Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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06-19-2010, 01:41 PM
prendrelemick

I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.
06-19-2010, 02:13 PM
dafydd manton

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.

:biggrin5: :nod: :biggrin5: :nod::nod::biggrin5:!!!!!!!!!!!!
06-19-2010, 03:32 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Recently I have turned my mind to all things astronomical, so much so that I have converted my attic into an observatory, complete with the Meade ETX-LS 6" telescope.....man, that Heather Macpherson at number 42 sure looks hot in her skimpy white underwear embroidered with tiny red roses. She really needs to close her blinds at night, you never know who could be watching....

Haha! If she knows you're living in the same county, I bet she does know who's watching - more care needed there or you'll be trying to do two birds with one stone!

Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.

Tower crane drivers are aware of this.
06-19-2010, 03:33 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.

Too funny- You're making my Saturday.
Actually you are causing me to waste my Saturday!

__________________
First we must have some theme music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnbiRDNaDeo

Jocky,
Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but don’t “strain” your eyes.
Good, now look North by Northwest and here we see Cassiopeein in the Big Dipper.
Now follow the arc to Arcturus where we find him shakin his Bootes.
But Sirius ly, you must not trifle with Mrs. Jocky or you’ll be spending the night in the Canis Major house.
Or worse still, she’ll accuse you of being a Lyra and force you to sleep in the Vega.
What’s this sticky mess on the eyepiece? Have you been eating Milky Way bars again?
Never mind about that let us turn our eyes to the south and behold the greatest *** tronomical spectacle of all time; Klingons around Uranus.

Gilliatt
06-19-2010, 04:14 PM
prendrelemick

:biggrin5: Cl***ic:biggrin5:
06-19-2010, 05:22 PM
The Atheist

What's with the asterisks?

Have donkeys suddenly become illegal? Didn't Jesus ride an ***?
06-19-2010, 05:25 PM
dafydd manton

yeah, but we don;t want some *%^$* thinking that you can *&%#ing well say ''@?~=+ on the ##*&+ computer. For **#@=+$! sake!!
06-19-2010, 05:26 PM
The Atheist

I assume this is some kind of error....

Why classic and not assume?

Scher is playing with us - it's not 1st April is it?
06-19-2010, 05:35 PM
dafydd manton

Nah, I just didn't want to offend the delicate sensibilites of the average member, so a few things got deleted. You can't be too ******* careful.
06-20-2010, 01:34 AM
prendrelemick

Everyone starts to pretend to swear, and what happens? - I've got a Laura Ashley Google ad !!!

Are they seeking to change their core customer demigraphic profile? What next, pink shell suits among the twin sets? Nylon leopard print curtains? Name change to Shazza Ashley? It will hit Mrs P hard.
06-20-2010, 04:32 AM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Nylon leopard print curtains? Name change to Shazza Ashley? It will hit Mrs P hard.

Aaargh!

You've just described West Auckland.

Even their MP drives around in a leopard-print Toyota.
06-20-2010, 06:43 AM
dafydd manton

Nylon leopard print curtains, for that electric shock first thing in the morning!
06-20-2010, 11:13 AM
Paulclem

Tack, tat and useless plastic rubbish. it's the foundations of the Western and Eastern economy. Where would Christmas be without it I ask?
06-20-2010, 12:09 PM
dafydd manton

Why, it might even become a pagan festival, with little bearing on Christianity!
06-20-2010, 03:45 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Tack, tat and useless plastic rubbish. it's the foundations of the Western and Eastern economy. Where would Christmas be without it I ask?

It's funny how people never quite understand that a consumer society must, at some stage end, up in the past tense.

Consumed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Why, it might even become a pagan festival, with little bearing on Christianity!

I like that!
06-20-2010, 04:05 PM
dafydd manton

Nylon, indeed!! Have they never heard of venetian blinds, or those heavy, maroon brocade ones you can get cheap if you can get to an Indian restaurant that's being refurbished. Admittedly, the house smells a bit strange for a few months, but think of the beer tokens you've saved!!
06-20-2010, 04:50 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Harpo Spencer, is that the bloke who got mugged in Govan by a man and a dog of his croc skin wallet and went on to write The fairy Quean before entering the New Zealand customs service?:rolleyes5:

I heard that Harpo was a fairy queen and traded his croc wallet for the dog:smilewinkgrin:

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Recently I have turned my mind to all things astronomical, so much so that I have converted my attic into an observatory, complete with the Meade ETX-LS 6" telescope.....man, that Heather Macpherson at number 42 sure looks hot in her skimpy white underwear embroidered with tiny red roses. She really needs to close her blinds at night, you never know who could be watching.... I digress, what was I on about, oh yes, Mrs Jocky paid a visit to my newly converted attic and after 5 minutes of silent observation remarked, " In the magnificence and wonderment of our Universe Mars looks comparitively tiny and insignificant. " I thought that was so profound I did not have the heart to tell her she was looking through the wrong end of the telescope. :)

I don't know, Jocky, maybe Mrs J was also looing at Heathers red roses instead of the "red planet":cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.
Tower crane drivers are aware of this.

:blush2: I guess the semi-truck drivers did see what we were doing on the freeways in our younger and more athletic days:rolleyes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Have donkeys suddenly become illegal? Didn't Jesus ride an ***?

Speaking of our younger and more athletic days:banana::banana::banana:

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Nah, I just didn't want to offend the delicate sensibilites of the average member, so a few things got deleted. You can't be too ******* careful.

...someone get my smelling salts; I think I feel the vapors coming on:angelsad2:

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.

I think I saw him the other day in the ladies room:goof:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Too funny- You're making my Saturday.
Actually you are causing me to waste my Saturday!

__________________
First we must have some theme music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnbiRDNaDeo

Jocky,
Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but don’t “strain” your eyes.
Good, now look North by Northwest and here we see Cassiopeein in the Big Dipper.
Now follow the arc to Arcturus where we find him shakin his Bootes.
But Sirius ly, you must not trifle with Mrs. Jocky or you’ll be spending the night in the Canis Major house.
Or worse still, she’ll accuse you of being a Lyra and force you to sleep in the Vega.
What’s this sticky mess on the eyepiece? Have you been eating Milky Way bars again?
Never mind about that let us turn our eyes to the south and behold the greatest *** tronomical spectacle of all time; Klingons around Uranus.

Gilliatt

:lol::thumbs_up
06-20-2010, 08:32 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

:blush2: I guess the semi-truck drivers did see what we were doing on the freeways in our younger and more athletic days:rolleyes:

Haha! You remind me of a great story.

One of my former lovers - a blonde stunner, funnily enough - was a complete exhibitionist who used to drive an automatic car with her left leg resting on the centre console to see how many truck drivers just about lost control. (right hand drive)

Baaaad girl.

But lots of fun!

She also used to come into my office and make like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. My secretary - an older, but fun bird - used to come and tell me that "that sexy-lookin' one had arrived".

:D
06-21-2010, 12:32 PM
dafydd manton

That's the down-side of working at home. All I get is the missus bringing in a coffee now and again, which I appreciate, or else the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.
06-21-2010, 03:21 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

That's the down-side of working at home. All I get is the missus bringing in a coffee now and again, which I appreciate, or else the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.

One advantage to working from home - you know you can chase the secretary around without fear of reprisal!
06-21-2010, 03:38 PM
dafydd manton

Ha! Rumbled! Mind you, these days, I'd probably need an osteopath!
06-21-2010, 04:58 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Haha! If she knows you're living in the same county, I bet she does know who's watching - more care needed there or you'll be trying to do two birds with one stone!

Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.

Tower crane drivers are aware of this.

Funny enough Mr Macpherson came to my door in a very threatening posture, unfortunately for him the military training kicked in. He is now in wards 2, 3, 7, and 10 of the local hospital. He "may me gone for some time". :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Jocky,
Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but don’t “strain” your eyes.
Good, now look North by Northwest and here we see Cassiopeein in the Big Dipper.
Now follow the arc to Arcturus where we find him shakin his Bootes.
But Sirius ly, you must not trifle with Mrs. Jocky or you’ll be spending the night in the Canis Major house.
Or worse still, she’ll accuse you of being a Lyra and force you to sleep in the Vega.
What’s this sticky mess on the eyepiece? Have you been eating Milky Way bars again?
Never mind about that let us turn our eyes to the south and behold the greatest *** tronomical spectacle of all time; Klingons around Uranus.

Gilliatt

A brand new anorak is in the post. As to Klingons around Uranus, you really need to look after your personal hygeine. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

I don't know, Jocky, maybe Mrs J was also looing at Heathers red roses instead of the "red planet":

:lol:
One peeping Tom in the household is quite sufficient thank you very much. :)
06-21-2010, 06:27 PM
dafydd manton

Any post that can contain Klingons, Uranus, Peeping Toms and Anoraks in one go deserves the Nobel Prize for Literature - twice!
06-21-2010, 06:35 PM
Paulclem

This is the thread Dafydd - aliens and ale, women and the world cup, beer and banking, google and whatnot. It is the home of the wise and experienced - though not at the same time.
06-21-2010, 06:40 PM
dafydd manton

That lets me out, mate. Experienced, without a doubt, but wise? I don't think so!
06-21-2010, 06:43 PM
Paulclem

Just the ticket! No smart***es are allowed, or else Parker, when he returns will have to have a word. I wonder when he's due back?
06-21-2010, 07:18 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Haha! You remind me of a great story.

One of my former lovers - a blonde stunner, funnily enough - was a complete exhibitionist who used to drive an automatic car with her left leg resting on the centre console to see how many truck drivers just about lost control. (right hand drive)

Baaaad girl.

But lots of fun!

She also used to come into my office and make like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. My secretary - an older, but fun bird - used to come and tell me that "that sexy-lookin' one had arrived".

:D

Fortuantely, I was never the one driving; I don't know if it's true, but I hear men have better hand:eye coordination. I was always dating fellows that wanted to try athetics at 80 miles an hour...bumped my head on the steering wheel a few times:crazy:

I'll bet you really prolonged Sharons case...:cool:

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.

My cat thinks I'm his bi***; I haven't had a hot dinner in a year, he always uses the litter box and insists on immediate service before I sit down:ack2:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

One advantage to working from home - you know you can chase the secretary around without fear of reprisal!

I don't guess you get alot of work done that way. I don't guess that works if the secretary isn't your wife:smile5:

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

Ha! Rumbled! Mind you, these days, I'd probably need an osteopath!

One of my former sweet hearts recently teased me, stating that I would "have a heart attack" if I attempted a night of bliss:blush2::prrr:
What do you think the purpose of that was?:confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

One peeping Tom in the household is quite sufficient thank you very much. :)

Well, I assumed that Mrs Jocky was keeping her eye on the red planet to insure that it wasn't going to lose gravity and come crashing through your window one night:ihih:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

This is the thread Dafydd - aliens and ale, women and the world cup, beer and banking, google and whatnot. It is the home of the wise and experienced - though not at the same time.

Which is why, even if the ladies would allow me to take part in their discussion of shoes and toe nail fungi cures, I would still be haunting this thread:gnorsi:

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

That lets me out, mate. Experienced, without a doubt, but wise? I don't think so!

I'm like your basic scientist; I keep retesting the experiences to see if I got them right the first time:rolleyes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Just the ticket! No smart***es are allowed, or else Parker, when he returns will have to have a word. I wonder when he's due back?

Here, Here, My warm beer is cooling off...
06-21-2010, 08:32 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

Funny enough Mr Macpherson came to my door in a very threatening posture, unfortunately for him the military training kicked in. He is now in wards 2, 3, 7, and 10 of the local hospital.

I gather you're used to drinking late in Glasgow!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Just the ticket! No smart***es are allowed, or else Parker, when he returns will have to have a word. I wonder when he's due back?

After the final whistle of the World Cup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Fortuantely, I was never the one driving; I don't know if it's true, but I hear men have better hand:eye coordination. I was always dating fellows that wanted to try athetics at 80 miles an hour...bumped my head on the steering wheel a few times:crazy:

Yep, that stuff that seemed so great at the time looks pretty dodgy in hindsight!
06-22-2010, 01:08 AM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Yep, that stuff that seemed so great at the time looks pretty dodgy in hindsight!

Ah, but all the smile they give me in my dotage are worth it:smile5:
06-22-2010, 01:21 AM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

Fortuantely, I was never the one driving; I don't know if it's true, but I hear men have better hand:eye coordination. I was always dating fellows that wanted to try athetics at 80 miles an hour...bumped my head on the steering wheel a few times:crazy:

While driving down the M1 last year, Mrs P's lipstick rolled across the top of the dash and dropped into my footwell. (Why do they feel the need to touch up their face every 5 mins) I'm sure you've guessed the rest, as she was struggling to retrieve it, a coach full of the recently pubescent drew along side, a friendly group, grinning, cheering and waving as they slowly slid by. It was at least 20 mins before she felt the need to apply any more blusher I can tell you. I sighed wistfully and said it reminded me of the old days. A stoney silence ensued for the rest of the journey.
06-22-2010, 04:59 AM
The Atheist

:lol:

Classic!
06-22-2010, 05:22 PM
The Atheist

Midwinter in Auckland, but we're still getting reasonable weather - today it's around 16 deg and fine with no wind.

Apparently, this is what we can expect with global warming, so it isn't easy to sell carbon reduction around here!

A question for gentlemen to ponder:

Should we stockpile alcohol before the new 20% VAT comes into effect?

Apparently, we're down to only 126 cases of scotch and 483 of champagne.
06-22-2010, 05:32 PM
dafydd manton

I've tried stockpiling as much as I can, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick now, and I've had to wander upstairs 17 times in the last half hour. Itsh gettin' ekshtrmly dffictl now, but i'M doin' me besht. Pleasshe advizhe if i'm doin' thish proply. I love you, you're my besht mate.....
06-22-2010, 05:53 PM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

While driving down the M1 last year, Mrs P's lipstick rolled across the top of the dash and dropped into my footwell. (Why do they feel the need to touch up their face every 5 mins) I'm sure you've guessed the rest, as she was struggling to retrieve it, a coach full of the recently pubescent drew along side, a friendly group, grinning, cheering and waving as they slowly slid by. It was at least 20 mins before she felt the need to apply any more blusher I can tell you. I sighed wistfully and said it reminded me of the old days. A stoney silence ensued for the rest of the journey.

Perhaps Mrs. P hasn't reached her dotage where she sheds a tear for those by-gone days. It's a funny thing, though, when I look back, it seems that the air always smelled sweet, the young men never had dirty socks or bad breath....
maybe that's the thing that gets us when we are old: sharpened senses:ack2:

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Midwinter in Auckland, but we're still getting reasonable weather - today it's around 16 deg and fine with no wind.

Apparently, this is what we can expect with global warming, so it isn't easy to sell carbon reduction around here!

A question for gentlemen to ponder:

Should we stockpile alcohol before the new 20% VAT comes into effect?

Apparently, we're down to only 126 cases of scotch and 483 of champagne.

It is the beginning of summer here, my a/c is broken in the car and my driving arm is 3 shades darker than the other. You can feel the sun penetrate through the cotton clothes and melts you to your whities...
Tell Parker to double the rations; me and Gilliatt are sneaking past the border.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

I've tried stockpiling as much as I can, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick now, and I've had to wander upstairs 17 times in the last half hour. Itsh gettin' ekshtrmly dffictl now, but i'M doin' me besht. Pleasshe advizhe if i'm doin' thish proply. I love you, you're my besht mate.....

Dafydd love, I'm not sure, but I think part of your supply just splashed on the stairs:frown2:
06-22-2010, 05:58 PM
dafydd manton

nah, nah, thatsh the cat....jusht trippt over the shtupid ****zzzzzzzzzzz
06-22-2010, 06:44 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

While driving down the M1 last year, Mrs P's lipstick rolled across the top of the dash and dropped into my footwell. (Why do they feel the need to touch up their face every 5 mins) I'm sure you've guessed the rest, as she was struggling to retrieve it, a coach full of the recently pubescent drew along side, a friendly group, grinning, cheering and waving as they slowly slid by. It was at least 20 mins before she felt the need to apply any more blusher I can tell you. I sighed wistfully and said it reminded me of the old days. A stoney silence ensued for the rest of the journey.

:lol: Superb

I was once on a rugby trip to Lancashire when the coach passed a car on the inside lane with the bloke who played George Roper in The Liver birds and George and Mildred. We had a really good coach driver - Barry - who kept us neck and neck with the poor fellow for the next 5 minutes. I bet he'd never seen so many hairy grins pressed up against the bus bus window before.

http://www.online-literature.com/for...pictureid=7393
06-22-2010, 08:02 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by dafydd manton

I've tried stockpiling as much as I can, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick now, and I've had to wander upstairs 17 times in the last half hour. Itsh gettin' ekshtrmly dffictl now, but i'M doin' me besht. Pleasshe advizhe if i'm doin' thish proply. I love you, you're my besht mate.....

Ummm, stockpiling doesn't mean drinking it all at once!

:lol:

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

It is the beginning of summer here, my a/c is broken in the car and my driving arm is 3 shades darker than the other.

Yeah, I get that in summer if I drive around a lot. Looks bloody funny!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I was once on a rugby trip to Lancashire when the coach passed a car on the inside lane with the bloke who played George Roper in The Liver birds and George and Mildred. We had a really good coach driver - Barry - who kept us neck and neck with the poor fellow for the next 5 minutes. I bet he'd never seen so many hairy grins pressed up against the bus bus window before.

George & Mildred, that's going back some!

The other program wasn't The Liver Birds, but the one with Gilbert O'Sullivan and the two chicky flatmates - one an amazing blonde that I recall very well!
06-22-2010, 08:49 PM
stlukesguild

Summer here in the US. Closing in on warm and excessively humid. We had our first cook out of the year. A belated Father's Day: steaks and burgers on the grill... just finished off an interesting banana bread beer:banana: and moving on to my personal favorite: Samuel Smith Imperial Stout... a classic Miles disc blaring:

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4049/...f410b4bc21.jpg

Miles, Jeanne Moreau, and Sam Smith... what could be finer?;)
06-22-2010, 10:21 PM
stlukesguild

On to the third Sam Smith and the third Miles disc... the immortal:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1084/...7baf3d4e54.jpg
06-22-2010, 10:41 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by stlukesguild

On to the third Sam Smith and the third Miles disc... the immortal:

Yep, you can play that all day - fantastic stuff.

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