Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

[mona amon]

Worry: getting all worked up and stressed out over all the bad things that might not even happen.

Stress: The end result of worry.

Memory:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Memory: The only thing I've really paid attention to since the 6th grade when some of the girls from 5th grade came back from summer vacation with them.

Antelope:

[YesNo]

Antelope: An animal with hooves like a cow or goat that has not found a way to convince humans to exploit it and so will probably go extinct.

Exploitation:

[Pendragon]

Exploitation: The art of making a mountain out of a molehill

Riot:

[YesNo]

Riot: An uncontrolled forest fire in the streets.

Control:

[Pendragon]

Control: 1) A restriction of movement by mechanical, physical, mental, or legal influence ex.) Medicine is used to control his mental illness. 2) To cause movement in a already designated fashion by mechanical, physical, mental, or legal influence ex.) Brainwashed by a cult. Roger's religious beliefs control his way of thinking.

Disorder:

[YesNo]

Disorder: An unpleasant arrangement of reality that might be resolved with a mop and broom if one didn’t have better things to do.

Mop:

[Pendragon]

Mop: 1) A thing consisting of a cloth head and wooden pole used to scrub floors. 2) To use such a thing 3) unruly hair badly in need of a barber

Barber:

[mona amon]

Barber: In olden days, a person who cuts hair for a few bucks. Now replaced by 'coiffeurs' or 'hair stylists' who do the same job for a lot more money.

Butcher:

[Pendragon]

Butcher: 1) One skilled with a cleaver who cuts meat for a living 2) To break down an animal carcass into parts used for cooking 3) Brutal murder, often with severe overkill 4) destroying language by poor grammar, spelling, or ignorance of the language's proper use

Distasteful:

[YesNo]

Distasteful: The opposite of tasteful whatever that means.

Highlighter:

[Pendragon]

Highlighter: Pen commonly used in college to mark monumental sections of text in those oh so expensive class books, which sounds crazy when you look through one years later and wonder why you needed to know that "A scientific statement makes predictions that can be proven wrong." Like, wow, right? I'm sure you use that gem every day!

Problematical:

[YesNo]

Problematical: A position that rubs other positions the wrong way.

Law of Physics:

[Pendragon]

Law of Physics: The bane of pseudo-scientific theory, smacking fantasies in the face with a dash of cold reality

Unproven:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Unproven: The poppycock, bunk, drivel and swill that vomits forth from the spittle-laden mouths of internet radio talk show hosts.

Hobnob:

[Pendragon]

Hobnob: To bootlick your way into a social gathering beyond your station by ingratiating your self with false praise and insincere hero worship

Lazy:

[YesNo]

Lazy: A life skill that obsessive compulsive people didn’t learn.

Skill:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Skill: A flat-bottomed pan used for frying, searing or browning. Sorry, that's skillet. Skill: Something you spend years developing in hopes of impressing a girl, only to find out she prefers other girls.

Pointless:

[Dark Muse]

Pointless: A spear without a pointed head otherwise known as a staff.

Mundane:

[Pendragon]

Mundane: Fancy word for "common", "plain", etc. used when one feels pompous in one's oratory: Ex: Preacher: "The Word of God does not adhere to the mundane facets of earthly mortification!" Say What?

Macabre:

[YesNo]

Macabre: Something normal folk think goes best with words like grim, ghastly, gruesome and gross.

Gross:

[Pendragon]

Gross: 1) a dozen dozen 2) One who eats a dozen dozen at one time

Obese:

[mona amon]

Obese: What happens when one eats a dozen dozen dozens of times.

Cheese

[Tyrion Cheddar]

In lieu of a dozen dozen--donuts, that is, the nice ones with jam on the inside and fine powdered sugar on top--a penchant for the fermented curd will make one obese.

Ferment:

[Pendragon]

Ferment: A chemical reaction that transforms grapes into wine, hops into beer, curd into cheese, and fools into politicians

Chemical:

[YesNo]

Chemical: An atom or molecule the theory of chemistry focuses on to make predictions such as hydrogen, oxygen and chemical X.

Upscale resale:

[Pendragon]

Upscale resale: To purchase an expensive item second hand

Jump to conclusions: The ease with which an irrational answer is given when something unexplained happens!

unexplained:

[YesNo]

Unexplained: Something that doesn’t fit easily into current theories and so has to be monkeyed with to protect the current theories from being overthrown.

Overthrown:

[Pendragon]

Overthrown: Now considered unlikely in light of recent discoveries or because it obviously doesn't answer the current question

Question:

[Dark Muse]

Question: What?

Answer:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Who.

Alto:

[YesNo]

Alto: High as compared with low, however, were it a voice type it would be somewhere between soprano and bass which would probably make it medium. It could also refer to the high Alto Mountains, if they existed.

Golden Mean:

[Pendragon]

Golden Mean: Geometrically miserly

Parsimonious:

[YesNo]

Parsimonious: An alternative to the “cash is trash” world view.

Alternative:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Often good music that used to simply be referred to as music before boy bands and Taylor Swift appeared.

Progressive.

[Pendragon]

Progressive. Steadily growing worse to a pessimist; gradually getting better to an optimist

Backward:

[YesNo]

Backward: A form of motion that comes natural for those with eyes in the back of their heads.

Natural:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Natural: The aroma of a field right after it's been fertilized.

Aroma.

[YesNo]

Aroma: A surprising and sometimes delightful spike in olfactory sensation such as when an espresso comes close to the nose or just after the manure spreader has emptied its load.

