Ophelia of the West Coast

[hillwalker]

OPHELIA OF THE WEST COAST

She chose it well for Elsinore
this rotting tooth of weathered rock
where white sand aprons offer access from the beach

Due west a cold pelagic mass of grey
its undercurrents set her nerves on edge
impatient echoes rippling through the auditorium
drum-roll then her entrance
ripples of applause from breakers on the rocks below

On any other day she might have danced to centre stage
but stumbling now as if from belladonna
like a fallen Fonteyn
dragging feet as heavy as her ballast heart
in listless free-fall as she neared the edge

The onshore wind would surely strew her hair to tatters
set her practised smile askew
her grease-paint cracked and weathered
lifeless eyes as pearled as oyster-shell
and tears as bitter as Sargasso

She may have paused to gain her bearings
struck a wordless pose like Garbo
cast her tattered nets for prompts
her lines adrift
her stuttering soliloquy inaudible

Then buoyed by seagulls screaming encore
fake bouquets of spume and salt spray
overcome as her quietus now becomes
her mute appeal
one woe upon another’s heel

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I thought that "Garbo" was a disruptive, anachronistic note. Of course, your Ophelia of the West Coast is not the Ophelia of Denmark, but I had come to think of her as if she were that Ophelia, come back to life here - and yet the "Garbo" was somehow too much of this world, of this or a recent time.

Apart from that, such a plenitude of your always super-solid imagery, such a committed act of the imagination.

her quietus now becomes
her mute appeal
one woe upon another’s heel

is exactly at the edge between sharp-eyed, intelligent observation, and heartbreak.

Edit: I'm reminded by Delta's response of the equally contemporary reference to Fonteyn, which should have struck me the same way as the reference to Garbo did, but Garbo is so much more prominent a representative of 20th c. popular culture.

[Delta40]

I'm torn between reading this as an old boat succumbing to the elements of the sea or a woman flinging herself form the edge to become part of the ocean!

On any other day she might have danced to centre stage
but stumbling now as if from belladonna
like a fallen Fonteyn
dragging feet as heavy as her ballast heart
in listless free-fall as she neared the edge

[hillwalker]

@Prince and @Delta - thanks for your comments. This was meant to portray a fading actress deciding to end it all by throwing herself into the sea - where the elements become her final audience (Ophelia being her last role - taking method acting to its inevitable conclusion presumably)....and the final line of course is a quote from Gertrude of Ophelia's demise.

Though I do also like the image of an old boat past her best now disintegrating into the tide.

H

[Delta40]

oh. I did get it after all. I've been missing the mark so much on people's work lately. This poem was beautifully written. I'm sure any sailor would have appreciated
her grease-paint cracked and weathered
lifeless eyes as pearled as oyster-shell

as he runs his fingers across her bough

[Jerrybaldy]

Jane Doe infiltrating consciousness here?
I can see you are drawn to the sea, Hill. I could never forget the rasta rock that you came up with previously. There are several references here I would need to google, but that is just my lack of knowledge. You make me feel like a philistine, you knobbly kneed walker. But in a good way
cheers
Jerry

[blank|verse]

Good poem, hill - the whole conceit is brilliantly imaginative.

I presume the 'west coast' is that of Scotland, perhaps on St Kilda or similar (very Don Paterson!). As a Hamlet fan, I want to overlook some quibbles I have about using Ophelia, who was a young woman driven to madness. Although it doesn't say her age in the poem, the references to Garbo and Fonteyn do seem to date her, and you suggest as much in your reply. Also, her madness would mean she couldn't 'chose' where to go, although I suppose that could be read either way.

Watch the repetition of 'tatters' in stanzas 4 and 5. And I'm not sure about the lack of punctuation throughout.

See if you can read 'The baker's daughter' by Annie Katchinska from her Faber New Poets 6 pamphlet, which is also about the drowning of Ophelia. (Just don't read the biography on the back which tells you when she was born - it's enough to make you want to give up writing!)

Good stuff.

[Hawkman]

Hi hill, I did pick up on the frenetic suicidal dance to the cliffs edge and beyond but I found the use of Fonteyn's name distracting, a: because it disrupted the metre and b: because I also the description of the mad dance to destruction more evocative of Moira Shearer's famous scene in Powell & Pressberger's, 'The Red Shoes' although this involved a steam train rather than a sea cliff ) The Garbo reference I'm not sure works because in striking a pose, especially in the stylised manner of the silent screen, stillness was and is the key. This seems a little at varience with the frenetic tempo of the writing and the scene it describes. There is a famous scene in the 1932 film, "Grand Hotel" (which starred Garbo and two Barrymores) where John Barrymore, playing a failing actor, commits suicide in his room using the gas fire after carefully setting the lighting to it's most dramatic effect, strikes a pose and then flops, having succumbed to asphixiation.

I agree with B/V about punctuation, but on the whole I enjoyed wallowing in the tempest of imagery you conjoured, like Prospero from his books. Live and be well. H

[cogs]

the breakers as applause are inspiring. i love both the metaphor of the beaten ship, and her decline contrasted with her former prime. poems about the sea are interesting to me.

[yuka]

by Kingsoft Powerword i basically read this poem.
a gorgeous imagination.

remember last year i heard a scotland light music now forget the name. wow, that's really miserable and moving, and i though with so great music, Scotland must can produce great poetry.

[hillwalker]

@b|v - thanks for the pointer to 'the baker's daughter' (I did not realise the significance of owls before now - and the writer herself just turned 20, argh).
And yes - the West coast of Scotland is the setting (but not as far offshore as St Kilda). Also the 'tatters'/'tattered' had indeed slipped through the net - that's what comes of posting something as soon as it's written (not something I normally do).

@hawk lack of punctuation (mea culpa) - and Fonteyn and Garbo - a stumbling block for many I can see. It was a case of the doomed heroine playing to her elemental audience for all she was worth before that final curtain.

@jerry - philistine I think not! - although I'm guessing 'pelagic' might have been the word you googled :-) - and of course the sea is in our blood is it not?

@cogs - thanks for your generous comments, and

@yuka - I'm also pleased you enjoyed this and that it reminded you of a melancholy piece of music associated with Scotland.

H

[firefangled]

Seeing Ophelia and West Coast together in a title says this won't go well for the ol' girl.

I liked the second "tatters" because of its echo in "stuttering." So if you choose to lose one I would recommend the first.

The Garbo pose seemed apropos to me.

[hillwalker]

Thanks @ff - I shall bear your suggestion in mind when I apply the finishing touches. And I'm glad her Garbo moment did not go to waste,

H

[Haunted]

Very atmospheric the way you painted the seashore, such a special landscape that runs a few of your poems. I didn't get the suicidal tendencies in my first read, I actually thought it was the remnant of a statue or some relic. Now it does remind me of Jane Doe but your Ophelia definitely surpasses in epic proportions and rich imageries.

[cogs]

ah, maybe just bouquets, leaving the beautiful metaphor intact, without pretentious 'fake'. will keep reading.