My Wife's Lovers

There were three of them in 1886, the big drought year: old Eversofar,
Billy Marshall, and Bingong. I never was very jealous of them, not even
when Billy gave undoubted ground for divorce by kissing her boldly in the
front garden, with Eversofar and Bingong looking on--to say nothing of
myself. So far as public opinion went it could not matter, because we
were all living at Tilbar Station in the Tibbooburra country, and the
nearest neighbour to us was Mulholland of Nimgi, a hundred miles away.
Billy was the son of my manager, John Marshall, and, like his father, had
an excellent reputation as a bushman, and, like his mother, was very
good-looking. He was very much indeed about my house, suggesting
improvements in household arrangements; making remarks on my wife's
personal appearance--with corresponding disparagement of myself; riding
with my wife across the plains; shooting kangaroos with her by night; and
secretly instructing her in the mysteries of a rabbit-trap, with which,
he was sure, he could make "dead loads of metal" (he was proficient in
the argot of the back-blocks); and with this he would buy her a beautiful
diamond ring, and a horse that had won the Melbourne Cup, and an air-gun!
Once when she was taken ill, and I was away in the South, he used to sit
by her bedside, fanning her hour after hour, being scarcely willing to
sleep at night; and was always on hand, smoothing her pillow, and issuing
a bulletin to Eversofar and Bingong the first thing in the morning. I
have no doubt that Eversofar and Bingong cared for her just as much as he
did; but, from first to last, they never had his privileges, and were
always subordinate to him in showing her devotion. He was sound and frank
with them. He told Eversofar that, of course, she only was kind to him,
and let him have a hut all to himself, because he was old and had had a
bad time out on the farthest back-station (that was why he was called
Eversofar), and had once carried Bingong with a broken leg, on his back,
for twenty miles. As for Bingong, he was only a black fellow, aged
fifteen, and height inconsiderable. So, of the three, Billy had his own
way, and even shamelessly attempted to lord it over me.

Most husbands would consider my position painful, particularly when I say
that my wife accepted the attention of all three lovers with calm
pleasure, and that of Billy with a shocking indifference to my feelings.
She never tried to explain away any circumstance, no matter how awkward
it might look if put down in black and white. Billy never quailed before
my look; he faced me down with his ingenuous smile; he patted me on the
arms approvingly; or, with apparent malice, asked me questions difficult
to answer, when I came back from a journey to Brisbane--for a man
naturally finds it hard to lay bare how he spent all his time in town.
Because he did it so suavely and naively, one could not be resentful. It
might seem that matters had reached a climax, when, one day, Mulholland
came over, and, seeing my wife and her lovers together watering the
garden and teaching cockatoos, said to me that Billy had the advantage of
me on my own ground. It may not be to my credit that I only grinned, and
forbore even looking foolish. Yet I was very fond of my wife all the
time. We stood pretty high on the Charwon Downs, and though it was
terribly hot at times, it was healthy enough; and she never lost her
prettiness, though, maybe, she lacked bloom.

I think I never saw her look better than she did that day when Mulholland
was with me. She had on the lightest, softest kind of stuff, with sleeves
reaching only a little below her elbow--her hands and arms never got
sunburnt in the hottest weather--her face smiled out from under the
coolest-looking hat imaginable, and her hair, though gathered, had a
happy trick of always lying very loose and free about the head, saving
her from any primness otherwise possible, she was so neat. Mulholland and
I were sitting in the veranda. I glanced up at the thermometer, and it
registered a hundred in the shade! Mechanically I pushed the lime-juice
towards Mulholland, and pointed to the water-bag. There was nothing else
to do except grumble at the drought. Yet there my wife was, a picture of
coolness and delight; the intense heat seemed only to make her the more
refreshing to the eye. Water was not abundant, but we still felt
justified in trying to keep her bushes and flowers alive; and she stood
there holding the hose and throwing the water in the cheerfulest shower
upon the beds. Billy stood with his hands on his hips watching her, very
hot, very self-contained. He was shining with perspiration; and he looked
the better of it. Eversofar was camped beneath a sandal-tree teaching a
cockatoo, also hot and panting, but laughing low through his white beard;
and Bingong, black, hatless--less everything but a pair of trousers which
only reached to his knees--was dividing his time between the cockatoo and
my wife.

Presently Bingong sighted an iguana and caught it, and the three gathered
about it in the shade of the sandal. After a time the interest in the
iguana seemed to have shifted to something else; and they were all
speaking very earnestly. At last I saw Billy and my wife only talking.
Billy was excited, and apparently indignant. I could not hear what they
were saying, but I saw he was pale, and his compatriots in worship rather
frightened; for he suddenly got into a lofty rage. It was undoubtedly a
quarrel. Mulholland saw, too, and said to me: "This looks as if there
would be a chance for you yet." He laughed. So did I.

Soon I saw by my wife's face that she was saying something sarcastical.
Then Billy drew himself up very proudly, and waving his hand in a grand
way, said loudly, so that we could hear: "It's as true as gospel; and
you'll be sorry for this-like anything and anything!" Then he stalked
away from her, raising his hat proudly, but immediately turned, and
beckoning to Eversofar and Bingong added: "Come on with me to barracks,
you two."

They started away towards him, looking sheepishly at my wife as they did
so; but Billy finding occasion to give counter-orders, said: "But you
needn't come until you put the cockatoos away, and stuck the iguana in a
barrel, and put the hose up for--for her."

He watched them obey his orders, his head in the air the while, and when
they had finished, and were come towards him, he again took off his hat,
and they all left her standing alone in the garden.

Then she laughed a little oddly to herself, and stood picking to pieces
the wet leaves of a geranium, looking after the three. After a little she
came slowly over to us. "Well," said I, feigning great irony, "all loves
must have their day, both old and new. You see how they've deserted you.
Yet you smile at it!"

"Indeed, my lord and master," she said, "it is not a thing to laugh at.
It's very serious."

"And what has broken the charm of your companionship?" I asked.

"The mere matter of the fabled Bunyip. He claimed that he had seen it,
and I doubted his word. Had it been you it would not have mattered. You
would have turned the other cheek, you are so tame. But he has fire and
soul, and so we quarrelled."

"And your other lovers turned tail," I maliciously, said.

"Which only shows how superior he is," was her reply. "If you had been in
the case they would never have left me."

"Oh, oh!" blurted Mulholland, "I am better out of this; for I little care
to be called as a witness in divorce." He rose from his chair, but I
pushed him back, and he did not leave till "the cool of the evening."

The next morning, at breakfast-time, a rouseabout brought us a piece of
paper which had been nailed to the sandal-tree. On it was written:

"We have gone for the Bunyip. We travel on foot! Farewell and Farewell!"

We had scarcely read it, when John Marshall and his wife came in
agitation, and said that Billy's bed had not been slept in during the
night. From the rouseabout we found that Eversofar and Bingong were also
gone. They had not taken horses, doubtless because Billy thought it would
hardly be valiant and adventurous enough, and because neither Bingong nor
Eversofar owned one, and it might look criminal to go off with mine. We
suspected that they had headed for the great Debil-devil Waterhole,
where, it was said, the Bunyip appeared: that mysterious animal, or
devil, or thing, which nobody has ever seen, but many have pretended to
see. Now, this must be said of Billy, that he never had the feeling of
fear--he was never even afraid of me. He had often said he had seen a
Bunyip, and that he'd bring one home some day, but no one took him
seriously. It showed what great influence he had over his companions,
that he could induce them to go with him; for Bingong, being a native,
must naturally have a constitutional fear of the Debil-debil, as the
Bunyip is often called. The Debil-debil Waterhole was a long way off, and
through a terrible country--quartz plains, ragged scrub, and little or no
water all the way. Then, had they taken plenty of food with them? So far
as we could see, they had taken some, but we could not tell how much.

My wife smiled at the business at first; then became worried as the day
wore on, and she could see the danger and hardship of wandering about
this forsaken country without a horse and with uncertain water. The day
passed. They did not return. We determined on a search the next morning.
At daybreak, Marshall and I and the rouseabout started on good horses,
each going at different angles, but agreeing to meet at the Debil debil
Waterhole, and to wait there for each other. If any one of us did not
come after a certain time, we were to conclude that he had found the
adventurers and was making his way back with them. After a day of painful
travel and little water, Marshall and I arrived, almost within an hour of
each other. We could see no sign of anybody having been at the lagoon. We
waited twelve hours, and were about to go, leaving a mark behind us to
show we had been there, when we saw the rouseabout and his exhausted
horse coming slowly through the bluebush to us. He had suffered much for
want of water.

We all started back again at different angles, our final rendezvous being
arranged for the station homestead, the rouseabout taking a direct line,
and making for the Little Black Billabong on the way. I saw no sign of
the adventurers. I sickened with the heat, and my eyes became inflamed. I
was glad enough when, at last, I drew rein in the home paddock. I
couldn't see any distance, though I was not far from the house. But when
I got into the garden I saw that others had just arrived. It was the
rouseabout with my wife's lovers. He had found Billy nursing Eversofar in
the shade of a stunted brigalow, while Bingong was away hunting for
water. Billy himself had pushed his cause as bravely as possible, and had
in fact visited the Little Black Billabong, where--he always
maintains--he had seen the great Bunyip. But after watching one night,
they tried to push on to the Debil-debil Waterhole. Old Eversofar, being
weak and old, gave in, and Billy became a little delirious--he has denied
it, but Bingong says it is so; yet he pulled himself together as became
the leader of an expedition, and did what he could for Eversofar until
the rouseabout came with food and water. Then he broke down and cried--he
denies this also. They tied the sick man on the horse and trudged back to
the station in a bad plight.

As I came near the group I heard my wife say to Billy, who looked sadly
haggard and ill, that she was sure he would have got the Bunyip if it
hadn't been for the terrible drought; and at that, regardless of my
presence, he took her by the arms and kissed her, and then she kissed him
several times.

Perhaps I ought to have mentioned before that Billy was just nine years
old.