

[Scheherazade]

Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!

Do your wives know about this?

:D

[Paulclem]

Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!

Do your wives know about this?

:D

:lol:

It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.

[The Atheist]

Which are the ugliest teams? Following the line ups last year I thught the Argentinians, with Italy a close second. Come to think of it Wales were no picture postcard.

Yes, but as long as you had Gareth Thomas, you had lovely teams, boyo!

:D


Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!

Do your wives know about this?

:D

My word yes, a gentleman may appreciate another man's form, but knows when to look away!

;)


:lol:

It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.

:smilielol5:

Winger, were you?

[dafydd manton]

One thing's for sure - he wasn't a prop. I've been using 25 years of rugby as an excuse for looking like this!


:lol:

It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.

'Ere, who did you play for? I played for various clubs around the West Mids, although quite a long time ago. 1964 - 1987. (Gosh I feel old, now!)

[Paulclem]

:smilielol5:

Winger, were you?

I was - but I also played centre and stand-off. You wouldn't think it though if you met me...


:smilielol5:

Winger, were you?


'Ere, who did you play for? I played for various clubs around the West Mids, although quite a long time ago. 1964 - 1987. (Gosh I feel old, now!)

I played league for Wakefield trinity colts(79-81), Wakefield College (79-81) and Eastmoor RFC, (Wakefiled). I also played union for Sunderland Uni, but I had to give it up because of a sub-locating shoulder. A few years ago I fancied a game again. I do miss team sports.

[dafydd manton]

Ah, by that stage I was playing for RAF Gatow in Berlin.

Perhaps not the ugliest team, but the Pontypool front Row, the Viet Gwent, took some beating for looking horrific. Charlie Faulkner, Bobby Windsor, Graham Price. I had the misfortune to play against them at tight-head. Oh, the pain, the pain. Afterwards, three of the nicest, most pleasant blokes you could ever hope to meet.

[Paulclem]

Ah, by that stage I was playing for RAF Gatow in Berlin.

Perhaps not the ugliest team, but the Pontypool front Row, the Viet Gwent, took some beating for looking horrific. Charlie Faulkner, Bobby Windsor, Graham Price. I had the misfortune to play against them at tight-head. Oh, the pain, the pain. Afterwards, three of the nicest, most pleasant blokes you could ever hope to meet.

That was often the way. I met some real gents. Some were clearly in it for the violence. I once played against a team from Sheepscar who already had 9 suspended when they fielded a team. There were a few more before the end of the match too.

[dafydd manton]

Ah well, as you will remember the Pontypool front row was the Welsh front row, so I don't think we took a snigle heel, against the head or not. We lost, memory says, 77:4, when there were 4 point for a try. And that one was just somebody being nice.

[Paulclem]

Ah well, as you will remember the Pontypool front row was the Welsh front row, so I don't think we took a snigle heel, against the head or not. We lost, memory says, 77:4, when there were 4 point for a try. And that one was just somebody being nice.

I hated those kind of games. I was once in a game where we lost 100-5, and the ref called time early. There was a mix of talent available in the colleges then. The big ones had pros playing for them.

[dafydd manton]

Fortunately, the game was exclusively amateur (except for a few "deals" being mad, I've no doubt), and certainly as regards Welsh rugby, going pro was the worst thing that could have happened. However, don't get me started!!

[prendrelemick]

I played as hooker for my agricultural college. The roughest, dirtiest, ugliest team we ever played were the Beverley Police. The best mannered was a team from a young offenders prison.
We weren't much good but when up against the rival college we used to field a team of "ringers". There was a Welsh lad on the Pig Management Course, who would bring some of his mates along, These lads came from a small town with 14 rugby teams in it, they were a bit good to say the least.

If you are looking for ugly, Rugby League is in a different league.

[Paulclem]

I took a turn at hooker at St Helens when ours was out injured. I liked it except I got a terrible crick in the neck. I didn't win a ball either. Tough position, as is the front row.

I agree that Rugby League has some fantastic uglies. The result of being stiff armed.

[The Atheist]

I played as hooker for my agricultural college. The roughest, dirtiest, ugliest team we ever played were the Beverley Police. The best mannered was a team from a young offenders prison.

That's typical.

Pacific Islanders are renowned for being the dirtiest teams and Tongans the worst of the lot - headhunters to a man - yet when we played Auckland Tongans, it was the cleanest, best-mannered game I ever played in.

The real dirt always came from your closest neighbours!


We weren't much good but when up against the rival college we used to field a team of "ringers". There was a Welsh lad on the Pig Management Course, who would bring some of his mates along, These lads came from a small town with 14 rugby teams in it, they were a bit good to say the least.

When I played in the business league we had that kind of trouble. I remember one game when a team fielded two Auckland B players in it. We got killed, but I did at least have the delight of looking down on one of them where I'd dropped him when he was showing off. He thought he'd bust right through me and I dumped him on his backside right in front of his girlfriend.

We had a bit of niggle after that!


If you are looking for ugly, Rugby League is in a different league.

They're a different species, not league!

:D

[Paulclem]

All rugby players! We could form a team and co-opt some ot the other litnetters. Who do you reckon would do the job? I bet Gilliat would be up for a game.

[The Atheist]

All rugby players! We could form a team and co-opt some ot the other litnetters. Who do you reckon would do the job? I bet Gilliat would be up for a game.

Well, we have a front row already!

Mick is a hooker, Daffyd was a prop, and I played at prop after many years at lock!

We already have the speedy back, and we can co-opt a few of the young blokes to do the hard yards on the side of the scrum!

Has potential!

(I can see Scher playing halfback - she'd have us all organised in no time. :D)

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

All rugby players! We could form a team and co-opt some ot the other litnetters. Who do you reckon would do the job? I bet Gilliat would be up for a game.


Well, we have a front row already!

Mick is a hooker, Daffyd was a prop, and I played at prop after many years at lock!

We already have the speedy back, and we can co-opt a few of the young blokes to do the hard yards on the side of the scrum!

Has potential!

(I can see Scher playing halfback - she'd have us all organised in no time. :D)

I am definately up for a game!
However, I am more of a sprinter/ runner type which equates to a fragile body.
Would that make me a "winger"?.
Just toss me that fat football and I'll dodge and weave with the best of them. As long as the opponents don't catch me, I'll be OK.

Oh...and I'll need a copy of the rules.
When's the first practice?

Gilliatt

[The Atheist]

I am definately up for a game!
However, I am more of a sprinter/ runner type which equates to a fragile body.
Would that make me a "winger"?.

Yes! They stand out on the sideline and hope to be thrown the ball every now and then.


Just toss me that fat football and I'll dodge and weave with the best of them. As long as the opponents don't catch me, I'll be OK.

Oh...and I'll need a copy of the rules.
When's the first practice?

Gilliatt

The main rule is: don't get caught, so you should be fine.

Practice Thursday evenings.

[Scheherazade]

(I can see Scher playing halfback - she'd have us all organised in no time. :D)As flattered as I am to be included in guys' football line-up (had to look "halfback" up), I was hoping to be a cheerleader!

http://i.mycommentspace.com/83/8391.gif

[dafydd manton]

I'll happily play tight-head, but I warn you, I'm not as good as I used to be. Ingrowing toe-nails, three stone over the odds (and the rest), short of breath, on 11 tablets a day......but I can still recognise a Rugby ball three times out of ten. All I've got to do now is remember what to do with it.

Just a thought, but isn't a Mod's role more like that of the Full-Back? I'm sure we appreciate the offer of cheer-leader, but.......

[The Atheist]

(had to look "halfback" up)

Twice as good as quarter backs.


All I've got to do now is remember what to do with it.

That's easy - you're a prop! The thing to do with the ball is avoid it like the plague.

:D

[dafydd manton]

Oh, not at all. The average prop takes the ball, turns his back and shuffles in reverse for about 3 yards, ball clasped to his not inconsiderable chest before everybody catches him up and a ruck ensues. If he passes the ball, he uses what is called the Helicopter Pass, i.e. a rush of air and the ball goes vertically. Tactics, they call it!

[soundofmusic]

Speaking as a non-gay male, I have to say that the All Blacks are one of the better-looking sports teams around* - you should start following rugby!

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/dcrm.jpg

Richie McCaw, captain on the left, The other is the legendary Daniel Carter, holder of almost every record there is to hold in world rugby.

*With just the odd exception.
Heck, I'm joining up as the new towel girl; I'll be right behind those fellows all the way with fluffy towels and a firm pat of congrats:devil::rofl:


Which are the ugliest teams? Following the line ups last year I thught the Argentinians, with Italy a close second. Come to think of it Wales were no picture postcard.
We have plenty of the South Americans over hear; but I like a fellow that at least reaches my waist when I'm trying to give him a kiss:arf:

Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!

