Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[prendrelemick]

Guys and gal I have got myself in a moral morass and your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Me and my faithfull hound Turncoat were out for our early morning walk when, all of a sudden, Mutley's hair stood on end and he started howling and shaking in front of a shiny object. On closer inspection it turned out to be a crocodile skinned wallet. In character I scanned the landscape 360 degrees and shoved it in my pooch. When we got home I opened it and discovered £5000 in fifty pound notes and no identification of ownership, what could I do ? I showed it to Mrs Jocky, big mistake. She pointed out that it could be a pensioners life savings or, even worse a drug dealers stash." Darling I can't hand it in for altruistic reasons and besides we are broke". Helpfull suggestions would be welcome.

Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.

[The Atheist]

Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.

Isn't yours the one covered in cobwebs with 50p in it?

(Mine doesn't even have 50p!)

[dafydd manton]

50 whole pence?? Egad!! Riches beyond the dreams of Creosote!! (He was the deity they put up against a wall!)

[jocky]

Jocky, you trumped my next posting. I was about to present my quarterly update on the TBRC. There hasn’t been much activity other than a new article entered back in May, by a Bigfoot bounty hunter named Jerry Hestand. ---

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/index.ph...ws/48-news/176

Hmm…You know Jocky, donations are graciously accepted at TBRC. I wonder what the conversion rate is?

Gilliatt

You mean I have found Bigfoot's wallet ! This could lead to a spot on the Larry King show. Wait till I tell Mrs Jocky.

Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.

You will recieve the wallet minus cash in the next post, C.O.D. naturally. Old Atheist has got you pegged.

50 whole pence?? Egad!! Riches beyond the dreams of Creosote!! (He was the deity they put up against a wall!)

That's right he was the one that blessed my brand spanking new £5000 shed, or was it Crocus ? This plethora of Gods can lead to a great deal of confusion, not unusual for this thread,

[dafydd manton]

Confusion? Wasn't he a Chinese philospher?

[The Atheist]

Confusion? Wasn't he a Chinese philospher?

No, that was Wun Hung Lo.

[dafydd manton]

Him and his brother Hoo Flung Dung?

[The Atheist]

Him and his brother Hoo Flung Dung?

That's the guy!

Family philosophers, just like the Marx Bros.

[prendrelemick]

Is that Karl and Groucho?

[dafydd manton]

That's the ones - started Marx and Spencer, but they threw Harpo Spencer out because he wasn't very funny. Zippo went on to invent the cigarette lighter.

[soundofmusic]

'Ere, whilst we're on the subject of the opposite sex, so named because they are generally opposed to everything we might do, why do you see so many ugly ones coming out of beauty parlours?

I worked in a department store years ago and everytime there was a makeup show, the girls would grab me. They would show the ladies, "Look at how drab this woman looks and with just a bit of our makeup....
The ladies would buy the whole set up; but the secret was good bones.

Blokes do less detail than women. I've never heard men discussing how many stitches their vasectomies took as a matter of pride.

Ah yes, that is what makes blokes pleasant to be with...of course, I haven't quite figured out how to get more details when I'm dating one

It's a common misconception that - like a house - a lick of emulsion and some gloss on the skirting make beauty...

I've found with I and my house, as we get older, it's going to take a good deal of sanding and resurfacing to make us marketable

Guys and gal I have got myself in a moral morass and your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Me and my faithfull hound Turncoat were out for our early morning walk when, all of a sudden, Mutley's hair stood on end and he started howling and shaking in front of a shiny object. On closer inspection it turned out to be a crocodile skinned wallet. In character I scanned the landscape 360 degrees and shoved it in my pooch. When we got home I opened it and discovered £5000 in fifty pound notes and no identification of ownership, what could I do ? I showed it to Mrs Jocky, big mistake. She pointed out that it could be a pensioners life savings or, even worse a drug dealers stash." Darling I can't hand it in for altruistic reasons and besides we are broke". Helpfull suggestions would be welcome.

Well, if I found a stashed wallet without ID, I would have to assume that it belonged to a thief or someone trading the money for an identity...I think, that since Mrs Jocky has some reservations about spending it; you should keep the whole bundle, except, of course, for what little bits you would like to donate to your friends on the blokes thread

Oh, if only I had that kind of luck!

Fair go, half and half for you and 'er indoors.

What a gent; I think I might talk her into putting her half in our joint checking

I'd have to see pictures of the custom officers beforehand, but sounds like the perfect way to spice up a trip.

Maybe you'll have better luck with those officers than I did; they let me pass in my leather teddy and a bag of Columbian gold...I guess it was the cellulite that put them off the scent

Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.

Oh my god, is that wallet made out of an English croc...nothing meaner than an English croc

Jocky, you trumped my next posting. I was about to present my quarterly update on the TBRC. There hasn’t been much activity other than a new article entered back in May, by a Bigfoot bounty hunter named Jerry Hestand. ---

Gilliatt

That was a smart move by Jerry, I'll bet he'll catch big foot using those school children as kibble

Confusion? Wasn't he a Chinese philospher?

No, that was Wun Hung Lo.

Him and his brother Hoo Flung Dung?

That's the guy!

Family philosophers, just like the Marx Bros.

Is that Karl and Groucho?

That's the ones - started Marx and Spencer, but they threw Harpo Spencer out because he wasn't very funny. Zippo went on to invent the cigarette lighter.

[prendrelemick]

Harpo Spencer, is that the bloke who got mugged in Govan by a man and a dog of his croc skin wallet and went on to write The fairy Quean before entering the New Zealand customs service?

Maybe you'll have better luck with those officers than I did; they let me pass in my leather teddy and a bag of Columbian gold...I guess it was the cellulite that put them off the scent


:

The mind boggles

[The Atheist]

Crikey, we'll be on to Lord Lucan next!

[jocky]

On the subject of Gods, there are three Eastern deities who have been most influential in my life, you may have heard of them, Guid Luk, Tuff Luk and Nae Luk. Of late the latter has been in the ascendancy. Atheist, Lord Lucan is alive and well and living in the Isle of Skye disguised as a Benedictine monk.

[dafydd manton]

Not so! Lies! Foul Calumny! Lord Lucan is alive and well, wearing a ginger wig and working in a chip shop in Rochdale - you know the one, it's managed by Elvis. They do a very nice saveloy.