U

UNIVERSITY: 1. An institution for the prevention of learning. 2. A place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business. 3. A plan for the elimination of physical culture and the exaltation of athletics. 4. A literary, gonococci culture-bed. 5. A collection of buildings which emit the odor of the classics and omit the odor of sanctity. 6. A place wherein the youthful mind is taught the danger of thinking.

Union Labor: A force which unchecked would develop into violent and destructive anarchy.

United States of America: Miss District de Columbia and her forty-eight Subsidiaries.

Unrequited: (Used generally with the word love.) Inability to make both ends meet.

Utopian: A person who demands that you shall live up to his ideals.

Unpardonable Sin: Neglecting to close the screen-door.

Up to Date: To be far behind the Ancients, who were generally ahead of the current date. E. g., "This thing would never have happened if I had only been up to date, but I tried to be dateless."—Last words of Socrates.

Utopia: A place where you have but to suggest a thing, to consider it done; a condition where all things are supplied on slipping a wish into a slot.

Usage: The consecration in time of something that was originally absurd.