Do your wives know about this?

:D

Scher makes a good point, I guess we all spend more time comparing ourselves to the same gender than looking at the other; both situations, with my dates, have given me cause for concern

:lol:

It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.

I always knew that avatar was an antithesis of the real Paul...


I played as hooker for my agricultural college. The roughest, dirtiest, ugliest team we ever played were the Beverley Police. The best mannered was a team from a young offenders prison.
We weren't much good but when up against the rival college we used to field a team of "ringers". There was a Welsh lad on the Pig Management Course, who would bring some of his mates along, These lads came from a small town with 14 rugby teams in it, they were a bit good to say the least.

If you are looking for ugly, Rugby League is in a different league.

I've never played a hooker; but if the economy doesn't pick up...:nono:

[Paulclem]

We're on! I've played all the back positions - excluding scrum half - but there's nothing to it these days with the feeding. After you guys heel the ball, I'll put Scher through and she can whip it out to Gilliat swerving on the wing.

Soundof - we've already got Prends as a hooker. How do you fancy playing loose forward?

Sorted.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

"hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?

[prendrelemick]

I am definately up for a game!
However, I am more of a sprinter/ runner type which equates to a fragile body.
Would that make me a "winger"?.
Just toss me that fat football and I'll dodge and weave with the best of them. As long as the opponents don't catch me, I'll be OK.

Oh...and I'll need a copy of the rules.
When's the first practice?

Gilliatt

There are rules?


Oh, not at all. The average prop takes the ball, turns his back and shuffles in reverse for about 3 yards, ball clasped to his not inconsiderable chest before everybody catches him up and a ruck ensues. If he passes the ball, he uses what is called the Helicopter Pass, i.e. a rush of air and the ball goes vertically. Tactics, they call it!

Then there is the Prop side-step, ie. head down and straight over the fullback.


"hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?

See scrum half:smilielol5:

[The Atheist]

Heck, I'm joining up as the new towel girl; I'll be right behind those fellows all the way with fluffy towels and a firm pat of congrats:devil::rofl:

I can get you that job!


I've never played a hooker; but if the economy doesn't pick up...:nono:

I can see you at number 8, the rock at the back of the scrum.

You get to put your arms around the buttocks of the locks and then push!


We're on! I've played all the back positions - excluding scrum half - but there's nothing to it these days with the feeding.

Grrrr!

Yes indeed. Every scrum feed would have been penalised for putting the ball under the hooker's feet only 20 years ago.

Another change which isn't for the betterment of the game.


"hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?

:lol:

No, but the five-eighths, three quarters and halves are always a bit suspect.

[dafydd manton]

Ah, the three-quarters - gelled hair and creases in their nice clean shorts!

[prendrelemick]

Rugby League seems to attract backs that think they are forwards, Particularly the fullbacks, they are always trying to take it to the opposition forwards, there is hardly a straight nose among them.

[dafydd manton]

That's very true. I was just thinking, if those who don't understand the terminology of Rugby are confused, how much more so would they be if we were trying to organise a cricket team. Two short legs, silly point, maidens and the bowling thereof over, googlies, the chinaman, the wrong 'un, the list is endless. There'd be ventricles popping all over the place!

[prendrelemick]

That's what happens if a game is allowed to grow and develop over many years, rather than invented - Now with the 20/20 format Cricket has gone into reverse and is becoming unnatural.

[dafydd manton]

Not a big fan of 20/20, myself. I'm not particularly keen on the "odd" strokes you see being played, most of which look faintly silly and are less than effective, and anyway, the big thing with cricket is the tactics, the planning, the skill in using players at the right place and time, the tactical bowling changes. 20/20 has hardly any of that. 20/20 is to proper cricket what draughts is to chess.

I'm starting to sound like my grandad, now!

[The Atheist]

Ah, the three-quarters - gelled hair and creases in their nice clean shorts!

Not to mention turning blue because he dropped the ball in the first five minutes, then never getting it again for the next 75 minutes!

:smilielol5:


Rugby League seems to attract backs that think they are forwards, Particularly the fullbacks, they are always trying to take it to the opposition forwards, there is hardly a straight nose among them.

Backs and forwards are largely interchangeable in league. How John Gallagher thought he'd ever make it in that game amazes me.


20/20 is to proper cricket what draughts is to chess.

Perfect analogy!

[soundofmusic]

We're on! I've played all the back positions - excluding scrum half - but there's nothing to it these days with the feeding. After you guys heel the ball, I'll put Scher through and she can whip it out to Gilliat swerving on the wing.
Soundof - we've already got Prends as a hooker. How do you fancy playing loose forward?
Sorted.

I'm sure if Scher can whip it and Prends can be a hooker; I can learn to be loose and forward

"hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?

That's after game play..

There are rules?

Then there is the Prop side-step, ie. head down and straight over the fullback.

See scrum half:smilielol5:

Yeah, I think the first rule is to let the towel girl, Sounds, hold your wallet...


I can get you that job!



I can see you at number 8, the rock at the back of the scrum.

You get to put your arms around the buttocks of the locks and then push!



Grrrr!


Ah, yes, I said I'd never chase another man; but that was before they told me about the UK, the Aussies and NZ

Ah, the three-quarters - gelled hair and creases in their nice clean shorts!
Yeah, how do they do that; our guys look like half trained toddlers at halftime...

[The Atheist]

I'm sure if Scher can whip it and Prends can be a hooker; I can learn to be loose and forward

:smilielol5:

You're a bad woman!



Yeah, how do they do that; our guys look like half trained toddlers at halftime...

Rugby's always had a bit of class - it's the upper-class game in England, while "football" is played by the peasants.

A great example is the English fullback a century ago who used to stand, smoking, under the goalposts until the play started coming hiw way, whereupon he'd leap into the fray.

Or the Russian Prince who beat the All Blacks almost single-handedly. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/rugbyunion/international/england/2349459/The-day-a-Russian-prince-in-an-England-shirt-beat-the-All-Blacks.html)

[prendrelemick]

I'm sure if Scher can whip it and Prends can be a hooker; I can learn to be loose and forward


.

Learn???:smilewinkgrin:

[dafydd manton]

Sounds, don't just include blanket cover for the UK - be selective - look for the ones in red shirts, with three feathers on the front! (That'll raise a storm!)

[The Atheist]

Sounds, don't just include blanket cover for the UK - be selective - look for the ones in red shirts, with three feathers on the front! (That'll raise a storm!)

The Prince of Wales feathers.

Aren't you just the tiniest bit embarrassed?

:D

[dafydd manton]

More often than not, mortified, frankly, but hope springs eternal!

[Paulclem]

Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time.

You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...

[dafydd manton]

Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet. (To be fair, I've written two columns today, so I can afford to be complacent!)

Nice holiday venue?

[Paulclem]

Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet. (To be fair, I've written two columns today, so I can afford to be complacent!)

Nice holiday venue?

When I say on holiday I mean at home not working on hoiday. The lad's off to uni this year so there'll be no more hols for...ever probably.

We'll be doing the new half allotment a lot and visiting Oxford where the lad's off to - the other Oxford uni that is.

Who do you write columns for?

Isn't it cooler out here away from the hell threads? :D

[dafydd manton]

Well, it's not full of people trying to make a name for themselves, or getting serious over trivia, certainly!

[The Atheist]

Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time.

Yes indeed, come to the Club for a pink gin, then back into the fray!


You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...

Holiday? I wish.

I'm able to post while I wait for people to ask me if they can have a job. Unfortunately, most of them only take 10 seconds to figure out that the answer's "NO!"


Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet.

Sounds just like me!

[dafydd manton]

We lazy, skiving ratbags must stick together. Do I get the job?

[The Atheist]

Honesty should be rewarded.

Hired!

[dafydd manton]

Does that mean I have to call you "Boss", now, or shall I stick with "Sir", as usual.

[jocky]

Does that mean I have to call you "Boss", now, or shall I stick with "Sir", as usual.

No way, only Parker deseves the title of Boss, Sir is reserved for me, Mick is known as Squire, Soundo..... Floridian flesh, Daffyd Manton, na na na, na na na na or Brylcream Boy and Paulcelm , pupil whacker. Not forgetting Gilliatt Gurgle, and the irreplacable Gbrekken . As you know I have been having a minor problem with the moderators but it is sorted now, all I had to do was repeat three of Shakespeare's soliliquays. Simples , Tommorow and Tomorrow and Tommorow. My death notice wil be reported in the morning. :)

[prendrelemick]

Alas, my only connection with the Squire was dining on pheasant at his expence, but that was a long time ago.

