Sigh. Could we take the grammatical parsing etc out of this thread?
"Knew I things past?" is grammatical, just possibly awkward in syntax. It follows the form verb-subject-object, as in "Loved I a woman..." or "Be this a man?"
Sigh. Could we take the grammatical parsing etc out of this thread?
"Knew I things past?" is grammatical, just possibly awkward in syntax. It follows the form verb-subject-object, as in "Loved I a woman..." or "Be this a man?"
se non e vero, e molto ben'trovato
VSO structure is common in some non-English languages, like my own native tongue, but the structure is clear and beautiful to the ears, and makes perfect sense when used.
Its use in English is still questionable. Some poets resort to it if verbs are just too powerful to be put next to the subject. I don't find "knew" more powerful than "be".
Using your argument and standard, this will be correct: "Played the students chess."
takeOriginally Posted by miyako73
if symptoms persist, may I suggest
"But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
"In flames and torment?""Oh, yes, I do."
"That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said."Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
"Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.
"I don’t claim that I innocent and do not deserve to die" (Bravo! You very good.)
"I'd been every battle we fought with the North" (Can you tell me how one becomes a battle?)
What? Please! For God's sake. I'm beginning to doubt that maybe there are people here who have double accounts.
By the way, I'm not sourgraping. Dark muse's work was far more superior.
Last edited by miyako73; 09-17-2010 at 06:49 AM.
If the flaming comments continue, I will petition the moderators to lock this thread. After all, you may notice that I originated this contest. There is simply no place in a poetry contest thread for such remarks. That is why I PMed you. I take exception to your posting my remarks which were private between us.
As for my quoted line. I'm Southern. That's a whole different kind of American. But truthfully, it was a mistake I didn't catch. It should have read "Id been in every battle we fought with the North." The contest judge obviously could see past a minor error.
Last edited by Pendragon; 09-17-2010 at 11:49 AM.
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
Yes, it is. "Played the students chess" is correct but considered awkward in most standard forms of prose English. However, it is poetry we are considering here. I'd like to add that this order is in fact a traditional English syntactical order, and its euphony depends on the words used.
This famous poem has an example of that order in its even more famous last line. The poem also has examples of other orders using various verb forms or noun forms.
Miyako, I am not trying to pick a fight with you. I'm just pointing out that we could go on and on about such stuff, but it wouldn't help the thread at all. This is a disputable area, and many of us are vulnerable to brain-farts that produce typos and suchlike.
se non e vero, e molto ben'trovato
LOL. BIG LOL!
the poem was written by:
Richard Lovelace. 1618–1658
LOL
Please do not personalise your comments.
Posts containing inflammatory or off-topic comments will be removed without further notice.
~
"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
I apologize for my bad grammar, I was restricted by the form I chose to use. But as that is past and this is now...
Any more poems? Or shall I judge now?
"O reason, reason, abstract phantom of the waking state, I had already expelled you from my dreams, now I have reached a point where those dreams are about to become fused with apparent realities: now there is only room here for myself. "
-Louis Aragon
Okay last chance :] I will begin judging tomorrow night
any more takers?
"O reason, reason, abstract phantom of the waking state, I had already expelled you from my dreams, now I have reached a point where those dreams are about to become fused with apparent realities: now there is only room here for myself. "
-Louis Aragon
With folded hands they pray
to Christ's depicted last meal,
with only one sin in their hearts -
the belief they are weak and sinful,
not recognizing their holiness within.
How our thoughts make it true!
Christ's light is divine light within us,
but has nothing to do with Christianity,
or names we apply not knowing the truth -
God is the hedge at the bottom of the garden.
Great job everyone! I'm just about finished judging and will post the results tonight. :]
"O reason, reason, abstract phantom of the waking state, I had already expelled you from my dreams, now I have reached a point where those dreams are about to become fused with apparent realities: now there is only room here for myself. "
-Louis Aragon
--autolycus
Your poem’s play on the idea of last meal and last me, Al was fabulous and I loved your repetition. Your writing reminds me of a mix between Sound and the Fury and Dylan Thomas’ poem Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night (was that a coincidence that you used the name Dylan Thomas or purposeful?)
--Dark Muse
I love your original take on death, not some creepy grim reaper but rather a gentleman to have dinner and wine with by the fire and then go on a ride with in his chariot. It’s a much more gentle view of death and one’s last meal.
---Hawkman
Wow. What a shocking poem! The build up is fantastic to such a gory end. I especially love the contrast between the stanzas. My favorite stanza was : “A candle flame entranced, / and danced between - / a sinuous wisp, / that pooled in fluid amber light / which bathed two faces in its gleam.” Beautifully done.
---hillwalker
Your poem is very haunting, and wonderfully composed. The final lines are my favorite.
---Pendragon
Leave it to you Pendragon to hit exactly what I meant by The Last Meal and then throw in some irony. I enjoyed the simplicity of your poem and its pointedness.
--- NikolaiI
Your poem is an interesting branch of the subject. I love your final line “God is the hedge at the bottom of the garden.”
It was a very hard decision trying to make up my mind which poem I should choose. You are all deserving of a win and I am amazed at the variety of interpretations of the subject. But for their amazing use of imagery and their haunting take on the last meal the winner is….
Hillwalker!!!!
"O reason, reason, abstract phantom of the waking state, I had already expelled you from my dreams, now I have reached a point where those dreams are about to become fused with apparent realities: now there is only room here for myself. "
-Louis Aragon
Thanks so much AdoreroDio for your generous reading - and to all of you who always manage to give such challenging and inspiring competition, well done. There were some wonderful poems in this month's collection.
..... my subject for this month is 'The Eyes Never Lie' - anything that those words conjour up will be fair game.
The closing date: four weeks today - one minute to midnight on October 22nd.
Over to you, and good luck everyone.
H
Hillwalker: congrats on a masterful piece!
AdoreroDio: Heh, it was a mix of Paul Simon, Dylan Thomas, and yes, Faulkner-style American stream-of-consciousness.
se non e vero, e molto ben'trovato
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