Shannanigan's Search for More...

What has caused me to become so bold? Have I surrounded myself with so many less academically priviledged people that I have truly fooled myself into thinking that I might just be smarter than everyone? How DARE I?

I keep catching myself, mid-sentence, trying to explain something to someone who probably knows waaaaaaayyyyy more about the subject at hand than I do. For example, in my education class today, I suddenly found myself trying to explain to my professor why it is so much more time-consuming to assess students' understanding of literature than their understanding of, say, scientific processes, math procedures, or historical events. Me, a lowly English undergrad, with no experience in teaching or in any field outside of English, trying to tell a woman who has been teaching in many subject areas for almost 50 years and who has a Ph.D, that I know something about the time it takes to grade student work...when I have never had graded a thing in my life. Again, I must ask, how dare I?

I've always been one to question authority figures, because I want to make sure that they are right simply because they really are right, and not just because their position of power allows them to say that they are. It's usually not a problem, but events like the one above and others where I've made a fool of myself by arguing with true experts about things they have spent years studying and teaching...well...that's just plain stupid of me.

I think that I have become used to my position as a "gifted" student, and have become used to being the girl who explains things not only to fellow students, but to technologically confused professors and even older family members as well. I'm used to explaining things, because I just GET things so much more quickly than most people, and because I'm just so darn good at explaining things in simpler terms (at least, that's what people tell me).

And maybe that's the problem; maybe too many people are telling me that I'm a great teacher, or that I know a lot about literature, or technology, or whatever it is we're talking about. Maybe my ego has inflated to an unhealthy size to the point where I mistakenly believe that I just know everything that eveyone around me knows and then some. Big problem.

I need to deflate.

Someone needs to puncture my ego.

Reality check needed in dorm room Middle E4 please, reality check needed now, please...