Espresso:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Espresso: A beverage people often mispronounce 'expresso' when ordering, which, even though I know there is a beverage called expresso, as well, ordering this latter variant of espresso is not the intention of the restaurant patron. To describe my reaction at such moments as peevish is to describe Abraham Lincoln as not feeling well at the moment, since when I hear 'Expresso...' leaving the lips of said patron I want to drive a stainless steel railroad spike through his or her thorax.

Thorax:

[Dark Muse]

Thorax: Caveman speech for Thor's Ax which of course he uses when his Hammer is being polished.

Insect:

[Pendragon]

Insect: A six legged wonder of nature until it crawls across your arm in the dark!

Gross Darkness:

[YesNo]

Gross Darkness: A phrase from Isaiah and Jeremiah describing conditions as if without the Lord where the loss of light would smother life in hopeless heartlessness.

Hopeless:

[Pendragon]

Hopeless: Achievable but not without great sacrifice and diligent work. The major part of people will give up, which is true hopelessness...

Diligent:

[YesNo]

Diligent: The opposite of sloth, not the animal but the deadly sin. The sloth (animal) is as diligent as any couch potato is likely to get.

Deadly sin:

[Pendragon]

Deadly sin: In the Bible, any infraction of God's Law. For the Catholic Church and now others worldwide one of seven: Greed, Envy, Wrath, Gluttony, Sloth, Pride, and Lust

Greed:

[YesNo]

Greed: An abnormal fear of poverty that makes even those who have too much want more.

More:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

An English lawyer, social philosopher, author, statesman and noted Renaissance humanist. He was also a councillor to Henry VIII, and Lord High Chancellor of England from October 1529 to 16 May 1532.

English:

[Pendragon]

English: 1) British, despite Scotland and Wales. 2) Brit speak 3) American language, 4) Press 1 for

Foreign:

[YesNo]

Foreign: Something one can do without if worse comes to worst.

Worse comes to worst:

[Pendragon]

Worse comes to worst: A nebulous measure of bad luck. One tends to forget that no matter how bad things get, worse or worst, they can always be more worse...

Empirical:

[YesNo]

Empirical: The belief that if one actually sees it with one’s own eyes one will finally believe it.

Eyes:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Eyes: The thing that comes before E, except after C.

Exception:

[Pendragon]

Exception: The explanation that solves the problems that do not fit the given theory

Bogus:

[YesNo]

Bogus: That part of a theory we hope isn’t true and as far as we're concerned might as well not be.

Morning Glory:

[Pendragon]

Morning Glory: Flower of the nuisance binder weed plant that manages to save that plant from total annihilation!

Nuisance:

[YesNo]

Nuisance: An inconvenience nature in her fickleness provides for her entertainment.

Crowdsource:

[Pendragon]

Crowdsource: Information by mob rather than a direct interview, which gives the news the advantage of not having to reveal their sources even under court order, because they have no source, just a rumor repeated

News:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Crowdsource: The last remaining way for truly gifted musicians to finance their albums.

Finance:

[YesNo]

News: What was yesterday speculation and will become stale by tomorrow. Might as well not bother.

Finance: A study of the root of all evil to make sure one doesn't miss out.

Stale:

[Pendragon]

Stale: Not fresh, so there is a lot of stale wit displayed by people each and every day 2) The only bread available in the house when you desperately need that midnight snack!

Enthusiastic:

[YesNo]

Enthusiastic: An eagerness, perhaps foolish, perhaps not, but the eagerness will make it difficult to tell which one it is.

Foolish:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Any person hailing from the land of Folly, the world's most populous nation.

Half-wit:

[Pendragon]

Half-wit: 1) A person whom you feel that you have an advantage over in the brains department 2) What that person thinks about your IQ level

Morbid:

[Calidore]

Morbid: To raise your offer at an auction

Trellis

[YesNo]

Trellis: An object, like a pole, around which certain plants, who did not have the evolutionary motivation to bother solving the support problem, can entangle themselves. Often these plants have noticed this vertical object is something a human has left near them. Some of their members have even advanced theories suggesting that humans place these objects near them on purpose. Most plants, however, are sensibly skeptical of such theories and maintain the evidence for human intentionality is still weak.

Pole:

[Pendragon]

Pole: During the teenage right of passage process in High School, it goes like this. Several Seniors grab a Freshman and drop them nuts first onto an outside banister rail. The painful result is called Polling, and the action "to pole." Used thus: "Did you hear that nerd scream when Mac and me poled him? HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Swirly:

[YesNo]

Swirly: A hairdo made possible by the invention of the flush toilet and laws requiring the educational system to continue teaching certain children long after they could be taught anything.

Tank:

[Pendragon]

Tank: An old friend of the "swirly" back when toilets had exposed tanks for flushing. The victim's face would be dunked or "Tanked" by forcing their face into the tank on the commode. To do this to a hapless victim was to "tank" him

Wedggie:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Wedgie: 1) A large Italian sandwich consisting of layers of cold cuts, stacked on a hero, 2) Any occasion on which an unwitting high school boy has his undies hoisted northward as far as nature will allow by itinerant bullies, creating a sensation which, in some few cases, the victim finds pleasurable, such that later in life he finds himself ordering couture women's unmentionables from foreign vendors in an effort to relive it in ever new and exotic ways.

Herculean:

[Pendragon]

Herculean: 1) A task requiring great strength and courage 2) A task given by a sadistic boss that even Hercules could not do


River Styx:

[YesNo]

River Styx: The final of five rivers the dead must cross in order to find rest in the underworld of the ancient Greek hell, a place the dead have about the same likelihood of escaping as the living do from their debt obligations.

Debt:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Debt: That thing you acquire as a mature adult which brings to a frustrating and disappointing end the era of carefree and impulsive spending which during your youth allowed you to fill your Amazon shopping basket to your heart's content.

Impulsive:

[YesNo]

Impulsive: A wave of action followed by regret which is soon forgotten for the next wave.

Wave:

[Pendragon]

Wave: That part of the great oceans that laps forever at the edge of land. Sometimes they are small and sometimes large enough to cause drastic restructuring of the map...

Breakers:

[YesNo]

Breakers: This could be a mansion built by the Vanderbilts, but usually one puts “The” in front of the word. Perhaps a chain of restaurants or resorts? Nah. More than likely it is a noun in search of an adjective (or an adjective in search of a noun for all I know), but what adjective would want to be associated with it? Perhaps “spring” wouldn’t mind or “ice”, or even “circuit”, but more often it is “heart”.

Circuit:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Sir Cut was apparently a knave at first, known for gallivanting about the countryside in a mohair shirt, billowy pantaloons and spats, and wantonly bursting in on tavern wenches mid-boink with a cry of "What's all this, then!" Later knighted by Lord Henry Higgle-Bottom Jones on account o' he knocked up 'is Lordship's daughter.

Billow.

[Pendragon]

Billow. 1) Large wave 2) the word bellow when the auto correct doesn't catch it because it is actually a word

Breakers: Waves dashing against a hidden reef... :rolleyes:

Port:

[YesNo]

Port: A place where one can move between land transportation and water transportation as distinct from a beach where the movement is easier and more pleasant.

Beach:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

You couldn't have let me answer the port one? See, I had this great segue from my previous post in which I was going to define port as something offered by a tavern wench for a farthing, for which the patron also got a mug of ale and a mince pie. <sigh> Guess I'll have to settle for...

Beach: Something tavern patrons frequently shout at a wench when said patron is so in 'is cups he can't raise the mainsail and wants to blame her rather than admit to 'is own, er, malfunction.

Inadequate.

[Pendragon]

Inadequate. Something that fails to come up to ones rather exacting expectations

Brief:

[YesNo]

Brief: Something so short the audience doesn’t have time to fall asleep.

Sleep:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

That thing you put off as long as possible 'cause you're having too good a time goofing around on the internet.

Goof:

[YesNo]

Goof: A person or individual who can be accused of “goofing around” which for some is the only safe thing to do when they are not sleeping.

Accuse:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Accuse: an onomatopoeia intended to represent the sound of someone sneezing, to which the customary reply is "God bless you."

Custom:

[Pendragon]

Custom: An ancient ritual that hasn't yet offended someone. Give it time...


Offended:

[mona amon]

Offended: Caused someone's fragile self esteem to shatter.

fragile

[Pendragon]

fragile: Easily broken by anything that doesn't hit it just right, like something failing to come up to their narrow minded expectations shatters people's ego and self worth


Ego:

[YesNo]

Ego: An “I” that thinks this is all that it’s about.

Expectation:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Expectation: To cough phlegm out of the lungs. Do cover your mouths, folks. Tis disgusting and all.

Obtuse:

[Pendragon]

Obtuse: So far out of touch that everything shocks, offends, or insults their intelligence

Moron:

[YesNo]

Moron: Short way of writing “more on”, like, “There’s moron TV if you wanna watch, Ned.”

Blood Moon:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Blood moon: What happens when you toss blood sausage and a moon pie in a blender, and which should only be fed to one's worst enemies--and then from a safe distance.

Blood oath:

[Pendragon]

Blood oath: What you blurt out when you cut yourself

Sanguine:

[YesNo]

Sanguine: Someone who feels in his rosy-red blood, in his gut, in his bones that things are going his way. Pessimists view this as delusional personality dysfunction. Optimists just have a good time.

Dysfunction:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Dysfunction: The part of the instruction manual accompanying any modern electronic device which helps you learn how to use your new toy not only because you've finally found the section printed in English, but because it clearly states: "Dys function does dys, dat function does dat."

Manual:

[YesNo]

Manual: Information included in the box of most consumer products that no one expects you to read.

Information:

[Pendragon]

Information: Something one has been told. That means that information and fact are not the same thing...

Pathological Liar:

[YesNo]

Pathological Liar: Someone whose version truth with a twist goes over the top.

Twist:

[Pendragon]

Twist: A painful predicament that causes one to become touchy, as in "Dinnae get tha knickers in a twist, lassie!"

Predicament:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Predicament: What the Weather Channel purports to do except they're always wrong.

Confound:

[YesNo]

Confound: To cause confusion which is a lot like cold fusion but warmer.

Warm:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Warm: The feeling I get in certain regions when blood flows disproportionately thither during the Victoria's Secret fashion show.

Angel:

[Pendragon]

Angel: I've covered this before, but here goes again. A human with wings although none of the angels that came to the people in the Bible to tell them things was ever described as having wings. There were winged CREATURES such as seraphim mentioned, but no winged humans. One wonders where Christianity got the idea of winged humans as angels. Not from the Bible, that is certain.

Religion:

[YesNo]

Religion: An set of shared beliefs and guided practices involving sight, sound and motion coordinating the physical body, mind and spirit with the aim of bringing the participant in a community closer to and more aware of higher, loving consciousness.

Community:

[Pendragon]

Community: Any group of people who live in a designated area.

Black Sheep:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Community: A word which, if I hear it one more time, I'm going to grab a hunting rifle, climb atop a water tower, and begin picking off unsuspecting K-mart shoppers. For thirty years, activists and annoying people of all varieties, having appropriated the word community and turned it into a political weapon, have been shoving it down my throat, and I've had it, I tell you, had it. A community is a neighborhood, or, possibly, the congregation of a church or synagogue. I have spoken, and thus, no more need be said. <drinks peach schnapps>

Blunderbuss.

