Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[jocky]

No way.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/4703534/London-shop-to-make-breast-milk-ice-cream

This is apparently real.

What next? Placenta burgers?

:lol:

"What's the harm in using my assets for an extra bit of cash?"

Looks like I will be popping over to New Zealand for my ice-cream, straight from source. The Placenta burgers I will reserve for Turncoat.

[Paulclem]

:lol:

"What's the harm in using my assets for an extra bit of cash?"

Looks like I will be popping over to New Zealand for my ice-cream, straight from source. The Placenta burgers I will reserve for Turncoat.

Perhaps we'll end up growing our own protein from our cells - mixed in with a bit of veg of course. What would you call that - It doesn't really count as cannibalism. Or maybe if there's a problem with only consuming self produced protein - perhaps we could swap each other's - in a stir fry - never tell the difference.

Perhaps some people's protein would be more tasty than others - it could add a whole new aspect to gourmet cooking. :biggrin5:

[prendrelemick]

Looks like Tendulkar is going to set about the England bowling (72 and looking good.)



Meanwhile England are looking favourites for the Six Nations in the wuggar

[Paulclem]

Gah - missed the game!!! (Draws steadying breath)

Couldn't be helped.

Impressive so far.

[Madhuri]

What a match it was..... till the very last over.... ended in a tie...

[prendrelemick]

That was absolutely brilliant !
Did you watch it Madhuri ? I've been attached to the radio all day, will catch the highlights tonight.

[jocky]

Here's hoping you all missed the Scotland-Ireland match, what a debacle. The Scottish front row proved conclusively that they haven't got a single braincell between them. :(

It is coming close to that time of the year again, so let the banter begin.


england v SCOTLAND


I have invoked the Gods of rugby union to infuse the Scottish team with the spirit of 1990. Let it work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA6cnXFiE6I

[soundofmusic]

The last time me and Mrs J visited Yorkshire to see our daughter and two grandchildren we spent a couple of days in York. My other half suggested ( somewhat slyly ) " Jocky why don't you go and visit Yorkminster, you know you have always wanted to see it ." I thought, how unusually generous a gesture. Just in time I remembered it is still legal to murder a Scotsman in the grounds of the Cathederal. Instead I went to the racetrack and lost all our holiday money. It was well worth the row. :)

What a sly and great lady; I don't think any of Shakespeares brilliant ladies were a match for her:coolgleamA:


Well - let me present my credentials.

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/P190211_2305_01.jpg

My flat cap on my flat screen.



I'm so jealous of your laptop Paul...I'm managing with 400 dollar emachines desk top, 4 channels on my analog tv and no messaging on my phone:incazzato:


Nice looking flat cap and funny video Paul!
"...Kant"
"What you say?!!"




From big pigeons to big fish, when does it end Jocky?

Gentlemen, I'm having the blokiest of blokey evenings; Just finished two pints of ale at Carlyle Brewing company in Rockford and now I'm setlled in my hotel with a Jack Daniels and ginger ale watching Clint Eastwood in "A Fistfull of Dollars".
Next up is "For a Few Dollars More" and "The Good the Bad and the Ugly".
It doesn't get much better than this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeFpM2OEWPs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XETCBf4m5g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awskKWzjlhk


.

Good for you; My daughter and I are having a great chick evening: we got japanese take out, bought 40 dollars worth of candy at the card store and watched a scary flick with the young Johnny Depp showing his boyish abs and crunching his gluts for the camera:eek:


been sitting and reading in the wings for months and will comment someday on any all things, but I'm here to ask for advice about quitting smoking. I will not do hypnosis but anything else is possible. I can't drive 55, and it's also too young to die. RSVP

I have always found that the only way to get rid of one bad habit is too take up another....Have you tried gambling or wild women.


Things are pretty grim this morning.

Just goes to show how nature works and how random stuff can happen. The earthquake last September happened at the very best time of day for it and nobody was killed. This one, at the very worst time of day and they're expecting 300+ deaths and there are thousands injured.

The great wheel of fate.

Magnificent to see the whole world pulling in behind us, though! Go Earth!

Are you sure this isn't a good time to become religious; my pious friends are having a great time deciding what all of these places have done to call gods rath on them...It'll be interesting to see what will happen if we get a bad hurricane this year:frown2:


Definitely not - just lucky, just as you were unlucky. There's no accounting for the boss.

Thanks Paul; How do you feel about adopting an extra inlaw:biggrin5:


Happy Valentines Sounds. From - An Admirer.:ihih:

Course the mysterious effect is spoiled by my name and avatar appearing alongside.

You'll always be a mystery to me; well, until next week when Mrs P has invited me down for the weekend:wave:


No way.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/4703534/London-shop-to-make-breast-milk-ice-cream

This is apparently real.

What next? Placenta burgers?

Disgusting! I wonder how that would fit in a vegetarian diet?:skep:

[The Atheist]

What a match it was..... till the very last over.... ended in a tie...

Yes, an amazing result after scoring 339?


I have invoked the Gods of rugby union to infuse the Scottish team with the spirit of 1990. Let it work.

If all else fails, call Suzie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5iQBLgndTU&feature=player_embedded


Disgusting! I wonder how that would fit in a vegetarian diet?:skep:

That would be fine if the mother's a vegan!

[prendrelemick]

It's not the winning, its the taking part that counts Jocky :lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Madhuri]

That was absolutely brilliant !
Did you watch it Madhuri ? I've been attached to the radio all day, will catch the highlights tonight.

I didn't watch the entire match, but I did watch the most interesting parts of the game. I am glad that it was a tie, otherwise, it would have been a huge disappointment for the losing team. Both the teams played really well, towards the end especially. Though, I have to admit that at one point I thought India was going to lose.

[prendrelemick]

We were losing, then winning, then losing, then winning, then losing, then that six in the last over, then a tie.

I'm glad it was a tie too.

[Paulclem]

I'm so jealous of your laptop Paul...I'm managing with 400 dollar emachines desk top, 4 channels on my analog tv and no messaging on my phone:incazzato:

Thanks Paul; How do you feel about adopting an extra inlaw:biggrin5:



It's amazing what we can't do without these days. I don't know what I used to do with myself 15 years ago before I plunged into the world of computing and lost myself in digitality. I'm an e-head, and now I work a lot on the computer too.

We do have an old Uncle and an old Auntie to sort. (The old Auntie is 89, but claims she is 82 for reasons we cannot fathom. (We know because her DOB is on the medication we pick up for her). With the old Uncle it's just a case of going to the hospital with him every now and then. The Old Auntie requires taking shopping, appointments, prescriptions, odd jobs, bins etc etc. So we would but...:frown2:

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

There's no place like home!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VozkqGUIOc&feature=related

My Illinois assignment is finished !!!
The project manager sent me home with a bottle of Wild Turkey 101.
After two days driving, I am back in the saddle getting re acquainted with my dog.
Oh yeah; and my wife, son and cat too.

Gg

[Paulclem]

Good for you Gilliatt. I bet it's nice coming home after hotels.:thumbs_up

[jocky]

There's no place like home!!



One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me. :(

[The Atheist]

After two days driving, I am back in the saddle getting re acquainted with my dog.

Mate, they are bad metaphors to mix!


That woman is going to be the death of me. :(

That's why women live longer than men.

[Paulclem]

One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me. :(


:lol:
And she might turn a profit. There's no faulting a woman's logic. That's why us men are prone to irrational behaviour in protest.


Mate, they are bad metaphors to mix!



That's why women live longer than men.

:lol:

I missed that.

[prendrelemick]

One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me. :(

:lol:
I've never known anyone more in need of a shed than you jocky.

[Paulclem]

Ah a shed - that feted refuge for maleness - too shabby for female sensibilities, but good enough for the male used to roughing it a little. I have a little something in a squash bottle in my shed.

[jocky]

Hey guys, does anyone know the result of the ODI between England and Ireland ? I assume England won. I mean could you imagine the utter humiliation if the holders of the Ashes were to be thumped by a bunch of part-time duffers? Mick and Paul would never be able to live it down. :smilielol5:

[prendrelemick]

They may be part time duffers, but our boys are full time duffers.

[Paulclem]

Hey guys, does anyone know the result of the ODI between England and Ireland ? I assume England won. I mean could you imagine the utter humiliation if the holders of the Ashes were to be thumped by a bunch of part-time duffers? Mick and Paul would never be able to live it down. :smilielol5:

That would be yet another thing I couldn't live down. It all began in 1979 when the Aussies, featuring Mal Meninga, completely thrashed us at Hull. I never liked Hull. Depressing place.

[The Atheist]

Hey guys, does anyone know the result of the ODI between England and Ireland ? I assume England won. I mean could you imagine the utter humiliation if the holders of the Ashes were to be thumped by a bunch of part-time duffers? Mick and Paul would never be able to live it down. :smilielol5:

Hahaha!

You were the very first person I thought of when I saw that result! I said to myself, I bet even the Scots are happy today; England being vanquished by Celtic cousins!

Unbelievable result, but it probably won't be enough to knock them out of contention.

[prendrelemick]

To progress we probably only need another win in 4 games. But one "Test status" side is going out - why not England

[jocky]

That would be yet another thing I couldn't live down. It all began in 1979 when the Aussies, featuring Mal Meninga, completely thrashed us at Hull. I never liked Hull. Depressing place.


Hull depressing ! Never.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEXEekmhUts

[prendrelemick]

The slogan used to promote that city used to be "It's Never Dull in Hull"


This was certainly true in some of the dockside pubs.

[Paulclem]

Hull depressing ! Never.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEXEekmhUts

Brilliant video.

I remember the power station we had in wakefield, and the pit round the back of the houses where we lived, and the horrible council estate we lived on and used to walk through to get to school - (it's even worse now. I once heard a commotion outside my brother's house and watched - stunned as a bloke in a wheelchair threatened to kill two young lads who were taking the mickey out of him... at three in the morning).

But it was better than Hull.

[The Atheist]

Well, all that explains why so many of you want to move over here!

The odd part is, no sooner do most of ;em get here than they want to go "back 'ome".

[jocky]

Well, all that explains why so many of you want to move over here!

The odd part is, no sooner do most of ;em get here than they want to go "back 'ome".

I am quite happy where I am. :smile5:

http://images.halloweencostumes.net/sexy-scottish-girl.jpg

[jocky]

Mick and Paul at the pub using pseudonyms, naturally.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvQq_tqB0jA

:)

[The Atheist]

I am quite happy where I am.

I don't blame you!

I'd be happy to hang my sporran under her pillow.


Mick and Paul at the pub using pseudonyms, naturally.


:smilielol5:

The good old cloth cap. Does anyone still wear them?

[Cunninglinguist]

Hull depressing ! Never.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEXEekmhUts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsZXpG-izMA&NR=1

[prendrelemick]

I am quite happy where I am. :smile5:

http://images.halloweencostumes.net/sexy-scottish-girl.jpg

Hoots mon!


I don't blame you!

:smilielol5:

The good old cloth cap. Does anyone still wear them?


I have several :sosp: And a yorkshire man would not foul his lips with beer as flat as that!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsZXpG-izMA&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XV868lK0cs&feature=related

As the that old song says "From Hull, and Halifax and Hell, may the Lord deliver me." I've lived in two of the three, - I wonder where I'm going next.:reddevil:

[soundofmusic]

Yes, an amazing result after scoring 339?



If all else fails, call Suzie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5iQBLgndTU&feature=player_embedded



That would be fine if the mother's a vegan!

That didn't quite occur to me. It's funny, in the states, they use road kill as fertilizer; I wonder how many vegans are getting a bit of extra protein in their spinach from 2 week old deer....


It's amazing what we can't do without these days. I don't know what I used to do with myself 15 years ago before I plunged into the world of computing and lost myself in digitality. I'm an e-head, and now I work a lot on the computer too.

We do have an old Uncle and an old Auntie to sort. (The old Auntie is 89, but claims she is 82 for reasons we cannot fathom. (We know because her DOB is on the medication we pick up for her). With the old Uncle it's just a case of going to the hospital with him every now and then. The Old Auntie requires taking shopping, appointments, prescriptions, odd jobs, bins etc etc. So we would but...:frown2:

You're right, I sometimes wonder how I used to get a whole house cleaned in one day; oddly enough, in those days, we had no vhs, dvds or computers.
Well, I think I would be a much better adopted relative, I remember my age and would sit in the corner at dinner and tell dirty jokes:reddevil:


There's no place like home!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VozkqGUIOc&feature=related

My Illinois assignment is finished !!!
The project manager sent me home with a bottle of Wild Turkey 101.
After two days driving, I am back in the saddle getting re acquainted with my dog.
Oh yeah; and my wife, son and cat too.

Gg

Well, those girls look like they could make a fair breakfast; but I think I'd go elsewhere for cuddling.

Good for you Gilliatt. I bet it's nice coming home after hotels.:thumbs_up

I love hotels; particularly when the angels come down when I'm out and make my bed and vacuum my floor...well, now that I've realized I don't have to do it for them


One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me. :(

I'm crying for your plight over here, poor Jocky. I'd come over to comfort you; but my tears seems to have put an ocean between us:bawling::bawling::bawling:

[jocky]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsZXpG-izMA&NR=1

:)

Just when you think things are getting better.

[jocky]

I don't blame you!

I'd be happy to hang my sporran under her pillow.




:smilielol5:



Aye, but just make sure you don't leave your credit card in it.

[jocky]

I wonder where I'm going next.:reddevil:

Nae worries, everyone from the Cold Ale Thread will be there. Just think, booze, women, money worries, sheep.....Not much difference really. :)

[jocky]

I'm crying for your plight over here, poor Jocky. I'd come over to comfort you; but my tears seems to have put an ocean between us:bawling::bawling::bawling:


If you really cared a small obstacle like the Atlantic Ocean should be no barrier. " Frailty, thy name be woman." :)

[Paulclem]

The good old cloth cap. Does anyone still wear them?

Here is mine - waterproof and a Christmas present. I've needed it this year!!

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/ClothCap_01.jpg

[jocky]

I'm crying for your plight over here, poor Jocky. I'd come over to comfort you; but my tears seems to have put an ocean between us:bawling::bawling::bawling:


If you really cared a small obstacle like the Atlantic Ocean should be no barrier. " Frailty, thy name is woman." :)

[Paulclem]

That didn't quite occur to me. It's funny, in the states, they use road kill as fertilizer; I wonder how many vegans are getting a bit of extra protein in their spinach from 2 week old deer....

You're right, I sometimes wonder how I used to get a whole house cleaned in one day; oddly enough, in those days, we had no vhs, dvds or computers.
Well, I think I would be a much better adopted relative, I remember my age and would sit in the corner at dinner and tell dirty jokes:reddevil:

I love hotels; particularly when the angels come down when I'm out and make my bed and vacuum my floor...well, now that I've realized I don't have to do it for them


Try as we might, we vegetarians can't succeed. There are measures set by the food regulators in each country as to how many insect parts are permissible in rice etc. Perhaps we get plenty of protein that way. :lol:

I can slip from the TV to a DVD to the computer in three easy movements. There's just so much to do these days.

I also like hotels - for the same reasons - and I have lived in a few when we were travelling. Superb. It's finally nice to go home and cook in your own time though.

[The Atheist]

Aye, but just make sure you don't leave your credit card in it.

No worries with me. If it isn't over its limit, the available balance will be about $2-98.

It's part of an ongoing thesis of mine: Avoiding Credit Card Fraud; keep your card at its limit!

[soundofmusic]

Mate, they are bad metaphors to mix!

:nod:


:lol:
And she might turn a profit. There's no faulting a woman's logic. That's why us men are prone to irrational behaviour in protest.



I don't know, I've begun to notice that since men have been trying to become sensitive for their women folk; they have also increased the irrational behavior.


:lol:
I've never known anyone more in need of a shed than you jocky.

Maybe jocky should get some sheep too; or an old jalopy. My dad spent hours tuning up his old cars. I remeber when he ruined 2 tires on the new family car driving through junk yards to find a piece on his old 51 ford.



I am quite happy where I am. :smile5:

http://images.halloweencostumes.net/sexy-scottish-girl.jpg

Wow, where did you find her; is she one of Jocky Jrs little playmates?


If you really cared a small obstacle like the Atlantic Ocean should be no barrier. " Frailty, thy name be woman." :)

You're right Jocky, how could I be so cold when my friend is in need...I'll steal an airboat and be right over.

[soundofmusic]

Try as we might, we vegetarians can't succeed. There are measures set by the food regulators in each country as to how many insect parts are permissible in rice etc. Perhaps we get plenty of protein that way. :lol:

I can slip from the TV to a DVD to the computer in three easy movements. There's just so much to do these days.

I also like hotels - for the same reasons - and I have lived in a few when we were travelling. Superb. It's finally nice to go home and cook in your own time though.

[URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr[/UR

I'm not terribly fond of meat; but I try to do my part to keep the food chain balanced...:willy_nilly:

[soundofmusic]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr

....once, all of man were vegetarians...and then.....:nod: Just kidding; loved this movie, all blood and breasts....actually, more breasts than blood...:frown2:

[The Atheist]

I don't know, I've begun to notice that since men have been trying to become sensitive for their women folk; they have also increased the irrational behavior.

That has just got to stop.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Just popping in for a quick one (drink that is) and to let you blokes know I'm still around.

Atheist,
What's the latest out of Christchurch?

Jocky,
I'll have you know that Bartok left his calling card on my windshield a couple days ago.
It took muriatic acid, a putty knife and half an hour to clear it off !!

Gg

[The Atheist]

Atheist,
What's the latest out of Christchurch?

About 200 dead and 10-20,000 out of their homes, which will likely need to be pulled down.

All seems to be ok now, as the biggest story is the lack of chemical toilets. It appears that nobody in Christchurch owns a spade.

The real trouble will come when we have to pay for fixing it up as we're broke!

[prendrelemick]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr

....once, all of man were vegetarians...and then.....:nod: Just kidding; loved this movie, all blood and breasts....actually, more breasts than blood...:frown2:



Not even a single Oscar nomination! They should have a catogory for best gratuitous scene involving bikini clad actresses .

[The Atheist]

This is the movie for you, mick:

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi177473049/

[prendrelemick]

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

I'm lost for words.


Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.


http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/8411648-ukraine-topless-protest-against-win-a-wife-competition

[Paulclem]

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

I'm lost for words.


Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.


http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/8411648-ukraine-topless-protest-against-win-a-wife-competition

I'm all for freedom of speech and expression. I think it is the crowning glory of Western Civilisations and should be encouraged. :hurray:

[soundofmusic]

That has just got to stop.

My friend is dating a sensitive man; he talks about babies and diapers for 2 hours at friday barbe, followed by a *****ing session of what his 2 wives did to him over 20 years :bawling::bawling:

Just popping in for a quick one (drink that is) and to let you blokes know I'm still around

Jocky,
I'll have you know that Bartok left his calling card on my windshield a couple days ago.
It took muriatic acid, a putty knife and half an hour to clear it off !!

Gg
Good to see you; which reminds me, I have to put a new screen up before the buggers take over my roof. It used to be terrible listening to them make love all night:nonod:


Not even a single Oscar nomination! They should have a catogory for best gratuitous scene involving bikini clad actresses .

Yeah, and they were class A breasts too, had a good deal of bounce, all on a front angle, none of that jumping to the side stuff...


This is the movie for you, mick:

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi177473049/

I see I'm going to have to break my rule about not eating anything fuzzy with soft eyes...those creatures numbers have to be taken down haha.


:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

I'm lost for words.


Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.


http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/8411648-ukraine-topless-protest-against-win-a-wife-competition

Wow, why don't they protests like that in the states...of course, our females are mostly heavy weights...


I'm all for freedom of speech and expression. I think it is the crowning glory of Western Civilisations and should be encouraged. :hurray:

Here, Here...The only thing I can add to that is that men should be equal opportunity protestors....

[The Atheist]

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

I'm lost for words.

Thought you might like that one!



Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.


I find myself agreeing fully with those brave women - the contest is sexist and disgraceful.

It is merely coincidence that I'm flying to Ukraine to join the protest tonight!


I'm all for freedom of speech and expression. I think it is the crowning glory of Western Civilisations and should be encouraged. :hurray:

Haha! I've been discussing it lately and I said much the same to a couple of rabid feminists as I just said to Mick and it was not well received.

Those chicks are the best thing to happen to feminism since Germaine Greer finally achieved orgasm.


My friend is dating a sensitive man; he talks about babies and diapers for 2 hours at friday barbe, followed by a *****ing session of what his 2 wives did to him over 20 years :bawling::bawling:

Oh, that's sickening. I'd put a link, but it is so NFSW - or anywhere else - that I thought I'd best not.

Just search YouTube for Ronnie Johns Chopper and it'll be the first video.

Get that bloke to watch it. His name's not Stefan is it?

;)

[Paulclem]

Do you chaps and Ladies think that the person who filled up the shelves in the Poundshop a few weeks ago did this on purpose?


http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/P190211_1413.jpg


The next time I went in had been changed, or perhaps the Pope had sold well.

[The Atheist]

Hahaa! Classic.

That's certainly how I'd have had them.

[OrphanPip]

I'm curious about the "arse angling" dvd on the left.

[prendrelemick]

I'm curious about the "arse angling" dvd on the left.

:smilielol5: Good spot Pip. (what he does with his rod and tackle should be no one's buisness but his own.)

[prendrelemick]

Here's a blast from the past.


The year is 1983.

Breakfast TV started on the BBC.:sleep:
The Austin Maestro was launched.:driving:
The One pound coin was introduced
Ronald Raygun announced his "star Wars" initiative.:idea:
Maggie Thatcher won the Election in june - and announced swingeing cuts in July.:rolleyes5:

Cheryl Cole was born.

And for the last time, Scotland beat England at Rugby.:p

[Paulclem]

I remember it well. BBC's Breakfast TV - was that the Good Morning one? No I've just watched the BBC's sober affair Breakfast Time with Frank "Where's my whip" Bough and Selina Scott. It was a blast from the past with the news though - the Falklands war is mentioned, Reagan and Andropov, andwe still had Hong Kong then too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC1k_i_uUbg&NR=1

A bit diffeent to Channel 4's

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHoMbexGNRg

[The Atheist]

Here's a blast from the past....

And for the last time, Scotland beat England at Rugby.:p

Could be worse. You have to be a pensioner to have been alive last time Wales beat the All Blacks, while Scotland are still waiting for their first win after 105 barren years. (Freudian typo, that came out "tears" at first! ;) )

How's the cricket going?

[prendrelemick]

We beat the South Africans, then lose to Bangladesh.

The suprises of the tournament are your good selves and the West Indians - who England play next.

[Madhuri]

That match against SA could have been in our favour but the last over by Nehra gave it away :( .

[prendrelemick]

Sounds like it was a cracker. I thought India was going to do it. It was the last over against England too I recall.

It looks like England will be very lucky to qualify for the last 8, and quite right too, after getting into a winning position against Ireland and Bangledesh, they relaxed and lost. Its a kind of arrogance and they don't deserve to be there.

[The Atheist]

Scotland should be up in arms to the extent of war this morning - how can they possibly win a rugby game in these circumstances?


Flood then put England back in front with the ensuing penalty, while Scotland made their way back for the restart 14 men down.

14 men sin-binned! I call foul!

(You got close, jocky - pity it was played in London)

[soundofmusic]

Oh, that's sickening. I'd put a link, but it is so NFSW - or anywhere else - that I thought I'd best not.

Just search YouTube for Ronnie Johns Chopper and it'll be the first video.

Get that bloke to watch it. His name's not Stefan is it?

;)

I love this guy, thanks Atheist.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y

[jocky]

It was the ref's fault. Imagine sin binning Barclay for gobbing off ! Then to compound it he fakes a calf injury when Scotland were in a certain try scoring position. The irony was just as we sorted out the scrum we reverted to poor handling , will we ever learn ? Great match though and well done England, cough, splutter.

[Paulclem]

It was the ref's fault. Imagine sin binning Barclay for gobbing off ! Then to compound it he fakes a calf injury when Scotland were in a certain try scoring position. The irony was just as we sorted out the scrum we reverted to poor handling , will we ever learn ? Great match though and well done England, cough, splutter.

It was a good match. And what about Italy beating the French! It's getting so that any game is up for grabs - much better!

[jocky]

Agreed mate, and here was me hyping up the French for the World cup. Still I have got Scotland's prize in the following image. At least we are going to win something. :)





1741

[prendrelemick]

I hate it when England win undeservedly. I don't mind losing undeservedly though, funny that.

[The Atheist]

It was the ref's fault. Imagine sin binning Barclay for gobbing off ! Then to compound it he fakes a calf injury when Scotland were in a certain try scoring position. The irony was just as we sorted out the scrum we reverted to poor handling , will we ever learn ? Great match though and well done England, cough, splutter.

Next year....


It was a good match. And what about Italy beating the French! It's getting so that any game is up for grabs - much better!

That's a French thing. They're capable of losing to anyone on a given day, just as they can beat anyone if they really want to. (or when the ABs choke)

[jocky]

The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xIthYHZKjE

[soundofmusic]

The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xIthYHZKjE

I've become a fan of this; it's a blast! What is that speech anyway, Scottish ebonics?

[The Atheist]

The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school.

Brilliant! And great ending.

[Paulclem]

The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xIthYHZKjE

Superb. It's a great thing being able to pull good faces.

Here's a bit of Yorkshire. It were allus like that up our way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzn3KaO2Vyk

[prendrelemick]

Ahh my favorite episode of my favorite programme.


Though that theer nostalga i'nt like it used t'be.

[The Atheist]

That was a funny series - I'd forgotten all about it.

[prendrelemick]

Say what you like about the England cricket team, but they give value for money- another nail biter agin the West Indies. All was lost and then we won!

[jocky]

Say what you like about the England cricket team, but they give value for money- another nail biter agin the West Indies. All was lost and then we won!

The late recovery totally ruined my post. :(

[prendrelemick]

Don't worry Jocky they can't keep riding their luck for much longer. Class (or lack of it) will tell.

[jocky]

Don't worry Jocky they can't keep riding their luck for much longer. Class (or lack of it) will tell.

You are wrong. The script is written and they are going to win. I feel it in my bones.

[Emil Miller]

I just popped in to post this interesting news item from my home page.


British woman 'bites off' boyfriend's testicles.

[jocky]

I just popped in to post this interesting news item from my home page.


British woman 'bites off' boyfriend's testicles.

I just read the article, but it gives no expanation as to why. I suppose she just went nuts. Mind you there may have been mitigating circumstances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daEocG2dKCU

[soundofmusic]

Gracious, you don't mess with a British girl, do you...she'll rip them off:sick:

[jocky]

Gracious, you don't mess with a British girl, do you...she'll rip them off:sick:

Och they are not all bad. I don't know about Mick and Paul but this put my testerone levels through the roof. ( Headphones please )


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_l5ETBRqFU

[The Atheist]

You are wrong. The script is written and they are going to win. I feel it in my bones.

You have no worries on that score. They may even meet some easybeat - like us - in the next round, but they will not beat RSA, India or Australia.

I promise they will not be another wicked barb.


I just popped in to post this interesting news item from my home page.


British woman 'bites off' boyfriend's testicles.
That is distinctly crazy.

And nasty!


Douglas had to call emergency services himself after the incident, but was in so much pain operators could not understand what he was saying.

No kidding.

[prendrelemick]

OK I'll say it.

Sounds like a load of bo11ocks to me.

There thats got that over with. I wonder if they can stich them back on. If they're not to chewed.

[Paulclem]

Och they are not all bad. I don't know about Mick and Paul but this put my testerone levels through the roof. ( Headphones please )


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_l5ETBRqFU

A fine Sheffield band.

[jocky]

That is distinctly crazy.

And nasty!





The mere thought of it put me right off my Lobster Thermidore and Menetou-Salon. The name Maria Georgina Topp will long be remembered in the annals of crime. It is speculation time again, what drove her to this monsterous act? For what it is worth here is my theory. They came home from the pub at four in the morning anticipating a night of passion when the ridiculously unlucky Mr Douglas in a state of ecstacy moaned "Oh Melanie" by accident, thus setting off the dreadful chain of events. Either that or she was a werewolf. Any better ideas ?

[The Atheist]

Yep, going by the evidence of Lorena Bobbit, I think most likely the former.

Certainly more emphatic than boiling the rabbit.

[prendrelemick]

However, every cloud has a silver lining.

According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry

[jocky]

However, every cloud has a silver lining.

According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry

Right enough Mick, it is always darkest before dawn. The aforesaid Mr Douglas could have a glittering career ahead as the lead Coloraturo soprano with the Newcastle Ladies Operatic Society. :)

[The Atheist]

However, every cloud has a silver lining.

According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry

That is true, although how well it performed under pressure, I couldn't say, not watching American adult comedies.

In the current case, I suspect jocky's a lot closer to the mark:


The aforesaid Mr Douglas could have a glittering career ahead as the lead Coloraturo soprano with the Newcastle Ladies Operatic Society. :)

[soundofmusic]

Och they are not all bad. I don't know about Mick and Paul but this put my testerone levels through the roof. ( Headphones please )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_l5ETBRqFU

I'm crestfallen, or do we Americans need more to make our testosterone rise...the girl didn't even take off her clothes:nonod:




OK I'll say it.

Sounds like a load of bo11ocks to me.

There thats got that over with. I wonder if they can stich them back on. If they're not to chewed.

Haha, :iagree: They claimed they sewed them right back; now whether they do their job properly may be another thing.



Yep, going by the evidence of Lorena Bobbit, I think most likely the former.

Certainly more emphatic than boiling the rabbit.

I would have loved to see all those police hunting for Johns willie in the middle of the street...:rolleyes5:


However, every cloud has a silver lining.

According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry

Did you ever see pictures of that thing after they fixed it...hideous; looked like badly packed link sausage. The only women who would want to see that are the sort that would sleep with quasimoto:sick:

[prendrelemick]

Speaking of women of easy virtue. The other day I was replenishing my veterinary supplies, and did a google search for Plaster of Paris Bandages. Up popped an article entitled- "Paris Hilton, Bondage." Marvellous thing this Internet .

[jocky]

How not to explain the birds and bees to your son

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9_kTOgjT3E

[The Atheist]

Speaking of women of easy virtue. The other day I was replenishing my veterinary supplies, and did a google search for Plaster of Paris Bandages. Up popped an article entitled- "Paris Hilton, Bondage." Marvellous thing this Internet .

Haha!

That is exactly why my kids don't do searches unaided.


How not to explain the birds and bees to your son

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9_kTOgjT3E

It's funny because it's how most parents approach the subject - badly, and too late. My kids have caused many old-fashioned looks to be directed at me thanks to something one of my little ones has said in public.

[soundofmusic]

Speaking of women of easy virtue. The other day I was replenishing my veterinary supplies, and did a google search for Plaster of Paris Bandages. Up popped an article entitled- "Paris Hilton, Bondage." Marvellous thing this Internet .

It's always a nice surprise to be looking up something mundane and have a naked woman pop up. A couple of times, though, wierd stuff popped up: children in bathtubs or S&M with hairy, obese people:sick: I was imagining what would happen if the FBI seized my hard drive; I was looking up hairstyles and childhood diseases...this just happened. Right, lady:nonod:



It's funny because it's how most parents approach the subject - badly, and too late. My kids have caused many old-fashioned looks to be directed at me thanks to something one of my little ones has said in public.

I remember when I found out at 10 where babies come from. My mother told me to keep it to myself; ARe you kidding...everybody has to know this:driving:
Blabbed it to my little friend at church, "My mother wouldn't do that!" Mom got a call from the pastor the next day and I couldn't play with my best friend anymore. :bawling:

[The Atheist]

:smilielol5:

Times were tough all over.

[soundofmusic]

How not to explain the birds and bees to your son

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9_kTOgjT3E

Wonderful clip, Jocky. It does amaze me sometimes how oblivious people are to the impossibility of them being a childs father. One fellow in my neighborhood is a pale blond who was out of the area until his girlfriend was 4 months pregnant, she is very religious however; so he thought nothing out of the ordinary when she presented him with a black baby:reddevil:

[Emil Miller]

Just been looking at some PC jokes, don't you just love 'em, and here's one which the PC brigade might find ageist. ( is there really such a word?)

An 80 year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. A week later, the doctor sees him walking down the High Street with a stunning blonde on his arm. She can't be a day over 25. The old boy sees the doctor and walks over. "Hello, doc," he says. "I did what you told me: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " "But that's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I told you: 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.'"

[The Atheist]

Nice!

And in the sad news department, we're sending the sun up your way for the next six months.

Jocky will no doubt appreciate the change!

<<<< hates southern autumnal equinox

[prendrelemick]

Just been looking at some PC jokes, don't you just love 'em, and here's one which the PC brigade might find ageist. ( is there really such a word?)

An 80 year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. A week later, the doctor sees him walking down the High Street with a stunning blonde on his arm. She can't be a day over 25. The old boy sees the doctor and walks over. "Hello, doc," he says. "I did what you told me: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " "But that's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I told you: 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.'"


About a year later he's back at the doctors with his new wife- the very same stunning blonde.

"Doctor, we are planning to have a baby, can you give us some advice."

" At your age" says the Doctor, "Your best bet is to take in a lodger"

Eight months later the doctor sees him in the High Street with his very pregnant wife.

The doctor congratulated them, and asked "Did you get a lodger in then?"

"Ah did doctor." the man winked, "and she's pregnant too."


Bernard Manning would be so proud.

[MarkBastable]

I'm not sure that this should be on the Bloke's Thread, because it's from a women's comedy sketchshow...

However....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PfhFM7aRQw

[Emil Miller]

About a year later he's back at the doctors with his new wife- the very same stunning blonde.

"Doctor, we are planning to have a baby, can you give us some advice."

" At your age" says the Doctor, "Your best bet is to take in a lodger"

Eight months later the doctor sees him in the High Street with his very pregnant wife.

The doctor congratulated them, and asked "Did you get a lodger in then?"

"Ah did doctor." the man winked, "and she's pregnant too."


Bernard Manning would be so proud.

:lol: I wish I knew the secret of his success.

[Paulclem]

A woman's comedy sketch show... they do say women are perceptive...

it was a good series.

[MarkBastable]

Edited ...replied to comment that disappeared.

[Paulclem]

Ah - that explains it then.

Too much insight is a bad thing..

[MarkBastable]

Wait, wait.

Can one of us just type something and stick to it?

[Paulclem]

Wait, wait.

Can one of us just type something and stick to it?

My fault. :lol:

The moon's in Tagetes or something, and I'm dithering.

[The Atheist]

I'm not sure that this should be on the Bloke's Thread, because it's from a women's comedy sketchshow...

Very good! I'd never heard of them, but Im watching more now.

[soundofmusic]

Just been looking at some PC jokes, don't you just love 'em, and here's one which the PC brigade might find ageist. ( is there really such a word?)

An 80 year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. A week later, the doctor sees him walking down the High Street with a stunning blonde on his arm. She can't be a day over 25. The old boy sees the doctor and walks over. "Hello, doc," he says. "I did what you told me: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " "But that's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I told you: 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.'"

Brilliant :lol:

Nice!

And in the sad news department, we're sending the sun up your way for the next six months.

Jocky will no doubt appreciate the change!

<<<< hates southern autumnal equinox

So you must tell us of your weather, ours is cool and mild at night with just a tinge of heat in the daytime.


About a year later he's back at the doctors with his new wife- the very same stunning blonde.

"Doctor, we are planning to have a baby, can you give us some advice."

" At your age" says the Doctor, "Your best bet is to take in a lodger"

Eight months later the doctor sees him in the High Street with his very pregnant wife.

The doctor congratulated them, and asked "Did you get a lodger in then?"

"Ah did doctor." the man winked, "and she's pregnant too."


Bernard Manning would be so proud.

VEry good, did you make that up?


I'm not sure that this should be on the Bloke's Thread, because it's from a women's comedy sketchshow...

However....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PfhFM7aRQw

Brilliant, Mark


Very good! I'd never heard of them, but Im watching more now.

Which brings me to a question. One of my young friends told me that women are always trying to trick men into impregnating them; the boys mother agreed. I told him I think that would be ridiculous now, since men don't feel the obligation to marry a woman anymore or even support the child. What is the blokes opinion?

[soundofmusic]

Ah - that explains it then.

Too much insight is a bad thing..

I wish someone would enlighten me; this sounds like a heck of a topic...What could possibly be in the blokes thread that was removed?

[Emil Miller]

I was going to post this in the Tell Me a Joke thread but discretion is the better part of valour.

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

[MarkBastable]

I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."

[Paulclem]

I wish someone would enlighten me; this sounds like a heck of a topic...What could possibly be in the blokes thread that was removed?

It was me dithering Sounds. i watched Mark's clip and posted and edited and changed my mind. I wish it had been something scandalous now. Reality is such a let down at times.

[prendrelemick]

:
Brilliant :lol:





VEry good, did you make that up?



Which brings me to a question. One of my young friends told me that women are always trying to trick men into impregnating them; the boys mother agreed. I told him I think that would be ridiculous now, since men don't feel the obligation to marry a woman anymore or even support the child. What is the blokes opinion?

Not me, its a very old joke.

It happens, I'm sure, but I'd say rarely rather than "always".


I was going to post this in the Tell Me a Joke thread but discretion is the better part of valour.

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

:lol::lol:


I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."

You have created Everyman. :thumbsup:


Atheist: Just to let you know, the sun has arrived safe and well.:coolgleamA:

[The Atheist]

So you must tell us of your weather, ours is cool and mild at night with just a tinge of heat in the daytime.

Longest, hottest summer in history. Still 25 degrees here in the daytime, which is 3 or 4 above the usual for late March.

We might not bother with winter this year.

(Wait till the weather gods see that!)



Which brings me to a question. One of my young friends told me that women are always trying to trick men into impregnating them; the boys mother agreed. I told him I think that would be ridiculous now, since men don't feel the obligation to marry a woman anymore or even support the child. What is the blokes opinion?

I agree with you - nobody sees pregnancy as a reason for marriage any more.


He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

:smililol5:


I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."

Worked! Very funny.


Atheist: Just to let you know, the sun has arrived safe and well.:coolgleamA:

Goodo! Mind the sheep don't get sunburned if your summer is anything like ours.

[Paulclem]

Should I start a new thread on "things they've got today, that we never had when we were kids", or should I just keep in in the curmudgeon's thread?

It'd be like an anti-Monty Python Yorkshire Blokes thread...if you see what I mean.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1by0-nkKOTs&feature=fvst

I mean, I was passing a kids playground today with slides and a climbing frame, and all kinds of stuff - in a school! We were lucky if we got a concrete pipe to play in. (I wasn't). Most of the time we had to make do with a muddy embankment.

[prendrelemick]

Muddy embankment!...Luxury.

(why do I always revert to my cultural stereotype when "The Old Days" are mentioned. )


Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.

[Paulclem]

Muddy embankment!...Luxury.

(why do I always revert to my cultural stereotype when "The Old Days" are mentioned. )


Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.

Aye. The fun that can be had in weed choked beck.

[Madhuri]

Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.

That was a really good match. I never thought India would even come this far, and beating Australia was next to impossible. They did well.

The next match with Pak will be even more interesting :)

[The Atheist]

Muddy embankment!...Luxury.

:lol:

Was it more a case that there was so much more spare land that we used to amuse ourselves doing things without ever needing to go to a playground?

Want a swing? Find a tree.

Want a see-saw? Cut the tree down.



Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.

And a brilliant win!

Most Kiwis waking up very surprised [and happy] this morning.

[prendrelemick]

That was a really good match. I never thought India would even come this far, and beating Australia was next to impossible. They did well.

The next match with Pak will be even more interesting :)

Can't wait for that one. Sorry Madhuri, I think Pakistan are going to win the whole thing. That betting scandal has made them close ranks and become more determined.


:lol:



And a brilliant win!

Most Kiwis waking up very surprised [and happy] this morning.

Definitely the suprise team of the tournament you lot.

[soundofmusic]

I was going to post this in the Tell Me a Joke thread but discretion is the better part of valour.

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

I'm glad you brought it here, Emil; we blokes know how to do a belly laugh:cheers2::rofl:


I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."

Hope the end of the week is a bit more pleasant; you certainly brightened our day:aureola:


It was me dithering Sounds. i watched Mark's clip and posted and edited and changed my mind. I wish it had been something scandalous now. Reality is such a let down at times.

Dither...Paul doesn't dither...But yes, a nice scandal would be nice; but it would have to be about someone we could all disapprove of and not feel guilty about gossiping about; which reminds me, where has Gbrekken gone?


:


It happens, I'm sure, but I'd say rarely rather than "always".



Atheist: Just to let you know, the sun has arrived safe and well.:coolgleamA:

Yes, I would think it is the occasional; though, here in America, we do give people positive reinforcement for getting pregnant; a person can get a job, food stamps, education, child care and a huge tax bonus at the end of the year.
Is it spring again already; I'm just beginning to nail the celcius/farenheit math.


Longest, hottest summer in history. Still 25 degrees here in the daytime, which is 3 or 4 above the usual for late March.

We might not bother with winter this year.

(Wait till the weather gods see that!)

I agree with you - nobody sees pregnancy as a reason for marriage any more.


Goodo! Mind the sheep don't get sunburned if your summer is anything like ours.

I don't think I'd mind you keeping the sun a while longer; I would love the winter if it wasn't for the allergies and colds.


Should I start a new thread on "things they've got today, that we never had when we were kids", or should I just keep in in the curmudgeon's thread?

It'd be like an anti-Monty Python Yorkshire Blokes thread...if you see what I mean.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1by0-nkKOTs&feature=fvst

I mean, I was passing a kids playground today with slides and a climbing frame, and all kinds of stuff - in a school! We were lucky if we got a concrete pipe to play in. (I wasn't). Most of the time we had to make do with a muddy embankment.

Great link, Paul. Oh, and....playground, we had a broken rusty pipe and several beer cans, we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot...Johnny didn't make it...

[Paulclem]

Dither...Paul doesn't dither...But yes, a nice scandal would be nice; but it would have to be about someone we could all disapprove of and not feel guilty about gossiping about; which reminds me, where has Gbrekken gone?


I don't think I'd mind you keeping the sun a while longer; I would love the winter if it wasn't for the allergies and colds.

Great link, Paul. Oh, and....playground, we had a broken rusty pipe and several beer cans, we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot...Johnny didn't make it...

I can see how dithering doesn't go with the avatar, but once I've made up my mind, i can still consider other options...

I like the cooler climate, but yes the colds do com frequently. But with hot weather comes the sweating and the rashes. We're neither geared up for hot weather with air con here, or cold weather with great insulating clothing. We're jacks of all weathers.

we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot

And Miami looks such a nice place on CSI. Even the criminals are tanned and muscular - and that's just the ladies.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Should I start a new thread on "things they've got today, that we never had when we were kids", or should I just keep in in the curmudgeon's thread?...

...I mean, I was passing a kids playground today with slides and a climbing frame, and all kinds of stuff - in a school! We were lucky if we got a concrete pipe to play in. (I wasn't). Most of the time we had to make do with a muddy embankment.


...Great link, Paul. Oh, and....playground, we had a broken rusty pipe and several beer cans, we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot...Johnny didn't make it...

You know Paul, I was thinking you should turn that around and start a thread on the things we had back in the day that they don't have now.
Things like vacuum tubes, trees to climb, lead based paint, model electric trains and planes, stamp and coin collecting, hide and seek, tether ball, cut off jean shorts and bell bottoms, match box cars, ........

We used to crawl inside sections of storm sewer piping and roll down hills.
Now days I just roll down hill with a bottle of Wild Turkey.

Good times me lads...good times!


Gg

[prendrelemick]

Bright purple velvet suit, (with Flares) pink shirt, wide purple satin tie, irridescent platform shoes and plenty of hair. That was me in the early seventies out on the pull. It's a mystery how so many girls managed to resist such sartorial splendor.

[prendrelemick]

That was a really good match. I never thought India would even come this far, and beating Australia was next to impossible. They did well.

The next match with Pak will be even more interesting :)

This quote just about sums up Cricket in India. (For the Australia match)

Before last night's game one of our Indian liaison officers said: "The ground's capacity is 50,000 but 70,000 tickets have been sold and we will fit them all in."

[Madhuri]

For some, the next match is even more important than the WC. Here, many are planning to take an off that day, just for the match.

Pak has never won against Indian in a WC, but they are really doing good. They were the first one's to beat Australia after so many years, so you never know. They do stand a good chance.

[Paulclem]

You know Paul, I was thinking you should turn that around and start a thread on the things we had back in the day that they don't have now.
Things like vacuum tubes, trees to climb, lead based paint, model electric trains and planes, stamp and coin collecting, hide and seek, tether ball, cut off jean shorts and bell bottoms, match box cars, ........

We used to crawl inside sections of storm sewer piping and roll down hills.
Now days I just roll down hill with a bottle of Wild Turkey.

Good times me lads...good times!


Gg


Yeah - perhaps a combo thread - things we had, things they have.

We had measles, they get repetitive strain injury.

We had problems, they have issues.

We had matchbox cars and racing tracks to send them down, they have Grand Theft Auto.

I think it'll be a winner.

[Paulclem]

Bright purple velvet suit, (with Flares) pink shirt, wide purple satin tie, irridescent platform shoes and plenty of hair. That was me in the early seventies out on the pull. It's a mystery how so many girls managed to resist such sartorial splendor.

I was later. In those days I was too poor to dress fashionably ie as a punk. It was back to drainpipes when I was about. We didn't have embarrassing photos with flaired hair and dandelion trousers, (or should that be the other way round?), but there were chafing problems.

[Big Dante]

Sri Lanka were pretty impressive over England. They're my new pick now South Africa is out.

[prendrelemick]

It's hard to say how good teams are that beat England, but they have to be favourites to get to the final, they will have home advantage against New Zealand.

[Emil Miller]

Here's another one tailor made for the Bloke's thread.


A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

[DocHeart]

Once, after trying the back door with a girl I don't remember, I went for a pee the next morning and noticed (with horror) two black dots on the tip of Mr. Mustang. Upon closer inspection, I discovered (with some relief) that they were watermellon pips.

[The Atheist]

... irridescent platform shoes ...

I wasn't quite as colourful, but did wear platforms all the time. At 6'3" to start, with 3 inch platforms and a girlfriend at 4'11" in flat shoes, I used to get a lot of looks of all kinds.


For some, the next match is even more important than the WC. Here, many are planning to take an off that day, just for the match.

If we can somehow beat the 'Lankans, both India & Pakistan might be too tired to get up again!


They were the first one's to beat Australia...

I'm arranging for the entire team to be knighted as we speak.

:D


...that they were watermellon pips.

I'd be more disturbed to find watermelon pips!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Here's another one tailor made for the Bloke's thread.

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress...

...He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

Haha...great one Brian / Emil !!
btw, May I still address you as Brian?

Speaking of watermelon seeds, we typically have quite a few on the stoop just outside our back door during summer. We attempt to spit them over the backyard fence. Not sure if the Doc is referring to that type of back door.
Regardless, I thought I'd share that with you.

.

[OrphanPip]

The joke is that the girl was a watermelon.

[prendrelemick]

I was later. In those days I was too poor to dress fashionably ie as a punk. It was back to drainpipes when I was about. We didn't have embarrassing photos with flaired hair and dandelion trousers, (or should that be the other way round?), but there were chafing problems.



You know many fashonistas and social commentators have written many words and articles on the moment when the 70's male stopped dressing like a peacock. They all have it wrong, I know, I was there. For us, living in Hull, it was Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way But Loose. The week after it was on at the local cinema it was denim drainpipes and market boots all round. Most of us still resembled the Orang utan rather than Clint.

[Emil Miller]

Haha...great one Brian / Emil !!
btw, May I still address you as Brian?


You can if you prefer it Gilliatt. I had it changed to my pen name because it seems more appropriate for a literature site. I should have used it in the first instance but I saw the name box and automatically entered my name. It was only when I took a closer look that I saw that virtually anything could be used.

[Paulclem]

You know many fashonistas and social commentators have written many words and articles on the moment when the 70's male stopped dressing like a peacock. They all have it wrong, I know, I was there. For us, living in Hull, it was Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way But Loose. The week after it was on at the local cinema it was denim drainpipes and market boots all round. Most of us still resembled the Orang utan rather than Clint.

:lol:

I was laughing in the office at this. They're used to me now...

I have notoriously bandy legs - couldn't stop a pig in a passage - and also have been referred to as a simian type. Not hairy though - more... transclucent.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

A few relics I sported in my prime:

Earth Shoes

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTX059CIeeN1us6rnTl-CIN3AadR8HjorPmfNDAkwHEimtDR3IUWw

Chukka Boots

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_MDvoweI4asVXPLKjx0rpuk3azdt5C L4pxkTsj9yDeX3uDxP6

Bell Bottom jeans

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSNmNsZczbT8WetkdRBxUVSZLQQUJPRh XxFh8-wjKODte4oSffv

I remember modifying a pair by cutting the seams up to the knee and inserting a triangular piece of colorful fabric to increase the bell diameter at the foot. They were tough to run in especially when the pants became saturated with beer or rain.


Bell Bottom anthem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKAYGVIkbok


.

[Paulclem]

Haha. I dd the opposite. Opened the seams up the leg and sewed them in. By this time they were selling off flairs in the cheapo shops. If you didn't get it right though, you ended up with unsightly lumps at the knees. Yes, that was me.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Wow!
If the knock-knees were showing, you must have really taken the slack out!
Yeah, I caught the tail end of the bell bottom phase, I'm certain my mother was breathing a sigh of relief when the straight legs came into vogue.
One wash load could accomplish what used to take three!

.

[The Atheist]

For us, living in Hull, it was Clint Eastwood in Every Which Way But Loose. The week after it was on at the local cinema it was denim drainpipes and market boots all round. Most of us still resembled the Orang utan rather than Clint.

:lol:


You can if you prefer it Gilliatt. I had it changed to my pen name because it seems more appropriate for a literature site. I should have used it in the first instance but I saw the name box and automatically entered my name. It was only when I took a closer look that I saw that virtually anything could be used.

You know, it's taken me this long to figure it out. We need to have a system like the old banns before marriage - have it announced every Sunday for a month so people know who's who!


I remember modifying a pair by cutting the seams up to the knee and inserting a triangular piece of colorful fabric to increase the bell diameter at the foot. They were tough to run in especially when the pants became saturated with beer or rain.

Ah, but bell-bottoms had a huge advantage - which may not have been apparent to you.

To attend rugby games, one has to submit to searches of baggage and person to ensure no booze is carried into the ground.

Bell-bottoms and rugby socks; I could get a six-pack into the ground and nobody ever noticed. Those and hip-flask of scotch thrust deep in my undies and I was always set!

[prendrelemick]

:lol:




Bell-bottoms and rugby socks; I could get a six-pack into the ground and nobody ever noticed. Those and hip-flask of scotch thrust deep in my undies and I was always set!



:lol:


My Afro hairstyle could could do the same.

[Paulclem]

I used a catheter bag on the inside of my denim jacket, with a little hole for the pipe and tap with which to fill up my pot in pubs. I was a bit short of cash in those days.

[Madhuri]

In the finals :banana:

[prendrelemick]

^ Congratulations. You are now almost there. Can't wait for Muri vs Tendulkar.

[Paulclem]

Here's two great jokes by Bill Bailey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNEWatD0viw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTU_RluZvBw&feature=related

Superb.

[Emil Miller]

:lol:
You know, it's taken me this long to figure it out. We need to have a system like the old banns before marriage - have it announced every Sunday for a month so people know who's who!

I'm sorry for any confusion and admit that I should have used the pen name in the first instance. The trouble with these sites is that people don't want to be known; some are paranoid that the NWO will target them because they like a big Mac rather than an organically modified meal.
However, on reflection, I can see where the NWO are coming from.

[Big Dante]

^ Congratulations. You are now almost there. Can't wait for Muri vs Tendulkar.

Should be a good battle and a good match. I'll be happy with whoever wins it.

[prendrelemick]

Here's two great jokes by Bill Bailey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNEWatD0viw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTU_RluZvBw&feature=related

Superb.



:lol:

Have you seen his tribute to Kraftwerk? Nearly laughed me socks off!

[Paulclem]

I have and did. He's brilliant.

[prendrelemick]

Should be a good battle and a good match. I'll be happy with whoever wins it.

So will I, but India must be huge favourites, all they need to do is bowl straight, their batting should see them home.

[Big Dante]

So will I, but India must be huge favourites, all they need to do is bowl straight, their batting should see them home.

True but the form of Dilshan, (other openers name has slipped me) and Sangakarra could prove a surprise. It starts in half an hour. Looks like my plans for the night are sorted.

[prendrelemick]

With Tendulkar on 99 international centuries, and in his home town, in the final of the world cup. the script is half written. (Just like it was for Bradman's 100 batting average all those years ago.)

[Madhuri]

We won!! :banana:

[prendrelemick]

Congratulations! They handled the pressure so well. Party time for a billion Indians.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

I'll second that; congratulations to India.


.

[The Atheist]

We won!! :banana:


Congratulations! They handled the pressure so well. Party time for a billion Indians.

Absolutely!

It'd be worth being there just to see a billion people partying.

[Big Dante]

Pretty good win for India.
The six from Dhoni to finish it too, they have a pretty good reason to party.

[Madhuri]

It was crazy here last night....people started celebrating when there were 11 runs remaining. I could hear people rejoicing at every 4 and 6 and the moment we won they started bursting firecrackers. It was amazing! No one slept the entire night..

Initially, when Sehwag and Tendulkar got out, I lost all hope. Then there was Gambhir (poor guy got out at 97) and Dhoni and his last six was fabulous. :) After 28 years, we won again :D :banana:

[Emil Miller]

Here's another fit for the blokes.

A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself hmm, I bet her daughter is hot. Then of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsman's double. Whats that? he asks. Its a mother and daughter threesome she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts.......

Mum are you still awake!!!!

[Paulclem]

It was crazy here last night....people started celebrating when there were 11 runs remaining. I could hear people rejoicing at every 4 and 6 and the moment we won they started bursting firecrackers. It was amazing! No one slept the entire night..

Initially, when Sehwag and Tendulkar got out, I lost all hope. Then there was Gambhir (poor guy got out at 97) and Dhoni and his last six was fabulous. :) After 28 years, we won again :D :banana:

Well done India. I like the place and the people, and i can imagine the celebrations.

[Emil Miller]

If it wasn't for this thread little gems like this would go to waste.

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman’s apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself “I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening.” So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said “What was that?” And the Invisible Man said, “I don’t know but my ******* hurts like hell!”

[Big Dante]

If it wasn't for this thread little gems like this would go to waste.

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman’s apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself “I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening.” So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said “What was that?” And the Invisible Man said, “I don’t know but my ******* hurts like hell!”

Some of these are frightful.

Yet very enjoyable, me wants more :lurk5:

[Emil Miller]

So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies"
"Sure" the bartender replies, "do you want them both now or one at a time?"
"Oh, both now" replies the guy, "one's for me and one's for my little friend here" and with that the guy pulls a three inch tall man out of his shirt pocket.
The Bartender looked at the little man in amazement and asked, "Can he drink?"
"Sure" replied the guy and with that the three inch tall man supped back his whiskey.
"That's amazing" replied the bartender, "what else can he do? Can he walk?"
With that the guy flips a quarter down to the other end of the bar and asks the little fella to get it. Sure enough, he runs down the bar and retrieves the coin, picks it up and jogs back to the guy.
"That really is amazing" replied the bartender, "Can he talk?"
"Of course" says the guy, "Hey Jim, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you called that witch-doctor a w***er

[Emil Miller]

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away.
Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop.
My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other.
"Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'

[The Atheist]

After all the beautiful weather, we're finally having our first cold snap today.

Still 16 degrees here, though, but lots of single numbers down south - and that's the day's high.

Next up, the winter viruses...

Tropical island needed, apply here!

[prendrelemick]

Why is the world ordered the way it is?

Particularly the world of sport. You have the fans - rowdy and enthusiastic, who are the life blood. The participants, varying in skill, but all dedicated and imbued with a love of the game, they are the focus and the interest around who the whole industry revolves.

Then you have the administrators. The idiots in charge, (famously named as "Old farts") who constantly make stupid decisions, like restricting the next Cricket world championship to the 10 test nations.


Rugby, Football, Cricket, Athletics, Bowls, Darts, its all the same

[Big Dante]

Why is the world ordered the way it is?

Particularly the world of sport. You have the fans - rowdy and enthusiastic, who are the life blood. The participants, varying in skill, but all dedicated and imbued with a love of the game, they are the focus and the interest around who the whole industry revolves.

Then you have the administrators. The idiots in charge, (famously named as "Old farts") who constantly make stupid decisions, like restricting the next Cricket world championship to the 10 test nations.


Rugby, Football, Cricket, Athletics, Bowls, Darts, its all the same


So they did change it. It really makes no sense, it gives more excitement to the competition to watch the minows get their chance and they always pull off upsets.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. .....
...Mum are you still awake!!!!


...Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman
...but my ******* hurts like hell!”


So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies"
...you called that witch-doctor a w***er


Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
... 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'


haha
I'm beginning to see a pattern:
First a bottle of Cote du Rhone then a joke
A Brooklyn lager - joke
Theakstons old Peculiar - joke
Duvel - joke

I'd like to see what you come up with following a bottle of Night Train!


.

[Emil Miller]

Here's an item far more worthy than sport to adorn a bloke's thread.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/8422910/French-mayor-removes-statue-because-its-breasts-are-too-big.html

I don't know what he's complaining about, it might have been modelled on these.

http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/3108/thiswomanhaslargebreast.jpg


P.S. Gilliatt, I've got another lined up for the Night Train.

[prendrelemick]

Here's another fit for the blokes.

A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself hmm, I bet her daughter is hot. Then of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsman's double. Whats that? he asks. Its a mother and daughter threesome she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts.......

Mum are you still awake!!!!



Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago. I went to the then newly opened Beer Kellar in Hull, where they served Stien lager by the litre. I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."

"Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...

I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.

[Emil Miller]

Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago. I went to the then newly opened Beer Kellar in Hull, where they served Stien lager by the litre. I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."

"Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...

I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.

Yes it's easy to get carried away (no pun intended) at such locations; I've been pretty much the same at the Munich Oktoberfest a few times but if someone gets too rowdy they have black uniformed guards to deal with it and that's where one is likely to end up with hospitalisation.
I was once in a beer hall with some German friends and some Scotsmen started throwing chairs about, there was only one guard on duty and he told us to get out. When I asked why, he said that the police were on their way and when they arrived they would deal with anyone who was there in no small measure. Having on a previous occasion shared a table with a group of off duty policemen I would have hated to be around when their colleagues turned up. Unlike our boy scouts they do things properly there.

[DocHeart]

I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."



God, that keeps happening to me. I mean, I've laid some good-looking women along the way, but there are more than a few occasions on which alcohol has - how does one put it - distorted my judgement. Such occasions include the incident with a waitress who was missing so many teeth she could have come out of a Bukowski novel and a short, round but stout, dumpy but muscular thing with outrageous acne and huge ears who (I later found) was in the olympic women's weight-lifting team.

[Paulclem]

Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago. I went to the then newly opened Beer Kellar in Hull, where they served Stien lager by the litre. I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."

"Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...

I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.

You didn't ever knock about with the Kinks did you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixqbc7X2NQY

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago...
..."Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...

I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.


You didn't ever knock about with the Kinks did you?


Great story and fitting song.

Did someone mention Adrienne and her attributes?

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLV19-hY_3hVAylahs86qHt843iOuBP9V8tgn9tpnOx1hNZZ4CdQ

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS3yFikdyJ8DcAfLRgST---akD5T2LxiuSX6ztdlDIXm7AblWuQHg


.

[The Atheist]

Rugby, Football, Cricket, Athletics, Bowls, Darts, its all the same

I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.


I mean, I've laid some good-looking women along the way, but there are more than a few occasions on which alcohol has - how does one put it - distorted my judgement.

I'm too scared to even try to recall a couple, but I remember one vividly. After the dozen or so pints, she was another Twiggy or Bardot and I built her up to my mates that I'd made this amazing catch at the pub on Saturday night.

We had planned a major outing to the lake for water skiing the next day, so I dutifully arrived in the minibus to pick her up, having primed the lads along the way to expect a goddess.

The laughs that started when the boys saw my face as I caught a look at her in daylight continued until after we'd got back on the bus.

Oh my word. The most embarrassed I've been in my life - it would have been mild if she'd only been a weightlifter!

[Big Dante]

I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.



I'm too scared to even try to recall a couple, but I remember one vividly. After the dozen or so pints, she was another Twiggy or Bardot and I built her up to my mates that I'd made this amazing catch at the pub on Saturday night.

We had planned a major outing to the lake for water skiing the next day, so I dutifully arrived in the minibus to pick her up, having primed the lads along the way to expect a goddess.

The laughs that started when the boys saw my face as I caught a look at her in daylight continued until after we'd got back on the bus.

Oh my word. The most embarrassed I've been in my life - it would have been mild if she'd only been a weightlifter!


:smilielol5: Haha some interesting stories here. At 16 all of these are still ahead of me :brow:

[Emil Miller]

Great story and fitting song.

Did someone mention Adrienne and her attributes?

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLV19-hY_3hVAylahs86qHt843iOuBP9V8tgn9tpnOx1hNZZ4CdQ


Adreienne's attributes do not weigh heavily in the balance compared to this lady. She appears to be having some difficulty doing sit-ups but it would be interesting to see her doing press-ups.

http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/6374/toobig.jpg

[soundofmusic]

I can see how dithering doesn't go with the avatar, but once I've made up my mind, i can still consider other options...

I like the cooler climate, but yes the colds do com frequently. But with hot weather comes the sweating and the rashes. We're neither geared up for hot weather with air con here, or cold weather with great insulating clothing. We're jacks of all weathers.

we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot

And Miami looks such a nice place on CSI. Even the criminals are tanned and muscular - and that's just the ladies.

You sound like you have sensitive skin like I do; a person pays a price for all these recessive genes:cryin:
What kills me with the Miami shows is that they take shots from 20 years ago and often, all over Florida. Some are taken in Orlando, some in the evergades, some on the west coast. I think most of our criminals are greasy, tatooed and overly thin from too much cocaine.


You know Paul, I was thinking you should turn that around and start a thread on the things we had back in the day that they don't have now.
Things like vacuum tubes, trees to climb, lead based paint, model electric trains and planes, stamp and coin collecting, hide and seek, tether ball, cut off jean shorts and bell bottoms, match box cars, ........

We used to crawl inside sections of storm sewer piping and roll down hills.
Now days I just roll down hill with a bottle of Wild Turkey.

Good times me lads...good times!

Gg

Nowadays, rolling in sewer piping might get you into toxic waste...


Bright purple velvet suit, (with Flares) pink shirt, wide purple satin tie, irridescent platform shoes and plenty of hair. That was me in the early seventies out on the pull. It's a mystery how so many girls managed to resist such sartorial splendor.

Ah, the old days when a man could wear pink and no one called him a sissie:boxing_smiley:


Here's another one tailor made for the Bloke's thread.


A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

I think that may be the best one yet. They do say that working out will shrink the goodies...


Once, after trying the back door with a girl I don't remember, I went for a pee the next morning and noticed (with horror) two black dots on the tip of Mr. Mustang. Upon closer inspection, I discovered (with some relief) that they were watermellon pips.

I've always said mixing food and sex is a bad idea!


The joke is that the girl was a watermelon.

Yeah, it did sound that way, didn't it:smilielol5:

A few relics I sported in my prime:

Earth Shoes

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTX059CIeeN1us6rnTl-CIN3AadR8HjorPmfNDAkwHEimtDR3IUWw

Chukka Boots

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_MDvoweI4asVXPLKjx0rpuk3azdt5C L4pxkTsj9yDeX3uDxP6

Bell Bottom jeans

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSNmNsZczbT8WetkdRBxUVSZLQQUJPRh XxFh8-wjKODte4oSffv

I remember modifying a pair by cutting the seams up to the knee and inserting a triangular piece of colorful fabric to increase the bell diameter at the foot. They were tough to run in especially when the pants became saturated with beer or rain.


Bell Bottom anthem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKAYGVIkbok


.

I wish they would make proper square toed shoes now; I was walking around in these little sandal heels the other day...haven't been able to walk since:mad5:
Did you ever try to bicycle in bell bottoms...


:lol:



You know, it's taken me this long to figure it out. We need to have a system like the old banns before marriage - have it announced every Sunday for a month so people know who's who!



Ah, but bell-bottoms had a huge advantage - which may not have been apparent to you.

To attend rugby games, one has to submit to searches of baggage and person to ensure no booze is carried into the ground.

Bell-bottoms and rugby socks; I could get a six-pack into the ground and nobody ever noticed. Those and hip-flask of scotch thrust deep in my undies and I was always set!

Oh, so that was what they were for. Remember how long we used to wear them and they'd drag the ground.


:lol:


My Afro hairstyle could could do the same.

I think Cher was the only Caucasian that ever managed to pull off an Afro..

Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?

[The Atheist]

Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?

No, it isn't your imagination. Every time you're gone we do a big PM around to organise a party that you miss out on!

We feel you'd be a bad example to the younger women.

:party:

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?

It is nice to have you back!
Us curmudgeons were getting restless for some eye candy.


Something I heard on the news this morning.
"Historians to exhume remains of Mona Lisa"

http://www.news.com.au/technology/art-historians-to-exhume-remains-of-mona-lisa-inspiration/story-e6frfro0-1226035106237


http://resources0.news.com.au/images/2011/04/07/1226035/182124-mona-lisa.jpg

.

[prendrelemick]

I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.



Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.

[The Atheist]

I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/funny.gif



Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.

That's easy - just look where her eyes are. She's checking out the naked male model in the next studio.

[Paulclem]

When I visited the Louvre a few years ago there was a crowd of people around the Mona Lisa, and you couldn't get near. I was disappointed until I noticed behind us that the Wedding Feast at Cana by Veronese was on the wall. We had it all to ourselves. In my opinion it's a much more impressive picture.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_at_Cana

[prendrelemick]

I reckon her face is too big for her head.

[soundofmusic]

No, it isn't your imagination. Every time you're gone we do a big PM around to organise a party that you miss out on!

We feel you'd be a bad example to the younger women.

:party:

:hand: I guess I'm going to have to start warning all the strippers on litnet before I leave...and maybe some women too:smilielol5:


It is nice to have you back!
Us curmudgeons were getting restless for some eye candy.


.

Thank you Gilliatt, it's good to still be considered eye candy. I went to a party this week, someone took some pictures of me and it's done some real damage to my self esteem...I swear the chair I was sitting on disappeared when I was sitting on it:blush5:


I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.

Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.

Wouldn't it be interesting if it was a missed brush stroke that caused all the excitement over the years. I was looking at one famous painter a while back and noticed that all of his women have 2 left legs.


Here's another fit for the blokes.

A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself hmm, I bet her daughter is hot. Then of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsman's double. Whats that? he asks. Its a mother and daughter threesome she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts.......

Mum are you still awake!!!!

I love that one:smilielol5: Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?




I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.


[QUOTE=Big Dante;1022509]:smilielol5: Haha some interesting stories here. At 16 all of these are still ahead of me :brow:

Wow, Dante, here you are hanging out with these blokes and your mom is thinkng, "Such a nice boy; spending his time talking literature" :brow:


Adreienne's attributes do not weigh heavily in the balance compared to this lady. She appears to be having some difficulty doing sit-ups but it would be interesting to see her doing press-ups.

http://img576.imageshack.us/img576/6374/toobig.jpg

Is this for real? What does a person do with those?


http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/funny.gif


That's easy - just look where her eyes are. She's checking out the naked male model in the next studio.
Atheist, where did you find a site like this? I don't think we have anything like it in America:yikes:


When I visited the Louvre a few years ago there was a crowd of people around the Mona Lisa, and you couldn't get near. I was disappointed until I noticed behind us that the Wedding Feast at Cana by Veronese was on the wall. We had it all to ourselves. In my opinion it's a much more impressive picture.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_at_Cana


That is a spectacular painting! There always seems to be those few pics that everyone is blocking in the museums...very annoying.

[Emil Miller]

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;1023111]:

I love that one:smilielol5: Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?
Well it beats buy one get one free in the supermarket.



Is this for real? What does a person do with those?

I could imagine a number of things most guys would do with them.

[The Atheist]

Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?

It's an odd one; I know it's quite popular.

I also know a lot of men have a thing for their mother-in-law, which is genetically probable, I imagine. Heck, Sigmund Frood made a whole career out of that stuff.


Now twins....

(This thread's going to get into trouble if we keep this tack up!)

[prendrelemick]

Daughter number three brought home her new boyfriend t'other day. He's a lumberjack - seems like a decent feller.

[Emil Miller]

Daughter number three brought home her new boyfriend t'other day. He's a lumberjack - seems like a decent feller.

Ah well, somebody had to do it.:biggrin5:

http://youtu.be/R_l2WEOqA1g

[soundofmusic]

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;1023111]:

I love that one:smilielol5: Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?
Well it beats buy one get one free in the supermarket.


Is this for real? What does a person do with those?

I could imagine a number of things most guys would do with them.

Maybe mother/daughter teams are alittle better of a deal than father/son...the last fellow I spent time with had a father who was rather amusing, and somewhat good looking...when he wasn't walking backward:shocked:
I guess you could hook them up to one of those constant movement contraptions and put them on your desk.


It's an odd one; I know it's quite popular.

I also know a lot of men have a thing for their mother-in-law, which is genetically probable, I imagine. Heck, Sigmund Frood made a whole career out of that stuff.


Now twins....

(This thread's going to get into trouble if we keep this tack up!)

Ah yes, twins might be better; Hefner really seems to be into that. What freaks me out is that the twins seem to often be more into each other:ihih:


Daughter number three brought home her new boyfriend t'other day. He's a lumberjack - seems like a decent feller.

So is he a big fellow or small and wiry? Don't think I'd like those rough hands on my soft skin...


Ah well, somebody had to do it.:biggrin5:

http://youtu.be/R_l2WEOqA1g

Love that one...

Hey, has JOcky ran off again?

[Paulclem]

I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/Spring%202011/P100411_1916.jpg

[Paulclem]

My other new shed is... not so new either.

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/Spring%202011/P200311_1134.jpg

[Paulclem]

I don't want to give you lads and ladies the impression that I'm becoming an allotment magnate, gradually taking over the "real estate" in order to gain huge sell off profits. No, I've just moved from my original allotment piece to one nearest my newest on my side of the lane. I still only have one allotment. it's just one that is in two halves separated by Fred's allotment in the middle.

Here's the newest acquisition.

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/Spring%202011/P060311_1106.jpg

As you can see, there's a bit of work to do on it.

Also, on Thursday, I'm off to the Annual AGM of the allotment site in a club not too far from here, (The Standard Triumph Club no less - a relic of the once booming car industry here in coventry, though the last time I was there it did smell a bit damp - and not a nice beery damp either).

I'm expecting an uprorious night with the old geezers moaning and complaining at the committee. I should have a tale or two when I get back - especially as I suggested to a couple of committee members that I propose a vote of thanks for the committee. I might have been tarred and feathered by the time i get back.

[prendrelemick]

Now those are what I call Real Sheds, rat's nests underneath, swallows in the rafters, Ivy inside and out, unlabelled bottles of long banned pesticides on the shelves, rusty implements for wattaling up yer brindles and spliceing yer corms. Marvellous!


I'm quite jealous.

[Paulclem]

Now those are what I call Real Sheds, rat's nests underneath, swallows in the rafters, Ivy inside and out, unlabelled bottles of long banned pesticides on the shelves, rusty implements for wattaling up yer brindles and spliceing yer corms. Marvellous!


I'm quite jealous.

:lol:

All I need is an old armchair and a radio and I'm away.

I like the effort to spruce up the second shed - gives it a bit of artistic zing with the flower on the side.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...Hey, has JOcky ran off again?

Looks like it, but now I have a good hunch where he's hold up!


I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.

Paul,
Be cautious when opening that door, you're likely to find a drunken Scotsman inside.

.

[Big Dante]

I think I saw that first shed in Rambo. The only problem with that is that things in Rambo last 10 seconds before exploding so it must be a different shed.

[Paulclem]

Looks like it, but now I have a good hunch where he's hold up!



Paul,
Be cautious when opening that door, you're likely to find a drunken Scotsman inside.

.

:lol:

You're right. I'll take a pointy stick with me and jab it in a few times.

[Paulclem]

I think I saw that first shed in Rambo. The only problem with that is that things in Rambo last 10 seconds before exploding so it must be a different shed.


It does have a previously exploded look about it.

What a thread this is where a man can comfortably come and talk about his sheds without fear of ridicule.

:lol:

[prendrelemick]

I love the external cladding held on by string. (shed 2) Very innovative.

I'm sure Gilliat has already spotted it and is pitching it to a client right now.

[Emil Miller]

The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.

http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/1391/emintent.jpg

[Paulclem]

The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.

http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/1391/emintent.jpg

Agreed. There is an air of desperation about the second shed. I'll have to give it a proper name.

[soundofmusic]

I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/Spring%202011/P100411_1916.jpg

That looks exactly like my yard and laundry room; how do doors wind up 2 inchs below your soil line? That land looks like a good bit of work; what are you planning to do with it?


Now those are what I call Real Sheds, rat's nests underneath, swallows in the rafters, Ivy inside and out, unlabelled bottles of long banned pesticides on the shelves, rusty implements for wattaling up yer brindles and spliceing yer corms. Marvellous!


I'm quite jealous.

Yep, exactly like my laundry room...do you have that unique smell you get when there's a bit of water and the occasional small animal hauls up inside?


Looks like it, but now I have a good hunch where he's hold up!



Paul,
Be cautious when opening that door, you're likely to find a drunken Scotsman inside.

.

Ah ha...you know, I think this time Parker and he are both there...Atheist, have you seen Parker in a while?


I think I saw that first shed in Rambo. The only problem with that is that things in Rambo last 10 seconds before exploding so it must be a different shed.

No doubt, Parker has probably brought his entire cache of liquor in there.




The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.

http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/1391/emintent.jpg

This is an exhibit? It looks like something from Liberaces girl scout days.

[prendrelemick]

The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.

http://img683.imageshack.us/img683/1391/emintent.jpg




(Talk among yourselves while I make an arty joke)


Hang on a minute, Brian, isn't that your name in the top left hand corner?

[The Atheist]

Here's the newest acquisition.

Mate, you have got potential plus there!

I see rows of potatoes to make Ireland jealous.

[Paulclem]

That looks exactly like my yard and laundry room; how do doors wind up 2 inchs below your soil line? That land looks like a good bit of work; what are you planning to do with it?



I've got some stuff growing in our small platic greenhouses at home to put in. Beetroot, courgettes/zuchini, cabbages, lettuces, carrots and parsnips.

A bit of digging is required again this year. I hope the old back holds out.

[Paulclem]

Mate, you have got potential plus there!

I see rows of potatoes to make Ireland jealous.

Yes, I've got my first and second earlies in already in the other plot with the shed from last year. My maincrop is chitting at the moment, but should be ready by the weekend. It was an Irish guy who had my other plot last. He left a home made spade with a really long handle to reach into the potato rows. Superb.

[The Atheist]

It was an Irish guy who had my other plot last. He left a home made spade with a really long handle to reach into the potato rows. Superb.

It would be unreasonable not to raise a Guinness or two in his honour!

[Emil Miller]

(Talk among yourselves while I make an arty joke)


Hang on a minute, Brian, isn't that your name in the top left hand corner?

:lol:I suspect that all the names are wishful thinking. There has probably been more hanky panky going on in Paul's sheds than in Ms Emin's tent.

[Paulclem]

:lol:I suspect that all the names are wishful thinking. There has probably been more hanky panky going on in Paul's sheds than in Ms Emin's tent.

That must be what the smell is....sorry....

[soundofmusic]

(Talk among yourselves while I make an arty joke)

Hang on a minute, Brian, isn't that your name in the top left hand corner?

I think I see the tail of that pink tup of yours...how is he anyway?

Mate, you have got potential plus there!

I see rows of potatoes to make Ireland jealous.

This year, Paul is going to have them grow with the sour cream and chives already one them.


I've got some stuff growing in our small platic greenhouses at home to put in. Beetroot, courgettes/zuchini, cabbages, lettuces, carrots and parsnips.

A bit of digging is required again this year. I hope the old back holds out.

I hope so, that land looks mean!


:lol:I suspect that all the names are wishful thinking. There has probably been more hanky panky going on in Paul's sheds than in Ms Emin's tent.

Really, that woman put a blood soaked bed in the Tate and wondered why Americans aren't dying to see her "art"; in America we just think that's skank...otherwise we'd have Bill Clintons girls dress in the Museum of Art haha

That must be what the smell is....sorry....

Yeah, but I hear that the tent has been taken over by the gay mens league...

[prendrelemick]

I think I see the tail of that pink tup of yours...how is he anyway?





Resting.

[The Atheist]

What a life.

If I become a Buddhist, can I get reincarnated as a prize thoroughbred stallion or bull? (Not too sure about bulls, though - they do a lot of AI (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_insemination), which is banned in thoroughbreds.)

[prendrelemick]

Hang on a minute Atheist, while I relate the sad fate of Once-Gay-But-Turned-Tup.

I was feeding the flock in all that snow, and he decided to jump the fence to get to the silage rather than use the gate, which was only a few feet away. He managed to get half over but his leg got caught between the barbed wire and the fence and he was left hanging
there. I found him frozen solid next morning. He never even made it to Pappa's Kebab Shop.

So if you were to come back as a breeding Ram you'd have lots of sex once a year but the brain of a guinea pig (Apology to all guinea pigs.)

[Paulclem]

What a life.

If I become a Buddhist, can I get reincarnated as a prize thoroughbred stallion or bull? (Not too sure about bulls, though - they do a lot of AI (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_insemination), which is banned in thoroughbreds.)

You don't need to be a Buddhist. It's the law of Karma that applies to everyone. Atheism doesn't give you a "get out of Samsara free" card. If it did, there'd be a lot of Buddhists in the queue for oblivion.

That's only the Buddhist's view of course. :D

[jlb4tlb]

Ah well, somebody had to do it.:biggrin5:

http://youtu.be/R_l2WEOqA1g

Great Skit, always loved Montey Python.

The penguin on your telly will now explode.:D

[Paulclem]

I hope so, that land looks mean!


Yeah, but I hear that the tent has been taken over by the gay mens league...

It's not so bad close up - lots of bare earth to be seen, and not just turf - which is a bugger to dig.

I've been busy this week, but come Sunday, I'll be there testing the spade, and having a snifter in the coffee. I'm going to dig a few long thin beds near the hedges to give the lettuces and courgettes/ zuchinis and rhubarb a bit of shade. I'll also be doing a raised bed for the parsnips and carrots. I probably won't get all that done on Sunday. I'll be taking my book down though for a bit of rest and relaxation whilst the coffee does its bit. Ha Ha!

As for the Gay Men's league - I hope they've got air beds in there.

[soundofmusic]

Resting.

Hopefully not on his back...


What a life.

If I become a Buddhist, can I get reincarnated as a prize thoroughbred stallion or bull? (Not too sure about bulls, though - they do a lot of AI (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_insemination), which is banned in thoroughbreds.)

So basically you want to come back as an animal so that you can have a large appendage...seems like a rather bad tradeoff to me.


Hang on a minute Atheist, while I relate the sad fate of Once-Gay-But-Turned-Tup.

I was feeding the flock in all that snow, and he decided to jump the fence to get to the silage rather than use the gate, which was only a few feet away. He managed to get half over but his leg got caught between the barbed wire and the fence and he was left hanging
there. I found him frozen solid next morning. He never even made it to Pappa's Kebab Shop.

So if you were to come back as a breeding Ram you'd have lots of sex once a year but the brain of a guinea pig (Apology to all guinea pigs.)

Hum, I'm still weighing that one...lots of sex is winning out so far...


You don't need to be a Buddhist. It's the law of Karma that applies to everyone. Atheism doesn't give you a "get out of Samsara free" card. If it did, there'd be a lot of Buddhists in the queue for oblivion.

That's only the Buddhist's view of course. :D

So if there is an Ateist in the forest and he lets off gas; God still hears it. But if there is a god in the forest; ATheist remains unaware...interesting...



Great Skit, always loved Montey Python.

The penguin on your telly will now explode.:D

Well, hello, where have you been?


It's not so bad close up - lots of bare earth to be seen, and not just turf - which is a bugger to dig.

I've been busy this week, but come Sunday, I'll be there testing the spade, and having a snifter in the coffee. I'm going to dig a few long thin beds near the hedges to give the lettuces and courgettes/ zuchinis and rhubarb a bit of shade. I'll also be doing a raised bed for the parsnips and carrots. I probably won't get all that done on Sunday. I'll be taking my book down though for a bit of rest and relaxation whilst the coffee does its bit. Ha Ha!

As for the Gay Men's league - I hope they've got air beds in there.

I go mad in our yard, 35 foot trees and all of the ground is a series of roots. We buried the cat 13 years ago and she came up on a root this year...it wasn't pretty....
I saw the fellows naked with a bunch of mops...I didn't ask...

[The Atheist]

Hang on a minute Atheist, while I relate the sad fate of Once-Gay-But-Turned-Tup.

That guy was jinxed.


So basically you want to come back as an animal so that you can have a large appendage...seems like a rather bad tradeoff to me.

No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.

:D

[DocHeart]

That guy was jinxed.



No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.

:D


You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day.

As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/Spring%202011/P100411_1916.jpg


My other new shed is... not so new either.

http://i995.photobucket.com/albums/af75/paulclem1/Spring%202011/P200311_1134.jpg


I love the external cladding held on by string. (shed 2) Very innovative.

I'm sure Gilliat has already spotted it and is pitching it to a client right now.
.


Sanford & Son Architect’s (S&S) meets with the Coventry Reclaims Allotments Party (CRAP), to present two design schemes for the proposed “Ivy League Estates”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE

Mr. Sanford: Dear esteemed members of CRAP, let me first begin by expressing our appreciation for selecting Sanford & Son Architects to design the new high rise cottages for “Ivy League Estates”.

At this time, we would like to present two schemes for the proposed cottage.

Scheme 1
For the first scheme, we pursued a de constructivist style in the form of a truncated pyramid partially embedded into this tree. On this façade, we sought inspiration from Europe’s magnificent Gothic cathedrals, by adding a flying buttress in the form of a wood pallet.
The buttress springs forth from a rusted, steel framed wire mesh haunch that not only serves as the buttress foundation, but also supplies rich iron to the allotment soil. Understanding your tenants desire to live in a safe and secure facility, we ‘ve employed the latest in building security systems technology with this heavy chain and padlock.
The walls are constructed of reclaimed planks of Royal Oak and there is no structural foundation resulting in significant cost savings for CRAP.

CRAP member: Is there a roof?

S&S: Yes; but not in the traditional sense, for scheme 1, we will take advantage of the dense canopy from the adjacent tree. Some rain water entering the building is anticipated and in fact intended, as it will serve as evaporative cooling during the summer.

CRAP member: What about winter?

S&S: In that case, the CRAP will be required to issue gortex lined parkas or plastic macs to all tenants.

For scheme no. 2 we developed an orthogonal approach to the overall massing. Elements of De constructivism interlaced with postmodern applique, such as the wire flower, rope façade restraint and blue plastic, define the hybrid clash of architectural styles in this design. Beyond the generous amounts of reclaimed fence planks that make up these three sides, we opted to go with screen and corrugated metal on this one façade. The screen will provide wonderful views of the allotment.

Both schemes incorporate sustainable, “green” features such as the use of reclaimed materials, natural ventilation which saves on energy costs, green (vegetation) roof technology used on Scheme 1.
Scheme 2 takes advantage of natural light by employing this magnificent translucent green skylight.
Additional savings will be realized since neither scheme will have running water, no power and no air conditioning.

That concludes our presentation. We now yield the floor to questions.

CRAP member: Mr. Sanford, are you familiar with that horrible incident coming out of Yorkshire involving a bi sexual Pink Tup and a barbed wire fence?

S&S: Oh my, yes I am. Dreadful, dreadful!

CRAP member: Is barbed wire fencing intended for “Ivy League Estates?”

S&S: No fencing will be required, since your own CRAP statutes requires that all Ivy League Estate tenants be vegetarian and allergic to wool.

CRAP member: Without plumbing, how is one to…hmm…how shall I say?...relieve themselves?

S&S: Our Civil engineer and landscape architect have stepped into a fantastic idea that coincides with the sustainable goals of the project. The allotment property will serve as…well, a crapper. Get it? CRAP per? Think of it as a large cat box, yet in this case the landscape crews will not have to bother with removal. The tenants deposits will fertilize the allotment crops.

CRAP members: Thank you Mr. Sanford. We’ll be in touch.

.

[prendrelemick]

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

It's in the bag I'd say. This:-

"Think of it as a large cat box, "

is the clincher

[The Atheist]

You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day.

As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"

What's scarier - the dog or the kid?

:D


CRAP members: Thank you Mr. Sanford. We’ll be in touch.

.

Brilliant!

[prendrelemick]

You don't need to be a Buddhist. It's the law of Karma that applies to everyone. Atheism doesn't give you a "get out of Samsara free" card. If it did, there'd be a lot of Buddhists in the queue for oblivion.

That's only the Buddhist's view of course. :D


'Course it works both ways.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/031214556X/abeginnguidetone

[Paulclem]

Fantastic Gilliatt. And to think I lease two such desirable residences. I'll never look at buttresses in the same way again.:lol:

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

..


...I'll never look at buttresses in the same way again.:lol:

Glad you enjoyed it.
All kidding aside, I do envy you and the challenge ahead. Keep us posted on the progress.



http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/031214556X/abeginnguidetone

Hehe.
Did you happen to notice the table of contents? (come to think of it, I bet you have this book)

"1. Living
2. Foolish Thinking
3. Enlightenment
4. Reality"

.

[Paulclem]

Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

[DocHeart]

Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

Somebody get this man a beer.

[The Atheist]

Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

By gum!

How's the soil? Have you had it tested? I imagine it would be an interesting mix, if nothing else!

[soundofmusic]

That guy was jinxed.

No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.

:D

Has anyone asked their ladies, when they are sober that is, if size matters...I can assure you gents, as an honest lady...Size Definitely Matters:cool:


You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day.

As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"

I get the idea uncle has been babysitting too often for little Eva:smilewinkgrin:

.


Sanford & Son Architect’s (S&S) meets with the Coventry Reclaims Allotments Party (CRAP), to present two design schemes for the proposed “Ivy League Estates”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE

Mr. Sanford: Dear esteemed members of CRAP, let me first begin by expressing our appreciation for selecting Sanford & Son Architects to design the new high rise cottages for “Ivy League Estates”.

At this time, we would like to present two schemes for the proposed cottage.

Scheme 1
For the first scheme, we pursued a de constructivist style in the form of a truncated pyramid partially embedded into this tree. On this façade, we sought inspiration from Europe’s magnificent Gothic cathedrals, by adding a flying buttress in the form of a wood pallet.
The buttress springs forth from a rusted, steel framed wire mesh haunch that not only serves as the buttress foundation, but also supplies rich iron to the allotment soil. Understanding your tenants desire to live in a safe and secure facility, we ‘ve employed the latest in building security systems technology with this heavy chain and padlock.
The walls are constructed of reclaimed planks of Royal Oak and there is no structural foundation resulting in significant cost savings for CRAP.

CRAP member: Is there a roof?

S&S: Yes; but not in the traditional sense, for scheme 1, we will take advantage of the dense canopy from the adjacent tree. Some rain water entering the building is anticipated and in fact intended, as it will serve as evaporative cooling during the summer.

CRAP member: What about winter?

S&S: In that case, the CRAP will be required to issue gortex lined parkas or plastic macs to all tenants.

For scheme no. 2 we developed an orthogonal approach to the overall massing. Elements of De constructivism interlaced with postmodern applique, such as the wire flower, rope façade restraint and blue plastic, define the hybrid clash of architectural styles in this design. Beyond the generous amounts of reclaimed fence planks that make up these three sides, we opted to go with screen and corrugated metal on this one façade. The screen will provide wonderful views of the allotment.

Both schemes incorporate sustainable, “green” features such as the use of reclaimed materials, natural ventilation which saves on energy costs, green (vegetation) roof technology used on Scheme 1.
Scheme 2 takes advantage of natural light by employing this magnificent translucent green skylight.
Additional savings will be realized since neither scheme will have running water, no power and no air conditioning.

That concludes our presentation. We now yield the floor to questions.

CRAP member: Mr. Sanford, are you familiar with that horrible incident coming out of Yorkshire involving a bi sexual Pink Tup and a barbed wire fence?

S&S: Oh my, yes I am. Dreadful, dreadful!

CRAP member: Is barbed wire fencing intended for “Ivy League Estates?”

S&S: No fencing will be required, since your own CRAP statutes requires that all Ivy League Estate tenants be vegetarian and allergic to wool.

CRAP member: Without plumbing, how is one to…hmm…how shall I say?...relieve themselves?

S&S: Our Civil engineer and landscape architect have stepped into a fantastic idea that coincides with the sustainable goals of the project. The allotment property will serve as…well, a crapper. Get it? CRAP per? Think of it as a large cat box, yet in this case the landscape crews will not have to bother with removal. The tenants deposits will fertilize the allotment crops.

CRAP members: Thank you Mr. Sanford. We’ll be in touch.

.


:lol::lol::lol::lol:

It's in the bag I'd say. This:-

"Think of it as a large cat box, "

is the clincher

I think your friends designed my house; I also detect a sort of savory smell outside my front door in the evening which cannot entirely be obscured by the nightblooming jasmine.

[soundofmusic]

'Course it works both ways.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/031214556X/abeginnguidetone

I wonder what our dear pink tup will come back as?


Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

How much of a return do you get on all that work...I mean in vegetables? Do you and the misses put it all up or sell it at market?

[prendrelemick]

its very late and I can't go to bed until this bloody sheep has lambed. Then I have a dawn patrol, at dawn, to do - a typical lambing day so far. I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.

[The Atheist]

its very late and I can't go to bed until this bloody sheep has lambed. Then I have a dawn patrol, at dawn, to do - a typical lambing day so far. I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.

Hope it stays warm for you! Good luck mate.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.

Well, at least you have the full "grass" moon to keep you company. Hope you have clear skies. It is a amazing.

.

[prendrelemick]

Hope it stays warm for you! Good luck mate.

The weather is perfect, fresh spring breeze and plenty of sun. Makes you glad to up and at it.


Well, at least you have the full "grass" moon to keep you company. Hope you have clear skies. It is a amazing.

.

Is a "Grass" Moon a big yellow one? Thats what we got last night.

(by the way she lambed twins - at 2.30am )

[Paulclem]

The weather is perfect, fresh spring breeze and plenty of sun. Makes you glad to up and at it.



Is a "Grass" Moon a big yellow one? Thats what we got last night.

(by the way she lambed twins - at 2.30am )

It's a tough job you do Mick. I notice you usually post early on a morning.

[Paulclem]

How much of a return do you get on all that work...I mean in vegetables? Do you and the misses put it all up or sell it at market?

We don't get any spare, and we'd share with the Mother-in-law if we did. I'm not that accomplished yet. I'm hoping to do better this year.

I think when you start, it makes the vegetables expensive, but as you improve and don't have to buy more tools etc, it becomes more economical. I got about 3 months worth of potatoes last year from 6 bags of compost and a 3x2 metre bed. That was worth it. I'm now harvesting my purple sprounting broccolli and I think this is worth growing, as the broccolli we buy here is quite expensive. It grew over winter, and hasn't needed much input.

I didn't get to the alotment. Mrs Paulclem wanted to go shopping - which is fine as she hasn't been out much recently. Perhaps tonight, or tomorrow.

[prendrelemick]

It's a tough job you do Mick. I notice you usually post early on a morning.


Lets be honest, this is the only time of year that is hard, and not so much physically-just long hours.

[The Atheist]

Lets be honest, this is the only time of year that is hard, and not so much physically-just long hours.

Farmer? Honesty?

Alert the mod team, someone's hacked Mick's account!

[Paulclem]

Lets be honest, this is the only time of year that is hard, and not so much physically-just long hours.

I bet it's harder than office-wallah-ing. 9-5 - or thereabouts, in a snug office in an ambient temperature.

[Paulclem]

Humiliated again!

I don't know if you chaps, and Sounds, remember my last escapade with the cistern - which by the way has been working perfectly with the new fittings that I now cannot fix myself should the need arise?

Well last Friday, Mrs Paulclem put her foot down and insisted that I change the filter on the "Big Fridge" we have had for a few years now. The cold water feature now doesn't work, and we though it likely that the filter - which hadn't been changed in 2 years - was probably blocked. So I dutifully - yet a little stressfully - found the few tools I needed for this job, and eased the "Big Fridge" out. I turned off the stopcock for the mains, which is situated helpfully next to the said "Big Fridge", and proceeded to change the filter.

Having done this, I tested the water - which still didn't work, sighed and turned to pick up my tools. It was then I noticed a stain in the wall where the stopcock was. Yes, it had begun leaking. So in failing to fix the "Big Fridge" water, I had discovered the mains stop **** had gone a rusting too far.

So - and it was 5.30 on Friday - about the same as last time - I called the plumber. He was very helpful abnd called after he had done his other jobs at 9.30pm! He was even uncomplaining, and fixed the stopcock in about 3 minutes. I gave him a cup of tea, he charged me £40 quid, and everyone was happy - (it could have been £70!).

But as a parting shot I promised not to do any plumbing jobs at 5 o'clock in the evening again, and he said - "Yes, better leave it to the wife".

Humiliated again!

[jemiesranova]

Humiliated again!

I don't know if you chaps, and Sounds, remember my last escapade with the cistern - which by the way has been working perfectly with the new fittings that I now cannot fix myself should the need arise?

Well last Friday, Mrs Paulclem put her foot down and insisted that I change the filter on the "Big Fridge" we have had for a few years now. The cold water feature now doesn't work, and we though it likely that the filter - which hadn't been changed in 2 years - was probably blocked. So I dutifully - yet a little stressfully - found the few tools I needed for this job, and eased the "Big Fridge" out. I turned off the stopcock for the mains, which is situated helpfully next to the said "Big Fridge", and proceeded to change the filter.

Having done this, I tested the water - which still didn't work, sighed and turned to pick up my tools. It was then I noticed a stain in the wall where the stopcock was. Yes, it had begun leaking. So in failing to fix the "Big Fridge" water, I had discovered the mains stop **** had gone a rusting too far.

So - and it was 5.30 on Friday - about the same as last time - I called the plumber. He was very helpful abnd called after he had done his other jobs at 9.30pm! He was even uncomplaining, and fixed the stopcock in about 3 minutes. I gave him a cup of tea, he charged me £40 quid, and everyone was happy - (it could have been £70!).

But as a parting shot I promised not to do any plumbing jobs at 5 o'clock in the evening again, and he said - "Yes, better leave it to the wife".

Humiliated again!

why do you say that, in my opinion is different from what you say..http://freeimagestocks.com/content/14/grey.png..

[The Atheist]

But as a parting shot I promised not to do any plumbing jobs at 5 o'clock in the evening again, and he said - "Yes, better leave it to the wife".

Humiliated again!

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s97/TheAtheist/funny.gif

God, you'd have been debagged for that only a couple of decades ago.

Nailed!