Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

[Pike Bishop]

That aggravating mental dynamic constantly keeping one from having one's greatest amount of fun.

Pragmatism:

[Calidore]

Pragmatism: An inability to enjoy Prague

Lazy eye

[YesNo]

Lazy Eye: One unlikely explanation why a man’s eye can’t stay focused on a female’s face.

Focus:

[Pendragon]

Focus: To narrow the field of vision so that one object has increased visibility (See Lazy Eye)

Eye Candy:

[Pike Bishop]

Someone you can completely objectify for their physical beauty, being fully aware of their internal lackings, while still deluding yourself you're not shallow.

identity politics:

[YesNo]

Identity Politics: The politics of whining.

Whining:

[North Star]

Whining: the art of politics

Identity:

[Pike Bishop]

A fluid but assertive part of one's self, shaped by internal desires and cultural input, that defines who oneself is for oneself and for others.

Hipster:

[YesNo]

Hipster: Just far enough away from mainstream to look stupid.

Mainstream:

[Pike Bishop]

The popular but legitimate part of culture that pretentious hipsters and intellectual posers condemn to give themselves a false sense of cultural superiority.

Metrosexual:

[North Star]

Metrosexual: a creature that breeds in the subway.

Election:

[Pompey Bum]

Hipster: Just far enough away from mainstream to look stupid.

You kill me, YesNo.

Election: A method for choosing dictators in the West.

Patrician

[Pendragon]

Patrician: A person of noble birth, much better in their own eyes than the common man. At one time, patricians that couldn't even read or write and had the manners of a drunken sailor were still considered high quality. Still are, but they are not very popular to the rest of the 1% and looked down upon even by the homeless.

Educated:

[YesNo]

Educated: People with student loan debt to pay off.

Close Reading

[Pike Bishop]

The examination of a poem through close analysis of metre, rhyme (or lack thereof). and the semantic relations of its imagery...or, in the real world, the steady examining of my wife's glare as she asks me what I did on my boys-weekend-out at Vegas.

Sublime

[YesNo]

Sublime: A description of a guy’s experience on a boys’-weekend-without-their-wives in Vegas that could even more accurately describe their wives’ experience while they were gone.

Vegas

[Pike Bishop]

The new playground of middle-class to upper middle-class America where Anglo-American puritanism is wantonly exchanged for pre-Counter-Reformation prurience and hedonism.

Masterpiece:

[YesNo]

Masterpiece: A sign that something should be avoided like when a movie wins an award at an artsy film festival.

Artsy

[Pike Bishop]

An "art work" where the artist spent three times as much time trying to appear artistic as he or she tried to actually make a work of art.

Religious

[Pendragon]

Religious: Having a zeal to worship God, Gods, Nature, Old Religion, Idols, or anything else. Being religious is not the same as being a dedicated Christian, Muslim, Hindi, Buddhist, Zen or any other recognized religion. The person just wants to fit in somewhere.

Hypocrite:

[Pike Bishop]

Someone who makes aesthetic/philosophical claims then makes aesthetic statements contradicting those claims.

Aesthete:

[YesNo]

Aesthete: A medical condition characterized by a swollen head.

Condition:

[Pike Bishop]

You have a very low esteem for art appreciators.

The hidden requirement parents reveal to their children right after telling them they're going to buy them something they want.

Paradox:

[YesNo]

Paradox: Refusal to admit that one’s pet theory needs to be modified.

Pet:

[Pendragon]

Pet: Any human owned by a dog, cat, rabbit, or whatever. You mean you thought they were your pets? You moron!

Peeved:

[YesNo]

Peeved: What your pet becomes when the food bowl is not filled on time.

Time

[Pompey Bum]

Time: God's arrow. Unfortunately we're the bullseye.

Sea sponge

[Calidore]

...use sponge.

Steven Wright joke: "Sponges grow in the ocean. That kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."

Anemone

[Pike Bishop]

Time

The most oblivious infinite dimension and most precious finite gift of the universe.

Dimension:

[mona amon]

Anemone: Since it doesn't have 'sea' before it, a flower - which rhymes with pee rather than bone or groan - in case you are planning to use it in poetry.

Dimension: something which the human mind can only comprehend three of, unless you have the mind of Theodor Kaluza.

Rule of thumb:

[Pompey Bum]

Rule of thumb: government by those adept at rude hand gestures to the masses

Ectoplasm

[YesNo]

Ectoplasm: The white sheet some ghosts need to convince you they’re ghosts.

Causal Connection:

[Pike Bishop]

The mysterious explanation people seek for the aesthetic preferences of others without ever seeking such a mysterious explanation for their own.

Transgressive:

[YesNo]

Transgressive: A work of art intended to shock the mainstream if only the mainstream showed up to see it.

Shock

[Pendragon]

Shock: My indignation to your reaction to my proposal, when I obviously have the right idea and you do not

Pushy:

[Pike Bishop]

Pushy: How too many straight, white men view women, gays, and ethnic minorities who insist on the same constitutional rights they themselves enjoy.

Edgy:

[YesNo]

Edgy: Taking a risk by swimming at the deep end of the toddlers’ Play Pool.

Cryptid:

[Pendragon]

Cryptid: Any of a number of unusual creatures that may or may not exist such as an honest Politician

Honor:

[Pompey Bum]

Honor: a crypto-zoological membrane alleged to have been sighted on remote wedding nights.

Tenure

[Pike Bishop]

Honor:

A concept to which few people actually adhere, as most prefer to value "success" or achieve victory over such adherence.

Conservative:

[YesNo]

Tenure: A point in a brilliant career when one no longer has to be productive.

Conservative: Someone who thinks he’s not a liberal.

Emo

[Pompey Bum]

Emo: one too sensitive to care about anyone but himself

Miser

[Pike Bishop]

Emo: Jon Snow.

Centrist:

[YesNo]

Miser: Someone wiser about money than I am.

Centrist: Someone who thinks he’s neither a liberal nor a conservative.

Multiverse

[Pike Bishop]

Multiverse: More universes than one

Pandemic:

[Calidore]

When new-agey panpipe tunes become top-40.

New Age

[Pendragon]

New Age: The same old crap refurbished and polished, because there is nothing really new under the sun

Gambler:

[Pike Bishop]

Gambler: Someone who dares to go against the dominant ethical principles of his most intimate circle

Heretic:

[YesNo]

Heretic: A contrarian to the current trend.

Trend:

[Lokasenna]

Trend: a mixture of economics and fashion for the hard-of-thinking.

Knight:

[Pompey Bum]

Knight: what a woman patiently awaits before an alimony check

Oaf

[Pike Bishop]

Trend:

trend: a popular tendency or preference that, for some reason, draws scorn from the pretentious

Paragon:

[Lokasenna]

Oaf: An inconsiderate bungler who ignores the rules in a feeble attempt to make some sort of point, known only to him/herself.

Irony:

[Pompey Bum]

Irony: what Clopin needs to do to that shirty.

Mr. Potato Head

[YesNo]

Mr. Potato Head: A children’s toy that originally required a real potato to make it work.

Work:

[Pike Bishop]

Work: The opposite of play

Metaphysical

[Pompey Bum]

Mr. Potato Head: A children’s toy that originally required a real potato to make it work.

Work:

Work: For the 18th and 19th century Irish, a process of obtaining potatoes, which were in turn required to make them work.

Translucent

[Pendragon]

Metaphysical: Totally off the charts, so that it may not even exist

Translucent: Partially see-through, a trend in women's shirts

Goner:

[Pompey Bum]

Goner: one still slightly better than gonest.

Abstain

[North Star]

Abstain: a stain you get on your t-shirt sleeve when working out.

exhume:

[Calidore]

Exhume: 18th-century philosopher David, being now dead.

Cremate

[North Star]

Cremate: the post-global warming word for 'climate'

inclination:

[Pike Bishop]

inclination: that part of us that proves we don't have free will or full say in our thoughts or decisions

Apollonian:

[Pendragon]

Apollonian: having the properties of or preferring classic beauty, such as the 1957 Chevy I drool over

Spartan:

[YesNo]

Spartan: The Greek economy.

