No they lie back and say; "Oh George what a lovely ceiling"
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No they lie back and say; "Oh George what a lovely ceiling"
Ceiling texture is always a great conversation topic in my bedroom, for sure.
What do the ladies say when you join them in the shower?:ladysman:
Gerrout!
I don't know, I'm not one for laying under the beast where it may fall on me.
I like to keep it right between my honches where I can, at least, feign control:lol:
I hear the women are all plotting to break into the bloke forum; shall I stand right outside your locker room and protect you?Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I've heard, from private sources, that the best beer is made over prison toilets with moldy bread and fruit juice.:lol:
Quote:
Originally Posted by MANICHAEAN
To which I reply. George ??:mad:
Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Only when hitting the balls very hard.
Only when hitting the balls very hard.[/QUOTE]
:confused: Tennis balls?
:flare: Poor jocky, is that naughty Atheist trying to get your pious Scottish personage in trouble (but, you know, he does add zest to the party)Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I shouldn't worry too much, birds can never stay in one place very long given their insatiable desire to feast on the biggest, juiciest worms:p
That is so spooky! A disembodied voice whispered in my ear: Jocky, Jocky you need to attend church this Sunday. I did, and got no spiritual consolation whatsover, however I am five thousand quid richer as I nicked the lead off the Kirk spire. The lord works in mysterious ways. Do I need to sacrifice a goat or something ? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Five grand sterling?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Two goats and a ram, I should think.
:lol: Wait, Wait, I'm sure you didn't listen long enough to that disembodied voice; I'm sure it said, "Jocky, my lad, I'm blessing you with 5'000 quid so you can send it to that lovely lass across the Atlantic:banana::banana:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
:lol: Now see, Atheist, You were hearing that through a warp in time where somebody, I forgot who, was supposed to gold electroplate their goat and worship it :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
And where prithee am I going to steal them from at this time of night? I can get a couple of hamsters, but the kids will be heartbroken. What ever happened to the good old forgiving God from the mission days? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
[QUOTE=soundofmusic;790004] I'm sure it said, "Jocky, my lad, I'm blessing you with 5'000 quid so you can send it to that lovely lass across the Atlantic:banana::banana:
Soundo I am sure everyone in planet Britain will tell you that Scots and their money are not easily parted. I barely escaped the credit crunch by hiding my gold where no one would ever find it. Unfortunately I hid it so well I cant find it myself. Could anyone lend me a tenner to feed the kids, as the looks they are giving me are piteous to behold. :cold:
[QUOTE=jocky;790311]:lol: Jocky, you sly dog, we all know your wife has bags full of money; Gracious, an important job and the bingo winnings...Did you look under the mattress cover?Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Can you scratch up a couple of chickens instead?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
If not, putting already dead ones in the oven and eating the flesh to the glory of some entity or other might work.
Especially with stuffing.
As usual Atheist I am grateful for your sage advice :) There is however an insurmountable problem, I haven't got a shilling for the meter. Do you think a couple of tins of sardines, on toast, the toaster is still working, would suffice? I know some Deities have problems with pork and poultry but surely a couple of silver fishes, liberally covered in tomato sauce would suffice. This idea of penitence is getting to be a real pain in the but. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I hear the American God accepts Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in lieu of cash; except on Easter and Thanksgiving, which requires the sacrafice of some fowl or cloved foot creature:lol:
have you thought of going into the wildlands of Kelvin Grove and bagging a brace of wild haggis,
I had a feeling you might hit me with that one Mick! The latest historical research by Catherine Brown shows the earliest reference to haggis is to be found in the ENGLISH HUS WIFE published in 1615. This predates Burns' ADDRESS TO A HAGGIS by 171 years. So unless you can come up with evidence to the contrary haggis is officially English and your race is guilty of perpetuating the worst atrocity to be inflicted against humanity. :lol::lol::lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
The complexity and diversity of Gods and their tastes never ceases to amaze me. The one thing they all seem to have in common is their propensity for being greedy S.O.Bs. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
:cold: Help us all, Jocky just brought the angry hands of God on all of us; look to the sky man, I think I see the 2nd coming, and what is at his side...why it's three angry birds:lol::lol::lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Plural, Haggii my friend, Haggii. It is an interesting proposition though, killing a couple of mythological creatures to appease a mythological God. If I ever have to go hunting in the wildlands of Kelvin Grove the bankers will have cause to regret it, or my name is not Jocky. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
The ThreeSparrows problem is solved, Atheist sorted that out big time as I knew he would. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
:banana: So does that mean my birthday party's back on:bday_2: The original crowd have all gone pious on me:bawling:; but, I think I have a line on those two blonde athletes Atheist so admired. Maybe they'll jump out of a cake or smack a few balls around, or whatever hot female athletes do....:ladysman:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Can I come? I've just about recovered from last Christmas, -
http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/celeb020.jpg
and am up for another session.:brow:
Ahh, do they still make MacConnachies Herrings in Tomato Sauce?Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
They were divine, so they'd be good and you don't even need a toaster!
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Jeez, I hope you manage to sleep that off in the next two months.
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
How many times have you been warned to stay away from the Bay Horse in Tunstall ? The last time my son in law went there for a quiet pint he ended up in a boat headed for the Faroe Isles dressed up as an Apache squaw, with arrows in his *** for effect. :)
Sadly not Atheist, you have brought a tear to my eye as I remember those days when me and Denise sipped cheap cider followed by a couple of kippers between divinity lectures. Happy days :)Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
You will love this one Atheist. Three University Professors of the supernatural came in to explain transubstantiation, they were dressed up for the occasion and looking suitably scary. They came mobhanded just in case some dullard might question them. They explained the body and the blood of Christ at the appointed moment of mass. There was a singular silence, which seemed to go on forever, until some idiot, I forget who, told them to get to f**k. They left in a hurry and one of their number was heard to say ' whatever happened to the good Samaritans ' ? :D
:banana::bday_2: Maybe we'll just celebrate until Christmas:santasmil; Sure you're invited .:nod: We're interviewing for entertainment; what do you think would make all the gents and lasses smile? :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
:goof: I just invited prendrelemick to our party; do you think he can borrow your son-in-laws squall outfit; That santa hat was getting alittle seedy and snug:lol: I see you're in fine form tonight; is Neely badly injured? :eek2: By the way, all the girls are insisting you wear your kilt to the party.Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Listen all, Jocky has got to leave for a wee while as matters of great import to national security are calling. In the words of General MacArthur I will return, hopefully. :)
That's a greater disaster than Torrey Canyon!Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
I love transubstantiation. You can taste the wine turning to blood on the way paste.
Either that, or I bit my tongue at the crap they serve in the RCC.
Party till Xmas, I like it!Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
I'll get Parker to lay supplies in at once!
:eek: Jocky, just saw this old post, I never realized you were a hero: thumbs_up; was the man's cooking that bad. :confused: Though, I really don't know what could be that bad; all this talk of herrings in tomato sauce:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
Herrings in tomato sauce isn't just food, it's commestibly orgasmic!Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
Tins of herrings in tomato sauce is what created the entire British Empire.
How to beat up people who live 23 weeks travel away from you?
Take cans of nourishing food so you don't die of beriberi on the way there. Top of the nourishing food chain is H in TS. Vitamins, vegetables, protein, calcium... you could feed an army (or navy) on this stuff. And we did. Why do you think we use English on this forum? Ever see any French food in a can? Let's see you try to make a filet de boeuf en croute sandwich!
:banana: I knew I could count on Atheist the Great, Keeper of Justice and Killer of Birds and other small annoying things.:cool:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
Do you want Brooke Shields at the party also? :bday_2: I don't know, she looks a little too lean; like she's on the exercise bike too long :rolleyes:; She may need you to send out for some fattening American food and good Atheist loving:brow:
:brow: Well, perhaps we should begin to feed it to our men over here who are going impotent at 40:banana: Orgasmic, really, well maybe I can close my eyes, hold my nose and...No, don't think I can do it. :cold: Guess I'll just have to remain celibate and inorgasmic until the next 25 year old, tall, blond haired, blue eyed bloke falls in love with my wallet , :p:lol::ladysman:Quote:
Originally Posted by The Atheist
I think you maybe hanging out with the wrong crowd.Quote:
Originally Posted by soundofmusic
:rolleyes: You know, papayahed, I've been wondering about that after meeting all of these hearty British folk...Anyway, my daughter tells me the men I like are all "women with....":wave:Quote:
Originally Posted by papayahed
Think carefully before you invite Brooke to the party, you don't want Goji berry and Wheatgrass stains on the carpet.
As for entertainment, If Mr Jelly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IK-9...eature=related ) is unavailable, Jocky could do his world famous elephant impression.:eek:
:eek: Mick, you're starting to get scary:cold:; where do you find these things? Well, I was inviting Brooke for Atheist; I gave up all that breast feeding, making your own baby food talk years ago. It was hell:rage: My first husband was talking about cool stuff with the guys and I was being bored to tears with frightening stories of natural birth. :sick::redface::eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick
Fortunately, for the health food crowd and the alcoholics; we have tile is south florida; so no problem with mess:lol: Now tell me more about Jockys elephant impression:banana::banana:
Is this still The Blokes Thread :brow:
http://img40.imageshack.us/img40/150...irl100x100.gif
Ah... Thought so. ;)
This thread used to be so simple and uncomplicated why cant we get back to simple values, fishing, hunting, beer, sandwiches and war? Thank you Mike for reminding us who we are and the video as it has sentimental value, there is nothing to beat a big pair of eyes. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael T
Now guys, here is a tale that will send tingles down your spines. This is a story for men only, the theme being fishing. I was standing in the river Dee on Royal Deeside up to my neck in waders and I got a tug, it had to be at least a fourteen pound salmon. I will repeat for effect a FOURTEEN POUND SALMON. The battle was on and the gloves were off. Promises were made and broken, Gods were invoked and deals with Lucifer were done , Faustus didn't have a look in, there was much sweating and swearing. Day turned to night, thunder, lightening the net was in my hand and, would you believe it , the line broke ? It leapt about six feet in the air and I am sure it winked at me as it made its way back up river. I am at present suing the fishing tackle shop for ruining my life. Match that :)
:redface: :eek: :bday_2: Good, I knew the girls would come to my party to entertain the blokes! She's rather hypnotic...Of course, as a woman we can seldom appreciate the value of a good pair of pecs because we are having a deep discussion of whether they are silicone? Shouldn't she have brought a bikini so she can do the water show?:banana::banana:Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael T
:eek2: I think this thread changed when somebody, not naming any names here, on the blokes thread invited all the guys to my birthday party on the Celibacy thread...Quote:
Originally Posted by jocky
:rolleyes: I don't know though, I think this is a :alien: taking over my really cool friend, jocky, that even has a Scottish brogue when he writes..'
:wave: Hey Mick, the guys need to get back their bloke thread spirit; do you have something to inspire them with?Quote:
Originally Posted by prendrelemick