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Thread: my name is Jane and this is my story

  1. #1
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    my name is Jane and this is my story

    There is a common thread running through two separate poems I posted previously in my Trashy collection, so now I'm tinkling around with it by adding a third one to complete the thought. Hope it works.




    my name is Jane and this is my story: A TRILOGY


    ONE:

    love story


    let’s do something
    different today

    let’s take a trip
    to September of 1948

    let’s dress up
    as a Hollywood couple

    let’s do a stunt
    and scale the steepest cliff

    let’s pose for the camera
    and kiss like there’s no tomorrow

    let’s write our own script
    of seduction, love, lust and betrayal

    let’s rehearse our lines
    for the riveting, tear jerking last scene

    let’s give me your best acting
    pretend you love me more than you love her

    let’s make a pact
    that you will not hold me back on my way down



    TWO:

    once upon a time



    he says it’s sacred
    so they must...must keep it
    their sweet little secret

    whenever she misses him
    she lays down on a bed of letters
    this is where he is
    when he is not here

    as soon as her eyes close
    she can feel the steel tip
    his love infused fountain pen
    pushing hard and harder
    into the exquisite stationery
    leaving one unmistakable
    pregnant chad

    afterwards she swoons over
    every trace of saliva he left
    on the linen envelopes
    each sealed with a lie




    THREE:

    the conclusion



    water is my birth sign
    I had no desire to
    come back to land

    a pair of serious eyes
    looks into mine

    (it’s not him)

    my new white knight
    found saline content
    in my water filled lungs
    most likely from the ocean
    but it could also be tears

    before he leaves the
    climate controlled room
    he gently tags my toe
    Jane Doe
    Last edited by Haunted; 11-17-2010 at 11:34 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  2. #2
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    Ooooo... what a climax. Whether it's a metaphorical fatality or an actual death it's an unexpected ending. And it does justice to the preceding two poems.

    I loved the matter-of-fact reference to the 'climate controlled room' - a clinical ending to a doomed affair.

    H

  3. #3
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    I love

    water is my birth sign
    I had no desire to
    come back to land

    For a brief moment I thought of child birth but that romantic hope was dashed. Very good Haunted and I like how the trilogy runs
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  4. #4
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    A mysterious and fitting end to what is now a trilogy haunted. I have my theories ...
    1948. Now a date in litnet history at least in 2010.

    love John

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  5. #5
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Thanks you guys, thanks for endorsing the trilogy concept. I didn't know if I could pull it off, being that they are quite different in style and tone. Not really sure if poems in a trilogy need to resemble one another. I hope someone will enlighten me.

    Thanks for the Ooooo's Hill. It's supposed to be a real death, picking up from the last line in the first poem, and I was going to describe her whitened skin and what she's wearing, and then I forgot all about it!

    Delta, now you got me worried, I don't want any allusions to childbirth...what can I change to steer away from it? Maybe just taking out the word birth: "water is my sign"?

    Ha Jerry, 1948 indeed. I have you to thank, for your overwhelming enthusiasm with Love Story when I first posted it, and later your Crash 1948 that keeps it alive. Now who is John, the bellboy in your poem?
    Last edited by Haunted; 11-17-2010 at 06:56 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  6. #6
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    He shares Jane's surname.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  7. #7
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    *duh* How could I not know? He's on the next table.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  8. #8
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    The trilogy title drew me in immediately and the new third part fits nicely with the others but the last line - spooky though it is - is a problem because it seems to imply retroactively that this is a poem about the circumstance of being a woman per se, "Jane Doe" being a virtual synonym for Everywoman.

  9. #9
    Registered User kittypaws's Avatar
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    Dear Jane Doe ~ this was awesome!

    I had read the other two in your prior post and I really like how you tied in
    let’s make a pact
    that you will not hold me back on my way down


    I remember wondering how that was related to Your poem Love Story. Is that part of what inspired the final in the trilogy or was this being planned the whole time?

    Enjoyed it very much, Haunted.

    kittypaws
    Everyone finds himself in the world where he belongs. The essential thing is to have a fixed point from which to check its reality now and then.
    Ancient Egyptian Inner Temples

  10. #10
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Thanks for your comment Prince, it's not Everywoman, although I know exactly why you would think that. Her body wasn't identified so they gave her the generic name Jane Doe. I wanted to show that no one came to identify her, she is all alone in this world even though she thinks "he" is with her. But it's all a lie.

    Thanks so much Kitty. No, I didn't plan to write a trilogy. The first 2 are standalones and unrelated to each other. One was written for the picture poetry contest and the other one for the subject contest so each is self contained. It just occurred to me that I can make a trilogy because the commonality their share with 1948, and the third one picks up where the first one left off to tie all three together.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  11. #11
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    I remember 1948
    as though I never was there.
    I did not see you in that street,
    stood in the light of the diner
    and I never flinched
    not for an instant,
    when you tripped.
    I had no fingers in my gloves
    and I remembered
    not to save you.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  12. #12
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy View Post
    I remember 1948
    as though I never was there.
    I did not see you in that street,
    stood in the light of the diner
    and I never flinched
    not for an instant,
    when you tripped.
    I had no fingers in my gloves
    and I remembered
    not to save you.
    I didn't read
    your response to Haunted's latest poem
    but if I had
    I wouldn't not have liked it.

    (Apologies, Haunted, for butting in.)

  13. #13
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Jerry, are you referencing my old signature of not to be rescued?
    Last edited by Haunted; 11-19-2010 at 01:22 PM.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  14. #14
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Yes and also the last line of 'Love Story'

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  15. #15
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    I'm honored that you remember

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

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