wight loss help.

[*Classic*Charm*]

Hey Steph! Congrats on quitting smoking! That's a huge deal.

I have to ask you though, what happens when you do get down to 80 pounds? Do you think your boyfriend will be happy then? Or will he immediately find something else to complain about? Here's the thing- no matter what you look like, and I'm sure you're a beautiful girl as you are, people like him will never be satisfied. Someone who scares you and forces you to change yourself is not taking care of you- he's only taking care of himself. And if you do get to be that small, you will be too weak to be able to function, even little things like getting up and down will be exhausting, let alone anything strenuous. Will that, too, make him mad?

The last thing I want to sound like I'm doing is criticizing you- it sounds like you get enough of that.

My dear, you're only fifteen and you say it's "always" been like this. You're too young to be experiencing an "always" relationship that is this hurtful. You should never be afraid. That's not safe. I know it's hard when you love someone, but you have to love yourself first. And that means taking care of you, not taking care of what he wants so you're not scared, I mean Take Care of You.

Good Luck, Be Brave, and Take Care.

[applepie]

Congrats on quitting smoking. Since I'm getting the picture that losing weight is important to you, I'm going to give the bit of advice that took me years to learn. I'm not skinny any more, but at my tiniest I was only 5'2'' and 117. About what you are now. It's a good weight, and there is no need to go below that. If there is worry over fat or trouble spots, hit the gym and build up muscle tone. You are not going to lose digits on your weight, but the difference will be huge. In short, don't stress the number on the scale, and just make sure you are fit and healthy. If that isn't good enough for the boyfriend, then maybe he isn't the right guy for you. His demands are pretty unreasonable as it is, and you'll not be healthy if you make it to you 80lb goal.

Take Care,
Meg

[Lioness_Heart]

Please don't take offence: I don't mean to sound interfering and know litlle about the situation, but:

- Isn't 80 pounds five and a half stone? That isn't healthy for someone who's fifteen: it sounds like you're a perfect weight at the moment. Losing so much weight so fast could be dangerous: my brother got anorexia when he was a teenager and it has taken him over ten years to get over it. Also, damage done early tends to stick.

- Any lifestyle change will only have a positive effect if you do it for yourself. If you want to lose weight, and can can find a way to justify it to yourself, then people have little right to judge. But are you doing it for the right reasons?

- You're very young; do you feel that it is helping you to get into such a serious relationship? As your boyfriend is so much older, he should have the maturity to put you first. Don't destroy yourself to please him. It may be what he wants, but you're too important to do that for anyone.

-You say you're scared of men. I understand that. But if you've been hurt in the past, the worst thing you could do is to get into an abusive relationship: remember, there are different kinds of abuse, and if he's trying to control you... that doesn't sound healthy. You deserve someone who respects you; if he respected you, he wouldn't try to force you to do such damage to yourself.

Above all, you have to put yourself first - not all the time, but if you don't, no-one will. You're fifteen - you should be put first, or at least have equal standing in a relationship.

[ClaesGefvenberg]

maybe im wrong, but its what i deserve so, what can be done...

What? No, Steph... Why do you say that??? You are scaring your Lit Net friends.

well i'v lost 3 pounds in 3 days

Look Steph. Please.... How many of us will it take to make you listen to us? You have no reason to lose weight.

/Claes

[pussnboots]

I am very disturbed by what I am reading here. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone but Steph you are treading in a dangerous territory. First off, 80 lbs. is too low. A safe amt of weight to lose in a week is abt 1 - 2 pounds. You stated that you lost 3 pds in 3 days. This is not healthy. You will end up damaging your body and then what ? Will your BF still be there for you ?
Please don't let your BF run your life. You shld be able to do what you want to do and make yourself happy first. Remember, you always come first.

[blp]

My slightly odd two cents: I think you gain a strange satisfaction from the horror of being treated badly by this guy.

[Pensive]

Reminds me of Lote's thread 'Why do women like evil men' (or something like that). Do something, steph, to change the views of those who think women do like evil men.

BTW, it's nice to see you, blp, on General Chat section lately. Usually it's the Personality Poetry section where one finds you.

[papayahed]

I
Oh, now about a 25 years old dating a 15 years old, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that, we don't choose who we fall in love with, and I will not judge that, it would be quite ridiculous. Be happy, girl, and congratulations for stopping smoking!

Just because you call it "love" is no reason to throw out common sense.

[Scorpio Ascendant]

Honey, you really need to drop him. Not your weight.

[AimusSage]

I would offer advice, but that would not be legal, so instead I agree with the people here that you need to get rid of the idiot and take matters into your own hands, don't let others decide for you, not even us, but least of all that weirdo that wants to control you. Seriously, decide for yourself, and do what is best. Doubt is always around the corner, as is uncertainty, but with every decision you make, you get closer to finding what YOU want. Somehow I doubt you want to loose the weight, it is pressure you can do without.

[Sweets America]

Just because you call it "love" is no reason to throw out common sense.

Common sense would be, for me, to avoid making amalgams about different situations. Her boyfriend behaves badly with her, but that might have nothing to do with their age difference. But of course, once again, people had to find reasons to point this out, because love which is out of the norm has to be criticized. I'm not surprised. I'm just hopeless.

[AimusSage]

Common sense would be, for me, to avoid making amalgams about different situations. Her boyfriend behaves badly with her, but that might have nothing to do with their age difference. But of course, once again, people had to find reasons to point this out, because love which is out of the norm has to be criticized. I'm not surprised. I'm just hopeless.

There is a difference between common sense and deluded sense, ultimate freedom leads to ultimate anarchy. As much as I love to see people be free of judgement or stigma's there is just a place where the ego of one suppresses the other in co-dependence or dominance, which ultimately takes away all freedom and leaves total control.

[Sweets America]

There is a difference between common sense and deluded sense, ultimate freedom leads to ultimate anarchy. As much as I love to see people be free of judgement or stigma's there is just a place where the ego of one suppresses the other in co-dependence or dominance, which ultimately takes away all freedom and leaves total control.

My question is why do you link what I said with the idea of dominance? What she is experiencing with her boyfriend is her personal story, this should not be taken as a model for any relationships with an age difference. But of course people who are against what is different will jump on this example to take advantage of it.
And who talked about ultimate freedom? I know it is very difficult to have ultimate freedom, but I don't see why someone could not have freedom when it only concerns this person's life. But that has already been discussed elsewhere....
Anyway, I'm not sure the original poster would like her thread to go towards that direction, so I will make the effort to shut up, for once.

[AimusSage]

My question is why do you link what I said with the idea of dominance? What she is experiencing with her boyfriend is her personal story, this should not be taken as a model for any relationships with an age difference. But of course people who are against what is different will jump on this example to take advantage of it.
And who talked about ultimate freedom? I know it is very difficult to have ultimate freedom, but I don't see why someone could not have freedom when it only concerns this person's life. But that has already been discussed elsewhere....
Anyway, I'm not sure the original poster would like her thread to go towards that direction, so I will make the effort to shut up, for once.

Ah, you misunderstood, I am not against the age difference, although it might cause conflicts relating to the age difference, but that is on a case by case basis. I am against the (mental) dominance that she is subjected too. which you I am sure will agree with is a bad thing for her.

You refer to papaya's comment that love is no reason to throw out common sense by saying common sense is something completely nonsensical. You are the one to compare apples and oranges, That's all.

[PrinceMyshkin]

so i managed to stop smoking...but i gained 18 pounds in the process im now at the horrible 5'2 118pounds... and well the boyfriend is getting pissed at his less than perfect girlfriend, thats me, and wants me to weigh 80 before may...help? any sugestions

Yes! Assuming your boyfriend weighs at least 38 lbs, dump him.