Ch. 4 - Madeline of the Movies

A Photoplay done back into Words

EXPLANATORY NOTE.

In writing this I ought to explain that I am a tottering
old man of forty-six. I was born too soon to understand
moving pictures. They go too fast. I can't keep up. In
my young days we used a magic lantern. It showed Robinson
Crusoe in six scenes. It took all evening to show them.
When it was done the hall was filled full with black
smoke and the audience quite unstrung with excitement.
What I set down here represents my thoughts as I sit in
front of a moving picture photoplay and interpret it as
best I can.

Flick, flick, flick! I guess it must be going to begin
now, but it's queer the people don't stop talking: how
can they expect to hear the pictures if they go on talking?
Now it's off. PASSED BY THE BOARD OF--. Ah, this looks
interesting--passed by the board of--wait till I adjust
my spectacles and read what it--

It's gone. Never mind, here's something else, let me
see--CAST OF CHARACTERS--Oh, yes--let's see who they
are--MADELINE MEADOWLARK, a young something--EDWARD
DANGERFIELD, a--a what? Ah, yes, a roo--at least, it's
spelt r-o-u-e, that must be roo all right--but wait till
I see what that is that's written across the top--MADELINE
MEADOWLARK; OR, ALONE IN A GREAT CITY. I see, that's the
title of it. I wonder which of the characters is alone.
I guess not Madeline: she'd hardly be alone in a place
like that. I imagine it's more likely Edward Dangerous
the Roo. A roo would probably be alone a great deal, I
should think. Let's see what the other characters are--JOHN
HOLDFAST, a something. FARMER MEADOWLARK, MRS. MEADOWLARK,
his Something--

Pshaw, I missed the others, but never mind; flick, flick,
it's beginning--What's this? A bedroom, eh? Looks like
a girl's bedroom--pretty poor sort of place. I wish the
picture would keep still a minute--in Robinson Crusoe it
all stayed still and one could sit and look at it, the
blue sea and the green palm trees and the black footprints
in the yellow sand--but this blamed thing keeps rippling
and flickering all the time--Ha! there's the girl
herself--come into her bedroom. My! I hope she doesn't
start to undress in it--that would be fearfully
uncomfortable with all these people here. No, she's not
undressing--she's gone and opened the cupboard. What's
that she's doing--taking out a milk jug and a glass--empty,
eh? I guess it must be, because she seemed to hold it
upside down. Now she's picked up a sugar bowl--empty,
too, eh?--and a cake tin, and that's empty--What on
earth does she take them all out for if they're empty?
Why can't she speak? I think--hullo--who's this coming
in? Pretty hard-looking sort of woman--what's she got in
her hand?--some sort of paper, I guess--she looks like
a landlady, I shouldn't wonder if--

Flick, flick! Say! Look there on the screen:

   "YOU OWE ME
    THREE WEEKS' RENT."
Oh, I catch on! that's what the landlady says, eh? Say!
That's a mighty smart way to indicate it isn't it? I was
on to that in a minute--flick, flick--hullo, the landlady's
vanished--what's the girl doing now--say, she's praying!
Look at her face! Doesn't she look religious, eh?
Flick, flick!

Oh, look, they've put her face, all by itself, on the
screen. My! what a big face she's got when you see it
like that.
She's in her room again--she's taking off her jacket--by
Gee! She _is_ going to bed! Here, stop the machine; it
doesn't seem--Flick, flick!
Well, look at that! She's in bed, all in one flick, and
fast asleep! Something must have broken in the machine
and missed out a chunk. There! she's asleep all right--looks
as if she was dreaming. Now it's sort of fading. I wonder
how they make it do that? I guess they turn the wick of
the lamp down low: that was the way in Robinson
Crusoe--Flick, flick!
Hullo! where on earth is this--farmhouse, I guess--must
be away upstate somewhere--who on earth are these people?
Old man--white whiskers--old lady at a spinning-wheel--see
it go, eh? Just like real! And a young man--that must be
John Holdfast--and a girl with her hand in his. Why!
Say! it's the girl, the same girl, Madeline--only what's
she doing away off here at this farm--how did she get
clean back from the bedroom to this farm? Flick, flick!
what's this?
  "NO, JOHN, I CANNOT MARRY YOU.
   I MUST DEVOTE MY LIFE
   TO MY MUSIC."
Who says that? What music? Here, stop--
It's all gone. What's this new place? Flick, flick, looks
like a street. Say! see the street car coming along--well!
say! isn't that great? A street car! And here's Madeline!
How on earth did she get back from the old farm all in
a second? Got her street things on--that must be music
under her arm--I wonder where--hullo--who's this man in
a silk hat and swell coat? Gee! he's well dressed. See
him roll his eyes at Madeline! He's lifting his hat--I
guess he must be Edward Something, the Roo--only a roo
would dress as well as he does--he's going to speak to
her--
   "SIR, I DO NOT KNOW YOU.
    LET ME PASS."
Oh, I see! The Roo mistook her; he thought she was somebody
that he knew! And she wasn't! I catch on! It gets easy
to understand these pictures once you're on.
Flick, flick--Oh, say, stop! I missed a piece--where is
she? Outside a street door--she's pausing a moment
outside--that was lucky her pausing like that--it just
gave me time to read EMPLOYMENT BUREAU on the door. Gee!
I read it quick.
Flick, flick! Where is it now?--oh, I see, she's gone
in--she's in there--this must be the Bureau, eh? There's
Madeline going up to the desk.
  "NO, WE HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE,
   WE HAVE NOTHING ..."
Pshaw! I read too slow--she's on the street again. Flick,
flick!
No, she isn't--she's back in her room--cupboard still
empty--no milk--no sugar--Flick, flick!
Kneeling down to pray--my! but she's religious--flick,
flick--now she's on the street--got a letter in her
hand--what's the address--Flick, flick!
   Mr. Meadowlark
   Meadow Farm
   Meadow County
   New York
Gee! They've put it right on the screen! The whole letter!
Flick, flick--here's Madeline again on the street with
the letter still in her hand--she's gone to a letter-box
with it--why doesn't she post it? What's stopping her?
  "I CANNOT TELL THEM
   OF MY FAILURE.
   IT WOULD BREAK THEIR ..."
Break their what? They slide these things along altogether
too quick--anyway, she won't post it--I see--she's torn
it up--Flick, flick!
Where is it now? Another street--seems like everything
--that's a restaurant, I guess--say, it looks a swell
place--see the people getting out of the motor and going
in--and another lot right after them--there's Madeline
--she's stopped outside the window--she's looking in--it's
starting to snow! Hullo! here's a man coming along! Why,
it's the Roo; he's stopping to talk to her, and pointing
in at the restaurant--Flick, flick!
  "LET ME TAKE YOU IN HERE
   TO DINNER."
Oh, I see! The Roo says that! My! I'm getting on to the
scheme of these things--the Roo is going to buy her some
dinner! That's decent of him. He must have heard about
her being hungry up in her room--say, I'm glad he came
along. Look, there's a waiter come out to the door to
show them in--what! she won't go! Say! I don't understand!
Didn't it say he offered to take her in? Flick, flick!
  "I WOULD RATHER DIE
   THAN EAT IT."
Gee! Why's that? What are all the audience applauding
for? I must have missed something! Flick, flick!
Oh, blazes! I'm getting lost! Where is she now? Back in
her room--flick, flick--praying--flick, flick! She's out
on the street!--flick, flick!--in the employment bureau
--flick, flick!--out of it--flick--darn the thing! It
changes too much--where is it all? What is it all--?
Flick, flick!
Now it's back at the old farm--I understand that all
right, anyway! Same kitchen--same old man--same old
woman--she's crying--who's this?--man in a sort of
uniform--oh, I see, rural postal delivery--oh, yes, he
brings them their letters--I see--
  "NO, MR. MEADOWLARK,
   I AM SORRY,
   I HAVE STILL NO LETTER
   FOR YOU..."
Flick! It's gone! Flick, flick--it's Madeline's room
again--what's she doing?--writing a letter?--no, she's
quit writing--she's tearing it up--
  "I CANNOT WRITE.
   IT WOULD BREAK THEIR ..."
Flick--missed it again! Break their something or other
--Flick, flick!
Now it's the farm again--oh, yes, that's the young man
John Holdfast--he's got a valise in his hand--he must be
going away--they're shaking hands with him--he's saying
something--
  "I WILL FIND HER FOR YOU
   IF I HAVE TO SEARCH
   ALL NEW YORK."
He's off--there he goes through the gate--they're waving
good-bye--flick--it's a railway depot--flick--it's New
York--say! That's the Grand Central Depot! See the people
buying tickets! My! isn't it lifelike?--and there's
John--he's got here all right--I hope he finds her room--
The picture changed--where is it now? Oh, yes, I see
--Madeline and the Roo--outside a street entrance to some
place--he's trying to get her to come in--what's that
on the door? Oh, yes, DANCE HALL--Flick, flick!
Well, say, that must be the inside of the dance hall
--they're dancing--see, look, look, there's one of the
girls going to get up and dance on the table.
Flick! Darn it!--they've cut it off--it's outside again
--it's Madeline and the Roo--she's saying something to
him--my! doesn't she look proud--?
   "I WILL DIE RATHER THAN DANCE."
Isn't she splendid! Hear the audience applaud! Flick--it's
changed--it's Madeline's room again--that's the landlady
--doesn't she look hard, eh? What's this--Flick!
  "IF YOU CANNOT PAY, YOU MUST
   LEAVE TO-NIGHT."
Flick, flick--it's Madeline--she's out in the street--it's
snowing--she's sat down on a doorstep--say, see her
face, isn't if pathetic? There! They've put her face all
by itself on the screen. See her eyes move! Flick, flick!
Who's this? Where is it? Oh, yes, I get it--it's John--at
a police station--he's questioning them--how grave they
look, eh? Flick, flick!
  "HAVE YOU SEEN A GIRL
   IN NEW YORK?"
I guess that's what he asks them, eh? Flick, flick--
  "NO, WE HAVE NOT."
Too bad--flick--it's changed again--it's Madeline on the
doorstep--she's fallen asleep--oh, say, look at that man
coming near to her on tiptoes, and peeking at her--why,
it's Edward, it's the Roo--but he doesn't waken her--what
does it mean? What's he after? Flick, flick--
Hullo--what's this?--it's night--what's this huge dark
thing all steel, with great ropes against the sky--it's
Brooklyn Bridge--at midnight--there's a woman on it!
It's Madeline--see! see! She's going to jump--stop her!
Stop her! Flick, flick--
Hullo! she didn't jump after all--there she is again on
the doorstep--asleep--how could she jump over Brooklyn
Bridge and still be asleep? I don't catch on--or, oh,
yes, I do--she _dreamed_ it--I see now, that's a great
scheme, eh?--shows her _dream_--
The picture's changed--what's this place--a saloon, I
guess--yes, there's the bartender, mixing drinks--men
talking at little tables--aren't they a tough-looking
lot?--see, that one's got a revolver--why, it's Edward
the Roo--talking with two men--he's giving them
money--what's this?--
  "GIVE US A HUNDRED APIECE
   AND WE'LL DO IT."
It's in the street again--Edward and one of the two toughs
--they've got little black masks on--they're sneaking
up to Madeline where she sleeps--they've got a big motor
drawn up beside them--look, they've grabbed hold of
Madeline--they're lifting her into the motor--help!
Stop! Aren't there any police?--yes, yes, there's a man
who sees it--by Gee! It's John, John Holdfast--grab
them, John--pshaw! they've jumped into the motor, they're
off!
Where is it now?--oh, yes--it's the police station again
--that's John, he's telling them about it--he's all out
of breath--look, that head man, the big fellow, he's
giving orders--
  "INSPECTOR FORDYCE, TAKE YOUR
   BIGGEST CAR AND TEN MEN.
   IF YOU OVERTAKE THEM,
   SHOOT AND SHOOT
   TO KILL."
Hoorah! Isn't it great--hurry! don't lose a minute--see
them all buckling on revolvers--get at it, boys, get at
it! Don't lose a second--
Look, look--it's a motor--full speed down the street--look
at the houses fly past--it's the motor with the thugs--there
it goes round the corner--it's getting smaller, it's
getting smaller, but look, here comes another--my! it's
just flying--it's full of police--there's John in
front--Flick!
Now it's the first motor--it's going over a bridge--it's
heading for the country--say, isn't that car just flying
--Flick, flick!
It's the second motor--it's crossing the bridge too--hurry,
boys, make it go!--Flick, flick!
Out in the country--a country road--early daylight--see
the wind in the trees! Notice the branches waving? Isn't
it natural?--whiz! Biff! There goes the motor--biff!
There goes the other one--right after it--hoorah!
The open road again--the first motor flying along! Hullo,
what's wrong? It's slackened, it stops--hoorah! it's
broken down--there's Madeline inside--there's Edward the
Roo! Say! isn't he pale and desperate!
Hoorah! the police! the police! all ten of them in their
big car--see them jumping out--see them pile into the
thugs! Down with them! paste their heads off! Shoot them!
Kill them! isn't it great--isn't it educative--that's
the Roo--Edward--with John at his throat! Choke him,
John! Throttle him! Hullo, it's changed--they're in the
big motor--that's the Roo with the handcuffs on him.
That's Madeline--she's unbound and she's talking; say,
isn't she just real pretty when she smiles?
  "YES, JOHN, I HAVE LEARNED THAT
   I WAS WRONG TO PUT MY ART
   BEFORE YOUR LOVE. I WILL
   MARRY YOU AS SOON AS
   YOU LIKE."
Flick, flick!
What pretty music! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Isn't it soft
and sweet!--like wedding bells. Oh, I see, the man in
the orchestra's doing it with a little triangle and a
stick--it's a little church up in the country--see all
the people lined up--oh! there's Madeline! in a long
white veil--isn't she just sweet!--and John--
Flick, flack, flick, flack.
  "BULGARIAN TROOPS ON THE
   MARCH."
What! Isn't it over? Do they all go to Bulgaria? I don't
seem to understand. Anyway, I guess it's all right to go
now. Other people are going.