In view of your impending demise Jocky, have you a suitable epitaph prepared, or shall I do you one?

[The Atheist]

Does that mean I have to call you "Boss", now, or shall I stick with "Sir", as usual.

Just an aside on that one, I never, ever - except in jest - use titles. Not Mr. Mrs. Sir or Lord.

If I met the queen, like Paul Keating, I'd be immediately guilty of lese majeste, because I'd say, "G'day Lizzie, how are the dogs?"

Only a couple of times in my life have I met people who wanted to me to refer to them as "Mr. ......."

Didn't end well.

:D


No way, only Parker deseves the title of Boss, Sir is reserved for me,

I'm not sure whether you're belittling your own achievements here; surely you were not jesting the time you told us your real name was Baron Jocky of Glasgow?


I have been having a minor problem with the moderators ...

Just remember that old saying, "Everything is good in moderation."

;)

[dafydd manton]

Remember that Monty Python sketch? "Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, Yer Madge," he said, and she smiled sweetly!

[prendrelemick]

Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time.

You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...

Between showers I've been shearing sheep. Oddly, with the current price of wool its me who's getting fleeced though..

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...My death notice wil be reported in the morning.


...In view of your impending demise Jocky, have you a suitable epitaph prepared, or shall I do you one?


..."Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, ...

Jocky,

I have no idea what this is about and perhaps it’s best I don’t know.
If the end is inevitable, then perhaps that epitaph could include something from the “Dreary Beery” :

…A Papal bull arrives from Rome
yoked with a solemn decree.
A pile of coals shall tickle your soles
born of burnt oak and hickory…


http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/ae114/tabuka1/For%20the%20Sonata/IMG_1361.jpg

http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/ae114/tabuka1/For%20the%20Sonata/IMG_1367.jpg

"Sing me Back Home"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN5d4...eature=related

---------------

Oh, by the way, did you blokes end up practicing this past Thursday?
Sorry I missed it. I got caught up in the traffic.


.

[prendrelemick]

By the way Atheist, I met a countryman of yours the other day. A manufacturor of Post knockers came to see us use one of his machines. A very practical man, he'd been to China to recruit welders as all the kiwis go to Australia as soon as they are trained.

[jocky]

In view of your impending demise Jocky, have you a suitable epitaph prepared, or shall I do you one?

Since you mentioned it, I was thinking on the lines of " Alas poor old misunderstood Jocky... " on reflection I will leave it to you Mick, but remember this, you will miss me when I am gone and premature reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. :)

[The Atheist]

Between showers I've been shearing sheep. Oddly, with the current price of wool its me who's getting fleeced though..

You aiming for "world's cleanest shepherd"?



Oh, by the way, did you blokes end up practicing this past Thursday?
Sorry I missed it. I got caught up in the traffic.

Yes we did.

After some practice, we were able to down pints of Guinness in less than 10 seconds.


By the way Atheist, I met a countryman of yours the other day. A manufacturor of Post knockers came to see us use one of his machines. A very practical man, he'd been to China to recruit welders as all the kiwis go to Australia as soon as they are trained.

Grrr. Sad, but true. The mineral wealth of Aussie gives us no chance.

[Paulclem]

Between showers I've been shearing sheep. Oddly, with the current price of wool its me who's getting fleeced though..

A busy time for you. Are you following the Challenge cup? I've been completely out of Rugby League.

[prendrelemick]

does a bear evacuate in the woods

[dafydd manton]

Remember those happy days when there was inter-code snobbery, and men like Jonathan Davies received death threats for "defecting" to *whispers furtively* The North? And how silly it all was?

[Paulclem]

It was very silly, but here in England reflectd the class system. All the posh schools played Union, and all the comprehensives played league, and never the twain met.

It makes you wonder why they bothered now.

[Paulclem]

does a bear evacuate in the woods

They might. There's always the field option.:lol:

[dafydd manton]

So long as it wasn't the Rugby Field, old chap. Dashed poor show, what?

[The Atheist]

Remember those happy days when there was inter-code snobbery, and men like Jonathan Davies received death threats for "defecting" to *whispers furtively* The North? And how silly it all was?

Ah, those were the days - you could start a pub brawl here by going to the wrong pub in a rugby jersey.


It was very silly, but here in England reflectd the class system. All the posh schools played Union, and all the comprehensives played league, and never the twain met.

It makes you wonder why they bothered now.

I'm not sure why there was the same vehemence here, but there surely was.

No schools at all played league until around the late 1980s, and the rare convert was seen as a traitor.

There was a huge furore when All Black fullback Joe Karam defected to league in the mid-'70s.

[dafydd manton]

We had a teacher at school sacked for teaching us the rudiments of League - once, for about 20 minutes. Somebody's Daddy complained, and heads rolled.

[Paulclem]

The union assumption was that you could give up your time and train an play for a competitive club without being paid. The miners on shifts couldn't manage that, and broke from the union.

The game is better for going pro finally.

[The Atheist]

The union assumption was that you could give up your time and train an play for a competitive club without being paid. The miners on shifts couldn't manage that, and broke from the union.

The game is better for going pro finally.

It's taken years for it to happen, and there are still some teething troubles.

I think the problem was exacrebated by there being a long period of "shamateurism" before the collcetive unions saw the light. Even then, had it not been for Josh Kronfeld and a few others, the game may have been broken into two parts.

Ownership of the game is a different story, however....

Too hard, I'll get Parker to bring me a Scotch Earl Grey!

:D

[prendrelemick]

Alas poor misunderstood Jocky,
His path was steep and rocky.
An excess of Moderation his doom
(I bet he'll be back soon)

[dafydd manton]

Oh, think of all the money I could have earned, the kudos, the fame. Just think, right now I could be at Chateau Le Atheist. having Brandy Alexanders served by Parker, and being on the wrong end of some serious fawning!

[The Atheist]

...An excess of Moderation his doom...

Magnificent poetry, but that line really stands out.

:lol:

[soundofmusic]

:smilielol5:

You're a bad woman!
Rugby's always had a bit of class - it's the upper-class game in England, while "football" is played by the peasants.

A great example is the English fullback a century ago who used to stand, smoking, under the goalposts until the play started coming hiw way, whereupon he'd leap into the fray.


Guys, do you think this naughty woman ought to send Atheist a little :ciappa: back shot he can replace that pitiful avatar with...
Now as some of the royal family would tell you; never put down "playing with a peasant" until you've tried it:smilielol5:

Learn???:smilewinkgrin:
:thumbsup: Now don't tell them any of the good parts I'm saving for my autobiography


Sounds, don't just include blanket cover for the UK - be selective - look for the ones in red shirts, with three feathers on the front! (That'll raise a storm!)

You'll have to tell me more daf...are they cute too; I want to make sure that whatever I kiss from the UK doesn't have that prince charles look


Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time.

You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...

Well, I just spent 3 days working on a case with a woman who stabbed one of the nurses; and I am about to go into the home of a fellow who yelled at me when he found out I wasn't coming for 12 hours...god, to have been born wealthy:banghead:

[The Atheist]

...god, to have been born wealthy:banghead:

I always told my mum that I was destined to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

If only...

[The Atheist]

Ah, spring is sprung down here - daisies growing, lambs baa-ing, sun shining.

God I love global warming!

[dafydd manton]

But think about the penguins!!! I'll bet that when you look out of your window, you don't see a single penguin!! Or a polar bear. See, that proves it!

[prendrelemick]

yes, its raining here and all is well with the world.:rolleyes5:

[dafydd manton]

From where I live, if you can see the hllls of the Peak District, it's going to rain. If you can't, it's already raining! Not that anybody's seen a sheep around here for years - they tend to end up on a stick in the local kebab-house or Tandoori. Along, rumour has it, with alsatians, poodles, cats, rats........... We don't have many take-aways, these days!

[The Atheist]

But think about the penguins!!! I'll bet that when you look out of your window, you don't see a single penguin!! Or a polar bear. See, that proves it!

You're right - polar bears have completely disappeared from Antarctica!


yes, its raining here and all is well with the world.:rolleyes5:

Doesn't it always?

:D

[dafydd manton]

You're right - polar bears have completely disappeared from Antarctica!



Doesn't it always?

:D

The Polar Bears have disappeared from antartica? Gad! Quick. TELL someone - this is a tragedy. We might have to double up on penguins, or paint grizzlies white!! This is all the proof we need - WE'RE ALL DOOMED!

:out:

[prendrelemick]

Somebody should do something.

