Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

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07-06-2011, 06:40 AM
MarkBastable

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

You were doing great untill you mentioned the friendly face. We men have a stereotype to live up to you know.

What's its max talk...or tourque.. or how many kilometers to the mile do you get and other manly things?

Well, the family car is my wife's really - it's black and big and apparently German. I've never driven it - just paid for it. My own previous car was written off by a teenager who ran into it in the snow just before Christmas.

"Dad, someone just crashed into the tree outside! Or maybe your car! It made a big noise!"

That one was my midlife crisis car - an Alfa Romeo 166. I'm past that now, but I still like Alfas, all of which have friendly faces - and that's about all I care about in a car.

So I got a Mito. It has a go-faster button - which apparently ups the torque, whatever the hell that is. I'm not very interested in speed, but I do enjoy acceleration. I tend to go 'wheeeeeeeeeee!' like a girlie. The lights on the dashboard are all red and they glow like a goth computer game. The sound system can play music from my phone without it even being plugged into anything. It's a little car, but comfortable even though I'm 6'4.
07-06-2011, 11:32 AM
DocHeart

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

how many kilometers to the mile do you get

:lol:
07-06-2011, 01:25 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

In a way you are fortunate to have a life worth splashing jocky. Ms. Brooks was very disappointed with my intimate text conversations with Mrs P :-

16.30: wots 4 T

16.32: dunno

16.36: ok c u L8r.

Needles to say the Paps have been recalled.

Hmmm! This is a wondrous strange transformation to a prosaic lifestyle. You know very well that if your ram's testicles story ever got leaked into the public domain our beloved Cold Ale Thread would be, to paraphrase JFK ' shredded and scattered to the four winds'.
07-06-2011, 05:39 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

This is not the sort of thing that I usually talk about, but I felt left out of the thread, and I reckon that this is the kind of news that a real man would mention.

It's black and it has a friendly face.

Well, it would be.

Unless you'd bought one of those girly little cars...

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

You were doing great untill you mentioned the friendly face. We men have a stereotype to live up to you know.

What's its max talk...or tourque.. or how many kilometers to the mile do you get and other manly things?

Yeah, that stuff!

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

So I got a Mito. It has a go-faster button - which apparently ....

makes it go faster than buses?

Yeah, one of those "cars".

:D

This is a car:

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...ist/falcon.jpg
(not mine, but identical although my windows are tinted black as well to match the black paint and leather)

Here are the specifications.

This is how quickly it does 0-100 kph:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pujOs8UykAs

6 and a bit seconds.

Not quite as good on the acceleration as a jet aircraft, but it certainly hits you hard in the back under full throttle, which alas, I can't use very often thanks to those killjoy traffic cops.

Top speed of 210 kmh, but I've only had it up to 200 kmh once. NZ roads are only ever straight for about 800m and it doesn't take long to find a corner at that speed!
07-06-2011, 06:15 PM
MarkBastable

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

6 and a bit seconds.!

The Mito gets to 100kph in just over seven seconds, apparently. And it has a top speed of 205kph. Which is quite fast enough for me - or would be, if it were legal in the UK.
07-06-2011, 08:07 PM
Paulclem

Lots of crashes in the Tour today, with one of the top contenders going to hospital. Looked very dazed.

Cavendish is back on form with a first win.

The more I watch the Tour and see how quick they go, the slower I seem to be traipsing about the town.:lol:

Mind you, you seem to have to be a funny shape to be good at cycling. I'm bandy legged already without further disfigurement.
07-06-2011, 09:37 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

The Mito gets to 100kph in just over seven seconds, apparently. And it has a top speed of 205kph. Which is quite fast enough for me - or would be, if it were legal in the UK.

Christ, I imagine it would be a bit floaty at that speed on such a light car.
07-06-2011, 10:00 PM
MarkBastable

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

Christ, I imagine it would be a bit floaty at that speed on such a light car.

I have no idea what that means, but it sounds quite fun.
07-06-2011, 10:24 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

I have no idea what that means, but it sounds quite fun.

I can assure you it isn't!

No matter how good your car is, air is going to get underneath it, and the faster you go, the more air you get doing it. Eventually, that air lifts the car and you reach a point where the front wheels lose contact and you lose steering.

Since this only happens at quite high speeds, it tends to more terrifying than exciting, although you can soon fix it by touching the brakes. When it's windy as well, you can get shifted quite a distance before you get to the brake pedal.

Light cars tend to do that more easily than heavy ones, for obvious reasons!
07-06-2011, 11:47 PM
MystyrMystyry

I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.

Here's a photo of the MystyryMobile

http://i1134.photobucket.com/albums/...tyryMobile.jpg

Top speed: Very Fast Indeed
07-07-2011, 12:55 AM
prendrelemick

Great cars chaps.

I'm going to let the CAC down now, I drive one of these.

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...0-hard-top.jpg

I don't think aerodynamics are a factor here, It will never get floaty, I doubt it will ever get to 100kph.
07-07-2011, 01:13 AM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

Lots of crashes in the Tour today, with one of the top contenders going to hospital. Looked very dazed.

Cavendish is back on form with a first win.

The more I watch the Tour and see how quick they go, the slower I seem to be traipsing about the town.:lol:

Mind you, you seem to have to be a funny shape to be good at cycling. I'm bandy legged already without further disfigurement.

As well as being physically odd, I reckon you need to be a headcase as well.
When the tour of Britain passed through here the police moterbike riders who were supposed to be infront could not go fast enough on one notorious twisty downhill stretch and were overtaken by the cyclists.
07-07-2011, 02:07 AM
soundofmusic

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I have to confess to showing off down at the allotment by carrying two bags of compost on my shoulder up to my plot. The guys were joshing me and said I bet you can't run. I said I can and jogged up to my plot with them. The upshot was that I strained the ligament on the outside of my ankle. It wasn't too bad though, but worsened after I had to go chasing after the dog - who was running after a van up onto a busy road. I did curse. Mrs Paulclem is eagerly awaiting our next visit in order to relate my misfortune to the guys at the Allotment shop. Joshings are coming. :lol:

By the way - the Potcheen, (Mick put me right there), is a potato based spirit brewed by the Irish. I've tasted some from a former landlord. Suffice to say, you don't get to drink it; you just absorb it through your mouth.

:nopity: Well, at least you got your licks in a manly way, how is the ankle now. I just took a terrible tumble yesterday. My little 73 year old neighbor asks me for some help every day, yesterday I was rushed and trying to get away, talking to him in one direction and walking in another, hit something on the cement sidewalk, couldn't break my fall and belly flopped hitting my forehead and tearing all the skin off my nose. I felt a bit dizzy and today my eyes look a bit closer together. Everyone is looking at me as if I'm an abused woman or an alcoholic.:(

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

My bedside manner would have ruined it.

:smilielol5:

The karma of hubris.

Really, I spoke with Mrs Atheist, she said you have a wonderful bedside manner which even improves once you're in bed.
:thumbsup:

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

In for breakfast this morning, and found Mrs P grinning mischievously waving aloft a 2 ft long tape. "Look" she said, "you've been sent a testicle tape." She began to read the instructions, "Measure widest circumference of testicles-" The tape was colour coded, red amber and green, to get in the green zone one would've required testicles 34 to 50 cm in circumference. I began to feel inadequate. She read on "- feel to check tone,-" No problem there, I am a bloke after all and do so several times a day, "- ensure there are no lumps.-" I was about to check again when she read the last part. "- Consult vet for thorough check."

"Ha ha very funny" I replied as she removed her thumb from the "Mature Ram testicle tape" label.

:thumbsup::lol: Your lady is brillant! I have always wondered why people value testicles so, I think they just get in the way and drag down the treasure chest...I've rather noticed, in my hospital adventures, that the testicles elongate as the other genitalia shrinks...

Quote:

Originally Posted by DocHeart

Sorry -- have I just been told off for being politically incorrect in the Bloke's Thread? I do apologize. I have total respect for women and their personalities and all that jazz. Parker, another of what the lady is having, if you please.

DH

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot, here's a list of malicious nouns, adjectives and transcendental modifiers (?) that men often maliciously use to refer to women:

chick
broad
tomato
Her indoors
my old woman
the wee wifie
She Who Shall Never Parallel-park

P.P.S. You know I love you, right? ;)

Actually I just re-read the whole thing and it doesn't look like I was told off, after all. I just misunderstood the first time and rushed to answer. Damn. And it was the funniest thing I've written in weeks.

Good health to all. :)

Oh, my, no. I'm afraid I would never even notice if you were politically incorrect, just think of me as a bloke with breasts...ummm...:lol:
I don't know...how do you suggest doc heart regard me fellows :lol:

I can sort of parallel park; but I've never quite got the 3 point turn....

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

You are a dark one, you never once mentioned you had relocated to Scotland. :)

:lol::lol:

What would we do without our wives ?

Really, I've got to come visit you and Mrs J then.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Everyone around here (Texas) is running a 100F + fever, due to the fact that it is 100+ outside! As the saying goes; "It's hotter than hell's half acre"
Hope the kids get well soon.

Oh, by the way Jocky, I believe I saw Turncoat and Bartok heading west to Roswell. I figur they plan to take part in the upcoming July 8th celebrations.

.

I've been glued to the tube down here, all the rage on Casey Anthony down here. Is anyone talking about it in Texas?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

Well, the family car is my wife's really - it's black and big and apparently German. I've never driven it - just paid for it. My own previous car was written off by a teenager who ran into it in the snow just before Christmas.

"Dad, someone just crashed into the tree outside! Or maybe your car! It made a big noise!"

That one was my midlife crisis car - an Alfa Romeo 166. I'm past that now, but I still like Alfas, all of which have friendly faces - and that's about all I care about in a car.

So I got a Mito. It has a go-faster button - which apparently ups the torque, whatever the hell that is. I'm not very interested in speed, but I do enjoy acceleration. I tend to go 'wheeeeeeeeeee!' like a girlie. The lights on the dashboard are all red and they glow like a goth computer game. The sound system can play music from my phone without it even being plugged into anything. It's a little car, but comfortable even though I'm 6'4.

Mark, good to see you and congrats. I saw some fellow in a neat black car last week testing his torque in the midst of traffic...it was beautiful, the car turned almost 360 degrees without sliding....:auto:

Quote:

Originally Posted by MystyrMystyry

I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.

Here's a photo of the MystyryMobile

http://i1134.photobucket.com/albums/...tyryMobile.jpg

Top speed: Very Fast Indeed

I want it....:drool5:
07-07-2011, 03:11 AM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

:nopity:

I don't know...how do you suggest doc heart regard me fellows :lol:

5:

In the highest regards of course.
07-07-2011, 06:06 AM
MarkBastable

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

I can assure you it isn't!

No matter how good your car is, air is going to get underneath it, and the faster you go, the more air you get doing it. Eventually, that air lifts the car and you reach a point where the front wheels lose contact and you lose steering.

Since this only happens at quite high speeds, it tends to more terrifying than exciting, although you can soon fix it by touching the brakes. When it's windy as well, you can get shifted quite a distance before you get to the brake pedal.

Light cars tend to do that more easily than heavy ones, for obvious reasons!

It's an Alfa, which means, as I understand it, that the conventional rules of physics don't apply.
07-07-2011, 04:51 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by MystyrMystyry

I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.

Top speed: Very Fast Indeed

That's so obvious I'm amazed nobody had ever thought about it. It would obviously make it stick like **** to a blanket.

I could get used to the front for the speed and handling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Great cars chaps.

I'm going to let the CAC down now, I drive one of these.

I don't think aerodynamics are a factor here, It will never get floaty, I doubt it will ever get to 100kph.

No mate, that's a Real Bloke's car!

Those horror 4WD things that housewives drop their kids off to school from don't count, but a Landrover with mud underneath definitely qualifies.

Speed isn't everything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

It's an Alfa, which means, as I understand it, that the conventional rules of physics don't apply.

:lol:
07-07-2011, 05:24 PM
jocky

I have got a Vespa 50 cc if anyone is interested.
07-07-2011, 10:54 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

...I've been glued to the tube down here, all the rage on Casey Anthony down here. Is anyone talking about it in Texas?

It was getting quite a bit of play here as well. The missus was paying much more attention to the trial than I was. Not sure where you stand on the case, but my wife was very frustrated with the outcome.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jocky

I have got a Vespa 50 cc if anyone is interested.

Still riding the Vespa with the Hoover strapped to the bars.
That brings a tear of joy to my eye.

Here's a pic of my Ford Ranger, the smaller gray truck, in front of the El Comedor restaurant in Moriarty New Mexico along old Route 66; the greatest Huevos Rancheros west of the Pecos!

http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/a...o/IMG_1431.jpg

.
07-07-2011, 10:55 PM
Vonny

Jocky, I know you told me to stay away from this thread :lol: but I just noticed that you've made 666 posts! You had better hurry and post again!

Actually, what I really want to say is you gave me some really good advice a while back. Thanks, it's helped me a lot.

Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!
07-07-2011, 11:18 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vonny

...I just noticed that you've made 666 posts! You had better hurry and post again!

...Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!

Good catch on that 666, but why stay away?...come to think of it, your probably better off steering clear of this lot.

.
07-08-2011, 01:50 AM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundofmusic

:nopity: Well, at least you got your licks in a manly way, how is the ankle now. I just took a terrible tumble yesterday. My little 73 year old neighbor asks me for some help every day, yesterday I was rushed and trying to get away, talking to him in one direction and walking in another, hit something on the cement sidewalk, couldn't break my fall and belly flopped hitting my forehead and tearing all the skin off my nose. I felt a bit dizzy and today my eyes look a bit closer together. Everyone is looking at me as if I'm an abused woman or an alcoholic.:(

:thumbsup::lol: Your lady is brillant! I have always wondered why people value testicles so, I think they just get in the way and drag down the treasure chest...I've rather noticed, in my hospital adventures, that the testicles elongate as the other genitalia shrinks...

It's ok but it seems to have left me with a stretchy tendon. It seems to get caught on something, if I move in a particular way, and then snaps back into place. An odd sensation.

Elongated testicles? I wonder if it will affect the cycling in time...

And, as Mick has said already, you should be regarded highly for putting up with us chaps.

By the way I ride.. sorry drive, a sleek black number...

http://www.online-literature.com/for...pictureid=7249
07-08-2011, 02:03 AM
prendrelemick

Liking the flag Paul.

I have a mental image of a Scotsman on a scooter at vespers

If you do pop in from time to time Vonny, make sure you check the doc's qualifications before he shows you his bedside manner.

Looks like your 1000th is about to come up as well Gilliatt.
How about a free bar to celebrate - Parker?..Parker.....PARKER. Where's he gone?
07-08-2011, 07:24 AM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Liking the flag Paul.

I have a mental image of a Scotsman on a scooter at vespers

If you do pop in from time to time Vonny, make sure you check the doc's qualifications before he shows you his bedside manner.

Looks like your 1000th is about to come up as well Gilliatt.
How about a free bar to celebrate - Parker?..Parker.....PARKER. Where's he gone?

I had it on the back of the bike for the last world cup.

6 - now 5 to 3000. I have no friends...:lol:
07-08-2011, 10:58 AM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vonny

Jocky, I know you told me to stay away from this thread :lol: but I just noticed that you've made 666 posts! You had better hurry and post again!

Actually, what I really want to say is you gave me some really good advice a while back. Thanks, it's helped me a lot.

Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!

Glad to be of assistance Vonny. Pop in and see us regularly we are not a bad bunch and every now and again someone says something sensible, not me I might add. :)
07-08-2011, 04:04 PM
Paulclem

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilliatt Gurgle

Here's a pic of my Ford Ranger, the smaller gray truck, in front of the El Comedor restaurant in Moriarty New Mexico along old Route 66; the greatest Huevos Rancheros west of the Pecos!

http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/a...o/IMG_1431.jpg

.

Your picture reminded me of No Country for Old Men. We know the US countryside quite qwell through the images we have from films and stuff.
07-08-2011, 04:50 PM
Paulclem

I've discovered a text to speech animation tool on Youtube, so I though I'd make a video about our thread.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3xBB513Bg

It's pretty easy to use.
07-08-2011, 05:02 PM
jocky

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I've discovered a text to speech animation tool on Youtube, so I though I'd make a video about our thread.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3xBB513Bg

It's pretty easy to use.

:lol::lol::lol:
I was just about to post a video but it pales into insignificance compared with that. I will see you down at the Curmudgeons later on.
07-08-2011, 05:04 PM
prendrelemick

:smilielol5::smilielol5:That is brilliant Paul. But technology will never replace Gilliat.
07-08-2011, 05:44 PM
Paulclem

Thanks chaps. I'll be in curmudgens. You're right - Gilliatt is irreplaceable.
07-08-2011, 10:37 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulclem

I've discovered a text to speech animation tool on Youtube, so I though I'd make a video about our thread.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3xBB513Bg

It's pretty easy to use.

My 1000 post, and I couldn't imagine a better place to spend it.

Paul, that is priceless !!
“…after all, at their age they’re not getting too much else”
We must have that displayed prominently on the bar wall of shame!

Well chaps, it is July 8th…

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...ly8%2C1947.jpg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQlpACCcq4Y

I spent the night on the roof searching the heavens for the annual return and all I got were mosquito bites and a couple of chemtrails.
Maybe next year.

In honor of Paul’s creativity, my 1000th post and extra-terrestrials, all drinks are on me for the duration of the weekend.

.
07-09-2011, 04:59 AM
MarkBastable

Alright - enough petrolheadedness. That's probably the longest conversation about cars I've ever had.

Last Monday, the Yank and I went to the Preview Evening of the Hampton Court Flower Show. Say what you like about the monarchy - and I'm very ambivalent myself - but if it weren't for the avaricious unreasonableness of Henry VIII, we wouldn't have this to play with today.

The Preview Evening - in fact the whole week-long event - is an incredibly civilised and polite occasion, attendance at which undermines any subsequent claims one might make to still being working-class at heart. The Yank and I found a spot for our picnic blanket, dumped our wine and stuff on it in full view of the passing throng, and wandered off, confident that the bourgeois honesty rife at the show would ensure that it'd all still be there when we got back two hours later. Which it was.

The weather was putting on one of those balmy, golden evenings that contrives to make you feel that everything's really jolly pleasant in a way that only the English can manage, and that, gosh, isn't the BBC a good idea, and strawberries too, and also Pimm's and big fat sausages. This is a feeling that can carry you right through to the ill-organised and bad-tempered Destruction Derby which results from trying to get eight thousand cars out of a nine foot gate onto a main road, which, frankly, is a typical British screw-up, just like the smug bloody BBC, tasteless supermarket strawberries, poncey bloody Pimm's and God knows what goes into sausages, but whatever it is, it'll take you down before you hit fifty-five.

We bought a lot of dahlias. Buying dahlias is pretty much tantamount to wearing a t-shirt that reads, "At my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. And I'm not getting my leg over that often either." It's like designing your own wreath.

So, blokes - we've done pictures of our cars. Now let's do pictures of our flowers.

This week round at Bastable Towers, we're keen on this one...

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3097/...2cb25f87b8.jpg
07-09-2011, 05:04 AM
The Atheist

Just when you think this is the best thread the entire internet has ever seen, it gets better!

More win than Manchester United.
07-09-2011, 05:57 AM
prendrelemick

Gilliat I'm sure those aliens meant to put in an appearence, but got held up in a cosmological version of mark's 8000 cars through a 9 ft gate.

Talking of gardens, I have discovered a great new wheeze this year re mowing the lawn. In the past I,ve "accidently" let in a few sheep, but Mrs P will no longer put up with that as they rampage over her soft friuts as well.

So this year somewhere around the beginning of june, as I approached the foot high grass with a coughing lawnmower I had a brainwave, I just cut a few paths through this jungle, and created a maze for the Grandchildren ! I was done in minutes, and they love it. All I have to do is shove the mower round the paths once a week and job done. Proving that necessity isn't the mother of invention, indolence is.
07-09-2011, 02:22 PM
The Atheist

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Gilliat I'm sure those aliens meant to put in an appearence, but got held up in a cosmological version of mark's 8000 cars through a 9 ft gate.

Here's one that amazed the hell out of me the other day; I was playing around at Paddy Power, Bookmakers, looking for odds on US Republican nominee for 2012 when I saw odds for "Aliens"! I had to look.

This comes up:

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...ist/aliens.jpg

These are lifetime bets that die with you, but if you take a bet at age 18 and collect at age 90, the bet will stand if that's the day it is confirmed that alien life has made contact/been contacted.

To me, simple use of maths and physics dictates that the odds are short by a factor of millions. Not to mention, even interest at a lousy 6 or 7 % will compound to double your money in 7 years, so after the ~10 years of holding the bet, all US bets have already been paid for, and even the longer shots like Wales have been paid off by the time the bet ~25 years old.

The maths on this one tells me that a lot of people are taking it. And a big lot at that, especially given the compound interest angle.

Fascinating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

Talking of gardens, I have discovered a great new wheeze this year re mowing the lawn. In the past I,ve "accidently" let in a few sheep, but Mrs P will no longer put up with that as they rampage over her soft friuts as well.

So this year somewhere around the beginning of june, as I approached the foot high grass with a coughing lawnmower I had a brainwave, I just cut a few paths through this jungle, and created a maze for the Grandchildren ! I was done in minutes, and they love it. All I have to do is shove the mower round the paths once a week and job done. Proving that necessity isn't the mother of invention, indolence is.

That is true genius, mate.

Parker! Bring Mick the "A" drinks list, please. (Mick, do NOT let jocky* see the list!)

*or Sounds, for that matter - I've just seen some of the cocktails.

:biggrinjester:
07-09-2011, 05:53 PM
prendrelemick

I'll have a" Little Green Man over Scotland" 25 parts Drambuie to one Creme de menthe.
07-09-2011, 07:22 PM
MarkBastable

This flower thing ain't catching on, is it?

See, I knew I wasn't a real bloke.
07-09-2011, 08:32 PM
jocky

The strangest thing happened tonight. I chanced to look out the kitchen window, just to see how my pansies were coming along, and lo and behold sillouheted on my shed roof by the huge yellow moon was none other than Turncoat and Bartok, staring intently at the stars. I rushed out with a big bone grasped in my hand and shaking my maize can only to be greeted with what I can only describe as a silent indifference. I returned to the house in a state of utter bewilderment and explained my experience to Mrs Jocky and was totally ignored in the same manner. The eighth of July may be more significant than some cynics might appreciate. Where is that bloody Parker with the " B " drinks list when you need him ?
07-09-2011, 11:01 PM
Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

...We bought a lot of dahlias. Buying dahlias is pretty much tantamount to wearing a t-shirt that reads, "At my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. And I'm not getting my leg over that often either." It's like designing your own wreath.

So, blokes - we've done pictures of our cars. Now let's do pictures of our flowers.

This week round at Bastable Towers, we're keen on this one...

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3097/...2cb25f87b8.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

This flower thing ain't catching on, is it?

See, I knew I wasn't a real bloke.

That is an amazing flower! It looks quite large.
Unfortunately I don't have much of a green thumb and besides, it would be nearly impossible to keep something that fragile alive in our scorching heat, so I must rely on hardy types such as cacti.
Here's a re posting of one of my cactus blooms:

http://i963.photobucket.com/albums/a...m/IMGP1670.jpg

Quote:

Originally Posted by prendrelemick

,,,So this year somewhere around the beginning of june, as I approached the foot high grass with a coughing lawnmower I had a brainwave, I just cut a few paths through this jungle, and created a maze for the Grandchildren ! I was done in minutes, and they love it. All I have to do is shove the mower round the paths once a week and job done. Proving that necessity isn't the mother of invention, indolence is.

Brilliant idea. You could alter the pattern periodically so that any given part of the lawn never exceeds a foot and yet you never have to mow the entire lawn at one time!

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Atheist

http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s...ist/aliens.jpg

Ok, so much for July 1947. If that wasn't first contact, then I lay my bets on December 21st, 2012.

Edit Oh...and that would be Scotland.
.
07-10-2011, 01:00 PM
prendrelemick

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkBastable

We bought a lot of dahlias. Buying dahlias is pretty much tantamount to wearing a t-shirt that reads, "At my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. And I'm not getting my leg over that often either." It's like designing your own wreath.

]

:smilielol5: Thats funny 'cos its true. It's the same as looking in the Damart catalogue and thinking "Mmm nice Cardigan."

Meanwhile our Garden is lacking flowers at this time of year, but this feverfew has poked its head above the confusion.

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/DSC04280.jpg
07-11-2011, 04:51 PM
Emil Miller

Someone has opened the Tell Me a Joke thread and as this is the only place where best ones can be safely told, I thought I would post this which I found rather amusing.

A man walks into a bar and orders a double whisky, the barman serves him and he drinks it and imediately and asks for another. The bar tender asks :

Are you alright sir ? You look upset.

No I’m not alright and I am upset.

What’s wrong then.

I met this bird on the train today and we went back to hers for some fun, we were just about to get to it when her husband got home so I jumped out of the window and held onto the ledge

That would ruin my day.

Thats not the worst of it, her husband saw she was naked took a piss out the of window on me and I hung there for three hours listening to them having sex.

That’s rough indeed.

That’s not the worst thing though, when he was done he threw the condom out of the window and it landed on my forehead, and as I looked down to get it off I realised I was only 6 inches off the ground.

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