Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[Paulclem]

Or, more likely: started by some unscrupulous NHS ivort tower-builder seeking to build another administration arm.

Fact is, prostate screening is a terrible idea. In a whole universe of medical problems, widespread prostate screening is both financially irresponsible and medically hypocritical.

If your prostate causes trouble, have it checked, otherswise, by far the best plan is to ignore it. (Ignore medically, that is; it should certainly be given a good workout frequently!)

I'm all for such self medication.

[prendrelemick]

Its no good Atheist, Google ads will not be drawn. Just the usual Plenty Offish advert on here (which is a very strange name for a dating service I think.)

[soundofmusic]

Oh, my room has been booked for a long time.

If there's only one question all christians agree on - it's me going to hell!

"Right, man to man stuff here. I want to talk to you both about masturbation!"
They both just about swallowed their tongues.
The plot stopped there, as Mrs Atheist, who was listening in behind the door, dissolved into hysterics.


Yes, women can escape the home invasion most of the time, but after birth, I wonder how any woman has enough dignity to care about such trifles!

Nah, I'm going to be one of those really crotchety old geezers who carves them up as useless layabouts!

Well, if you and your minions are going to hell; I'm coming too. I had half way considered a death bed repentance just in case
I assume you covered any back talking for the next 50 years with that masturbation remark
I chose a small statured gay man for my gynecologist; so he kept home invasion at a minimum and I went with general anesthesia for the birth; the first thing I remember is them bringing in a lizard with 3 or 4 eyes wrapped in a blanket
Yeah, I can see you crotchety, buying a love machine and picking up 25 year old blond strippers

Second, the best tip I can give to any bloke is to find a Chinese woman doctor. NEVER, ever use a male doctor who used to play rugby for Caernarvon, whose dad died in the pits and has hands like sides of mutton.


I think here in blighty they've started screening for prostate cancer from 55.
I think it was suggested by women after all they have to go through.

I don't know, the whole worlds gone crazy! I only let the doctor check what's bothering me. For some reason, they always want to test the most popular body parts or the ones they've read the most recent articles on

If your prostate causes trouble, have it checked, otherswise, by far the best plan is to ignore it. (Ignore medically, that is; it should certainly be given a good workout frequently!)

[soundofmusic]

Its no good Atheist, Google ads will not be drawn. Just the usual Plenty Offish advert on here (which is a very strange name for a dating service I think.)

I guess those ads wouldn't be popular; I just noted a point that medical research has found that men who have their testicles removed at an early age do not have prostate trouble

[Paulclem]

I chose a small statured gay man for my gynecologist; so he kept home invasion at a minimum and I went with general anesthesia for the birth; the first thing I remember is them bringing in a lizard with 3 or 4 eyes wrapped in a blanket
ha
My wife had a dream whilst she was expecting our first that she gave birth to Charlie Drake. When he was born, she had had a general anaesthetic. As she came round I held the baby for her to see. She looked at him and said in a bleary way - OH it is Charlie Drake, and dropped off again. She denies it to this day, but it's true.

See Charlie Drake here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6paqi-oz3iA

[soundofmusic]

ha
My wife had a dream whilst she was expecting our first that she gave birth to Charlie Drake. When he was born, she had had a general anaesthetic. As she came round I held the baby for her to see. She looked at him and said in a bleary way - OH it is Charlie Drake, and dropped off again. She denies it to this day, but it's true.

See Charlie Drake here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6paqi-oz3iA

Don't you wish they had camcorders back then? You know, Charlie Drake does look like the famous Gerber baby

I wasn't sure what to expect, since I thought I had "the flu" for 9 months

[prendrelemick]

Why do wives, nurses, midwives, doctors and mother in laws expect a man to WANT to be present at the birth of his offspring? Like its a treat for them or something.

I was there for all four of mine, and it was not life-affirming, nor did it aid paternal bonding. I think I was there to suffer, after all it was all my fault!

O horrible! Most horrible!

[soundofmusic]

Why do wives, nurses, midwives, doctors and mother in laws expect a man to WANT to be present at the birth of his offspring? Like its a treat for them or something.

I was there for all four of mine, and it was not life-affirming, nor did it aid paternal bonding. I think I was there to suffer, after all it was all my fault!

O horrible! Most horrible!

Good question, I didn't even want to "be there" for the birth experience. I tried to leave, but they wouldn't start the party without me
I've heard many women claim they want their husbands to "know what it's like"; they're lucky that libido overrides the post traumatic stress

The only time that birth seemed wonderous was when I saw a C-section (as a student), everything was all draped and I was watching through big mirrors ; the doctor placed his hand behind the sheet, and out popped a baby...just like a rabbit from a hat

[The Atheist]

Its no good Atheist, Google ads will not be drawn. Just the usual Plenty Offish advert on here (which is a very strange name for a dating service I think.)

HA!

I keep getting the secret of a slim belly.

Is Google psychic?

I guess those ads wouldn't be popular; I just noted a point that medical research has found that men who have their testicles removed at an early age do not have prostate trouble

Yes, men can save themselves from all sorts of diseases by removal.

Even better, we can use Propecia and have luxurious hair and guarantee no prostate trouble!

Or use.

Why do wives, nurses, midwives, doctors and mother in laws expect a man to WANT to be present at the birth of his offspring? Like its a treat for them or something.

I was there for all four of mine, and it was not life-affirming, nor did it aid paternal bonding. I think I was there to suffer, after all it was all my fault!

O horrible! Most horrible!

That's where I am.

I have lots of friends who'd told me about the wondrous experience and how it changed their lives, tears in the eyes.....

After four birth attendances, I also felt nothing life-changing, no instant bond, no wonder at the miracle of birth.

Just a lot of tiredness and amazment that a woman can lose so much blood and not die! Oh, and an expert appreciation of episiotomy.

That was one thing which gave me a sense of wonder - here we are brought up on a diet of TV medicine with starched white coats and handsome, caring doctors. It just doesn't prepare you at all for some bloke in white gumboots grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting up your wife like a butcher trimming rump steak. Now, that was amazing.

Good question, I didn't even want to "be there" for the birth experience. I tried to leave, but they wouldn't start the party without me

I'm sure every woman who's ever had a baby has asked to go home at some stage prior to birth. It is one of the [few] funny moments.

I see all this talk of births and prostates has scared jocky off!

[Paulclem]

My wife was lucky to have had the caesarian section. One emergency one, at which I wasn't present, and a planned one at which I was, and so was she - having had the anaesthetic wear off. They soon topped her up again - local - spinal it was then. But I quite agree - a very horrible experience. Fortunately my wife is very tough.

The birth itself is an ugly and horible event to watch - much much more horrible to go through. (I'd worked in a slaughterhouse, and so was used to gore - but many are not).

It was after with this little helpless baby in your complete care that the realisation of what it all meant came through. My wife was out for the count, and they had wheeled in my first, and just left us. He started crying and I had to deal with him. That was the realisation - it's up to you - no excuses or getting out of it - yours to deal with.

[soundofmusic]

HA!

I keep getting the secret of a slim belly.


Even better, we can use Propecia and have luxurious hair and guarantee no prostate trouble!

Or use.

That's where I am.



I'm sure every woman who's ever had a baby has asked to go home at some stage prior to birth. It is one of the [few] funny moments.

I see all this talk of births and prostates has scared jocky off!

I don't know, Propecia is supposed to make your boys hurt
So, how does google say I can get a slim tummy; jogging is just making my legs thinner
I planned the whole birth thing around my OB's golf game. Those OB nurses are horrid, they get you on an IV drip and then come after you with razor blades, enemas...I fully expected to leave the hospital with a mohawk
Nah, Jocky wouldn't run at a few caboose stories, would he

[QUOTE=Paulclem;858733

It was after with this little helpless baby in your complete care that the realisation of what it all meant came through. My wife was out for the count, and they had wheeled in my first, and just left us. He started crying and I had to deal with him. That was the realisation - it's up to you - no excuses or getting out of it - yours to deal with.[/QUOTE]

I never realized what this stuff was like for the dads. I think I'd sneak in a bottle and a few valium
It is amazing that you felt so comfortable with your first. My daughter cried everytime I picked her up. I couldn't quite get the hang of holding those squirmy, big-headed, floppy, skinny -legged things

[Paulclem]

I never realized what this stuff was like for the dads. I think I'd sneak in a bottle and a few valium
It is amazing that you felt so comfortable with your first. My daughter cried everytime I picked her up. I couldn't quite get the hang of holding those squirmy, big-headed, floppy, skinny -legged things

I was lucky in that I had four siblings all younger than me.

Now as Easter approaches, the birds are singing and demanding food - and I've been putting together a faux lampost birdfeeder thing for my Mother in law. I managed to stab myself with my crossheaded screwdriver in the palm. I rejected the idea that this DIY stigmata was a religious sign, but it did remind me of the pain-fun we used to have as irresponsible young men.

Did you do a lot of that - inflicting funny pain on each other? I remember fondly my mates going through a phase of giving each other kidney punches - God knows why - and the laughter that ensued.

I remember another instance when a friend of ours - Slazzer - declared that he was physically unable to make himself sick. I laughed and laughed as two of my brutal friends attempted to make him spew. Neither punching in the stomach nor five of my mate's meaty fingers down the throat could gain a result, so they gave up. We did laugh.

If you are reading this Soundof, then please don't be shocked. It is normal for young men to act like this.

Which brings me to Jackass. It's probably a good job that we never saw anything like this when I was younger. It still makes me laugh, and makes me think that despite being a pillar, (pillock my wife says), of society, that I miss this blokey raucousness a bit.

Don't watch this link Soundof, it is truly disgusting.

It is Steve-O's face that cracks me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv_eUI9cF40


Do you guys miss the fun-pain thing? Note - I have never been into SM. That is quite different.

[prendrelemick]

Not really Paul. Me and my mates had a phase of knuckling each other on the top the head. Intensley painful this male bonding.

We also had some sadistic teachers- like Stan the maths teacher, who would gentley take hold of your sideburns and pull upwards. Or Mr (Kill or) Cure, who would stand you on a chair take a good grip of your hair and invite you to jump. At least Thommo, the deputy head, just gave you an honest roughing up.

At a younger age we used to play Splitsies, a game of few rules which involved throwing knives at each other's feet.

[Paulclem]

Not really Paul. Me and my mates had a phase of knuckling each other on the top the head. Intensley painful this male bonding.

We also had some sadistic teachers- like Stan the maths teacher, who would gentley take hold of your sideburns and pull upwards. Or Mr (Kill or) Cure, who would stand you on a chair take a good grip of your hair and invite you to jump. At least Thommo, the deputy head, just gave you an honest roughing up.

At a younger age we used to play Splitsies, a game of few rules which involved throwing knives at each other's feet.

Perhaps I'm looking at it with rose tinteds. We played stretch -a version of your splitsies. I remember the sadistic teachers too. Mr Clarke - our form teacher used to hang around the classroom door and drag in unfortunate kids he caught running to wallop with his pump. He was like the ogre out of the three billy goats gruff, just in a classroom.

The music teacher would do the sideburns thing. He looked like the Milky Bar Kid as well. Perhaps he'd been bullied at school.

[prendrelemick]

I keep remembering male- bonding- friendly- pain episodes. There was the phase of dead legging, stabbing hands with pencils and scraping metal combs across the knuckles.

But sneaking up and knuckleing each other on the top of the head from behind was favourite. My mate Simon once did this to someone he thought was me, but was actually someone bigger and harder and NOT his mate. He was subsequently beaten up. -Laugh! we nearly died.