Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

[mal4mac]

Oil: Irish for "I'll", for example, "Oil just be kissin' the blarney stone to get me some neat learnings for a writing of the divils dictionary"

Blarney

[mal4mac]

Zoo: A clever ruse by the members of the animal kingdom to observe humans in their urban environment while getting free room and board from them.

Zoom

[Pompey Bum]

Blarney: Fled's best friend.

Zoom: That's Zoom, Zee-Double-Oh-Em, Box 350, Boston Mass 02134!

Swordfish

[Calidore]

Zoom: That's Zoom, Zee-Double-Oh-Em, Box 350, Boston Mass 02134!

To this day, forty-some years later, I still can't see a Boston zip code without mentally singing it.

Swordfish: The method for men who think rod & line is for sissies.

Plankton

[Pendragon]

Plankton: A ton of planks, similar to "a cord of wood."

Meter:

[MystyrMystyry]

Meter The song a crocodile sings before dinner

"So long - it was so nice to meter" *


Crocodile











*This may have been misheard

[YesNo]

Crocodile: An ugly creature with a long snout, big teeth and a huge, scaly tail. Some humans, thinking they’ve tamed the beast, put their heads into its opened mouth. This behavior confuses the crocodile. Some humans leave their heads in too long.

Off the Record

[mal4mac]

Off the Record - Next morning's headline news.

Tax Haven

[Pompey Bum]

Tax haven: a colony of corporate lawyers outside New Haven.

Gastronomy

[YesNo]

Gastronomy: What happens after you eat too many beans. Like astronomy, but with more gas.

Transit of Venus

[Pendragon]

Transit of Venus: A beautiful lady in gauze who flits across a stage

Mooncalf:

[Calidore]

Mooncalf: What the cow who jumped over left behind.

Battery

[mal4mac]

A monastery of bats. All monasteries in England since Henry VIII turfed out those pesky priests :reddevil:.

chess

[YesNo]

Chess: A game that tests your intellectual capacity to focus on something irrelevant.

Baby Boomer

[mona amon]

Baby Boomer - flourishing infant

Intellectual

[mal4mac]

Intellectual - an invalid so hampered by thinking that he cannot function in the real world.

Hedonist

[Pompey Bum]

Hedonist: a fat and lonely wanker who longs in vain for a shedonist.

Stoic

[mal4mac]

Stoic: he who remains unmoved when all about him is collapsing, hence the famous line of Epicurus to Zeno, "Run you idiot!"

Shedonist: [2] Typical sub-species of suburban middle-aged male forever taking respite from family duties by indulging inane, but enjoyabe, hobbies in his garden shed. May be a simple hedonist.

Plymouth brethren

[Pompey Bum]

Evangelical Protestant civil engineers who maintained the Plymouth cistern.

Cynic

[mal4mac]

Cynic: Human beings who act like dogs, and therefore some of the best people in the world.

Cynosure

[Pompey Bum]

Cynosure: that which gains attention by provocative tail wagging

Sinecure:

[Pendragon]

Sinecure: Jobs usually reserved for sycophants...

Rhythm:

[mal4mac]

Rhythm: a method liable to failure.

Contraceptive

[Pompey Bum]

Contraceptive: Proof that 6 million years of human reproductive instinct can be taken in by 30 cents worth of extra-sheer latex.

Natural selection

[Pendragon]

Natural Selection: Extolling the perfect design of a grasshopper's leg, while at the same time denying any source of intelligent design

Agnostic:

[YesNo]

Agnostic: Someone seated in the backseat of a taxi between a theist and an atheist who has just been asked to give his opinion to settle an argument.

Rom-Com

[Dark Muse]

Rom-Com: Something which induces nausea and the desire to remove ones eyes with a spoon.

Yoga

[mona amon]

Yoga - A system of low-impact physical exercise, unless you slip and fall while doing a pose like the Garudasana, in which case it becomes high-impact.

Polygamy

[Calidore]

Polygamy: Owning multiple parrots

Deduction

[YesNo]

Deduction: What someone on a diet hopes to see after gently setting the left foot, cringing, exhaling a deep breath, and then slowly placing the right foot on the scale in the morning.

Vampire

[mal4mac]

Vampire: the anger felt towards women who use sexual attraction to exploit men.

California

[YesNo]

California: That part of the western United States destined to fall into the ocean.

Major Arcana

[Pendragon]

Major Arcana: Trumps in the deck of Tarot apparently designed at random by an drunken medium in pitch darkness

Fortune Telling:

[mal4mac]

Fortune Telling: One "Robin Hood" telling another "Robin Hood" where the investment bankers hang out.