In the mean time there's always the pub

[dafydd manton]

Aye, that'll do. Mine's a pint of bitter, please. (What brews have you got up there?)

[The Atheist]

The Polar Bears have disappeared from antartica? Gad! Quick. TELL someone - this is a tragedy. We might have to double up on penguins, or paint grizzlies white!! This is all the proof we need - WE'RE ALL DOOMED!

:out:

Ah, but I have a cunning plan!

With the lack of polar bears, penguins will breed without limit. We're going to tie penguins together and bleach them so the look like polar bears!

This will please the tourists and tree-huggers, and will also help keep the numbers of penguins down to manageable levels.


Somebody should do something.

In the mean time there's always the pub

The pub?

You're in an establishment with 342 different types of beer, 18,000 bottles of wine in the cellar and the only bottles in existence of 18 types of scotch whisky and you want to go to the pub?

Philistine!

Or do I mean Phyllis Diller?

[dafydd manton]

One likes to associate with the hoi-polloi, old boy. Keeps one in touch, don't you know. Least a feller can do, eh? Buy the peasants a small one, that sort of thing. Noblesse oblige, old man, noblesse oblige. Quite.

[prendrelemick]

One word - Pork scratchings, oh thats two, see what happens when you frequent The Blue Pig.

[The Atheist]

Here's one for you - being Pommies and all.

We have always watched Who Wants to be a Millionaire? - both the UK and Australian versions. (The NZ one only lasted a couple of months - bit expensive!)

Are all Poms broke?

The Aussies would never take away a small payout, always having a crack, even if they didn't know the answer. Poms, on the other hand, will take away a lousy two grand!

Surprisingly, if anyone does have a decent crack, it's usually a woman!

What the hell's going on over there? Has someone been putting bromide in the tea?

[dafydd manton]

Two grand???? That much??? Rich beyond the dreams of Cresosote! Gad, I could live for years on that, and still have enough for a packet of Pork Scratchings with Mick!

Pass me another mouldy crust and a jam-jar of brackish water.

[The Atheist]

Two grand???? That much??? Rich beyond the dreams of Cresosote! Gad, I could live for years on that, and still have enough for a packet of Pork Scratchings with Mick!

Pass me another mouldy crust and a jam-jar of brackish water.

I won $8000 on Sale of the Century some years ago! I must admit, it seemed plenty at the time, although I was gutted it wasn't more. If you know the game, I lost the second night by $6 after having spent $20 buying stuff. The woman [aaaarrrggh!!11!] who beat me utterly cleaned up and took the lot.

:cryin:

Impetuous, as always!

:smilielol5:

[dafydd manton]

Women!! I bought myself an iPod last year, then earlier this year I bought an iPhone. The wife started whingeing about the new toys, so I bought her an iRon. She's still not talking to me.

[Hawkman]

I'd call that a result!

[dafydd manton]

Isay, I say, I say.......

I got a Jaguar for the wife.

Sounds like a good swap!

[The Atheist]

Isay, I say, I say.......

I got a Jaguar for the wife.

Sounds like a good swap!

As long as it wasn't the same vintage.

;)

[dafydd manton]

They didn't make cars, then!

[Paulclem]

I get the impression that pubs are dying a death here in the UK. It's a good job we've got the jolly club going.

My lad and his mates don't go much, and the last one i was in was full of men much older than myself sporting veiny noses and a pint of electric froth. (We had a work meal there). Lots are closing round here. They can't cater for the youth of today and get them interested in a 10 pint habit. Food and Sky Sports seem to be the saving grace of some of them.

[The Atheist]

They didn't make cars, then!

:smilielol5:


I get the impression that pubs are dying a death here in the UK. It's a good job we've got the jolly club going.

Crikey, I wish that was the case here!

We've just gone from a few emormous pubs to millions of little ones!

[prendrelemick]

Yep, the local pub culture in this fair land is finished.

The exceptions are, the town centre mega-pub chains, with loud music, happy hours, mass produced menus, karioke and all that. Or the country gastro pub, with overpriced small portions of poncy named fare.

They are places full of strangers. Its the local that is disappearing from the village or street corner. Its not the fault of cheap supermarket beer or drink driving laws or the smoking ban, no matter what they do they can't fight the demographics, people simply don't use them anymore.

[dafydd manton]

There are few good pubs, but certainly not in the towns, only out in the villages. Gone are the days where the pub was a social centre, now it's where people who can't put their mobile phones down gather, to let their horrible little brats run loose, and you can consume micro-waved "Good Food". (Sez Who).

Fortunately, there is still one near here that has no gaming machines, no music, kids are not allowed, it has a fantastic range of single-malt Scotches, and which I am not going to be fool enough to advertise.

[Paulclem]

Yep, the local pub culture in this fair land is finished.

The exceptions are, the town centre mega-pub chains, with loud music, happy hours, mass produced menus, karioke and all that. Or the country gastro pub, with overpriced small portions of poncy named fare.

They are places full of strangers. Its the local that is disappearing from the village or street corner. Its not the fault of cheap supermarket beer or drink driving laws or the smoking ban, no matter what they do they can't fight the demographics, people simply don't use them anymore.

Agreed. Loads have shut round here. They've got to try something different - online games nights with a beer perhaps. A couple of shots and a shoot em up perhaps.

[dafydd manton]

Or the dreaded Karaoke.........!!

[The Atheist]

Have they started playing that children's poker one night a week to get punters along?

Texas Stick "em Up. (aka the worst, dumbest card game ever invented)

[dafydd manton]

No, in some pubs in Sheffield, when they say "Stick 'em up", they really mean it. There's one place here on a really rough estate called The Manor which has what is reputed to be the roughest pub in Britain, which is saying something. The bar has bars, like a prison cell, and the beer is served in plastic containers, to cut down on weaponry. This is all hearsay, I wouldn't go within a mile of it!

[The Atheist]

Sounds like a nice spot!

Perhaps we should buy this one:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-10942316

[andrewoberg]

You have karaoke in pubs? Here it's all done in little private rooms, the only people subjected to your banshee screams are the people foolish enough to have gone with you.

[prendrelemick]

Banshee screams!! Sounds like quiz night at the Blue Pig, people can get very emotional over the "interpretational aspect" when marking a rival teams answer paper.

[The Atheist]

Ok chaps!

As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth and as always, if we don't want it to be a damp squib, TBC will have to make sure it goes off with a bang!

(No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

Piece of cake!

Make it a surprise on the day and post pics!

Was there a second?

[dafydd manton]

Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.

[soundofmusic]

Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet. (To be fair, I've written two columns today, so I can afford to be complacent!)

Nice holiday venue?

I'm proud of my nature as a laxy, skving ratbag; but recently the bills are coming due faster, the car is smoking and the wood is falling off the underside of the roof. :(


When I say on holiday I mean at home not working on hoiday. The lad's off to uni this year so there'll be no more hols for...ever probably.

We'll be doing the new half allotment a lot and visiting Oxford where the lad's off to - the other Oxford uni that is.


Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?




I'm able to post while I wait for people to ask me if they can have a job. Unfortunately, most of them only take 10 seconds to figure out that the answer's "NO!"


I thought you made money putting people to work; what is this?



No way, only Parker deseves the title of Boss, Sir is reserved for me, Mick is known as Squire, Soundo..... Floridian flesh, Daffyd Manton, na na na, na na na na or Brylcream Boy and Paulcelm , pupil whacker. Not forgetting Gilliatt Gurgle, and the irreplacable Gbrekken . As you know I have been having a minor problem with the moderators but it is sorted now, all I had to do was repeat three of Shakespeare's soliliquays. Simples , Tommorow and Tomorrow and Tommorow. My death notice wil be reported in the morning. :)

Floridian Flesh, I like it, makes me sound sexy...
Well, we miss you when you're gone; so keep doing that Shakespeare:thumbsup:


Alas poor misunderstood Jocky,
His path was steep and rocky.
An excess of Moderation his doom
(I bet he'll be back soon)

Brilliant, you're a poet and you know it.


I always told my mum that I was destined to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

If only...

Well, I guess fate decided to give you a blonde on both arms instead of the spoon.



.

Ah, to be at the pub in old England town listening to their politics intead of this constant talk of immigrants...are you hearing the constant rattle too, Gilliatt?


Women!! I bought myself an iPod last year, then earlier this year I bought an iPhone. The wife started whingeing about the new toys, so I bought her an iRon. She's still not talking to me.

I don't know why the girls like so many buttons; I like my technology the way I like my men: simple:iamwithstupid::iamwithstupid:


Isay, I say, I say.......

I got a Jaguar for the wife.

Sounds like a good swap!

