Chapter 3




THE BEACON LIGHT

A week later came our opportunity of making this ascent of the mountain,
for now in mid-winter it ceased storming, and hard frost set in, which
made it possible to walk upon the surface of the snow. Learning from
the monks that at this season _ovis poli_ and other kinds of big-horned
sheep and game descended from the hills to take refuge in certain
valleys, where they scraped away the snow to find food, we announced
that we were going out to hunt. The excuse we gave was that we were
suffering from confinement and needed exercise, having by the teaching
of our religion no scruples about killing game.

Our hosts replied that the adventure was dangerous, as the weather might
change at any moment. They told us, however, that on the slopes of this
very mountain which we desired to climb, there was a large natural cave
where, if need be, we could take shelter, and to this cave one of them,
somewhat younger and more active than the rest, offered to guide us. So,
having manufactured a rougri tent from skins, and laden our old yak, now
in the best of condition, with food and garments, on one still morning
we started as soon as it was light. Under the guidance of the monk, who,
notwithstanding his years, walked very well, we reached the northern
slope of the peak before mid-day. Here, as he had said, we found a great
cave of which the opening was protected by an over-hanging ledge of
rock. Evidently this cave was the favourite place of shelter for game at
certain seasons of the year, since in it were heaped vast accumulations
of their droppings, which removed any fear of a lack of fuel.

The rest of that short day we spent in setting up our tent in the cave,
in front of which we lit a large fire, and in a survey of the slopes of
the mountain, for we told the monk that we were searching for the tracks
of wild sheep. Indeed, as it happened, on our way back to the cave we
came across a small herd of ewes feeding upon the mosses in a sheltered
spot where in summer a streamlet ran. Of these we were so fortunate as
to kill two, for no sportsman had ever come here, and they were tame
enough, poor things. As meat would keep for ever in that temperature,
we had now sufficient food to last us for a fortnight, and dragging the
animals down the snow slopes to the cave, we skinned them by the dying
light.

That evening we supped upon fresh mutton, a great luxury, which the
monk enjoyed as much as we did, since, whatever might be his views as to
taking life, he liked mutton. Then we turned into the tent and huddled
ourselves together for warmth, as the temperature must have been some
degrees below zero. The old monk rested well enough, but neither Leo nor
I slept over much, for wonder as to what we might see from the top of
that mountain banished sleep.

Next morning at the dawn, the weather being still favourable, our
companion returned to the monastery, whither we said we would follow him
in a day or two.

Now at last we were alone, and without wasting an instant began our
ascent of the peak. It was many thousand feet high and in certain places
steep enough, but the deep, frozen snow made climbing easy, so that by
midday we reached the top. Hence the view was magnificent. Beneath
us stretched the desert, and beyond it a broad belt of fantastically
shaped, snow-clad mountains, hundreds and hundreds of them; in front, to
the right, to the left, as far as the eye could reach.

"They are just as I saw them in my dream so many years ago," muttered
Leo; "the same, the very same."

"And where was the fiery light?" I asked.

"Yonder, I think;" and he pointed north by east.

"Well, it is not there now," I answered, "and this place is cold."

So, since it was dangerous to linger, lest the darkness should overtake
us on our return journey, we descended the peak again, reaching the cave
about sunset. The next four days we spent in the same way. Every morning
we crawled up those wearisome banks of snow, and every afternoon we
slid and tobogganed down them again, till I grew heartily tired of the
exercise.

On the fourth night, instead of coming to sleep in the tent Leo sat
himself down at the entrance to the cave. I asked him why he did this,
but he answered impatiently, because he wished it, so I left him alone.
I could see, indeed, that he was in a strange and irritable mood, for
the failure of our search oppressed him. Moreover, we knew, both of us,
that it could not be much prolonged, since the weather might break at
any moment, when ascents of the mountain would become impossible.

In the middle of the night I was awakened by Leo shaking me and
saying--"Come here, Horace, I have something to show you."

Reluctantly enough I crept from between the rugs and out of the tent. To
dress there was no need, for we slept in all our garments. He led me
to the mouth of the cave and pointed northward. I looked. The night was
very dark; but far, far away appeared a faint patch of light upon the
sky, such as might be caused by the reflection of a distant fire.

"What do you make of it?" he asked anxiously.

"Nothing in particular," I answered, "it may be anything. The moon--no,
there is none, dawn--no, it is too northerly, and it does not break for
three hours. Something burning, a house, or a funeral pyre, but how can
there be such things here? I give it up."

"I think it is a reflection, and that if we were on the peak we should
see the light which throws it," said Leo slowly.

"Yes, but we are not, and cannot get there in the dark."

"Then, Horace, we must spend a night there."

"It will be our last in this incarnation," I answered with a laugh,
"that is if it comes on to snow."

"We must risk it, or I will risk it. Look, the light has faded;" and
there at least he was right, for undoubtedly it had. The night was as
black as pitch.

"Let's talk it over to-morrow," I said, and went back to the tent, for I
was sleepy and incredulous, but Leo sat on by the mouth of the cave.

At dawn I awoke and found breakfast already cooked.

"I must start early," Leo explained.

"Are you mad?" I asked. "How can we camp on that place?"

"I don't know, but I am going. I must go, Horace."

"Which means that we both must go. But how about the yak?"

"Where we can climb, it can follow," he answered.

So we strapped the tent and other baggage, including a good supply of
cooked meat, upon the beast's back, and started. The tramp was long
since we were obliged to make some detours to avoid slopes of frozen
snow in which, on our previous ascents, we had cut footholds with an
axe, for up these the laden animal could not clamber. Reaching the
summit at length, we dug a hole, and there pitched the tent, piling the
excavated snow about its sides. By this time it began to grow dark, and
having descended into the tent, yak and all, we ate our food and waited.

Oh! what cold was that. The frost was fearful, and at this height a wind
blew whose icy breath passed through all our wrappings, and seemed to
burn our flesh beneath as though with hot irons. It was fortunate that
we had brought the yak, for without the warmth from its shaggy body I
believe that we should have perished, even in our tent. For some hours
we watched, as indeed we must, since to sleep might mean to die, yet saw
nothing save the lonely stars, and heard nothing in that awful silence,
for here even the wind made no noise as it slid across the snows.
Accustomed as I was to such exposure, my faculties began to grow numb
and my eyes to shut, when suddenly Leo said--"Look, below the red star!"

I looked, and there high in the sky was the same curious glow which we
had seen upon the previous night. There was more than this indeed, for
beneath it, almost on a line with us and just above the crests of the
intervening peaks, appeared a faint sheet of fire and revealed against
it, something black. Whilst we watched, the fire widened, spread upwards
and grew in power and intensity. Now against its flaming background the
black object became clearly visible, and lo! it was the top of a soaring
pillar surmounted by a loop. Yes, we could see its every outline. It was
the _crux ansata_, the Symbol of Life itself.

The symbol vanished, the fire sank. Again it blazed up more fiercely
than before and the loop appeared afresh, then once more disappeared.
A third time the fire shone, and with such intensity, that no lightning
could surpass its brilliance. All around the heavens were lit up, and,
through the black needle-shaped eye of the symbol, as from the flare of
a beacon, or the search-light of a ship, one fierce ray shot across the
sea of mountain tops and the spaces of the desert, straight as an arrow
to the lofty peak on which we lay. Yes, it lit upon the snow, staining
it red, and upon the wild, white faces of us who watched, though to the
right and left of us spread thick darkness. My compass lay before me on
the snow, and I could even see its needle; and beyond us the shape of
a white fox that had crept near, scenting food. Then it was gone as
swiftly as it came. Gone too were the symbol and the veil of flame
behind it, only the glow lingered a little on the distant sky.

For awhile there was silence between us, then Leo said--"Do you
remember, Horace, when we lay upon the Rocking Stone where _her_
cloak fell upon me--" as he said the words the breath caught in his
throat--"how the ray of light was sent to us in farewell, and to show us
a path of escape from the Place of Death? Now I think that it has been
sent again in greeting to point out the path to the Place of Life where
Ayesha dwells, whom we have lost awhile."

"It may be so," I answered shortly, for the matter was beyond speech
or argument, beyond wonder even. But I knew then, as I know now that
we were players in some mighty, predestined drama; that our parts were
written and we must speak them, as our path was prepared and we must
tread it to the end unknown. Fear and doubt were left behind, hope was
sunk in certainty; the fore-shadowing visions of the night had found an
actual fulfilment and the pitiful seed of the promise of her who died,
growing unseen through all the cruel, empty years, had come to harvest.

No, we feared no more, not even when with the dawn rose the roaring
wind, through which we struggled down the mountain slopes, as it would
seem in peril of our lives at every step; not even as hour by hour we
fought our way onwards through the whirling snow-storm, that made us
deaf and blind. For we knew that those lives were charmed. We could not
see or hear, yet we were led. Clinging to the yak, we struggled downward
and homewards, till at length out of the turmoil and the gloom its
instinct brought us unharmed to the door of the monastery, where the old
abbot embraced us in his joy, and the monks put up prayers of thanks.
For they were sure that we must be dead. Through such a storm, they
said, no man had ever lived before.

It was still mid-winter, and oh! the awful weariness of those months of
waiting. In our hands was the key, yonder amongst those mountains lay
the door, but not yet might we set that key within its lock. For between
us and these stretched the great desert, where the snow rolled like
billows, and until that snow melted we dared not attempt its passage. So
we sat in the monastery, and schooled our hearts to patience.

Still even to these frozen wilds of Central Asia spring comes at last.
One evening the air felt warm, and that night there were only a few
degrees of frost. The next the clouds banked up, and in the morning
not snow was falling from them, but rain, and we found the old monks
preparing their instruments of husbandry, as they said that the season
of sowing was at hand. For three days it rained, while the snows melted
before our eyes. On the fourth torrents of water were rushing down the
mountain and the desert was once more brown and bare, though not for
long, for within another week it was carpeted with flowers. Then we knew
that the time had come to start.

"But whither go you? Whither go you?" asked the old abbot in dismay.
"Are you not happy here? Do you not make great strides along the Path,
as may be known by your pious conversation? Is not everything that we
have your own? Oh! why would you leave us?"

"We are wanderers," we answered, "and when we see mountains in front of
us we must cross them."

Kou-en looked at us shrewdly, then asked--"What do you seek beyond the
mountains? And, my brethren, what merit is gathered by hiding the truth
from an old man, for such concealments are separated from falsehoods but
by the length of a single barleycorn. Tell me, that at least my prayers
may accompany you."

"Holy abbot," I said, "awhile ago yonder in the library you made a
certain confession to us."

"Oh! remind me not of it," he said, holding up his hands. "Why do you
wish to torment me?"

"Far be the thought from us, most kind friend and virtuous man," I
answered. "But, as it chances, your story is very much our own, and we
think that we have experience of this same priestess."

"Speak on," he said, much interested.

So I told him the outlines of our tale; for an hour or more I told it
while he sat opposite to us swaying his head like a tortoise and saying
nothing. At length it was done.

"Now," I added, "let the lamp of your wisdom shine upon our darkness. Do
you not find this story wondrous, or do you perchance think that we are
liars?"

"Brethren of the great monastery called the World," Kou-en answered
with his customary chuckle, "why should I think you liars who, from the
moment my eyes fell upon you, knew you to be true men? Moreover, why
should I hold this tale so very wondrous? You have but stumbled upon
the fringe of a truth with which we have been acquainted for many, many
ages.

"Because in a vision she showed you this monastery, and led you to a
spot beyond the mountains where she vanished, you hope that this woman
whom you saw die is re-incarnated yonder. Why not? In this there is
nothing impossible to those who are instructed in the truth, though the
lengthening of her last life was strange and contrary to experience.
Doubtless you will find her there as you expect, and doubtless her
_khama_, or identity, is the same as that which in some earlier life of
hers once brought me to sin.

"Only be not mistaken, she is no immortal; nothing is immortal. She is
but a being held back by her own pride, her own greatness if you will,
upon the path towards Nirvana. That pride will be humbled, as already it
has been humbled; that brow of majesty shall be sprinkled with the dust
of change and death, that sinful spirit must be purified by sorrows and
by separations. Brother Leo, if you win her, it will be but to lose, and
then the ladder must be reclimbed. Brother Holly, for you as for me loss
is our only gain, since thereby we are spared much woe. Oh! bide here
and pray with me. Why dash yourselves against a rock? Why labour to pour
water into a broken jar whence it must sink into the sands of profitless
experience, and there be wasted, whilst you remain athirst?"

"Water makes the sand fertile," I answered. "Where water falls, life
comes, and sorrow is the seed of joy."

"Love is the law of life," broke in Leo; "without love there is no
life. I seek love that I may live. I believe that all these things are
ordained to an end which we do not know. Fate draws me on--I fulfil my
fate----"

"And do but delay your freedom. Yet I will not argue with you, brother,
who must follow your own road. See now, what has this woman, this
priestess of a false faith if she be so still, brought you in the past?
Once in another life, or so I understand your story, you were sworn to
a certain nature-goddess, who was named Isis, were you not, and to her
alone? Then a woman tempted you, and you fled with her afar. And there
what found you? The betrayed and avenging goddess who slew you, or if
not the goddess, one who had drunk of her wisdom and was the minister
of her vengeance. Having that wisdom this minister--woman or evil
spirit--refused to die because she had learned to love you, but waited
knowing that in your next life she would find you again, as indeed she
would have done more swiftly in Devachan had she died without living on
alone in so much misery. And she found you, and she died, or seemed to
die, and now she is re-born, as she must be, and doubtless you will
meet once more, and again there must come misery. Oh! my friends, go not
across the mountains; bide here with me and lament your sins."

"Nay," answered Leo, "we are sworn to a tryst, and we do not break our
word."

"Then, brethren, go keep your tryst, and when you have reaped its
harvest think upon my sayings, for I am sure that the wine you crush
from the vintage of your desire will run red like blood, and that in its
drinking you shall find neither forgetfulness nor peace. Made blind by
a passion of which well I know the sting and power, you seek to add a
fair-faced evil to your lives, thinking that from this unity there shall
be born all knowledge and great joy.

"Rather should you desire to live alone in holiness until at length your
separate lives are merged and lost in the Good Unspeakable, the eternal
bliss that lies in the last Nothingness. Ah! you do not believe me now;
you shake your heads and smile; yet a day will dawn, it may be after
many incarnations, when you shall bow them in the dust and weep, saying
to me, 'Brother Kou-en, yours were the words of wisdom, ours the deeds
of foolishness;'" and with a deep sigh the old man turned and left us.

"A cheerful faith, truly," said Leo, looking after him, "to dwell
through aeons in monotonous misery in order that consciousness may be
swallowed up at last in some void and formless abstraction called the
'Utter Peace.' I would rather take my share of a bad world and keep my
hope of a better. Also I do not think that he knows anything of Ayesha
and her destiny."

"So would I," I answered, "though perhaps he is right after all. Who can
tell? Moreover, what is the use of reasoning? Leo, we have no choice;
we follow our fate. To what that fate may lead us we shall learn in due
season."

Then we went to rest, for it was late, though I found little sleep that
night. The warnings of the ancient abbot, good and learned man as he
was, full also of ripe experience and of the foresighted wisdom that
is given to such as he, oppressed me deeply. He promised us sorrow and
bloodshed beyond the mountains, ending in death and rebirths full of
misery. Well, it might be so, but no approaching sufferings could stay
our feet. And even if they could, they should not, since to see her face
again I was ready to brave them all. And if this was my case what must
be that of Leo!

A strange theory that of Kou-en's, that Ayesha was the goddess in
old Egypt to whom Kallikrates was priest, or at the least her
representative. That the royal Amenartas, with whom he fled, seduced him
from the goddess to whom he was sworn. That this goddess incarnate
in Ayesha--or using the woman Ayesha and her passions as her
instruments--was avenged upon them both at Kor, and that there in an
after age the bolt she shot fell back upon her own head.

Well, I had often thought as much myself. Only I was sure that _She_
herself could be no actual divinity, though she might be a manifestation
of one, a priestess, a messenger, charged to work its will, to avenge or
to reward, and yet herself a human soul, with hopes and passions to be
satisfied, and a destiny to fulfil. In truth, writing now, when all is
past and done with, I find much to confirm me in, and little to turn me
from that theory, since life and powers of a quality which are more than
human do not alone suffice to make a soul divine. On the other hand,
however, it must be borne in mind that on one occasion at any rate,
Ayesha did undoubtedly suggest that in the beginning she was "a daughter
of Heaven," and that there were others, notably the old Shaman Simbri,
who seemed to take it for granted that her origin was supernatural. But
of all these things I hope to speak in their season.

Meanwhile what lay beyond the mountains? Should we find her there who
held the sceptre and upon earth wielded the power of the outraged Isis,
and with her, that other woman who wrought the wrong? And if so, would
the dread, inhuman struggle reach its climax around the person of the
sinful priest? In a few months, a few days even, we might begin to know.

Thrilled by this thought at length I fell asleep.



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