Pendulum

[YesNo]

Pendulum: An instrument having a weight suspended by a chain that can be used to tell if your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is cheating on you. To determine this, take the pendulum by the end of the chain and steady the weight. Then ask it, “Which direction means ‘Yes’?” If it is working properly, the weight will move either forward and backward or left and right instead of aimlessly wobbling about. Once you know ‘Yes’, ask it, “Which direction means ‘No’?” If it is working properly, the weight will swing in a different direction. Finally, ask the important question: “Is my girlfriend (or boyfriend) cheating on me?” If you get the answer you want, stop bothering the pendulum and deal with the problem of your cheating girlfriend (or boyfriend). Otherwise, go for two out of three and ask it again.

Bungee Jumping

[mona amon]

Bungee Jumping - A variation of the pendulum, with a rubberized cord instead of a chain, and a reckless adrenaline junkie as the weight.

Temerarious

[Pendragon]

Temerarious : Knowing better than to do something but never able to resist the temptation

Intelligentsia:

[YesNo]

Intelligentsia: A subgroup of sheep, believed to have better brains than the others, who can be expected to repeat without questioning whatever some authority tells them thereby adding their own authority to the nonsense making it harder for the rest of us sheep to dispute it.

Spontaneous Combustion

[mal4mac]

Spontaneous Combustion - a rather extreme way for an author to get rid of an unnecessary character, and generate yet more metaphors for fog (see Bleak House by Charles Dickens)

Solaris

[YesNo]

Solaris: Solaris. Hmm. What could this mean?
(1) A unix operating system?
(2) A fictional, watery planet that is aware and watching us as we monkey with it? Gaia on steroids. I haven’t read it.
(3) A sunny place, a happy face?

Wifi

[Hawkman]

Wifi: an Internet connection that's so bad it stinks.

Clone

[mal4mac]

Solaris: the story of an ill-starred love affair between an ocean and a boy.

Clone: a lonely C - see Solaris.

Empire of the Sun

[mona amon]

Empire of the Sun - The British Empire, on which the sun never used to set.

Renaissance Man

[Hawkman]

Renaissance Man: A person who is as fascinated by the internal purple wobbly bits of living things as he is in designing weapons of mass destruction. The second interest ensures a reliable supply of fresh corpses to dissect in pursuit of first.

Glass Ceiling:

[Pendragon]

Glass Ceiling: Commonly used excuse as to why there are not more women in positions of authority in American Industry. because God forbid we say that a particular female lacks certain skills her opponent (who is male) has. If it were another woman who was promoted over this same position, the rumor would probably be that the other woman slept her way up...

Counter-productive:

[Hawkman]

Counter-productive: Militant feminism.

Masculinism:

[YesNo]

Masculinism: Proof that men aren’t any smarter than women.

Hot Yoga

[Hawkman]

A mind over matter endurance test in which the participant, who stands barefoot on a bed of hot coals, tries to convince himself that his feet are not being burned off, in spite of evidence to the contrary.

Messiah.

[mal4mac]

Messiah: God's only son, according to the followers of many different gods.

Manumission

[YesNo]

Manumission: What you can do when you can’t afford your slaves anymore and their market price is not worth the commission to sell them. In a society where slavery is banned, it is called “getting laid off”.

Your Other Left

[mona amon]

Manumission - The act of freeing something that didn't belong to you in the first place.

Edit - Your Other Left - the right hand/paw of the directionally challenged like Winnie-the-Pooh and Sigmund Freud.

Lawyer

[Pendragon]

Lawyer: A well-dressed and articulate thief, prone to obfuscate, inveigle, and confuse the issue at hand with irrelevant questions which he or she can easily withdraw when censured and people assume the jury doesn't hear it, or is going to heed the Judge's order to disregard. :angel:

Doctor:

[mona amon]

Doctor: The person to see when you have a disease. The person to sue when the disease gets the better of you.

Bardolatry

[Calidore]

Bardolatry: The worship of Brigitte Bardot.

Calligraphy

[Iain Sparrow]

Calligraphy: a form of self-important writing; suicide notes don't seem so sad when written in calligraphy.

Catawampus

[mal4mac]

Catawampus: the only animal likely to survive mankind's "custodianship" of the Earth.

Custodian

[YesNo]

Custodianship: A form of responsibility and trust limited to temporarily taking care of something for someone else, but not responsible for it being there in the first place.

Past Life Regression

[mal4mac]

Past Life Regression: Channelling your inner Neanderthal

Neanderthal

[Pendragon]

Neanderthal: The Missing Link, or perhaps just the skeleton of a man with severe arthritis, or maybe this guy in a previous life:

http://augustafreepress.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Hacksaw-Jim-Duggan.png

Evolution:

[YesNo]

Evolution: A transformation in the positive direction like going from a Neanderthal to a modern, civilized human being. The opposite, devolution, reverses the direction. This is how your boyfriend or girlfriend views what happened to you just prior to breaking up.

Ion Thruster

[Hawkman]

Ion Thruster: a term for the more aggressive female, one prone to throwing small domestic appliances at those who displease her.

Trachea

[mal4mac]

Ion Thruster - the best way to go nowhere, very slowly, at great expense.

Singularity

[Pendragon]

OK so there's two words:

Trachea: That part of the body where one hangs oneself

Singularity: Something so unique that it might not actually exist

Event Horizon:

[YesNo]

Event Horizon: A knowledge horizon beyond which an event cannot be known to us.

Real

[Hawkman]

Real: 1. a subjective definition of an imaginary concept which has been inflated to the extent that lots of people believe in it. 2. a spool for winding cotton onto, used by people who can't spell.

Pillage

[mal4mac]

Pillage: ransacking a drug store

Genesis

[YesNo]

Genesis: An explanation motivated by existential shock.

Lucid Dream

[Pendragon]

Lucid Dream: A contradiction in terms, since if one is lucid, one is awake and therefore cannot dream

Non Sequitur:

[mona amon]

Non Sequitur - n.
1. An inference or conclusion that does not follow from the premises or evidence.

2. A statement that does not follow logically from what preceded it.

Usually found in long forum arguments.

Deus ex machina

[YesNo]

Deus ex machina: An unexpected, implausible solution to a hopeless situation that works great in comedy and provides a happy, feel-good ending and allows the characters to be marketed in further inane adventures in a sequel. It works great in tragedy also as long as the implausible and unexpected does not lead to a happy ending.

Iron Butterfly

[mona amon]

Iron Butterfly: The poor man's Golden Birdwing.

Fatalistic

[Hawkman]

The quality of a man who has a predeliction for vamps.

Gringo:

[mal4mac]

Gringo: used by Mexican bandits when talking down to Caucasian males. Origination attributed to the Clint Eastwood character in "A Bucketful of Gold". Clint to sidekick: "When the bad man grins, it's time to go..."

Camelot

[Calidore]

Camelot: Where desert riders park their steeds.

Bandanna

[Pendragon]

Bandanna: Formerly a cowboy accessory, it now is often used to indicate the loyalty of gang members

Blood:

[YesNo]

Blood: A beverage vampires enjoy.

Black Cat

[mal4mac]

Black cat: A nice fur to go with that little black dress

1984

[YesNo]

1984: A book written by George Orwell explaining how Big Brother would break our natural resistance by brainwashing all of us to a miserable existence by 1984. Orwell’s error was in overrating our brains. All we needed, which the machines figured out in the Matrix, was to have a power cord stuck in our necks and then even Big Brother would be happy.

Anna Karenina

[mona amon]

Anna Karenina: Yet another novel about a woman who has an affair and comes to a bad end.

Adultery

[Calidore]

Adultery: The practice of growing up

Flim-flam

[Pendragon]

Flim-flam: The ability to sell ice to penguins while carrying coals to Newcastle

Fake:

[YesNo]

Fake: A cheaper version of reality that supposedly would not fulfill the functional and status needs as well as the more expensive version like buying a ten dollar purse with a brand name on it from a street vendor rather than paying fifty times more to get it certified real from a real boutique.

Vernal Equinox

[mona amon]

Vernal Equinox - according to P.G. Wodehouse and many others, the start of the human mating season.

Epiphany

[Pendragon]

Epiphany: A sudden inspiration that usually hits people at about one AM on January 6th, which they cannot keep to themselves until some decent hour. like say one PM. A common cause of divorce and the occasional manslaughter charge.

Excelsior:

[YesNo]

Excelsior: Something exceptional or great or beyond description and since it is beyond description instead of futilely trying to find words to describe it one can use this one.

Feng Shui

[Pompey Bum]

Excelsior: a university in Albany, New York, which encourages its students to get higher

Feng shui: Chinese for scotch and water; novices are advised to begin with bing shui

Waste land

[YesNo]

Wasteland: Land that we have not yet found a way to monetize. For example, high cliffs far from the highway overlooking an ocean where lovers, not yet being charged a fee, come to jump when they forget that there are always more fish in the sea.

Orb

[Hawkman]

A kind of spherical spider.

Argosy

[Pompey Bum]

Argosy: proof that being fleeced on a long trip is nothing new

Ubiquitous

[Iain Sparrow]

Ubiquitous: that which is always there when you least need it, and impossible to find when you do.

abear:

[Pendragon]

abear. Must be Yogi or the word is misspelled, yeah?

werewolf:

[Pompey Bum]

Abear: Abeast generally suspected of sh*tting in thewoods

Artificial

[Pompey Bum]

Oh sorry.

Werewolf: one afflicted with severe monthly mood swings it behooves another never to mention

Artificial

[Pendragon]

Artificial: Created by something other than nature, sometimes in the image of things that are real, sometimes looking very weird


flabbergast:

[mal4mac]

Flabbergast: a fat ghost

abear: homosexual self abuse. (Source: "So did the faery knight himself abear." - Spenser.)

jouissance

[Pompey Bum]

Jouissance: See self abuse

Naked mole rat

[mal4mac]

Naked mole rat - star of "No Hair", Tom O'Horgan's controversial stage adaptation of "Wind in the Willows".

Juggernaut

[mona amon]

"homosexual self abuse" - what other kind is there? :D

Juggernaut - The western mispronunciation of the name of a hindu deity.

deity

[Pompey Bum]

"homosexual self abuse" - what other kind is there? :D

:):):) You kill me, Mona.

Deity: Like God, but with the option of roommates.

Ice Age

[mal4mac]

Ice Age - what follows Old Age in the cryogenic facility

transcendental

[YesNo]

Transcendental: Outside space and time and the limitation of the speed of light.

Age of Aquarius

[Pendragon]

Age of Aquarius: The Era of Long, Long, Long Filthy Hair Bands

Electric:

[mona amon]

Electric: Any gadget with a wire and plug.

Timetable

[Calidore]

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51zZvJAOsaL.jpg

Schedule

[mal4mac]

Timetable - a fictional work based on arrival and departure times chosen with a pin.

ubiquitous

[mal4mac]

Schedule - a fictional construct, never to become factual, taken to be possible.

tractability

[YesNo]

Tractability: A characteristic Big Brother likes to see in his minions.

Minion

[Pompey Bum]

Minion: one who lacks the moral integrity to be anything other than a dupe.

Guano

[YesNo]

Guano: South American bird droppings. If you are sitting on a park bench in the zócalo under a tree with hundreds of tiny birds twittering above you, it is not their fault if you look up to check them out.

Obtuse

[mona amon]

Guano - marketable excrement, the other example of which is Manzoni's cans of poop.

obtuse

[YesNo]

Obtuse: Being deliberately difficult like an angle between 90 and 180 degrees.

Fool's Gold

[Pompey Bum]

Fool's gold: what fools use to buy those funny hats

Kumquat

[Pendragon]

Kumquat: The fruit you only know about because it uses the "q" in Scrabble

Durian:

[Pompey Bum]

Durian: a fruit whose forbidding appearance playfully anticipates it's revolting aroma

Praying mantis

[Pendragon]

Praying Mantis: An insect who gives thanks before eating her mate who is still busy with the mating process

Blister Beetle:

[MystyrMystyry]

Blister Beetle Brother of Buster Beetle who in their famous traveling circus act of the 1850's, would entrap beetles, and indeed, any six legged bug, and harness them to a miniature cart, trapeze, or ferris wheel for human entertainment. Thus the term Beetle Circus

Circus

[Pompey Bum]

Circus: Like Disneyworld, but with whips and chains.

Leech

[Pendragon]

Leech: That creepy family member who shows up at every family gathering and hasn't held a job in his life. But regular as a clock tick he's there at family functions enjoying free food and drink, and hitting everyone up for "spare change."

Drunk:

[YesNo]

Drunk: The final state of consciousness those who overdue their practice of the art of drinking can attain.

Mellow

[mona amon]

Mellow - An early state of consciousness attained by those who practice the art of drinking (see Drunk above) :cheers2:

plenipotentiary

[Pompey Bum]

Plenipotentiary: one who may work with considerable freedom of action but never independently of his or her own briefs

Soliloquy

[YesNo]

Soliloquy: What a conversation with your BIF (best imaginary friend) looks like to an amused outsider.

Earth

[Pompey Bum]

Earth: a rock hurling blindly through space, beset with certain parasitical problems

Mononucleosis

[YesNo]

Mononucleosis: Long for “mono”. Short for “glandular fever”. Less understandable than “kissing disease”, but at least you got kissed.

