Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

[Nikhar]

Heard of Devil's Dictionary? Let us create our own version of it.

I post a word. You tell us what it means. You post another word. The next person tells us what that means.

Simple? However, our task is to be original.

Example:-

School:- the place where you first got intrigued by the opposite sex.

So, word for you:-

books

[Lokasenna]

Books:- The repositories of knowledge and experience, wherein a learned man discovers the extent of his ignorance, and an ignorant man fails to discover anything.

This is a great idea for a game, Nikhar!

Pulpit:-

[Nikhar]

This is a great idea for a game, Nikhar!



Thank you Lokasenna. Partial credit goes to you. I hadn't heard of Devil's Dictionary till I read it in one of your posts today. :)

[MarkBastable]

Pulpit: a box of tricks.


Tax Return:

[Lokasenna]

Tax Return:- A concoction of lies and delusions that aptly demonstrates the general public's highest form of artistry.

Violin:-

[billl]

Violin:- The extreme in the miniaturization of a handheld, bowed string instrument, representing the endpoint in humanity's quest to produce piercing and shrill sounds from one's fingertips.

Map:-

[Pendragon]

Map-- confusing document that enables a person to get lost much more quickly

Fire

[TheFifthElement]

Fire - an abbrieviated term used to express extreme anger. Derived from a combination of '****ing' and 'ire'.

Bulbous

[MarkBastable]

Bulbous: an adjective only ever used in conjunction with the noun 'nose'. Except in pornography. Where it crops up a lot. Apparently.



Mediator:

[Lokasenna]

Mediator: A form of social parasite. As he is invariably paid by the hour, his wage is inversely proportional to his success; he has thus made a fortune from failure, and a living by strife.

Football:

[MarkBastable]

Football: War interpreted as ballet.



Kiwi fruit:

[billl]

Kiwi Fruit: a slang expression, used to refer to any successful band-aid marketing idea.

beach:

[Lokasenna]

Beach:- the final resting place of the ocean's flotsam and jetsam, and, on sunny days, also the detritus of humanity.

Opera:-

[MarkBastable]

Opera: Melodrama for snobs.


Satnav:

[sixsmith]

Opera: Melodrama for snobs.


Satnav:

Satnav: An abbreviation of the term 'Satan's Navel'. Often employed to describe a person's anus and/or sphincter.

Forage:

[Lokasenna]

Forage:- To pilfer nature's bounty in a quaint and rustic way.

Comedian:-

[Nikhar]

Comedian:- The guy who hides his tears behind others' smile.

Gossip:-

[hoope]

Gossip: The useless talk ..

Hope

[MarkBastable]

Hope : it springs eternal. Like herpes.



Facebook:

[Nikhar]

Hope:- something you could only hope for

Edit:- Sorry seems I was late.

Facebook:-

Facebook:- Conspiracy to diminish the effect of myspace and hi5.

Heart:-

[hoope]

Heart : what makes us feel :)

Faith :-

[Olga4real]

Faith is a belief in the existence of mirage.

Anatomy:-

[hoope]

Anatomy ; inside of the things :P

FLYING :-

[Olga4real]

Continuous fluid

AQUARELLE:-

[MarkBastable]

Continuous fluid

AQUARELLE:-

Okay. I just flatlined.

What happened there?

[billl]

aquarelle: An argument between Francophiles.

sofa:

[Lokasenna]

Sofa:- A machine of the devil, whereupon the weak human soul falls prey to the soft cushions of temptation and sloth.

President:-

[MarkBastable]

President: A relatively brief pupation stage on the way to becoming a top-dollar after-dinner speaker.


California

[sixsmith]

California: A fictional state ruled by a guy who lifts heavy things for no apparent reason.

Paradigm:

[dafydd manton]

An Australian paratrooper

Aardvark

[Paulclem]

Aardvark - very strong dutch houseboat.

croissant

[Lokasenna]

Croissant:- A dry, air-filled, uninteresting and tasteless lump of greasy dough; understandably thus a national delicacy of the French, and an excellent ambassador of their culture.

Purgatory:-

[kasie]

Purgatory: - where you go when you've o/d'd on laxatives.

Dentist: -

[dafydd manton]

A sadist in a brand new BMW

Tree Surgeon

[Dodo25]

Tree Surgeon:- The one whose response to 'if a tree falls in a forest, and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?' is crying.

Model:-

[Lokasenna]

Model:- In technological terms (such as cars and computers), a method of distinguishing between two items which otherwise differ only by price.

Teabag:-

[Paulclem]

Teabag - a mesh restraint for wayward leaves

cummerbund

[dafydd manton]

A German federation for portly gentlemen


Olfactory

[Dodo25]

Olfactory:- Whatever drove Jean-Baptiste Grenouille to insanity.

Jerusalem:-

[dafydd manton]

Jerusalem:- Ancient Hebrew word for "War Zone". Home of the Prince of Peace.

Ostrich

[Dodo25]

Ostrich:-
1) Largest living dinosaur.
2) Original home of the Terminator.

Complacency:-

[dafydd manton]

Complacency:- A small lake in Berlin adjoining the Glienicker See.

Clutch

[Paulclem]

Clutch - pedal operated defensive grasp

rivulet

[dafydd manton]

Rivulet. The very small metals screws that hold toy aeroplanes together.

Bier

[Dodo25]

Bier:- Is to 'soccer match' like 'popcorn' to 'movie theatre'.

Lost:-

[dafydd manton]

Lost:- The paradise you haven't got when you didn't win at poker with Milton.

Thorax

[Dodo25]

Thorax:- The king of gods' new weapon after he ran out of nails.

Runner-up:-

[Paulclem]

Runner - up - the loser you feel sorry for.

Mall

[Dodo25]

Mall:- The epitome of comfort to the priviledged, as well as incomprehensible horror to the starving in third world countires.

Gideon Bible:-

[dafydd manton]

Scripture for horses.

Transistor

[MarkBastable]

Transistor: Female sibling who'd rather be male sibling.



Palimpsest

[dafydd manton]

Making one of our friends a member of the family, by hidden means.

Rhododendron.

[hoope]

Making one of our friends a member of the family, by hidden means.

Rhododendron.

a fairy like tinkelbell :D


Suctioning :-

[RaoulDuke]

Rhododendron - A Welsh killer robot that will one day take over the world and enslave humanity.

E: Too late!

Suctioning - A word dreamt up by James Dyson that officially tipped him from "mildly odd" to "Bat S*** insane"!

Trousers.

[billl]

Trousers:- People who professionally locate underground water by holding bits of a branch in each hand and their mouth.

Fondue:-

[MarkBastable]

Trousers: Garment in which a chap keeps his valuables.

Damn, too late....

Fondue: Neither good food nor good entertainment. The death of a dinner party.

Pantechnicon

[Nikhar]

Pantechnicon :- A vehicle used for travel and sight seeing by inanimate objects.

Apparent:-

[Olga4real]

Apparent - is a part-time parent who appears from time to time.

Porthole:-

[MarkBastable]

Porthole: An aperture too small to allow light in, but large enough to convince low-budget passengers that they have a cabin with a view.


Tenacity

[sixsmith]

Tenacity: A quality found almost exclusively in people without talent.

Arbitrary:

[MarkBastable]

Arbitrary: Adjective pertaining to the criteria for the award of a prize you didn't win.


Platypus:

[Nikhar]

Platypus: Outcast Mammals.

Coprophagous:

[dafydd manton]

Coprophagous:- English slang for a policeman taking a smoke break.

Liturgical

[Lokasenna]

Liturgical:- A process by which the orator conveys not only the knowledge of hell to the listener, but also a measure of the sentiment and experience of the place.

Legend:-

[hoope]

Legend : which that lives forever.. and has teh effect on other and tomorrow .

Arise :-

[dafydd manton]

What Omar Khayyam hoped for when his Rubayyat got in the shops.

Lambast

[MarkBastable]

Lambast: the gravy you periodically pour over mutton as it's cooking.



Perfume

[dafydd manton]

Perfume:- To make small holes in a body before digging it up.

Grandeur

[Nikhar]

Perfume:- something that would make a dwarf smell nice.

Sterling:-

[dafydd manton]

A word describing the qualities of Moss

Clockwork

[MarkBastable]

Clockwork: a combination of ingenuity and engineering which, whilst effective in the short term, is entirely reliant for continued success on the conscientious attention and contribution of human beings. Hence its metaphorical use in expressions such as 'the deep water drilling is going like clockwork'.


Hobby

[RaoulDuke]

Hobby - the name of the inventor who thought a horse's head on a stick would make a suitable children's toy.

Indecisive

[dafydd manton]

Indecisive:- A word that my or may not have a definition, I think, but I'm not sure.

Combination

[Paulclem]

Combination - a country made up of several races.

participant

[dafydd manton]

Someone who takes part in a golf tournament because he feels he is the equal of the others in the same tournament.

Slum

[Paulclem]

Slum - verb - the state of being between standing and flat out on the sofa.

morgue

[Olga4real]

Morgue: a hot strong drink, made of grounded black seeds, drunk in the early hours of the day.

Plausibility:-

[dafydd manton]

The state of having, owning, operating for a third party or renting plaws, these being the sharpened toe-nails of Japanese macaque monkeys.

boxing

[aliengirl]

boxing - fighting without any weapon which results in broken teeth and black eyes, though it is also called a sport.

Face painting -

[aravind nair]

Face painting:- any painting, sketch, drawing, doodle or otherwise work of art that features the artists own visage done in as little likeliness as artistically possible and yet maintaining a distinct resemblance.

ambulance:-

[billl]

ambulance: a particularly luxurious method of transport by which one is unexpectedly and unfortunately treated to an exceeding amount of care and amenities.

juggler:

[dafydd manton]

Alternative name for an accountant, often referring to those who reside at Her Majesty's Pleasure.

Amnesia

[Paulclem]

Amnesia - the sweet to follow the God's Ambrosia course.

Griddle

[dafydd manton]

Griddle; what faces a lion when it is deciding whether to eat you raw or barbecued.

Peanut.

[MarkBastable]

Peanut: To a large minority of the population, the peanut, apparently, is by far the most deadly comestible to be found in the supermarket aisles. However, given that the allergy to peanuts seems to have gone unidentified until about 1989, one wonders how anyone susceptible ever got old enough to pass on the gene for it.


Cruise Liner

[dafydd manton]

Cruise Liner; An expensive hotel where the management make greater profits than on land by virtue of the fact that most people either park lunch over the side, or refuse to eat for days on end, to save the aforegoing, thus obviating the necessity to cook things.

Underpants

[The Comedian]

Underpants? Garments worn by kids, prudes, and sissies.

Dungeons & Dragons

[dafydd manton]

A fate that should be reserved for anybody who writes or reads Mills And Boon.

Yew

[Pendragon]

Hillbillies use this archaic term to refer to people they do not yet know the names of, such as trespassers.

Ex: "Yew git yer durn-fool feet offen mah land, yew @#??*&!"

Charity

[Pendragon]

Liturgical:- A process by which the orator conveys not only the knowledge of hell to the listener, but also a measure of the sentiment and experience of the place.


This one was priceless! :lol:

[dafydd manton]

Charity: a system whereby pop stars can raise both lots of money and their personal profile, although it is a moot point as to which was their original aim.

Faith

[Lokasenna]

Faith:- A word used to charitably observe acts of gullibility, stupidity and madness.

Fun

[dafydd manton]

Fun: See Faith

Colliery

[Paulclem]

Colliery - a breeding farm for sheepdogs

lambast

[dafydd manton]

To smother a young sheep with hot fat.

registration

[Paulclem]

Registration - the emasculation of men called Reg

flambe

[sixsmith]

Flambe: French phlegm.

Docile:

[Nikhar]

Docile :- Doughnut-Micile :goof:

Lol...sorry for ruining this. :D

So, the next one can also take Docile.

[Pendragon]

Docile: The state of not having enough backbone to stand up for oneself.

Marriage

[dafydd manton]

Marriage: A system whereby a man has his nerves taken out, without anaesthetic. See Docile.

Tricycle

[MarkBastable]

Tricycle: The tricycle is the Anglican Church of personal transport. It's stable enough to mitigate risk, and reliable enough to get you to your intended destination, but only a three-year-old would consider it an exciting ride.


Pizza

[dafydd manton]

Abbr. Italian. "A Piece of......"

palimpsest

[MarkBastable]

Abbr. Italian. "A Piece of......"

palimpsest

We've done palimpsest. Pour another glass and think again.

[dafydd manton]

We've done palimpsest. Pour another glass and think again.

Ooops!! My most humble apologies. Senior Moment!

Carthage

[Pendragon]

Carthage: City named after a reference to tissue that is neither muscle nor bone but some strange amalgam of the two, and keeping the two tied together like a man with a ball-and-chain

Death Penalty

[dafydd manton]

A form of punishment that absolves the legal system of any responsibility, since The Accused finds it extraordinarily difficult to complain after the event.

Testament

[Lokasenna]

Testament:- a word meaning truth, often applied to mindless superstition and unprovable fancy.

Gourmet:

[dafydd manton]

The name of a small plasticine dog, owned by a strange Northern type called Wallace.

dribble

[RaoulDuke]

Dribble - a verb used by football commentators upon observing infantile behaviour by players, including, but not limited to: tantrums, tears and unintential relinquishing of bodily fluids.

Serious -

[dafydd manton]

The sequential showing of 13 or more television programmes, each one following on from the last, albeit loosely. Some seriouses have been known to last for years. See Dallas, Coronation Street, Brain Death.

Nostalgia

[Paulclem]

Nostalgia - neuralgia of the nose

feckless

[dafydd manton]

Death penalty - the penalty taken against the world's best goalie in the penalty shootout for the world cup when you've got a bad leg...

piecemeal

Don't want to worry you, me old, but we did that one a bit ago.

However...piecemeal. The amount paid to a jobbing cook.

[dafydd manton]

Nostalgia - neuralgia of the nose

feckless

Modesty, and a slight knowledge of Irish comedians, forbids.....

[Paulclem]

Don't want to worry you, me old, but we did that one a bit ago.

However...piecemeal. The amount paid to a jobbing cook.

Sorry Dafyd - I must have missed it. I've edited it out.

[dafydd manton]

Cheers! Care to give us another word to bang on with? Ta!

[Pendragon]

How about:

Election

[dafydd manton]

The process of plugging those who deserve it in to the mains.

Hickory

[ennison]

hickory - the quality of unstrained loutishness. (noun abstract)
hickory - the sound made by a clock that has swallowed a mouse. compare hickoried and hickorise

Dawkinesque

[dafydd manton]

The state of bing rude about anyone that does not agree with your opinions, regardless of what they might be. Also, to stare mindlessly at people on public transport. See dawk, dawking, dawkishness, en-dawked.

Lithograph

[ennison]

Lithograph - a drawing of a very adaptable lady

bounty

[dafydd manton]

The favourite confection of Fletcher Christian, before being abandoned on Pitcairn Island, where chocolate is unknown.

Anorak

[sixsmith]

Anorak: A large, flightless fish found in the swamps of West Mongolia.

Penumbra:

[dafydd manton]

A large, cumbersome device for keeping the sunlight off your quill, thus preventing the ink fading.

Paradiddle

[MarkBastable]

Paradiddle; the only thing non-drummers know about drumming, which is why actual drummers find it impossible to conduct a conversation with a stranger at a party without the word coming up.

Goulash

[Lokasenna]

Goulash:- A particular kind of European delicacy, involving the mixture of dubious governments, inconvenient governments, and hefty pinch of debt to season, all thourghly stewed.

Pederast:

[dafydd manton]

A two wheeled conveyance much favoured by university students, thus leaving more money for booze.

telegraphist

[RaoulDuke]

Telegraphist - one who swears loyalty to a particular daily broadsheet newspaper, and who will often peer dissaprovingly over the frames of horn-rimmed glasses and any commuter caught cowering behind another brand of newspaper. See also: Mailite, Sun-troll, Guardianista.

Fugacious.

[NikolaiI]

One who is voracious with figs and tenacious with pugs.

Eclectic

[dafydd manton]

That which is produced by power stations in cheap Chinese dramas

Impertinent

[NikolaiI]

An unusually impish tenant.

Imperious

[aliengirl]

Imperious: An arrogant imp. (lol)

Simplicity

[NikolaiI]

A city full of simps (simpletons). :)

Felicity

[dafydd manton]

To bomb an urban conurbation, thus call it to fall, lit. or fig.

Mendacious

[NikolaiI]

The state of being really intent on mending things.

Equilibrium

[dafydd manton]

A self-levelling chemical.

restraint

[Pendragon]

restraint a manifestly horrible impulse to think before you speak instead of really saying what's on your mind

Trial by Peers

[billl]

Trial by Peers:- negative glances imposed by those who had been supportive and chummy moments earlier.

equalizer:-

[dafydd manton]

A Smith and Wesson.

Didgeridoo

[Pendragon]

Didgeridoo Apparently this term came about through the inability of people to correctly pronounce "Did you do." Often screamed by irate parents at adolescent children, usually followed by some sort of crime being listed, and a punishment being formulated.

Passion

[dafydd manton]

An adjective applied to certain fruit, once thought to have aphrodisiac properties.

Tram

[aliengirl]

Tram: A combination of a truck and a pram.

Homework

[dafydd manton]

That which gets blown off desks by freak gusts of wind, gets eaten by the dog or magically disappears from inside a fastened school bag. Do not try and fool a teacher - he/she tried the same ploy long ago. This is known as survival of the fittest.

Pterodactyl

[RaoulDuke]

Pterodactyl - archaic form of mouthwash used by first humans.

Curlicue -

[dafydd manton]

A device for playing Pool or Snooker shots round corners.

Wesleyan

[The Comedian]

A church devoted to one of Harry Potter's lackeys.

Landscaping

[MarkBastable]

Landscaping: An endeavour which, when undertaken by Man in an attempt to modify the work of God (consider Capability Brown, Le Notre, Farrand), is considered an Artform. When undertaken by God in an attempt to modify the work of Man (consider Katrina, San Andreas, Vesuvius), it is considered a Disaster. Thus may we divine Man's opinion of the handiwork of God.


Breakfast

[dafydd manton]

A repast which is enjoyed by two classes of people - those who eat muesli and yoghurt, and the more enlightened who enjoy bacon, egg, sausage, mushroom, fried potatoes, baked beans, toast, butter, marmalade and several cups of something hot and sweet. Note the use of the verb "enjoy".

constrict

[Pendragon]

constrict A technique used by wardens of prisons to weed out the extremely rowdy and dangerous prisoners by taking away such privileges as cigarettes and color TV.

Vanity

[Nikhar]

Vanity:- the thing that often walks with people who think they are beautiful and rich. Also, occasionally, a trait of dumb people.

Devil's Dictionary-

[dafydd manton]

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

shrike

[giventofly]

A very, very quiet bicycle... shhhhhhhhhhhh!


calamity

[ennison]

calamity- An English football supporters reaction to being told other countries have national teams as good as his. "Calamity calamity calamity!"

SOLIFLUCTION

[dafydd manton]

What Japanese people are told to do by English football fans when the Nipponese team wins.

Genuflect

[MarkBastable]

Genuflect - a Latin-rooted term that Catholics and royalists use to describe the ritual of voluntary self-abasement that the rest of us would call blatant sucking-up


constabulary

[sixsmith]

Constabulary - The name given to the fictional vigilante posse that features in P.G Wodehouse's unpublished and profanity laden graphic novel, 'The Third Exfoliation of Reginald Antrim Jeeves'

Caveat:

[billl]

Caveat: A pinprick jewel of distinction awarded to one who proves exceptional in an important way.

Consolation:

[sixsmith]

Consolation - A group of stars that provide solace and comfort after a loss.

Divinity:

[dafydd manton]

A Doctorate awarded, largely to men, whose behaviour is anything but divine.

aspirin

[MarkBastable]

aspirin - a highly-effective analgesic derived from the bark of the willow, which unlikely provenance is cited as an exemplar of Mother Nature's munificence by any charlatan attempting to sell goat dung as a remedy for athlete's foot or blackberry leaf tea as a cure for cancer


Wimbledon

[sixsmith]

Wimbledon: Some place in England. Once home to the Wombles and Schopenhauer.

Deconstructionism:

[ennison]

Modern military term: To bomb into heaps of rubble what it took heaps of men heaps of time to build.

Indigestible

[dafydd manton]

Any foodstuff that will not pass easily through the digestive tract without the aid of a decent Scotch, or any old brandy. A plausible excuse for cirrhosis.

Oxymoron

[Pendragon]

Oxymoron An honest politician

Word

[ennison]

Word - The living proof of life

Liver

[Pendragon]

Liver An organ of the body designed to filter posions, and often served in the case of pig or beef liver with onions, making starvation look like the easy way out...


Computer

[MarkBastable]

Computer - a device which those who revile it use to broadcast their estimation of how much better life was before it



marmalade

[dafydd manton]

What happened to Queen Victoria.

Semaphore

[ennison]

Marmalade - An "English" word made in Spain from a fruit that cannot be grown in England.
Spaghetti

[Ruminate]

This is a fantastic game-Loksenna and Mark, you guys have me laughing all the way across the Atlantic!

Marmalade - A lazy jam maker's very successful deception

Purse

[ennison]

Semaphore - The speed at which I operate my computer so that Daffyd's definition of marmalade speeds through the ether at a speed faster than semaphore.

Spaghetti

[ennison]

gee I'm caught in a semaphoric cycle!

Purse Coin container the right size for the fist of one's offsprogs.

Consternation

[dafydd manton]

A very serious way of looking at the stars.

Pedigree

[ennison]

What a poverty struck arist-o-crat lives on when there's no more Purina

Ambitextrous

Yep sic

[dafydd manton]

The ability to press the "t" key with either hand.

garnet

[ennison]

Garnet - a small child from Yorkshire or thereabouts Diminutive of Garn - his parent.

miscegnation

[Nikhar]

This is a fantastic game-Loksenna and Mark, you guys have me laughing all the way across the Atlantic!


And no credit goes to the guy who began the game. :p

[dafydd manton]

Any country that does not have beer in big metal barrels.

Folk-music

[Paulclem]

Any country that does not have beer in big metal barrels.

Folk-music

Folk music - music that other folk listen to.

ruminate

[giventofly]

Ruminate -- To take a long, relaxing soak in a tub of rum.

extrapolate

[Ruminate]

Sorry Nikhar, I must have stumbled into the middle of this! Nice to meet you -all credit to the original genius :)

Have to say, I like the definition of my namesake!

Extrapolate - An embarassed explanation detailing the reason the birthday/anniversary/wedding present showed up two weeks after the fact

Boron

[billl]

Boron is the chemical element with atomic number 5 and the chemical symbol B. Boron is a trivalent metalloid element which occurs abundantly in the blah, blah, blah...

Hydrocarbon:

[Nikhar]

Hydrocarbon:- A huge set of compounds made of hydrogen and carbon only, which saturates a student in confusion (methyl?methyne?), and makes him unsaturated of marks.

Honor Killing:-

[Pendragon]

Honor Killing Situation which occurs when one's pride is greater than the value of a human life; the road to dishonor paved with the blood of innocents

Gelding

[dafydd manton]

A process where expensive bits of horse are removed and served in a restaurant for an exorbitant price, to the detriment of the genus equus.

Gourmand

[Pendragon]

Gourmand
A food snob who apparently knows a great deal about the subject, but actually is merely a person with an eating disorder--they would swallow live flies if someone informed that they tasted heavenly

Hell

[MarkBastable]

Hell - long-term accommodation provided by a landlord who's the eviller of two lessors.


Bungee-jumping

[dafydd manton]

An extreme sport involving copious quantities of gravity. Like most modern phenomena, it has its ups and downs.

Buffet

[giventofly]

Buffet - Predisposed to wearing Hawaiian shirts and drinking fruity frozen drinks.

yo-yo

[dafydd manton]

The name of a Japanese violinist who is better known for her musical prowess than controlling a couple of pieces of wood that travel up and down a piece of string.

pageant

[MarkBastable]

.......come on. That pun for 'hell' was so satisfying, I may never write again.

But as I'm here...

pageant: in Europe, a formal display intended as a celebration of tradition, triumph or social coherence. In America, a bunch of buxom young women in bikinis. Take your pick. I know which I prefer.


situation comedy

[Nikhar]

.......come on. That pun for 'hell' was so satisfying, I may never write again.


It was indeed awesummm. :nod::smile5:

[Pendragon]

situation comedy Comedy suited to the situation, i.e., there's nothing else to watch on TV at the moment, and you have ran out of good DVD's. The situation comedy lives on a diet of bored watchers and canned laughter, a deadly combination that tends to liquefy brains

Facts

[Whistle]

Stuff that you should know/must know/want to know.

A bar

[dafydd manton]

.......come on. That pun for 'hell' was so satisfying, I may never write again.

But as I'm here...

pageant: in Europe, a formal display intended as a celebration of tradition, triumph or social coherence. In America, a bunch of buxom young women in bikinis. Take your pick. I know which I prefer.


situation comedy

Frankly, it was so good it left me breathless. I wish I'd said that. (You will, Oscar, you will.....)

[dafydd manton]

A bar - a piece of metal, curved in shape and used to break in to pubs when they are closed.

siesta

[Lokasenna]

Siesta - socially sanctioned laziness amongst some greasy Europeans.

Bodybuilding:-

[Ruminate]

Bodybuilding - What a mad scientist does

Editor

[dafydd manton]

A man who thinks he knows more about what you are thinking than you thought you did. I think.

Translator

[Pendragon]

Translator A person who is well versed in confusing people in more than one language

Charity

[sixsmith]

Charity: An elaborate system of disingenuous self-flagellation designed to assuage middle-class guilt and promote aesthetically degenerate pop albums.

Commerce:

[MarkBastable]

Commerce: A universal human endeavour which is the practical representation of a Zen paradox.

Those who know nothing of commerce perceive it to be a very simple proposition in principle.

Those who are involved in commerce at a workaday level - which is ninety percent of the human race - consider it a hugely complex and unpredictable environment in which myriad unknowable ebbs and flows might render incomprehensibly futile any attempted analysis of the action of an arcane system which is apparently capricious and demonstrably beyond the wit of man to encompass.

And those invisible few who understand commerce at the highest level know it to be a very simple proposition in principle.


If you think that this definition is an oversimplification of the truth, you're one of the ninety percent.

If you think that it's about right, you're in the first group, because if you were in the third group you'd have had me quietly disposed of before I even got to the end of the senten

[prendrelemick]

Senten

what happens to a message before its gotten.

perspicuity.

[dafydd manton]

That quality whih is necessary to understand Mark's last post, and which I patently do not possess.

Communist

[Tarvaa]

Communist - a magazine or newspaper writer who can't spell.

ideology

[prendrelemick]

The study of how to remain hidden, as demonstrated by the silent and invisable "H".


Gonads

[MarkBastable]

Communist: A proponent of Communism, which is a really clever idea for a political system that gets terrible press because the first major attempt at it was such a disaster. This is a bit like being against skyscrapers because Babel was an almighty f***-up.


Oh, hang on....


Gonads: What separates the men from the boys. And, actually, from the girls.


Scrabble

[prendrelemick]

Onomatopoeiaic word for the sound of a rabble of scarabs on tiles. Or Countdown without Carol Vordemann.

substitute.

[ennison]

substitute - euphemism for second-best


Flocculate

[prendrelemick]

where particles behave like sheep.


Render

[ennison]

render - Genetically improved power source for sleigh. Developed in the Centre For Vowel Reduction. An EEC backed initiative to enable Abkazia to feel it belongs in the European "Union"

Flippancy

[MarkBastable]

Flippancy: the art of divining the future by tossing a coin.


-------------------------

Fionn gazed at Mason thoughtfully. “Would you describe y’self as a rationalist, Mason?” he asked. “D’ye like things to be explicable in terms of known and observable phenomena?”

Mason nodded.

“Then try lookin’ at it this way.” As he was speaking, Fionn got up and set about making a pot of tea. “Have y’ever been in the position where y’ve got a choice of a coupla things to do? Fr’instance, let’s say that this evening ye can either go fer a beer with y’girl, or pass a few hours playin’ cards with the lads. Would y’recognise such a dilemma?”

“Spose so,” Mason admitted.

“An’ yer really not sure which it is ye want to do, let’s say? Would y’not decide that ye’ll settle it on the toss of a coin, now?”

“Might do.”

“So, we’ll say heads fer the drink with a young one, and tails the poker game. Would y’toss a coin, please, Elvis?” Fionn instructed, as he took three mugs from a cupboard.

Elvis flipped a penny, and smacked it to the table. “Tails,” he announced.

“The poker game,” Fionn nodded, bringing a laden tea tray to the table. “There’s y’decision, Mason.”

“Can’t we make it best-of-three?” Mason asked, realizing, now that he was faced with the imaginary prospect of letting some woman down, that he didn’t want to play cards at all.

Fionn clapped his hands and grinned. “Aha! There y'go." He poured the tea. “This simple little binary chance has shown yer the future, right enough. A minute ago y’didn’t know what yer were going to do, and now you do. Help y’self t’milk.”

---------------------------------


Halitosis

[dafydd manton]

A shocking disease that regrettably doesn't take the breath away.

zealot

[Pendragon]

zealot Someone who is immensely devoted to a cause other than the one you support, usually used in a derogatory manner preceded by a vulgar adjective

Doctor

I see that Mark has probably read the original Devil's Dictionary, a copy of which stands in honor on my shelves. He has taken up Bierce's casual throwing in of poetry and prose

[dafydd manton]

I feel unabashed, a word meaning that I haven't been smacked in the mouth yet!

A man who can understand a dead language and thus confuse the proletariat into thinking that he knows what's going on, and can thus cure it.

dreadlocks

[sixsmith]

Dreadlocks: A disease of the hair caused by poor hygiene, poor taste in music, or a combination of the two.

Narcissism:

[dafydd manton]

The ability to think that you look like a yellow flower, and that it suits you.

Irrational

[MarkBastable]

Irrational: displaying willful refusal to agree with me. (See spouse)


penultimate

[dafydd manton]

The best female swan in the house

Grimace

[Scheherazade]

Grimace: What I have on my face at the moment.

Grumpy

[Pendragon]

Grumpy Possessing a normal viewpoint on life instead of the rose-colored glasses that make one see better things down the line

Royality

[dafydd manton]

Royalty; That which is paid to writers, musicians etc, and which is usually somewhat less that royal.

Barbecue

[NikolaiI]

A cueball that tends to tear up the felt.

Intelligence

[dafydd manton]

Part of an oxymoron, to whit, "Military Intelligence".

Xenophobic

[Lokasenna]

Intelligence: A mythical human quality that, like the Yeti or Loch Ness Monster, many aver exists, but for which no proof may be found, no matter how long or hard one searches the wildernesses.

Anthology:-

{edit} - whoops! Dafydd beat me to it. Just ignore this one!

[dafydd manton]

The study of those people who cannot prounce the name Anthony without making the "t" sound like the have a lithp.

Predetermine

[Nikhar]

Predetermine:- lay wager...where both parties involved are you yourself...

betcher:-


Flippancy
-------------------------

Fionn gazed at Mason thoughtfully. “Would you describe y’self as a rationalist, Mason?” he asked. “D’ye like things to be explicable in terms of known and observable phenomena?”

Mason nodded.

“Then try lookin’ at it this way.” As he was speaking, Fionn got up and set about making a pot of tea. “Have y’ever been in the position where y’ve got a choice of a coupla things to do? Fr’instance, let’s say that this evening ye can either go fer a beer with y’girl, or pass a few hours playin’ cards with the lads. Would y’recognise such a dilemma?”

“Spose so,” Mason admitted.

“An’ yer really not sure which it is ye want to do, let’s say? Would y’not decide that ye’ll settle it on the toss of a coin, now?”

“Might do.”

“So, we’ll say heads fer the drink with a young one, and tails the poker game. Would y’toss a coin, please, Elvis?” Fionn instructed, as he took three mugs from a cupboard.

Elvis flipped a penny, and smacked it to the table. “Tails,” he announced.

“The poker game,” Fionn nodded, bringing a laden tea tray to the table. “There’s y’decision, Mason.”

“Can’t we make it best-of-three?” Mason asked, realizing, now that he was faced with the imaginary prospect of letting some woman down, that he didn’t want to play cards at all.

Fionn clapped his hands and grinned. “Aha! There y'go." He poured the tea. “This simple little binary chance has shown yer the future, right enough. A minute ago y’didn’t know what yer were going to do, and now you do. Help y’self t’milk.”

---------------------------------


liked this a lot. http://online-literature.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

[dafydd manton]

Betcher: a foreshortened English poet (1906 - 1984)

Simpleton

[Astromaxis]

Nikhar what does the original word "betcher" mean?

Simpleton - one who simply knows that the universe is a crossword game.

[dafydd manton]

Can we have a fresh word, please, Astromix? Thanks

[Astromaxis]

Diadem:

[Lokasenna]

Diadem:- A pretty, sparkly thing adorning the head, which is used to distract from the inevitable hideousness of the visage below it.

Corpulent:-

[dafydd manton]

A word used by fat old blokes who are trying to hide the fact that they are fat old blokes.

Taxation

[Pendragon]

Taxation Ancient art of legal robbery by Governments over the people. It has been honed over the years to perfection, i.e., you never even see the money extracted by these thieves, it shows as a tantalizing line on your check stub, and consists of a goodly amount of your pay


Labor

[dafydd manton]

What women have to go into when they have a baby, e.g. wash, cook, clean, feed, was again, wash some more and so forth.

Salary

[MarkBastable]

Salary: time turned into money. Compare pension, which is money turned into time.


Elastic

[dafydd manton]

That which a banknote is made of, in that it goes further in some hands than it does in others. Or is purported to.

Anaesthetist

[Astromaxis]

Anaesthetist: a profession in which you try to blind people from the inevitable truth by dousing them with injected fainting spells.

vigilante

[RaoulDuke]

Vigilante - A crime fighting kinswoman.

Bucolic -

[MarkBastable]

Bucolic - stress-related acid indigestion that follows lunch in a country pub, two pints of cider and a brisk hike to the next town which turns out to be rather further than it looks on the map and mostly uphill along dotted paths that are actually no more the shortest distance between the gates on either side of eight acres of cowsh*t.



Picket

[Astromaxis]

Picket: sort of fences to block the imaginations of women and men who think happiness is within boundaries

voyeur:

[dafydd manton]

Somebody who peeps through port-holes

mechanic

[Astromaxis]

mechanic: a person knowing that man and machine is the marriage made in heaven

philosopher:

[dafydd manton]

Somebody who can use long words, talk for hours, make little or no sense, be able to spell Aristotle and know what Kant is!

Trademark

[Astromaxis]

Trademark: the mark of the braggart

Insomnia:

[dafydd manton]

Proof that when you said "let's sleep on it", you were lying, over which you may well lose sleep.

Bilges

[Astromaxis]

bilge: the part of you that knows you shouldn't have been a sailor

cantankerous:

[dafydd manton]

A cheap form of armour to put on any vehicle with caterpillar tracks and a gun turret. See defence cuts.

Pulchritudinous

[Astromaxis]

Pulchritudinous: You say this to your lover as a compliment after being discovered with another person
(by the way Daffyd I didn't know this before Thanks)

Chrysalis:

[dafydd manton]

An apostate form of Worship, where the flower is a god, and the clergy are called petal.

Wolverine

[Astromaxis]

Wolverine: a dish cooked to feel all stereotypically masculine. Basic ingredients: 90% adamantium steel and 10% extra hair all over the body

Carpe Diem: