Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

[Dark Muse]

Stoned: I am sorry can you repeat the question? I had to step out a moment and go to 711 and buy a bunch of snack food and then dude I had this totally ingenious idea and like totally forgot what I was doing here. Hey have you seen my cat? I think she is talking to me again.

Hippy

[Pendragon]

Hippy: Person who is still stuck in the carefree days of the sixties, tie-dyed shirts, bell bottom pants, long hair, pot smoking i.e. Willie Nelson

Non-Conformist:

[MystyrMystyry]

Non-Conformist Similar to a No-can-do-ist, but with a bit more integrity


Jack Of All Trades

[Pompey Bum]

Jack-of-All-Trades: the Queen of Hearts love child by the Jack of Clubs.

And just for the record, Pompey drinks less than a Baptist.

Rumor mongering:

[Pendragon]

Rumor mongering: The one business that exists in every town regardless of size, where the workers are all volunteers who have the requirements of a big mouth and bigger ears.

Bald Face Lie:

[Pompey Bum]

Bald-faced lie: a clean shaven shaggy dog story.

Fanaticism

[Pendragon]

Fanaticism: Just far enough from mainstream to look stupid, but not stupid enough to be taken seriously

Old School:

[Dark Muse]

Old School: The place I used to go to high school

Lobotomy

[Calidore]

Lobotomy: Culling the wolf population.

Predator

[Pendragon]

Predator: 1) One of a species of animals that barbarically eats other species. 2) Those dreadlock aliens with Wolverine claws

Make Believe:

[Pompey Bum]

Make Believe: a land long suffering under the tyrannical despotism of King Friday XIII.

Folly

[mona amon]

Folly: A piece of inspired, extravagant, architectural foolishness like Neuschwanstein or the Taj Mahal.

Exit strategy:

[Pompey Bum]

Exit strategy: a promise broken more often than a condom.

Teetotaler

[Pendragon]

Teetotaler: One who drinks only when alone and nobody can see, then carps about drinking in public

Religious:

[Pompey Bum]

Religious: having the characteristics of a wall of vanity and self-righteousness that an individual places between himself (or herself) and God.

Slapstick

[YesNo]

Slapstick: What my dad used when didn’t want to take off his belt.

Incense:

[Pendragon]

Incense: 1) Perfumed sticks we used to burn back in High School to cover the smell of Marijuana. Our favorite was coconut. 2) To make angry, such as our Trade School Bus driver when the bus was full of coconut and Marijuana smoke.

High School:

[Calidore]

Incense: How IRS-haters pay their taxes.

Swoosh

[YesNo]

High School: A time when one realizes the use value of the opposite sex.

Swoosh: What happens to a basketball when someone else is throwing it at the net.

Use Value:

[mona amon]

Use Value: The utility of a commodity, as opposed to its exchange value, or the price it fetches in the market. These two values often have the most extremely inverse of relationships, for example the comparative usefulness and price of bread and diamonds.

Diamond

[Pendragon]

Diamond: A chunk of carbon that has a Master's Degree in Shiny Glamor...

Racial:

[Pompey Bum]

Racial: pertaining to Nascar.

Agog

[Pendragon]

Agog: A mythical giant

Astounded:

[Dark Muse]

Astounded: A single stound in the past tense

Sublime

[Pompey Bum]

Sublime: Green citric splendor.

Perfidious

[Pendragon]

Perfidious: Making no effort to disguise deceit, openly treacherous, fanatically faithless, a no good nasty

Obsequious:

[Pompey Bum]

Obsequious: a team player.

Opaque

[Pendragon]

Opaque: Not exactly see through, a vague impression blurred out of focus

Magician:

[RufusWGriswold]

Magician: 1) One skilled in transforming deceit into entertainment for the purposes of profit; 2) A tall hat with a charlatan growing beneath it; 3) One who nurtures superstition

Philanthropist:

[Pompey Bum]

Very nice, RWG. Welcome to the games. :)

Philanthropist: An anthropologist looking a tax deduction.

Calico

[RufusWGriswold]

Thank you, PB :}

Calico: 1) a breed of feline with an indecisive coat

Manifesto:

[mona amon]

Manifesto: The politician or revolutionary's playbill.

Advertisement

[RufusWGriswold]

Advertisement: 1) A ubiquitous and insidious method of convincing consumers that they are inadequate as a result of not parting with their hard earned money to purchase items they neither need nor desire; 2) corporate sponsored, state approved brainwashing

Success:

[Pendragon]

Success: 1)The ability to convince at least one person that you are a genius 2) Your neighbor's life as compared to yours

Binge:

[mona amon]

Binge: What happens on the third day of a strictly followed low-calorie diet.

Diatribe

[Pompey Bum]

Diatribe: remote Amazonian group that just won't shut up.

Polemic

[RufusWGriswold]

Polemic: An epidemic of disagreeable proportions

Fashion:

[Pompey Bum]

Paying money to be sure you look like everyone else; um, I mean YOUR BEST!