Fire and Brimstone

[Pendragon]

Fire and Brimstone: 1) Said to be the major features in the Christian Hell 2) A style of preaching designed to make the listener feel the fire and smell the brimstone

Priest:

[mal4mac]

Priest: a person who pretends his imaginary friend has a large baseball bat so others will give him money and power.

Gangster

[Pendragon]

Gangster: Person selling illegal goods, assassinating people, and selling protection against damages without a Government license to do so. If they had a license, they would be termed businessmen

Peace Officer:

[YesNo]

Peace Officer: Someone authorized to be an anti-gangster.

Queen of Hearts

[Pendragon]

Queen of Hearts: Mega-diva that works at everyone's place of business who can turn a hangnail into two days off work. This person is so full of drama that they might as well be screaming "Off with their heads!" Some of you just nodded, and thought, "I'd like to chop so and so's head off!"

Wisdom:

[mona amon]

Wisdom: Something we are supposed to attain as we grow older, but instead all we get is wrinkles, aches and pains and memory loss.

second-guess

[YesNo]

Second-guess: Trying to undermine the confidence of others by telling them that they should have done something differently than they did. Now they know they should have done it differently. They will fix that problem. Next time they won’t let you know what choice they made in the first place.

Ecliptic

[mal4mac]

Ecliptic - The path of the sun as he traverses the celestial sphere. There are other more modern definitions, but these are superfluous.

conductivity

[Calidore]

Conductivity: The measure of the level of communication shared between an orchestra leader and the players.

Halcyon

[YesNo]

Halcyon: An adjective that means “happy” or “blissful” or “joyful”. Almost no one would be stressed out if the word did not exist. Just use “happy”.

Vow

[Pendragon]

Vow: Solemn promise, often invoking the Deity one makes in time of crisis, and has no real intention of keeping

Swear in:

[mona amon]

Swear in: to initiate someone into office in a solemn ceremony with the use of swear words.

Bad language

[Pompey Bum]

Bad language: Well, as Classicists say, the only good language is a dead language.

Specious

[mal4mac]

Specious - of, or pertaining to, a category of animals or plants.

desideratum

[YesNo]

Desideratum: Something desired that one does not already have. A sense of lack and therefore a source of suffering.

Antipodes

[Pompey Bum]

Antipodes: a venerable fallback when seeking a rhyme for "Euripides"

Terse

[mona amon]

Terse: Concise. Like this definition.

Interpret

[Pendragon]

Interpret: To translate into an understandable form. When one speaks through an interpreter, not knowing the language, you are at that person's mercy. Perhaps they say what you said, perhaps they said what they thought others would want to hear. I am positive this caused most of the Native American Wars here in the States.

Misconstrue:

[Pompey Bum]

Misconstrue: Miss Congeniality's clueless cousin

Wooly mammoth

[YesNo]

Wooly Mammoth: An extinct elephant-like animal that may have inadvertently left enough DNA in specimens found in the ice to practice cloning them. When we finally do clone them, will they like the fact that their ancient, runt-like, pesky, hunting and gathering predator brought them back to life?

Unpack an Argument

[Pendragon]

Wooly mammoth: Elephant hippie stoned on grass that fell into the La Brea Tar Pits

Sorry!

Unpack an Argument: Rolling up the sleeves before a fight

Dishonest:

[Hawkman]

Dishonest: a prerequisite tendency for anyone in a position of authority, particularly politicians.

Wedlock

[Calidore]

Wedlock: A prenuptial agreement.

Fathom

[Pompey Bum]

Fathom: to conceive; esp. for mermaids

Organic

[YesNo]

Organic: A food or beverage label implying the product will cost more. Although most products benefit from the “organic” label, some products, like bottled water, are best without it.

Gluten-free

[Iain Sparrow]

Gluten-free: A dietary cure for a disease nobody has.

Apple

[Pompey Bum]

Gluten-free: A dietary cure for a disease nobody has.

Heh heh.

Apple: The instrument of Adam's seduction by Eve at the behest of Steve Jobs

Fungus

[Pendragon]

Fungus: Extremely low class poor cousin of mushrooms

Funk:

[YesNo]

Funk: A word describing something that’s bad, like a smell or a mood, but then, just when the definition appears to have stabilized and perhaps because the left brain crosses the right brain or the Sun moves from Pisces to Aries, it gets used to describe something good like rhythmic, funky music.

Vegan

[Pompey Bum]

Vegan: paternalistic oppressor of something vaguely resembling food

Aardvark

[YesNo]

Aardvark: An African creature that has ears like a rabbit, a body like a pig and eats ants. Although there are many individuals in the species, so many that they are not considered endangered like just about everything else with an interesting name, the species appears to be the only one in its family. It makes you wonder what happened to the others. What is worse, the family appears to be the only one in its order. Hmmm.

