The Song of Right and Wrong

  Feast on wine or fast on water,
  And your honour shall stand sure,
  God Almighty's son and daughter
  He the valiant, she the pure;
  If an angel out of heaven
  Brings you other things to drink,
  Thank him for his kind attentions,
  Go and pour them down the sink.

  Tea is like the East he grows in,
  A great yellow Mandarin
  With urbanity of manner
  And unconsciousness of sin;
  All the women, like a harem,
  At his pig-tail troop along;
  And, like all the East he grows in,
  He is Poison when he's strong.

  Tea, although an Oriental,
  Is a gentleman at least;
  Cocoa is a cad and coward,
  Cocoa is a vulgar beast,
  Cocoa is a dull, disloyal,
  Lying, crawling cad and clown,
  And may very well be grateful
  To the fool that takes him down.

  As for all the windy waters,
  They were rained like tempests down
  When good drink had been dishonoured
  By the tipplers of the town;
  When red wine had brought red ruin
  And the death-dance of our times,
  Heaven sent us Soda Water
  As a torment for our crimes.