Will you marry me dafydd, I guess I might be able to handle an intellectual husband who came bearing a jaguar:ladysman:


You have karaoke in pubs? Here it's all done in little private rooms, the only people subjected to your banshee screams are the people foolish enough to have gone with you.

The karaoke bars are dying here to; but the topless bars no matter what the economy.

[jocky]

On the subject of bars my son, young Jocky, has recently been promoted to manager of one of those new fangled establishments. Apparently one can only gain entry If you have a modicum of hair, are extremely good looking and have a full wallet. When I warmly congratulated him on his elevation he gave me a steely look and uttered the immmortal words; " Your barred, and that goes for Ma as well. " I am thinking of opening my own establishment, the ' Curmudgeons Arms '. You are all welcome as you have the proper credentials. It was never like that in my day. :)

[Paulclem]

Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?

They do scholarships yes.

As for the other Oxford - I meant that Oxford has two Universities - The famous posh Oxford, and the other one which the lad will hopefully be going to.

The Curmudgeon's Arms - good name. Will it be an internet pub? You need to offer a little more these days if it is to survive. It could be a Surf and Slurp establishment.

[jocky]

Last Sunday I was sitting on the sofa with my feet on the coffee table looking forward to watching the Charity Shield. Suddenly Mrs Jocky burst into the living room.... " Jocky get the car oot of the garage we are going shopping and remember the Bank card. " Oh no, I wiped the sweat off my forehead and did as ordered. Our first stop was the hat shop. Mrs J, why do you need four hats? " Don't be so bloody stupid, they will go with the four new outfits and four pairs of shoes I need. " :(

[jocky]

They do scholarships yes.

As for the other Oxford - I meant that Oxford has two Universities - The famous posh Oxford, and the other one which the lad will hopefully be going to.

The Curmudgeon's Arms - good name. Will it be an internet pub? You need to offer a little more these days if it is to survive. It could be a Surf and Slurp establishment.

Good on your son Paul, Cambridge could put him on the wrong direction, if you get my drift.

No, I was thinking more on the lines of Suppers and Strippers :)

[Paulclem]

Good on your son Paul, Cambridge could put him on the wrong direction, if you get my drift.

No, I was thinking more on the lines of Suppers and Slappers. :)

Cheers Jocky. :lol:

We'll see...

[jocky]

Alas poor misunderstood Jocky,
His path was steep and rocky.
An excess of Moderation his doom
(I bet he'll be back soon)

:)

Old farmer Mick can turn a rhyme,
If I had my way he would be doing time.
I have been Moderated, that's for sure,
but self preservation has made me pure.
Now I am back on the straight and narrow,
Mrs Jocky is pissed can I borrow your barrow?

Alliteration in its finest form. :)

[The Atheist]

Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.

Well, that's one!

:lol:



I thought you made money putting people to work; what is this?

The trick is finding ones good enough to actually do a job.


I am thinking of opening my own establishment, the ' Curmudgeons Arms '.

Sounds just right!

[jocky]

Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.

Daffyd, I am not having a go as you are clearly a brylcream boy, and not even the possibilty of you being WELSH disturbs me, but the use of the term abeyance, points me in the direction of you being a historian. It is not a commonly used word. Enlighten me. :)

[Paulclem]

Ok chaps!

As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth and as always, if we don't want it to be a damp squib, TBC will have to make sure it goes off with a bang!

(No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

Piece of cake!

Make it a surprise on the day and post pics!

Was there a second?

Count me in. Millionth what?

[dafydd manton]

No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words I learned on my Russian course, at that point in my life when I was smothered with Brylcreem. I can't remember what the heck the Russki word was, now, but then since I've forgotten most of it, that's no surprise. As for a historian, I wrote a piece yesterday for one of the mags that is misguided enough to print my stuff, which was a Roman soldier's letter home to his Mum. Does that count?

Personally, I feel that The Curmudgeons Arms is the perfect name. Having done a few books on pub signs, I shall have to put on my Thinking Head and come up with something. The "After" picture on the front page of my website is probably appropriate - as well as handsome!!!! :thumbsup:

[prendrelemick]

As it happens, My buisness model is based on putting things in abeyance and leaving them there.

[dafydd manton]

Would that be the new, corrugated iron abeyance, with electric light?

[prendrelemick]

The electric light was going in later, but I never got round to it.

[dafydd manton]

Sounds like your business practices and mine are based on the same model!

[prendrelemick]

:)

Old farmer Mick can turn a rhyme,
If I had my way he would be doing time.
I have been Moderated, that's for sure,
but self preservation has made me pure.
Now I am back on the straight and narrow,
Mrs Jocky is pissed can I borrow your barrow?

Alliteration in its finest form. :)


You can borrow my narrow barrow
when I've consulted the Tarot.


(and emptied it of carrot)???

[The Atheist]

Count me in. Millionth what?

Posts.

We're at 920,000 odd, and with jocky posting at the moment, it should only take a couple of days to knowck the rest off!


You can borrow my narrow barrow
when I've consulted the Tarot.


(and emptied it of carrot)???

:lol:

Creative!

[Paulclem]

Posts.

We're at 920,000 odd, and with jocky posting at the moment, it should only take a couple of days to knowck the rest off!



Duhhhhhh.

I see it now. A hefty thread.

[jocky]

No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words I learned on my Russian course, at that point in my life when I was smothered with Brylcreem. I can't remember what the heck the Russki word was, now, but then since I've forgotten most of it, that's no surprise. As for a historian, I wrote a piece yesterday for one of the mags that is misguided enough to print my stuff, which was a Roman soldier's letter home to his Mum. Does that count?

Personally, I feel that The Curmudgeons Arms is the perfect name. Having done a few books on pub signs, I shall have to put on my Thinking Head and come up with something. The "After" picture on the front page of my website is probably appropriate - as well as handsome!!!! :thumbsup:

Aye, this is all very well but we have still not established if you are Welsh. You are clearly on about one of the Vinderlander tablets, personally I prefer the Vindaloo with a side dish of a bucket of lager. Life has always been tough on the frontier up Shropshire way. :)


You can borrow my narrow barrow
when I've consulted the Tarot.


(and emptied it of carrot)???

:)

Genius never goes unrecognised in the Blokes Thread, but in this case it will. Any poet worth his salt can make hay with carrot but turnip has always been problematical. :)


Duhhhhhh.

I see it now. A hefty thread.

I should be able to knowck off 800,000 posts in no time. :)

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Ah, to be at the pub in old England town listening to their politics intead of this constant talk of immigrants...are you hearing the constant rattle too, Gilliatt?


Not as of late, having been exiled north of the Mason Dixon for the next few months. “Land of Lincoln…who are they kidding?...more like the land of Orville Redinbacher!
I’ve never seen so much corn in my life! Why, I’ve got corn up to my ears!


No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words...

Personally, I feel that The Curmudgeons Arms is the perfect name. Having done a few books on pub signs, I shall have to put on my Thinking Head and come up with something.


As it happens...in abeyance and leaving them there.

Also quote Atheist :

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

end Atheist's quote

-------------------------
response
My grandmother always had a hankerin for drambuie, she’d always keep a bottle tucked under the edge of her mattress. Each time she'd knock one down, us grandkids would get the emty bottles to play with. I remember the sweet aroma wafting up from those bottles.

I kept one of her old Drambuie crates made of honest to goodness wood!
I’d be happy to donate it to the cause, you know for tot’n adult beverages around.

Keep me informed.

Gilliatt

[The Atheist]

:)

Genius never goes unrecognised in the Blokes Thread, but in this case it will. Any poet worth his salt can make hay with carrot but turnip has always been problematical. :)

You know that's the sole reason Australia invented the bunyip?

Can't rhyme "turnip" mate?

We'll make up a new word for ya!

Always practical, Australians.


Not as of late, having been exiled north of the Mason Dixon for the next few months. “Land of Lincoln…who are they kidding?...more like the land of Orville Redinbacher!
I’ve never seen so much corn in my life! Why, I’ve got corn up to my ears!

Excellent metaphor!

Your metaphors, jocky's alliteration, Mick's rhymes... we have a bloody poetry group!



I kept one of her old Drambuie crates made of honest to goodness wood!
I’d be happy to donate it to the cause, you know for tot’n adult beverages around.

Keep me informed.

Gilliatt

How big is it?

Can we squeeze Mrs Jocky in it and send her to Boston?

[prendrelemick]

If a rhyme can't be found, one can usually be contrived .

She had a 'ead the shape of a turnip
And a child that was clasped to 'ur 'ip.

or

If a rhyme with turnip, you need
relax and substitute swede.


Gilliatt: couldn't they just share the horses.

