Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Answer

[BienvenuJDC]

You didn't let it watch Camp Rock...

Should I go to bed soon?

[Heathcliff]

Nah.

Camp is a bad influence, I would never let my plant watch him do anything of the sort.

Would you camp under a rock?

[BienvenuJDC]

I would never let my plant watch him

him??

[Heathcliff]

him??

Ah, Camp is more a guy's name.

Does anyone know where Bob went?

[BienvenuJDC]

He left?

What about Bob?

[Heathcliff]

How did the apples get in there in the first place?

[Maryd.]

Because Bob has a big mouth.

Is the earth really round?

[Heathcliff]

What in this whole flat world would give you that idea?

Why did Captain Cook use a boat to get to Australia, why didn't he use his wings to fly?

[Satan]

FAA put him on the no-fly list.

Do donkeys know how stupid they are?

[Maryd.]

Yes, because they think their eee-aww is everytime an angel gets his wings.

Can pigs really fly?

[Silas Thorne]

They can, but only ones that can enter their crysalis and transform into flying ones.

Why are there thorns on rose stems?

[BienvenuJDC]

So women can make fools of men in even another way...

Do Robins really have anything to do with Bats?

[Silas Thorne]

Robins are always training to be Bats, but they don't stay up late enough to complete their training.

Who is the eye at the top of the pyramid?

[BienvenuJDC]

Someone with a very pointy head...

Do blonds really have more fun?

[Maryd.]

I dyed my hair blond once, but I didn't have any fun.

Why do men whistle at women?

[Heathcliff]

Generations of mutilation.

Why did they invent the coaster?

[hack]

because it had not been invented yet (of course)!



Who was invention's grandmother (a grandmother being necessary)?

[Maryd.]

The Mistake of course... Without the mistake - invention would never have been born.

Why do we have cars?

[Virgil]

Because bicycles don't expell exhaust.

Why are sneakers smelly?

[Maryd.]

To compete with your feet.

Why do most men like sports?

[Thespian1975]

it's an excuse to NOT go shopping!

Why is the sun hot?

[Pessimistix]

It's to stop space from smelling like almonds.

Are red squirrels better singers than grey squirrels?

[Maryd.]

Of course... Red is a brighter colour, so they are brighter singers.

Are women weaker than men?

[Satan]

Only when it's convenient.

Why were dinosaurs so huge?

[Maryd.]

They weren't, everything else was so small.

Why is it people are scared of their emotions?

[Pessimistix]

This is actually a myth. Emotion is actually a shortened and slightly varied version of the latin phrase enormicus titanicus which roughly translated is 'big scary monster'. The name pretty much stuck.

How do we know the correct name for a tree is 'tree'?

[Maryd.]

Because the man who first named the tree was Italian and when the asked him how many big fuzzy things on a stick, were there... He said... "Won, too, tiree... So they named it after the last word. Tree.

Why do men grow beards?

[Pessimistix]

Beards were, upon a time, used as traps to snare prey. The male would grow his beard to great volume and length, before dying it with natural products. He would then lie perfectly still on the ground with his mouth slightly open, wiggling his tongue. Small animals would mistake the mouth as refuge, and the tongue as potentially cornered prey and scurry inside.

This habit continued with modern man evolving this technique to entice hapless females. Success rates are low.

Is laughter really the best medicine?

[Maryd.]

I don't know, let me read the label on the bottle and get back to you.
Why are numbers necessary?

[aliengirl]

Without them we will be outnumbered!

Why don't we have eyes on the back of our head?

[Maryd.]

Then we would all have to shave our heads to see and the old bald fuddy duddies, will get jealous.

Why do we need noses?

[Silas Thorne]

Because our pores aren't big enough to breathe through.

Can you handle Truth?

[Maryd.]

No, usually you listen to it, not pick it up and exchange it, from hand to hand.

Is the world round?

[Silas Thorne]

I can't see from where I'm standing.

Why do we fall down?

[krisgil_aguila]

because if not, we would be fall upward.

why do computer keyboards are not in alphabetical order?

[Satan]

'twas designed by a dyslexic.

Why are some so unpredictable?

[Heathcliff]

Someone took the keys off and rearranged them.

Why did the dog say, 'orange! Orange!'?

[snowdrop17]

Because it can't say, 'blue, blue'.

Why do we bake a cake?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because it can't bake itself, silly!


Why should you let a sleeping dog lie?

[toni]

Because it's cruel to make them sleep whilst standing up.


Why do we have to be taught how to read and write?

[aliengirl]

Because the computers can't do it alone.

Why do moles live underground?

[Satan]

They hate us.

Where are the rules stored for particles, planets and stars to follow?

[Heathcliff]

Because if they were in the front they would get lost.

Why is a tomato a fruit?

[aliengirl]

Because it is not a flower.

Why are frogs amphibian?

[Heathcliff]

Becuase the sky is blue.

Why do zips get stuck?

[Maryd.]

Because they are sticky zips.

Why are humans so stupid?

[Satan]

Science came up with an extremely delightful idea of blaming everything on our parents. It's genetic.

If men are from Mars and women from Venus, who's from Jupiter?

[Maryd.]

Tranny's

Why is the sky blue?

[Satan]

We stole it from Pandora.

Why do male lions have a mane?

[Maryd.]

Because they forget to shave.

Why is it that attracts women to men?

[snowdrop17]

Because opposite poles attract each other.

Why rabbits have long ears?

[Heathcliff]

To tie together in front of their eyes.

Why does the solar system revolve around the Earth?

[millymichaelson]

What else would it revolve around, the Sun, that would be Solar Chaos.

Is Foster's really Australian for beer?

[Heathcliff]

Hardly. Beer is Australian for beer. Or VB around here, but it depends on the environment.
Restauraunt: Cascade
BBQ: VB

Why did you give the gorilla the beer?

[Maryd.]

Becaue if it is good for man, then it is good for his cousin.

Why is grass green?

[Satan]

'Cause it believes in global warming and green emission.

Why are stars and moon so overused in poetry?

[Maryd.]

Because poeple believe they are real.

Why do we write poetry?

[Satan]

To tell others how socially inept we are. :lol:

Why are people so biased against all things ugly?

[Maryd.]

Maybe it reminds them of themselves.

Why do we drink alcohol?

[millymichaelson]

because we're too articulate if we don't.

Why don't girls hold doors open for other girls?

[Maryd.]

Because they are jealous of them.

Why don't men give up their seat to women anymore?

[snowdrop17]

Because they are showing their true colors.

Why do people send flowers as gift ?

[Maryd.]

Because they received them as a gift and wanted to give them away.

Do you think I am insane?

[snowdrop17]

I don't want to offend anybody.

Why do owls come out at night?

[Maryd.]

Because they forget to wake up during the day.

Why do people need each other?

[Heathcliff]

To tell each other when there are kick-me signs on their back.

Why do people have backs?

[snowdrop17]

To do backbiting.

Why do we read stories?

[Maryd.]

To find friends.

Why do we eat?

[snowdrop17]

If we don't the stomach will go on a hunger strike.

Why do we send SMS?

[Maryd.]

If we don't the stomach will go on a hunger strike...

Now that one cracked me up.




Why do we send SMS?

Because our fingers need something to do, when our mouths are shut.

Why do you read?

[snowdrop17]

To learn from others mistakes.

Why do we look in the mirror?

[Maryd.]

So that we can watch it crack.

Why do women (And some men) wear make up?

[snowdrop17]

Now that one cracked me up.



:biggrin5::biggrin5:Wow! I made someone happy.Laughter is the best medicine.:smilewinkgrin::smilewinkgrin:
Now
Why do women (And some men) wear make up?

To conceal their horrible real self.

Now my chance:
Black is a color. White is also a color. So why is a black and white TV not called a color TV?

[AimusSage]

Because the guy who invented TV was colour blind and thus didn't think it prudent to call it a colour tv since he wouldn't be able to see anything if it was a colour TV.

Why are pizza's round?

[samercury]

Because it makes it a lot easier to play frisbee with them.

Why are cats so adorable?

[aliengirl]

Because they remind us of stuffed toys.

Why are hippos so ugly?

[AimusSage]

They are ugly because it scares their predators, they rather have a beautiful antilope steak than a hipp burger.

Why are the universal studios not universal, but located on a lot somewhere?

[Heathcliff]

The aliens sold them the land.

Why did Goldilocks eat the porridge?

[Maryd.]

Because she thought it would make her hair grow.

Is the moon really yellow?

[Heathcliff]

That is because it is made out of cheese.

Why does this bottle have a hole at the top?

[Maryd.]

To let in all the bugs, while you are drinking

Why is the web so confusing?

[Heathcliff]

The spider said so.

Why do some people have red hair?

[aliengirl]

Because it makes them look hot.

Why is water colorless?

[Heathcliff]

It is cheaper.

Why did the accident happen?

[aliengirl]

Because the newspaper was going blank for two days.

Why do we scratch?

[Maryd.]

Because we are looking for the flea.

Why do fleas like dogs and cats?

[Pessimistix]

Cats and dogs spend more time closer to home than humans and that suits fleas, who are very homely creatures.

When a cow was milked for the very first time, what did the person milking it think was going to happen?

[Maryd.]

That the cow would go... Toot - Toot.

Why are we born?

[Pessimistix]

Early women found in favour of this, rather than laying an egg.

Why does it rain?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because we are sick of the snow...

Why are there ten hot dogs in a pack, when there are twelve buns?

[Haunted]

the two extra buns are for cleaning up after the dogs

If I wear one of those aerodynamic biker suits when I walk, will I get to my destination faster?

[BienvenuJDC]

No...you have to wear an aerodynamic walker suit for that...

Why is the sky blue?

[Haunted]

It's actually swirls of orange and purple if you see it through Ozzy Osbourne's little round glasses.

Would it cause a mayhem if I store a crow bar right next to a monkey bar?

[BienvenuJDC]

The result would be the Cro-monknus Man Bar...

Why is it impossible to return a car jack into its exact position after changing a tire?

[Haunted]

You should have used a car jane (men are impossible.....)

why can't we see in the dark?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because your eyes are shut...

When will we ever learn?

[Maryd.]

When I finish writing the book called "learning - the Idiots Way."

Why do some people stir other people?

[AimusSage]

Because they have a big spoon up their backside and have a need to use it.....

Why is red not the same as brown when you consider colours to be unique?

[Maryd.]

Because they have a big spoon up their backside and have a need to use it.....

Oh, Aimussage... This one just blew me away. You made my day dear. Thanks.

Because red had a fight with brown and they are no longer colorful friends.

Why are people always searching for ansers?

[AimusSage]

Because if they didn't they'd be doing nothing but be in a state of absolute nothingness.

What happened to the sweeping scenes in movies?

[Maryd.]

The cleaners came a day before the opening. Sorry.

Why is the world round?

[AimusSage]

It has to do with the effects of circular reasoning...

Why is the galaxy a disc?

[Maryd.]

So we can play it on our playstation

Why do people eat?

[AimusSage]

Because if they didn't they wouldn't be fat and bulky!

What is a orison?

[Maryd.]

A lollypop.

What is a book?

[AimusSage]

Something people write to later adapt for TV

When did Uri Geller bend a spoon?

[BienvenuJDC]

He didn't really bend the spoon...because the spoon didn't really exist in the first place...

Where's Waldo?

[Heathcliff]

Chasing after 'Where's Wally'.

How did the printer make all of the words go in a straight line?

[Satan]

It was printing a disciplinary action memo.

Why do hyenas laugh?

[Heathcliff]

Due to disciplinary action memos.

Why don't fish laugh?

[Maryd.]

Because the clown fish can't tell real jokes.

Why does the earth turn.

[Heathcliff]

Because someone threw it and it didn't stop spinning.

Why is the earth flat?

[Maryd.]

Because, it forgot it's high heels at home.

What is global warming?

[Heathcliff]

Someone left the heater on.

Why isn't this remote control working?

[Maryd.]

Because the invisible man is using it.

Why do dogs bark?

[Heathcliff]

They ran out of things to say.

How did all the water get into this boat?

[Maryd.]

Someone pulled the plug.

How electricity made?

[Heathcliff]

Magic.

How did the bug get onto the inside of the computer screen?

[Maryd.]

He was looking for the virus that he spread.

How does a car run?

[BienvenuJDC]

One foot at a time...

Does a car have to walk before it runs?

[Nightshade]

It must crawl first!

why do penguins have wings?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because they want to be Pilots...

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

[Heathcliff]

It wasn't stealing, just borrowing. :lol:

What does this flashing red light mean?

[Maryd.]

I think it means go...

Is it true that we all have a twin somewhere around the world?

[Heathcliff]

I keep mine in my pocket. :D

Why did the cookie crumble?

[snowdrop17]

It was not cooked enough.

Why trees grow upwards?

[Heathcliff]

So they can fall down.

Why do trees fall down?

[aliengirl]

Because they want to sleep.

Why do we need schools?

[Heathcliff]

So fish have somewhere to live.

Why do horsies sleep standing up?

[Haunted]

so they can still be horsing around while asleep

how many trees are there in a forest?

[BienvenuJDC]

Why do horsies sleep standing up?

They don't always...

and....I can't see a forest for all these trees



What are you waiting for?

[aliengirl]

I'm waiting for Godot.

Why can't we sleep standing up?

[BienvenuJDC]

You can't?

Why do kids fight sleep so much?

[aliengirl]

Because this exercise gives them a sound sleep.

Why do kids suck their thumb?

[Maryd.]

Because it tasts better than their big toe.

Why do people dance?

[Heathcliff]

Because they have ants in their pants.

Why don't ants wear pants?

[Sapphire]

Because they have no sewing machines to make them.

Why is the internet so addicting?

[Maryd.]

I believe it drank a cup of coffee.

Why do we need a heart?

[snowdrop17]

So that someone can break it and a better one can heal it.

Why doesn't a centipede wear shoes?

[BienvenuJDC]

By the time the tie them all in the morning...it's time to go to bed again...

Why are we asking all of these questions?

[aliengirl]

So as to know who is the biggest stupid.

Why do we keep replying to these questions?

[Heathcliff]

Global warming.

Why are our heads stuck on the top of our body?

[Jackiemaggio]

Because walking on our heads would hurt.

Why are all girls crazy?

[S A R A]

Becayse alot of them are teenagers

Why do we have to go to school in the morning?

[Haunted]

because after the morning schools smell fishy

can octopus do the work of 8 people?

[BienvenuJDC]

No...only two (two people have four appendages each....two times four = eight)

Why do frogs croak?

[Haunted]

because they didn't get any singing lessons

How can I tell a pot and a kettle apart?

[Heathcliff]

If you try and plug the pot into the wall socket it messes up.

How did the bowl become flat?

[Pendragon]

Bowling... duh!

Why is water wet?

[Jazz_]

Because land is dry...

Why does 1+1=2 ?

[aliengirl]

Because it cannot be 11.

Why do we have two ears but just one tongue?

[Jazz_]

Because ears are usually smaller...

Why do eyes come in different colours?

[Pendragon]

They don't. Infraction of light causes you to see them in a different spectrum

Why is the opposite of unique not ique?

[Jazz_]

Because then the opposite universe would be iverse and we would cease to exist.

Why do cows sometimes have spots?

[Pendragon]

It's their handicap in life, like spotting someone 20 pins in bowling.

Why do frogs jump?

[Jazz_]

They're scared of the ground...

Why don't humans hibernate?

[Pendragon]

Couch potatoes do.

Why are people so lazy?

[Jazz_]

Because lazing is so fun...

Why is the Earth round?

[Heathcliff]

I rolled it around.

Why to basketballs bounce?

[Pendragon]

they don't, they dribble

Why does the sun shine, but the moon glows?

[RobinHood3000]

One's happy, the other's drunk.

How can you tell if a bearded man is blushing?

[Heathcliff]

His beard might set on fire.

How do you know if smoke on the water is really a fire in disguise?

[Pendragon]

When you see flames on the oil slick

Why do some birds fly south for the winter and some don't?

[cgrillo]

The birds that fly south for the winter are chickens (aha! pun).

Why are individual pieces of corn called ears?

[RobinHood3000]

The better to hear you eating with, my dear.

Why is a pickled cucumber called a pickle and not, say, a pickled tomato?

[Pendragon]

Because they are green, man. Red pickles would be gross!

Why does dawn crack but night falls?

[krisgil_aguila]

i don't know.

why do people flirt?

[RobinHood3000]

Because they can't lick their own elbow.

What hellish breed of cherries do they use to make cough syrup?

[Pendragon]

Castor beans flavored by cherries already rotting

Why does the earth circle the sun?

[Katy North]

Because the earth thinks the sun is a hottie but is too nervous to say anything...

Where are the "ends of the earth?"

[chrissy613]

Where God put them.

Is America really a free country?


(It's a stupid question, lol...and the stupid answer would be yes!! hahaha)

[RobinHood3000]

Not really, but then, what country really is? What person is?

When is a metaphorical glass neither half-full nor half-empty?

[Katy North]

When you drink the rest of the water or fill it up again...

What do you want to be when you grow up :D?

[Jazz_]

Taller ;)

Why does dessert come after dinner?

[Pendragon]

Only when the dessert isn't dinner! :frown2:

Why do polled herfords not vote in elections?

[dodong]

Because they dont like to...

Why do I look up when i try to figure out something???

[Maryd.]

Just in case the clouds work it out for you.

Are aliens real?

[BienvenuJDC]

Yes...and they are a hot topic in the US that we are not allowed to talk about here

Why do people streak?

[Pendragon]

Just the bare facts, sir

Why do grasshoppers fiddle?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because the cello is too big for them...

What can you do for ringing ears?

[Jazz_]

Answer them.

What should you do if your nose is running?

[Pendragon]

Try to outrun it

Why do fleas bite?

[Haunted]

because they don't want people to think that they suck

what goes on inside a bat house?

[BienvenuJDC]

They all go "batty"...

How can one cool off on a hot day?

[Pendragon]

Air conditioning pops to mind

Why do wolves howl at the moon?

[cgrillo]

No, no, it's the moon that's howling at them.

Why do frogs croak?

[Jazz_]

They have bugs stuck in their throats.

Why do birds fly?

[Pendragon]

Walking is very tiring.

Why are male ladybugs still called 'Lady'?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because they wear skirts...

Why is food referred to as "grub"?

[Pendragon]

Because many Cultures eat actual grubs

Why do flowers bloom?

[Bastable]

Because it's the mating season.

Do these pants make my butt look fat?

[BienvenuJDC]

No...your fat butt makes your butt look fat...

Why is it that no matter what a beautiful actress is doing on the big screen, her hair still looks beautiful?

[Pendragon]

Wigs and hair spray enough to deflect bullets.

Why do the bad guys never shoot straight when it comes to the good guys?

[Heathcliff]

It was an accident every single time.

Why do flies only ever fly in front of the screen, rather than around it?
(I don't think my questions are stupid enough. :()

[free]

You are right, but I'll do my best.

It only happens when there is something to be read on the screen, and because insects are not on good terms with oculists, they don't have glasses, so they must get extremely close to the screen in order to read the text.


What kind of paper is the best to write a love novel on?

[Heathcliff]

Red and shaped like a heart.

How does the computer get all the words to go in a straight line?

[Maryd.]

It hires a ruler.

Is it true that the world is round?

[Heathcliff]

I sat on it. Nope.

How do you use a chair?

[Maryd.]

You spin it around a few times, then pop it on your head.

How long is forever?

[Revolte]

(I got ninja'd by your daughter ><.)

Well forever ended about two months ago.

Why doesn't water taste like milk?

[Maryd.]

(I got ninja'd by your daughter ><.)

Well forever ended about two months ago.

Why doesn't water taste like milk?

Call me daft, but what do you mean?

Because um um, um um the fish went pee pee in the water.

What does ninja'd mean?

[Pendragon]

Ninja would.

What does the moon do when the sun is out?

[BienvenuJDC]

It moons Maryd and Heathcliff...:ciappa:

What happens when the sun shines on the dark side of the moon?

[Pendragon]

Gottdamerung

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

[lostworld]

Because Pie tastes like purple.

what is up and not a circle?

[Pendragon]

Squaresville

Why is snow white?

[BienvenuJDC]

Why is Snow White what? :lol:

Was Snow White's stepmother really that pretty to begin with?

[zanna]

No, of course not! It was only the botox.

Why do fairytales always end happily ever after?

[BienvenuJDC]

Optimistic Revisionists...

Why should we let sleeping dogs lie?

[zanna]

Because if you wake them up, they'll start barking all over again! :P

Why is it so important that the cat doesn't get out of the bag?

[BienvenuJDC]

She will scratch you....duh!

Why dancing babies so cute?

[Jazz_]

Small = cute, small baby + show of skill = extra cute

Why don't cats like water?

[Pendragon]

They prefer a good Brandy

Why does everybody carp about the obese?

[Indyben]

Because they're jealous.

Why is the cake a lie?

[Pendragon]

It always could be batter, um, better

Why does everything bad for us taste so good, and everything good for us taste so bland?

[Heathcliff]

Because the cake is a lie.

Why did the catapiller wear the monkey suit?

[Maryd.]

Because he was invited to a monkey wedding.

Why do we feel the need to ask questions?

[Pendragon]

Because we're too stupid to think for ourselves

Why don't cows fly?

[Jazz_]

Because they would be too hard to milk.

Why don't humans live in the ocean?

[Caderyn]

Because the mermaids got there before we did.

Why is the word "pants" plural?

[BienvenuJDC]

It references the two parts of the "pair" of pants...

Why isn't a shirt referenced in the plural?

[Pendragon]

It might be as in "You get two pairs of shirts when you buy a new suit" :rofl:

Why do they offer "Two Pairs of Pants" with a new suit?

[Maryd.]

Just in case you grow more legs.

Is the moon the same colour in your town as it is in mine?

[Pendragon]

Depends on what planet you're on now doesn't it

Is there intelligent life here, much less on other planets?

[Maryd.]

Yes, I believe they're called Elephants... Or is it mice.

How do you know if you are a man or woman?

[BienvenuJDC]

I check my....driver's license...

Why do babies cry?

[Maryd.]

To show the adults how it's done.

Why do adults cry?

[BienvenuJDC]

Because they hurt sometimes too

Why are people mean to one another?

[Maryd.]

Because they are paid to be...

Why are people blind to the reality of life?

[Pendragon]

Not blind, just apathetic

Why do cats caterwaul at night?

[Maryd.]

Because they are afraid of the dark

Why is it dark at night?

[Pendragon]

The sun drowns itself in the ocean as it sets. Needs relighting every morning.

Why do people ask questions?

[Maryd.]

Because they are stupid...

Why is there only one moon?

[Delta40]

because it hasn't broken into two

why do elevator doors take longer to open when you're leaving the office than when you arrive

[BienvenuJDC]

Perspective

Why are crushes so enticing?

[Pendragon]

Crushes don't crush the heart like, say, relationships

Why does toast fall butter-side down?

[Maryd.]

To add to the flavour.

Why is it people cannot be completely happy?

[BienvenuJDC]

Complete happiness is for those who are dead...

Is the title of the theme song to M*A*S*H accurate?

[Maryd.]

Depends on what you would consider accurate...

Are you a thinker?

[BienvenuJDC]

I think

What is the name of the M*A*S*H theme song?

[Pendragon]

Mashed Potatoes

Why do people still get excited over re-runs?

[Maryd.]

Because they have bad memories.

Is your night as dark as ours?

[Pendragon]

No, I'm on Light Dark for my health

What's the number for 9-1-1?

[Maryd.]

000

What's time is it, when you need a new watch?

[Pendragon]

13 o'clock

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

[BienvenuJDC]

Just to mix things up a bit

Why was there a sequel to The Neverending Story?

[aliengirl]

Because no one can see its end.

Why do we carry umbrella?

[BienvenuJDC]

So it won't rain (Murphy's Law....what ever can go wrong, will.....so if we leave it home, it will rain)

Why do we call pants a pair?

[Maryd.]

Just in case we forget we have two legs.

Why is the world round?

[BienvenuJDC]

So that we can have a movie called, "Journey to the Center of the Earth"

Why did people think that it was flat?