Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

[Melanie]

HeaVIN: …the Vehicle Identification Number for a hearse

Offspring:

[Pompey Bum]

Offspring: Common mattress defect.

Nefarious

[YesNo]

Nefarious: Not good enough by some standards.


On the outside they’re witty, insightful.
On the inside, atrociously frightful.
We thought they were good
And they thought that we would
Think “nefarious” meant they’re delightful. --Alice, I. F.

Soup

[Pompey Bum]

Soup: Wet food best ingested on dry land (difficult in flight, impossible under water).

Sasquatch:

[Pompey Bum]

Oh wait, I've got an answer:

Sasquatch: A legendary creature that stalks the American wilderness wearing a gorilla suit. Heh heh.

Rainbow

[YesNo]

Oh wait, I've got an answer:

Sasquatch: A legendary creature that stalks the American wilderness wearing a gorilla suit. Heh heh.


I knew it was real!

-------------------------------

Rainbow: A beautiful weather pattern coming after rain, when the sun is right, below which, legend has it, there is a pot of gold. Some say a rainbow is awareness positioned between water and light. Some say the legend of the pot of gold is an illusion, but others counter that it is as real as the rainbow in the awareness below it.

Moon:

[Lokasenna]

Moon: A celestial object that has, since our earliest recollection, been associated with causing madness and homicide, aptly demonstrating the human capacity for deferring responsibility.

Glory:

[Pompey Bum]

Glory: Inflicting and incurring physical harm with sufficient recklessness to distinguish oneself from the merely psychotic.

Hedgehog

[YesNo]

Hedgehog: Spiny, four-legged critters who remind you of porcupines or armadillo wannabes who realized long ago that they can’t trust anyone but themselves to watch their backs.

Artsy-Fartsy:

[Pompey Bum]

Ed: Artsy-Fartsy
Johnny: Artsy-Fartsy
Ed: Artsy-Fartsy
Johnny: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your jockstrap.
Ed: Artsy-Fartsy
Johnny: Who did you have to call when Hotsy-Totsy wouldn't go out with you?

Plutocracy

[YesNo]

Plutocracy: A term that became obsolete when Pluto lost its status as a planet, not that Pluto cared one way or the other. It is also used as an alternate definition of “democracy” among those rich enough to know what the word means.

app:

[Pompey Bum]

Wrong. It's rule by Mickey Mouse's dog. :)

aap: The guys who invented Popeye

Caesarian

[YesNo]

Caesarian: An alternate delivery method, like using FedEx when you don’t trust the postal service to do it right.

Bread:

[Pompey Bum]

Caesarian: An alternate delivery method, like using FedEx when you don’t trust the postal service to do it right.

Heh heh. :)

Bread: As the Buddha observed, something that will not benefit you until you are through kneading it.

Mustache

[YesNo]

Bread: As the Buddha observed, something that will not benefit you until you are through kneading it.


That's a good one. My subconscious tells me to mention that AuntShecky gave it/her/him the idea for FedEx:


Best of all was the one about the babies. When mine were little and asked the ultimate awkward question -- "Where did I come from?" we told them they had been delivered by FedEx.

Moustache: What happens when you forget to shave.

Astrology:

[Hawkman]

An excuse for losing.

Dribble

[Pompey Bum]

Dribble: When Dennis Rodman's nose runs.

Fragrant

[Pendragon]

Fragrant: A word for a smell. It is supposition that the word means "smelling good". Next time you ride the bus or subway with a wino, tell me that he is not "fragrant" of cheep booze

Edible.

[YesNo]

Edible: Something to put in your mouth that can be swallowed and digested which, if you think about it, is quite gross, but most of us enjoy doing it anyway.

Producer:

[Pompey Bum]

Producer: Prior to the Industrial Revolution, an artisan. Afterwards, a fat guy in Beverley Hills.

Aquarium

[YesNo]

Aquarium: A place to put tiny fish and watch them die.

Consumer:

[Pompey Bum]

Aquarium: A place to put tiny fish and watch them die.

Heh heh. You've been hanging around with me too much. :)

Consumer: Prior to the Industrial Revolution, the customer of a yeoman farmer. Afterwards, "Yo man! You got any?"

Software

[Hawkman]

Unfired porcelain.

Prognosis

[Pompey Bum]

Ah! I'm spending my 1000th post with you, Hawk! :)

Prognosis: "Let me put it this way: don't start any long books."

Caterwaul

[YesNo]

Caterwaul: A shrill, screeching noise that robots make when they want sex.

French:

[Hawkman]

The language spoken by cheese-eating surrender-monkeys.

German

[Pompey Bum]

French: v. to kiss with the tongue on both cheeks

German: n. a kind of chocolate cake that insists it's too rich for you to eat

Mermaid

[Pendragon]

Mermaid: If we go by conventional wisdom that they were really manatees, then they are caused by drinking too much rum and having not seen a woman for the last year

Spice:

[Hawkman]

The plural of spouse (used predominantly in polygamous societies).