[soundofmusic]

Ok chaps!

As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth

(No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

Piece of cake!

Make it a surprise on the day and post pics!

Was there a second?

Why do I never notice these little rows until someone is put in the stocks:thumbsup:
Tell Parker to leave the Vodka and Whiskey for the men; I'll take a girls drink...something with pinapple or a cherry in it...
The idea with me and the blacks doing a dance sounds good too:hurray::hurray:


Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?

They do scholarships yes.

As for the other Oxford - I meant that Oxford has two Universities - The famous posh Oxford, and the other one which the lad will hopefully be going to.


Congrats to young Paul; I hope he's half the great man his dad is.
Does the other Oxford have internet degrees for Americans; we Americans are so impressed with words like Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and Rhodes...I thought I might run against Sarah in 2012...I've adopted a baby and bought the perfect outfit. :thumbsup:


Last Sunday I was sitting on the sofa with my feet on the coffee table looking forward to watching the Charity Shield. Suddenly Mrs Jocky burst into the living room.... " Jocky get the car oot of the garage we are going shopping and remember the Bank card. " Oh no, I wiped the sweat off my forehead and did as ordered. Our first stop was the hat shop. Mrs J, why do you need four hats? " Don't be so bloody stupid, they will go with the four new outfits and four pairs of shoes I need. " :(

Mrs J sounds like a lady after my own heart; I like a pair of shoes and a bag to match each outfit; though lately, everything has to go with my Nikes.

Curmudgeon Arms, I like it.
If you get a pole, I can do my little dances in my cheerleader outfit and I hear the mods will bring the highbrows in with poetry contests and starbucks coffee...


No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words I learned on my Russian course, at that point in my life when I was smothered with Brylcreem. I can't remember what the heck the Russki word was, now, but then since I've forgotten most of it, that's no surprise. As for a historian, I wrote a piece yesterday for one of the mags that is misguided enough to print my stuff, which was a Roman soldier's letter home to his Mum. Does that count?


Brylcream, a little dab will do you...does that take me back...back to the days when mothers had to scrub the collars of those starched white shirts to get the grease out and a girl didn't dare run her hands through a fellows hair.


As it happens, My buisness model is based on putting things in abeyance and leaving them there.

Sounds like my whole life:thumbsup:


Not as of late, having been exiled north of the Mason Dixon for the next few months. “Land of Lincoln…who are they kidding?...more like the land of Orville Redinbacher!
I’ve never seen so much corn in my life! Why, I’ve got corn up to my ears!

Hey, don't be hating on Orville; have you ever had his carmel corn...better than spending the night with Atheists harem:drool5:




Also quote Atheist :

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

end Atheist's quote

-------------------------
response
My grandmother always had a hankerin for drambuie, she’d always keep a bottle tucked under the edge of her mattress. Each time she'd knock one down, us grandkids would get the emty bottles to play with. I remember the sweet aroma wafting up from those bottles.

I kept one of her old Drambuie crates made of honest to goodness wood!
I’d be happy to donate it to the cause, you know for tot’n adult beverages around.

Keep me informed.

Gilliatt

[dafydd manton]

Jocky - Thou asketh if I am Welsh. Look, this is strictly between thee and me, so don't whatever you do tell anyone else - they'd spread it all over Litnet, but I am of distant Welsh ancestry, but in my case it was so distant, I was born in Sahf Landan, in the glorious district of Lewisham. However, going back far enough in history, our family, being somewhat upper class, provided hewers of wood, drawers of water and suppliers of "night entertainment" to the gentry. I can't help but wonder - what on earth made you think that I wasn't German, say, or Latvian? However, one's genealogy has left me with a taste for Felin Foel bitter, and Penderyn whisky. Well, any whisky, actually, but then, you and Mrs J would know more about that than me. Did you ever get her out of the barrow?

[prendrelemick]

I have a Welsh Granny, and a Swiss Great Grandad, which explains why I feel the urge to yodel the chorus of "Feed me o thy Great Redeemer". Blood will out.

[dafydd manton]

Mongrels all!! And some idiot will always talk about "racial purity".

[Paulclem]

Irish, Northern England and Bedfordshire. Sailors, cow herders, miners. My wife has done a bit of research and confirmed her assumptions about my ancestry. This little boy is made of tar, pats and coal. I've risen far to the heights of an average income.

[Paulclem]

Congrats to young Paul; I hope he's half the great man his dad is.
Does the other Oxford have internet degrees for Americans; we Americans are so impressed with words like Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and Rhodes...I thought I might run against Sarah in 2012...I've adopted a baby and bought the perfect outfit. :thumbsup:



He gets his results on Thursday. Fingers crossed. Due to my predilection for jokes and being embarrassing, he does think I'm an idiot. I may start to introduce myself as his "Idiot Father".

Thanks you for your wishes.

[The Atheist]

I have a Welsh Granny, and a Swiss Great Grandad, which explains why I feel the urge to yodel the chorus of "Feed me o thy Great Redeemer". Blood will out.

:lol:

Or eat Swiss cheese Welsh rarebit!


Mongrels all!! And some idiot will always talk about "racial purity".

Hey, I'm one of those - my race is pure mongrel!

What, with the Mediterannean French influence from my paternal grandmother, 1000 years in the poor house from my paternal grandfather, Jewish on the maternal grandfather's side and pure white blonde/blue eyed Saxony from the mother's mother, I couldn't be more Euromongrel if you tried!


Tell Parker to leave the Vodka and Whiskey for the men; I'll take a girls drink...something with pinapple or a cherry in it...


Beer with pineapple... hmmm.

Also, we may need to shelve the party plans for a while - it looks as though it will take us a year to get there!

I'll resurrect the thread in six months or so.

No matter, it'll give more time for the wine to age properly! I think we might have a special vintage bottle laid for the occasion!

[dafydd manton]

I shall take my duties of sampling wines for suitability very seriously. Call me at the crack of noon.

[The Atheist]

I shall take my duties of sampling wines for suitability very seriously. Call me at the crack of noon.

The crack of noon or the Crack of Doom, was that?

[jocky]

Jocky - Thou asketh if I am Welsh. Look, this is strictly between thee and me, so don't whatever you do tell anyone else - they'd spread it all over Litnet, but I am of distant Welsh ancestry, but in my case it was so distant, I was born in Sahf Landan, in the glorious district of Lewisham. However, going back far enough in history, our family, being somewhat upper class, provided hewers of wood, drawers of water and suppliers of "night entertainment" to the gentry. I can't help but wonder - what on earth made you think that I wasn't German, say, or Latvian? However, one's genealogy has left me with a taste for Felin Foel bitter, and Penderyn whisky. Well, any whisky, actually, but then, you and Mrs J would know more about that than me. Did you ever get her out of the barrow?

Daffyd, your secrets are safe with me, everyone will tell you I don't do private messages, though I have been sent one or two by the mooderators. Thank you for your concern for Mrs Jocky, I have been worrying myself sick about the poor sods in Boston If she ever gets there. It could turn out to be the tea party from hell. :)


You know that's the sole reason Australia invented the bunyip?

Can't rhyme "turnip" mate?

We'll make up a new word for ya!

Always practical, Australians.





The life of a poet is never easy. :)


If a rhyme can't be found, one can usually be contrived .

She had a 'ead the shape of a turnip
And a child that was clasped to 'ur 'ip.

or

If a rhyme with turnip, you need
relax and substitute swede.




Och, it could have been a lot worse I could have used brussels sprouts. :)






and I hear the mods will bring the highbrows in with poetry contests and starbucks coffee...





Aye, I can see all the punters in the Blokes Thread falling over themselves to get invited. :toetap05:

[soundofmusic]

:lol:
Beer with pineapple... hmmm.

Also, we may need to shelve the party plans for a while - it looks as though it will take us a year to get there!

I'll resurrect the thread in six months or so.

No matter, it'll give more time for the wine to age properly! I think we might have a special vintage bottle laid for the occasion!

I guess I'll bring my own rum or kahlua; not much into the beer and wines...I occasionally have one of those fruity wine coolers....just being amonst the blokes will be treat enough for me; maybe I and Parker will take a few yodeling lessons from Daffyd...



Aye, I can see all the punters in the Blokes Thread falling over themselves to get invited. :toetap05:
Perhaps you can give them a few lessons on iambic pentameter and rhyme...or a bit of Chaucerian style may be refreshing

[The Atheist]

I guess I'll bring my own rum or kahlua;

Oh god, you're such a chick!

Kahlua. With milk or Coke?


.... not much into the beer and wines...I occasionally have one of those fruity wine coolers....

