Ask A Stupid Question, Get A Stupid Answer

[littlewing53]

it's that left brain, right brain thingee everyone talks abt...

Why are there stop signs at corners?

[Layka]

So people wont crash into each other...

Why are there not stop signs in driveways?

[kandaurov]

There were, but the cars pass by them so fast that they were blown away.

Which is the way the cookie crumbles?

[Domer121]

Into your mouth, if you are lucky:):):)


How can a plane fly?

[littlewing53]

by getting a running start and flapping it's wings

why are stop signs red?

[JaneB]

because they aren't blue

should i have a bagel for breakfast or a muffin?

[Domer121]

I think a bagel, because you can put cream cheese on it...yummy!

How does an I-Pod work??

[JaneB]

magically (and you were right about the cream cheese part:yawnb: )

why do i have to go to work?

[Domer121]

Because I have too....:)


Why does it have to snow in April???!!!???

[JaneB]

global warming

why doesn't it ever snow here in California?

[Pendragon]

It doesn't want to. It snows because it can! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Cold.gif

What's with all the Chuck Norris putdowns, considering he can probably kick our collective cans? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Trashed.gif

[Domer121]

Because a long time ago a dragon who was the name sake Californa fell in love with a princess named snow and after Californa tried very hard to get her to "kiss" him he finally took her dog hostage and after he gave it back she said she would only "kiss" him on very special occasions...


Why do I live in Minnesota?

[Domer121]

sorry...took me too long with my story....

Because he can kick our collective cans, it is our way to show we are not afraid...

Why does it take so much practice to play an instrument??

[JaneB]

because its to hard ( i like the story by the way:lol: )

why is it hard to play any instrument? except the triangle which i mastered when i was 4

[kandaurov]

It isn't. Not if you're Chuck Norris.

hehe, I could do this all day, but I'll stop here, otherwise I'd drive you people nuts :p

Because the instrument is like a wild animal: it must be tamed before it is of any use to us.

Why is the sky sometimes pink?

[JaneB]

because the red mixed with the white

how could anyone get annoyed by Chuck Norris?

sorry i had to do it one more time:lol:

[kandaurov]

Annoyed, no. Severely injured, probably. Killed, most likely.

Why do english catholic prayers to this day still have the word 'thy'?

[JaneB]

because on one bothered to revise them

why is this website so addictive?

[The Bookinator]

I dunno, why don't you ask Chuck Norris? He's the founder, after all... *ducks roundhouse kick*

Why do I have a splitting headache? (And on the day of testing too...)

[JaneB]

your splitting headache is do to the fact that you have testing today

whats the point of college?

[kandaurov]

Its primary aim is to fill your head with stuff you can't possibly put into practice in your future job. It serves to create the illusion that a human being can actually learn things (thought-provoking? :))

Why do people walk when they can run?

[JaneB]

because running makes you sweat and no one wants to sweat

why do people walk when they can skip?

[The Bookinator]

Because they're too busy talking on their cell phones to Hummer salesmen.

Why would someone in the suburbs of Kansas (flaaaaaaaaat) want to buy a Hummer for the "rough terrain" around here?

[kandaurov]

Fat squirrels? Sorry :X

Why doesn't Kevin Federline realize what an idiot he is?

[The Bookinator]

His "bling bling" is too shiny. And besides, you're talking about a guy who married Britney Spears. Wasn't too bright in the first place.

Who is worse (more annoying)? "Fed-Ex" (Federline) or Michael Jackson?

[kandaurov]

Guess that pedophiles are undisputed winners of every contest of how bad a guy is, so MJ.

Why do taxi drivers drive as if they had a deathwish?

[JaneB]

come on if you were a taxi driver wouldn't you have a deathwish. its the worst job in the world

why is the world round?

[kandaurov]

Because some guy centuries ago said so. Mankind in general would have disregarded him, hadn't he had a hella funny name (Galileu Galilei)

When did you last commit murder?

[The Bookinator]

What! How did you know?!

...I mean... I-do-not-know-what-you-are-talking-about... heh heh heh....
:p

So, who did you murder? (Or have a strong feeling of wanting to?)

[Shalot]

Who hasn't screwed me over?

Is this meant to be a humorous thread?

[The Bookinator]

Depends. How do you define humor?

[kiz_paws]

humor, isn't that the special side of the brain that enables men and women to get along?

Why do people put sea shells on their ears to listen to the ocean???

[symphony]

they want to protect their ear from direct contact to sea water.

why do socks stink?

[wrestle-135]

Don't you start stinking when your in a scary dark place all day.

why do you have hair on your toes?

[ichellema]

So people will think your a hobbit

why do stars shine?

[wrestle-135]

Because they love attention

Why do some people have hair in there ears?

[Rolandokun]

because it keeps them warm

why dont fish sleep

[LtotheJ]

because you cant sleep with water surrounding you
Why dont humans lay eggs?

[Pendragon]

You never heard the average stand-up comic? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Shock.gif

Why do people think a potty-mouth is so funny?

[HandyAndy]

Lol, well. I could say something bad about that...

Why did the chicken have to cross the road?

[Craig049]

To get it's government homework done.

Why is school so boring?

[HandyAndy]

Because all they have us do is work and listen to teachers.

Why do we have to do these presenations?

[kandaurov]

Because a toothpaste commercial tells us to do so!

Is it possible to dislike Johnny Cash?

[HandyAndy]

If its possible to dislike cats!

Why are cats the ones that always are retarded?

[littlewing53]

don't let their appearance fool you it's their reaction to the hare that bit em

Is there really someone who exists that doesn't like johnny cash?

[kandaurov]

Exactly my point, Little Wing! Those who can't say they do because they never heard of him (!) should be submitted to a Johnny Cash Seminar. Those who even so dislike him should be declared insane (because, you know, they are).

Has the sun ever forgotten to rise?

[Niamh]

only when it couldnt get itself out of bed.


has the atlantic ever talked to you?

[andave_ya]

yes, often. It tells me that the grass is greener on the other side.

Do you like Bobby Darin?

[kandaurov]

Guess I'll have to take a Bobby Darin Seminar ;)

Have you ever wondered why people greet one another?

[HandyAndy]

Because they are interested in greeting!!!! :lol:

Why do people even greet, why not walk up and talk?

[Reccura]

Because they'd be stupid enough to do that!

Why is it that men aren't the first ones to approach a woman?

[Pendragon]

We do, but but not exactly in a straight line, which is the shortest distance between two points... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/HolyMoly.gif

Why are women so aloof? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/GirlRemote.gif

[HandyAndy]

Because their coordination is a bit off!

Why do we have to have people who label others? :alien:

[kathycf]

So labelmakers don't go out of business, and bring down the whole economy with them.

Why can't I have my own personal minions?

[kandaurov]

Cuz you ain't got nuff street cred yet, Big K :p

Why are roses red, and violets are blue, instead of roses being rose and violets being violet?

[htownsend]

all crayon makers were too lazy to make new crayons.


why does gas always fall the day after i buy it for 20 cents more?

[kathycf]

The person who sets gas prices has a grudge against you.

Why do we call certain insects butterflies when they are not flies, nor made of butter?


Cuz you ain't got nuff street cred yet, Big K :p


:lol: :lol: :lol:

[The Bookinator]

I guess someone accidentaly ate one (or perhaps out of curiosity) and decided that they tasted like butter. And since it flies, they named it the "butterfly."

(I've babysitted for a couple years now, and I always get the 4/5 year olds who always ask "Why?" This is one of my favorite answers. Which then prompted one of them to try to eat bugs. Yuck.)

^_^
Why are two year olds so determined to eat bugs and other poisonous stuff that they find on the floor, but won't eat safe, edible food, no matter what?

[Bakiryu]

they've tasted tht food before, this stuff is new!

What do catterpillars taste like?

[Pendragon]

Great, according to Hobbs... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Tiger.gif

What do dogs find so tastey about toliet water? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Pupdog.gif

[The Bookinator]

Hobbs told him to, duh. (Tigers can be very persuasive.) ^_^ Consider it "fine doggie wine."

...Why are tigers so persuasive?

[Bakiryu]

THE STRIPES HYPNOTIZE YOU.

If you throw a banana like a booomerang, will it come back?

[The Bookinator]

Only if you've taught your monkey to play fetch.

... I can't think of a question. Here...

Will someone be creative for me and think up a question? Pretty please with mangos on top?

[htownsend]

okay bookinator-

why do people ask pretty please with sugar on top? where is there ever a "please" with sugar on it?

[kathycf]

where is there ever a "please" with sugar on it?

554 Pleasewithsugaronit Street
Sometown,
Massachusetts 99999
USA

(sorry, just answering one part);)


Who really was the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater?

[Adolescent09]

It was a Kyclops (as the book spells it, but generally spelled Cyclops) from The Oddyssey who just ate Barney from ABC channel 2 whole and had his fruity dinosaur horn bulging out of the nape of his neck.

What would you think if Johnny Depp instead of Stanley Kubrick directed A Clockwork Orange?

[Anon22]

It was a Kyclops (as the book spells it, but generally spelled Cyclops) from The Oddyssey who just ate Barney from ABC channel 2 whole and had his fruity dinosaur horn bulging out of the nape of his neck.

What would you think if Johnny Depp instead of Stanley Kubrick directed A Clockwork Orange?

dur...


how old are you?

[Adolescent09]

3.

how old is your mother?

[Pendragon]

Older than myself, and I'll be forty-sev... um, 39 this year! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Sauve.gif

Why are most evil things associated with the color "black", are people racist or something? We gorillas are FED UP! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Kong.gif

[Adolescent09]

I've always believed that theology has promoted this sense of thought. Celestial things and good have always been attributed with white which most likely reflects the clouds and brightness of the sun whereas Evil and Satan has always been attributed with black, which we usually consider underneath the ground, closer to the core of earth which is a progressively accumulating ball of fire.. So there you have it, white is considered good, black is bad. Most things black are ostracized in societal terms. Look at poor gothic people :(.. oh and black people lol.. but that was years ago.. Racism exists on either side of the ballpark so black can't play the racist card anymore, they'll have to face that fact.

If turtles grew wings would they slouch about and say "ding ding ding" or would they fly and say, "damnit why couldn't I do this **** before!?"

[Bakiryu]

they would have to gain the ability to speak first. (Unless they were TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!)

Why are most vampires from europe? (in books)

[Shalot]

Vampires are old and so is Europe. That's why.


Why is camoflauge so ugly?

[kathycf]

To discourage people from wearing camoflauge pants. Sadly, it sometimes doesn't discourage them enough....

Why do people yawn when they are tired?

[Pendragon]

Maybe they are just B-O-R-E-D. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/36_1_501.gif Single to silence and exit, stage left!

Why do people needlessly hate snakes? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Cobra.gif

[kiz_paws]

Because when the world began, humans had to pay homage to snakes and this fear of snake control has never left our psyches!! :D

Why don't women wear Easter bonnets anymore?

[Adolescent09]

Because they were proliferating and epidemic of bunny "fruity-ness"

Where does that Dragon in the Pen get all his smilies? They look so funny :D

[downing]

Perhaps he has a big silver box where he takes the smiles from, but of course, after telling some short stories to the Namibian children before they go to sleep.


Why do I always smile when I see my face in the mirror?

[kathycf]

Maybe because you tell yourself jokes while looking in the mirror.

Why is lettuce green?

[kandaurov]

They wanted to be blue, but the sea had already used up all the remaining blue.

'WHAT?! Oh, I can't believe you! Tell me you didn't do it! Not again! Geez! When, when will you learn?'

[kathycf]

When, when will you learn?'

Tuesday, November 6th, 2011 at 7:45 PM.

Why do people compare apples and oranges?

[ennison]

The Bantu use a word similar to 'night' or 'darkness' which means 'evil' or underhand deeds. Most people fear the dark. That's why they want street lights
We can compare anything to anything.
Why are oranges orange and limes green butapples are rosey?

[kiz_paws]

So that Barney the Dinosaur would have something decent to sing about.

Why do fashion swings keep repeating?

[Pendragon]

Oh, I dunno. Kong still got same whitewall in cage! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Kong.gif

Ya like jokes? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/TreeFrog.gif

[kandaurov]

Sure! Too bad I keep forgetting the ones I'm told. I'm a walking joke myself :) (disregard the emo statement if you did not find it funny :p)

When all is lost, what do you cling to?

[HandyAndy]

Your ankles and kiss your anus goodbye!

When all is gained what do you do?

[littlewing53]

pitch it over the bridge

why doesn't cher act in the movies anymore?

[Bakiryu]

she does. Everyime they need someone to impersonate Michael Jackson!

Will the terminator be back?

[HandyAndy]

When Micheal Jackson stops getting charges.

Who else will come back with the Terminator?

[kandaurov]

He wants to. Some years ago, however, Chuck Norris stated that he abhors Arnold's acting, having immediately sentenced him to political life. Arnold and Hollywood are still waiting for written permission from Chuck.

Does the woman in Gone with the Wind really not give a damn?

[kandaurov]

Again, late. *sigh*

He'll come back with Sylvester and they'll gorge on some steroids while punching the lights out of their foes.

I mantain my question: does the woman in Gone with the Wind really not give a damn?

[Adolescent09]

Yes, Kandarouv, she is quite ambivalent, indifferent, apathetic, diffident, disinterested and nonchalant.

I mantain the next question: Did the person who liked being thanked, get thanked again after he was thanked the last hundred times and give thanks after recieving it only to give more thanks?

[littlewing53]

we just can't get thanked enough...thank you

why do we give and expect something in return?

[Adolescent09]

because we get 700 of it back (damn, that's nice)

why did Michael Jackson "whiten" himself?

[kiz_paws]

Well, he didn't do it on purpose, that is what happened when he ate his own bad cooking.

Why do people spin on the floor with their heads and call it dancing?

[kandaurov]

The maids started calling it dancing, so as to stimulate young people to do that and save them the trouble of scrubbing the floor.

How could Kurt ever like someone like Courtney? Had he a fetish for names similar to his?

[kathycf]

Love is blind, so they say.

How is it possible that both birds and Courtney are both said to sing?

[kandaurov]

:lol: good one. I guess that there's no real answer. Maybe there is a God with a wicked sense of humour.

Who is the greatest idiot of your country?

[BibliophileTRJ]

cannot answer the above question since discussion of politics (and any/all members of the current administration) is strictly forbidden on LitNet

Who is your country's greatest all time hero?

[kandaurov]

(Well, you could have mentioned Paris Hilton, that is the kind of answer I was expecting :D)

I'd say Aristides de Sousa Mendes. It's quite natural that you don't know him, I didn't know him myself two months ago.

How on earth were the egypcian pyramids built?

[Adolescent09]

Isn't than an irony...? You can't answer "Who is the greatest idiot of your country?", but you ask "Who is your country's greatest all time hero?"..? Both questions could be answered politically.. but then again they both don't need political answers so I will reply to both.

Who is the greatest idiot of your country?: This ghetto crack-dealer I know called Tupeda, who deals around the opposite block of my house.

Who is your country's greatest hero of all time? Uncle Sam in a purple hat.

What is your dog's name backwards?

[kathycf]

*edit* sheesh, these darn kids posting ahead of me! :p
Dog's name is Nollid. (backwards)


Pyramids: Well, we know Paris Hilton didn't build them. Must have been aliens! :alien:

Why is toast so darn good?

[Adolescent09]

because it isn't

why are fruits succulent?

[kandaurov]

Because they aren't :p

If you had to deliver an acceptance speech (the award is whatever you like), who would you mention in it?

[littlewing53]

my dog..i'm still thinking abt earlier posts...

what does rain fall?

[zanna]

if you mean *why,* then probably because it tripped on the banana peels up there in the sky.

Why are fortune cookies eerily true some times? :eek:

[Hyacinth42]

Because cookies know everything

Why do dogs bark?

[kiz_paws]

To notify the humans of the ghosts that are plainly visible to the canine species...

Why does the name Paris Hilton show up so much these days?

[Pendragon]

She had her rhinestones and teeth simonized! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/GirlinCar.gif

Does anyone really give a rat's derriere about Paris Hilton? And I apologize to the rats! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Sorry.gif

[Hyacinth42]

Yes, people shower her with rat derrieres all the time!

Why is sugar sweet?

[littlewing53]

*hysterical laughter* :lol: :lol: ...that was really, really funny..

because limes are sour

why did britney shave her head and let everybody watch?

[kandaurov]

She was married to a guy like Kevin Federline - she is now allowed to do whatever the hell she wants, since she has been found irrevocably insane.

Why are Monty Python so damn funny?

[littlewing53]

because most people don't like spam...:lol:

is it a crime to get even?

[THX-1138]

no coz steven will be even

why people love to gossip?

[Hyacinth42]

Because if they don't their brains will start working

Why can't people fly?

[The Bookinator]

As if bird poop wasn't enough.

Who picks the movies that are shown in an airplane?

[Adolescent09]

Frank Ford Decapola (sp?)

Why are black people always shoved into sports?

[littlewing53]

is that question answerable?

[Hyacinth42]

Here, I will be equally discriminatory, and will therefore not be discriminatory ;)

In hopes that they get injured
Because they ran out of Mexicans to injure
Because white people cant play sports

Why is there such a thing as politically incorrect?

[littlewing53]

i resemble that remark...:lol:

we need more controversy in the news

what makes time move forward?

[Hyacinth42]

the batteries in your clock

why is physics so complicated?

[kiz_paws]

To make the teachers look like gods of immeasureable wisdom?

Why isn't more money devoted to the arts?

[Hyacinth42]

because nobody likes them

why do people whine that not enough money is devoted to arts?

[Shalot]

The people who whine are all them "fight for a cause" types. They're always outraged about something, like the whales, and the global warming, and the rain forest, and the starving children in those desert countries overseas somewhere, and the conflicts in all them foreign countries with all them pygmies in New Guinea.

Why does the work week have to be 40 hours? Why not 30, seeing as how nobody is worth a damn on Friday anyway?

[Pendragon]

Well, they ain't worth much on Monday, either, still grumpy Tuesday, midweek crisis hits on Wendesday, Thursday they look forward to the weekend, and as you mentioned, aren't worth shucks on Friday. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Jolt.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/ItsFriday.gif


Question is-- why do they have a job?

[Bakiryu]

society loves lazy-bums <3!

[Cait07]

On a different note, Why do men have nipples?

[Cait07]

On a different note, If you choke a smurf what color will it turn?

[Adolescent09]

It will turn into Stewie on Family Guy.

If you listen to Mozart do you break the turn-table afterwards?

[Adolescent09]

On a different note, Why do men have nipples?

Because their steadily dominating opposite sex have comfortable pillows. At least the adolescent ones ;) :D

last question up there ^^^

[axter]

Do any of you actually say laugh out loud in speech?

[kandaurov]

No. If I want to express a laugh, I laugh :p

Why are you reading this sentence and not studying, or working, or whatever it is that you surely have to do? :p

[Rolandokun]

because we can hire people to do that

why do doors have knobs and not handles?

[The Bookinator]

It's life's way of checking up on hand-eye-coordination. Grab, twist, push/pull, step in, close. Trust me, it's harder than it looks- many victims tend to run into them when they forget a step.

--------------
l KEY l
l victim=me l
--------------

Why do some people have good coordiantion while others have none?

[kathycf]

To give the coordinated something to snicker at, and feel superior about.

So, why did the chicken REALLY cross the road?

[The Bookinator]

Because he wasn't chicken! Hahahahaa! *slaps knee* Get it?? :lol:

...
*ducks rotten veggies*

Why is the "why did the chicken cross the road" joke so popular?

[littlewing53]

that was really funny book....:lol: :lol:

because the door was knocking...:blush:....knock knock who's there?

[Hyacinth42]

Now, I checked, Who is definately not there.

Why do teachers make homework so boring?

[kiz_paws]

Well it is not the teachers who make the homework boring, it is the invisible gremlins, I tell ya!

Why aren't koala bears as nice in manners as they are to look at?

[Bookworm89]

To make the tests seem so exciting!

Why is rain wet?

[Pendragon]

It isn't, everything it actually "touches" is! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Jester.gif

Will the Batman ever get rid of the Joker?

[kathycf]

No, as they have a relationship built on an exchange of ideas and mutual respect. When they aren't trying to kill each other, that is.


How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?

[kandaurov]

You say 'Marco'. Elephants can never help but reply 'Polo'.

What where Galileu Galilei's parents thinking when they gave him his name?!

[Hyacinth42]

The same thing Richard Head's parent's were thinking... Either that or:
There is a giant conspiracy that only people with weird and hard to remember names can do anything important so as to make school difficult...

Why is Dick a nickname for Richard?

[kandaurov]

GREAT question! I've wondered that myself every now and then. There is no answer to your question, I'm sorry to disappoint you :p

...I'm really not inspired right now, so I guess I'll just ask something like 'who are you trying to kidding? (everyone knows that that's a wig)'

Oh, if anyone knows the answer to the Richard/Dick enigma, do share it with us :)

[kiz_paws]

Well, friend Kandaurov, who always makes me laugh at his great sense of humor, I know the answer. One day, when Little Richard's mom was writing him a note to excuse him from boring school, she wrote with a huge flourish in her handwriting. The teacher thought that the "R" for Rich was a "D" because of the size of the flourish, and well, that is how it all began. The teacher began to call Little Richard, Dick for short.

Why did Little Richard decide to become a famous singer?

[kathycf]

Cruel and callous disregard for his fellow man (and woman).

Does anybody else think the word "thesaurus" is reminescent of a dinosaur?

[Pendragon]

Surprised they don't have it's skeleton on display... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/devwmn.gif


Do you see resemblence between Dino's and Dragons? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/hjm_animdragon.gif

[zanna]

Possibly, Pen, but I think I recognize you from the AFA meeting last week (Apostrophe Flingers Anonymous). Sigh, I still haven't kicked the habit, either. And the rest of my grammar is just as atrocious.

Why is grammar so hard to learn, and why do we have so many tenses?

[kathycf]

Why is grammar so hard to learn, and why do we have so many tenses?
To make you tense! Har har, get it?! Tense, tenses heh, why I just crack myself up. :goof: :sick:

How can I possibly be so goofy?

[Pendragon]

Well, there were these things that went around back when we.. um, I was a teen that were called "Goof balls"... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Umbrella.gif

Does it seem sometimes that I am one of the oldest, not to memtion oddest, members here? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Vikings.gif

[AdoreroDio]

Well doesn't seem that we are all old as each year pasts? And odd is relative...relatively speaking we are all odd.

Why do I enjoy
Scribbling down Haikus
Instead of homework?

[kathycf]

You are a poet
Yes you know it.


Why does a traffic light turn red?

[kandaurov]

That's because it was brought up in a very conservative family, and it blushes every time an exhibitionist flashes. Needless to say, the cities nowadays have way too many perverts on the loose :p

If I tell you that you have a great body, will you hold it against me? (haha monty python rule)

[Jouzou]

Yes. Right after I have fetched a shovel, fed the dogs, brushed my teeth and cleaned the John.

Where the hell have I been for the last six moths?

[littlewing53]

did you look behind you..that's always a good start...

who is responsible for commercials degrading great rock and roll songs as little didees to sell products?

[kathycf]

who is responsible for commercials degrading great rock and roll songs as little didees to sell products?
Jouzou's is responsible, it is all his fault. I like to blame things on people who haven't been around in 6 mon...ooops. Hi Jouzou, I er, yes hi. :blush: ;)

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

[RobinHood3000]

If it's on the chicken's foot, doesn't have much of a choice, does it?

Why did the potato chip go swimming?

[kiz_paws]

Well, the eye of the potato quickly became the eye of the storm and the next thing we knew, water everywhere!!

Why is it that the best tasting chewing gums lose their flavor in less than one minute....?

[Shalot]

Well, the eye of the potato quickly became the eye of the storm and the next thing we knew, water everywhere!!

Why is it that the best tasting chewing gums lose their flavor in less than one minute....?


Why is it that the best tasting chewing gums lose their flavor in less than one minute....?

It's a plot. They want you to spend more money buying more of the gum you like so that you get that great taste, and what better way to do that then to shorten the length of the taste sensation experienced by the average gum chewer, while raising the price of the gum.

First, the researchers conducted a phone survey compiled by professors at the local university, using temporary empoyees, to call people out of the blue and out of the phone book at random and then asked them their favorite flavor.

Then they constructed a mathmatical model that calculates the number of people who would spend money to purchase a particular gum flavor.

Then they contacted the chemistry department and asked for someone who could manipulate chemical compounds, including those used in the production of chewing gum.

Then they appointed a member of the research team to represent their group. Then they called a meeting so that they might present their findings, using said appointed member to spearhead the proceedings.

Then they discussed the matter at hand over coffee and doughnuts and made fun of the secretary because she ordered doughnuts and not bagels. Then they ordered a catered lunch and lost the receipt, and then tried to turn it in as a business expense without the reciept.

Then they went through with their original plan, which had nothing to do with the problem of gums that lose their flavor. '

Next Question: Why is it so hard to go to sleep when you need it, and then why is it so hard to wake up when all you need to do is sleep?

[Pendragon]

Youse never hoird of da Sandman? Unreliable. Hard ta find good help dese days. Sheesh! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/DaGodfeather.jpg

What is so facinating about one's navel? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Yoga.gif

[kathycf]

The fact that if one looks closely enough, one may discover the mysteries of life itself. Or at least some belly button lint, take your pick.

Why do people use the word "where" when they should say "were" and vice versa?

[zanna]

because they don't pay enough attention to what they're typing. . . man, you just missed it! There was a . . . oh, never mind.

Why do people insist on using *bad* words as nouns, verbs, adjectives, and all sorts of parts of speech, when it couldn't possibly be that many?

[Pendragon]

Lack of imagination, laziness, mind in the gutter-- tack your pick http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Nun.gif

Why would an author write an entire book that used a certain vulgar word, (no, not THAT one!) on every single page of a 280 novel!!? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/PhoneGossip.gif

[kathycf]

The author in question was completely obsessed with the word ooophygigsnnisyr. That is such a bad word, I have to go wash my hands after typing it. :p

What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?

[Pendragon]

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gifhttp://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Fly.gif
:rolleyes:

Ever tried frog legs?

[Laindessiel]

Taste like my legs.

UV rays suck hard. Even if you apply sunblock with an SPF 1000, the heat would still find a way to creep inside your body. WHY???

[kilted exile]

Sun block doesnt prevent the heat, it prevents the nasty UV radiation from causing mutations in your skin, resulting in melanoma.

If Sun Block stops UV rays, and the Ozone depletion is causing UV to penetrate the earth's atmosphere more easily. Why dont we patch the ozone layer with Sun Block instead of wasting time flying to the moon?

[Pendragon]

Well, Stephen Hawking has been saying of late we'd better be lokking for a new place to live, and he's rather unusually intelligent, so... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Doom.gif


Do you ever wonder why you have never seen half the creatures that live in your neck of the woods? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Leopard.gif

[Hyacinth42]

No, I don't wonder.

Why do we use the phrase, "neck of your woods"?

[Pendragon]

Same reason we say "foot of the mountain" and "head of the class" http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Doofus.gif

Would a mountain's foot kick you into my neck of the woods?

[kathycf]

No a mountain's foot can only kick one into next week.

How do you eat with a fork in the road?

[Shalot]

If you don't mind eating with a dirty fork, then you better eat fast and look out for cars.


How did they come up with the expression "the straw that broke the camel's back." Are they talking about hay? And if so, what is the difference between straw and hay? And why would a camel be around hay/straw in the first place since they live in the desert and walk in the sand? And if they're talking about drinking straws, then why were they dropping straws on the camel to begin with, and how many straws would it take to break the camel's back?

(can you handle all those stupid questions?)

[Adolescent09]

I don't think I can but I will endeavor... Perhaps they meant straw as in the spherical tube used to suck water and drink? Hay sounds more like "Hey" which is a courteous salutation and it could mean "bay" like "the bay of pigs" or what the hell am I yapping on about?

What is Samuel Clemen's pseudonym spelt backwards?

[Pendragon]

Niawt Kram, init? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Cainsaw.gif

Exactly what is "ground zero"?

[Adolescent09]

Niawt Kram, init?

Yes, and it's also the name of one of the prominent characters in my book in progress. (shhhhhh:p )

When you see a big oval in the ground somewhere in proximity to the Brazilian Equator and fall through it until you are age 0 again and in your mummy's womb :D

What would Spiderman do if he confronted Sir Percy Blakeney, Madame Danglars and Les Esmeralda robbing a bank from different time zones and centuries on a black and white computer moniter?

[shadowy girl]

He would, simply, do something!

Why am I feeling hungry now?

[kathycf]

You're hungry because a freakishly hungry woman ran through your kitchen and stole all the food from you. Yea, I did mean to apologize for that, so sorry.

Why do I have to go grocery shopping?

[Domer121]

Because you want to eat:thumbs_up :p

Why are some people quiet when others are loud??

[shadowy girl]

Cuz they want to listen?!

Why is the sky so high?

[Pendragon]

It ain't. We are so low down. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/dodo.gif


Do people ever think that maybe, just maybe, other people do have a life? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Chill.gif

[kathycf]

Well, some people think that and the ones who tell you to get a life are usually the ones who don't have a life of their own!

When will it stop raining?

[Hyacinth42]

When the rain god leaves the area.

Why do teenagers love the musical Rent?

[Pendragon]

They do not have to pay rent as of yet!!! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Hummm.gif

Why does every driver on the road seem like a bloody idiot? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/RoadRage.gif

[Anatalya]

Because if they didn't then that would make you one of them!

How do we know north is up? We could be floating upside down, inside out or back to front in space!

[maya3]

north is up only because people have called it up. it is relative.

why isnt the world flat???:D

[kathycf]

Oh, didn't you get the memo, maya? As of last Wednesday at 8:03 PM the world became flat. As in pancake flat.

(don't look at me that way, this IS the stupid answers thread...) ;)

How can time fly if it doesn't have wings?

[Pendragon]

Jet-propulsion. http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/BlowaKiss.gif

Who's coming around the mountain when she comes?

[Weeping Willow]

depaneds do you like Blonds red head of brounets? ;)

What ya talkin about willis?

[Shalot]

I think Willis was talking about Diet Coke Plus

Am I being annoying? :nod:

[shadowy girl]

Sort of, yes! And very much, Indeed!
Why is harry Potter more charming than Ricky martin, in the mind of a teenager?

[Pendragon]

Who knows what evil lurks in the minds of teenagers? Even The Shadow doesn't know! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Heroes/TheShadow.jpg

Does living in a past age seem weird to you?

[Hyacinth42]

No, all ages are weird, even the current one.

Why do sequels take so long to come out?

[Pendragon]

The author/producer wishes to discover if he /she actually managed to foist the first disaster off on the general public before attempting a second train wreck... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Crash.gif

Why are sequels often better than the original?

[Shalot]

the sequals are better because of the superiour script and their originality. and usually, when they can't get the same actors to return to their role, they hire, better more well-known actors to take the part.

why are open wounds so uncomfortable?

[shadowy girl]

hmmmmm
Cuz you don't feel comfortable bu then?

Why do I wake up at 3:00 AM every day?

[Pendragon]

You wouldn't if not for this guy...

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/hamburglar.gif

Why am I so bloody blue all the time?

[motherhubbard]

because you need to stop holding your breath

why can't I find the match to my socks?

[Shalot]

because the sock troll took it

Why isn't this house clean???

[zanna]

because you've been lit-netting!

What's a stupid question to ask? :lol:

[Pendragon]

Just open your mouth, dearie, one will hop out! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Stooges.gif

If a train leaving Chicago at 45 mph for New York and a train leaving Atlanta at 45 mph for New York how long will it take for each to arrive and which will get there first and when will you realize I never stated which one left when or even if they left on the same day, and God knows they are almost never on time anyway? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Duh.gif

[Shalot]

Just open your mouth, dearie, one will hop out! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Stooges.gif

If a train leaving Chicago at 45 mph for New York and a train leaving Atlanta at 45 mph for New York how long will it take for each to arrive and which will get there first and when will you realize I never stated which one left when or even if they left on the same day, and God knows they are almost never on time anyway? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Duh.gif


It's perpendicular to 4.

Which is better --- dial up or cable?

[zanna]

*interrupts thread* lol, Pen, that's all to true! Great answer. :) All sorts of silly things come out when I open my mouth sometimes . . .

[Adolescent09]

dial up because you can curn the dial up and whatever that does who knows and who cares and who wants to know?

Why do cats insanely love dogs?

[Aunty-lion]

Because dogs wear pretty ribbons in their hair.

What is the best foot? Left or Right?

[Reccura]

Well, Beyonce likes her left... "To the left, to the left", haha

Do you think you could eat your elbow? (macaroni)

[Rosencrantz]

No, it contains a lethal venom that could kill ten men.

Can killing ever be acceptable?

[Pendragon]

To the victim or to the perp? Details, details...http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Pendragon-1.gif

Is romance truly a thing of the past with all this "friends with benefits" stuff?

[zanna]

well . . . if you count the number of dates I've had, then yes, because this hopeless romantic has been quite dateless. I won't settle for friends with benefits. Of course I want friendship with whoever I might end up dating, but if I'm dating him, then it would be more serious than just "chilling with my guyfriend."

When will the nerds and nice girls and guys finish FIRST?!? Eh? I hope I don't have to wait forever for that day to arrive!

[Pendragon]

When the "meek inherit what's left of the Earth" http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Nerd.gif

When will the stuff that's supposed to be good for you actually taste as good as the stuff that isn't?

[Aunty-lion]

It already does! If only I could have you over for a delicious vegan meal my friend...

If it takes an elephant a week to run a fortnight, how many apples in a bunch of grapes?

[ennison]

In a juicer, about a pint.

Is the conjunction of Mars, Venus and Earth an 'and' or a 'because'?

[kathycf]

Neither. It is the co-ordinating conjunction "for".

Do men on Mars read the book Men are from Mars, women are from Venus ?

[Aunty-lion]

They keep trying to, but their tendency to read V's as P's and U's as I's somewhat alters their interpretation to ours... (oh, that was baaaad.)

What's love got to do with it? What's love, but a second-hand emotion?

[PolarTucan]

love has everyhing to do with "it". Normally at least.

Why didn't my alarm clock go off this morning??!?!

[Pendragon]

Forgot to set it, unplugged it while sleepwalking, smashed it... http://www.cosgan.de/images/midi/muede/f020.gif

What's making my neurons misbehave?

[PolarTucan]

Microwaves and aliens.

Where did my pencil go?

[kiz_paws]

To the great void known as the Bermuda Triangle. Which is where all lost sock partners wind up, much to the chagrin of the Laundress.

Why can't dogs eat grass? (they want to, but why CAN'T they?)

[Guzmán]

They'd rather smoke it.

What happens if you eat a watermelon and drink some wine?

[kiz_paws]

You will receive the gift of levitation, as is common in combinations such as you have described. :lol:

But what if one choses cold chocolate over room-temperature chocolate. Then what?

[Reccura]

Hack up some answer then, because I'm too stupid to answer that... :D

Why is it that parrots like the female species (me, us humans) better than the male ones? Wait, is that a stupid question?

[Pendragon]

Parrots are incurrable flirts! They even think "cracker" means "girl"! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Parrot.gif

Why was I born with an ability to take up with almost any animal? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Pinky.gif

[kiz_paws]

Because your inner self has never forgotten the ancient art of mind transfer that animals have and humans lack. Just ask my dog!

Why can some people learn more than one language easily and others struggle for dear life? :sick:

[samercury]

Because the others know that one language so well that's it's mindblowingly amazing ^-^

Why do those light poles keep on moving in the way?

[Pendragon]

Well, they are "light" you see, and the wind blows... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/BlownAway.gif

What is so "common" about "Boston Common"?

[Domer121]

The name common...:):)

Why does the Sun come up in the morning and the Moon come out at night??

[samercury]

Well you see, once upon a time, the moon got into a fight with the sun and they've been avoiding each other ever since

Why do songs keep on getting stuck in my head?

[Virgil]

Because they get caught on the glue that hold the neurons together.

Why do dogs pant when it's warm out?

[Aunty-lion]

They want to warm up their cold, cold tongues.

Who'll stop the rain?

[Captain Pike]

(rather than get political, since we're not supposed to...)

A leader of a powerful country will continue to ruin the ozone layer, increasing the greenhouse gases thereby drying out the atmosphere ,stopping the precipitation.

Where have all the Cowboys gone?

[kathycf]

To your house, expecting dinner.

Why do I look stupid in a cowboy hat?

[kiz_paws]

Because it would look better on your head rather than on your feet :lol:

Why do cowboys presumably eat bacon and beans?

[kandaurov]

Because eating bacon and beans does increase chesthair, and thus enhance their manhood :)

How many cowboys does it take to sharpen a pencil?

[Pendragon]

Only one, if he's packing a knife-- don't ask, they're touchy http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Cowgirl.gif

Why do you see ads like: "Illiterate? Write today for free help."? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Duh.gif

[kathycf]

Those sorts of ads are written by monkeys that were taught to write. One cannot expect a writing monkey to understand the full impact of what illiteracy means to humans.

Who wrote the book of love?

[kandaurov]

James K. Gruppelmeister. A great man, he was. Too bad he died of syphilis. God works in ironic ways, heh.

How does the lava lamp stuff taste like? Seriously, I've been this close to taste it

[Nightshade]

like death.

Why is red red why couldnt it be more yellow?

[Domer121]

because red is red and not yellow..:)


Why are skyscrapers so tall???

[kathycf]

Because Superman needs to jump them in a single bound. I call that showing off....



What's up with Grapenuts cereal? It's neither grape nor nut, so why do they call it Grapenut?


(Oh, no! I totally ripped that off from Jerry Seinfeld! )

[Pendragon]

Makes you desire grapes untile you go nuts! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/SpiderMonk.gif

Why do people who call you always ask if you are there? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/dodo.gif

[Hyacinth42]

Because sometimes you don't say anything and it worries them.

Why do they seem to only play reruns?

[Pendragon]

They don't seem to! THEY PLAY THE DANG RE-RUNS! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Tantrum.gif

Why does my DSL sometimes run slow... http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Tacky.gif

[kathycf]

DSL runs slow sometimes because it has to do with Doh!!! Slow Lines.

Why do people say your ears ring when somebody is talking about you?

[Pendragon]

Because their phones ring, since they are the ones doing the talking! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/PhoneGossip.gif

Why do rooms get suddenly silent just before you make a faux pas? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Embarassed.gif

[Hyacinth42]

So it's much more noticeable (Wow, I could have sworn I spelled noticeable wrong, that ea dosen't look right)

Why does english have so many stupid gramatical/spelling rules?

[samercury]

To confuse you, of course

Why is red red?

[the silent x]

because my daddy told me that red is the light you go on, and green is the light you stop on

http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u252/the-silent-x/screweduptrafficlightcopy.jpg


why do i produce gas, when my car sucks it all up?

[samercury]

o__o it all makes sense
- Because of the GGC

Why are stickers called stickers?

[kiz_paws]

Because it is shorter and tidier than saying sticky paper thingies

Why is some tape called SCOTCH TAPE?

[Aunty-lion]

It comes from an ancient Celtic tradition, where all a person's possessions would be fastened to their body by means of a sticky ribbon. They would then be thrown into the loch, and would have to swim back to land. Any items which sunk to the bottom of the loch would be deemed to be evil, and the person was considered to be well rid of them.

What's the time Mr Wolf?

[Pendragon]

If I had a watch, you tink I would have got caught at Red Riding Hood's house? Gwan! http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Wolfman.gif

Don't you find it suspicious that only one pig had enough money to afford a brick house? http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Piggy.gif