I guess for the three people involved it's their own choice, and nobody, even their families or friends are in any position to put a stop to it. I’m sure they will judge them though, as we all judge each other’s actions whether we admit it or not. Personally I would imagine most people would consider the two men involved to be pretty weak-minded individuals, and the woman to be taking advantage of that fact. Having judged them so… I still say it’s their choice!
.Originally Posted by Scheherazade
You know what, I feel bad for the annonymous poster. To her: I truly hope everything works out well for you and that you don't let others discourage you even if they do incite "social norms" or "moral decorums". Just do whatever is in your heart. If your friends or family can't accept who you are, then too hell with them. Maybe they'll come around, maybe they won't.
About a year ago I just discovered that I had another uncle that I never knew about. Why? Because his parents rejected him because he was gay and ceased talking to him for years. He's my dad's brother and I never even knew he existed. There's moral decorum for you.
The Moments of Dominion
That happen on the Soul
And leave it with a Discontent
Too exquisite — to tell —
-Emily Dickinson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVW8GCnr9-I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGIvr6WVw4
No it's not. There's a world of difference between something fixed by biology and choosing to live in a threesome. The first is not immoral. Morality requires choice.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
Anony: My take on polygamy, in whatever its forms, is mixed. If Joseph Smith had been alive today he probably would have been medicated and sent into sensitivity training as part of his sentencing. Multiple partnership is tricky. If it was two women and one man, I'd be concerned about sexism and subjugation. In your case, if I knew you I'd probably say more power to you sister; however, I'd tread lightly not so much because of what conservative posters/people might think, or liberals, but for your own well being, and the well being of your lovers. When the non-traditional really works it can be a blessing, but those fault lines can be messy. Just be careful.
I question your morality. If it allows you to insult people on a personal level when they come to you for help and advice (despite the fact that they are harming no one), yet according to your set of values you may vehemently oppose to other people's personal lifestyle choices and force them into a situation that they're not comfortable with just so that you can feel better about yourself, then you're wrong.
{edit}
Last edited by Scheherazade; 01-29-2010 at 06:35 AM. Reason: personal comments
__________________
"Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal."
-Pi
As I was waking, in semi-conscious gastronomic distress over a meal I should not have eaten so early, I heard the posts of this discussion in my head; I am not sure why, as it doesn't particularly phase me that a woman would keep two men off balance sexually. I have a story about this based on the Arthurian legends, in fact, where Guinevere is sort of a modern Cleopatra, using her sexuality as a control mechanism, very much aware that she has set two of her lovers against each other, hardly a Gnostic utopia.
I was dissatisfied with my answer, as I am not sure how I'd handle this in a social context: Do the men want it known they are the OP's partners in equal time? I still think it is somewhat delicate, as a revelation, for obvious reasons. I'd tell my best friend--maybe. In my novella revelation isn't the issue, as it is a spy thriller.
I wouldn't be shocked if a friend of mine was in a polyamorous relationship as long as everyone involved is happy with it. You suppose you could tell your best friend and see how they react. If they don't support you, then they're probably not your best friend. As for your other friends/ family/ acquaintances, do they really need to know?
Sounds like a book I would be interested in reading. Will we get a chance too?
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka
It has some tactical problems, just like my longish autobiographical piece, so I do not know if I will expire first or fix these issues before that. I have carried them with me since college, so it has been a burden.
I am not afraid of rejection. I just plow on, even though I'd like to kill my landlord for destroying my near recovery of my old pace, but I am also more cautious about selling myself short, and I want these projects to amount to the best I can make them.
If I submitted my issues to this thread I'd probably shut it down, but I think the community has done a good job with mainly pragmatic responses.
Keep at it, thenJozanny; it's all any if us can do.
In response to the anonymous poster, wouldn't a better question be 'how well do you think yu are going to be able to handle their various reactions?' If you think it's going to be difficult to handle any negativity, then perhaps, in this imperfect world, it might be wiser not to reveal your situation just yet. If you know them well and feel that ,after an initial fallout, they might, like papaya's family, come around, then by all means, let them know.
"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka
Having been in an open relationship myself, I'd be pretty concerned and worried for you. These things never truly work out, and I find there is an awful lot of self denial and hurt going on in the mind of at least one partner. Jealousy, attitude clashing, attempting to share time...
Having said that, to each their own- I wouldn't look down on you or ostracize you, or judge your decisions. It's your decision to make, and so long as nobody is getting hurt, all power to you.
Naked except for a cigarette, you let your mind drift and forget your disbelief. Feel the chill down your back and the flutter of wings through dandelion fields, and forget the pull of gravity in a night without stars.
I lack eloquence and commitment to my arguments. They are half baked, and I will begin passionately, and then abandon them.
Our next letter:I am being bullied by a coworker ( slightly superior ) at work.
What I would like to know is what would you do? What should I do? DO I quit and let him win? DO I stand up to him and make him more mad and therefore more dangerous? DO I just let him think he has won and give him whatever he wants so he will leave me alone and let me get on with the job I love? I am sure I am not the only one who has had to deal with bullies, I’ve been doing it my whole life I seem to attract them which is why I am posting this anonymously I don’t need any potential internet bullies here.
~
"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
Document everything that you can, and seek legal suit. The threat alone taken to your (or his/her) boss, will stop it. Although there may possibly be subtle repercussions, it has to be better than what you are currently going through.
Just my spur of the moment thoughts...
Les Miserables,
Volume 1, Fifth Book, Chapter 3
Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.
My advice is identical. The legal way is better than to start a fight alone with no one to support you. You need to be cautious. Good luck!
Be great in act, as you have been in thought.
William Shakespeare
First of all, forget the attraction thing. Don't believe YOU attract them, because if you do then the negative feeling will stop you from defending yourself, which is what you should eventually do. Instead, think that it happened to you the same way it could have happened to anyone. Remember that abusers are always abusing more than one person. It's their way of life. It's what they are apparently good for, and they have to be stopped somehow. Do not refrain from taking defensive actions, or this individual will come to conclude he can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants. You have no obligation to put up with an uncomfortable situation. Try to find a way to prove you are being bullied. Gather all proofs you can, and present them to your boss. My humble opinion.
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