Chapter 14

I went home to my own room, sat down, and sank into thought. My heart was beating violently. I read Acia�s note through several times. I looked at my watch; it was not yet twelve o�clock.

The door opened, Gagin walked in.

His face was overcast. He seized my hand and pressed it warmly. He seemed very much agitated.

�What is the matter?� I asked.

Gagin took a chair and sat down opposite me. �Three days ago,� he began with a rather forced smile, and hesitating, �I surprised you by what I told you; to-day I am going to surprise you more. With any other man I could not, most likely, bring myself � so directly.� But you�re an honourable man, you�re my friend, aren�t you? Listen—my sister, Acia, is in love with you.�

I trembled all over and stood up.�

�Your sister, you say——�

�Yes, yes,� Gagin cut me short. �I tell you, she�s mad, and she�ll drive me mad. But happily she can�t tell a lie, and she confides in me. Ah, what a soul there is in that little girl!� but she�ll be her own ruin, that�s certain.�

�But you�re making a mistake,� I began.

�No, I�m not making a mistake. Yesterday, you know, she was lying down almost all day, she ate nothing, but she did not complain.� She never does complain. I was not anxious, though towards evening she was in a slight fever. At two o�clock last night I was wakened by our landlady; �Go to your sister,� she said; �there�s something wrong with her.� I ran in to Acia, and found her not undressed, feverish, and in tears; her head was aching, her teeth were chattering. �What�s the matter with you?� I said, �are you ill?� She threw herself on my neck and began imploring me to take her away as soon as possible, if I want to keep her alive.� I could make out nothing, I tried to soothe her.� Her sobs grew more violent, � and suddenly through her sobs I made out � well, in fact, I made out that she loves you. I assure you, you and I are reasonable people, and we can�t imagine how deeply she feels and with what incredible force her feelings show themselves; it has come upon her as unexpectedly and irresistibly as a thunderstorm. You�re a very nice person,� Gagin pursued, �but why she�s so in love with you, I confess I don�t understand. She says she has been drawn to you from the first moment she saw you. That�s why she cried the other day when she declared she would never love any one but me.—She imagines you despise her, that you most likely know about her birth; she asked me if I hadn�t told you her story,—I said, of course, that I hadn�t; but her intuition�s simply terrible. She has one wish,—to get away, to get away at once. I sat with her till morning; she made me promise we should not be here to-morrow, and only then, she fell asleep. I have been thinking and thinking, and at last I made up my mind to speak to you. To my mind, Acia is right; the best thing is for us both to go away from here. And I should have taken her away to-day, if I had not been struck by an idea which made me pause. Perhaps � who knows? do you like my sister? If so, what�s the object of my taking her away? And so I decided to cast aside all reserve.� Besides, I noticed something myself.� I made up my mind � to find out from you �� Poor Gagin was completely out of countenance. �Excuse me, please,� he added, �I�m not used to such bothers.�

I took his hand.

�You want to know,� I pronounced in a steady voice, �whether I like your sister? Yes, I do like her—�

Gagin glanced at me. �But,� he said, faltering, �you�d hardly marry her, would you?�

�How would you have me answer such a question? Only think; can I at the moment——�

�I know, I know,� Gagin cut me short; �I have no right to expect an answer from you, and my question was the very acme of impropriety.� But what am I to do? One can�t play with fire. You don�t know Acia; she�s quite capable of falling ill, running away, or asking you to see her alone.� Any other girl might manage to hide it all and wait—but not she. It is the first time with her, that�s the worst of it! If you had seen how she sobbed at my feet to-day, you would understand my fears.�

I was pondering. Gagin�s words �asking you to see her alone,� had sent a twinge to my heart. I felt it was shameful not to meet his honest frankness with frankness.

�Yes,� I said at last; �you are right. An hour ago I got a note from your sister. Here it is.�

Gagin took the note, quickly looked it through, and let his hands fall on his knees. The expression of perplexity on his face was very amusing, but I was in no mood for laughter.

�I tell you again, you�re an honourable man,� he said; �but what�s to be done now? What? she herself wants to go away, and she writes to you and blames herself for acting unwisely � and when had she time to write this? What does she wish of you?�

I pacified him, and we began to discuss as coolly as we could what we ought to do.

The conclusion we reached at last was that, to avoid worse harm befalling, I was to go and meet Acia, and to have a straightforward explanation with her; Gagin pledged himself to stay at home, and not to give a sign of knowing about her note to me; in the evening we arranged to see each other again.

�I have the greatest confidence in you,� said Gagin, and he pressed my hand; �have mercy on her and on me. But we shall go away to-morrow, anyway,� he added getting up, �for you won�t marry Acia, I see.�

�Give me time till the evening,� I objected.

�All right, but you won�t marry her.�

He went away, and I threw myself on the sofa, and shut my eyes. My head was going round; too many impressions had come bursting on it at once. I was vexed at Gagin�s frankness, I was vexed with Acia, her love delighted and disconcerted me, I could not comprehend what had made her reveal it to her brother; the absolute necessity of rapid, almost instantaneous decision exasperated me. �Marry a little girl of seventeen, with her character, how is it possible?� I said, getting up.