Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[The Atheist]

Mrs P doesn't consider any social event a success unless at least one good childbirth horror story has been graphically retold.

I have four kids and four different horror stories if you're keen!

Nah den, luv, does that want ter see me operation scar? Ah 'ad one o' them hysterical rectums, tha knows!

Classic stuff!

[prendrelemick]

Nah den, luv, does that want ter see me operation scar? Ah 'ad one o' them hysterical rectums, tha knows!

I see you haven't lost your ear for the Welsh accent there dafydd

[dafydd manton]

Ah, yes, well, my wife is from Yorkshire, as is my Mother-in-law who lives with us. In fact, I'm working on translating one of my (less successful) books in to a Yorkshire dialect. Whistle affter see, flower!

[The Atheist]

I've given Parker his annual leave for a fortnight - looks like the football is keeping them inside at night!

[dafydd manton]

Capital, old boy. Bang on. Good show, what? Spiffing. Yes. Ha!

[soundofmusic]

Haha!

When my cloning machine is fully operational, I'll clone a few of your avatar bloke for you!

They come in designer options like "No vocal chords", "Housework lover" and that kind of thing.

I get the best of both worlds, the kitchen is only separated by a bar from the lounge, so I was mixing pastry and chatting.

To be honest, I am a bit of a show-off Gordon Ramsay type in the kitchen.

No wonder you are able to keep a hot young blonde wife, Don Juan in the bedroom and Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen
I have a few others you can clone for me at the same time: the housework lover sounds good; but I like them with vocal chords so they can gasp at my beauty and make a few guttural sounds

Mrs P doesn't consider any social event a success unless at least one good childbirth horror story has been graphically retold.

Exactly what I mean! Even when men do talk pregnancy and kids, or the occasional pulled groin or tennis elbow; it's amusing rather than gross.

There's something about the female of the species, and especially in Yorkshire, where a day without, as you say, a childbirth incident, a discussion about somebody's health, ('e's not bin well, t'lad) or a graphic account of an operation has been wasted. Tha knows.

I prefered the days when women gossiped about affairs and the neighbors leaving windows open...

Aye - fistula an' piles they 'ad. T'wer a terrible shame when the' got ''thrush an' all...

haha that was on purpose xD

He will make you feel like Bella.. by that I mean stare at you while you are sleeping.

They most certainly did! We had cold meals and interupted bedroom time for a year!
I think I want the Edward after the Bella transformation...more for the buck; particularly since I'm paying shipping..

Two old Yorkshire lasses chatting.
"Our Elsie's 'ad t'babby, burrit weren't a real 'un. She 'ad one o' them Caesarean Sexuals, tha knows."
"Is that what thiy do ter mek t'cattle pregnant?"
"Nao, luv, that's called Artifical Incrimination. Thiy do it wi' a syringe!"
"Nivver!"
"Ar, straight up, no Bull!"

[dafydd manton]

'Ere, whilst we're on the subject of the opposite sex, so named because they are generally opposed to everything we might do, why do you see so many ugly ones coming out of beauty parlours?

[The Atheist]

Exactly what I mean! Even when men do talk pregnancy and kids, or the occasional pulled groin or tennis elbow; it's amusing rather than gross.

Blokes do less detail than women. I've never heard men discussing how many stitches their vasectomies took as a matter of pride.

'Ere, whilst we're on the subject of the opposite sex, so named because they are generally opposed to everything we might do, why do you see so many ugly ones coming out of beauty parlours?

[Paulclem]

It's a common misconception that - like a house - a lick of emulsion and some gloss on the skirting make beauty...

[The Atheist]

Just in case any of the chaps are travelling in the next little while:

It won't affect too many of us, being of the wrong generation, but any of our younger members - so to speak - would be well advised to avoid Christchurch Airport Customs in the interim.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/3825...rch-court-case

[dafydd manton]

Just cancelled the trip to New Zealand - not because of any bias, but I'm told that all 127 of them have gone to South Africa, for reason or reasons unknown.

[jocky]

Guys and gal I have got myself in a moral morass and your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Me and my faithfull hound Turncoat were out for our early morning walk when, all of a sudden, Mutley's hair stood on end and he started howling and shaking in front of a shiny object. On closer inspection it turned out to be a crocodile skinned wallet. In character I scanned the landscape 360 degrees and shoved it in my pooch. When we got home I opened it and discovered £5000 in fifty pound notes and no identification of ownership, what could I do ? I showed it to Mrs Jocky, big mistake. She pointed out that it could be a pensioners life savings or, even worse a drug dealers stash." Darling I can't hand it in for altruistic reasons and besides we are broke". Helpfull suggestions would be welcome.

[The Atheist]

Oh, if only I had that kind of luck!

Fair go, half and half for you and 'er indoors.

[OrphanPip]

Just in case any of the chaps are travelling in the next little while:

It won't affect too many of us, being of the wrong generation, but any of our younger members - so to speak - would be well advised to avoid Christchurch Airport Customs in the interim.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/3825...rch-court-case

I'd have to see pictures of the custom officers beforehand, but sounds like the perfect way to spice up a trip.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Jocky, you trumped my next posting. I was about to present my quarterly update on the TBRC. There hasn’t been much activity other than a new article entered back in May, by a Bigfoot bounty hunter named Jerry Hestand. ---

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/index.ph...ws/48-news/176

Hmm…You know Jocky, donations are graciously accepted at TBRC. I wonder what the conversion rate is?

Gilliatt