Pasta

[Pompey Bum]

Pasta: a dish favored by those comfortable enough with their bodies to dine in the noodle

Hydra

[Pendragon]

Hydra: A nine-headed snake with Wolverine's healing powers

Hydrophobia:

[YesNo]

Hydrophobia: Fear of water is one symptom of rabies. Once symptoms start, however, the disease is usually fatal even when the Milwaukee protocol is followed. That procedure tries to shut down the brain by putting the sufferer into a coma until the immune system can respond.

Peanuts

[Pendragon]

Peanuts: 1) For all y'all Southerners in America: "Goober Peas" 2) The cartoon featuring Snoopy 3) Little or no reward usually proceeded by "I work for -"

Slab:

[Pendragon]

Slab: 1) Large chunk of meat--i.e. Slab of Bacon 2) The cold tray in the mortuary where they put you after you clog your arteries by eating too much of number 1

Stiff:

[YesNo]

Stiff: Something that goes on a mortuary slab.

Yinyang

[mona amon]

yinyang - twin pandas who are both contrary and complementary.

Asinine

[Pendragon]

Asinine: The long practiced art of humans acting like an @ss Many people have excelled beyond all measure

Tacky:

[YesNo]

Tacky: A feeling one gets on the fingers, because one can’t trust one’s eyes with their distance from reality, and so one reaches out and touches something that looks dry, but isn’t.

Clean

[Pendragon]

Clean: To a man a room is clean if there's nothing on the floor. To a woman clean means vacuum, dust, and put away stuff, getting rid of dust bunnies, and cobwebs, and maybe wiping down the wall. A man might adopt a dust bunny as a pet, and considers cobweb ambiance provided they don't contain live spiders. Yes his junk is strewn about the room but it's not on the floor and he knows where everything is. Clean sometimes causes divorce.

Stereotype:

[mona amon]

Stereotype: Typical behavior associated with a group, which no member of the group feels applies to them individually.

absent-minded

[mal4mac]

Absent-minded - those who run away when the going gets tough.

eclipse

[YesNo]

Eclipse: A form of magic: now you see it; now you don’t.

Divergence

[Pendragon]

Divergence: Departure from the norm. This definition is used by people who have a mistaken opinion that they know what the norm is, mainly anything that they personally believe.

Prejudice:

[mona amon]

Prejudice: n. preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. Famously associated with Mr Darcy. Or is it Lizzy Bennet? Or maybe both.

Famous

[Iain Sparrow]

Famous: A gift often given to those who are least deserving... but alas, the gift usually expires in fifteen minutes, or in nine days if one is lucky.

Female

[Pendragon]

Female: According to Sherlock Holmes the species that is more deadly than the male

Feminine:

[mona amon]

Feminine: Possessing the arts and skills that make one deadlier than the male of the species.

Blasphemy

[YesNo]

Blasphemy: Being a bit too sure of oneself, because, hey, you’ve been around the block and you don’t see the big guy anywhere.

Shock and Awe

[Pendragon]

Shock and Awe: Glancing at a bill of any sort, a common cause of heart attack

Proof:

[mona amon]

Proof: That annoying thing you are supposed to produce when you believe in God's existence.

Drama queen

[YesNo]

Drama Queen: A human noise generator who believes the sky is falling and wants you to do something about it besides hoping the sky actually does fall on her.

Clutter

[Hawkman]

Anything you own which has to be moved in order to permit you to walk accross the room.

Geek:

[Pendragon]

Geek: While this was an insult during my high school years, it has become fashionably chic to be a tech-savvy nerd ex: Computer Geek, Gaming Geek:, Goth Geek:, etc.

Looser:

[YesNo]

Looser: Beyond loose.

Loser: Someone your girlfriend hopes she did not pick for her boyfriend.

Bagua

[Pendragon]

Bagua: I couldn't find the true meaning. Could be interpreted as "get" as in "Bagua deer."

pauciloquent:

[Pompey Bum]

Pauciloquent: an unnecessarily extravagant term for terse

Polyurethane

[Pendragon]

Polyurethane: A certain varnish used by those that practice the DIY gig. On the can it makes the wood in the picture almost like a mirror. In our mundane reality, it makes it a little tacky, no matter how much I use or how many coats, with fine sanding in between. Not that I'm bitter.

Liar:

[Pompey Bum]

Liar: an intransitive layer

Facade

[YesNo]

Facade: A part of reality, often confused with all of it, that makes itself most obvious to us.

