Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Answer

[Hawkman]

Because they don't get enough exercise :D

What have I got in my pocket :D

[Bleeding Pawn]

Myyyyyyy Preciousssss, Golum! Golum! Nasty little Hobbitses.

What would have happened if Golum had predicted correctly, what was in Bilbos` pocket?

[tonywalt]

I would have won money.

is it true that 'when it rains it pours'?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Kind of , but it mainly depends on how you pull yourself together, other than that, it never rained cats and dogs.

Same question.

[tonywalt]

no really, sometimes it drizzles.

Why are umbrellas such crap nowadays?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Presently it is raining cats and dogs.

Same question.

[tonywalt]

Made in China.

Are diamonds a girl's best friend?

[lilimarlene]

that and our flat irons

if your life was a colour, what colour would it be?

[Bleeding Pawn]

The Colour of Silence.

Same question.

[lilimarlene]

orange... independent, stimulating and warm with a sense of adventure

why are some people afraid of clowns?

[Calidore]

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://blog.worldswithoutend.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/stephen-king-it-clown.png&imgrefurl=http://blog.worldswithoutend.com/2012/09/month-of-horrors-is-on-its-way/stephen-king-it-clown/&h=352&w=608&sz=377&tbnid=IRu0XPUIBBJlXM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=155&zoom=1&usg=__HX11d-z1lWJCVhX1eminUXF35Os=&docid=nQF4neJfewF9wM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=1DuVUdnLEZTi9gSC7oGoCA&ved=0CC4Q9QEwAA&dur=20

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://blog.lib.umn.edu/meyer769/myblog/john_wayne_gacy2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://blog.lib.umn.edu/meyer769/myblog/2011/11/the-secret-life-of-john-wayne-gacy.html&h=172&w=350&sz=27&tbnid=RpQBhQzhfZ43bM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=181&zoom=1&usg=__mncFZ-VNGbyjl7GVa8vX4ka0PG4=&docid=zsotZi9lgDpN8M&hl=en&sa=X&ei=KDyVUZ2NHdOLqQHfjIHQCQ&sqi=2&ved=0CI0BEP4dMBE

...and so on.

Why are some kids afraid of Santa?

[Shaman_Raman]

He takes more than cookies, ask the elves.

Wouldn't a type of bird been better for a flying sleigh? And what do reindeer do with their feet in midair?

[tonywalt]

Good question, makes me almost doubt the existence of Santa Claus

Why are little dogs so yappy? (i'm talking to you the little yorki terrier down the street!)

[Bleeding Pawn]

Maybe they are signalling not to judge them by their size.

Why doesn`t Lit-Net celebrate its birthday? If they do , then when it is?

[Jett Black]

Maybe the owners have decided to Not-Let-Lit-Net do so.

Why do our fingers wrinkle in the bath tub?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Giving us an impression for what our whole body would look like in the coming year

Why do we poke our noses? ( other than being reflectory)

[aliengirl]

It is better than using all ten fingers.

Why does facebook constantly asks like a jealous spouse, 'What is on your mind?'

[Bleeding Pawn]

It is better than using all ten fingers. [

LOL


Why does facebook constantly asks like a jealous spouse, 'What is on your mind?'

To check the matters of your heart that maybe you are thinking about someone (twitter) other than him/her (facebook).

Same question.

[Whifflingpin]

It's on an endless quest to find someone on Facebook who still has a mind.

What's the point of earwax?

[kushy]

melting wax

what is a hair pin bend?

[tonywalt]

A good place to overtake.

What were you doing before you answered this question?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Reading someones blog.

Any incident which has taken the "hell out of you"?

[aliengirl]

None because I stay in a perpetual state of bliss. ;)

Why is a blog called so?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Yeah , exactly, why is it called so?

[tonywalt]

It was a typo, but someone put a 'b' in front of it and it stuck.

Why am I able to guess what everyone's answer (on the forum games section) is going to be without so much as a vague surprise. (I dare say, i've never been surprised by any answer in the last 6 months).

[Whifflingpin]

Doughnuts

Did tonywalt guess that?

[lilimarlene]

Why am I able to guess what everyone's answer (on the forum games section) is going to be without so much as a vague surprise. (I dare say, i've never been surprised by any answer in the last 6 months).

Maybe because you always ask the same questions that you always get the same answers.

[tonywalt]

:wink5:Well, if you'd help me out I wouldn't have to ask the same questions

Do migrating birds ever disagree on when to migrate?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Not when they have a leader ( reminds of The Happy prince story).

Should we really trust everyone on the web?

[aliengirl]

Yes, if you trust everyone you meet face to face.

Why is tony able to guess everyone's answer?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Maybe he is a surfer since the advent of net.

Are you, Mr. Tony?

[aliengirl]

No, I'm not Tony. :D

Have you ever listened to a song in a language which you don't know?

[Darcy88]

Yes, if you trust everyone you meet face to face.

Why is tony able to guess everyone's answer?

Because Tony is god.

If there was no moon would there be tremendous consequences for life on this planet?

[Bleeding Pawn]

*****

[Bleeding Pawn]

If there was no moon would there be tremendous consequences for life on this planet?

Yes, of course and that too positive ones,

No moon= No werewolves= no Twilight books.


No, I'm not Tony. :D

Have you ever listened to a song in a language which you don't know?

Yes and if its good , I usually translate it to get a better understanding.

How can we tell if someone is being smarmy?

[tonywalt]

It's just a feeling. I love that word though, "smarmy" - need to use it more.

Are you smarmy at times?

[lilimarlene]

[QUOTE=tonywalt;1220902]:wink5:Well, if you'd help me out I wouldn't have to ask the same questions

if I did that we would be back to square one.;)

[lilimarlene]

It's just a feeling. I love that word though, "smarmy" - need to use it more.

Are you smarmy at times?
I was about 2 seconds ago.

How do people develop fetishes?

[Silas Thorne]

Usually rather slowly.


Shouldn't Christians that don't eat apples walk around naked?

[lilimarlene]

let's ask one, shall we?

Is it considered stealing to take pens from a bank?

[Silas Thorne]

No, most banks pens have the bank's name on them. If you didn't take the pens, someone would give them to you anyway.


What is severance pay?

[Calidore]

Collecting on a lawsuit you filed after an accident resulting in something being severed.

Why is it that hydrogen and oxygen both burn, but when combined they make water, which puts out fires?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Technically because of natural affinity between two elements.

Its like a couple having volatile nature but when they come together they make peace and defeat violence.


Why do most of the world students lag behind in Maths?

[aliengirl]

Because using log tables is getting obsolete.

What is the fifth dimension?

[Calidore]

An excellent '60s-'70s soul/R & B group:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkMhWQgkZ8c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjxSCAalsBE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZcA3kiaQb0


Why e-mail and e-books but not e-music?

[Bleeding Pawn]

MP3 and I-pod counts as an e-music format . It has come a long way from HMV records to compact cassettes to CDs.

Why are celebrity actresses more concerned with the latest fashion wear when compared to actors (male) ?

[aliengirl]

They left it for you.

What is common between irrational numbers and love?




An excellent '60s-'70s soul/R & B group:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkMhWQgkZ8c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjxSCAalsBE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZcA3kiaQb0



Thanks for the links. It hardly qualifies as a stupid answer though.:)

[Bleeding Pawn]

The letters L - O - E .Irrational numbers and Love.

Why are nightmares so scary?

[kushy]

to bring fear in us.


why are stars so high in the sky?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Otherwise we would have had another set of Star Wars.

When will we ever appreciate truth?

[tonywalt]

When depressed.

Why is she nagging so much?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Maybe tired of living.

Who is "she"?

[lilimarlene]

you mean me?

[lilimarlene]

if you make your bed, why do you have to lie in it?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Why is she nagging so much?


Who is "she"?


you mean me?

No, the one who is nagging.



if you make your bed, why do you have to lie in it?


Because if we wont somebody else will.

What did Mrs. Gollum say when she laid eyes on her first new born?

[Calidore]

"Oh, how precious."

Do we need another hero?

[lilimarlene]

another, who is the first one?

Why do I answer questions with a question?

[Silas Thorne]

That one is quite debatable.


how do lemmings commit suicide?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Shall I?


What did Mrs. Gollum say when she laid eyes on her first new born?
"Oh, how precious."

"My Precioussss"



how do lemmings commit suicide?

drowning with the help of "Mr. Pied Piper".


Why didn`t the Pied piper return the kids back to their parents?

[Silas Thorne]

Because they couldn't return after he took them to Neverland and took away their powers of flight.


A toucan...?

[tonywalt]

cute bird

Are you experienced?(...goes into the Jimi Hendrix guitar solo)

[Bleeding Pawn]

Experienced enough for the "Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Answer" forum.

Why are diamonds considered to be girls best friend?

[tonywalt]

Because they (in some circles) display social status and security. But it doesn't have to be diamonds.

What do many people in Europe and north america use pet names as passwords?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Because America itself is a "pet" name of Amerigo Vespucci so they continue the tradition.;)

Why do you need connections to "live the life"?

[tonywalt]

Because we are tribal and Social and a bunch of other stuff..

what the he!! is a jackpot? (and why do we want to 'hit it'?)

[kushy]

Yes jackpot is a hell know.:)

What mode of transport you use daily?

[Bleeding Pawn]

A pair of legs.

Works posted in this site are copyrighted?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Here`s your answer http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?2330-Game-Ask-the-Person-Below-You/page1243.

Why do we have to work?

[Hawkman]

Because work is the curse of the drinking classes. :cheers2:

Why do zebras need a special place to cross a road?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Otherwise they would be issued a traffic ticket.

When will the chicken cross the road?

[tonywalt]

When he says a mate that he wants on the other side of the road (This I've seen).

What colour would you like your wedding dress to be?

[Bleeding Pawn]

.............

[Bleeding Pawn]

One of the colour of Rainbow.

What is that thing which is but at the same time does not exist?

[Maria May]

My first novel xD it is in my head,so no one can read it...

Same question xD

[Bleeding Pawn]

.......

[Bleeding Pawn]

The Emperor`s new clothes.:)

Why do web users tend to be arrogant?

[Calidore]

Because when nobody can see you, you can pretend your parents' basement is your tower.

Schools grade A, B, C, D, and F. What happened to E?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Expelled or exterminated from the grading system.

Whats the best way to silence a chatterbox on song?

[free]

Convert it to the opposite.

Where is my future husband?

[mal4mac]

Working on the double indemnity clause of the current one's life insurance policy.

How should I decide what to read next?

[Bleeding Pawn]

No option, you have to read the next post after yours.

How/when do you know that the fire/fight in you is starting to fizzle out?

[Shaman_Raman]

You'd rather go masturbate than exercise.

What's so great about water? Or air for that matter?

[Calidore]

Attempting to breathe both will quickly let you know whether or not you are a fish.

Why must foods' healthfulness and goodness always be in inverse proportion?

[neilgee]

You've obviously misread the labeling, it said in verse portions

What's the quickest way to quell a riot?

[Calidore]

Take off and nuke 'em from orbit.

Why do people complain about government and then keep electing idiots?

[Hawkman]

It's not called a plebiscite for nothing!

Why is everybody paranoid?

[free]

Because they are paranormal.

Do you prefer to listen the birds singing or One Direction music group?

[neilgee]

Birds singing because if One Direction sang outside my window every morning I would lose my grip on reality quite quickly.

Why are snobs so unfeeling to other people?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Maybe cause they suffer from emotional deficiencies.

How come we get to know we are being stared at?

[tonywalt]

Because we are often nude.

Same question

[Bleeding Pawn]

Because it`is the perfect time for our conscious/sensory to come into play whenever we poke our nose in public.

If someone is searching some questions for his/her answers, where should they look for?

[Whosis]

It's always in the last place you look. :p

Why do rivers with their currents only flow down?

[Hawkman]

It's the weight of the seeds.

Why sheep?

[moonless-sky]

because "shoop", "shaap", "shiip" and "shuup" would have sounded childish. So sheep~~
Why is the sky blue?

[Hawkman]

For the same reason eyes are! PS, It isn't at night.

Exactly how long will a shark live when swimming in custard?

[moonless-sky]

The exact same time you would live when buried alive.
Why do most people eat popcorn instead of fries when watching movies?

[Bleeding Pawn]

They cxan be used as an alternative for ear plugs compared to fries.( if the choice rental goes wrong).

Why does a kingdom still remains a KINGdom even if a female ruler (Queen) is the head of the state?

[Hawkman]

Because it allows the conservative establishment to treat queens as an aberration of gender and give queer theorists the finger.

Why do electorates always vote for idiots to rule them?

[MANICHAEAN]

Because they are incapable of appreciating the benefits of those politicians who appreciate hot women, cold sheets and strong drink.

Why are policemen so young these days?

[Delta40]

Because thanks to global warming, we've sped up the incubation time and now the eggs hatch much earlier.


Why isn't the opposite of disheveled sheveled?

[Hawkman]

Because dishevelled is a corruption of a French word meaning "deprived of a tool for moving piles of sand from one place to another". Thus, a person who is "dishevelled" has to use their hands. Consequentially, this makes a mess and leads to their clothes becoming disarrayed. Of course, being provided with tools of any kind is known as "going equipped," and this generally leads to policemen arresting people who are "tooled up".

Why isn't there an open season on politicians? I thought one was allowed to cull vermin...

[MANICHAEAN]

It was put forward by Ernest Bevan in the post war Labour government, but for some reason never got past the first reading.

If you show a manual worker three shovels, can he take his pick?

[Hawkman]

Only if he ax me nicely. :D Usually, though, the politicians, who, for some reason haven't been culled, don't believe in allowing manual workers any kind of choice.

What have I got in my pocket?

[Varenne Rodin]

Fingernail clippers.

If someone said to you, "I'm interested in paying you for sex. Will you send me nude pictures of yourself?" would you send them pictures?

[MANICHAEAN]

Standby for pictures of a shorn sheep in high heels.

Why can you never get back into a dream?

[Hawkman]

Because dreams happen inside your head (which is less than your total volume) so if you try to climb into them, you're too big to fit!

What are crane flies for?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Worthy contributor to the food chain.

Which is an easiest way to lie and not get caught?

[Hawkman]

Say Nothing.

How do they keep sleeping policemen anaesthetised?

[Bleeding Pawn]

few bucks changing hand, under the table?

Why is it w.h.y and not Y?

[Calidore]

Union rules: Three people to do one job. See also y.o.u.

Why can't I think of a stupid question?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Because you are not paid to do that.

Do we have to be at our wits end to pose a stupid question or it all depend on ones level of boredom?

[BienvenuJDC]

You're assuming that any of us ever had any wits about us.

Does this Blog Post make me look fat?

[Calidore]

No, in fact you look a great deal like Cary Elwes. Lucky you.

Why do furnace repairs cost so much?

[Hawkman]

Because disposing of your victims' bodies tends to be illegal and restoring the means carries a heavy premium.

Why aren't ferrets as popular as meerkats?

[Sospira]

Because they don't want to do documentaries so often.

Why is snow, white?

[Calidore]

Same reason roses are red.

Why doesn't anything rhyme with orange?

[Sospira]

Maybe because you have not come across the word borange.

Why is cardboard grey?

[Pompey Bum]

Global warming.

Who put the bop in the bop-shoe-bop-shoe-bop?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Mother Goose?

Was the Captain Hook`s watch waterproof?

[Sospira]

Shouldn't you be more concerned that he didn't have a wrist to put it on?

Why do we wear underwear?

[Bleeding Pawn]

So we can blame someone/thing else for a change?

Why do we bully others?

[Pompey Bum]

For their lunch money.

Do you believe in karma?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Yes its belief.


Why do we make/have a shopping list?

[Pompey Bum]

It helps alleviate the suspense of what we will buy.

Have you ever seen a bear in the wild?

[Bleeding Pawn]

There are no wild bears, they were exterminated a long time ago and came back to haunt as teddy bears.

Does viewing the world upside down also makes world see us upside down too?

[Pompey Bum]

No. The world sees us as we truly are deep inside.

Does a teddy bear sh*t in the woods?

[Hawkman]

Only if you take it there and over feed it.

Why do pelicans need a special place to cross the road?

[Pompey Bum]

Global warming.

Are three-toed tree sloths taking medical marijuana or something?

[Sospira]

No, but I think you are.

Why is water wet?

[Pompey Bum]

You'd be wet, too, if you were getting into Michael Phelps speedos.

I hope that wasn't too rude. I'm sorry.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Two extra letters?

If not humans then what?

[Pompey Bum]

Snow balls.

These are way too mature. Why do farts smell?

[HCabret]

Snow balls.

These are way too mature. Why do farts smell?
Six. Who is that?

[Pompey Bum]

Wrong. It's so deaf people can enjoy them, too.

During which war (and battle) did Dr. Watson receive his war wound(s)?

[Bleeding Pawn]

His Waterloo?

Why wasn`t Napolean not the first person to climb Mount Everest?

[Calidore]

Too short saw too tall and wasn't too interested.

Where does the wind blow?

[HCabret]

Too short saw too tall and wasn't too interested.

Where does the wind blow?
North

How many is in a twelve?

[free]

Very many.

Why do you ask?

[Bleeding Pawn]

now, did I?

If you were at Waterloo: which side would you be against?

[HCabret]

The left side.

Where is earth?

[Pompey Bum]

In a garden.

Whither art thou fleeting?

[free]

Whaaaaat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you like my answer?

[Pompey Bum]

The plot was a tad simplistic but the characterization was deft and the style genuinely inspired. I am eagerly awaiting your future work.

Who exactly was Basileus Suteros Menandoi?

[Bleeding Pawn]

a "typo-cal" twin brother/sister/

why always grumpy oldold person and not young?

[Pompey Bum]

The difference between an angry young man and a petulant old curmudgeon is mere social prejudice. Except for the part about being old. Also we have more life experience. And we drool.

I still want to know who King Suteros Menandoi was, but okay: is it rude to call a fruit "tart" just because it's not sweet to you?

[tonywalt]

It can be done, but fruits are very thin skinned - so best not call them tart.

Why do fools fall in love? Why can't we sing, "smart people fall in love"

[Pompey Bum]

Ah grasshopper, a smart man would already know why.

Wouldn't the Egyptians have got it after the plague of frogs? Was killing their kids really necessary?

[tonywalt]

There kids were very bad, often screaming, 'nanny nanny boo boo stick your head in poo poo" for hours - the gods became angry..

Why doesn't every country do as Italy and change sides when losing in a war - everyone would win then!

[Pompey Bum]

For fear they'd have to eat anchovies, too. Nuremberg would have been better.

Shouldn't coo-coo clocks have thought of something more intelligent to say by now?

[tonywalt]

i think "coo coo" sums things up quite accurately - as far as i can see.

[Sospira]

Where's your question?

[Pompey Bum]

Where's your answer?

Aside from courage, what makes the Hottentots so hot?

[free]

Either Hotten or tots.

What is this all about?

[tonywalt]

it's about the Hottentots and why they are so shorty and snappy.

Why is litnet no longer highly active?

[Pompey Bum]

Because reading Proust is so exiting it slows everything else down by comparison.

Which is a stupider thing to call automobile fuel: gas or petrol?

[Bleeding Pawn]

Electricity

Is there a test for determining the level of stupidity in a human?

[Pompey Bum]

It's not this game?

Should we be concerned that Santa is an anagram for Satan?

[Bleeding Pawn]

a tad, if that someone is enthusiastically waiting/awake uptill dawn.

Are you that 'someone'?

[Pompey Bum]

I wait till dawn, but only for the Apocalypse.

Why didn't Cinderella's slipper turn back with the rest of her clothes?

[Hawkman]

Because she wasn't wearing it.

What are garden gnomes for?

[Pompey Bum]

Because she wasn't wearing it.

And she was wearing the coach and horses? I mean, be realistic!


What are garden gnomes for?

Regular gnomes let them live on the fringes of their lands for a quota of the foodstuffs they produce plus compulsory military service.

How does Santa Claus pay the elves and what do the have to spend it on?

[NikolaiI]

He pays them with bit coin and they have to spend it on World of Warcraft characters. :)

Where do oysters come from?

[Pompey Bum]

Whence cometh that beast called the oyster?
Not from lands but from climes that grow moister.
I could be more specific
(As Atlantic, Pacific)
But my views, upon you, I'll not foister.

What exactly is Atlas standing on?

[Hawkman]

A stable platform constructed by quantum mechanics at a null-point in space time.

Where, exactly, is Zebedee's bed?

[Pompey Bum]

I have removed my comments and apologize to Hawkman.

Do mermaids get tired of having sea food all the time?

[Pendragon]

No, it keeps THEM from being food!

Do people in solitary confinement get lonely?

[Pompey Bum]

Not when there's Mr. Brickie to talk to.

Do tropical fish consider us their slaves?

[Pendragon]

No we're lower than that on their scale

Do people in rubber rooms erase themselves?

[Pompey Bum]

No, but not for lack of trying.

Was Fay Wray ever really happy with King Kong?

[Pendragon]

He WAS tall and dark, but handsome would be pushing it...

Do you thin they'll ever settle this "Who was Jack-the-Ripper? argument?

[Calidore]

I thought they did. Jack the Ripper was a guy who killed several prostitutes in late 19th century London.

Why are bubbles always round?

[Hawkman]

Because square bubbles aren't hip.

Where did all the Hobbits go?

[Pompey Bum]

Gone to dragons, every one.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Does a mobile phone case count as a fashion accessory? (And if not, would some one speak to my niece?)

[Pendragon]

Anything that costs that much should be treated as jewelry!

Are ghosts real?

[Sancho]

Of course goats are real, silly billy.

Does a straight beat a flush?

[Pompey Bum]

A straight flush is best, but if that doesn't work, just flush it again.

Is Taylor Swift just a glorified stripper?

[Sancho]

Nope, she's the result of a laboratory experiment gone horribly wrong in which the DNA of Jonatnan Swift and Sherriff Andy Taylor has mutated into a single country-music performer organism.

Why must i go before e except after c and when sounding like a as in neighbor and weigh?

[Hawkman]

Blame the French, the Vikings, and the great vowel shift. Ps the rule is no longer in force!

Have you ever been ghoting?

[Calidore]

You should have seen the one that ghot away.

Why is food with fewer chemicals and additives more expensive than the clean & pure stuff?

[Sancho]

So glad you asked, C. I have personally uncovered a price-fixing strategy involving certain nefarious government agencies, big pharma companies, factory farming interests, elements of the military industrial complex, and Whole Foods Market, Inc. The scheme was hatched in Houston, Texas by several former executives of the Enron Corporation and financed through a series of complex credit default swaps designed by a former Lehman Brothers VP who now resides in Leavenworth, Kansas.

Farmer Dan doesn't stand a chance.

So then, Joe has twice as many oranges as Emily has bananas, and Norman has five fewer apples than Ann has pears. If Joe's oranges and Ann's pears combine to equal a prime number and Emily's bananas subtracted from Norman's apples equals the square root of Ann's pears, then how many total pieces of fruit do the four have?

[Silas Thorne]

If your pears have roots, they aren't pears. If the roots are square, you are in the wrong dimension.

Where do hedgehogs go when there's no hedge?

[Hawkman]

They go to Hedgehog Heaven through immolation in the sacrificial bonfires of November fifth.

Do chickens really want to cross roads, or are they forced to by precocious Boy Scouts?

[Pompey Bum]

They want to cross (because of telepathic messages they receive from "the other side").

Do snails dream of eating the French?

[Pendragon]

Of course! Revenge is saccharine sweet!

Do you think Stonehenge could be an unfinished giant toilet?

[Hawkman]

No. Stonehenge is actually the track for a Neolithic elevated monorail train set, presented to the local chief's son on the occasion of his birthday.

Why is custard yellow?

[Pendragon]

Cowards often are

Why is ice cream cold?

[Hawkman]

Because, by the time you eat it, it's been dead for at least 48 hours.

Why do people eat popcorn when it tastes like polystyrene?

[Pompey Bum]

Hey, why do people wrap things in polystyrene when it looks like popcorn?

Do penguins count as seafood or poultry?

[Hawkman]

Neither. According to the medieval Catholic Church, they count as fish. Stupid, but true.

What are goats for?

[Pompey Bum]

Neither. According to the medieval Catholic Church, they count as fish. Stupid, but true.

Interesting. They're not kosher, which actually makes a weird kind of sense.


What are goats for?

Nothing butt trouble.

Can you get mad cow disease from cannibalism?

[Hawkman]

Neither. According to the medieval Catholic Church, they count as fish. Stupid, but true.


Actually, this isn't true. I was thinking of puffins. My bad, but it's still a stupid answer, so I guess it counts.

Can you get mad cow disease from cannibalism? Yes. Especially if you're a mad cow.

What is the most effective way to arrest a fall?

[Pendragon]

The FBI

What happens when your car runs out of gas near a Colma, California cemetery? (Look it up, you know you want to!)

[Hawkman]

You are forced to walk, at least until you are bitten by a zombie and forced to take up permanent residence.

Why is a woman shooting a man in the groin with a tazer deemed funny by the makers of an American TV series, when a man kicking a woman in the groin is not?

[Pompey Bum]

Because Americans lack that dry British sense of humor.

Who would you want to be chained next to on a Roman galley and why?

[Pendragon]

Somebody very strong so I can coast while he does the work!

Do you believe in ghosts?

[free]

Only if they believe in me.

Are we alone in the universe?

[Pompey Bum]

No, just unpopular.

Has the 21st century been a disappointment so far?

[Pendragon]

Life has been a disappointment so far!

Will man ever reach the stars?

[free]

What else are they here for! (rhetorical question)

Has time travel already been performed?

[Hawkman]

It's performed every day by everything, in one direction, one second at a time.

Why were the Trojans so stupid as to drag a great wooden horse full of battle-hardened assault troops into their city?

[Pompey Bum]

Hey, piñatas were large in the Greek Bronze Age!

Is Qatar pronounced "catarrh" or "gutter"? Seriously, I hear both.

[Pendragon]

It's pronounced "guitar"!

Does anyone really get modern art?

[Pompey Bum]

Only chimps, who use it to pass on secret messages about us.

Who would have won a war between Attila the Hun and Robert E. Lee?

[Pendragon]

Suh, I am Southern, and I doan believe anybody could whup General Robert E Lee in a fair fight! Damn cheating Yankees!

In this day of mixed race marriages, what determines if a mixed race child is one race or the other?

[Pompey Bum]

Suh, I am Southern, and I doan believe anybody could whup General Robert E Lee in a fair fight! Damn cheating Yankees!

What makes you think that Attila would fight fair? ;-)


In this day of mixed race marriages, what determines if a mixed race child is one race or the other?

Nothing but vapid bigotry, a sub-category of human stupidity.

EDIT: Oh sorry, um, would you rather have a parrot or a python as a pet?

[Pendragon]

Nothing but vapid bigotry, a sub-category of human stupidity. BINGO!

At least the python would be silent...

Why are people rude?

[Pompey Bum]

Well, I can only speak for myself: it's a response to 1) irrational behavior; 2) manipulative behavior; or 3) the rejection of an offered friendship. Any combination of those will earn you the wrath of Bum.

Would you rather be forced to listen to accordion music or a Celtic Woman concert?

[Pendragon]

Celtic Women, perhaps they will at least be cute... An accordion is a mutant instrument that was born out of wedlock between the junk store and the trash. NOTHING makes it sound better than two tomcats fighting!

Do you think classical music is groovy?

[Hawkman]

Only when it's played on vinyl.

What makes music hot?

[Pendragon]

The little pipes that shoot out flame while Ace Freely is playing a solo

Will people ever get over Justin Bieber already?

[Pompey Bum]

Well yes, but someone else is always right behind.

Which character from literature would you most like to bowling with?

[Pendragon]

Popeye, only he would keep sending the bowling ball through the concrete wall

Who from literature would be your sidekick for robbing banks?

[Pompey Bum]

Definitely Sun Wukong.

Which character from literature would you most like to pummel with a sock full of warm manure?

[Pendragon]

Fagin

Which literature character is the best crime fighter?

[Pompey Bum]

Sherlock Holmes

What charater from literature would you most wast to, um, date?

[Pendragon]

Fidelma of Cashel, from the Sister Fidelma series. She is a beautiful redhead and a Princess in her own right once she dropped out of the religious life...

Who should delivery your eulogy?

[Pompey Bum]

Nobody. Anyone who thinks I'm all that great can be nice to me now.

If there is reincarnation do you want to be the same sex next time?

[Pendragon]

If I have to remember this life, yeah, because that would feel weird....

In the heart of the abyss does hope sing?

[Pompey Bum]

Yes, but unfortunately it's a Wayne Newton song

Did the ladies on Mars ever give up cigars?

[Pendragon]

Assuming that they are there, no, it's the Martian way of life.

Would you like to go to Mars, if it like John Carter of Mars?

[free]

http://s14.postimg.org/iuk8gvcwt/images_CA0_V997_F.jpg (http://postimg.org/image/iuk8gvcwt/)


Which question has not been asked?

[Pendragon]

If I had the answer to that, I wouldn't be on here asking foolish questions!

Why is it wrong to dislike someone?

[Pompey Bum]

Because it implies you give a sh*t.

Do clams have mouths?

[free]

Yes, and they have pearly teeth.

To baa or not to baa?

[Pompey Bum]

To baa. But it's technically known as a Souzaphone.

If you had all the tea in China, would it really still be in China? So then what would you have?

[Pendragon]

A villa in China.

Why do people switch horses in mid-stream?

[Pompey Bum]

So they don't contaminate the specimen.

Didn't the Tarters live kind of far from the ocean to have had much need of Tarter sauce?

[Pendragon]

No. These are the people who invented Tarter Control toothpaste.

What was the great fuss about the Visigoths?

[Pompey Bum]

They were a bunch of smart Alarics.

Was there a Decline and Summer of the Roman Empire?

[Pendragon]

With some of their insane Caesars, likely.

Why do geese fly in v formation?

[Pompey Bum]

They have a very primitive alphabet.

If a deaf bear sh*t in the woods, and no one heard, would it make a sound?

[Pendragon]

Not that the bear could hear, anyhoo

If your dog is trained to eat at the ring of a bell, what happens when it's your turn to host the bell choir practice?

[Pompey Bum]

In the immortal words of Jethro Bodine: I'll be dogged if I know!

How come Pavlov wanted dog spit anyway?

[Pendragon]

Who knows what madness lurks in the realms of scientists?Not even the Shadow knows....

Who would want to be the patient they are using in the transplant a human head experiment?

[Pompey Bum]

Not me. Until spinal cord reattacment is possible without paralysis, I'll wait for full body brain transplants.

Are the floors of griffins' caves lined with old newspaper?

[Calidore]

Griffin lore dates from around 3000 B.C., long before newspapers, so the floors are actually lined with old papyrus scrolls.

How did the chimera's three heads decide who would be dominant?

[Pompey Bum]

The one with the brains in its butt made all the decisions. That's how management works.

Aren't chimps in zoos showing a lot of control by not giving everyone the finger?

[Calidore]

Dunno, different cultures have different flip-off gestures, while throwing poop is pretty universal.

How does she make any money selling seashells by the seashore, where everyone can find them?

[Pompey Bum]

Dunno, different cultures have different flip-off gestures, while throwing poop is pretty universal.

Good point.


How does she make any money selling seashells by the seashore, where everyone can find them?

I think she's really selling drugs.

If you were a baby, would you be lulled into blissful sleep by a song about cradles falling out of trees?

[Pendragon]

I imagine to some that would be better than reality, sad to say... But, no, it would terrify me.

Why does "poppa go a hunting, to get a little rabbit skin to wrap the baby bunting in? How big are these bunnies?

[Pompey Bum]

Well, big bunnies, but with little skins. The stretch marks were appalling. And who exactly was taking care of Baby Bunting if Mama went a'milking while Papa went a'hunting? I'm calling Child Protective Services, that's all I can say.

If ginger men screamed as you bit off their limbs would they still be so yummy?

[Pendragon]

Yes, but you would feel like a cannibal

Did you ever consider that a violin is played by horse-hair on cat-intestines?

[Pike Bishop]

No.


Why do older people in every generation bemoan contemporary music when they know the generation preceding them bemoaned theirs?

[Pendragon]

Age brings forgetfulness

If Farmer Brown takes a cow to market, sells her, and buys two more cows, how long will it take him to become a Cattle Baron?

[Pompey Bum]

Unless he got magic beans for them, he can pretty much forget about it.

If the Germans had let gays in the military during WWI, would there have been a Pink Baron?

[Pike Bishop]

Gays, particularly military Gays, are as fond of deep red as they are of pink...so, probably not.

Is there any explanation for why Paul McCartney, one of the greatest songwriters ever, wrote the horrific dreck he wrote with Wings?

[Calidore]

1. He had no Lennon to go back and forth with.
2. He had nothing left to prove and no need for money, and so was just having fun.

Where do socks go when they vanish from the dryer?

[Pompey Bum]

On the road a bit, just to get their heads together after the break up. Note that one is almost always left behind.

Shouldn't people start parking their cars under sofa cushions so they'll always have their keys?

[Pendragon]

If cars get any smaller, they might!

BTW, Unless Farmer Brown buys a BULL, he ain't gonna make it!

If train A leaves station C at 5:15 and train B leaves station D at 5:20 is there any chance students still care about word problems?

[Pompey Bum]

Unless Farmer Brown buys a BULL, he ain't gonna make it!

Not if they were magic les-beans!