Lingerie

[YesNo]

Lingerie: A kind of spice.

British

[Pompey Bum]

British: A colonial power resolved to bring civilization to the tailless monkeys of Gibraltar.

Poet

[Pendragon]

Poet: 1) One who can rhyme but not much else "I cannot write a novel!" said he. "I must be content with poetry. 2) A student of the works of Edgar Allen Poe. They mutter "Nevermore!" a lot...

Raven:

[Pompey Bum]

Poet: 1) One who can rhyme but not much else "I cannot write a novel!" said he. "I must be content with poetry. 2) A student of the works of Edgar Allen Poe. They mutter "Nevermore!" a lot...

I'm tired of living in a hovel,
By God, I think I'll write a novel!

Raven: A crow with a college education

Primitive

[Hawkman]

a word used to describe corvids lacking the advantages of ravens.

Manticore

[Pompey Bum]

Manticore: A sphinx who's trying to put the whole Egyptian thing behind him.

Pterodactyl

[Pompey Bum]

Pterodactyl

Oh wait, I've got that one, too. It's a poetic meter with leathery wings.

Um, brontosaurus.

[Hawkman]

Lit: "wing finger" an abusive gesture made by someone in flight - i.e. running away.

quagmire

[Pompey Bum]

Sorry, Hawk. My bad as usual.

Quagmire: A tarry death trap for quags throughout the Pleistocene era.

Brontosaurus

[Lokasenna]

Brontosaurus: An ancient, craggy, bellowing monster of a bygone age, found in such locations as archaeological digs, natural history museums, and the House of Lords.

Formidable:

[Pompey Bum]

Formidable: an accomplishment requiring effort and worthy of respect, such as earning a doctorate. Congratulations, "Doc Lok" (and happy belated birthday).

Nymph

[MystyrMystyry]

Nymph Plural of Nym, but fo far few have been feen

Lens

[YesNo]

Lens: A tool to tickle light.

Wall:

[Pendragon]

Wall: Solid structures meant to divide, as a field from the road, rich neighborhoods from the freeway, and your sex life from your kids and the neighbors

Halfwit:

[YesNo]

Halfwit: Half of a “wit” being a measure of the clutter in one’s mind. Halfway done cleaning out the cobwebs.

Muse:

[Hawkman]

Any half-way decent-looking girl who inspires a smitten swain to write what he thinks is poetry.

Portal

[YesNo]

Portal: A word used by someone who can’t spell “door”.

Whale:

[Pompey Bum]

Whale: A gentle beast that roams the oceans with no enemy but man; certainly not the millions upon millions of tiny lifeforms it destroys every minute it opens its big trap. No, no, they don't count do they?

Plankton

[YesNo]

Plankton: Sea organisms that seemingly reproduce primarily to keep the buffet table stocked for larger critters.

Critter:

[Pompey Bum]

Critter: A denizen of the seement pond area of Beverly Hills, or its evolutionary descendants.

Litter box:

[MystyrMystyry]

C Ritter Older brother of the famous actor John Ritter. The reason you probably haven't heard of him is because, just like his younger brother, he couldn't act either

Litter Box A place for untrained pets to drop their rubbish, but being untrained you have to expect they'll use it for something else entirely

Fleas

[Pompey Bum]

Fleas: What a dog does when you try to give it a bath.

Parrot

[YesNo]

Parrot: An echo conscious enough to know better.

Consciousness:

[Pompey Bum]

Consciousness: Being wider awake than a lettuce.

Bee

[Pendragon]

Bee: Small creature whose ability to fly stuns science, and whose sting pretty much indicates it doesn't care to be studied...

Evidence.

[Pompey Bum]

Evidence: Data from blind men researching elephants.

Python

[Melanie]

Python: A snake that likes to give BIG hugs

Peanut

[Pompey Bum]

Peanut(s): What Charles Schultz made Charlie Brown and Snoopy work for

Gladiator

[YesNo]

Gladiator: A member of a class of entertainers who received the first “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” from a crowd. One of the first state employees officially worked to death.

Entertainer:

[Pompey Bum]

Gladiator: A member of a class of entertainers who received the first “thumbs up” or “thumbs down” from a crowd. One of the first state employees officially worked to death.

No, it's how the python felt about his blind date. :)

Entertainer: What strippers and clergy put on their driver's license applications

[YesNo]

No, it's how the python felt about his blind date. :)


You're right. That's an alternate definition. You forgot to add a new word, so I'll add one.

Word:

[Pompey Bum]

Word: ὁ λόγος, καὶ ὁ λόγος ἦν πρὸς τὸν θεόν, καὶ θεὸς ἦν ὁ λόγος. οὗτος ἦν ἐν ἀρχῇ πρὸς τὸν θεόν. πάντα δι’ αὐτοῦ ἐγένετο, καὶ χωρὶς αὐτοῦ ἐγένετο οὐδὲ ἕν. ὃ γέγονεν ἐν αὐτῷ ζωὴ ἦν, καὶ ἡ ζωὴ ἦν τὸ φῶς τῶν ἀνθρώπων· καὶ τὸ φῶς ἐν τῇ σκοτίᾳ φαίνει, καὶ ἡ σκοτία αὐτὸ οὐ κατέλαβεν.

Though some say: the bird. :)

Freedom

[YesNo]

Word: ὁ λόγος, καὶ ὁ λόγος ἦν πρὸς τὸν θεόν, καὶ θεὸς ἦν ὁ λόγος. οὗτος ἦν ἐν ἀρχῇ πρὸς τὸν θεόν. πάντα δι’ αὐτοῦ ἐγένετο, καὶ χωρὶς αὐτοῦ ἐγένετο οὐδὲ ἕν. ὃ γέγονεν ἐν αὐτῷ ζωὴ ἦν, καὶ ἡ ζωὴ ἦν τὸ φῶς τῶν ἀνθρώπων· καὶ τὸ φῶς ἐν τῇ σκοτίᾳ φαίνει, καὶ ἡ σκοτία αὐτὸ οὐ κατέλαβεν.

Though some say: the bird. :)


After putting it in Google Translate, it's still Greek to me, especially the part about Scotland:


the Word , and the Word was with God , and God was the Word . Utu not in archῇ ​​to God . everything through him was made , without it was done neither in . The gegonen aftῷ life in her, and the life was the light of the people ; and the light in tῇ skotiᾳ seen, and Scotland this th overtaken

Freedom: Not being required to applaud when the leader of the People’s Democracy says something.

Leader:

[Pendragon]

Leader: One pompous enough to imagine that he or she can make blanket decisions that will please everyone and settle all problems

Follower:

[Pompey Bum]

Forage: the pillage of Foldy Locks

Emancipation

[Hawkman]

The state of freedom conferred on slaves in which they are free to be persecuted, abused and murdered because they no longer have any value as property.

Democracy

[Pompey Bum]

Democracy: The freedom to elect one's own dictators

Romance

[Hawkman]

Leader: One pompous enough to imagine that he or she can make blanket decisions that will please everyone and settle all problems

Follower:

Follower: A kind of sheep.

Romance: Whatever a woman says you aren't giving her.

Philistine:

[Pompey Bum]

Philistine: An Iron Age pioneer of spin art.

Viking

[Calidore]

Viking: Sixth in the line of royalty

Saxon

[Pompey Bum]

Saxon: Along with violence, that which gets a movie a R rating.

Mercury

[Iain Sparrow]

Mercury: the chemical element of atomic number 80, a heavy silvery-white metal that is liquid at ordinary temperatures... when taken internally, allows a person to sing Bohemian Rhapsody with flamboyance and flair.

Midnight:

[Pompey Bum]

Midnight:

That liminal clime
Where, while church bells chime,
With yesterday touching tomorrow,
Thrown wide are the graves
Of bishops and knaves,
In merriment tempered with sorrow.

Submarine

[YesNo]

Submarine: A sandwich. A boat that doesn’t need to float. A mythical, yellow object, popular in the 20th century, that people known as “beatles” hypothesized that we all live in.

Devil:

[Pompey Bum]

Devil: An evil spirit who torments eggs with mayonnaise and paprika.

Earthworm

[Pendragon]

Earthworm: The great equalizer. Rich, Middle Class, Poor, Any Race, Any Sex, Any Nation, Any Religion, whatever in the end we all feed earthworms

Poker:

[Pompey Bum]

Poker: A fireplace utensil used for clubbing people who cheat at cards.

Detour

[Melanie]

Detour: …a backwards Jumble Word of the Day for "tourDe" France: a race for back peddlers

Joker

[YesNo]

Joker: A wild card in the deck. A supervillain who got that way because his arch enemy thought he was a batty and his mother refused to show him how to use lipstick.

Hierophant:

[Pompey Bum]

Hierophant:

A pachyderm with crystal balls.

Parallelogram

[YesNo]

Parallelogram: A square on drugs.

Wheel:

[Pompey Bum]

Wheel: A circle that has to work for a living.

Volcano

[YesNo]

Volcano: A tool used by Gaia to let off steam and other things depending on how bad things get.

Gaia:

[Pompey Bum]

Gaia: A Greek goddess who conspired with her son to castrate her husband, freeing him (the son) to cannibalize the children he had conceived by his own sister. It's all about the bunny rabbits, though. Think green!

Venus

[Pendragon]

Venus: A lovely Goddess with a less than stellar reputation. 2) What every UFO buff mistakes for a UFO 3) A beautiful woman whose reputation rivals the Goddess' behavior
Mars:

[YesNo]

Mars: A bright, red planet. A warrior god who convinced Venus to have sex with him which probably wasn’t all that difficult.

Jupiter

[Melanie]

Jupiter: A planet that earthlings make fun of for having no life

Big Bang Theory:

[YesNo]

Big Bang Theory: A TV comedy or soap opera for science nerds. A theory that the universe popped out of nothing, or, since that sounds too much like theism, out of an eternal, space-less, timeless, vacuum field of God knows what.

Quantum Theory:

[Hawkman]

Something to do with safety-pins and Brownean motion. Alternatively, ideas about things that are very small, or for accountants, it means, "Add another nought."

Spanner:

[Pompey Bum]

Spanner: A monkey wrench that avoids the whole Darwin business.

Tyrant

[YesNo]

Tyrant: A word used to describe a ruler so the ruled will not object when opportunities for revolution present themselves.

Camera:

[Hawkman]

A dark room in which to secretly conduct trials and inquisitions.

Evidence:

[YesNo]

Evidence: The ground underneath an otherwise dubious argument.

Tree:

[Pendragon]

Tree: Tall plant that mutters "I am Groot!" all the time

Genuine:

[Pompey Bum]

Genuine: An inscription commonly found in items of imitation leather.

Empty

[YesNo]

Empty: The state of missing something that could have been there but for some odd reason isn’t at the moment.

Lake:

[Pompey Bum]

Lake: An ocean that listened to the wrong broker.

Wombat

[YesNo]

Wombat: An over-stuffed animal come to life.

Maya:

[Pompey Bum]

Maya: A wise and technologically advanced civilization that bled, tortured, and mutilated prisoners of war because, hey, the gods really enjoy pain. Big sports fans, too.

Atlantis

[Dark Muse]

Atlantis: A mystical which once was, is no more, and perhaps never had been.

Heart

[Pompey Bum]

Heart: A late-'70s bubblegum rock band to which a generation of suburban kids lost their virginities in the over-chlorinated swimming pools of secret summer nights.

Lava lamp

[YesNo]

Lava Lamp: Something more interesting than your navel to stare at during meditation.

Furnace:

[Pompey Bum]

Furnace: A place to keep your old Bill Cosby records.

Iguana:

[YesNo]

Iguana: Something you don’t wuana be when you grow up.

Evolution:

[Pompey Bum]

Evolution: An objective of ommunism.

Belly button

[Dark Muse]

Belly Button: A place to collect morning dew when you fall asleep on the grass.

Time

[Pompey Bum]

Belly Button: A place to collect morning dew when you fall asleep on the grass. :)

Time: A mainstream (i.e., dumbed down) news magazine that once advertised for subscriptions with the slogan: "Give her the gift that says you think she's smart." Also a kind of bomb.

Apotheosis

[Pendragon]

Apotheosis: The point where man decides that all things considered he might as well be God

Trinity:

[Dark Muse]

Trinity: Fancy word for triangle

Pyramid

[Pompey Bum]

Pyramid: A point on a cryptic map of the outer cosmos, with the power to make metal objects as sharp as razor blades,. This allowed ancient Egyptians to gain the wisdom of astral beings. And then shave.

Vampire

[Dark Muse]

Vampire: Once a terrifying monster which over time has devolved into an adolescent wet dream

Fedora

[Pompey Bum]

Fedora: A hat favored by middle-aged gangsters so no one laughs at their comb-overs during stick ups.

Siren

[YesNo]

Siren: A loud noise to warn you about danger like a lighthouse warning sailors that a rocky shore is nearby. Beautiful creatures with angelic voices serving the opposite purpose of a lighthouse.

Oak:

[Pendragon]

Oak: A hardwood especially good for making beer storage barrels

Bootlegger:

[YesNo]

Bootlegger: A dealer of wet alcohol in a dry county.

Trophy Wife:

[Dark Muse]

Trophy Wife: Looks pretty, hollow inside, easily replaced if broken or lost.

Feline

[Pompey Bum]

Trophy Wife: Looks pretty, hollow inside, easily replaced if broken or lost.

Alternate definition: What you get if you marry a woman who's a better bowler than you are.

Feline: An evolutionary cousin of the fee-tiger.

Grammar

[Pendragon]

Grammar: Rules for speaking and writing a language, which change all the time. I distinctly remember being taught not to end a sentence with a preposition. That doesn't even set off grammar check now. We were also taught to avoid ain't, but it doesn't even set off Spellcheck now. And don't get me started on indenting paragraphs... grrrrrrrr!

Politically Correct:

[YesNo]

Politically Correct: A cautious tactic that lets other people think that you think like they’re supposed to.

Trophy Husband:

[Pompey Bum]

Trophy husband: An assertion by powerful women that they can be as short-sited and stupid as any man. You go girl!

Food chain

[Hawkman]

A word describing the realisation that every time you eat something, you are also eating everything that it has eaten, and everything that had been eaten by the thing that it ate, ad infinitum. Basically, this means that every time you eat something, you're eating sh*t.

Anachronism:

[Pompey Bum]

Anachronism: Being afraid of spiders before they actually existed.

Mastodon

[mona amon]

Mastodon - Huge, primeval, stomping, trumpeting creature with tusks used as a war vehicle in Lord of the Rings.

Whisky


Trophy husband: An assertion by powerful women that they can be as short-sited and stupid as any man. You go girl!

:lol:

[Pompey Bum]

Whiskey: The sine qua non of small, hand-held brooms.

Phoenix

[YesNo]

Phoenix: A place in Arizona where the major tourist attraction in the summer is the experience of going outside and feeling like you just entered a sauna. It may also refer to a strange bird whose notorious suicide attempts through self-immolation have always failed. I should introduce it to my dog, Fred.

Generosity:

[Pompey Bum]

Generosity: See tax deduction.

Selfishness

[Pendragon]

Selfishness: Haranguing the waitress all night and then not leaving a tip

Tax:

[Calidore]

Tax: Push pins that hold up pix

Vinyl

[Dark Muse]

Vinyl: Surperior way of listening to music

Photograph

[YesNo]

You beat me to it, Dark Muse. Here's my version:

Vinyl: An ethylene molecule running one hydrogen atom short of a full load.

Photograph

[mona amon]

Photograph - an exact facsimile of other people projected onto a two-dimensional space, but for some reason makes you look fatter than you actually are and older than you want to be.

Propoganda

[Pompey Bum]

Propaganda: A special sort of lie betraying the fact that Dear Leader could not do it without our support.

Supervisor

[Pendragon]

Supervisor: The Village Idiot refurbished and given a micron of authority, he or she now feels able to tell experts how to do their job

Employee:

[YesNo]

Employee: An employer who sells his time and talents to someone else.

Stone:

[Pompey Bum]

Stone: A unit of mass equal to 14 pounds used in Great Britain and Ireland for measuring body weight. Also the material technology/culture prior to the Bronze Age and an epithet associated with Cold Steve Austin.

Nihilism

[YesNo]

Nihilism: A philosophy that forgets to inhale before it exhales.

Existentialism:

[Pompey Bum]

Existentialism: A philosophy in which the best human beings are capable of is nausea.

Cheeseburger

[YesNo]

Cheeseburger: A wonderful meal featuring a sandwich containing miscellaneous parts from dead cows ground to perfection, covered with melted cheese, lettuce, pickles, tomato and sauces that is fit for the gods especially when served with a generous quantity of craft beer and you are not required by those you are dining with to substitute steamed broccoli for the fries.

Friday the Thirteenth:

[Pompey Bum]

Friday the Thirteenth: A day eerily preceded by Thursday the Twelfth.

Fortune teller

[YesNo]

Fortune Teller: Someone who spoils the fun out of the future.

Aura:

[Pompey Bum]

Aura: What migraines do when the pain gets boring.

Root canal

[Pendragon]

Root Canal: Dental procedure that costs about the same dollar for dollar as the Panama Canal or the Suez Canal

Dentist:

[Calidore]

Dentist: A driver who specializes in fender benders.

Monopoly

[Pompey Bum]

Dentist: A paid friend bound to you by the mutually understood fiction that you floss after lunch.

Fireman

[Pompey Bum]

Monopoly: A form of brainwashing in which children are taught that it is possible to get out of jail free.

Fireman

[YesNo]

Fireman: A superhero opposed to arsonists, pyromaniacs and acts of God.

Valentine's Day

[Pompey Bum]

Valentine's Day: A second chance at disaster for husband's who remembered their anniversaries.

Leopard

[Pendragon]

Leopard: Rapidly vanishing member of a feline family whose only predator is foolish people. 2) Large predatory cat that is on your sidewalk when you walk out explaining to your kid, "Look it is only a little Bleeping Bleep of a Bleep!"

Hunting:

[YesNo]

Hunting: Looking for something that will likely show up on its own once you are sober.

Hell Hole

[Pompey Bum]

Hunting: Looking for something that will likely show up on its own once you are sober.

:)

Hell Hole: Impolite term for a heck hole.

Brazen

[YesNo]

Brazen: Bold enough to get attention, dumb enough to want it.

Quick Question:

[Pompey Bum]

Brazen: Bold enough to get attention, dumb enough to want it.

Quick Question: An interrogative generally requiring a long answer.

Jellyfish:

[YesNo]

Jellyfish: An ancient line of creatures humiliated by humans when they are grounded on a beach.

Narcissist:

[Pendragon]

Narcissist: One in love with oneself, said to be a extreme form of mental illness, but sadly it must be a problem a LOT ofpeople have!

Obsessive:

[YesNo]

Obsessive: An anxiety disorder where the afflicted admit they are nuts but they can’t get their minds to stop futzing about something. Sometimes they try ritual, “compulsive” activity like cleaning the kitchen again and again and again to stop their minds, which has a possible upside for the slobs in the family who can’t believe how clean the kitchen looks, but it does get in the way when one of the slobs is trying to make lunch. Sometimes they do stuff that has no upside whatsoever like constantly washing their hands in the bathroom which can be disturbing especially when one of the slobs prepared some questionable food for the others resulting in long waiting lines outside the bathroom. A ritual activity that is understandably rarely tried because the afflicted are sure it won’t work, and it probably won’t, is to sit still when their minds go bonkers and enjoy the ride. However, almost no one does this because it is far more fun to clean the kitchen which probably needs it after a slob has just made lunch.

Sociopath:

[Pendragon]

Sociopath: One who conscience wandered off the beaten path so early that it's like they weren't born with one

Fear:

[Pompey Bum]

Narcissist

Per Gore Vidal, someone who is better looking than you are. :)

Fear: Wisdom on drugs.

Self-righteousness

[YesNo]

Self-Righteousness: Feeling justified enough to beat the living daylights out of an innocent bystander.

Co-dependence

[Pompey Bum]

Co-dependence: A mutually debilitating relationship between rustler and cattle. No wait, that's cow dependence...

Altruism

[YesNo]

Altruism: Sharing so everyone can have a good time.

Attention

[Pompey Bum]

Attention: A finite resource whose apparent deficit is the 21st century equivalent of "My dog ate it."

Terrorism

[YesNo]

Terrorism: A pragmatic philosophy of armed self-righteousness.

Elvis Impersonator

[Pompey Bum]

Terrorism: A pragmatic philosophy of armed self-righteousness.

Hmmmm. Yes, I would have said: the logical consequences of a politics of victimization.

Elvis Impersonator: In the words of the late great Mario Cuomo, "Schmaltz yes, but good schmaltz!"

Vaccination

[YesNo]

Hmmmm. Yes, I would have said: the logical consequences of a politics of victimization.

Elvis Impersonator: In the words of the late great Mario Cuomo, "Schmaltz yes, but good schmaltz!"


That works. I was also thinking something like the following might work: "A label for an enemy’s patriotism."

I didn't know Mario Cuomo died.

Vaccination: A way to tell the body who its enemies are.

Big Data

[Pompey Bum]

I didn't know Mario Cuomo died.

Yeah, on New Years Day of this year. He had made the comments when criticized over plans for 100 Elvis imitators to perform a number during the ceremony for the rededication of the Statue of Liberty. Bring me your huddled masses, Mama.

Big Data: Southern patriarch in the Brent Spiner version of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. (That was for you, Papayahed :)).

Cowboy

[Calidore]

Cowboy: Bull

Heifer

[Pompey Bum]

Heifer: Founding uddertor of Playboy.

Paranoid

[Calidore]

Paranoid: http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_small/5/51355/2626148-untitled.pnghttp://static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_small/5/51355/2626148-untitled.png

Happenstance

[Pendragon]

Happenstance: Whatever stance you happen to been in when the Zombie Apocalypse happens...

Irrational:

[YesNo]

Irrational: What person A calls person B when person A can’t think of anything rational to say.

Cognitive Dissonance

[Pendragon]

Cognitive Dissonance: Having "American Pie" stuck in your head for any extended length of time, a common cause of mental illness

Psychiatrist:

[YesNo]

Psychiatrist: Someone affectionately viewed as a form of Amazonian “head-shrinker” or, as the laity who have a hard time with big words like to shorten it, “shrink”. This hasn’t bothered psychiatrists who love it when their patients believe they have more power than they actually do.

Determinism

[Pompey Bum]

Determinism: An understanding that the freedom to do what you want is enslaved by the tyranny of not being able to will what you want to do.

Diet

[YesNo]

Diet: A battle of wits between mind and matter.

Crash

[Pendragon]

Crash: Usual result of drinking and driving 2) Word for a group of rhinos (I am NOT making that up!)

Humor:

[YesNo]

Humor: A measure of sanity based on the output of human chatter. If you can laugh, you are sane. If you cannot laugh, look at those idiots laughing. Sanity is overrated.

Joke

[Pompey Bum]

Joke: What happens if you try to eat jeese to quickly.

Climax

[Pendragon]

Climax: In deference to our younger readers I will only say this: Perhaps 15 seconds of rapture for a hour or more of work

Woman:

[Pompey Bum]

Oh heavens, PD, I was talking about Aristotle! :)

Woman: A sex or gender depending on one's political orientation.

Father

[YesNo]

Father: One of the two that it took to tangle.

Cold Comfort

[Pendragon]

Cold Comfort: 1) Electric blanket 2) an event that makes the problem worse not better

Fly:

[Dark Muse]

Fly: What birds can do, and of which it is not recommended for humans to attempt unless aided by specially designed modes of transport.

Feather

[Hawkman]

Feather: a modified scale and also a weight class in boxing. The weight of the boxer significantly exceeds that of the modified scale, unless, that is, the modified scale belongs to a giant Roc. In a pugilistic contest between a boxer and a Roc, the Roc always wins, regardless of the weight class of the boxer.

Dramatist.

[Pendragon]

Dramatist: One who overacts to the point of foolishness over everything that happens, i.e. Drama Queen

Snoop:

[YesNo]

Snoop: Digging for dirt while hoping one doesn’t find gold.

Playing Cards

[Iain Sparrow]

Playing Cards: What one does shortly before losing money; because you've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

Disneyland:

[Pompey Bum]

Disneyland: Like Vegas but not as tasteful.

Orbit

[YesNo]

Orbit: Like going around and around and around until you get so dizzy you fall into the Sun.

Warped

[Pendragon]

Warped: Your sense of humor when compared to my flawless wit

Pompous:

[MystyrMystyry]

Pompous 1) Old name for Pompeii before it got Mount Vesuviused into the ground 2) An adjective to describe a type of donkey, or mule, or erudite social climber (archaic)


Politician

[YesNo]

Politician: Someone who gives morning news show hosts something to whine about.

Short Selling

[Hawkman]

1. What a barman does to double his profits. 2. (archaic) a term for a slave market which specialises in persons of restricted growth.

Insouciance:

[Pendragon]

Insouciance: Too indifferent to look up what the word really means

Ad hoc:

[YesNo]

Ad Hoc: A workaround one hopes that one never has to repeat.

Tree

[Pompey Bum]

Tree: A life with a direction.

Pancake

[YesNo]

Pancake: A delicious way to consume wheat. It is best when they come as triplets stacked hot with butter and maple syrup and a three-egg omelette stuffed with vegetables and fried potatoes on the side with generous amounts of black coffee to wash it all down.

Ice Cream

[Pompey Bum]

Ice Cream: An edible substance that fraudulently leads on consumers with empty promises of ice.

Engagement

[YesNo]

Engagement: A ritual foreplay that requires the male to make a gift of a diamond ring while begging a female to accept it as down payment that he will ultimately show up later. The female is typically allowed to accept only one ring at a time.

Wedding

[Pendragon]

Wedding: The acknowledgement of the world that two persons who have been together for years now have a legal right to be together.

Date:

[Dark Muse]

Date: A type of fruit which grows on palm trees native to North Africa and the Middleast.

Brunch

[YesNo]

Brunch: A meal for those who missed breakfast and can’t wait for lunch.

Death

[mona amon]

Death = The end result of living.

Abnormal

[mal4mac]

Abnormal: the defining condition of everyone but myself.

Zeitgeist

[Pompey Bum]

Zeitgeist: Like a poltergeist but harder to get rid of.

Carnivore

[YesNo]

Carnivore: A creature high up on the food chain, however, worms have been known to find them delicious with or without a nice steak sauce.

Momentum

[Pompey Bum]

Momentum: An excuse objects use for not staying at rest.

Romance

[mona amon]

Momentum - the quantity of motion of a moving body, measured as a product of its mass and velocity, a useful definition for anyone who knows the meaning (in physics) of the word 'velocity'.

Oops, cross posted with Pompey!

Romance - A novel in which a dark, handsome, wonderful millionaire meets and ultimately marries a fairly obscure and ordinary woman.

Imaginary

[YesNo]

Imaginary: That part of the very little we are aware of that has lost its credibility.

Soup

[mal4mac]

Soup - meat & two veg with gravy, without the meat & two veg.

Noah

[Pompey Bum]

Noah: A negative response to the question: "Do you smokah?"

Plenipotentiary

[mal4mac]

Plenipotentiary: a diplomat possessing absolute authority, and encouragement, to break all the laws in some other country.

Caliphate

[Pompey Bum]

Caliphate: The wedding night of religion and anarchy.

Career

[YesNo]

Career: An imaginary path with never-ending goals and obstacles most successfully taken when one finally realizes there never was a real path there to take at all.

Disaster

[Pendragon]

Disaster: Any problem that might effect my waistline, life line, or the bottom line

Cheerful:

[YesNo]

Cheerful: Our natural state until we start worrying that it will not last and then it stops.

Fear

[mal4mac]

Fear: The number after free

Bleak

[YesNo]

Bleak: A place that could use a happy face, so here it is: :)

Gift

[Lokasenna]

Gift: A nefarious tool for placing someone in a position of obligation to you; the giving of gifts demonstrates humanity's highest capacity for malice, having turned charity into a form of entrapment.

End:

[YesNo]

End: That part of a movie where it is OK to get up and leave. That part of a book where you can stop reading and still legitimately claim that you finished it. That part of your body that kisses the chair.

Eye Drops

[Pendragon]

Eye Drops: Artificial tears in case you actually run out of real ones

Nightmare:

[mal4mac]

Nightmare: a nice diversion from reality.

Modernism

[mona amon]

Nightmare - a horse that is nocturnal and female.

modernism - recent trends in art, literature, music, etc. which will soon be considered hopelessly outdated.

Magnum opus

[mal4mac]

Magnum opus - the time of night when you start asking the cat to serve you what's left in the champagne crate.

Decollate

[Pendragon]

Decollate: To shorten one's life by a head

Infamy:

[YesNo]

Infamy: An entertaining account of events when the bad guys win.

Creative Nonfiction

[Lokasenna]

Creative Nonfiction: Lies that avoid prosecution for libel by dint of reaching the best-seller list.

Here:

[mal4mac]

Here: Not there

There

[YesNo]

There: Not here, like “then” being “not now”. If it is sound advice, and it is, for you to be here now, it is also best if you are not there then at the same time or at least have the probability that you are there then less than or equal to the probability that you are here now.

Detachment

[MystyrMystyry]

Detachment Opposite of an Attachment. For instance many of the bits in the box of your new vacuum cleaner. They don't attach anywhere, therefore they may be considered detachments

Vacuum

[YesNo]

Vacuum: An imaginary region of space persisting for a period of time containing nothing except a “ground state”, whatever that is, and the space and time defining its limits.


A vacuum should not contain space.
Nor time. Where does it need to race?
Be a point? Something less.
Something more? Let me guess:
Some awareness that won’t show its face. Alice, IF


Oxymoron

[Pendragon]

Oxymoron: Too stupid to even breathe


Plagiarism:

[Lokasenna]

Plagiarism: A crime for most of humanity, but at university we term it 'research'.

Chronicle:

[mal4mac]

Chronicle: a time travelling flat bottomed boat invented by the Welsh.

Palimpsest

[Pendragon]

Palimpsest: Proof that censorship and plagiarism was rampant even in the Middle Ages.

ad infinitum:

[Pompey Bum]

ad infinitum: A way of saying endless in a language that ended.

earnestness

[mal4mac]

earnestness - a general restlessness leading to failed ventures and an early death.

tranquility

[Pompey Bum]

Tranquility: An early death

Serendipity

[mal4mac]

Serendipity: the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. In other words, an impossiblity. Remember whose dictionary, and universe, this is :reddevil:.

Devil

[YesNo]

Devil: Someone who teases you with the illusory cage of matter and gives you hell, but smiles when you end your struggling by walking through the walls.

Patience

[Pompey Bum]

Patience: An English form of the Latin word for suffering.

Patience is a virtue,
Possess it if you can;
Seldom in a woman,
And never in a man.

Passion (from a related Latin root, btw):

[YesNo]

Passion: Fire, suit of wands, instinct, intuition. Suffering. Ecstasy. Driven, driving fantasy.

Projection

[mal4mac]

Projection: A British project that attempted to generate oxygen ions, with the aim of creating static shocks in panzer tanks in WWII. Mostly a failure, it just made the storm-troopers angry.

Utopia

[Pompey Bum]

Utopia: A contrived Greek word meaning "no place."

Soviet Union

[mal4mac]

Soviet Union: a collection of atheist nations that denied the existence of the devil, and paid the consequences.

silly mid off

[Pompey Bum]

A position in Jiminey Cricket's Sex Manuel; forerunner of the silly walk.

Caviar

[mona amon]

Caviar - ridiculously overpriced fish eggs

Dipsomaniac

[Pompey Bum]

Dipsomaniac: an alcoholic who can still afford a psychiatrist

Armed forces

[Pendragon]

Armed Forces: Military personnel who are sometimes called "peace keepers", "consultants", and "supporting troops" because to call them soldiers would sound too much like a declaration of war.

Insurgents:

[Pompey Bum]

Insurgents: Armed civilians whose healthcare insurance no longer covers anger management

Cigarettes

[YesNo]

Cigarettes: Dried plant life, often tobacco or marijuana, wrapped in thin paper. The point of constructing this is to light up one end while lips hold the other end still. Then comes the inhaling and exhaling. The smoke follows the breath into the lungs and out again under the theory that normal air is not organic enough for civilized consumption.

Oil

[Pompey Bum]

Oil: A vestige of the dinosaur that retains much of its potential for killing. Historical: A substance in the head of a whale sometimes confused with sperm.

Zoo