Evening classes for men? Am I in trouble?
My wife is trying to sign me up for evening classes and has nailed the attached prospectus to my pillow. What do you think LitNet dwellers? Am I in trouble, or something?
Note: I have written a reply, and nailed it to her pillow, but I will withhold it until I have heard some comments from you.Originally Posted by The Adult Education Center for men
/Claes, in dire need of advice...
Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
Class 3 “Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat and avoiding the floor, walls and bathtub?”
Group practice
I can only envision
You learn more about a road by travelling it than by consulting all of the maps in the world.
you know I might need class 4 somtimes.... but then I dont have a laundry hamper just a corner of the room.
Is this a for real prospectus or is this your wife ticked off??
My mission in life is to make YOU smile
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:
Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em
|Litnet Challange status = 5/260
|currently reading
Wow, where do I sign up, it sounds like great fun! I really like 5, I didn't know that either, it'll be great to see how the dishes levitate!
Although I think 8 is not for everyone, what if someone has hayfever??
There is no darkness, there is no light, there is only Lasagne!
order them online!!
My mission in life is to make YOU smile
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:
Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em
|Litnet Challange status = 5/260
|currently reading
Yes, I think you are, indeed, in trouble.I would pay special attention to class number 8, it might do a lot to settle her down.
the luminous grass of the prairie hides
feet lovely and still as sleeping doves,
porcelain bones strong enough to carry a life,
but weighty and unmovable
As black Dakota hills. ~ Riesa
Ok, here is the reply I promised, and now I will be in troubleYes, I think you are, indeed, in trouble.
Classes, you say? What utter tosh and drivel...
Class 1 “How to fill up ice cube trays”
Step by step demonstration with slide presentation.
- I don’t use ice cubes (We live in Sweden, for crying out loud: I’m frozen solid half the year anyway)… Fill them up yourself.
Class 2 “The toilet paper roll – does it change itself?”
Round table discussion.
- No it does not, and if you had a look around before you occupied the throne you would note if a refill is needed... That, I’m sure, would be a good deal easier than to holler for more paper once you’re stuck in there (which incidentally seems to be roughly 12 out of 24 available hours!).
Class 3 “Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat and avoiding the floor, walls and bathtub?”
Group practice
- Group pra…? No, thank you very much. I prefer solitude. Or to quote a well known compatriot: -I want to be alone...
Class 4 “Fundamental differences between the laundry hamper and the floor”.
Pictures and explanatory graphics
- I did not put the dirty laundry on the floor. It fell off the top of the overflowing laundry hamper.
Class 5 “After dinner dishes – can they fly and levitate into the dishwasher?”
Examples on video
- What dishwasher? I am the sodding dishwasher around here, remember?
Class 6 “Loss of identity – losing the TV remote control to your significant other”.
Help line and support group.
- Smashing idea! I would be happy to take part in such a group... As a teacher: After all, someone will have to teach you how that little appliance actually works. Note: Screaming blue murder while pushing the buttons harder will not make them perform tasks they were never programmed for.
Class 7 “Learning how to find things – starting with looking in the right place and not turning the house upside down while screaming”.
Open forum
- Ah, yes… How am I going to find things if you keep moving them around? I know where I put them. It’s just that they don’t stay there…
Class 8 “Health watch – bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health”.
Graphics and audio tapes
- Yes it is. It would actually be harmful to my health as well as yours. You are allergic to them, remember? If I bring you flowers you will get an allergic reaction, whereupon I as well as said groceries will be thrown off the premises.
Class 9 “Learning to live – basic differences between mother and wife”.
On-line class with role play.
- Great. That, I take it, means that you will finally tell your mother that you moved out of her house years ago, and no longer is her little girl?
Class 10 “The stove/oven – what is it and how is it used?”
Live demonstration
- I can tell you how I use it: I spend most of my free time scraping various burnt in carbohydrates off it. How about keeping an eye on the stuff you put on it?
/Claes (edging towards the fallout shelter....)
Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
Oh, you are just asking for it now!
the luminous grass of the prairie hides
feet lovely and still as sleeping doves,
porcelain bones strong enough to carry a life,
but weighty and unmovable
As black Dakota hills. ~ Riesa
Oh my Claes, are you sure a fallout shelter will help you now? I think some emergency grovelling skills would do better...
I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of anything than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
and
a big box of choclates and maybe hide the rat poison and sharp knives....
My mission in life is to make YOU smile
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things:
Forum Rules- You know you want to read 'em
|Litnet Challange status = 5/260
|currently reading
Anyone willing to bet that Claes is sleeping on the sofa tonight?
~
"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
He'll be lucky if she lets him stay in the house.
the luminous grass of the prairie hides
feet lovely and still as sleeping doves,
porcelain bones strong enough to carry a life,
but weighty and unmovable
As black Dakota hills. ~ Riesa
Wonder if they have a dog...He'll be lucky if she lets him stay in the house.
~
"It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
~
I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of anything than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
Mrs. Claes might just add:
Class 11 "how to administer first aid to oneself."
Field trip to emergency room; active roleplay
Or:
Class 12 "that tent you thought you'd never have to use? Dig it out of the garage."
demonstration
'...A cast of your skull, sir, until the original is available, would be an ornament to any anthropological museum. It is not my intention to be fulsome, but I confess that I covet your skull.' --Dr. Mortimer, The Hound of the Baskervilles
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