Chapter 12

She came back in an hour, stood in the doorway and beckoned to me.

�Listen,� she said; �if I were to die, would you be sorry?�

�What ideas you have to-day!� I exclaimed.

�I fancy I shall die soon; it seems to me sometimes as though everything about me were saying good-bye. It�s better to die than live like this.� Ah! don�t look at me like that; I�m not pretending, really. Or else I shall begin to be afraid of you again.�

�Why, were you afraid of me?�

�If I am queer, it�s really not my fault,� she rejoined. �You see, I can�t even laugh now.��

She remained gloomy and preoccupied till evening. Something was taking place in her; what, I did not understand. Her eyes often rested upon me; my heart slowly throbbed under her enigmatic gaze. She appeared composed, and yet as I watched her I kept wanting to tell her not to let herself get excited. I admired her, found a touching charm in her pale face, her hesitating, slow movements, but she for some reason fancied I was out of humour.

�Let me tell you something,� she said to me not long before parting; �I am tortured by the idea that you consider me frivolous.� For the future believe what I say to you, only do you, too, be open with me; and I will always tell you the truth, I give you my word of honour.��

This �word of honour� set me laughing again.

�Oh, don�t laugh,� she said earnestly, �or I shall say to you to-day what you said to me yesterday, �why are you laughing?�� and after a brief silence she added, �Do you remember you spoke yesterday of �wings�?� My wings have grown, but I have nowhere to fly.�

�Nonsense,� I said; �all the ways lie open before you.��

Acia looked at me steadily, straight in the face.

�You have a bad opinion of me to-day,� she said, frowning.

�I? a bad opinion of you!��

�Why is it you are both so low-spirited,� Gagin interrupted me—�would you like me to play a waltz, as I did yesterday?�

�No, no,� replied Acia, and she clenched her hands; �not to-day, not for anything!�

�I�m not going to force you to; don�t excite yourself.�

�Not for anything!� she repeated, turning pale.

�Can it be she�s in love with me?� I thought, as I drew near the dark rushing waters of the Rhine.