[YesNo]

Black Sheep: Sheep whose wool is already dyed.

Blunderbuss: A primitive shotgun which could kill you just as dead as the more advanced version.

Advanced:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Advanced: Not the same thing as wasabe. You could order a hundred cucumber maki at a hundred different sushi joints, and nobody'd ever give you a serving of advanced to dip it in. California rolls, salmon nigiri, same result. Of course, that cuts both ways. I knew some smart kids in high school, but not a one of them ever took Wasabe Placement Calculus.

Mercurial:

[YesNo]

Mercurial: A fancy way to say “fickle” which is what you should use since almost no one you are likely to be talking to knows what mercurial means.

Fickle:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Your point about the use of mercurial is one with which I must disagree, and for two reasons. First, I've been on a campaign to stop dumbing myself down for the sake of others; it is destructive to the mind, and I'm not obligated to pretend to be uneducated just 'cause someone else ain't got two brain cells to rub together. Second, speaking at my level without dilution is a good way of filtering out the rude, crude and just plain dull. But I digress...

Fickle: A cucumber wot's been sealed inside a jar in a brine solution.

Kosher:

[Pendragon]

Kosher: In a Jewish sense, pure, fit or allowed to be eaten or used, according to the dietary or ceremonial laws. In a marketing sense, a ploy to make food sound better, figuring that people will believe the food has some magical property that makes it better.

Edible:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Edible: Taylor Swift's panties. (NB: there are so many directions I could have gone in with this one, my mind was simply flooded with ideas and images--most of them Biblically proscribed. I chose to keep it simple.)

Nibble:

[Pendragon]

Nibble: To take an experimental taste, usually right before a spitting fit

Delectable:

[YesNo]

Nibble: What Hansel and Gretal did to the witch’s edible house. There are lessons here: (1) Don’t eat other people’s houses. (2) Don’t eat the house belonging to a witch. (3) Don’t build your house out of edible material unless you are trying to trap hungry children lost in the woods.


Delectable: How a witch's candy house in the middle of the forest should taste.

Lesson:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Lesson: What people won't do when you try to talk sense to them, no matter how many times they've been trapped by a witch.

Grim:

[Pendragon]

Grim: 1) The supernaturally powered policemen on the show-- no, wait, that's Grimm 2) Anyway one of two fairy tale collecting brothers... no, that is Grimm, as well hummmmm... 3) foreboding


Fairy Tale:

[YesNo]

Fairy Tale: A story too unreal to be believed but not too unreal to be told.

Connection:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Connection: That thing which, when it goes out and you can't get online, causes your blood to boil and smoke to come out your ears as if you'd been cursed by a witch straight out of a Grimm's fairy tale.

Coronary:

[Pendragon]

Coronary: Doctor Speak for "Heart attack"

Doctor:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Doctor: A guy who gets sued a lot.

Scheister:

[Pendragon]

Scheister: German for sh*t The French is Merde May also be translated as "Shyster" which is a lawyer who is full of it

Folie à deux:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Folie a deux (don't know how to do accent markings): Technically it means shared psychosis, but since there's an owl hooting in the woods outside my house, I'm going to take liberties and instead say it means the same as Foie gras, liver of a goose or duck wot has been fattened up and slaughtered just to make spread for our crackers. So you see, my reign of wit continues with this latest gibe, thus whetting your appetites in anticipation of my next tumble down the well of jocularity.

Hoot:

[YesNo]

Hoot: A noise made by an owl perhaps to search for a mate perhaps just because it is a owl and doesn’t know any better.

Epidemic hysteria:

[Pendragon]

Epidemic hysteria: One of many reasons, most of them entirely stupid, to explain why 200 people who are not all from the same family saw a UFO over town last night. (NOTE: We are on a fly by from two or more Army Bases, and refueling exercises are sometimes mistaken for UFO's. When the Stealth was being tested in the air here, it was reported as a UFO as far North as Roanoke, roughly 140 miles North. Why can't they just say we were doing Arial tests in that area and that's what you saw?)

UFO:

[YesNo]

UFO: An acronym standing for Mass Psychogenic Illness--or maybe not.

Acronym:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Acronym: a city south of Lake Erie, and the fifth largest city in Ohio. Wait, that's Akron.

Dullsville:

[YesNo]

Dullsville: Take Exit 13 off I-666. You can’t miss it.

Interstate:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Interstate: an over-hyped movie by Christopher Nolan, whose other films are nothing short of genius. This one, however, was more of a kludge, featuring several themes thrown together into one not entirely cohesive whole. It was, in my view, Nolan's first less than stellar (sorry) effort.

Matt Damon:

[Pendragon]

Matt Damon: Jason Borne

Johnny Depp:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Johnny Depp: So over it's painful. Please, Johnny, go away.

Vexatious:

[Pendragon]

Vexatious: Aggravating, something a lot of this "political correctness" and the "I'm offended so you better change" movement has become

Hype:

[YesNo]

Hype: To use one’s mouth to put a spin on something. This generates a large amount of BS which, taking the path of least resistance, hits the fan.

Fan:

[Pendragon]

Fan: 1) Paper thing created by the Chinese that is hand held and can double as a weapon. 2) Caged propeller that spins and blows air towards the direction it is pointed. 3) To display playing cards with a flourish 4) the mythological object that takes it in the kisser when the chips are down and the BS high

Flourish:

[tailor STATELY]

Flourish:

• The Pillsbury Dough Boy
• What one does after sieving flour
• Food that reeks of flour

Sieve:

[Pendragon]

Sieve: One of the holiest things in a kitchen. (rimshot!)


Holy:

[YesNo]

Holy: Something full of holes, like the ego of a saintly person that has become so diaphanous, so not-there, that his or her bliss shines through making the rest of us wonder what in hell is stopping us from doing the same.

Diaphanous:

[Pendragon]

Diaphanous: Translucent, jawbreaker words for "see through" as in "see through" blouse

Jawbreaker:

[tailor STATELY]

Jaw Breaker:

• One who emulates those soldier guys who crack nuts à la "The Nutcracker" (or "Jaws" from the James Bond series)
• Malicious candy invented by dentists (yeah - the same ones who hand out toothbrushes at Halloween); usually sold in gumball type machines

Toothbrush:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Toothbrush: Something South Koreans apparently use every five minutes. In their schools, the kids each have a tiny toothbrush locker in the restrooms for use after lunch. They are the most tooth lovin' culture this side of Transylvania.

YesNo: Your comment re: holy really impressed me.

Scobberlotcher:

[Pendragon]

Scobberlotcher: One who drools a lot due to extreme laziness, usually while loafing in a public place thereby driving away any value people gain by visiting said place. For example our town built a trail along the river for exercise hikers. But it's also near the railroad and hobos camp in the area. These people are Scobberlotching, and it makes the trail dangerous at times.

Steampunk:

[YesNo]

YesNo: Your comment re: holy really impressed me.

Thanks, Tyrion Cheddar!

Steampunk: A metallic fascination with the mechanistic 19th century.

19th century:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

The setting for many a great whodunit, retro history Netflix series, and steampunk novel; the birthplace of serial killing; the time when steam and coal were harnessed to produce electricity; the time when Victoria's peers owned all the land and the underclass worked it, when not carrying hot water up flights of stairs for said gentry's baths; and, I dare say, twas the age of gothic literature--whence comes the term 'goth'--as well as tuberculosis, all leading to a lot of kids in dark clothes and pale make-up dancing to The Cure.

Wraith:

[YesNo]

Wraith: A mysterious, ghost-like creature some don’t believe in and so avoid taking unreasonable, superstitious precautions against like those who do not believe in car crashes and so avoid the precaution of fastening their seat belts until it is too late.

Seat Belt:

[Pendragon]

Seat Belt: A restraint now enforced by law. punishable by a fine, although I somehow have made it to the thresh hold of 55 and spent probably half without ever using a seat belt. We used to pile everyone into a car or van and go on long trips with kids seated on the laps of grown ups who had no seat belt. We also sat in folding chairs in the back of vans when the seats weren't even fastened to the floor! Not to mention riding in the backs of pickup trucks, setting on the edge or standing and trying to keep balanced! By today's thinking, I should have died during my twenties!

Balanced:

[YesNo]

Balanced: Being temperate in one’s choices so one diversifies and doesn’t go to extremes such as when one is eating it is healthier to pick selections from all the food groups rather than restricting oneself to only those foods that one likes. For example, it is more balanced for lunch to consist of diversified servings of chocolate as well as vanilla ice cream, say, three scoops of each, rather than six scoops of chocolate ice cream followed by six scoops of vanilla ice cream.

Diversification:

[Pendragon]

Diversification: To spread one's taste, money, or habits across a broad band of products. A diverse diet means that you are not restricted in any way, such as being a vegan. A diverse investment portfolio means you own stock in several companies, or invest in bonds, entrepreneurship, and precious metals. Diverse habits can mean you a both a drunk and a dope addict, and probably smoke as well.

Uncertain Sound:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Uncertain sound: a shuffling and a rasping outside the screen door, heard while standing at the kitchen sink with a glass of water, moonlight through the smaller swaying branches of the cherry tree, barren in winter's icy grip, dancing across the droplets in the sink. Could be swirling leaves. Probably a walker.

Oh ****:

[YesNo]

Oh ****: When this happens it is usually a sign that someone has flushed the toilet and down below, deep in the depths, at the end of the line, waiting impatiently, there is a demon with a funny grin on his (or her) face who has just turned on the fan.

Steppenwolf:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Steppenwolf: Possibly the greatest novel I've ever read. Certainly the most personal, the one that spoke to my soul as if written for me. It gave me relief in that it made me feel understood, represented, and given voice.

Hairy:

[Pendragon]

Hairy: 1) covered in hairy 2) bad--ex: a hairy situation 3) The type of spider that enables one to defy gravity getting the **** out of the room!

Gravity:

[YesNo]

Gravity: A theory that those who are trying to levitate during their yoga class will have to overcome.

Yoga:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Yoga: An ancient Indian approach to spiritual union applied in the modern world to physical health, and marketed aggressively by fitness companies and celebrity trainers who could give a rat's arse about spiritual and would rather have your money, as those boy toys aren't getting any cheaper.

Marketing:

[YesNo]

Marketing: The art of making someone want something they don’t need.

Hunting:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Hunting: A messy, outdoorsy sort of thing wot we had to do before there was Amazon. Now, soon, between 3D printers, delivery drones and robot butlers, we won't even have to get up off our bedsore-ridden hind ends, neither.

Lazy:

[tailor STATELY]

......

[Pendragon]

Lazy: Horizontally inclined on a couch with...

Firebrand:

[YesNo]

Firebrand: Someone who tries to get a crowd emotionally excited usually with negative intentions directed at an external target. Using an old mechanistic metaphor, a firebrand likes to “wind up” a crowd. This should be distinguished from “pushing that crowd’s buttons”. Although this is also a mechanistic metaphor, it is more likely to lead to the firebrand getting a non-metaphoric “butt kicking”.

Pushing someone's buttons:

[Pendragon]

Pushing someone's buttons: 1)Deliberately discussing controversial topics with someone with an opposing view 2) Deliberately making annoying noises, playing loud music, cutting people off in traffic, letting your dog go in the neighbor's yard-- you get the picture. In this day of "political correctness" and armed citizens, it is a good way to get yourself shot!

Gun Rights:

[YesNo]

Gun Rights: The rights of a honest, law-abiding gun to shoot whomever it pleases.

Shoot:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Shoot: Something which apparently can involve either turkey or crap. Mysterious, really, when you think about it.

Blunderbuss:

[YesNo]

Blunderbuss: A bus that took the wrong turn.

Lyric:

[Pendragon]

Lyrics: Words to a song which you know by heart until it comes to trying to sing it on amateur night when you stare into the crowd like a deer in the headlights, hit a noticeable wrong cord on your guitar, open your mouth and as drool splashes out gasp out what you think are the correct words but they aren't

Guitar:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Guitar: That thing which I play about 1/100th as well as I'd like to and dream of, and which has historically attracted most of my cash, as it still does, since between shiny new guitars and neat new pedals I could easily spend all of Bill Gates' money and more.

Money Pit:

[Pendragon]

Money Pit: Specifically, a "treasure pit" located on Oak Island, just off Nova Scotia, Canada where people have been trying to solve the mystery since 1795. That the "pit" was the work of men there is no doubt, but whoever created it wanted to really hold on to whatever is down there. Thousands of dollars have been sunk into the effort to get to the bottom of the mysterious "treasure", likely enough over more than two centuries to cover any treasure found there and more. The only money in that pit is what has been thrown down the toilet by "investors" in a legendary "treasure." see http://www.oakislandmoneypit.com/

Devil's Tower:

[YesNo]

Devils Tower: An igneous intrusion in Wyoming where the softer surface long ago has eroded away leaving the igneous stuff to take its sweet time.

Intrusion:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

The summer after Close Encounters of the Third Kind came out, I, as a fourteen-year-old devotee of the film, was on a trip out west and out of my mind to see and visit Devil's Tower, which I did, 'cause it had been used as the UFO landing site in the climactic final scene of the movie. Now, I should tell you, a UFO didn't actually land there. It was all just pretend.

Intrusion: OK, since joining this site, in view of its high-brow nature, I have been extraordinarily restrained, and I shall continue to do so, since I don't want to get booted. Therefore, rather than actually defining this word, I'll leave it to each of you to imagine what a foul-minded, uncouth, maggot-ridden low-life *might* say if he were left to his own devices. Not that I would. I'm couth.

Coot:

[Pendragon]

Coot: The guy with the white mustache and beard and salt and pepper hair that has drastically receded that keeps staring out of my mirror at me!

White Raven:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

White Raven: There are many references for this from popular culture, but I'm going to instead employ my usual lame-brained humor and say it's what was left after someone scared the regular raven half to death.

Carpathia:

[YesNo]

Carpathia: A transatlantic passenger steamboat that risked dangerous ice fields to pick up survivors of the Titanic.

Risk:

[Pendragon]

Risk: Depends on experience. A novice thinks little of free climbing down into a deep ravine on barely supportable rocky protrusions, falling and dying never occurring to him or her. (This is a true story, and the person was me!) Someone with experience views risk with trepidation, having fallen and not wanting to repeat the experience, so they remain on the couch watching action flicks, getting their risk thrills vicariously. (This is me some thirty years later!)

trepidation:

[YesNo]

Trepidation: A four syllable word that could be replaced, if we were machines, by the one syllable word, “fear”, and, come to think of it, if we were machines and didn’t have to talk to humans, we wouldn’t even need the word “fear”. But thankfully we don’t have to think about it.

Artificial intelligence:

[Pendragon]

Artificial intelligence: A disease that affects politicians and for which there is no cure...

Disease:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Disease: A slang way of referring to sleep, i.e. "I was catching da Z's."

Appalling:

[YesNo]

Appalling: How one might end up describing a movie advertising all its prizes at artsy film festivals if one made the mistake after knowing that and actually watched it.

Mistake:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Miss Take won several beauty pageants in the greater Beaumont area before marrying a promising young attorney, who later became Governor of Kansas, embarrassing his lady wife only the usual number of times on the way by getting caught with his pecker in the pickle jar.

Intern:

[tailor STATELY]

Intern1: We once put messages on pigeon's legs... that was outlawed in the year 2021. A more effective and less revealing method was devised in 2018 and proved, even back then, to maximize the covert bird messaging system utilized by the Harangen Hegemony (in dimension 8 of the Tyvlid Sorcerer's realm) brought into manifestation to the Tellurian world "Earth" due to the discovery of the ZEN quark (similar to the charmed quark but more elusive due to its spin in classical multi-phased dimensions - first demonstrated at Cornell University in 2016... leading to the first sustainable wormhole in 2017). One need merely insert 1015.7 pico-pico dots into a nano construct which allows the tern to be programmed after feeding. The nano construct serves two processes: first - install the tern's programming; second - to circumvent the tern's digestive system.

Intern2: One who installs nano constructs into a tern's feed. Some interns grossly refer to this as "buggering" the tern's food: an inaccurate and vulgar anachronism, even by present day 2037 standards.

Wormhole:

[YesNo]

Wormhole: A technique worms use to get from one part of the universe to another.

Worm:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Worm: What's left after eating the apple.

Tailor, you villain, I'll never be able to look at young, shapely students on Capitol Hill the same way again.

Exploitation:

[Pendragon]

Exploitation: Deliberately provoking any race, religion, political party, views on various things such as the death penalty, abortion, civil rights, etc. 2) This same institutions placing themselves in public view while deliberately acting stereotypical

Provoke:

[YesNo]

Provoke: A way to keep life interesting by keeping one’s enemies annoyed.

Saloon:

[Pendragon]

Saloon: A name given to beer joints or bars to make them seem more civilized, by making people misread the word as "Salon" a much more upscale nightclub catering to a more fashionable clientele:.

Civilized:

[YesNo]

Civilized: Someone who traded in his wild side for a suit.

Dwarf planet:

[tailor STATELY]

Dwarf planet:

1. Where Snow White's minions are from

2. A planet not worthy of the IAU due to their insufficient lack of brain mass

3. Erroneously determined to be a planet deGrassed, or Tysoned


brain:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

brain: What I fear our Canadian friends may be about to discover their new PM hasn't got. Don't know much about him, other than his last name and the fact that he's really good-looking. Unless I'm much mistaken, tomorrow morning there'll be an underwear model running Canada. Here's the bigger question: Will anyone notice. (As an American, jokes at Canada's expense are a birthright.)

Hoser:

[Pendragon]

Hoser: A pervert who breaks into women's rooms and steals their pantyhose... 2) If you happen to be Canadian, this is the brainless, drunken lout the bouncer just tossed into the alley!

Pervert:

[mona amon]

Pervert: Someone with a far more varied and colourful sex life than one's own.

Rocket science

[YesNo]

Rocket Science: Something, like brain surgery, that requires more intelligence than what you are being asked to perform right now. For example, “It ain’t rocket science. Just fill in the CMD-13 Certification of Mental Default form and take a seat.”

Exoplanet:

[Pendragon]

Exoplanet: One not in our solar system or 2) One that has been downgraded, such as Pluto

Snarky:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Snarky: The quality of being crotchety or snappish. NB: I really tried to be clever and witty with this one, not wanting to let you folks down. I know how you rely on me to lighten your load with boundless mirth. Alas, I came up empty this time. Don't take it too hard, there's always next time, when I'm bound to come up with a waggery wot'll have 'em doing the Foxtrot up one side of the boulevard and down the other.

Scuppered:

[YesNo]

Scuppered: From the verb “scupper”, to remove random water as well as anything else, noxious or not, floating in or carried by that water on the deck of a ship through holes conveniently left in the side by the builders of said floating device.

Alien Megastructure:

[Pendragon]

Alien Megastructure: The usual explanation for things like the Pyramids of Gaza, The Spinx, Stonehenge, etc. People don't want to think people had any type of ability to build these things without alien help despite greater constructs being built all the time as man learns more and more

Uppity:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Uppity: What dumb f**ks call standing up for yourself.

RE: the alien megastructures, you just wait. NASA will have the images any day now, and don't you be surprised if them aliens ain't got orbital McDonald's over there.

Discoverture:

[Pendragon]

Discoverture: The state of mind of an idiot who believes women cannot think for themselves unless they are under the "protection" of a husband. Have we gone backwards in time or what?

Kakistocracy:

[YesNo]

Kakistocracy: A government by the worst of the worst. Whether we are in a kakistocracy or not depends on whether your political party won the elections.

Political Party:

[Pendragon]

Political Party: A group of felons, liars, and thieves who rally under a peculiar banner. As the Democrats use a donkey, how à propos! And since elephants are rumored to fear tiny mice, how à propos for the Republicans as well.

à propos:

[Calidore]

à propos: The term for asking someone to be one's spouse.

Invitation

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Invitation: A technology by which your body is transformed into pure energy which, due to quantum entanglement and some other groovy stuff, reappears on the other side of the galaxy, at which point the energy is converted back into your living, physical self. Wait. Sorry, that's teleportation. Invitation: when you ask out the girl with the big tits in biology class and she tells you to go reproduce yourself.

Mitzi Gaynor:

[YesNo]

Mitzi Gaynor: A lovely woman with a wonderful career, certainly more fabulous than mine.

Quantum Entanglement:

[Lokasenna]

Quantum Entanglement: The inter-relatedness of all things. For the cynic and the misanthrope, a perfect example of the unfairness of the universe.

Dictator:

[Calidore]

Dictator: An unfortunately-shaped spud.

Potato:

[tailor STATELY]

Potato: Tater that lives on the wrong side of the tracks

Pop culture:

[Pendragon]

Pop culture: The science of Cola and altoids...

Proof:

[YesNo]

Proof: A semi-logical chain of arguments beginning with unexamined assumptions and ending with questionable conclusions.

Misanthrope:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Misanthrope: I'll mail you a picture of me.

This is a personal request to whomever sees it to please try the Next Sentence game that I tried, unsuccessfully, to get going as a forum game. It involves all of us writing a story together, a sentence at a time. The results are sure to be mad-capped and jocular and involve those little wheel-shaped pasta.

Entrails.

[YesNo]

Entrails: Official entrances to the trails through the forest preserve. Not to be confused with extrails which are the official exits.

Momentum:

[Lokasenna]

Momentum: The feeling that you're going nowhere, but very fast.

Pulpit:

[Pendragon]

Pulpit: The soapbox upon which the clergy make their statements, each one slightly to definitely differing on everything including which translation of their preferred Holy Book they use. The place where men try to speak for God, whom they claim speaks to them, but who doesn't even claim to know most of them!

Preacher:

[YesNo]

Preacher: Someone with such an uncanny close reading ability as to be able to expand a few short lines from a text, sacred or profane, into a fifty minute lecture.

Close reading:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Close reading: What I've had to do since my cataract surgery.

Apostasy:

[Lokasenna]

Apostasy: An awakening to common sense.

Voucher:

[Pendragon]

Voucher: An expense account, such as a textbook voucher in collage, which unfortunately does not cover all the books required for your class

Haint:

[YesNo]

Haint: Short for “he aint”. For example, “Haint cumin back tuh bothuh yuh no mo, Maggie. Ah seed to it.”

Common Sense:

[Pendragon]

Haint my dear YesNo, is deep Southern for "ghost" this being Halloween Month and all!

Common Sense: A published essay by Thomas Paine, one of America's Founding Fathers

Hoodoo:

[tailor STATELY]

Hoodoo:

1. An apostatized hodad

2. The antagonist(s) in a Hoo Dunnit

Halloween ?

[YesNo]

Halloween: A special night for hoodoos, haints and children hungry for candy.

Candy:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Candy: The first girl who ever took a shine to me, which happened directly after the transaction was completed.

Titular:

[Pendragon]

Titular: Character lucky or unlucky enough to get his or her name into the title of a book

Vamoose:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Vamoose: To get the heck out o' there. Or, alternatively, a moose from Virginia.

Choral:

[mona amon]

Choral: When the voice box is the musical instrument.

Cacophony

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Cacophony: A heavy metal band formed in 1986 by Marty Friedman and Jason Becker. Darn tootin'.

Bouillabaisse.

[Lokasenna]

Bouillabaisse: In France, a national delicacy. Elsewhere, a sound associated with an unfortunate bodily function.

Charity:

[YesNo]

Charity: Food put in a beggar’s bowl. Coins dropped in an outstretched hand. St Peter looking at you with a skeptical frown a little too long and then saying, “Ah! Go on in.”

Gooey:

[bounty]

gooey: the original character in jd salinger's famous work "franny and zooey." however at the editor's insistence, gooey was focus group tested and as the feedback was pretty bad, the author reluctantly changed it to zooey.

rutabaga

[Pendragon]

rutabaga: a bastard child from the turnip family, and definitely the black sheep

Gobsmacked:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Gobsmacked: Lies between dumbstruck and stupefied in the list of normal reactions to political speeches.

Psychical:

[mona amon]

Psychical: possessing a supernatural ability to con people.

Maverick:

[Lokasenna]

Maverick: The name a mad, anti-social loner charitably gives himself.

Prudence:

[YesNo]

Prudence: A virtue associated with wisdom, sagacity and reasonable foresight when the choices made turned out to be right and stupidity otherwise.

Jack-o-lantern

[Pendragon]

Jack-o-lantern: Carved pumpkins that seem to sprout everywhere during the Halloween season. Beware of them! You may remember what happened to Ichabod Crane!

Witch:

[YesNo]

Witch: The female version of a wizard with a long history of martyrdom both at the stake and in their portrayal in the movies. They usually have black cats and anti-gravity brooms.

Black Cat:

[Pendragon]

Black Cat: Felicia Hardy, a sexy super-heroine in the Spiderman comics who was once a crook and seems to have the ability to give others bad luck.

Riff Raff:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Riffraff is formally defined as people who are not respectable. Rabble. Rubbish. In other words, folk wot know 'ow to 'ave a good time whilst the respectable folk sit there with a broom 'andle parked up their bum.

Bawdy:

[YesNo]

Bawdy: Lewd, crude and hopefully nude.

Dracula:

[Pendragon]

Dracula: Still Bestselling Book by Bram Stoker that may or may not be based on Vlad Țepeș Dracula, who was called "the impaler"


Frankenstein:

[YesNo]

Frankenstein: An attempt to make a human being without resorting to sexual reproduction. It is unclear why any male in his right mind would want to do something like this.

Right Mind:

[Lokasenna]

Right Mind: A mental frame which the blinkered, the unthinking, and the mad frequently claim to occupy.

Morbidity:

[prendrelemick]

That quality of an Item on ebay that makes you bid above your limit.


Spoonerism

[Pendragon]

Spoonerism: To wix your mords up so badly, you don't even snow what you're trying to kay!

Off Plum.

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Off Plum. Well, now, if it were 'off plumb' I'd say it means 'not vertical.' An off plum, of the other hand, is undoubtedly a plum wot's spoiled. Then there's Eve Plumb, who played Jan on the Brady Bunch. I reckon she's pretty off by now.

Off (one's) nut:

[YesNo]

Off One’s Nut: To have finally found a way outside the box you are in. Others will try to put you back in.

Outside the box:

[Calidore]

Outside the box: The best place for a Christmas present.

Debate

[YesNo]

Debate: A spectacle where two or more people present their positions on selected topics for an audience who are later polled so the media can announce who “won” the spectacle. There may be an election afterwards where the entire audience as well as those who couldn’t care less about the spectacle get a chance to “vote” for a winner. This winner continues to the next debate or, if there is no further debate, is declared “elected” and the spectacle is said to be “over”.

Spectacle:

[Pendragon]

Spectacle: An eye monocle. Half a pair of glasses.Outrageous behavior.


Vote:

[Lokasenna]

I can't resist quoting the original definition from Bierce, simply because it is so good.

Vote: The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

Volunteer:

[Tyrion Cheddar]

Volunteer: a) something a court orders you to do, allegedly to make up for something naughty wot you did earlier, i.e. mandatory volunteerism, or b) a poor schmuck whose wife ropes him into spending an afternoon painting the school gym on behalf of "the community."

The Community:

[YesNo]

The Community: A generally fictitious group of people the judge orders you to spend time serving unless the judge feels such service might do more harm than good.

Scary:

[bounty]

scary: a precursor to the bejeebers coming out of you!

mellow:

[Pendragon]

mellow: Drunk enough that anything goes

Drunk:

[YesNo]

Drunk: Self-medicated.

Costume: