Top Tips for a Happy Life

[Vonny]

130 - Drugs.

What drugs do you recommend? That last drug idea I got from you had my mind completely unhinged for about 2 weeks. I'm only tonight beginning to feel a bit more sane!

[Paulclem]

I have only one problem with Buddhism - getting rid of desires. How do you do that and why would you want to? If I got rid of desire, there would be nothing left of me! (Okay, I know this is for another thread, so you don't need to answer here!) But the rest of Buddhism sounds good - things such as eliminating fears. The idleness sounds good too, to stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off. That I like.
[/I]

It's all down to happiness. We pursue the things we think will make us happy - money, fame, drugs, alcohol, partners, etc etc. We may find that the actual happiness is short lived - the money runs out/ fortunes change leaving us with the desire for a richer life but without the means to live it, or fame is a huge boost to the ego, but can result in a massive deflation as fortune changes or the press turns on you, or drugs can become an addiction, or alcohol may lose you money, credibility and family, or partners divorce you or make you unhappy. There's no guarantee that any of the things individuals pursue to make them happy will do so. And, of course, at the end, even at the end of an interesting, positive and delightful life - you have to leave every little bit of it - including your loving family and friends - behind.

It's not actually the having or not having things that will make you unhappy - it's your attitude to it. Can a rich person not suffer if they lose their fortune - be above that and happily take up a poor man's life? If it has happened - it would be a rare person.

Be careful though - it's not thinking - I'm cool. I don't care if I'm rich or poor nothing affects me. Thinking consciously these things will not stop unhappness. What you have to do is cut the root of desire. This is what Buddhism is about - through meditation, reflection and practice. It's not about giving things up, because that's not actually stopping the desire for them. It's about completely changing our conditioning. It is counter intuitive and very very difficult. This is why people become monks and nuns so that they can go through the rigourous training needed to do it. (People don't become Monks and Nuns in order to withdraw, but to focus upon the path which actually brings them up against the very conditioning, emotions and desire that drives all of us.They don't do it to escape but to confront.)

By the way, I'm not advocating anyone becoming a Monk or a Nun. It is unsuitable for most of us. There are other ways a lay person can practice.

[osho]

Real happiness? All of us crave and yet we live misguidedly. We are misled by our society since our society’s values are money, power, relationship, acquisition. There is no shade of happiness and peace there. You can never be happy save a certain point. Once you have the basic you must peruse something subtler than wealrth

[MarkBastable]

There's no guarantee that any of the things individuals pursue to make them happy will do so. And, of course, at the end, even at the end of an interesting, positive and delightful life - you have to leave every little bit of it - including your loving family and friends.

The trouble I have with this is not that it is or isn't true - because obviously it is - but that anyone should think it should be avoided. It seems so....I dunno...self-regarding to me to suggest that all that is anything other than perfectly all right.

[Scheherazade]

Real happiness? All of us crave and yet we live misguidedly. We are misled by our society since our society’s values are money, power, relationship, acquisition. There is no shade of happiness and peace there. You can never be happy save a certain point. Once you have the basic you must peruse something subtler than wealrth

I often hear people talking about "today's society", "they" and "them" and I cannot help wondering who makes up the society? Who are these "they" and "them"? Are we not part of the very same society?

I feel happy to have certain luxuries (say my laptop or phone or ereader) not because I show them off or they keep me warm at night but because they enable me to do things that give me pleasure... Like coming to this Forum, talking to my friends who happen to live thousands of miles away from me or carry all my books with me.

One can easily claim that smoking, having alcohol or doing drugs are worse than wishing for material things... As they, one might argue, offer nothing but fleeting, false "happiness".

131 - Embrace your society and be a part of it!

[LitNetIsGreat]

129 - Always try to control your temper.

Scary. I was going to say that too.

Yes I like the Buddhism stuff myself as well. The core values makes perfect sense to me (see for example the Four Noble Truths). I'm not full-on into it but I think in its philosophy there is perhaps something there for everyone, or nearly everyone.

Tip 132 - Dip into Buddhism a little.

You mind find something to make you a little happier.

[Alexander III]

What drugs do you recommend? That last drug idea I got from you had my mind completely unhinged for about 2 weeks. I'm only tonight beginning to feel a bit more sane!

Meh I dont really recommend drugs...but if you must do one, do weed - by law it is worse than alcohol but from a physical point alcohol is far worst.

I have tried several drugs and had stints with many things, and I don't care much for them. This may sound all cliche but there are natural highs which come internally from the body and these are amazing compared to drugs.

Drugs are a lot like huge metropolitan cities at night. With towers of glass and bright lights of white and yellow and red and green and blue and all that vastness and newness. But after a while living in any big city one feels that metallic loneliness at night, that cold loneliness that only a big glass city with starless skies and little yellow and white lights can give you. Drugs are like this.

Life just seems simpler in the country. I mean everyone ought to spend some time in a big city like New York or London or Paris. But the simpleness of the country is more pleasant.

[Alexander III]

Scary. I was going to say that too.

Yes I like the Buddhism stuff myself as well. The core values makes perfect sense to me (see for example the Four Noble Truths). I'm not full-on into it but I think in its philosophy there is perhaps something there for everyone, or nearly everyone.

Tip 132 - Dip into Buddhism a little.

You mind find something to make you a little happier.

Mind if I correct a bit?

Tip 133 - Dip into all religions a little.Close an eye once in a while to faith, and once in a while close an eye to modern science. But never keep the same eye closed all the time.

[Vonny]

Paul, thanks for your explanation. I was kidding a bit about being riddled with desires. My main desire is to be free of my recurrent ptsd symptoms. Buddhism does appeal to me.

Alexander, you described drugs and the city very well. Again, I was kidding mainly. I'm not one to use drugs really, even prescription ones. But the one I'm taking now does seem to be helping. I've even been able to sleep 6 hours at one time.

I rarely ask for forgiveness.

Olga, although you sometimes bear a striking resemblance to my mother, I'll let you be who you are! Probably, as before, your intent comes across a bit different in type. But even if you are like my mother, I'll let you be! My mom will never apologize, probably because she thinks it would be an admission of guilt. I used to say "I'm sorry" all the time to her, even when it wasn't my fault. I usually just figure that if I upset someone, I'm sorry for that, even if I didn't do it intentionally. (And then, that's what I was taught to do.) But I made a decision a while back regarding my mother, that I will no longer apologize unless it really is my fault.

Here's one we hear all the time now, but it is good. The zen concept:

134 - Be mindful. Stay in the moment. Stay out of the past and out of the future.
To know how to do it, just watch an animal, such as a cat lying in the sunshine.

[Paulclem]

The trouble I have with this is not that it is or isn't true - because obviously it is - but that anyone should think it should be avoided. It seems so....I dunno...self-regarding to me to suggest that all that is anything other than perfectly all right.

I put that in order to address the idea that some people seem to have perfect lives - to outsiders looking on. We don't know that, but the perception may be there.

The other end of the scale is the suicide ho wishes to escape from it all - and every shade is in between.

I think you're right though. We are self regarding. We are the centre of the unverse - but that's only because we only tend to look from our perspective - generally speaking.

There are antidotes to that too - meditations on what we owe everybody else - which is that we owe everything.

Is this what you were referring to?

Paul, thanks for your explanation. I was kidding a bit about being riddled with desires. My main desire is to be free of my recurrent ptsd symptoms. Buddhism does appeal to me.

No worries.

I do so like the sound of my own typing... I mean voice.. I mean digital expression...

[Vonny]

No worries.

I do so like the sound of my own typing... I mean voice.. I mean digital expression...

I get A LOT out of what you say on the forum.

[MarkBastable]

Is this what you were referring to?

Kinda. I meant that if the universe were to say to me....

There's no guarantee that any of the things individuals pursue to make them happy will do so. And, of course, at the end, even at the end of an interesting, positive and delightful life - you have to leave every little bit of it - including your loving family and friends.

..I'd say, "Yeah - seems fair. I see no reason to construct any kind of belief system to escape from those very reasonable precepts."

[Paulclem]

Kinda. I meant that if the universe were to say to me....

There's no guarantee that any of the things individuals pursue to make them happy will do so. And, of course, at the end, even at the end of an interesting, positive and delightful life - you have to leave every little bit of it - including your loving family and friends.

..I'd say, "Yeah - seems fair. I see no reason to construct any kind of belief system to escape from those very reasonable precepts."

I see now. The Buddhist attitude reflects the view that Samsara - this life we experience - is a place of inevitable suffering to the extent that our apparent happinesses also bring suffering.

In the case of a happy and fulfilling life, the likely reality of such a person's mind is that their attatchment to the things that make them happy will have increased, and inensified their attatchment or desire. The inevitable parting from this then results in suffering.

If we could generate a "I've had a good innings" attitude in the face of death, then this will reduce suffering and increase the clarity of the mind. Unfortunately, it seems that most beings are unable, without training, to develop a positive state of mind and thus succumb to fear, anger or another negative emotion. It might be fear for oneself or fear for others in which the underlying motivator is attachment/ desire to retain their state.

I think the Buddhist model of the mind - or rather levels of mind - suggests that whilst our conscious mind may declare one thing - the underlying mind/s are where our motivations and fears manifest and affect our thought and actions.

I don't know if you've ever caught yourself muttering and complaining to yourself about having to do something whilst you somehow get on with what you objected to and do it. I find myself doing this, and my explanation to myself when I reflect is that actually my surface/ conscious mind is not the actual place which controls my motivations and impulses, fears etc. (This might be just me though ).

[MarkBastable]

I see now. The Buddhist attitude reflects the view that Samsara - this life we experience - is a place of inevitable suffering to the extent that our apparent happinesses also bring suffering.

I have no sense of that at all, I have to say. I'm not saying that there's no suffering - but that it's part of a sort of unfair distribution, because the universe doesn't really recognise life in general as very significant, and actually has no mechanism even to consider whether individual lives are important - which means, actually, that they're not.

I don't know if you've ever caught yourself muttering and complaining to yourself about having to do something whilst you somehow get on with what you objected to and do it. I find myself doing this, and my explanation to myself when I reflect is that actually my surface/ conscious mind is not the actual place which controls my motivations and impulses, fears etc. (This might be just me though ).

I think I'm lucky (and I mean lucky, because it's a confluence of my nature and my nurture - so I can't take any credit for it) that the communication between my conscious and my subconscious seems pretty constant and honest. On the other hand, it might be that I'm either stupid or self-obsessed. Or both.

The upshot, though, is that sometime in my thirties, circumstances conspired to encourage me to figure out what the **** was going on inside me, and so I worked on it. Having recognised a sort of subterranean magma flow that fuelled all the tectonic shifts on the surface, I realised that whatever was going on under there was fundamental, and that as long as I was aware of it, I could anticipate the crevasses, and step over them or step away - and, eventually, learn to dance in time with the shifts and quakes.

All of which, of course, makes you much more sympathetic to the mad volcanoes on other people's planets,

[NikolaiI]

135 - Trust yourself.