Cookbook

[Pompey Bum]

Cookbook: a pioneering achievement in interactive literature

Dragonfly

[Pendragon]

Dragonfly: An insect that starts life as a river dwelling larvae dragging a sticky cocoon, which make excellent fish bait, but then it turns into a four-winged helicopter sounding bug that is a great annoyance to fishermen

twaddle:

[mona amon]

Twaddle: A relatively polite term for bulls**t.

Atom

[Pendragon]

Atom: Tiny particle that is an integral part of everything according to science. Personally I have never seen one.

God Particle:

[mona amon]

God Particle: Also known as the Higgs Boson, the God particle is surely too complicated for the Devil to define.

Relation

[YesNo]

Relation: What you can’t avoid at a family reunion.

Quark

[mona amon]

Quark: Sound made by a subatomic duck.

Marriage

[Pompey Bum]

Marriage: a unique union in which being completely bound does not preclude boring sex

Birth control

[Pendragon]

Birth Control: The way the one percent try to control the number of 99 per centers

Vanity:

[YesNo]

Vanity: Making the most of whatever one is.

Doom and Gloom

[Pendragon]

Doom and Gloom: Twin brothers of Depression

Bi-Polar:

[Pendragon]

Bi-Polar: The Intelligent Madness which always seems to be what is wrong with the murderers on shows like Criminal Minds.

Psycho:

[mona amon]

Psycho: A term used to describe anything from a serial killing sociopath to your mildly eccentric uncle.

Agnostic

[YesNo]

Psycho: A guy dressed like his mother who tries to stab you while you’re trying to take a shower.

Agnostic: Someone who can't make up his mind.

Shovel

[mona amon]

Shovel - tool used by psycho to bury your remains in your garden after stabbing you in the shower.

funeral

[Pendragon]

Funeral: An eerie sort of party where people who don't care enough to have visited the deceased while alive pay homage to their remains, and hypocrites tell lies of their memories of this person, whom they haven't seen in forty years. Strange that the word begins with "fun" when it is anything but...

Eulogy:

[YesNo]

Eulogy: Final words to mark an end by those left to begin again.

Real-Time

[Pendragon]

Real-Time: An illusion that something is happening now. If you have read this far, all previous is now in the past. Right now doesn't exist beyond a second. If something happens in real time, by the time you hear it,see it, smell it, touch it, or taste it, the present has become the past. In Sports, however, 30 seconds can become an half hour...

Tomorrow:

[Pompey Bum]

Tomorrow: a hypothetical period of time reserved for the mowing of lawns

Filibuster

[Pendragon]

Filibuster: The right of every Congress-Person to make an @ss of themselves taking up time and space with totally useless prattle to block a vote on a Bill, when voting on Bills is why we pay them...

Donkey:

[YesNo]

Donkey: An animal who is too self-satisfied to want to be a horse.

Oak

[mona amon]

Oak: Everyone's favourite example of what a little nut can grow up to be.

Whatever

[Pompey Bum]

Whatever: teenage for touché

Tobacco

[Pendragon]

Tobacco: A plant that has gone from being thought beneficial to being thought deadly in less than 200 years.

Marijuana:

[Pompey Bum]

Marijuana: a plant that has gone from being thought of as cheap rope to being thought of as over-priced beer in the last 200 years

Aspirin

[MystyrMystyry]

Aspirin What homebrew tastes like before it's ready

Beer

[Pendragon]

Beer: A liquid made by the rich to keep the poor poor but happy


Depot:

[YesNo]

Depot: A place to put your pot.

Blood Moon

[mona amon]

Blood Moon: A handy title for a vampire book or movie.

Mathematics

[YesNo]

Mathematics: A course of study for theoretical magicians.

Chemistry

[Pendragon]

Actually, YesNo, Depot is the opposite of de rich.... :)

Chemistry: 1) Boring but require course in most High School curriculums, always jolted by the occasion experiment gone wrong. (I lost an entire pant leg to sulfuric acid, which I counted myself fortunate. It could have been a lot worse! I could have damaged important body parts!)

2) What is claimed to be missing when a couple don't instantly like each other on a date

Memory:

[Pendragon]

Memory: I used to know what that meant, wait a minute, isn't it, no that's not right, maybe, huh? I forgot.

Dementia:

[mona amon]

Dementia: What happens to you, usually in old age, when you get attacked by Dementors.

Anorexia Nervosa:

[Pendragon]

Anorexia Nervosa: Pathological fear of weight gain, usually in young women, which is not being helped by the TV and Movie Industry one bit, not to mention comics and Barbie dolls which give the impression all women should be athletically slim with gigantic gravity-defying boobs

Illogical:

[YesNo]

Illogical: A plausible, but ultimately groundless, mental construct hypnotically floating in the male mind like gravity-defying boobs.

Durian*




*I had my first unfortunate taste and smell of this "delicacy" recently.

[Pompey Bum]

Illogical: A plausible, but ultimately groundless, mental construct hypnotically floating in the male mind like gravity-defying boobs.

Women being inherently illogical? Hmmmm? :)

Durian: Fruit of the Doom

Antisepsis

[Pendragon]

Antisepsis: Superhero who KOs septic disease.

Brain Fart:

[YesNo]

Brain Fart: A fart that comes out the wrong end.

Atlantis:

[Pompey Bum]

Atlantis: a city in Geogis

Sappho

[Calidore]

Sappho: Hip slang for a blue gemstone. See also "Rube", " Dime", etc.

Wanderlust

[Pendragon]

Wanderlust: Fancy phrase for living a hobo life

Bindlestiff:

[YesNo]

Bindlestiff: A very light traveler able to carry all of his possessions with him. He is represented in the Tarot as the Fool, or zero, card full of freedom careless of risks beginning his sacred journey like a hero headed for a cliff where a miracle awaits.

Wheel of Fortune

[Pompey Bum]

Wheel of Fortune: Beware of goddesses bearing cycles. Nuff said.

Eden

[Pendragon]

Eden: To some, the place where humanity was created by God. To others a dream world one aspires to reach, but fails. The rock group The Eagles took A Long Road Out of Eden.

Rock God:

[mona amon]

Rock God: A stone idol.

Opinion

[Pendragon]

Opinion: Something everyone has that they feel free to give gratis to those who don't want it at any price.

Mistake:

[YesNo]

Mistake: An acknowledgement during a moment of detachment when you express regret about a past action that you cannot do much about now any more. Such moments might form the grounds for healthy, personal change unless the temptation was just too pleasurable.

Temptation

[Pompey Bum]

Temptation: an instinctual loss of reason in favor of short-term self-gratification; when even the good angel says what the f*ck?

Contrition

[YesNo]

Contrition: An expression of remorse for something you have done for which you should and probably will get your butt kicked.

Butt

[Pendragon]

Butt: Old English, Arse: The posterior of an animal (yes, Virginia, man is an animal) perfect for sitting doing nothing, showing either by "mooning" or some other audacious act, or for kicking

Moron:

[Pompey Bum]

Moron: One possessing even less wisdom than a sophomore

Sophist

[YesNo]

Sophist: A member of an ancient and annoying opposition group that had to be discredited through defamation in order to be placed on the same shelf as philistine and pharisee.

Pharisee

[Pendragon]

Pharisee: Self-righteous bleep of a bleep who is always giving you his opinion when you want him to listen to yours

Brain Dead:

[YesNo]

Brain Dead: The supposed mental state of a zombie which makes them walk funny.

Mental State:

[Pendragon]

Mental State: That preconceived notion that one can evaluate someone else's feeling, emotions, and intellect by asking stupid questions like: "And how does that make you feel?"

Clinical Counselor:

[Pompey Bum]

Sophist: a Greek wise guy

Pharisee: a Jewish lawyer before Jewish lawyers were cool

Clinical counselor: a paid friend who won't go as far as a prostitute

Peacock

[Pendragon]

Peacock: Flashy dressed poser who mistakes double takes for admiration, and eye rolling for praise

Flapper:

[Pompey Bum]

1920s dancers who actually had surprisingly little to flap.

Jingoism

[Pendragon]

Jingoism: Bellicose chauvinism, whatever the frack that is...

Supposition:

[Pike Bishop]

Supposition: What's going on in my wife's head when she's glaring at me intently, and I know I've done nothing wrong.

Ineffable:

[Calidore]

Ineffable: Too amazing to describe with an f-bomb.

Harridan

[Pike Bishop]

The sublimely perfect word to describe the 18th c. specialist in my department...especially to the untenured professors.

Problematic:

[Pendragon]

Problematic: Difficult to explain because of either gaps in scientific knowledge or truths in scientific knowledge. For example the existence of Bigfoot is problematic due to lack of scientific evidence while claims of the paranormal are problematic due to them breaking the laws of known science.

Unexplained Mystery:

[Pike Bishop]

Unexplained Mystery: Lady Gaga

Ethical:

[Pendragon]

Ethical: Something that will make your conscience leave you alone for a while, not necessarily a good thing

Conscience: