Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[prendrelemick]

Great cars chaps.

I'm going to let the CAC down now, I drive one of these.




I don't think aerodynamics are a factor here, It will never get floaty, I doubt it will ever get to 100kph.

[prendrelemick]

Lots of crashes in the Tour today, with one of the top contenders going to hospital. Looked very dazed.

Cavendish is back on form with a first win.

The more I watch the Tour and see how quick they go, the slower I seem to be traipsing about the town.

Mind you, you seem to have to be a funny shape to be good at cycling. I'm bandy legged already without further disfigurement.

As well as being physically odd, I reckon you need to be a headcase as well.
When the tour of Britain passed through here the police moterbike riders who were supposed to be infront could not go fast enough on one notorious twisty downhill stretch and were overtaken by the cyclists.

[soundofmusic]

I have to confess to showing off down at the allotment by carrying two bags of compost on my shoulder up to my plot. The guys were joshing me and said I bet you can't run. I said I can and jogged up to my plot with them. The upshot was that I strained the ligament on the outside of my ankle. It wasn't too bad though, but worsened after I had to go chasing after the dog - who was running after a van up onto a busy road. I did curse. Mrs Paulclem is eagerly awaiting our next visit in order to relate my misfortune to the guys at the Allotment shop. Joshings are coming.

By the way - the Potcheen, (Mick put me right there), is a potato based spirit brewed by the Irish. I've tasted some from a former landlord. Suffice to say, you don't get to drink it; you just absorb it through your mouth.

Well, at least you got your licks in a manly way, how is the ankle now. I just took a terrible tumble yesterday. My little 73 year old neighbor asks me for some help every day, yesterday I was rushed and trying to get away, talking to him in one direction and walking in another, hit something on the cement sidewalk, couldn't break my fall and belly flopped hitting my forehead and tearing all the skin off my nose. I felt a bit dizzy and today my eyes look a bit closer together. Everyone is looking at me as if I'm an abused woman or an alcoholic.

My bedside manner would have ruined it.





The karma of hubris.

Really, I spoke with Mrs Atheist, she said you have a wonderful bedside manner which even improves once you're in bed.

In for breakfast this morning, and found Mrs P grinning mischievously waving aloft a 2 ft long tape. "Look" she said, "you've been sent a testicle tape." She began to read the instructions, "Measure widest circumference of testicles-" The tape was colour coded, red amber and green, to get in the green zone one would've required testicles 34 to 50 cm in circumference. I began to feel inadequate. She read on "- feel to check tone,-" No problem there, I am a bloke after all and do so several times a day, "- ensure there are no lumps.-" I was about to check again when she read the last part. "- Consult vet for thorough check."

"Ha ha very funny" I replied as she removed her thumb from the "Mature Ram testicle tape" label.

Your lady is brillant! I have always wondered why people value testicles so, I think they just get in the way and drag down the treasure chest...I've rather noticed, in my hospital adventures, that the testicles elongate as the other genitalia shrinks...

Sorry -- have I just been told off for being politically incorrect in the Bloke's Thread? I do apologize. I have total respect for women and their personalities and all that jazz. Parker, another of what the lady is having, if you please.

DH

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot, here's a list of malicious nouns, adjectives and transcendental modifiers (?) that men often maliciously use to refer to women:

chick
broad
tomato
Her indoors
my old woman
the wee wifie
She Who Shall Never Parallel-park


P.P.S. You know I love you, right?




Actually I just re-read the whole thing and it doesn't look like I was told off, after all. I just misunderstood the first time and rushed to answer. Damn. And it was the funniest thing I've written in weeks.

Good health to all.

Oh, my, no. I'm afraid I would never even notice if you were politically incorrect, just think of me as a bloke with breasts...ummm...
I don't know...how do you suggest doc heart regard me fellows

I can sort of parallel park; but I've never quite got the 3 point turn....

You are a dark one, you never once mentioned you had relocated to Scotland.





What would we do without our wives ?

Really, I've got to come visit you and Mrs J then.

Everyone around here (Texas) is running a 100F + fever, due to the fact that it is 100+ outside! As the saying goes; "It's hotter than hell's half acre"
Hope the kids get well soon.


Oh, by the way Jocky, I believe I saw Turncoat and Bartok heading west to Roswell. I figur they plan to take part in the upcoming July 8th celebrations.

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I've been glued to the tube down here, all the rage on Casey Anthony down here. Is anyone talking about it in Texas?

Well, the family car is my wife's really - it's black and big and apparently German. I've never driven it - just paid for it. My own previous car was written off by a teenager who ran into it in the snow just before Christmas.

"Dad, someone just crashed into the tree outside! Or maybe your car! It made a big noise!"

That one was my midlife crisis car - an Alfa Romeo 166. I'm past that now, but I still like Alfas, all of which have friendly faces - and that's about all I care about in a car.

So I got a Mito. It has a go-faster button - which apparently ups the torque, whatever the hell that is. I'm not very interested in speed, but I do enjoy acceleration. I tend to go 'wheeeeeeeeeee!' like a girlie. The lights on the dashboard are all red and they glow like a goth computer game. The sound system can play music from my phone without it even being plugged into anything. It's a little car, but comfortable even though I'm 6'4.

Mark, good to see you and congrats. I saw some fellow in a neat black car last week testing his torque in the midst of traffic...it was beautiful, the car turned almost 360 degrees without sliding....

I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.

Here's a photo of the MystyryMobile



Top speed: Very Fast Indeed

I want it....

[prendrelemick]

I don't know...how do you suggest doc heart regard me fellows




5:

In the highest regards of course.

[MarkBastable]

I can assure you it isn't!

No matter how good your car is, air is going to get underneath it, and the faster you go, the more air you get doing it. Eventually, that air lifts the car and you reach a point where the front wheels lose contact and you lose steering.

Since this only happens at quite high speeds, it tends to more terrifying than exciting, although you can soon fix it by touching the brakes. When it's windy as well, you can get shifted quite a distance before you get to the brake pedal.

Light cars tend to do that more easily than heavy ones, for obvious reasons!

It's an Alfa, which means, as I understand it, that the conventional rules of physics don't apply.

[The Atheist]

I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.

Top speed: Very Fast Indeed

That's so obvious I'm amazed nobody had ever thought about it. It would obviously make it stick like **** to a blanket.

I could get used to the front for the speed and handling.

Great cars chaps.

I'm going to let the CAC down now, I drive one of these.

I don't think aerodynamics are a factor here, It will never get floaty, I doubt it will ever get to 100kph.

No mate, that's a Real Bloke's car!

Those horror 4WD things that housewives drop their kids off to school from don't count, but a Landrover with mud underneath definitely qualifies.

Speed isn't everything.

It's an Alfa, which means, as I understand it, that the conventional rules of physics don't apply.

[jocky]

I have got a Vespa 50 cc if anyone is interested.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...I've been glued to the tube down here, all the rage on Casey Anthony down here. Is anyone talking about it in Texas?

It was getting quite a bit of play here as well. The missus was paying much more attention to the trial than I was. Not sure where you stand on the case, but my wife was very frustrated with the outcome.

I have got a Vespa 50 cc if anyone is interested.

Still riding the Vespa with the Hoover strapped to the bars.
That brings a tear of joy to my eye.

Here's a pic of my Ford Ranger, the smaller gray truck, in front of the El Comedor restaurant in Moriarty New Mexico along old Route 66; the greatest Huevos Rancheros west of the Pecos!



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[Vonny]

Jocky, I know you told me to stay away from this thread but I just noticed that you've made 666 posts! You had better hurry and post again!

Actually, what I really want to say is you gave me some really good advice a while back. Thanks, it's helped me a lot.

Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...I just noticed that you've made 666 posts! You had better hurry and post again!

...Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!

Good catch on that 666, but why stay away?...come to think of it, your probably better off steering clear of this lot.

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[Paulclem]

Well, at least you got your licks in a manly way, how is the ankle now. I just took a terrible tumble yesterday. My little 73 year old neighbor asks me for some help every day, yesterday I was rushed and trying to get away, talking to him in one direction and walking in another, hit something on the cement sidewalk, couldn't break my fall and belly flopped hitting my forehead and tearing all the skin off my nose. I felt a bit dizzy and today my eyes look a bit closer together. Everyone is looking at me as if I'm an abused woman or an alcoholic.

Your lady is brillant! I have always wondered why people value testicles so, I think they just get in the way and drag down the treasure chest...I've rather noticed, in my hospital adventures, that the testicles elongate as the other genitalia shrinks...

It's ok but it seems to have left me with a stretchy tendon. It seems to get caught on something, if I move in a particular way, and then snaps back into place. An odd sensation.

Elongated testicles? I wonder if it will affect the cycling in time...

And, as Mick has said already, you should be regarded highly for putting up with us chaps.

By the way I ride.. sorry drive, a sleek black number...

[prendrelemick]

Liking the flag Paul.

I have a mental image of a Scotsman on a scooter at vespers

If you do pop in from time to time Vonny, make sure you check the doc's qualifications before he shows you his bedside manner.

Looks like your 1000th is about to come up as well Gilliatt.
How about a free bar to celebrate - Parker?..Parker.....PARKER. Where's he gone?

[Paulclem]

Liking the flag Paul.

I have a mental image of a Scotsman on a scooter at vespers

If you do pop in from time to time Vonny, make sure you check the doc's qualifications before he shows you his bedside manner.

Looks like your 1000th is about to come up as well Gilliatt.
How about a free bar to celebrate - Parker?..Parker.....PARKER. Where's he gone?

I had it on the back of the bike for the last world cup.

6 - now 5 to 3000. I have no friends...

[jocky]

Jocky, I know you told me to stay away from this thread but I just noticed that you've made 666 posts! You had better hurry and post again!

Actually, what I really want to say is you gave me some really good advice a while back. Thanks, it's helped me a lot.

Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!

Glad to be of assistance Vonny. Pop in and see us regularly we are not a bad bunch and every now and again someone says something sensible, not me I might add.

[Paulclem]

Here's a pic of my Ford Ranger, the smaller gray truck, in front of the El Comedor restaurant in Moriarty New Mexico along old Route 66; the greatest Huevos Rancheros west of the Pecos!



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Your picture reminded me of No Country for Old Men. We know the US countryside quite qwell through the images we have from films and stuff.