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Thread: Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

  1. #2311
    Orwellian The Atheist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prendrelemick View Post
    However Jocky is right, we lost the heirloom of our house at Bannockburn, an ancient sword forged from a phrenologists measuring device and named Excaliper. On being approaced by a large, hairy and very mercenary Scotsman, my ancestor decided to preseve the family jewels, he threw Excaliper at him, turned and ran, with the words- "Hwaet! Ye can only leave via the gift shop!" ringing in his ears..
    Reminds me of our family crest.

    The whip used on my great-great uncle George when he was whipped for stealing a pie, the vicar's rosary from my great x5 grandmother, the well known whore of Kensington who, despite living in the welfareless 1500s managed to raise nine children on her own in a very nice house, both surmounted by the poor house my great-great-great grandparents were moved to under the Poor Law.
    Go to work, get married, have some kids, pay your taxes, pay your bills, watch your tv, follow fashion, act normal, obey the law and repeat after me: "I am free."

    Anon

  2. #2312
    Registered User prendrelemick's Avatar
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    What would your personal crest be, symbolizing your life so far?

    Mine would be embarrasingly sparse, perhaps a sheep-rampant, a pair of wellies that sort of thing. In fact if I went back 5 generations it wouldn't be much different. We Prendres are a settled lot.

  3. #2313
    sound of music soundofmusic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prendrelemick View Post

    Sounds: is Granola as bad as it sounds.
    Granola is a food from the gods: a mix of oats, honey, and raisins baked and eaten alone or atop less exciting cereal or on yogurt. There are also versions with macadamia nuts and coconut, cinnamon apples and pecans, some have sesame seeds or flaxseed...
    Quote Originally Posted by The Atheist View Post
    Reminds me of our family crest.

    The whip used on my great-great uncle George when he was whipped for stealing a pie, the vicar's rosary from my great x5 grandmother, the well known whore of Kensington who, despite living in the welfareless 1500s managed to raise nine children on her own in a very nice house, both surmounted by the poor house my great-great-great grandparents were moved to under the Poor Law.
    Such a sad thing that we have no such tradition and family crest in America As uncle George was such a bad thief, did he ever consider becoming a pimp, I would think it was in his genes and much more lucrative

  4. #2314
    Orwellian The Atheist's Avatar
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    Here, in fact, is the crest itself:



    The writing is a little unclear, so here it is:

    By order of Her Most Excellent Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, you have been re-settled under the Act for the Relief of the Poor, in the year of our Lord 1601.

    That Liz, she was a real socialist!

    Quote Originally Posted by prendrelemick View Post
    What would your personal crest be, symbolizing your life so far?
    That's a good question.

    A horse-racing photo finish, a bookie's board showing outside odds, a pair of fingers in "V" shape to wave at the world.

    And an empty box of condoms.

    Quote Originally Posted by soundofmusic View Post
    Such a sad thing that we have no such tradition and family crest in America As uncle George was such a bad thief, did he ever consider becoming a pimp, I would think it was in his genes and much more lucrative
    Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

    I've always wanted to own a brothel.
    Go to work, get married, have some kids, pay your taxes, pay your bills, watch your tv, follow fashion, act normal, obey the law and repeat after me: "I am free."

    Anon

  5. #2315
    sound of music soundofmusic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Atheist View Post

    I've always wanted to own a brothel.
    Is there much call for brothels and topless bars in your area? In my economically depressed area: while auto companies, shopping malls and banks go out of business; the topless bars are stronger than ever.

  6. #2316
    Registered User prendrelemick's Avatar
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    My family Motto:- Iam tunc , quis vos teneo?

    (Nah then, what dost th' know?) Its an invitation to stop a while, lean upon a gate and catch up with a neighbour. I reckon our family has done alot of that over the years.


    We went round a stately home a few years ago, and found it had been owned by a family with the same name as ours, AND with the same spelling, which is unusual. But what really got my attention was a document that was on display, exempting the family from paying Taxes in perpetuity, in return for a loan given to Edward the Second.

    Should I mention that in this years Tax Return.?
    Last edited by prendrelemick; 02-25-2010 at 02:53 AM.

  7. #2317
    sound of music soundofmusic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prendrelemick View Post
    My family Motto:- Iam tunc , quis vos teneo?

    (Nah then, what dost th' know?) Its an invitation to stop a while, lean upon a gate and catch up with a neighbour. I reckon our family has done alot of that over the years.


    We went round a stately home a few years ago, and found it had been owned by a family with the same name as ours, AND with the same spelling, which is unusual. But what really got my attention was a document that was on display, exempting the family from paying Taxes in perpetuity, in return for a loan given to Edward the Second.

    Should I mention that in this years Tax Return.?
    I like that, though I would prefer if you have a rocking chair or invite me into the house for a cup of tea.

    What is Englands position on Eddie 2, I don't know, but I would want to know just what type of services were rendered to get all those years of tax exemption

  8. #2318
    Registered User jocky's Avatar
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    We could not afford a coat of arms but we do have the family song which some of you may recognise;

    Macdonaldus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.
    Et in hot fundo nonnullas boves domisticus habuit E-I-E-I-O.
    Cum moo moo hic, et cum moo moo ibi, hic una moo, ibi una moo, ubique una moo moo.
    Macdonalduus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.

    Impressive eh !

  9. #2319
    sound of music soundofmusic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jocky View Post
    We could not afford a coat of arms but we do have the family song which some of you may recognise;

    Macdonaldus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.
    Et in hot fundo nonnullas boves domisticus habuit E-I-E-I-O.
    Cum moo moo hic, et cum moo moo ibi, hic una moo, ibi una moo, ubique una moo moo.
    Macdonalduus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.

    Impressive eh !
    Will your talents never cease; a great translator as well

  10. #2320
    Registered User jocky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soundofmusic View Post

    What is Englands position on Eddie 2
    It is a horrible tale to relate, his fate involved a table, a hollow instrument and a red hot poker inserted in his fundament, allegedly. It all took place in an ancient pile called Berkely castle. This is how the English treated the gay community in olden times. His last words were " I wish I had never met that Piers Gaveston, aaaagh that's hot. "

  11. #2321
    Orwellian The Atheist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soundofmusic View Post
    Is there much call for brothels and topless bars in your area? In my economically depressed area: while auto companies, shopping malls and banks go out of business; the topless bars are stronger than ever.
    Actually, brothels are legal here and business is booming.

    Something to do with Viagra, apparently.

    Quote Originally Posted by prendrelemick View Post
    Should I mention that in this years Tax Return.?
    Certainly!

    Quote Originally Posted by jocky View Post
    It is a horrible tale to relate, his fate involved a table, a hollow instrument and a red hot poker inserted in his fundament, allegedly. It all took place in an ancient pile called Berkely castle. This is how the English treated the gay community in olden times. His last words were " I wish I had never met that Piers Gaveston, aaaagh that's hot. "
    Ah, the Empire has such a good record in keeping the dirty pillow-biters, brown-hatters and other sodomites out of society.

    Oscar Wilde, Alan Turing... how much better off would the world have been if they'd been drowned at birth?
    Go to work, get married, have some kids, pay your taxes, pay your bills, watch your tv, follow fashion, act normal, obey the law and repeat after me: "I am free."

    Anon

  12. #2322
    Registered User jocky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Atheist View Post

    Oscar Wilde, Alan Turing... how much better off would the world have been if they'd been drowned at birth?
    Unfortunately Atheist, the old taboos are still alive and kicking. Turing was a bit of an enigma but had a huge input in defeating the Germans and Oscar managed to dissect the upper classes with consummate ease.
    Last edited by jocky; 02-25-2010 at 08:39 PM. Reason: Dyslexia again, that combined with dyscalcula does not make life easy

  13. #2323
    Registered User prendrelemick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soundofmusic View Post
    I like that, though I would prefer if you have a rocking chair or invite me into the house for a cup of tea.

    What is Englands position on Eddie 2, I don't know, but I would want to know just what type of services were rendered to get all those years of tax exemption


    He was giving out those exemptions out like confetti, he needed the money to keep those troublesome Jocks in a suitably downtrodden state.

  14. #2324
    Registered User jocky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prendrelemick View Post
    He was giving out those exemptions out like confetti, he needed the money to keep those troublesome Jocks in a suitably downtrodden state.
    It was tragic, nothing worked out for the guy. He should have stuck to thatching and sailing. Now his old man and his son, that was a different story. They knew how to burn, pillage and scrap.

  15. #2325
    sound of music soundofmusic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jocky View Post
    It is a horrible tale to relate, his fate involved a table, a hollow instrument and a red hot poker inserted in his fundament, allegedly. It all took place in an ancient pile called Berkely castle. This is how the English treated the gay community in olden times. His last words were " I wish I had never met that Piers Gaveston, aaaagh that's hot. "
    I have always been curious about the guys behind those hot pokers

    Quote Originally Posted by The Atheist View Post
    Actually, brothels are legal here and business is booming.

    Something to do with Viagra, apparently.
    Certainly!
    Ah, the Empire has such a good record in keeping the dirty pillow-biters, brown-hatters and other sodomites out of society.

    Oscar Wilde, Alan Turing... how much better off would the world have been if they'd been drowned at birth?
    My god man, is nothing banned down your way; how would a dishonest American make a few bucks if everything is legalized

    I think poor Oscar wishes he would have stayed with women. It's not as if Alfred was all that different from the Mrs...was there that much of a difference prone and in the dark

    Quote Originally Posted by prendrelemick View Post
    He was giving out those exemptions out like confetti, he needed the money to keep those troublesome Jocks in a suitably downtrodden state.
    Well, like my dear old mum used to say; always keep your drawers on and the Jockys outside the castle
    Quote Originally Posted by jocky View Post
    It was tragic, nothing worked out for the guy. He should have stuck to thatching and sailing. Now his old man and his son, that was a different story. They knew how to burn, pillage and scrap.
    Have you ever heard that Edward I was tied to a horse after death and taken into battle?
    Last edited by soundofmusic; 02-26-2010 at 12:01 AM.

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