Asteroid

[Pendragon]

Asteroid: Chunk of rock hanging out with a billion others lost somewhere between Mars and Jupiter

Glory:

[Pompey Bum]

Death is a manner that someone living finds useful.

Contrite

[mona amon]

Contrite: One's usual facial expression when one sits down to eat crow.

Easy

[YesNo]

Easy: How some boys see certain girls until one of them gets pregnant. The opposite is “hard” which is best illustrated by the following story:


Three nuns died and met Saint Peter at the gates. He said new regulations required him to ask each of them a question before they could get in. He asked the first one, the smartest of the group, “What was the name of the first man?” She said, “Oh! That’s an easy one. His name was Adam!” Bells rang. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in. He asked the second one who wasn’t quite as smart as the first one, but smarter than the third, “What was the name of the first woman?” She said, “Oh! That’s an easy one. Her name was Eve!” Bells ran. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in. Finally Saint Peter looked at the third one and asked, “What’s the first thing Eve said to Adam?” The third one started to sweat and finally complained, “Oh! That’s a hard one.” Bells ran. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in.

Saint Peter:

[Pendragon]

Saint Peter: Symbolic Gate keeper of Paradise, despite no such designation in the Bible or other books of that era. His name was actually Simon, but Jesus named him Petra, a little stone. The rock Christ builds His church upon is not Peter the man, but the revelation of who Jesus was that Peter proclaimed.

Angelic:

[mona amon]

Angelic: Like an angel. What little devils under ten look like.

Sentimental

[Pendragon]

Sentimental: Value that has nothing to do with price

Leech:

[Pompey Bum]

Leech: 1960s flower-child singer of "Atlantis," "Sunshine Superman," and "Catch the Wind."

Curvaceous

[Pendragon]

Curvaceous: Ancient word meaning "sexy"

Fallout:

[YesNo]

Fallout: What happens to a two-some, or couple, when the faithful party realizes that they have been for some time a three-some.

Fireworks:

[Pendragon]

Fireworks: 1 China's gift to the Fourth of July 2) What happens when fallout takes place. (see Fallout)

[Tyrion Cheddar]

[INDENT]Three nuns died and met Saint Peter at the gates.

YesNo, that joke is older than my esteemed posterior, which, I can tell you, is pretty darned old. Normally, therefore, I would petition the courts to have you tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered, and pilloried, before being punished. Luckily for you, though, it is a naughty joke you make, featuring a naked babe alluding, albeit fleetingly, to an upright and, one assumes, adamantine knob, and so I am willing to grant you a reprieve. Just don't let it happen again. At least, not unless there are pictures.

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Fireworks: 1 China's gift to the Fourth of July 2) What happens when fallout takes place. (see Fallout)

I was going to say fireworks is what happens when the third party is asked to join the couple, but well done and all. ;-)

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Curvaceous: Ancient word meaning "sexy"

(NB: The following joke contains material that some women may find offensive; it is not intended to be, but I ain't one for political correctness so cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war, or possibly some pent up gas...) In my experience, curvaceous is a word fat women use to describe their figures in online personal ads. See also Rubenesque. <bow, curtsy, throw me a fish>

[Pendragon]

Moving on...

Luck:

[YesNo]

YesNo, that joke is older than my esteemed posterior, which, I can tell you, is pretty darned old. Normally, therefore, I would petition the courts to have you tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered, and pilloried, before being punished. Luckily for you, though, it is a naughty joke you make, featuring a naked babe alluding, albeit fleetingly, to an upright and, one assumes, adamantine knob, and so I am willing to grant you a reprieve. Just don't let it happen again. At least, not unless there are pictures.

Oh, yes. It is quite old, but always worth retelling if one can risk it. Given Sir Mix-a-Lot's "I Like Big Butts" and Meghan Trainor's more recent "All About That Bass", curvaceous, if it hasn't always been, is the new sexy.


Luck: An unexpected windfall or punishment that you unwittingly set yourself up for. For example, if you are the prince of a castle and an old woman knocks on your door in the evening asking to spend the night in exchange for a single rose, the smart move is to let her in.

Boon:

[Pompey Bum]

Oh, yes. It is quite old, but always worth retelling if one can risk it.

See, this is how Gilgamesh started.


Boon:

Boon: Noob spelled backward (to get the satanic messages).

Convex

[Pendragon]

Convex: The opposite of concave, referring to a curve out or a curve in. Likely baseball terminology. Ex: Coach "Lefty, get warming up. That loser on the mound has such a convex curve he's going to walk us to a loss!"

Manifest Destiny:

[Pompey Bum]

Manifest Destiny: a kind of fortune telling practiced by the best armed.

Igloo

[Dark Muse]

Igloo: A hobbit house in the snow

Polar Bear

[Pompey Bum]

A bear whose highs are high and whose lows are low. See bipolar bear.

Brontosaurus

[YesNo]

Brontosaurus: A four-legged, vegan dinosaur with a long tail that devolved into the modern dog. If that sounds like unfair karma, recall what happened to its “I’ll-eat-anything” cousin, the tyrannosaurus, who had only two legs and devolved into the chicken.

Edible:

[Pendragon]

Edible: Let's make this clear: Edible doesn't mean "good to eat". It means you won't do a faceplant on your plate because you ate it. Similar to this is the food word "choice." Choice also doesn't mean good to eat. It means if you feed it to an unsuspecting friend they won't chase you through the house with a steak knife. At least according to Outdoor Humorist Patrick K McManus

Taste:

[Pompey Bum]

Brontosaurus: A four-legged, vegan dinosaur with a long tail that devolved into the modern dog. If that sounds like unfair karma, recall what happened to its “I’ll-eat-anything” cousin, the tyrannosaurus, who had only two legs and devolved into the chicken.

Or its ancestral second cousin, the Dimetrodon, which evolved into you and me! :)

Taste: the reason cannibals prefer those with degrees in literary criticism.

Antiquated

[YesNo]

Or its ancestral second cousin, the Dimetrodon, which evolved into you and me! :)

Taste: the reason cannibals prefer those with degrees in literary criticism.


Dimetrodon does explain the weight range of some of my relatives.

Antiquated: A version of reality that was obviously true not too long ago.

Cannibal:

[Pompey Bum]

Cannibal: worst dinner date ever.

Thunder

[Pendragon]

Cannibal: One to whom having friends for dinner takes a very sinister meaning...

Thunder: The sound of raindrops rubbing together

Lightning:

[Pompey Bum]

Thunder: The sound of raindrops rubbing together

It's not God farting?


Lightning

Electrons trying to act like they're really cool or something.

Wild turkey

[YesNo]

Wild Turkey: What a turkey sandwich left in the back of the frig for eons of time evolves into.

Science Experiment:

[Pendragon]

Science Experiment: 1)Trying by means that can be precisely measure and under stringent conditions to prove something that one believes could happen in agreement to the laws of nature 2) How science teachers punish their students annually at the science fair

Supposition:

[Calidore]

Supposition: The correct placement of a suppository.

Follicle

[mona amon]

Follicle: a foolish little icicle.

Hair transplant

[Pendragon]

Hair Transplant: To move hair from where you don't want it, say underarms, to where you do want it, on your head. Because nothing is as sexy as clumps of smelly armpit hair sticking up like hog bristles on one's head.

Face Lift:

[Calidore]

Face Lift: Standing up

Hangnail

[Dark Muse]

Hangnail: What is used to put pictures on the wall

Duct Tape

[YesNo]

Duct Tape: The only proven way to shut a duck up.


When columbine droops blooms in spring,
Then little Willie loves to sing.
So harsh and wintry is his voice
That duct tape is our only choice.

Swan:

[Dark Muse]

Swan: An elegant and snobbish goose

Ballet

[Pompey Bum]

Ballet: an elegant and snobbish bump and grind.

Tango

[Dark Muse]

Tango: Milltary speak for the letter T

Waltz

[Pompey Bum]

Tango: sex before reliable birth control.

Waltz: dating before the drive-in was invented.

Jitterbug?

[Pendragon]

Jitterbug: Well, we have June Bugs here which are actually 17 year locusts. So a Jitterbug would be an intoxicated June Bug.

Moth:

[Dark Muse]

Moth: Nocturnal butterfly

Dragonfly

[Calidore]

Dragonfly: Yes, usually.

Plankton

[Dark Muse]

Plankton: A weight measure for wooden planks

Crawdad

[Pendragon]

Crawdad: Miniature lobsters cooked and sold in the Southern USA. Tried 'em in the Carolina's. It must be an acquired taste.

BTW, Dark Muse: Moth: Hippy Butterfly that gets stoned at every street light.

Hippy:

[YesNo]

Hippy: A 1960’s political-fashion statement with beads, fancy-patched bell-bottom jeans, long flowing hair even on males, taking tokes on cigarettes passed around, going to protests and music festivals and not sure which one was which, talking about peace and love and communes and living off the land, not able to use their draft card as ID at the local greasy spoon because they either lost it or burnt it at the student sit-in last week or they were females and didn’t have one or they were already in Vietnam.

Oldies But Goodies

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Jitterbug: Well, we have June Bugs here which are actually 17 year locusts. So a Jitterbug would be an intoxicated June Bug.

Moth:

Jitterbug: a June Bug on Heisenberg's blue meth.

Moth: the undead of the butterfly world.

[Pendragon]

Oldies But Goodies: Term applied to films, books, plays, music, etc. that means it is far past the time it was a big hit but some still consider it worthwhile.

Passé :

[YesNo]

Passé: A delicate French sauce poured over old news.

Damaged Goods:

[Pendragon]

Damaged Goods: Politically correct for insane

Institutionalized:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Institutionalized: What we all should be after decades of political correctness.

Fracking

[Pompey Bum]

Fracking: expl.; short for "Frack the environment, we need the oil!"

Geomancy

[YesNo]

Geomancy: Inspiration coming from tossed rocks or sand used as prompts.

Chick Magnet:

[Pendragon]

Chick Magnet: What every middle-aged, fat, balding moron believes himself to be

Babe:

[YesNo]

Babe: A word used by couples to get the attention of the other and soften a bit the content of the rest of the sentence, such as, when a man asks, “Babe, can you get me another beer?” He is kind of expecting her to move to the refrigerator now, pop the cap and bring it to him. Or when she says, “Babe, you know it’s your kid!” She’s expecting him to realize that that weekend she was away for her high school reunion in Vegas had nothing to do with it.

Back Seat Driver:

[Pendragon]

Back Seat Driver: Annoying person who tells you how to drive. Just speed up and recklessly pass a line of vehicles, barely clearing the last one in front of an oncoming car. They will shut up in a hurry!

Armchair Quarterback:

[Pompey Bum]

The guy who passes or hands off the armchair, of course.

Box of rocks

[YesNo]

Box of rocks: An IQ contest where the box of rocks wins.

Just a second:

[Pendragon]

Just a Second: Indefinite period of time, certainly longer than a second and possibly hours.

Prejudice:

[YesNo]

Prejudice: A form of justice that skips the evidence phase since it wouldn't make any difference anyway.

Summer Solstice:

[Pendragon]

Summer Solstice: 1) The longest day of the year, beating out Mondays by a large margin 2) Celebration Day observed by Wiccans, Druids, Native Americans, Celtics, and followers of Gaia, or The Old Religion. As it is the first day of Summer, they might have a point, but Christians and others consider their rituals Pagan in nature. So what? They enjoy it and as a Christian it doesn't bother me to have them party. Just because it's finally Summer I might do a little dancing myself!

Winter Solstice:

[YesNo]

Winter Solstice: Half way back to the Summer solstice.

Fate worse than death:

[Pendragon]

Fate worse than death: 1) to some, eternal damnation 2) to some, marriage 3) and to some, 1 and 2 are interchangeable...

Dope:

[mona amon]

Dope: 1. Abysmally stupid person.
2. Illegal drugs.
3. Abysmally stupid person who takes illegal drugs.
4. Really cool and awesome.

Awesome

[Pendragon]

Awesome: Cool, hot, righteous, dude, the bomb, word, etc.

Flag:

[Melanie]

Flag: Something shaped like a rectangle that waves in the wind and therefore should really be shaped like a hand.


Bodyguard:

[YesNo]

Bodyguard: A mercenary paid to level the playing field and fight the bad guys for you which makes you wonder why the bad guys are there in the first place.

Bad Guy:

[Melanie]

Bad Guy: Someone who has balls but no brain and no heart.

Brain:

[YesNo]

Brain: That part of one’s heart that thinks it is in control.

Interstellar:

[Pompey Bum]

Interstanley's beloved.

Streetcar

[mona amon]

Streetcar: American for tram.

Imaginary friend:

[Pendragon]

Imaginary friend: Otherwise referred to as "those voices in your head."

Worst Enemy:

[mona amon]

Worst Enemy: A sort of imaginary friend whom one uses to show how magnanimous one is. Eg. "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

Patriotic

[Pendragon]

Patriotic: Standing up for what you believe your country's policy should be, not to be confused with what your country's policy actually is

SNAFU:

[Melanie]

SNAFU is a situation of error that no one wants to own up to. No one will point fingers, well, not until they get themselves a podium, a microphone, a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer.

Impulse:

[YesNo]

Impulse: Something one knows one shouldn’t do, but, hey, why not?

Cat Scan:

[Pompey Bum]

Cat Scan: the inspection of a beast the censor will not permit me to mention.

Centaur

[North Star]

Centaur: hundred gold coins.

Expulsion

[Pompey Bum]

Expulsion: a pulsion you married but subsequently divorced.

Birdsong

[Pendragon]

Birdsong: 1) The cheerful chirping of birds on a sunny morning 2) The law ruckus caused by crows when one is trying to be quite and line up a shot during deer season

Nonsense:

[mona amon]

Nonsense: Other people's opinions when they differ from our own.

Rigmarole:

[Pendragon]

Rigmarole: Political speech

Weasel:

[YesNo]

Weasel: A politician who knows how to hypnotize the electorate by spinning the news.

Spin:

[Pompey Bum]

Spin: a cyclical process of casting off unwanted dirty water after rinsing voters.

Apotheosis

[Melanie]

Spin: Something the news media does to make the "facts" look more shocking and in-depth….or a 180 degree turn in a Batmobile.

Tomorrow

[Pompey Bum]

Looks like we shot at the same time. Give it to Melanie.

[Melanie]

Thank you, no problem...let the next Lit-Neter choose which word strikes their fancy.

[Pompey Bum]

You're welcome. Hopefully it will be YesNo, who always answers both! :)

[Pendragon]

Apotheosis: One too heavenly minded to be any earthly good

Tomorrow: That amazing day when we all start our diets, quit our bad habits, and totally change our lives

Wistful:

[YesNo]

Wistful: The state of being full of wist; a pensive, brooding mood swing where only the theme song from the “The Titanic” will do.

Brooding:

[mona amon]

Brooding: An essential characteristic of the tall, dark, Byronic hero of romance novels.

Titan:

[Pompey Bum]

Titan: a Heavenly body responsible for romantic moonlit evenings on Jupiter.

Humidity

[Pendragon]

Humidity: A word often inserted as an antidote to heat, as in "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." Sorry Jack, it is the heat!

Stormy:

[YesNo]

Stormy: How those happy with an equilibrium view it getting punctuated.

All Hell Breaks Loose:

[Pompey Bum]

All hell breaks loose: a far more serious situation than when only one part of hell gets a little wobbly.

Infrastructure

[YesNo]

Infrastructure: That part of reality that keeps the more interesting parts afloat.

Spy:

[Pendragon]

Spy: 1) A very patriotic individual who risks his or her life finding out secrets on foreign countries for their home country. 2) An very unpatriotic coward who risks his or her life finding out secrets on their home country to sell to those foreign dogs 3) any version of number one caught in the act, and usually executed, while being totally denied by the home country they represent

Spy Novel:

[YesNo]

Spy Novel: An form of mystery novel where the main mystery is which character is loyal to which country.

My bad:

[Pompey Bum]

My bad: a phrase that rhymes with Ipad.

Venial

[YesNo]

Venial: A type of minor indiscretion often associated with the phrase, “What Venus does with you in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

Mortal

[Pompey Bum]

Venial: a sin that rhymes with genial.

Mortal: a sin that gets you chucked down the portal.

Omission

[YesNo]

Omission: The mission coming after the Nth one.

Commission:

[Pompey Bum]

Commission: in military terms, a license to get someone else to kill for you.

Transubstantiation

[Pendragon]

Transubstantiation: This refers to the miracle of turning bread and wine (used symbolically to represent the body and blood of Christ during communion) into the actual flesh and blood of Christ. It's kind of creepy when you think about it. I go the symbolism route myself.

Offensive:

[mona amon]

Offensive: 1. All the little things that deeply hurt the sentiments of the sanctimonious hypocrite.

Humbug

[Pendragon]

Humbug: Notorious insect known to hang out at Political Speeches and other speeches by sanctimonious hypocrites.

Hindsight:

[YesNo]

Hindsight: The disturbing visions of those who keep looking back.

Vision:

[Pendragon]

Vision: 1) Our normal sense of sight 2) Hallucination of past or future events that may or may not be second sight 3)Android member of the Avengers

Sight:

[YesNo]

Sight: A word that rhymes with light which you will need if you want to see much of anything unless when you’re dreaming.

Dream:

[Pendragon]

Dream: To forgo reality by retreating into the realm of illusion

Snore:

[Pompey Bum]

Snore: Pompey Bum's latest post on religion.

Debtor's Prison

[YesNo]

Debtor’s Prison: At the moment, Greece, but expansion plans are underway.

Love at first sight:

[Pompey Bum]

Love at first sight: a sudden discharge of Cupid's eros.

Calamity:

[Pendragon]

Calamity: Any small problem that might inconvenience me personally

Disaster:

[YesNo]

Disaster: An inconvenience one notch higher than a calamity.

Fairy Tale:

[Pendragon]

Fairy Tale: A much handed down tale that is supposed to have some lesson in it, such as things usually turn out OK in the end. Exactly the type of BS spewed by the average politician

Truth:

[Pendragon]

Truth: Something so simple that people waste forever looking for a more complicated answer

Liar:

[Calidore]

An ancient stringed instrument resembling a harp, but defective in that it only plays false notes.

Pluck

[LaurieN]

Pluck: Courage to define success on your own terms.

Old School:

[YesNo]

Old School: A reason often given for why one can’t use a smart phone.

Smart:

[Pompey Bum]

Smart: something a machine calls itself when it's taking you for a fool.

Diaphanous

[YesNo]

Diaphanous: So fine and delicate it might as well not be there.

Sasquatch:

[Pompey Bum]

Sasquatch: Big and lumbering, but not there either.

Angel

[Pendragon]

Angel: Human figure with wings, despite this description of angels being nowhere in the KJB. There are flying creatures, seraphim for example have six wings; cherubim; is a winged angelic being described as a lion or bull with eagles' wings and a human face, and the creatures described by such people as Ezekiel, Daniel, and St John on Patmos in Revelations. No human with wings. Hummmm...

Gargoyle:

[Calidore]

No human with wings. Hummmm...

This confirms that Paul McCartney isn't human.

Gargoyle: To talk like Popeye's girlfriend through liquid held in your mouth. Should only be attempted by professionals.

Antidote

[Pompey Bum]

Angel: a ghost in drag.

Antidote: a short or amusing story about having survived poisoning.

Bubonic plague

[YesNo]

Angel: A pole dancer at the Devil’s Delight Gentlemen’s Club.

Antidote: The real author of “Maresiedotes”.

Gargoyle: An extra virgin dragon oil.

Bubonic Plague: An attempt by microbes to level the playing field.

Extra Virgin:

[Pendragon]

Extra Virgin: An impossibility, as virginity can only be lost once. There is no take back. This is a culinary term used to make non-chefs feel like Gordon Ramsey...

Hell's Kitchen:

[YesNo]

Hell’s Kitchen: More than one needs to know about how one’s food is prepared. Or, a good reason to be glad you cancelled your cable subscription.

Barbecue:

[Pompey Bum]

Gargoyle: A female toothed and armored fish found in the brackish swamps of southern Florida. See Alligator Gargoyle.

Barbecue: French for BBQ.

Caviar

[Pendragon]

Caviar: Fancy culinary term designed to make snooty people forget they are eating fish eggs

Oyster:

[YesNo]

Oyster: A disgusting delicacy best served with a loaf of bread and butter and seasoned with pepper and vinegar and fit for a weepy walrus and his carpenter companion.

Delicacy:

[Pompey Bum]

Oyster: a glorious beast best taken with horseradish and champagne while the stench of magnolia and streetwalkers drifts with fog through a warm New Orleans night.

Look YN, my pagan side came out! :blush5:

Delicacy: an item of viscera fit for none but the honored guest. (Translation: you eat it!)

Tofu

[YesNo]

Look YN, my pagan side came out! :blush5:


It occurred to me I'm probably not a fancy believer in the New Age as I've often thought, but just an ordinary, old-fashioned pagan.


Tofu: Another uncanny transformation of the lowly soybean into something believed to be edible.

Pagan:

[Pompey Bum]

Pagan: a nature worshipper; in Ancient Rome, one who rooted for the lions.

Apostate

[YesNo]

Apostate: One of the many reasons to burn someone at the stake thereby giving them a brief preview of the hell-fire they will soon enjoy for supposedly eternity.

Burning at the stake:

[Pompey Bum]

Burning at the stake: letting the charcoal get too hot at the Labor Day cookout; see well done.

Hot cocoa

[Pendragon]

Hot Cocoa: The drink of royalty, best served with snow on the ground, a fireplace going, and marshmallows in the cup!

Offensive:

[YesNo]

Offensive: Offensive is to defensive as proactive is to reactive as kicking butt is to having butt kicked. For example:


There once was a monster named Moe
Who was happy as most monsters go.
On the offense he’s mean.
On the defense he’s seen--
Well, he’s not, since he won’t even show.

DUFF:

[Pompey Bum]

Duff (also DUFF): the back of one's front.

Porcupine:

[YesNo]

Porcupine: An introverted group of species who decided early in their evolutionary transformations that they really did not want to be petted.

Hot Tub:

[Pompey Bum]

Hot tub: a cruel thing to call a plus-sized model.

Triceratops

[Pendragon]

Triceratops: That famous horned dinosaur who may or may not have had a lot of similar species. Perhaps all of them didn't have the three horns, some had more, and some had none. Were the ones without horns but with the distinctive backplate on the head maybe female? Female deer, for example, have no antlers...


Evolution:

[YesNo]

Evolution: An optimistic view of devolution.

Read:

[Pompey Bum]

Read: a verb that rhymes with deed or dead, depending on when the deed was read. But as a present active participle, it rhymes with wedding and refers to a town in Massachusetts.

Kleptomaniac

[YesNo]

Kleptomaniac: Someone who can’t keep his hands out of other people’s cookie jars not because he doesn’t have a cookie jar of his own that is filled (with other people’s stuff), but because he feels he has a duty to tidy things up and stuff that is not in his cookie jar is simply not in its proper place.

Enchantment:

[Pompey Bum]

In other words (as the old joke goes) someone who helps himself because he can't help himself.

Enchantment: an evolutionary instinct assuring the human male that a given cookie jar would be a delightful place to intrude a hand.

Abstinence

[YesNo]

In other words (as the old joke goes) someone who helps himself because he can't help himself.


If one does get caught, that is about as good of an excuse as one can find.


Abstinence: An ability to resist a pleasure. Extra brownie points if this resistance occurs without a good reason to do so.

Brownie point:

[Pompey Bum]

Brownie point: what brownie do when Tarzan show her police line up.

Casino

[YesNo]

Casino: A place to have fun losing money.

Naan:

[Pendragon]

Naan: I am reliably informed, Sahib, or Memsahib, that this is a flat bread baked only in India, but the details of the taste I cannot tell you

Groat:

[YesNo]

Groat: A ancient coin valued at four pennies and containing real silver rather than the fiat kind we use today.

Fiat:

[Pompey Bum]

Fiat: 3rd person singular present active subjunctive of the Latin verb fio, fieri (to become). Also a car for poor slobs who can't afford Jaguars.

Promiscuous

[YesNo]

Promiscuous: A fearless state of mind that makes you think you can take on any member of the opposite sex which you hope will happen to you when you can finally afford that Jaguar.

Slob:

[Pendragon]

Slob: Uncouth drunk in the pub who likes to start rows 2) One's general appearance in the mornings after a night on the town

Bob:

[YesNo]

Bob: As an English word with a short popping sound it could mean just about anything. As an acronym you would have to use your imagination. Some like to think it is what a girl does who has long hair and is sick of washing it and combing it and so she cuts it. Others think it is the heavy end of a pendulum. Some, who have a boyfriend named Bob, even think it refers to their boyfriends.

Acronym:

[Pompey Bum]

Bob: Bob spelled backwards (a palindrome); also your uncle, allegedly; and a tail upon which bells apparently ring.

Acronym: an anagram for "my acorn."

Litotes

[YesNo]

Litotes: One of those remarkable English words that isn’t the most critical for a civilized vocabulary.

Vocabulary:

[Pompey Bum]

Litotes: One of those remarkable English words that isn’t the most critical for a civilized vocabulary.

It's Greek.

Vocabulary: words, words, words.

Metonymy

[Pendragon]

Vocabulary: To know a lot of words and their correct usage, or simply to know a lot of words, to heck with whether or not they are used correctly

Metonymy: a figure of speech that consists of the use of the name of one object or concept for that of another to which it is related, such as strong drink, dead drunk, etc, and a fine piece of vocabulary!

Amalgamate:

[YesNo]

Amalgamate: To bring a bunch of stuff together like all the a’s in this word.

Best man:

[Pendragon]

Best man: The embarrassing drunk guy at your wedding reception who may or may not still be your good friend the next day!

Legal:

[mona amon]

Legal: Any type of lying, cheating or swindling actions that your lawyer says you can get away with.

Cynic:

[YesNo]

Cynic: A critic in a bad mood.

Critic:

[North Star]

Critic: A Cretan who finds living there repulsive.

Cyrillic:

[Pendragon]

Cyrillic: noting or pertaining to a script derived from Greek uncials and traditionally supposed to have been invented by St. Cyril, for the writing of Russian, Bulgarian, Serbian, and some non-Slavic languages of Central Asia. As I cannot read any of them, they are all Greek to me!

Politically Correct:

[mona amon]

Politically Correct: Not being able to call a spade a spade, let alone an effing shovel.

Sense of humor:

[Pendragon]

Sense of humor: A rarity, although they used to be quite common, sarcastic wit being one of the species of a sense of humor I dearly loved. Nowadays, when you have be so careful about saying ANYTHING, a sense of humor is not given the hilarity it deserves...

Speech Police:

[Pompey Bum]

Politically Correct: Not being able to call a spade a spade, let alone an effing shovel.

:lol:


Speech Police:

You mean speech paternalistic oppressor, hater.

Speech

[YesNo]

Speech: What one’s mouth does when it’s running.

Speech Police: The dog catchers paid to chase running mouths.

Mouth:

[Pompey Bum]

Mouth: the way the English write moth.

Cocoon

[YesNo]

Cocoon: A privacy covering used by some insects to hide their metamorphoses.

Snarky:

[Calidore]

Snarky: Lewis Carroll's attitude while hunting

Attitude

[Iain Sparrow]

Attitude: Once you've figured out your latitude and longitude, you know exactly where you're attitude.

Atlas:

[Pendragon]

Atlas: The guy back in ancient times who literally had the world on his shoulders

@Pompey Bum: Me a hater? Mais non, ami!

Text Message:

[mona amon]

txt msg: gr8 new literary form using abbreviations, emoticons, acronyms, lack of punctuation and most important, brevity and economy of style.

Abbreviation:

[YesNo]

Abbreviation: A shorter way of saying something that didn’t need to be said at all.

Dearly Beloved:

[Pendragon]

Dearly Beloved: Phase uttered by the person officiating at a wedding to add the pretense that everyone there is actually held in high esteem, even the third cousins twice removed that showed up drunk and without an invitation and have the bride gripping her bouquet tight enough to make her fingers white

Ring Bearer: (Please not Bilbo, Frodo, or Sam!)

[YesNo]

Ring Bearer: Besides Frodo, this is usually a young boy, about the size of Frodo, who carries the rings for the bride and groom on a white cushion marching up the aisle after them and since one can’t trust such children with real rings, let alone the one that rules them all, they are often fake but the kids don’t know it and for those couples who postpone weddings until the very last minute this could be by the time they get around to it one of their own children.

Flower girl:

[Pendragon]

Flower girl: Cute little girl who litters the aisle with flower petals before the bride enters. Also the precocious little imp who gets into a pushing contest with the ring bearer during photos of the wedding

Matron of Honor:

[Calidore]

Matron of Honor: The woman who stands up for the bride when she can't get one Maid to order.

Groomsman

[YesNo]

Groomsman: On the the groom’s male attendants at a wedding who make sure the bride doesn’t pull a fast one.

Pull a fast one:

[North Star]

Pull a fast one: It happens to all men occasionally and is nothing to worry about.

trump:

[Pompey Bum]

Trump: The power of doing business in the right suit.

Loch Ness monster

[YesNo]

Loch Ness monster: A beloved sea monster who hasn’t harmed anyone since first being reported.

Unicorn:

[Pompey Bum]

Loch Ness monster: A beloved sea monster who hasn’t harmed anyone since first being reported.

Are you sure that's not Cecil and Beanie? ;-)

Loch Ness monster: the fake in the lake.

Unicorn: a creature only seen in the company of virgins, which has got to tell you something about the prevalence of virginity..

Dionysus

[Pendragon]

Loch Ness monster: the fake in the lake.

Good one, Pompey! :D

Dionysus: The God of Wine and Drunkenness, worshiped everywhere in pubs, gin-joints, bars, nightclubs, beer joints, many restaurants (some of extreme high quality!) or at home with the TV and a six-pack.

Ghost:

[Pompey Bum]

Ghost: a psychic phenomenon remarkably like a shadow except that it doesn't exist.

Ouija board

[Pendragon]

Ouija board: Marketed as a "game" this innocent seeming parlor trick has been known to cause bad things, even if they are only in the mind of the person that suffers. The old saying is: "Call up no more devils than you are able to put back down." Trying to contact the dead or other spirits is frankly stupid, and best left alone.

Medium:

[YesNo]

Medium: What the ether was supposed to be until they figured it couldn’t be there and went back to the drawing board.

Scat (as in bear scat or wood ape scat or Bigfoot scat):

[Pendragon]

Scat: Feces of some animal you are trying to track or hunt. It is also known as "sign:" as in "I saw some deer sign in that clearing over 'cross the creek." If you step in it, it is called "cutting your foot" and means you will be laughed right out of hunting camp!

Spoor:

[YesNo]

Spoor: Evidence left by something you have been hunting, and perhaps getting excited by chasing, but which you can’t yet get your hands on. The next best thing to a bird in the hand.

Dark matter:

[Pendragon]

Dark matter: a hypothetical form of matter invisible to electromagnetic radiation, postulated to account for gravitational forces observed in the universe. To put it in layman's terms: "An intelligent sounding excuse for why something happens when you do not have a clue."

Theory:

[YesNo]

Theory: What you can rely on when practice isn’t working.

Gonna Get Ya:

[Pendragon]

Gonna Get Ya: Threat uttered by those too weak or too scared to take one on at the moment. Unfortunately, nowadays, they often follow through with a loaded gun...

Road Rage:

[YesNo]

Road Rage: An over-exercising of the mouth and the middle fingers temporarily forgetting that one is driving a vehicle and perhaps miscalculating that the guy who is being so annoying also forget to bring his favorite weapon along.

Market crash:

[Pendragon]

Market crash: Things that have caused my wife's 401K investment package to loose $2,000 so far. So China is devaluing their money. It would affect less Americans if the greed of the 1% hadn't shipped a lot of our jobs over there...

Self-fulfilling Prophecy:

[Calidore]

Market crash: An accident in a mall parking lot.

Correction:

[Dark Muse]

Market crash: Things that have caused my wife's 401K investment package to loose $2,000 so far. So China is devaluing their money. It would affect less Americans if the greed of the 1% hadn't shipped a lot of our jobs over there...

Self-fulfilling Prophecy:

Self-fulfilling Prophecy: Me predicting that I am going to eat ice cream, and then opening the freezer to get some.

Meditation

[YesNo]

Correction:
1) A market crash that stops at some point above zero.
2) The supposed benefit of a good butt-kicking.
3) An institution for those who thought the butt-kicking wasn't a bad idea.

Meditation: Staring at one’s navel until it falls off.

Navel:

[Pendragon]

Navel: One's belly button, the contemplation of which is supposedly very relaxing. Why it should differ from say, one's big toe, I haven't a clue.

Boisterous:

[Calidore]

Whoops, didn't mean to skip you up above, Pen.

Boisterous: A somewhat louder exuberance than girlsterous.

Filament

[YesNo]

Filament: A unnecessary, multi-syllabic word for something, and it could be anything, that seems thread-like or chain-like.

Thread:

[Pendragon]

Thread: 1) thin string used to sew with 2) Thin clues to go with 3) Thin topic to crow with

Eat crow:

[YesNo]

Eat Crow: What one should do after realizing one is wrong, but with the help of avoidance techniques most cognitive dissonance can be rationalized away thereby kicking the can down the road and giving the crow a chance to fly away.

Road:

[Pendragon]

Road: An endless black ribbon leading from nowhere to nothing with all eternity in between

Wreck:

[YesNo]

Wreck: What happens when a fast moving car meets a slow moving wall.

Greater Fool Theory:

[Pendragon]

Greater Fool Theory: The fool that thought up this theory was the greatest fool ever

Positive Identification:

[YesNo]

Positive Identification: An identification made with 100%, absolute, no-exception confidence of being accurate until other evidence pops up that positively shows it to be otherwise. For example,


There once was a positive lad
Who knew what was good; what was bad.
He could tell them apart.
He could prove he was smart,
But inside we all knew he was mad.

Confidence:

[Pendragon]

Confidence: Doubt expressed loud and firmly

Correct:

[YesNo]

Correct: A standard by which our current behavior will be judged. It is often hidden so we can’t check it like before submitting the exam at the end of the period and then we think, “Oh, yeah, we did that right, didn’t we?” Then we wonder if we really did. Then we know we didn’t. Then we figure there may be more important things to worry about.


Worry:

[Pendragon]

Worry: A totally useless occupation that never changes the situation

Stress: