Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Answer

[Maryd.]

They were deceived by all the bumps and hills and such that they thought some one was playing a trick on them.

Why do we have different times in different parts of the world?

[BienvenuJDC]

Just to confuse us

Why can't my baby girl change her own diaper?

[Maryd.]

Because she's not tall enough.

Why can't we eat and drink at the same time?

[BienvenuJDC]

You can't?

Why do "they" try too hard to make stars from untalented people?

[Maryd.]

To shove it in the faces of the people that are talented. (That could actually be true)

Why are people who are talented think they are?

[Pendragon]

Why is a question that indicates a reason, which is that all talented people tend to be snobs

Who told some of the singers today that they actually had talent?

[Maryd.]

Um er, Simon Cowel (Hope that the correct spelling of his name?)

Why are some people dumb?

[Nikhar]

dumb? isn't that the new short form of 'dumbbell'?


Why does people's noses run?

[aliengirl]

run??? Show me their legs.

Why do we go to sleep?

[Nikhar]

so that sandman doesnt go unemployed.

Why do we have to study?

[BienvenuJDC]

Cuz we're ignorant...

Why is 'aliengirl' ogling the legs of the noses?

[Pendragon]

Because somewhere out there an English Major is crying

Why do we call moving fast "hauling ***"?

[Jazz_]

Because it takes some effort to move our ***es.

What sound does a fish make?

[Gerda13]

Poop-poop...

Why is Darla (Finding Nemo) killing fish?

[Pendragon]

Hit Fish for the Sharks

Why do adults watch cartoons?

[aliengirl]

Because they don't mean any kidding.

Why do adults read stories for children?

[Gerda13]

Because they love the idea of reverting to children state

I was listening to "Cassandra " by Abba and this question popped up in my head...

Why nobody listened to poor prophetess?

[Jazz_]

Because then there wouldn't have been enough inspiration for an epic tale...

How would you respond if someone was ignoring you?

[Maryd.]

Boo!

Why on earth did that stupid chicken cross the road for anyway?

[Pendragon]

Because it was there

What sound does a opossum make?

[Gerda13]

They make ticklish sound

Stupid question from book again..

Why has Voldemort killed Lily?

[Jesterhead]

because she wouldn't put out

why are there 5 miles to the nearest basketball court?

[Maryd.]

To test your basket ball skills.

Why do we have showers?

[Pendragon]

Because it rains

Why does lightning flash?

[Maryd.]

To warn you to block your ears the thunder is coming.

Why do humans need to know things?

[Pendragon]

To make up for only using 1/10th of their brain

Why are stop signs octagonal?

[Maryd.]

To keep up with our 8 eyes.

Why do we die?

[Pendragon]

There is some debate about that

What do we call ground beef "hamburger"?

[Maryd.]

A Gastric roll.

Why is the moon so far away?

[Virgil]

So that the man on the moon can hide.

Why fish swim?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because it's hard to walk in the current.

Why do we spend so much time on LitNet?

[Maryd.]

To find our family tree.

Why am I so silly.

[aliengirl]

:smilewinkgrin: At last you have discovered yourself.

Why is rush hour traffic so slow?

[Gerda13]

Cos people are afraid of MaloMyotismon blocking their way...

What caused the birth of flies in Mordor?

[Heathcliff]

Mummy flies and Daddy flies.

Why are tomatoes blue?

[Pendragon]

Because you are color-blind

Why do you never see a humming bird walk?

[BienvenuJDC]

It's hard to hum and walk at the same time

When a professional athlete is in a game, are they WORKing or PLAYing?

[aliengirl]

They are earning while enjoying.

Why do rockets fly upwards?

[Gerda13]

Cos Cassandra of Troy told them to...

Why was she born,anyway?

[Pendragon]

Well if you don't know about "the birds and the bees" don't expect me to enlighten you :rolleyes:

Why do people not fly?

[Maryd.]

Because their wings drop of at birth

What are 'the birds and the bees'?

[aliengirl]

They are the things with wings.

Why do clouds sometimes look like animals?

[Jazz_]

Because they are jealous of their cuteness...

Is midnight part of the previous or succeeding day?

[The Book]

The succeeding day....

Who am I?

[Jazz_]

You are you.

What is this?

[Beautifull]

What you see.

What am I doing?

[Jazz_]

Sitting at the computer.

Why is it raining?

[Pendragon]

It isn't. The angels are crying

Why do penguins only live in Antarctica?

[Beautifull]

They don't. They live where it's cold enough.

Why aren't there more colors than three?

[Jazz_]

There are, we just can't tell the difference...

Why can't dogs see rainbows?

[Beautifull]

Because they're not that colorful!

Why do birds fly?

[Pendragon]

Walking takes too long

Why do we call them "woodpeckers"?

[Haunted]

because it would be rude to call them head banging tree suckers

what dynasty do monarch butterflies belong to?

[BienvenuJDC]

The Flutterbies Dynasty

Why are people rude to one another?

[Haunted]

because some people are born without the the polite gene

who did AA batteries beat up?

[BienvenuJDC]

AAA batteries?

How did you come up with that last question?

[Haunted]

because I'm stupid

why did you ask that question?

[BienvenuJDC]

I thought I wasn't smart enough to understand it

Am I in trouble?

[Haunted]

that's EXACTLY the answer I would give, so yes, you are in trouble

what's the difference between trouble and Trouble?

[BienvenuJDC]

bruises

What constitutes getting in Trouble?

[Haunted]

being a man

when does a man become a mensch?

[Gerda13]

In a sausage factory

When do reindeers return to Europe?

[BienvenuJDC]

Christmas eve

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

[Haunted]

just one but you need to click it 500 times (just 10 if you're using a Mac)

does the sun have a father?

[BienvenuJDC]

Yes, and he's VERY bright

How many STUPID TV shows can they come up with?

[aliengirl]

Infinite, as long as there are fools to watch them.

How do you deal with fools?

[Jazz_]

Confuse them before providing a simple solution - they will warm to it immediately.

Why are 100 buffalo frightened by one lion?

[Beautifull]

because buffalo don't have teeth.

Why are there four letters in Love?

[aliengirl]

Because it is an even number. (Will make the task ahead evenly smooth. lol!)

Why do we bunk classes?

[Tournesol]

Cause there are better things to do.

Where does trouble end?

[dafydd manton]

When you stop bunking classes.

If we don't learn from history, is it still history or merely mythology?

[hoope]

still history !!!!

what is earth ?

[dafydd manton]

The oppothite of thumthing that ith mine!

Why is the grass? (Something that my daughter, aged 5, asked me, in 1981!!)

[hoope]

because its gree - hehehe ( couldn't find better answer ..:D)

Why is the earth going around the sun .. ?

[Jazz_]

It thinks the sun is beautiful, but is too shy to go closer and introduce itself...

Why are there so many questions?

[dafydd manton]

Because if there weren't, there wouldn't be so many answers, and we'd all be ignorant.

At what point does something become garbage?

[aliengirl]

When you don't know how to use it.

Why do we recycle things?

[dafydd manton]

Just because your granny doesn't do much any more, would it be reasonable to have her melted down for candles?

If mankind evolved from apes, why do you never see a monkey wearing glasses?

[Olga4real]

Because they don't know yet that if they wore glasses they would look more intelligent.

Why the sun rises in the East?

[aliengirl]

Because the earth always rotates in one direction.

Why do we spend so much money on space research?

[dafydd manton]

Because it's on the Japanes flag, and Japan is east of here.

If Superman deflects bullets with his chest, why does he duck when you throw the gun at him?

[dafydd manton]

Spend money on space research? Because rockets sink if you try and use them to look at the sea bed.

Are Wildebeests really Wild, if they're in a zoo

[Haunted]

If Superman deflects bullets with his chest, why does he duck when you throw the gun at him?

He ducked so that the gun would hit one of the Wildebeests behind him

Wildebeests are not wild, they just went batty in the zoo

How can butter fly?

[Jazz_]

It gets thrown across the room when a recipe fails...

Why are prawn-crackers made from prawns when dog biscuits aren't made from dogs and bird seed isn't made from birds?

[dafydd manton]

Dogs run faster than prunes......sorry, I meant prawns. Curse Freud!

When Britain had Dog Licences, if you didn't pay your annual fee they impounded the dog. Why didn't they do that with Marriage Licences?

[Haunted]

too many fleas — they are huge on delinquent married couples

do bees call each other honey? and what do they call their ex's?

[Pendragon]

certainly and they tell their ex's to Buzz Off

Why do people fish and call it sport?

[dafydd manton]

Because they haven't got the imagination to find a more legitimate reason for sitting either on a river-bank or in a boat and drinking beer.

Who decided that we needed a 93rd repeat of I Love Lucy?

[Haunted]

because there was still one person awake during the 92nd repeat

why does everything taste like chicken?

[Pendragon]

It doesn't, people just think folks eat more chicken than anything else, so they use it as an acid test

Why do we see color?

[aliengirl]

Because we have a jaundiced eye.

Why do we take photographs?

[dafydd manton]

To compensate for the fact that our colour vision is rubbish, unless you work in Sepia, when the theory falls down a bit. Also, cows can only see in black and white, which is why you never see a Fresian with a camera.

If we are what we eat, why do so many people like nuts?

[Haunted]

they ate enough pig guts to admit they're nuts

what airline flies to cloud 9?

[dafydd manton]

British Airways were going to, but the cabin staff objected, so they only went as far as 8.
How long would it take a fly wearing boxing gloves to swim through a 2lb jar of treacle?

[Pendragon]

It depends on whether or not he removes the gloves... Here's Your Sign!

How many tires on a tricycle?

[dafydd manton]

That depends entirely upon whether there is a tyre on each wheel whether the rider has a "spare tyre" or not, and whether, if you use the American spelling, he is tiring or tired.

Why do those clergymen who object to women being ordained still wear long flowing robes, silk gloves and rhinestone rings?

[Maryd.]

Because they are in the midst of transitioning to a female.

Why don't we grow hair on our palms?

[Pendragon]

Because "palms" are trees, and plants do not grow hair...

Why do people in England and in the USA drive on opposite sides of the road?

[dafydd manton]

To provide a certain amount of sport when one of us visits the other's country.

Why, oh why did somebody invent the till in supermarkets that beeps every time you kit a key or scan an item?

[farnoosh]

just for advertisment my friend!

why is there so many universities in the world and still you have to get good grades to get in them?

[ennison]

Because overpaid profs don't want the challenges that are faced by underpaid schoolteachers.

If England is going to win the world cup (ha ha ha) why do the rest bother?

[dafydd manton]

Because if England can only force a draw with the USA, who don't even play football, the rest of them are in it just for the laughs.

Why did teachers stop wearing mortar boards and gowns?

[aliengirl]

Because they are not teaching at Hogwarts.

Why did my teacher wear sunglasses in the classroom?

[Gerda13]

Cos he/she was an alien

Why is Akito Sohma so mean?And is he he,or is he she?

[dafydd manton]

I heard that he/she is a teacher at Hogwarts, which is just magic.

If you can buy different sizes of egg, why can't you buy properly graded egg-cups?

[free]

Because eggs are struggling for classless society.


If you counted leaves in a forest, when would you give it up?

[dafydd manton]

By that, did you mean "When would I leave it out?" Just as soon as I had finished.

Why do people cook lots of foods of differing flavours, then make them all taste the same by smothering the lot in gravy?

[hoope]

when i see the most beautiful one that takes my breath away and then i would have forget where i reached in counting :D

Can Serbia win the world cup ?

[hoope]

By that, did you mean "When would I leave it out?" Just as soon as I had finished.

Why do people cook lots of foods of differing flavours, then make them all taste the same by smothering the lot in gravy?

Oops sorry EDITING :

Because that what a cook do :P

Can serbia win the world cup ?

[dafydd manton]

Only if they've got a football team, assuming you meant Soccer, not Rugby League, Rugby Union, Cricket, Hockey, Tiddley-Winks, Hen-Racing etc etc etc zzzzzz

What is the strongest adhesive known to man?

[aliengirl]

Love and may be HATE too!

How is internet useful to you?

[NikolaiI]

It helps me with my connect-the-dots puzzles.

How do sloths climb trees?

[dafydd manton]

Very, very slowly. So slowly that y o u c a n ' t s e e t h e m m o v e !

Why did Pythagoras bother?

[Pendragon]

Boredoom.

Why do we have to take stuff in school that we will never use?

[Maryd.]

To prove to the teachers that we can carry things

Are teachers really smart?

[dafydd manton]

If you were smart, would you be spending your time trying to get something over to a recalcitrant teenager? Possibly not, but you certainly couldn't do it effectively without being dedicated, and probably a touch altruistic. And mad. Some teachers are incredibly smart, some are on the mediocre side of mediocrity!

Assuming that you don't live in France, or aren't French, when was the last time that you spoke French?

[Pendragon]

Pourquoi?

Why do people think the French are all snobs?

[dafydd manton]

Any nation that can produce the 2CV, Camembert, Edith Piaff, Mireille Mathieu, Gauloises cigarettes and eats frogs legs and snails could hardly be accused to snobbery?

Of course, the question is.....why would anybody want to eat a snail?

[aliengirl]

Because they may be slow witted.

Why would anyone want to eat an elephant?

[dafydd manton]

There's just enough for even the largest family, and everybody gets a leg. Mind you, it's a heck of a job pulling the wish-bone.

If animals are smart enough to hibernate, why don't humans?

[Maryd.]

Oh that's an easy question... Because humans are dumb.

Are animals smarter than humans?

[Haunted]

only those that sleep on one leg are smarter

why do we wear tight jeans despite that they cut off our blood circulation?

[Maryd.]

Because they are fun to put on, when lying on a bed.

Why does the sun shine?

[Jazz_]

To make the world less dull...

Why do parrots talk?

[Haunted]

They talk because it's natural to them, we just mimick them

when we eat our words, do we season them first?

[BienvenuJDC]

Yes, we season them with a little bit of crow...

When you wish upon a star, do you burn the bottoms of your feet?

[Jazz_]

Yes, and the rest of your body too...

Why is the Earth not flat?

[aliengirl]

Because then the journey's won't end in lover's meeting.

Why do people fall in love?

[dafydd manton]

Because it feels good - even after many years!

Why do people break up?

[Pendragon]

Car wrecks, falling, assaults, etc.


Why does "Break a leg" mean "good luck" in theater circles?

[Haunted]

because they can't break the back, the show must go on.

why are award shows so damn long?

[dafydd manton]

In order to give exposure to people that otherwise most of us would never have heard of.

Why is custard yellow?

[aliengirl]

Because it is not burnt.

Why cannot a fish live outside water?

[Maryd.]

Because they feel naked.

Why us the sun so hot?

[Pendragon]

Some one left the lights on

Why do we have catfish and dogfish but not peoplefish?

[dafydd manton]

Because that would make us in to cannibals, and thus no better than fish.

Why is reality TV called so, when the one thing that isn't is real?

[giventofly]

Because "Untalented, beautiful people given a script and maufactured drama" isn't as catchy.

Why is the grass always greener on the otherside?

[dafydd manton]

Refraction, reflection and a warped imagination.

What is the point of the vuvuzela?

[ennison]

The nearest thing to a point is the end you blow in

Why do English football commentators all sound brain-dead or in Mick McCarthy's case like a bored zombie?

[dafydd manton]

Largely because they ARE brain dead. I actually heard on not that long ago say "If that had gone n the net it would have been a goal". Even I, a Welsh Rugby fan, know that!

Exactly how hot is "piping" hot?

[ennison]

As hot as the late Gordon Duncan's bagpipe music.

Why did Shakespeare write in quotes?

[dafydd manton]

Plagiarism.

If evolution is true, why do I wear glasses, but our cat doesn't?

[ennison]

Because cool cats don't wear specs and besides evolution's bunkum.

If I go to night classes will I be able to see in the dark?

[dafydd manton]

Only if the classes happen to be in the cultivation of carrots.

Why do schools teach French when the only reason for going there is a holiday or for cheap booze?

[Pendragon]

You gotta at least know the words to order said cheep booze...

Why do people think meaningless triva shows education?

[dafydd manton]

Because my English teacher, who was 5 feet 11 inches tall and had a mole on his left arm, said so! He had also never been in the Charge of the Light Brigade, but he liked quoting the poem.

What the heck is a league, anyway?

[Maryd.]

It was a typo... The word was originally meant to be 'Leg'... You know use your legs...

Why do we ask so many stupid questions?

[dafydd manton]

Are you hoping I know enough to ask an intelligent one?

[ennison]

BECAUSE THEY HELP US TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEANINGLESS TRIVIA AND MEANINGFUL TRIVIA.

Why are there always plenty reasons for war?

[dafydd manton]

Because there so many religions.

What is the difference between a Beano, a Bunfight and a Jamboree?

[Pendragon]

Is there one or is a a difference that makes no difference and so moot?

Why do we ask stupid questions?

[dafydd manton]

Becuase without stupid questions, this 'ere thread would be a bit of a damp squib!

Why do we ask the questions we ask when we know that the answer is going to be stupid?

[Maryd.]

Because stupidly, we still need to know.

Did they call Henry the 8th, 8, because he had 8 wives?

[Pendragon]

Actually, it was the number of time he had meals per day. He could thus have been referred to as Henry the 8Ate

Why is history always considered factual?

[dafydd manton]

Because we haven't considered whether it was written by the victor or the vanquished, both of whom seem to have a mildly different viewpoint. See British History.

Why did Boadicea change the spelling of her name to Budcca....Buddi...Budeccah...Bud. Just why did she do it?

[Pendragon]

Snobbery of the rich and famous

Why do we drive to the gym to run laps?

[Maryd.]

Just in case the gym runs away and we have to chase it.

Is it true the ocean never ends?

[dafydd manton]

Yes, it does. When you get to the bottom, easily recognisable by rock, sand, the detritus that mankind has dumped there for millenia, and all of which you can't see because it's dark.

Why do some foods need artifical flavouring to make it taste like something else?

[Maryd.]

So you think it's real food.

Is heaven above ground or beneath?

[dafydd manton]

We don't know, since some (but not me) propound the theory that we are all already dead, and this is Hell. 'Tis a view common in Sheffield, which is like Dante's Inferno with parks.

Why do so many restaurants print their menu in French, when the waiter comes from Blackpool, the Manager (Maitre d') from Birmingham and the chef is Lithuanian?

[Pendragon]

Snobbery

Why do people talk with an affected accent to make people think they understand more than one language?

[dafydd manton]

My dear old thing, c'est la plus meme chose, a simple matter of Zeitgeist, it just has a certain je ne sais quoi, or, to put it another way, it is likened unto haemorrhoids - a pain in a certain part of the anatomyt that won't go away.

Come to that, when we are discussing English, why is it described so often as a Lingua Franca?

[Astromaxis]

Because France invented all English inventions (I actually did forget the meaning of Lingua France :P)

Why are Roses SOO RED?

[dafydd manton]

Because they are jealous of the yellow ones, and the white ones are a bit too elitist.

How can olive oil be "extra virgin"? Either you are or you ain't!

[Astromaxis]

Because olives do the operation or bathe in Hera's spring or just fake it - they are bunch of fraudies those olives

Why are some people athletic?

[dafydd manton]

So that the rest of us can sit there in an armchair with a beer and a pizza, urging them on but laughing quietly to ourselves.

Why, in the old films, was it necessary to tie the heroine to the railway lines to get rid of her, rather than merely bunging her over a cliff?

[Astromaxis]

Because trains were the darkness from which films came MUHAHAHA

Why are clouds so puffy?

[dafydd manton]

Because nobody told them to straighten up and fly right.

Why are dark clouds dark, when it's only water?

[Astromaxis]

Because the water in them is so EMO

Why do parrots imitate?

[dafydd manton]

Pieces of eight, pieces of eight! Who's a pretty boy then? What does EMO mean? Pieces of eight!

Do you like your given, or first name?

[Pendragon]

That's a given, isn't it?

Why do we even have names?

[dafydd manton]

Who said that? Do I know you? Wouldn't it all be simpler if we had numbers, like in the Armed Forces? (H8103692, since you ask!)

[Astromaxis]

Yes Then We Would all be under Big Brother's thumb and be his slaves MUHAHAHA

Why are anti-heroes so popular?

[dafydd manton]

Because they are cheaper than heroes, and easier to find. See also under England Football.

Why is the grass greener on the other side, even if it's been concreted?

[Astromaxis]

Because what mama doesn't know doesn't hurt mama (Water Boy Film quote)

Why are eels so electric?

[dafydd manton]

Because gas doesn't work well under water.

Why are all goldfish called Bob?

[Astromaxis]

Because ancient legend has it that a man named Bob did the dilly dance and brought forth powers of the bowl so in memory of this great feat we name the bowl dwellers Bob

Why is Fox Mulder from the X Files named Fix?

[dafydd manton]

Because he suffres frmo dylsexia.

Why do Americans call jelly jello, and we call jelly jam?

[Astromaxis]

Because they think of J-LO and the ones who call it Jam like to Jam

Why is the sky so blue?

[dafydd manton]

Because if it were green it'd make the water a revolting colour, and if it were pink, the sunsets'd be really boring.


Do they grow malt on Malta?

[Astromaxis]

Malta is the name of the fruit in Bangla so they call it that because of it but then they added malt for globalization.

Can chlorophylls speak?

[dafydd manton]

Yeah, but only when they're green with envy.

If diamonds are merely an ancient and more compressed form of coal,why are women not impressed when you give them a lump of anthracite?

[Astromaxis]

Because it doesn't cut good into flesh like diamonds do

If you were Hemingway what would be your 2010 book title?

[dafydd manton]

Cojones! It is only Coal. That is the way it is.

Who would monopolise the conversation between Hemingway and Shakespeare, and why?

[Astromaxis]

Big Brother would nor else George Orwell would make him dance in a tutu

If Shakespeare was Juliet what he say to his Romeo, who would his Romeo be?

[dafydd manton]

"Watch it, mush. Keep yer sticky mitts to yer *****ing self!"

Who would be better at snooker, Dame Barbara Cartland or Louis Armstrong, and why?

[Astromaxis]

Armstrong as he's got the the sleepy vocals and can seduce the little balls the games are played with

Would Lady GaGa go gaga over James Joyce?

[Pendragon]

I suppose she would remain Gaga, after all it is her name

Where do we get corn liquor from?

[Maryd.]

From a cereal packet.

Where does the moon go during the day?

[Astromaxis]

To a striptease bar downtown to bet on Sun's pole dances

Why does Atlas carry the earth?

[aliengirl]

Because no one agreed to do this.

Why did people think that the earth was flat?

[dafydd manton]

Because they knew about tectonic plates, and plates are flat.

What did Pythagoras think he was going to achieve?

[Astromaxis]

A cool name nerds can party with

Why do bacteria photosynthesize?

[dafydd manton]

Boredom.

Is there any truth in the rumour that Francis Bacon was Jewish?

[Astromaxis]

Yes no wonder Antonio thought he was Shylock

Do energonic reactions really use ATP?

[Jazz_]

No, they just keep it safe so that it can be released later.

What is hotter than the sun?

[Pendragon]

Hell

Why do we think we know it all?

[dafydd manton]

Because if we didn't, this would be one boring thread!!!!

If God had meant us to be vegetarians, why did He make animals out of meat?

[Astromaxis]

Because as we all innately desire sin then killing others would be a less tragic and we would all be glum as potatoes

Why are there mountain goats?

[dafydd manton]

Because there are mountains.

Where do they breed haggises, or are they wild?

[Astromaxis]

haggises are wild because they are just so wild a sport

What are the functions of wisdom teeth?

[dafydd manton]

To convince thick people who feel that they have had a wasted life that eventually they have been imbued with some wisdom, albeit vicarious. Also, an excuse for pain being enjoyable.

If flying is so safe, why do those guys selling Life Insurance at airports do such a roaring trade?

[Astromaxis]

Because life is insured by them. Don't pay you can't stay

Why are trees green then change colour?

[dafydd manton]

A combination of carotinids and peer pressure.

What is the point of the duck-billed platypus?

[Astromaxis]

To tease ducks that flat bills ain't a monopoly

Why are drug addicts addicted?

[Pendragon]

They feel drugs are to die for

Why do people constantly opine on things that are none of their bleeping business?

[dafydd manton]

Because if they didn't, they'd all be talking about things they knew about, which would be the end of civilisation as we know it, Jim.

If little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice, why do they smother it all with cheap perfume when they get older?

[Astromaxis]

Because society tells them that cheapness is where the cash-heart lies

If boys are so aggressive why do we have females hitting men also?

[dafydd manton]

So that those who are dim enough to think that violence can work have a way of warming themselves, since they burned their underwear years ago. See also gravity.

Why did the Romans cover themselves in armour, then wear open-toed sandas?

[Astromaxis]

Because they want to invert the Achilles philosophy

Why do people believe in polygamy?

[dafydd manton]

No idea - if parrots want more than one partner, that's up to them. Mind you, there's always the risk of psitticosis.

What gives red squirrels the idea that they are better than grey ones?

[DocHeart]

Because they were on holiday when the Berlin wall came down.

Why do we spend our lives working?

[Genocide]

Because if we didn't work we would spend time enjoying ourselves and the 11th commandment says "Thou shalt not enjoyeth thy selfeth.... evereth."

If bigger is better than why do we like gadgets so small, we lose them every two seconds?

[Astromaxis]

Because egos never come in small sizes

Was Lady GaGa really calling Alejandro in her "Alejandro" video?

[dafydd manton]

Who knows........!

Why did she wear a telephone on her head?

[Genocide]

So she can have a phone with her for whenever Beyonce calls her... unfortunately those aren't allowed in jail.

Why is it that doing is said do-ing, but boing is said boyng and not bo-ing.... or doyng?

[dafydd manton]

To prevent any native English speakers feeling really comfortable with the illogicality of it all.

Will I pull through from this rough cough I got ploughing, because I've had enough?

[Pendragon]

Yes, it's all in your head anyway

Why do they sterilize needle for lethal injection executions?

[dafydd manton]

There's nothing more embarrassing than a corpse with a nasty infection - you might catch something, and try putting that on an insurance claim form.

If a man speaks in a forest, and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

[Maryd.]

Yes... He could be speaking to a female tree. (hahahaha)

Are aliens real?

[dafydd manton]

I can only answer that after I've spoken to the little green man with antennae in the corner of the room.

Why did they name the planet Pluto after a cartoon dog?

[Astromaxis]

Because Disney runs a dictatorship that extends fairytales

Why is Dragon Ball Z turned into a movie?

[dafydd manton]

Who knows from Dragon Ball X or whatever, already?

[Astromaxis]

(Uh...you Didn't ask a question alrighty)

Would Beyonce have done that duet with GaGa if Madonna told her no to?

[dafydd manton]

I know nothing of these people, who do not inhabit the life of one so venerable, indeed, almost to the point of being antediluvian. My idea of modern stopped in 1974.

Who are these strange sounding beings? Which planet do they populate?

[Astromaxis]

These beings Eunanimes and they inhabit mainstremas and reach our planet through lyricadium - a rare stone that grows on trees.

Will you go Waka Waka for them?

[dafydd manton]

I'm sorry, I only go Waka Waka for ichthyosaurs and pterodactyls

Why go Waka Waka when you could go Oggy Oggy Oggy?

[Genocide]

Because going ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing is too hard.

Why does grape flavor smell the way it does when actual grapes don't taste or smell like that?

[dafydd manton]

To save using actual grapes, for which there is a better destiny, usually invovling being trampled on and bunged in a bottle.

Why are beef flavour crisps (chips) OK for vegetarians, but cheese and onion flavour ones aren't?

[Genocide]

Because Veggies like being difficult. (and really...?)

Why would Lady GaGa want a Bad Romance?

[dafydd manton]

Because it is laid down in law, Statue No 1878394, section 7, sub-section 49, para 356, sub-para 114, line 5 from the word "culturally bereft", amended 2006, revised 2009, ignored 1010. Approximately

Why did Beethoven go deaf?

[Astromaxis]

After making love to Lady GaGa and getting fried badly deafness is known to be a side effect

Why would Mozart like Lady GaGa?

[dafydd manton]

I should imagine, like the vast majority of those who aspire to some form of culturalism, Mozart would have hated that atonal, talentless screeching. Not that I am biased in any way shape or form, but frankly, it is starting to look like a schoolboy obsession!

Was Mozart really a Freemason?

[Astromaxis]

Yes because mason's are free to do whatever they like with Walt Disney (and I do mean whatever :yikes:)

Would cows abducted by aliens learn their language?

[dafydd manton]

No reason why not - "Moo" is reckoned to universally understood. Ask Zaphod Beeblebrox, he was President.

Was Samuel Morse dotty?

[Astromaxis]

Dotty Dotty Samuel Morsey Dotty Dotty It's His Theme Sone (I don't know the guy actually :P)

Would Queen Victoria Marry George Washington?

[dafydd manton]

Probably not, since both have shuffled off this mortal coil, gone to meet their maker, dead, deceased, snuffed it, ceased to be, gone to join the Choir Invisible, become an ex-prime minister and an even more ex Monarch. Tends to cramp the style somewhat.

What does it say about Prince Albert's Teutonic superiority that he succumbed to an iffy drain in Hackney?

[Astromaxis]

That he is a royal pain in the butt

Would you love Westerns if the British were in them too?

[dafydd manton]

They'd be brilliant. "I say, old boy, kindly dismount from your equine quadruped and drink your milk!" "The jolly old heck I would, Mr Kincaid, old chap!" "The Good, the Bad and the Really Not Terribly Attractive, all things considered, what?" "The Bunfight at the 'Good Show' Corrall"

Are America and Britain really divided by a common language, as Churchill reckoned?

[Astromaxis]

The colourful language indeed or shall I state colorful old chap or old boy/man

Would Thursday Next Of Jasper Fford novels have an Bangali/Indian version?

[dafydd manton]

Bollywood are working on it as we speak!

Why are nearly alll the Indian restaurants in England actually Pakistani, Bangladeshi or Kashmiri?

[Genocide]

Because they all want to be Indian. Duh. :]

Why are people looking for Waldo? (As in Where's Waldo or Where's Wally in some places.)

[dafydd manton]

Because nobody wants to be called Wally, so if we find him, he can't be us!

Why would a Pakistani want to be thought of as an Indian?

[Genocide]

So they can say they're the real Slim Shady.

Why is it that every scary movie has a naughty scene?

[Astromaxis]

Because Of The Great Divide that Androgyny protests

Scary movies have naughty scenes that are too scary to be kinky :D

Would Ironman marry Elizabeth I?

[dafydd manton]

NO - the Iron Lady was Margaret Thatcher, and that was the ony way there would have been a magnetic attraction. There is now a magnetic attraction between me and my bed. See you guys on the morrow, if I haven't got any work to do! Nos da!

[Astromaxis]

Sleep Well Dafyd :D

Are sleeping pills valid if you are asleep?

[dafydd manton]

Sorry, I missed that one, I was asleep. Seriously, I was in an army hospital once, and the woke this poor bloke up, just to give him a sleeping tablet.

What gave Quasimodo the hump?

[Pendragon]

Slumping against the wall dog tired after ringing those bleeping bells

What made The Phantom of the Opera so ugly?

[dafydd manton]

He found out that he'd been cast in another Lloyd-Webber show.

If people complain that they are short sighted, yet they can still see the moon, where does the problem lie?