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Thread: A co-write with Maximilianus

  1. #1
    Death awaits...
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    A co-write with Maximilianus

    Hi all, just a quick note. This poem is a co-write with Maximilianus, after a heart to heart.
    Enjoy.


    Two Tragedies Like One

    No scar visible to the eye
    But your spirit is wounded
    Like mine.
    We are two for tragedy!
    I'm not entitled to judge,
    Stupidly I fell for an illusion too
    My good sir we are dreamers...
    Believing in the unreachable.
    If only a little closer.
    Apparently we are bound to suffer,
    You fell for a romantic
    A fool, a dreamer too.
    Now we are totally abandoned,
    Along with the bitter wishes undone
    And - of one's own company.
    Two lonely hearts left to bleed...
    Trying to survive the bitterness...
    We imagine what it could have been
    Had we made it work.
    But alas it wasn't meant to be
    You're here alone
    And so am I.

  2. #2
    Registered User billl's Avatar
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    This was woven together nicely. The highlight for me was the early exclamation point at the end of the line "We are two for tragedy!" It sounds like things might be on the mend.

  3. #3
    My mind's in rags breathtest's Avatar
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    I wonder if it was hard to co-write this, because usually co-writing takes a lot of compromise. Anyway it's so tragic but at the same time it's beautiful.
    'For sale: baby shoes, never worn'. Hemingway

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    Quote Originally Posted by billl View Post
    This was woven together nicely. The highlight for me was the early exclamation point at the end of the line "We are two for tragedy!" It sounds like things might be on the mend.
    Actually Bill you have Max, to thank for that line. He is quite clever. Thanks for taking the time to read it.


    Quote Originally Posted by breathtest View Post
    I wonder if it was hard to co-write this, because usually co-writing takes a lot of compromise. Anyway it's so tragic but at the same time it's beautiful.
    Breathtest, ordinarily I would say yes, it would have been hard to write. But this wasn't, only because like I stated in my intro, it was a heart to heart and we just said what we felt. All I did was, copy and paste, put it all together, cut out a few 'and, ifs and but's' And my clever friend Max, came up with the title of the poem. Unusually simple really.

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    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    A product of two bright minds - I have to say I throughly enjoyed that. Going to try another one?
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

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    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd manton View Post
    A product of two bright minds - I have to say I throughly enjoyed that. Going to try another one?
    Don't know D, this one was an accident. Would you like to do one with me?

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    Registered User neilgee's Avatar
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    Aw, such a sad poem, I'd never know it was a dual composition if you hadn't told me, Mary.
    What are regrets? Just lessons we haven't learned yet - Beth Orton

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    Thanks for reading it Neil... Like I state earlier, it was an accident.

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    An accident, but almost a case of two pens scratching as one.....

    From the subject matter and the positive way you have both handled it (despite the tragic overtones) I guess sharing your thoughts with a fellow-writer who has suffered the same was a rewarding exercise creatively and emotionally. It reads as the outpouring of two minds..... not conjoined but certainly on the same wavelength.

    H

    H

  10. #10
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    Thanks for your comment Hillwalker. It is true, there are two tales almost identical, but indiviual as well.
    M

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    dafydd dafydd manton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maryd. View Post
    Don't know D, this one was an accident. Would you like to do one with me?
    I'd love to, but I can only write frivolous nonsense, without much meaning, just in the hope of being funny. (Please, let it be funny!) I don't think I could do your work any credit at all, since you use so much depth of feeling, and mine are so shallow. I've only ever written 2 serious poems in my life, and I don't like either of them much!
    Dafydd Manton, A Legend In His Own Lunchtime!! www.dafydd-manton.co.uk

    My Work Has Been Spread Over Many Fields!

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    Beyond the world aliengirl's Avatar
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    When two brilliant minds and two sensitive heart interweave their experience the result is always beautiful. Yes, it is sad but beautiful. The title is so apt and I like the last two lines-
    "You're here alone
    And so am I."
    I must create a system, or be enslaved by another man's. ~ William Blake

    Captivity is consciousness,
    So's liberty. ~ Emily Dickinson

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    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Very good Mary d. Collaboration is interesting. Could put two totally different writers together and see what unholy mess comes together. Or not
    This worked though
    JB

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    Quote Originally Posted by dafydd manton View Post
    I'd love to, but I can only write frivolous nonsense, without much meaning, just in the hope of being funny. (Please, let it be funny!) I don't think I could do your work any credit at all, since you use so much depth of feeling, and mine are so shallow. I've only ever written 2 serious poems in my life, and I don't like either of them much!

    Ah, my dear sir, how you sell yourself short. One never knows one strengths, if one doesn't try... Your last poem is getting all sorts of wonderful views. I'm sure if I set my mind to it, I could try my hand and head as something comical... Heaven knows, I need some cheering up. Come on, humour me.


    Quote Originally Posted by aliengirl View Post
    When two brilliant minds and two sensitive heart interweave their experience the result is always beautiful. Yes, it is sad but beautiful. The title is so apt and I like the last two lines-
    "You're here alone
    And so am I."
    Yes well, Aliengirl, it works when two people are telling their stories to each other and they are almost identical...

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerrybaldy View Post
    Very good Mary d. Collaboration is interesting. Could put two totally different writers together and see what unholy mess comes together. Or not
    This worked though
    JB
    Dear Jerry, it seemed that Max and I were telling the same story, then he came up with the line 'we are two for tragedy' and I said for a joke, that, that would go down well as a poem and that's how it ended up here.

  15. #15
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    this is so seamless, written by two who are feeling as one, speaking for the rest of us whose hearts are likewise as broken. Thanks for such an outstanding collaboration.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

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