Economy

[North Star]

Economy: From the Greek word οικονομία, the spending of others' money.

money:

[Pendragon]

money: The filthy lucre we work ourselves to death to earn, scrimp and save every nickel, and if we are fortunate there will be enough to bury us when we drop dead of exhaustion.

Retirement:

[mona amon]

Retirement: Being put to pasture so that someone younger can have your job.

revenge

[Pompey Bum]

Revenge: attempting to feel better about one's personal pain by hurting others

blancmange

[YesNo]

Revenge: attempting to feel better about one's personal pain by hurting others


That sums it up for me as well.


blancmange: A shapely dessert good enough to eat.

Shapely

[Pike Bishop]

Shapely: Scarlett Johannsen

Vicissitude

[Pendragon]

Vicissitude: Regular change or succession of one state or thing to another, such as a sober man to a drunkard

Drunk in Public:

[Pike Bishop]

Drunk in Public: Too many of my pledge nights my Freshman year

Intoxication

[bounty]

intoxication: the feeling one might get when insufferable forum users get banned.

pedant

[YesNo]

Pedant: A person disposed to provide meticulous detail to what is irrelevant.

Detail

[Pompey Bum]

Detail: the devil's Trojan horse

Seance

[Pike Bishop]

Pedant: A person disposed to provide meticulous detail to what is irrelevant.

Detail

One of the primary elements separating the modes of those in the sciences and those in the Humanities.

Sardonic

[Pendragon]

Seance: An attempt to speak with the dead, often preformed with great pomp and circumstance by professional conmen and conwomen

Sardonic: Bitingly sarcastic, along the lines of Mark Twain's writings

Critic:

[Pike Bishop]

Critic (good one)--A person whose confidence in their perception of an "object," their particular care for and/or concern with that object, and their ability to articulate that care and/or concern for it leads them to evaluate it in spoken words, written words, or visceral reaction.

Visceral:

[mona amon]

Visceral: relating to the internal organs, which for some reason, are believed to be the seat of deep instinctive feelings.

Stationary bike

[YesNo]

Seance: Say what?

Stationary bike: An oxymoronic bicycle.

Explanation:

[Pompey Bum]

Explanation: a denial making a brief layover on its journey to apology

Neurotic

[YesNo]

Neurotic: Someone who blames neurons for his behavior. One possible synonym would be “mental”, but those in viewing range would have other, more fitting, descriptions.

Mental:

[Pompey Bum]

Mental: an impolite thing to call a psycho

Inappropriate

[mona amon]

Inappropriate: All the juicy words we'd love to use on the Forum when the discussions get really heated up.

Discussion

[Pompey Bum]

Discussion: what progressive parents have with a child who has just shot his teachers

Diplomacy

[Pike Bishop]

Inappropriate: All the juicy words we'd love to use on the Forum when the discussions get really heated up.

Discussion

Discussion: The state of existence in which we, as social beings, have always been and always will be. "Discourse" is its fraternal twin.

Ideology:

[YesNo]

Diplomacy: An attempt to keep the steam kettle from exploding.

Ideology: A rational facade for irrational dispositions.

Rules:

[Pike Bishop]

Rules: Things telling you to do or not do something

Seduction:

[Pendragon]

Seduction: A man's usual excuse when he gets caught flirting with or ogling women

Fabrication:

[mona amon]

Seduction: The gentle art of inducing someone to sleep with you.

Fabrication: The act or process of manufacturing something, usually excuses.

Aphrodisiac

[Pompey Bum]

Aphrodisiac: a discreet trip to Viagra falls

Missionary position

[Pendragon]

Missionary position: Basic Intercourse 101

Cynic:

[Pike Bishop]

Cynic: A residual idealist and romantic who has been hurt by life and/or other people to an extent he or she will protect what is left of that idealism and romanticism like it was their last breath.

Decadence:

[mona amon]

Decadence: Drowning in aestheticism.

Organic

[Pompey Bum]

Organic: $1.20 more at the produce section

Komodo dragon

[Pendragon]

Komodo dragon: Gigantic and very dangerous lizard that fortunately lives only on the island of Komodo, where they can stay!

Fire:

[Pompey Bum]

Fire: humankind's most significant technological breakthrough prior to the fire extinguisher

Zephyr

[mona amon]

Zephyr - The west wind, whose "swete breth" wafts through many an old fashioned poem.

Profound

[Pompey Bum]

Profound: a lost quality sometimes retrievable in a special place known as the Lost and Profound

Interloper

[Pendragon]

Interloper : A person who interferes or meddles in the affairs of others, usually with the result of making the problem worse, not better

Nosy:

[Pompey Bum]

Nosy: the Seven Dwarves obnoxious neighbor

Pixie

[Pendragon]

Pixie: An elf on the shelf.


Mordor:

[mona amon]

Mordor: Land of the Great Evil Eye.

Style

[Pike Bishop]

Style: David Bowie

Pragmatic

[Pendragon]

Pragmatic: Feeling practical about having one's knickers in a twist

Callous:

[mona amon]

Callous: Not giving a damn.

Epic

[Pike Bishop]

Epic: Very large in scope.

Lugubrious

[mona amon]

Lugubrious: Emo, like Eyeore the donkey.

Childhood

[Pike Bishop]

An unending state undaunted by self-delusion and only ended by death.

Antediluvian

[Pendragon]

Antediluvian: Before the flood that Noah rode out on the ark. If you disbelieve the story of Noah, then sometime in the distant past before some sort of flood came through the area where the archeological dig is now.

Prehistoric:

[Pompey Bum]

Prehistoric: a little understood period before the Sumerian invention of beer

Stegosaurus

[Pendragon]

Stegosaurus: A four legged cross between a lizard and a comb with toothpicks on the tail. Fortunately this behemoth was a vegetarian

Wrong:

[Pike Bishop]

Middlebrow aesthetics, progressive rock, pretensious preference for "foreign films," Paul McCartney and Wings, claims Downton Abbey is Art, the Nobel committe's bias against White American Male authors, pretensious dismissal of artistic Television, judgment of people harming no one, Post-Grunge, Joel Schumacher films, Sandra Bullock, Steven Soderbergh's Solaris, and Bono in Rattle and Hum

Transcendent

[Pompey Bum]

Stegosaurus: A four legged cross between a lizard and a comb with toothpicks on the tail.


And don't forget the brains in its as s. ;-)

Wrong: the future perfect of "wring."

Caliban

[Calidore]

Privileged young people, often from California, who attempt to join violent religious extremist groups for reasons known only to themselves.

Hypocrisy

[Pompey Bum]

Greek for acting (sort of)

Laughing stock

[Pike Bishop]

Prehistoric:
Over-emphasis on classical philosophy and aesthetics

Anhedonic

[Pendragon]

Laughing stock: People who stand on their own convictions rather than follow the existing norm. Sometimes this changes so fast you can be both a laughing stock and an accepted authority worthy of praise in the hours of a single day.

Anhedonic: One so miserable that they can take pleasure in nothing, whose knickers are in a permanent twist.

Hipster:

[Pike Bishop]

Hipster: every young person today who calls someone else a hipster

Dionysian

[Pompey Bum]

Hipster:

Already defined by YesNo as one just far enough from mainstream to look stupid. :)

Laughing stock

[Calidore]

One who obliviously posts the same thing twice. :)

Repetition

[Pompey Bum]

Repetition: see senility :)

Toaster

[YesNo]

Toaster: A place to put a tart until she pops.

Tart:

[Pike Bishop]

Spartan:

The food budget of the typical English graduate school student.

Edwardian:

[Pompey Bum]

Tart:

Tart: A lady susceptible to the illicit acquisitiveness of Jacks, especially those of heart.

Teaching assistant ;-) :

[Pike Bishop]

Spartan:

The food budget of the typical English graduate school student.

Edwardian:

[Iain Sparrow]

A time when a woman of privilege wore a corset. As God and Nature intended.

Accordion:

[Pike Bishop]

Something that makes Christina Hendricks' character in Mad men even hotter

Solipsist

[YesNo]

Teaching Assistant: The Jack of Hearts employed to show the Queen of Hearts’ tartlets how it’s done.

Absolute Beginner:

[Pendragon]

Solipsist: Your absurd belief that you and only you exist when plainly I'm the one writing this!

Absolute Beginner: Failing to even have enough experience to fail at a job

Heretic:

[YesNo]

Heretic: A member of the opposition party.

Opposition Party:

[Pike Bishop]

Solipsist: Your absurd belief that you and only you exist when plainly I'm the one writing this.

Heretic:
Someone wise enough to eschew dogma.

Avant-Garde

[Calidore]

Opposition party: A political group that believes every day should be opposite day.

Avant-garde: Depending on who's asked, groundbreaking originality or pretentious twaddle.

Pretentious

[Pike Bishop]

Solipsist: Your absurd belief that you and only you exist when plainly I'm the one writing this

Heretic:
Heretic: Someone wise enough to eschew dogma.

Avant-Garde

[YesNo]

Pretentious: A transgressive and edgy way to tell the nurse that one needs one’s diapers changed.

Diaper:

[mona amon]

Diaper: Practical and stylish innerwear for the incontinent.

Child prodigy

[Pike Bishop]

Solipsist: Your absurd belief that you and only you exist when plainly I'm the one writing this

Heretic:
Heretic: Someone wise enough to eschew dogma.

Child Prodigy: the epitome of cursed and blessed.

Avant-Garde

[Pendragon]

Avant-Garde: Experimental, such as performance art that pushes the borders of taste, morals, and good common sense

Politically Correct:

[Pompey Bum]

Politically correct: A variety of narcissism based on the illusion that anyone cares if you're offended.

Triskaidekaphobia

[YesNo]

Triskaidekaphobia: An irrational fear inclining those who feel they are not in complete control to freak out when they see the number 13 which sort of makes sense since that also is the number on the Death trump card and change is not always pleasant.

Number of the Beast:

[Pompey Bum]

Number of the Beast: 666--but for you, 599.99!

Mammon

[Calidore]

Mammon: An expression used by women to compliment another woman's breasts, as: "She's got her mamm on."

Wang dang doodle

[Pompey Bum]

Wang Dang Doodle: Yankee Doodle's adopted Asian son.


Felicity

[Pike Bishop]

Avant-Garde: Experimental, such as performance art that pushes the borders of taste, morals, and good common sense

Politically Correct:

Politically Correct: A nebulous phrase used by those with racist, sexist, and/or homophobic views seeking to preclude and negate legitimate criticism of those views.

Esoteric:

[YesNo]

Felicity: A word for people not content with “happiness”.

Esoteric: A kind of message right in front of one’s face that is now hidden because one insists on ignoring it.

Silent Treatment:

[Pendragon]

Silent Treatment: Failing to rise to the bait when one is constantly harassed by someone with a grudge they cannot get over already!

Paragon:

[Pompey Bum]

Silent treatment: the inevitable result of speaking to a man with his fingers in his fingers in his ears.

Paragon: like a polygon, but more exemplary

Periscope

[YesNo]

Periscope: A way to put eyes on top of your head.

Nebulous:

[Pendragon]

Nebulous: Indistinct and Confused, usually about something one believes they are an expert on

Flimflam:

[mona amon]

Flimflam: A scheme that smells funny.

Law

[Pendragon]

Law: A written bill carefully worded so that it sometimes takes the entire nine Justices of the Supreme Court to argue over what it really means

Justice:

[Pompey Bum]

Justice: a virtue proposed by Greek philosophy, ranking just above sodomy.

Bovine

[YesNo]

Bovine: A biological group of creatures with cloven hoofs and often sporting a devilishly attractive set of horns like cows, goats and satyrs.

Satyr:

[Pompey Bum]

Satyr: an elf with priapism.

Naiad:

[YesNo]

Naiad: A sexy, fresh water nymph, the kind you can only get your hands on in your dreams.

Counterfactual:

[Pompey Bum]

Counterfactual: pertaining to the counterfacts of life (storks, cabbage patches, "When you're older, dear!" etc).

Peccadillo

[YesNo]

Peccadillo: A tiny “pecado” or sin which your spouse likely views differently causing her to collect a few peccadillos of her own.

Billiard Ball:

[Pompey Bum]

A sphere whose course determines fortunes better than the heavenly variety.

Hydrogen bomb:

[Pendragon]

Hydrogen bomb: The fictitious WMD that will never be used. There are a lot of crazy leaders out there who would push the button just to watch the world burn.

Ragnarok:

[mona amon]

Ragnarok: The apocalypse in Norse mythology where even some of the gods die. However there are enough surviving gods and a human couple to start the whole mess all over again.

Eschatology

[Pompey Bum]

Eschatology: God's exit strategy.

Teleology

[Pike Bishop]

Eschatology: A delusional dream shared by the religious and irreligious who actually think we'll ever solve the problem of being human.

Tautology

[Pendragon]

Teleology: Belief that there are designs and purposes in Nature, often decried by the same people who say "Notice the hind leg of a grasshopper. It is uniquely designed to propel the insect a set distance at a millisecond's notice."

Tautology: Constantly repeating something as if saying it often and loudly will make it be either true or false, depending on your point of view

Evolution:

[mona amon]

Evolution: The process of changing over time, usually into something higher or more complex, with some exceptions like argumentative Forum threads which only become more moronic the longer they get.

Delegate:

[Pendragon]

Delegate: To pass the buck to someone else. This is usually spun as giving power such as "Private! I am delegating you to be in charge of cleaning the barracks!"

Moronic:

[YesNo]

Moronic: A word that tries to capture the tantalizing way that morons behave. This behavior ranges wildly from the mildly amusing behavior of relatives at family reunions all the way up to extreme oxymoronic inanities.

Tantalize:

[Pendragon]

Tantalize: To tempt. Resisting temptation has never been man's strong point all the way back to Eden...

Hypnotize:

[Pike Bishop]

Hypnotize: To convince someone to do what they've always wanted to do but were too afraid--or deluded themselves they didn't want--to do so.

Phantasmagorical:

[mona amon]

Phantasmagorical: Fantastical on steroids.

Bodybuilding:

[YesNo]

Bodybuilding: An attempt to get control over one’s body by making sure the stuff that pops out is supposed to and the junk that shouldn’t stays put.

Control:

[Pendragon]

Control: An illusion caused by the mind thinking that you can actually influence fate

Horror:

[YesNo]

Horror: A emotional state anticipating dissatisfaction such as when one steps on the scale in the morning.

Illusion:

[Pendragon]

Illusion: That which keeps a fool from discovering that he is, in fact, a fool

Stupid:

[Pompey Bum]

Stupid: Trying to impress everyone until you have no friends left.

Shepherd's pie

[YesNo]

Shepherd’s Pie: A meat and vegetable dish covered with mashed potatoes and baked. If the sheep are nearby, tell them you used chicken.

Dish:

[Pompey Bum]

Dish: an adulteress who has led many a spoon to perdition.

Hangnail

[Pendragon]

Hangnail: The most flimsy excuse for missing work, school, etc.

High School:

[mona amon]

High School: A painful rite of passage supposed to prepare you for life. Survive it and you can survive anything.

Bully

[Pike Bishop]

Someone who attacks, harasses, and/or teams up on someone he or she--correctly or incorrectly--deems weaker or an outsider. He or she will usually tell himself and others he is against such behavior.

Polymath:

[mona amon]

Polymath: A generalist rather than a specialist, something increasingly difficult to be in modern times with the explosive increase in knowledge. Hence the synonym "Renaissance Man."

Politician

[Pompey Bum]

Politician: a sub-Renaissance man.

Sour grapes

[YesNo]

Sour Grapes: Delicious, juicy grapes just outside one’s reach.

Delicious:

[Pompey Bum]

Yesterday's grapes.

Humble pie

[Pendragon]

Humble Pie: A dish best eaten in private

Dream:

[Pike Bishop]

Dream: The arena where the known and the hidden meet and each claims authority as the Real.

Erotic:

[mona amon]

Erotic: Artistically pornographic.

Secret

[Pike Bishop]

Secret: Soon to be revealed.

Saturnine:

[Pendragon]

Saturnine: Painful expression caused by lead poisoning; sluggish and slow to respond. That is why the expressions are so weird on the old paintings when women thought lead white was beautiful.

Sanguinary:

[Pike Bishop]

Sanguinary: Ethically gutless and indifferent to the suffering of others

Performative:

[Pendragon]

Performative: The act of self congratulation for doing what one needed to do anyway

Lie:

[mona amon]

Lie: To recline, lie down, lie back, be recumbent, be prostrate, be supine, be prone, be stretched out, stretch oneself out, lean back, sprawl, rest, repose, relax, lounge, loll, bask,... or tell a whopper.

Limbo

[Dark Muse]

Limbo: a party game for really flexible people

Lost

[Pike Bishop]

One of the greatest television shows ever.

Moral:

[Pendragon]

Moral: Adherence to specific values each person defines differently. Some make many things immoral while other make few things immoral. Either will fight to the death for what they in their own minds think is perceived as a value.

Rules:

[Pompey Bum]

Rules: objects of unknown function commonly kept in shirt pockets by math majors.

Repulsion

[YesNo]

Repulsion: A physical principle that keeps the universe from collapsing in on itself.

Collapse:

[Pendragon]

Collapse: A dramatically staged pratfall designed to indicate surprise, fear, fainting, etc. or perhaps something more serious, such as a heart attack

Silence:

[Calidore]

Silence:

Ruckus

[mona amon]

Silence:


Heh heh, totally didn't get it at first.

Ruckus - What one raises when one feels offended, bilked, given a raw deal and so on - or is that rumpus.

Campus

[Pendragon]

Good one Calidore!

Campus: The grounds of an institute of higher learning, populated by kids finally out of their parent's house. They tend to be cesspools of vice, occasionally broken by the cool clear water of actually learning something useful, but most student tend to be afraid of the water...

Knowledge:

[YesNo]

Knowledge: Ignorance graded on the curve.

Curve:

[Pompey Bum]

Curve: a distribution (of fat) by which our society measures a woman's worth.

Parallel

[YesNo]

Parallel: An adjective describing two identical objects that will never know anything about each other since they will never meet.

White Rabbit:

[Pendragon]

White Rabbit: Never on time, a reference to Alice In Wonderland. Often used by a boss to chasten those workers who show up at nine when work started at eight. "Bill, you are a white rabbit and I'm about to cook your tail!"

Hookum:

[Pompey Bum]

Hookum: what happens when you cross a hookah with hokum?

Palimpsest

[mona amon]

Palimpsest: A medieval vellum manuscript, recycled by scraping off a layer of writing and then using it again. Now a word used to fancify prose and literary criticism. Eg. "All history was a palimpsest, scraped clean and reinscribed exactly as often as was necessary".- 1984, George Orwell

Prolix:

[YesNo]

Prolix: Saying something in many words that is best said in few probably because they are paid by the word or because they are narcissists or for whatever inane reason that might pass through their verbose minds unable to control the diarrhea of verbal profusion that only tires the reader and makes him, and, yes, even her, wonder if the guy will ever just take a deep breath and stop.


Diarrhea of the mouth:

[Pendragon]

Diarrhea of the mouth: Colorful phrase that indicates that someone is talking too much, often without any knowledge of what they are talking about. It takes a lot more than toilet paper to fix this job...

Porcelain Bus:

[Pompey Bum]

What you have to take if you spend to much time on the m-m-magic bus.

Intoxication

[Pendragon]

Intoxication: Completely overcome. This an be by drink or drugs, of course, but you can also be over come with beauty, art, literature, acting, sports, etc. Call it serious fan appreciation.

Inebriated:

[Pompey Bum]

Inebriated: riding the porcelain bus. This can likewise be a reaction to art, literature, acting, or sports.

Attraction

[Pendragon]

Attraction: Something that catches the eye. This is no guarantee that what catches your eye will be attractive. Ugly catches the eye as well as beauty, perhaps more!

Butt Ugly:

[mona amon]

Butt Ugly: Very ugly, like a butt presumably, though whoever coined the term was obviously not thinking of Francois Boucher's Mademoiselle O'Murphy, Canova's Three Graces and such.

Gluteus Maximus

[Pompey Bum]

Gluteus Maximus: Latin for: "The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin'."

Catapult

[Calidore]

Catapult: Device for flinging felines across great distances.

Doggerel

[Pompey Bum]

Doggerel: canine retrievers used for bringing the kitties back to the launchers, because, hey, why stop?

Crypt

[Pendragon]

Crypt: A vampire's happy home

Creep:

[Dark Muse]

Creep: a great song by Radiohead or that guy in the trench coat who always lurks in the park that you tell your kids to stay away from.

Zombie

[mona amon]

Zombie - A corpse with working parts.

Clockwork

[Pompey Bum]

Clockwork: tiny shackles that enslave every life.

Pendulum

[Pendragon]

Pendulum: The original swinging single

Pit:

[Pompey Bum]

Pit: best Prime Minister before Churchil.

Salacious

[Pendragon]

Salacious: 1. ***CENSORED! 2) First name of this little dude named Crumb http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wIW55V-xC00/SZzoWApjlDI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/fGt0pfQY5ZU/s400/Salacious-crumb2.jpg




Warthog:

[mona amon]

Warthog: Pig with pimples.

Slander

[Pendragon]

Slander: The attitude of the world towards me, unwritten libel

Putdown:

[Pompey Bum]

Putdown: an inauthentic "fossil" hominid said to have been discovered in Sussex, England in the early 20th century; "Putdown Man."

Amoeba

[Pendragon]

Amoeba: Single celled organism that looks quite a bit like someone spat on the microscope slide.

Infinitesimal:

[mona amon]

Infinitesimal: So tiny that it doesn't really matter, except to a nit-picking perfectionist.

Anecdote

[Pompey Bum]

Anecdote: the WRONG thing to ask a doctor for if you've been bitten by a snake.

Inflammable

[Dark Muse]

Inflammable: a confusing and sometimes misleading way of saying flammable

Candle

[Pompey Bum]

Candle: An article of household use formerly compelled to labor all night. It seems there was no rest for the wicked.

Quartz

[Pendragon]

Quartz: A shiny crystal rock that comes in different colors and is actually valuable if it is purple (amethyst) It also comes in clear, white, rose, smoke, and yellow. New Agers think it has mystic properties.

New Age:

[Pompey Bum]

New Age: similar old age, but with marginally less incontinence.

Psychosomatic

[mona amon]

Psychosomatic: A real, physical disease that's all in the mind.

Eclectic

[Pendragon]

Eclectic: not following any one system, as of philosophy, medicine, etc., but selecting and using what are considered the best elements of all systems, I.E., very choosy.

Eccentric:

[mona amon]

Eccentric: Off-center, something we all pride ourselves on being even at the risk of being considered completely nuts, so afraid are we of conforming to the mainstream.

Aftermath

[Dark Muse]

Aftermath: The party I threw when I completed my last math class

Calculus

[Pendragon]

Calculus: Migraine headache caused by bewildering mathematical formulas you will probably never use anyway

Art Class:

[Pompey Bum]

Art class: What private schools have instead of recess.

Recess

[Calidore]

Recess: An abscess that comes back.

Katana

[mona amon]

Katana: Medieval Japanese lightsaber.

Anime

[Dark Muse]

Anime: Popular highly obnoxious and oft incomprehensible cartoon

Ninja

[Pendragon]

Ninja: Highly trained assassins of Oriental descent. Nowadays, disposable fighters in a kung-fu movie.

Thuggee:

[Pompey Bum]

Naw, fight your own battles.

Open gays as scout masters?

[Pendragon]

I think you posted in the wrong thread, White Rabbit!

Thugge: A worshiper of the goddess Kali, who will wring your neck in worship!

Mormon:

[Pompey Bum]

Mormon: just an m away from the truth. (Totally kidding, as usual. :))

Thrift

[Calidore]

Mormon: Jamaican for "I'd like seconds, please."

Thrift: The practice of not enjoying your money.

Lavish

[Dark Muse]

Lavish: The practice of enjoying your money too much

Lush

[Pendragon]

Lush: 1) Thick with undergrowth, ex: a lush thicket. 2) Thick with alcohol, ex: Pompey is a lush

Stoned: