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Chapter 3

HAPPY, thrice happy, were the months, and weeks, and hours of that year.
Friendship, hand in hand with admiration, tenderness and respect, built a
bower of delight in my heart, late rough as an untrod wild in America, as
the homeless wind or herbless sea. Insatiate thirst for knowledge, and
boundless affection for Adrian, combined to keep both my heart and
understanding occupied, and I was consequently happy. What happiness is so
true and unclouded, as the overflowing and talkative delight of young
people. In our boat, upon my native lake, beside the streams and the pale
bordering poplars--in valley and over hill, my crook thrown aside, a
nobler flock to tend than silly sheep, even a flock of new-born ideas, I
read or listened to Adrian; and his discourse, whether it concerned his
love or his theories for the improvement of man, alike entranced me.
Sometimes my lawless mood would return, my love of peril, my resistance to
authority; but this was in his absence; under the mild sway of his dear
eyes, I was obedient and good as a boy of five years old, who does his
mother's bidding.

After a residence of about a year at Ulswater, Adrian visited London, and
came back full of plans for our benefit. You must begin life, he said: you
are seventeen, and longer delay would render the necessary apprenticeship
more and more irksome. He foresaw that his own life would be one of
struggle, and I must partake his labours with him. The better to fit me for
this task, we must now separate. He found my name a good passport to
preferment, and he had procured for me the situation of private secretary
to the Ambassador at Vienna, where I should enter on my career under the
best auspices. In two years, I should return to my country, with a name
well known and a reputation already founded.

And Perdita?--Perdita was to become the pupil, friend and younger sister
of Evadne. With his usual thoughtfulness, he had provided for her
independence in this situation. How refuse the offers of this generous
friend?--I did not wish to refuse them; but in my heart of hearts, I made
a vow to devote life, knowledge, and power, all of which, in as much as
they were of any value, he had bestowed on me--all, all my capacities and
hopes, to him alone I would devote.

Thus I promised myself, as I journied towards my destination with roused
and ardent expectation: expectation of the fulfilment of all that in
boyhood we promise ourselves of power and enjoyment in maturity. Methought
the time was now arrived, when, childish occupations laid aside, I should
enter into life. Even in the Elysian fields, Virgil describes the souls of
the happy as eager to drink of the wave which was to restore them to this
mortal coil. The young are seldom in Elysium, for their desires,
outstripping possibility, leave them as poor as a moneyless debtor. We are
told by the wisest philosophers of the dangers of the world, the deceits of
men, and the treason of our own hearts: but not the less fearlessly does
each put off his frail bark from the port, spread the sail, and strain his
oar, to attain the multitudinous streams of the sea of life. How few in
youth's prime, moor their vessels on the "golden sands," and collect the
painted shells that strew them. But all at close of day, with riven planks
and rent canvas make for shore, and are either wrecked ere they reach it,
or find some wave-beaten haven, some desart strand, whereon to cast
themselves and die unmourned.

A truce to philosophy!--Life is before me, and I rush into possession.
Hope, glory, love, and blameless ambition are my guides, and my soul knows
no dread. What has been, though sweet, is gone; the present is good only
because it is about to change, and the to come is all my own. Do I fear,
that my heart palpitates? high aspirations cause the flow of my blood; my
eyes seem to penetrate the cloudy midnight of time, and to discern within
the depths of its darkness, the fruition of all my soul desires.

Now pause!--During my journey I might dream, and with buoyant wings reach
the summit of life's high edifice. Now that I am arrived at its base, my
pinions are furled, the mighty stairs are before me, and step by step I
must ascend the wondrous fane--

Speak!--What door is opened?

Behold me in a new capacity. A diplomatist: one among the pleasure-seeking
society of a gay city; a youth of promise; favourite of the Ambassador. All
was strange and admirable to the shepherd of Cumberland. With breathless
amaze I entered on the gay scene, whose actors were

--the lilies glorious as Solomon,
Who toil not, neither do they spin.

