Tired as hell. I am exauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusted
Tired as hell. I am exauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusted
The Moments of Dominion
That happen on the Soul
And leave it with a Discontent
Too exquisite — to tell —
-Emily Dickinson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVW8GCnr9-I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGIvr6WVw4
frustrated and apprehensive
Calvin: You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last-minute panic.
Unreasonably happy
Had a long productive day and got a lot done.
The Moments of Dominion
That happen on the Soul
And leave it with a Discontent
Too exquisite — to tell —
-Emily Dickinson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVW8GCnr9-I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGIvr6WVw4
Annoyed.
Paranoid.
Violent.
Is it too difficult to understand people aren't possessions?
I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew.
Alcoholic kinda mood!
Tired and a bit moody...
pretty tired...working a night shift for second night in a row...I'm hoping I'm tired enough to sleep in a chair.
Calvin: You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last-minute panic.
Hurting. One of my internl organs is injured.
__________________
"Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal."
-Pi
Sleepy.
For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?Eliot
Hope you are doing well and your injury is not very serious, Juniper.Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
I am feeling fed up and crabby.
~
"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
Thanks Scher. I think it won't be too bad after about four more days.
__________________
"Personal note: When I was a little kid my mother told me not to stare into the sun. So once when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was overwhelming, but I had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink, and then the brightness began to dissolve. My pupils shrunk to pinholes and everything came into focus and for a moment I understood. The doctors didn't know if my eyes would ever heal."
-Pi
My Saturday was wasted, which in itself isn't unusual, but I ended my relationship again with my ex, for the last time, over the holiday, and I am surprised by how much I have to de-invest from what was a wrong relationship for the both of us from when we were supposed to marry in 05.
I never loved him, not even from the beginning, but I had gotten used to him, gotten used to working too hard to try to make him understand how I wanted to be treated, and I don't like, at 47, being so alone as to not even having a Safe Male to drag about, as needed, but I can't take it anymore with this modern Ubu, as I call him.
But what picked me up a little, oddly, was remembering how posters in the Speakeasy would yell at me for feeling sorry, and the thought that if I came here this morning and strung my violin, the same thing would happen, though be it within the forum rules, and I smiled a little to laugh at myself.
What has changed though, is my options are significantly fewer. It is not that I *can't* work at all--just that trying to get back into the job market with what I have to cope with, and narrowing supports from the State, this isn't feasible. And I don't resent LN as I did the other (out of a wrongly felt sense of entitlement, I guess) so I cannot whine that deeply or that hard.
Still, I should have been better established as a writer by now, and though I am rattling at the door, closer than I once was in the other community, I am not *there*, and there may take me another five years, give or take, and I am not sure if I can stave off my old destitution--another thing that changed between 02 and 07 is I came into a little money, which made me a reasonably saner cripple--but the end of that comfort is on the horizon, and I just don't know how I find the continuing strength for renewal.
I am tired of being unhappy, and of my anger from humiliation slowly twisting my insides to a fiend I have to talk myself out of from time to time. I dunno.
One midwestern writer, who published a prize winning story about head lice, put it in simple terms: That people didn't know what to say when I relayed my own narrative like this. By the same token, what do I expect strangers on keyboards to reply?
***
Anyway, I could use a drink, and the best I can do right now, after the fire alarm shocked me awake, is a cup of coffee.
Last edited by Jozanny; 01-10-2010 at 11:17 PM. Reason: addendum
I reply.My Saturday was wasted, which in itself isn't unusual, but I ended my relationship again with my ex, for the last time, over the holiday, and I am surprised by how much I have to de-invest from what was a wrong relationship for the both of us from when we were supposed to marry in 05.
I never loved him, not even from the beginning, but I had gotten used to him, gotten used to working too hard to try to make him understand how I wanted to be treated, and I don't like, at 47, being so alone as to not even having a Safe Male to drag about, as needed, but I can't take it anymore with this modern Ubu, as I call him.
But what picked me up a little, oddly, was remembering how posters in the Speakeasy would yell at me for feeling sorry, and the thought that if I came here this morning and strung my violin, the same thing would happen, though be it within the forum rules, and I smiled a little to laugh at myself.
What has changed though, is my options are significantly fewer. It is not that I *can't* work at all--just that trying to get back into the job market with what I have to cope with, and narrowing supports from the State, this isn't feasible. And I don't resent LN as I did the other (out of a wrongly felt sense of entitlement, I guess) so I cannot whine that deeply or that hard.
Still, I should have been better established as a writer by now, and though I am rattling at the door, closer than I once was in the other community, I am not *there*, and there may take me another five years, give or take, and I am not sure if I can stave off my old destitution--another thing that changed between 02 and 07 is I came into a little money, which made me a reasonably saner cripple--but the end of that comfort is on the horizon, and I just don't know how I find the continuing strength for renewal.
I am tired of being unhappy, and of my anger from humiliation slowly twisting my insides to a fiend I have to talk myself out of from time to time. I dunno.
One midwestern writer, who published a prize winning story about head lice, put it in simple terms: That people didn't know what to say when I relayed my own narrative like this. By the same token, what do I expect strangers on keyboards to reply?
***
Anyway, I could use a drink, and the best I can do right now, after the fire alarm shocked me awake, is a cup of coffee.
Good luck.
That's all I can do.
For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?Eliot
So bored, so tired of everything and nothing.
Oh dear. I do hope that your flu has gone away. Here's a wonderful song that I always find inspiring. It's from the great French film Jules et Jim.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqwLx0DG7qQ
The Moments of Dominion
That happen on the Soul
And leave it with a Discontent
Too exquisite — to tell —
-Emily Dickinson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVW8GCnr9-I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckGIvr6WVw4
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