That's very nice of you to say, Juniper; I'm really flattered. I wish I could repay you the compliment and tell you I have a crush on you, too. But I can't, because I DON'T like you. I don't like you AT ALL. Here's why:
Over the years, I've developed crushes on a few of the female posters here at litnet (hey, I've been here a long time, a man gets lonely amongst all these games and discussions

). But every time I've developed an admiration for someone here, something very curious happens:
She disappears.
Vanishes. *poof*….gone without a trace. And before you think that they were fleeing in horror at the gruesome prospect of being Basil's object of affection, you should know that I never told any of them I had a crush. Never mentioned it. Nor did I start acting creepy towards them (well, no more creepy than the sort of constant rate of creepiness I project towards everyone). Heck, I barely
talked to these women. No, somehow I "crushed" these ladies out of litnet existence by simply having a festering fondness towards them in my heart; just thinking it made it so. Sure, it's possible they just stopped coming to the forum; maybe real world concerns caught up with them. But what if it's something more sinister, more
Twilight Zone-y? Those girls could be orbiting Pluto in the fourth dimension right now for all I know.
So you see the terrible burden I'm under? Any wayward affectionate thought on my part could have devastating consequences. Children could lose their mothers. Parents could lose their daughters. And it would all be my fault.
So in closing, I would like to reiterate: JuniperWoolf, I don't think you're smart, clever, or funny. Your posts are nothing special. You mean
nothing to me. And there may another poster or two whom I hold in the same level of disdain as I do you. And whom I DEFINITELY don't have a crush on.