Soon, too soon, I entered the giddy whirl; forgetting my studious hours,
and the companionship of Adrian. Passionate desire of sympathy, and ardent
pursuit for a wished-for object still characterized me. The sight of beauty
entranced me, and attractive manners in man or woman won my entire
confidence. I called it rapture, when a smile made my heart beat; and I
felt the life's blood tingle in my frame, when I approached the idol which
for awhile I worshipped. The mere flow of animal spirits was Paradise, and
at night's close I only desired a renewal of the intoxicating delusion. The
dazzling light of ornamented rooms; lovely forms arrayed in splendid
dresses; the motions of a dance, the voluptuous tones of exquisite music,
cradled my senses in one delightful dream.

And is not this in its kind happiness? I appeal to moralists and sages. I
ask if in the calm of their measured reveries, if in the deep meditations
which fill their hours, they feel the extasy of a youthful tyro in the
school of pleasure? Can the calm beams of their heaven-seeking eyes equal
the flashes of mingling passion which blind his, or does the influence of
cold philosophy steep their soul in a joy equal to his, engaged

In this dear work of youthful revelry.

But in truth, neither the lonely meditations of the hermit, nor the
tumultuous raptures of the reveller, are capable of satisfying man's heart.
From the one we gather unquiet speculation, from the other satiety. The
mind flags beneath the weight of thought, and droops in the heartless
intercourse of those whose sole aim is amusement. There is no fruition in
their vacant kindness, and sharp rocks lurk beneath the smiling ripples of
these shallow waters.

Thus I felt, when disappointment, weariness, and solitude drove me back
upon my heart, to gather thence the joy of which it had become barren. My
flagging spirits asked for something to speak to the affections; and not
finding it, I drooped. Thus, notwithstanding the thoughtless delight that
waited on its commencement, the impression I have of my life at Vienna is
melancholy. Goethe has said, that in youth we cannot be happy unless we
love. I did not love; but I was devoured by a restless wish to be something
to others. I became the victim of ingratitude and cold coquetry--then I
desponded, and imagined that my discontent gave me a right to hate the
world. I receded to solitude; I had recourse to my books, and my desire
again to enjoy the society of Adrian became a burning thirst.

Emulation, that in its excess almost assumed the venomous properties of
envy, gave a sting to these feelings. At this period the name and exploits
of one of my countrymen filled the world with admiration. Relations of what
he had done, conjectures concerning his future actions, were the
never-failing topics of the hour. I was not angry on my own account, but I
felt as if the praises which this idol received were leaves torn from
laurels destined for Adrian. But I must enter into some account of this
darling of fame--this favourite of the wonder-loving world.

Lord Raymond was the sole remnant of a noble but impoverished family. From
early youth he had considered his pedigree with complacency, and bitterly
lamented his want of wealth. His first wish was aggrandisement; and the
means that led towards this end were secondary considerations. Haughty, yet
trembling to every demonstration of respect; ambitious, but too proud to
shew his ambition; willing to achieve honour, yet a votary of pleasure,--
he entered upon life. He was met on the threshold by some insult, real or
imaginary; some repulse, where he least expected it; some disappointment,
hard for his pride to bear. He writhed beneath an injury he was unable to
revenge; and he quitted England with a vow not to return, till the good
time should arrive, when she might feel the power of him she now despised.

He became an adventurer in the Greek wars. His reckless courage and
comprehensive genius brought him into notice. He became the darling hero of
this rising people. His foreign birth, and he refused to throw off his
allegiance to his native country, alone prevented him from filling the
first offices in the state. But, though others might rank higher in title
and ceremony, Lord Raymond held a station above and beyond all this. He led
the Greek armies to victory; their triumphs were all his own. When he
appeared, whole towns poured forth their population to meet him; new songs
were adapted to their national airs, whose themes were his glory, valour,
and munificence. A truce was concluded between the Greeks and Turks. At the
same time, Lord Raymond, by some unlooked-for chance, became the possessor
of an immense fortune in England, whither he returned, crowned with glory,
to receive the meed of honour and distinction before denied to his
pretensions. His proud heart rebelled against this change. In what was the
despised Raymond not the same? If the acquisition of power in the shape of
wealth caused this alteration, that power should they feel as an iron yoke.
Power therefore was the aim of all his endeavours; aggrandizement the mark
at which he for ever shot. In open ambition or close intrigue, his end was
the same--to attain the first station in his own country.

This account filled me with curiosity. The events that in succession
followed his return to England, gave me keener feelings. Among his other
advantages, Lord Raymond was supremely handsome; every one admired him; of
women he was the idol. He was courteous, honey-tongued--an adept in
fascinating arts. What could not this man achieve in the busy English
world? Change succeeded to change; the entire history did not reach me; for
Adrian had ceased to write, and Perdita was a laconic correspondent. The
rumour went that Adrian had become--how write the fatal word--mad: that
Lord Raymond was the favourite of the ex-queen, her daughter's destined
husband. Nay, more, that this aspiring noble revived the claim of the house
of Windsor to the crown, and that, on the event of Adrian's incurable
disorder and his marriage with the sister, the brow of the ambitious
Raymond might be encircled with the magic ring of regality.

Such a tale filled the trumpet of many voiced fame; such a tale rendered my
longer stay at Vienna, away from the friend of my youth, intolerable. Now I
must fulfil my vow; now range myself at his side, and be his ally and
support till death. Farewell to courtly pleasure; to politic intrigue; to
the maze of passion and folly! All hail, England! Native England, receive
thy child! thou art the scene of all my hopes, the mighty theatre on which
is acted the only drama that can, heart and soul, bear me along with it in
its development. A voice most irresistible, a power omnipotent, drew me
thither. After an absence of two years I landed on its shores, not daring
to make any inquiries, fearful of every remark. My first visit would be to
my sister, who inhabited a little cottage, a part of Adrian's gift, on the
borders of Windsor Forest. From her I should learn the truth concerning our
protector; I should hear why she had withdrawn from the protection of the
Princess Evadne, and be instructed as to the influence which this
overtopping and towering Raymond exercised over the fortunes of my friend.

I had never before been in the neighbourhood of Windsor; the fertility and
beauty of the country around now struck me with admiration, which encreased
as I approached the antique wood. The ruins of majestic oaks which had
grown, flourished, and decayed during the progress of centuries, marked
where the limits of the forest once reached, while the shattered palings
and neglected underwood shewed that this part was deserted for the younger
plantations, which owed their birth to the beginning of the nineteenth
century, and now stood in the pride of maturity. Perdita's humble dwelling
was situated on the skirts of the most ancient portion; before it was
stretched Bishopgate Heath, which towards the east appeared interminable,
and was bounded to the west by Chapel Wood and the grove of Virginia Water.
Behind, the cottage was shadowed by the venerable fathers of the forest,
under which the deer came to graze, and which for the most part hollow and
decayed, formed fantastic groups that contrasted with the regular beauty of
the younger trees. These, the offspring of a later period, stood erect and
seemed ready to advance fearlessly into coming time; while those out worn
stragglers, blasted and broke, clung to each other, their weak boughs
sighing as the wind buffetted them--a weather-beaten crew.

A light railing surrounded the garden of the cottage, which, low-roofed,
seemed to submit to the majesty of nature, and cower amidst the venerable
remains of forgotten time. Flowers, the children of the spring, adorned her
garden and casements; in the midst of lowliness there was an air of
elegance which spoke the graceful taste of the inmate. With a beating heart
I entered the enclosure; as I stood at the entrance, I heard her
voice, melodious as it had ever been, which before I saw her assured me of
her welfare.

A moment more and Perdita appeared; she stood before me in the fresh bloom
of youthful womanhood, different from and yet the same as the mountain girl
I had left. Her eyes could not be deeper than they were in childhood, nor
her countenance more expressive; but the expression was changed and
improved; intelligence sat on her brow; when she smiled her face was
embellished by the softest sensibility, and her low, modulated voice seemed
tuned by love. Her person was formed in the most feminine proportions; she
was not tall, but her mountain life had given freedom to her motions, so
that her light step scarce made her foot-fall heard as she tript across the
hall to meet me. When we had parted, I had clasped her to my bosom with
unrestrained warmth; we met again, and new feelings were awakened; when
each beheld the other, childhood passed, as full grown actors on this
changeful scene. The pause was but for a moment; the flood of association
and natural feeling which had been checked, again rushed in full tide upon
our hearts, and with tenderest emotion we were swiftly locked in each
other's embrace.

This burst of passionate feeling over, with calmed thoughts we sat
together, talking of the past and present. I alluded to the coldness of her
letters; but the few minutes we had spent together sufficiently explained
the origin of this. New feelings had arisen within her, which she was
unable to express in writing to one whom she had only known in childhood;
but we saw each other again, and our intimacy was renewed as if nothing had
intervened to check it. I detailed the incidents of my sojourn abroad, and
then questioned her as to the changes that had taken place at home, the
causes of Adrian's absence, and her secluded life.

The tears that suffused my sister's eyes when I mentioned our friend, and
her heightened colour seemed to vouch for the truth of the reports that had
reached me. But their import was too terrible for me to give instant credit
to my suspicion. Was there indeed anarchy in the sublime universe of
Adrian's thoughts, did madness scatter the well-appointed legions, and was
he no longer the lord of his own soul? Beloved friend, this ill world was
no clime for your gentle spirit; you delivered up its governance to false
humanity, which stript it of its leaves ere winter-time, and laid bare its
quivering life to the evil ministration of roughest winds. Have those
gentle eyes, those "channels of the soul" lost their meaning, or do they
only in their glare disclose the horrible tale of its aberrations? Does
that voice no longer "discourse excellent music?" Horrible, most horrible!
I veil my eyes in terror of the change, and gushing tears bear witness to
my sympathy for this unimaginable ruin.

In obedience to my request Perdita detailed the melancholy circumstances
that led to this event.

The frank and unsuspicious mind of Adrian, gifted as it was by every
natural grace, endowed with transcendant powers of intellect, unblemished
by the shadow of defect (unless his dreadless independence of thought was
to be construed into one), was devoted, even as a victim to sacrifice, to
his love for Evadne. He entrusted to her keeping the treasures of his soul,
his aspirations after excellence, and his plans for the improvement of
mankind. As manhood dawned upon him, his schemes and theories, far from
being changed by personal and prudential motives, acquired new strength
from the powers he felt arise within him; and his love for Evadne became
deep-rooted, as he each day became more certain that the path he pursued
was full of difficulty, and that he must seek his reward, not in the
applause or gratitude of his fellow creatures, hardly in the success of his
plans, but in the approbation of his own heart, and in her love and
sympathy, which was to lighten every toil and recompence every sacrifice.

In solitude, and through many wanderings afar from the haunts of men, he
matured his views for the reform of the English government, and the
improvement of the people. It would have been well if he had concealed his
sentiments, until he had come into possession of the power which would
secure their practical development. But he was impatient of the years that
must intervene, he was frank of heart and fearless. He gave not only a
brief denial to his mother's schemes, but published his intention of using
his influence to diminish the power of the aristocracy, to effect a greater
equalization of wealth and privilege, and to introduce a perfect system of
republican government into England. At first his mother treated his
theories as the wild ravings of inexperience. But they were so
systematically arranged, and his arguments so well supported, that though
still in appearance incredulous, she began to fear him. She tried to reason
with him, and finding him inflexible, learned to hate him.

Strange to say, this feeling was infectious. His enthusiasm for good which
did not exist; his contempt for the sacredness of authority; his ardour and
imprudence were all at the antipodes of the usual routine of life; the
worldly feared him; the young and inexperienced did not understand the
lofty severity of his moral views, and disliked him as a being different
from themselves. Evadne entered but coldly into his systems. She thought he
did well to assert his own will, but she wished that will to have been more
intelligible to the multitude. She had none of the spirit of a martyr, and
did not incline to share the shame and defeat of a fallen patriot. She was
aware of the purity of his motives, the generosity of his disposition, his
true and ardent attachment to her; and she entertained a great affection
for him. He repaid this spirit of kindness with the fondest gratitude, and
made her the treasure-house of all his hopes.

At this time Lord Raymond returned from Greece. No two persons could be
more opposite than Adrian and he. With all the incongruities of his
character, Raymond was emphatically a man of the world. His passions were
violent; as these often obtained the mastery over him, he could not always
square his conduct to the obvious line of self-interest, but
self-gratification at least was the paramount object with him. He looked on
the structure of society as but a part of the machinery which supported the
web on which his life was traced. The earth was spread out as an highway
for him; the heavens built up as a canopy for him.

Adrian felt that he made a part of a great whole. He owned affinity not
only with mankind, but all nature was akin to him; the mountains and sky
were his friends; the winds of heaven and the offspring of earth his
playmates; while he the focus only of this mighty mirror, felt his life
mingle with the universe of existence. His soul was sympathy, and dedicated
to the worship of beauty and excellence. Adrian and Raymond now came into
contact, and a spirit of aversion rose between them. Adrian despised the
narrow views of the politician, and Raymond held in supreme contempt the
benevolent visions of the philanthropist.

With the coming of Raymond was formed the storm that laid waste at one fell
blow the gardens of delight and sheltered paths which Adrian fancied that
he had secured to himself, as a refuge from defeat and contumely. Raymond,
the deliverer of Greece, the graceful soldier, who bore in his mien a tinge
of all that, peculiar to her native clime, Evadne cherished as most dear--
Raymond was loved by Evadne. Overpowered by her new sensations, she did not
pause to examine them, or to regulate her conduct by any sentiments except
the tyrannical one which suddenly usurped the empire of her heart. She
yielded to its influence, and the too natural consequence in a mind
unattuned to soft emotions was, that the attentions of Adrian became
distasteful to her. She grew capricious; her gentle conduct towards him was
exchanged for asperity and repulsive coldness. When she perceived the wild
or pathetic appeal of his expressive countenance, she would relent, and for
a while resume her ancient kindness. But these fluctuations shook to its
depths the soul of the sensitive youth; he no longer deemed the world
subject to him, because he possessed Evadne's love; he felt in every nerve
that the dire storms of the mental universe were about to attack his
fragile being, which quivered at the expectation of its advent.

Perdita, who then resided with Evadne, saw the torture that Adrian endured.
She loved him as a kind elder brother; a relation to guide, protect, and
instruct her, without the too frequent tyranny of parental authority. She
adored his virtues, and with mixed contempt and indignation she saw Evadne
pile drear sorrow on his head, for the sake of one who hardly marked her.
In his solitary despair Adrian would often seek my sister, and in covered
terms express his misery, while fortitude and agony divided the throne of
his mind. Soon, alas! was one to conquer. Anger made no part of his
emotion. With whom should he be angry? Not with Raymond, who was
unconscious of the misery he occasioned; not with Evadne, for her his soul
wept tears of blood--poor, mistaken girl, slave not tyrant was she, and
amidst his own anguish he grieved for her future destiny. Once a writing of
his fell into Perdita's hands; it was blotted with tears--well might any
blot it with the like--

"Life"--it began thus--"is not the thing romance writers describe it;
going through the measures of a dance, and after various evolutions
arriving at a conclusion, when the dancers may sit down and repose. While
there is life there is action and change. We go on, each thought linked to
the one which was its parent, each act to a previous act. No joy or sorrow
dies barren of progeny, which for ever generated and generating, weaves the
chain that make our life:

Un dia llama a otro dia
y ass i llama, y encadena
llanto a llanto, y pena a pena.

Truly disappointment is the guardian deity of human life; she sits
at the threshold of unborn time, and marshals the events as they
come forth. Once my heart sat lightly in my bosom; all the beauty of the
world was doubly beautiful, irradiated by the sun-light shed from my own
soul. O wherefore are love and ruin for ever joined in this our mortal
dream? So that when we make our hearts a lair for that gently seeming
beast, its companion enters with it, and pitilessly lays waste what might
have been an home and a shelter."

By degrees his health was shaken by his misery, and then his intellect
yielded to the same tyranny. His manners grew wild; he was sometimes
ferocious, sometimes absorbed in speechless melancholy. Suddenly Evadne
quitted London for Paris; he followed, and overtook her when the vessel was
about to sail; none knew what passed between them, but Perdita had never
seen him since; he lived in seclusion, no one knew where, attended by such
persons as his mother selected for that purpose.

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