Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[The Atheist]

Nylon leopard print curtains? Name change to Shazza Ashley? It will hit Mrs P hard.

Aaargh!

You've just described West Auckland.

Even their MP drives around in a leopard-print Toyota.

[dafydd manton]

Nylon leopard print curtains, for that electric shock first thing in the morning!

[Paulclem]

Tack, tat and useless plastic rubbish. it's the foundations of the Western and Eastern economy. Where would Christmas be without it I ask?

[dafydd manton]

Why, it might even become a pagan festival, with little bearing on Christianity!

[The Atheist]

Tack, tat and useless plastic rubbish. it's the foundations of the Western and Eastern economy. Where would Christmas be without it I ask?

It's funny how people never quite understand that a consumer society must, at some stage end, up in the past tense.

Consumed.

Why, it might even become a pagan festival, with little bearing on Christianity!

I like that!

[dafydd manton]

Nylon, indeed!! Have they never heard of venetian blinds, or those heavy, maroon brocade ones you can get cheap if you can get to an Indian restaurant that's being refurbished. Admittedly, the house smells a bit strange for a few months, but think of the beer tokens you've saved!!

[soundofmusic]

Harpo Spencer, is that the bloke who got mugged in Govan by a man and a dog of his croc skin wallet and went on to write The fairy Quean before entering the New Zealand customs service?

I heard that Harpo was a fairy queen and traded his croc wallet for the dog

Recently I have turned my mind to all things astronomical, so much so that I have converted my attic into an observatory, complete with the Meade ETX-LS 6" telescope.....man, that Heather Macpherson at number 42 sure looks hot in her skimpy white underwear embroidered with tiny red roses. She really needs to close her blinds at night, you never know who could be watching.... I digress, what was I on about, oh yes, Mrs Jocky paid a visit to my newly converted attic and after 5 minutes of silent observation remarked, " In the magnificence and wonderment of our Universe Mars looks comparitively tiny and insignificant. " I thought that was so profound I did not have the heart to tell her she was looking through the wrong end of the telescope.

I don't know, Jocky, maybe Mrs J was also looing at Heathers red roses instead of the "red planet"

Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.
Tower crane drivers are aware of this.

I guess the semi-truck drivers did see what we were doing on the freeways in our younger and more athletic days

Have donkeys suddenly become illegal? Didn't Jesus ride an ***?

Speaking of our younger and more athletic days

Nah, I just didn't want to offend the delicate sensibilites of the average member, so a few things got deleted. You can't be too ******* careful.

...someone get my smelling salts; I think I feel the vapors coming on

I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.

I think I saw him the other day in the ladies room

Too funny- You're making my Saturday.
Actually you are causing me to waste my Saturday!

__________________
First we must have some theme music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnbiRDNaDeo

Jocky,
Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but don’t “strain” your eyes.
Good, now look North by Northwest and here we see Cassiopeein in the Big Dipper.
Now follow the arc to Arcturus where we find him shakin his Bootes.
But Sirius ly, you must not trifle with Mrs. Jocky or you’ll be spending the night in the Canis Major house.
Or worse still, she’ll accuse you of being a Lyra and force you to sleep in the Vega.
What’s this sticky mess on the eyepiece? Have you been eating Milky Way bars again?
Never mind about that let us turn our eyes to the south and behold the greatest *** tronomical spectacle of all time; Klingons around Uranus.

Gilliatt

[The Atheist]

I guess the semi-truck drivers did see what we were doing on the freeways in our younger and more athletic days

Haha! You remind me of a great story.

One of my former lovers - a blonde stunner, funnily enough - was a complete exhibitionist who used to drive an automatic car with her left leg resting on the centre console to see how many truck drivers just about lost control. (right hand drive)

Baaaad girl.

But lots of fun!

She also used to come into my office and make like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. My secretary - an older, but fun bird - used to come and tell me that "that sexy-lookin' one had arrived".

[dafydd manton]

That's the down-side of working at home. All I get is the missus bringing in a coffee now and again, which I appreciate, or else the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.

[The Atheist]

That's the down-side of working at home. All I get is the missus bringing in a coffee now and again, which I appreciate, or else the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.

One advantage to working from home - you know you can chase the secretary around without fear of reprisal!

[dafydd manton]

Ha! Rumbled! Mind you, these days, I'd probably need an osteopath!

[jocky]

Haha! If she knows you're living in the same county, I bet she does know who's watching - more care needed there or you'll be trying to do two birds with one stone!

Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.

Tower crane drivers are aware of this.

Funny enough Mr Macpherson came to my door in a very threatening posture, unfortunately for him the military training kicked in. He is now in wards 2, 3, 7, and 10 of the local hospital. He "may me gone for some time".

Jocky,
Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but don’t “strain” your eyes.
Good, now look North by Northwest and here we see Cassiopeein in the Big Dipper.
Now follow the arc to Arcturus where we find him shakin his Bootes.
But Sirius ly, you must not trifle with Mrs. Jocky or you’ll be spending the night in the Canis Major house.
Or worse still, she’ll accuse you of being a Lyra and force you to sleep in the Vega.
What’s this sticky mess on the eyepiece? Have you been eating Milky Way bars again?
Never mind about that let us turn our eyes to the south and behold the greatest *** tronomical spectacle of all time; Klingons around Uranus.

Gilliatt

A brand new anorak is in the post. As to Klingons around Uranus, you really need to look after your personal hygeine.

I don't know, Jocky, maybe Mrs J was also looing at Heathers red roses instead of the "red planet":

One peeping Tom in the household is quite sufficient thank you very much.

[dafydd manton]

Any post that can contain Klingons, Uranus, Peeping Toms and Anoraks in one go deserves the Nobel Prize for Literature - twice!

[Paulclem]

This is the thread Dafydd - aliens and ale, women and the world cup, beer and banking, google and whatnot. It is the home of the wise and experienced - though not at the same time.

[dafydd manton]

That lets me out, mate. Experienced, without a doubt, but wise? I don't think so!