Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

Ah this is kind of long. Don't say I didn't warn you.
It'll be Mother's day in two weeks. I've had a few plans for Mother's day that haven't exactly worked out so far.

Sometime last year (unfortunately after the day itself) I had the idea of making a kind if photo album card with pictures of us together from the earliest possible point onwards.
Eh that's not easy. Once I passed a certain age I refused to be in pictures and by that time it's not like we had occasion to take any anyway.
And before that time Mum wasn't very photogenic either.
Also I've no idea where these family pictures are anyway. They're all scattered about the house in drawers and boxes that can no longer be opened because they're rather buried in stuff. I've been asking her about finding these pictures since that time but she's not exactly enthusiastic. Then again it might help if I didn't lie about their purpose. I'm claiming that I'm planning to make a montage of myself from the earliest possible point onwards.

However, some time ago she did dig up some pictures that I'd never seen before. I tried to put one on my blog but my scanner doesn't work since we changed PC's. I need to find the installer disk and it's not where I thought it was. Anyway. They're pictures of when I was born. There's one of me fresh out of the womb with a little umbilical cord still attached. It's kind of disgusting but cute at the same time. Me when they brought me home. One of my grandparents holding me (they're dead now , for quite some time in fact, so it struck a chord when I saw it) and the dog looking up at them all confused (he's dead too). There's also a later one of my first steps (I've heard the story of it but I've never seen the evidence before).

On a side note, my granddad used to have a picture of me as a baby proudly displayed on his wall. It always made me happy. I'm pretty sure he had his other grandchildren too but I only focused on my picture, it made me feel special. I kind of was. Technically I was his last grandchild (he had two great grandchildren after me). I was the only child of his last born child. We lived a short walk away from him and he came over for Sunday dinner. I was special because I didn't have to fight any other children for his attention. There's only one thing I regret. I wish I'd been more understanding of old people at the time and more helpful and patient but I was too young for that to sink in. I regret it now though. A lot. You know how I tend to feel that the men in my life are a letdown? Granddad wasn't. He's the only one I have fond memories of willingly.

Anyway. Besides the point. Just wanted to get that out. I've been thinking that for about half a year now.

So. This Mother's Day card doesn't look like it'll go ahead, not that it matters that much anyway. The other day I had a great idea. What if I got her some flowers? I know her favourites. Ah but they're kind of like mine, not exactly flowers florists tend to do (incidentally my favourite flowers are bluebells) she likes daffodils and as soon as they come into season she buys them but she has another favourite flower. Sweet peas.

She wanted to have sweet peas in her wedding bouquet but they weren't in season at the time. And when she was pregnant with me she used to call me sweet pea, a nice genderless though slightly feminine nickname.

I looked up local florists but with no luck. I could go in and ask about sweet peas but if they're not in season they're not in season. They won't be in season for mother's day. Sigh what to do?

Then I had the idea of buying some seeds from a garden centre and presenting them to her as a considerably belated mother's day gift.

Today we went shopping. I was browsing the vegetable aisle for no reason in particular when I notice something that's been there for ages but I rarely look at. A small selection of seeds and bulbs. The idea being, grow your own. I had a look see. A few Vegetables. A few Herbs. A few Flowers. Do they have Sweet peas? Aha! Yes they do. The sowing time for seeds is around now and they should bloom May-August.

Unnecessarily long story short. I've planted some. I'm going to see how they grow thus starting Bluebiird's Special Project P. I've told her they're the little Narcissus daffodils to avoid suspicion when they start to shoot. She'll suspect something's up since it's not the time to plant daffodils but she'll love the surprise. She's going to love me ten...a hundred...a thousand times more for this surprise I'm sure.

I also want to bake a mother's day cake. I might just buy sponge nearer the time though. I got some icing to try out, give it a professional look and assorted decorative flowers. This I'm claiming will be a celebratory Easter cake for us, just for fun. She doesn't seem to suspect any of my intentions so far.


I don't really advise reading beyond this point. Unless you really really want to.


Now you may ask. Why does Blue make these plans and try to do so much at these times?
That is because Blue has nothing better to do with her time and needs to get a job. But Blue doesn't like jobs. She found her last on to be rather soul crushing and the people were a bit mean to her. Not overly mean, kind of make fun of in a jokey way that Blue took to seriously. She didn't like it.
Why didn't she like it? Because Blue is annoyingly soft. Blue was bullied a lot for a long time and Blue doesn't trust other people as a result. So insults or slights at her character, appearance or unexpected and strange attempts at social interaction make Blue very sad and make her wish that a gun wielding mad man would burst into the office and shoot them. (This is actually an improvement since before she used to wish she could burn down her school or bring in a weapon of some sort to kill people. In fact Blue was so unhappy with one bully that she drew a picture of said bully in the back of her Spanish book and now and then during lesson time doodled new and imaginative ways to kill the bully, creating multiple assassins as time went on. Said assassins wielded such things as a sword, a knife, a crossbow, a long bow, a gun, a vial of sulphuric acid and a spitting cobra, to name a few. Now she wished that someone else would do it. Minor improvement.) needless to say Blue is quite twisted yet still surprisingly normal. Ah I lowered the mood too much. Sorry.

In other news I'm thinking of baking a lemon meringue pie for the first time (I used to love those when I was little).
I finished watching Katekyō Hitman Reborn! I found myself strangely sad at the end for no reason. Although Byakuran gets killed. Yay. Yuni and Gamma die. No. The Arcobaleno come back to life. Yay. And all of Byakuran's evil deeds are erased. Yay. But then he's alive again. No fair.
Every time I come to the end of a very engaging anime I always feel sad, whether it's a happy ending or not. I build up a lot of excitement watching them build up to the climactic end. I tend to find that the final battle isn't quite what I expected which is a bit of a letdown and then when it's all over I just get sad. I think I know why. It's like there are some people I knew who don't know me. When they're sad I'm sad. When they're happy I'm happy. But once the show ends then I'm never going to see these people again. And I think that's what makes me sad. I know they're fictional characters (Don't think I'm as crazy as some people I used to know). I've always known the difference between fiction and reality, even since I was a child. But it's still kind of sad.

I think I'm more susceptible to this kind of feeling because I don't interact with real people and the potential for me getting depressed is always around the corner, and always will be until I sort out my diet and exercise and social awkwardness (that's what causes it you know).
To lift my sad mood (which, let's face it shouldn't exist because of such a stupid thing. I finished a cartoon and now I'm sad. Ridiculous.) I've started an experiment.

You remember I mentioned that winter blues sunshine depression thing a little while back. I think there's at least some weight to the argument. So as an experiment I have the curtains open in the morning before I get up (which I'm ashamed to say is considerably later than the rest of the human race) so I have plenty of time to soak up a little sun.
I've found my mood lifted these past few days but I can't attribute it solely to the sun. I bounce out of these kinds of gloomy feelings pretty quickly, once I find something else to occupy my mind.

Ah. One more thing. I promise one more thing and that's it.
I made a doll out of my home made cold porcelain. It's not a very good doll but from a distance she looks pretty good. I figured I'd try it at least once just for fun.

That's it. I swear I'll write no more today other than
Bluebiird out.