:yikes:

Wine coolers. Don't tell Parker - just give him some bosh about it being a health drink. Health & Parker are strangers.



just being amonst the blokes will be treat enough for me; maybe I and Parker will take a few yodeling lessons from Daffyd...

:lol:

Love colloquialisms.

Down here, a "yodel" after drinking is aimed at the porcelain bowl!



Perhaps you can give them a few lessons on iambic pentameter and rhyme...or a bit of Chaucerian style may be refreshing

That iambic pentameter always sounded a bit kinky to me.

[prendrelemick]

That iambic pentameter always sounded a bit kinky to me.

:goof:I know you are our glorious founder and all that, but sometimes I worry about you.


I felt I had to post SOMETHING because for a while there our revered institution was lying next door to that girly bit of nonsense, The Coffee Club

I actually entered the wrong door, but I think I got away with it.

[dafydd manton]

If you had on that farmer's smock you were wearing last Saturday night, you'll have got away with it!

Oy, who suggested that I'm any good at Yodelling? In either sense?

[The Atheist]

:goof:I know you are our glorious founder and all that, but sometimes I worry about you.

Haha! You and me both!



I felt I had to post SOMETHING because for a while there our revered institution was lying next door to that girly bit of nonsense, The Coffee Club

I actually entered the wrong door, but I think I got away with it.

That thread still going? Good effort, girls - any new knitting patterns about? Bajerox was looking for some knitting to do the other day; I must tell her to go in there.


Oy, who suggested that I'm any good at Yodelling? In either sense?

Well, I could say that you brought it up...

[soundofmusic]

Oh god, you're such a chick!

Kahlua. With milk or Coke?

:yikes:

Wine coolers. Don't tell Parker - just give him some bosh about it being a health drink. Health & Parker are strangers.

:lol:

Love colloquialisms.

Down here, a "yodel" after drinking is aimed at the porcelain bowl!

That iambic pentameter always sounded a bit kinky to me.

I like my Kahlua with thick cream on the rocks; sometimes a splash of amaretto with it. Nah, I stay away from too much drinking though; it turns me honest. I start telling everyones secrets.
Theres this nice wine cooler with a passion fruit flavor; Parker might even decide to partake with me if we drink it in the hot tub...
I think I have a chart and iambic pentameter is one of the positions...


:goof:I know you are our glorious founder and all that, but sometimes I worry about you.

I felt I had to post SOMETHING because for a while there our revered institution was lying next door to that girly bit of nonsense, The Coffee Club
I actually entered the wrong door, but I think I got away with it.

You better check to see that you still have all your parts intact; it's dangerous in there with all the trying on of spike heels and vanishing creams...


If you had on that farmer's smock you were wearing last Saturday night, you'll have got away with it!

Oy, who suggested that I'm any good at Yodelling? In either sense?

Wasn't that you yodelling last saturday, daffyd; I was following at a distance since I didn't get an official invite...I heard a great deal of bellowing, a few thumps, oohs and ahs, squeals, and a quick get away with a squeal of tires....followed by a few rifle shots


Haha! You and me both!

That thread still going? Good effort, girls - any new knitting patterns about? Bajerox was looking for some knitting to do the other day; I must tell her to go in there.
Well, I could say that you brought it up...

I don't know, Atheist, you have to know the talk to get into that thread; I've never managed to get an answer

[dafydd manton]

Zounds! If I'd know you were there, I'd have been quieter!

Not sure if the hot tub with Parker is wise! The heat makes his dicky-bow squeak!

[The Atheist]

I like my Kahlua with thick cream on the rocks; sometimes a splash of amaretto with it. Nah, I stay away from too much drinking though; it turns me honest. I start telling everyones secrets.
Theres this nice wine cooler with a passion fruit flavor; Parker might even decide to partake with me if we drink it in the hot tub...
I think I have a chart and iambic pentameter is one of the positions...

:lol:

I was wondering why I overheard Parker ordering one of those new moveable spa pools.

Now I know!

;)

[dafydd manton]

:lol:

I was wondering why I overheard Parker ordering one of those new moveable spa pools.

Now I know!

;)

Frankly, the Lycra suit was a bit of a give-away!

[soundofmusic]

Zounds! If I'd know you were there, I'd have been quieter!
Not sure if the hot tub with Parker is wise! The heat makes his dicky-bow squeak!

Is that what the squeaking was; I thought it was the hot peppers he was serving with the cheese:blush:


:lol:
I was wondering why I overheard Parker ordering one of those new moveable spa pools.
Now I know!

;)

I think he was actually trying to find a place where he could invite all of the playboy bunnies without any competition...I don't know; I never get invited to any of the posh affairs...


Which reminds me Prendlemick and Gilliatt, how did you both manage to get into the coffee clutch and actually become part of the conversation; I'm a sort of girl and they never talked to me about shoes or earrings:(


Frankly, the Lycra suit was a bit of a give-away!

Oh, this I got to see, I guess I'll sneak around the back...a lycra tux will be fabulous...I hope Parker will do a bit of manscaping first:ciappa:

[prendrelemick]

Conversation! You mean a put down that included all of my gender.

[dafydd manton]

And me!!!

[The Atheist]

Which reminds me Prendlemick and Gilliatt, how did you both manage to get into the coffee clutch and actually become part of the conversation; You've outed them!

:smilielol5:


Conversation! You mean a put down that included all of my gender.

Do the girls put men down in their thread?

I'm horrified!

Just have a look at the difference between how we gentlemen deport ourselves in even the inner circles of blokedom.

We revere women!

All those pics, the discussion on Steffi Graf's charms and how many smokin' hot redhaired models our good friend has been to bed with.

It's like that old joke, isn't it:

In a relationship....

Women want love, tenderness, empathy, listening and understanding. They want a best friend, a confidante and a knight in shining armour all tied into one.

Men want you to shut up and take your clothes off!

[Scheherazade]

In a relationship....

Men want you to shut up and take your clothes off!They'd be wearing any?

[dafydd manton]

Sorry, Scher, unless you can sink 14 pints of bitter and still recite The Ballad of Eskimo Nell, whilst taking the transmission out of a Morris Minor Clubman, well,...........

[prendrelemick]

You are right Atheist, this club upholds all that is good and wholesome in this world . And to celebrate this, here is a picture of Daisy Duke in a bikini.

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/the_original_daisy_duke_2.jpg

[The Atheist]

There is the only reason I ever watched that program!

Catherine Bach, mmmmmmmm.

[Paulclem]

The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.

I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!

[The Atheist]

The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.

I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!

Woohoo!

Another party!

Parker's serving Glenlivet and Kahluas all round.

:D

(not in the same glass!)

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Which reminds me Prendlemick and Gilliatt, how did you both manage to get into the coffee clutch and actually become part of the conversation; I'm a sort of girl and they never talked to me about shoes or earrings


I truly believe they like us, Prendrelemick and I, or at least they tolerate us, but you must be deft in your approach.
My first encounter remains a vivid memory. Our prodigal horse rider went missing again, lost to an alternative reality via a wormhole to the stars. I was in desperate search for the kilted wonder, when I suddenly found myself at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon streets. I heard a cacophony of giggling and chatter emanating form a nearby coffee shop. The door was ajar, so I figured it was all right to peek in…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLpS4Phe0Wc&feature=fvw




You are right Atheist, this club upholds all that is good and wholesome in this world . And to celebrate this, here is a picture of Daisy Duke in a bikini.

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/the_original_daisy_duke_2.jpg

Daisy Duke was a big part of my life. I still think about her now and then.


The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.

I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!

Congratulations to Frank in Stein Junior !!!
I’ll send a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 and my Grandmother’s Drambuie.


.

[dafydd manton]

Gentlemen, I come in here, first thing in the morning, for a look at The Times, and a small black coffee if Parker has the time, and I am confronted with pictures of the ineffable Daisy. Does anybody have a blood pressure tablet I might borrow?

Oh, Paul well done on t'lad gerrin' in. I take it there'll be a snooker night in the near future!

[prendrelemick]

I truly believe they like us, Prendrelemick and I, or at least they tolerate us, but you must be deft in your approach.
My first encounter remains a vivid memory. Our prodigal horse rider went missing again, lost to an alternative reality via a wormhole to the stars. I was in desperate search for the kilted wonder, when I suddenly found myself at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon streets. I heard a cacophony of giggling and chatter emanating form a nearby coffee shop. The door was ajar, so I figured it was all right to peek in…


Tis strange indeed. Whilst on the same quest, I was crossing a blasted heath, when I heard a cackleing of voices and a clicking of high heels coming from a lonely coffee house, the night was dark and damp, so I entered...

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/mac.jpg



I'm glad the lad got in paul, it very tight this year I hear.

[dafydd manton]

Erm, Gentlemen, we got used to Mr Prendrele, Michael of that ilk, coming in with the sheep, and indeed, some were exceptionally tasty - Parker does an excellent mint sauce, but what do the club's regulations say about the cat? Other than not fricaseeing it, that is. I just worry a bit about the Puddy-tat and Daisy on one page.

[Paulclem]

Thanks chaps. We're relieved. He's just begining to appreciate that he's leaving in 4 weeks. Nowadays they can get to know each other before they go through Facebook. Quite useful.

[jocky]

The coffeee thread has always been a puzzling institution, I have been in there and talked about toenail varnish and it went down like a lead balloon. We have no problems accommmodating Soundo, so there must be something more to this. I consulted the oracle, Mrs Jocky, aka the kilted wonderess, as to what this phenomenon meant. She looked at me with a big grin on her face and said " wondrous strange Jocky, wondrous strange. " Now what the Dickens could she have meant by that ? :)


Thanks chaps. We're relieved. He's just begining to appreciate that he's leaving in 4 weeks. Nowadays they can get to know each other before they go through Facebook. Quite useful.

Paul your life has just rejuvinated itself. Just think, no more sneaking quietly up the stairs with your missus in case junior is listening. No more answering stupid questions where your reply is always instantly dismissed and best of all, your booze supply cannot be robbed. Of course , if you have daughters ignore all of the above. :)


Sorry, Scher, unless you can sink 14 pints of bitter and still recite The Ballad of Eskimo Nell, whilst taking the transmission out of a Morris Minor Clubman, well,...........

:)

Aye, well I have reproduced that feat with a Hillman Imp and at the same time recited ' Tam O' Shanter ' blindfolded. Mrs Jocky has never forgiven me for that one. She says I should listen to Mick and that way I could never get into trouble. :)

On to a serious subject guys and gal. Why are we not responding to the Pakistan crisis as we should ? I take it as read we all have standing orders to Save The Children and other good causes but why are we responding so slowly to this one? It may be for political reasons and the fact that the World Banks have made it difficult, but kids are kids and I for one do not find life easy when somebody else's children are hungry, emaciated and starving. It kind of takes the shine off of life.

[soundofmusic]

Conversation! You mean a put down that included all of my gender.

Well, just in case Mrs. P was walking by at the time; I think it best that we say you were conversing. Though, with the disco ball, black lights and the pink image of Catherine Bach on the dancing pole; I can't say for sure what was happening.


And me!!!
Was it you, dafydd, or prendrelemick; that the girls were trying to barter with for your high-heeled sandles?


You've outed them!

:smilielol5:

Do the girls put men down in their thread?

I'm horrified!

Just have a look at the difference between how we gentlemen deport ourselves in even the inner circles of blokedom.

We revere women!

All those pics, the discussion on Steffi Graf's charms and how many smokin' hot redhaired models our good friend has been to bed with.

It's like that old joke, isn't it:

In a relationship....

Women want love, tenderness, empathy, listening and understanding. They want a best friend, a confidante and a knight in shining armour all tied into one.

Men want you to shut up and take your clothes off!

Well, I'm a bit envious of the fellows that do equally well with the ladies and the blokes; none of the girls have ever asked to borrow my size 10 nikes.
Yes, I wanted all of those things in my youth; which is why all my great loves turned out to be gay...
What is this thing now with guys wanting you to remove your clothes; in my day they didn't want to take the extra 3 or 4 minutes...unless they wanted to show off their famous dexterity with hooks.


You are right Atheist, this club upholds all that is good and wholesome in this world . And to celebrate this, here is a picture of Daisy Duke in a bikini.

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/the_original_daisy_duke_2.jpg

They say the older a woman is, the more she needs pink light; but Daisy's looking a bit like an over boiled lobster


The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.

I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!

Congrats Paul, I'll send my mirror to hang on the ceiling...no guys, it's for cheating at poker:thumbsup:

Woohoo!

Another party!

Parker's serving Glenlivet and Kahluas all round.

:D

(not in the same glass!)

Okay, is Paul putting in a hot tub?


I truly believe they like us, Prendrelemick and I, or at least they tolerate us, but you must be deft in your approach.
My first encounter remains a vivid memory. Our prodigal horse rider went missing again, lost to an alternative reality via a wormhole to the stars. I was in desperate search for the kilted wonder, when I suddenly found myself at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon streets. I heard a cacophony of giggling and chatter emanating form a nearby coffee shop. The door was ajar, so I figured it was all right to peek in…

.

I've never been known for my subtle approaches:party::arf::reddevil:

Tis strange indeed. Whilst on the same quest, I was crossing a blasted heath, when I heard a cackleing of voices and a clicking of high heels coming from a lonely coffee house, the night was dark and damp, so I entered...

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/prendrelemick/mac.jpg



Ah yes, I think daffyd entered the wrong coffe thread; yours looks like the one I entered...


The coffeee thread has always been a puzzling institution, I have been in there and talked about toenail varnish and it went down like a lead balloon. We have no problems accommmodating Soundo, so there must be something more to this. I consulted the oracle, Mrs Jocky, aka the kilted wonderess, as to what this phenomenon meant. She looked at me with a big grin on her face and said " wondrous strange Jocky, wondrous strange. " Now what the Dickens could she have meant by that ? :)



I think we need to get a bit of sodium pentathol for the wise Mrs J; we could no doubt solve more than just my difficulties relating to women.

[jocky]

I think we need to get a bit of sodium pentathol for the wise Mrs J; we could no doubt solve more than just my difficulties relating to women.

Your difficulties with women is nae my problem, and don't use sodium pentathol as an excuse. You are in the Blokes Thread so don't come the intelligent female with us excuse. We have seen all their arguments and lost. If you think you have got diffuculties relating to women just try being me I have lost every debate that ever was. Example:
Mrs Jocky, " Life could have been so much better if I had never met you " Tough." Atheist sounds like a decent guy " Aye but he has got a young wife ". Well what about old Mick, he knows a thing or two about turnips? Paul is almost single and Gilliatt knows a thing or two about Kentucky Blue Grass, and not forgetting Dafydd who knows everything about the badges of their subjection! :)

[dafydd manton]

Know the badges of subjection?? Good grief, man, I designed them, made them, sewed them on, and I even have to keep polishing the brass bits.......well, Mrs. Dafydd tells me I must. I'm very much the boss in our house, but I haven't got her permission to say so yet. (And for as long as that picture of The Beatific Daisy is around, there's not much chance of that happening)

[gbrekken]

Unbelievable. Same O, Same O. Some people even sound sober. When it comes to daisies, I prefer to be the de-flowerer. :).

[dafydd manton]

You might be a bit late........................

[prendrelemick]

Unbelievable. Same O, Same O. Some people even sound sober. When it comes to daisies, I prefer to be the de-flowerer. :).

Ay-up gbrekken, hows life on the other side?

[The Atheist]

Some people even sound sober.

Crikey! You say that as I contemplate the crates of empties from Paul's party?

[Scheherazade]

Sorry, Scher, unless you can sink 14 pints of bitter and still recite The Ballad of Eskimo Nell, whilst taking the transmission out of a Morris Minor Clubman, well,...........What's your point?

[dafydd manton]

Last time, you missed out verses 91 and 92 - the ones with the vacuum cleaner. Detracts from the elegant simplicity of the piece.

[soundofmusic]

Your difficulties with women is nae my problem, and don't use sodium pentathol as an excuse. You are in the Blokes Thread so don't come the intelligent female with us excuse. We have seen all their arguments and lost. If you think you have got diffuculties relating to women just try being me I have lost every debate that ever was. Example:
Mrs Jocky, " Life could have been so much better if I had never met you " Tough." Atheist sounds like a decent guy " Aye but he has got a young wife ". Well what about old Mick, he knows a thing or two about turnips? Paul is almost single and Gilliatt knows a thing or two about Kentucky Blue Grass, and not forgetting Dafydd who knows everything about the badges of their subjection! :)

I never knew what you went through; thank god I'm female so I don't have to live a painful life of wedlock with one.



Unbelievable. Same O, Same O. Some people even sound sober. When it comes to daisies, I prefer to be the de-flowerer. :).

Ah, so that's what you're doing over in the coffee house; and I thought it was for the starbucks and cheesecake.


You might be a bit late........................

I'm pretty sure that train left the station a good while ago...


Crikey! You say that as I contemplate the crates of empties from Paul's party?

I thought I saw a couple of boxes of viagra in the pile and Parker stood me up when I went in to slip on my size 22 bikini...:flare: