Hope you are having a great day (as well as many lovely gifts!)
An interview with TheFifthElement:
Why are we doing this interview thing?
I think you might have asked me, and I might have said yes. Something like that.
Are you sure you want to do this?
I’m never sure. Certainty is for crazy people.
Are you male or female?
Female.
What is your name (if you don't mind sharing it with us)?
Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat
Got milk?
No I am not currently lactating, thank goodness.
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Whoever it was, it definitely wasn’t me and you can’t prove otherwise.
If you had a personal theme song what would it be?
Just one song? I’d like a whole symphony.
What makes you keep coming back to the Forum?
Weakness.
It has been a year since the last interview. What have been the high and low points?
Hmm, that’s a really difficult question to answer. There have been a couple of rough events this year, but in a strange way they’ve also been my high points. Earlier this year the company I work for announced a number of job losses, 1200 in total, and my team was affected by a restructure which resulted in a loss of a number of jobs and a portion of the work we did at the time. It was hard on the team. Not only did they have to face the prospect of losing their job, but they also had to face the prospect of ending up in a job they didn’t want as the more interesting part of the work was being moved to another team. I felt responsible, as though I’d let the team down though I know that wasn’t the case. Taking the redundancies from my team was the easy choice, because we had the most inexperienced people. Fortunately most of the redundancies were voluntary. On the day the announcement came through I got hit by a car on my way home, I just pulled out in front of it on my bike and it hit me. I didn’t do it on purpose, I just wasn’t thinking, my head was elsewhere. When the car was coming towards me I had this strange, zen-like moment when I just accepted everything and I wasn’t afraid, in fact my mind was completely blank. It was a strange feeling. I hobbled home with my front wheel wrecked and when I got home I hugged my hubby and my kids and felt glad to be alive.
It’s probably hard to see how this could be a good thing, but after the worst was over the team settled down and everyone is more positive now. I’ve been able to take some time to review my career development and after some discussion with the management team I’ve been able to agree a move into another team, into a job which is probably the perfect job for me. If the remit of my team hadn’t changed I’d still be needed in my current role and I’d still be so busy that I couldn’t think about the future. I’m starting the new job in January and I’m really looking forward to it. So what started out as something terrible has become something good.
My second high/low, whatever, is that I’ve recently discovered that it’s very likely I have chronic kidney disease. It’s borderline and there’s still a couple of tests to do, but it seems very likely. It’s a scary message to get; there’s nothing you can do to fix your kidneys when they’re broken, you can’t diet or exercise them better; the only option is monitor and manage. At the same time I think it’s woken me up. I’ve realised I need to get on with living. I’ve been safe, I’ve been careful. I’ve eaten healthily and I exercise and I’ve always been careful and responsible and yet those things aren’t going to save me. I can’t stop the march of time, I can’t stop my body from decaying and aging and breaking down. But I can make sure that my life has exuberance and joy, not just routine and responsibility. I’m still young, and I can still enjoy myself. This little health scare really brought that home. I’m glad of that.
Bet you weren’t expecting an answer that long
The best and worst books you have read during last year?
I’ve been lucky, I’ve read so many good books this year. I’d say two in particular have really stood out: Grendel by John Gardner and Lost Paradise by Cees Nooteboom. They’re both short but intense books and I read them both more than once. But apart from those two I’ve discovered some fantastic authors: Halldor Laxness, J M Coetzee, Knut Hamsun, J G Ballard, Ray Bradbury, Jose Saramago, Emile Zola, Simone de Beauvoir. In fact, The Woman Destroyed by de Beauvoir is an amazing and very affecting book. So three books have been really great.
I don’t think I’ve read a bad book this year, but the one I enjoyed the least was The Body Artist by Don Delillo. It was just a bit dreary.
The biggest surprises of the past year (both pleasant and unpleasant)?
It’s really hard to surprise me. I guess my high/low points are probably the closest.
What has been the biggest change in your life since your last birthday?
Hmm, hard to say. I guess I’ve become less driven or perhaps more peaceful and settled. I’ve sorted out our finances, which were in pretty rough shape. Now the house is in my name and all the bills are my responsibility, as my husband freelances and takes care of the kids so doesn’t have a steady income. It still feels like a technical change though, as apart from the legal side nothing else has really changed.
Do you feel comfortable in your walk with God/atheism?
Well, here’s the thing. Deists walk down one path, and atheists walk down another. Agnostics on the other hand see a multitude of paths and it’s so impossible to decide which path is the right one that we just decide to sit down on the nearest grassy hillock and watch as everyone else runs off down those two well worn paths.
Both deism and atheism seem very limiting to me.
Do you have any pets? What are their names?
There’s a cat which we call Richard that lives with us.
Given the option, what animal would you choose to be?
I’m happy being the human variety.
How did you meet your significant other?
We met at an archery club.
What is the one thing you must do before you die?
Oh there’s nothing, nothing I think I need to do before I die. I suppose I’d like to get a book published and I’d like to go to Japan, but if I don’t it doesn’t matter. I’ve achieved peacefulness about my life, I guess so long as I can hold on to that there’s nothing more I need.
Do you believe in ghosts?
Nope.
What is your role in an emergency situation: the 911 dialer, the person who runs to the scene to help, the video recorder, or the person too overcome by shock to do anything?
I definitely wouldn’t dial 911 as that’d be no use in UK. I’d probably be the person who runs to the scene to help because I prefer to be doing something than nothing, but it’d depend on the circumstances I guess. It’s very hard to predict what you’d do in that sort of a situation. I recently read a book called Underground by Haruki Murakami, which is about the Tokyo subway gas attacks. He collates a number of survivor accounts which are absolutely fascinating. So many people just went on to work even though they were sick and there were people collapsing all around them. I bet they didn’t expect they’d do that.
What song is in your head at the moment?
Well, my daughter is playing Super Smash Brothers on the Wii so it’s the theme tune to that. Very annoying.
Which book are you reading at the moment?
The Gospel According to Jesus Christ by Jose Saramago. I’ve read a few of Saramago’s books this year and he’s pretty good. I’d very much recommend The Cave.
The last book you finished reading?
I just read The Unlimited Dream Company by J G Ballard. It’s a fascinating read; very trippy and passionate. Very Ballard.
What are you wearing at the moment?
Jeans and a pink jumper. I think it’s exactly the same as last year. I don’t expand my wardrobe very often.
Favorite TV shows?
We just finished re-watching the new series of Battlestar Galactica which is absolutely brilliant. I can’t recommend it enough. Other than that I’m not that fussed about TV, though the new BBC wildlife series, Life, is phenomenal as they always are.
Which LitNet members would you like to meet in person if you could?
I’d be very nervous meeting people I met online. That being said there are so many people I like here: Helga, Sleepywitch, firefangled, Qimmissung, Sophia, Ampoule, Virgil, Pendragon, Bakiryu, Jozanny, BeccaT. In fact I’d love to go out with BeccaT and her friends; I think she’s got a real good handle on how to experience life. She could goth me up and I’d do my best not to look and act like their trying-to-be-trendy Mum!
Favorite post on the Forum?
None spring to mind.
Favorite thread?
Again, none spring to mind. I’ve become a lot less active over the last 12 months.
Last food did you have?
A toasted sandwich made with cheese, ham and Baxters tomato chutney. Delicious.
Last words you said out loud?
Wow! You’re making short work of that fruit aren’t you?
Last person you hugged/kissed?
My daughter.
What question would you like to ask yourself?
Why don’t you give up, forget it?
What should you be doing at the moment instead of answering these questions?
Nothing. It’s Sunday and for a change I have absolutely nothing to do but what I choose to do.
Last dream you remember having?
You know what, I can’t remember one? I used to have really vivid dreams and I used to remember them, but now I don’t remember so much. That being said, I often associate dream remembering with times of stress or difficulty, like just before exams and things like that, and I don’t feel so stressed anymore. Plus I gave up caffeine and I sleep a lot better than I used to. Shame though, my dreams were always pretty interesting.
What is your most bizarre book memory?
I wouldn’t say I had any bizarre book memories. I have good book memories. I remember lying in a hammock at the dog-end of summer, in the spare 1 ½ hours I had before I had to pick up my son from school, with the sun warming my face and builders hammering all around me and reading Mr Gololightly’s Holiday by Salley Vickers and thinking it was about the most blissful moment ever.
Who is your best friend and how long you have known them?
My husband is my best friend. I think that’s what makes our marriage work so well.
If you had to lose one of your senses, which would you choose and why?
Sight. I think we rely on it disproportionately and forget that what we see is an illusion.
Are you mostly happy with life or are you still in pursuit?
I’m happy.
How often do you tell lies?
Every moment of every day. Every moment when I rely on prior experience is a lie. The whole of human life is constructed on lies and assumptions.
What gives your life meaning?
I do. Whatever I decide is important that’s what gives it meaning. In a sense I suppose I don’t think that my life has meaning, I don’t need to find a reason to be here, I am here and that’s enough. My kids are important to me, but I wouldn’t say they gave my life meaning. I wouldn’t put them or anyone else under that kind of pressure. They enrich my life, and remind me how important it is to allow people the scope to explore what it is about life that gives it meaning to them, and that we’re here for a short time and in that time we’re offered the benefit of the pleasure of each other and we should see it as that. Through them I learned not to be possessive, they taught me that there’s nothing I can own other than myself (and even that is an illusion) and by trying to cling to things, or force them to bend to our will, we only damage whatever it is we’re trying to keep hold of. I value those lessons. I’ve found life a lot more peaceful since I learned them.
There are things that are important to me. I think happiness is important, I think kindness is important and I think freedom is important. I don’t want to place constraints on other people and I don’t want them to place constraints on me. I think it’s important to be consistent and true to myself and to try not to cause harm to other people in so far as this is possible. I also think it’s important to be honest about where I transgress on those points. I don’t care if people like me if to be liked means I have to compromise on any of those things. I think empathy is very important and yet sadly lacking in the world. I know I am both victim and villain, but very few people admit to that. That sort of honesty, self-honesty, is very important to me. Perhaps that sounds strange in light of my answer to the previous question.
But I also think that the things which are important can be easily changed. Those are the things I value now, but if I was hungry I would value a good meal. Maybe I would compromise my other principles to get to it, so if I was starving I would steal even though the idea of stealing now would be very much against my principles of not causing harm to others.
So I guess meaning is transient and fleeting, like all things in life. Not a simple question.
What type of Faerie would you like to be and why?
Um, I have no desire to be a faerie. Strange question.
If you were a colour, what colour would you be and why?
Why choose one when you can be many? If I were forced to choose I would choose white because white encompasses all colours, and wait for the pedantic person to tell me that white isn’t a colour.
What makes you laugh?
My husband, my kids. They are all very spontaneous and a bit clever and a bit cynical so they make funny observations. I make myself laugh too. Doesn’t everyone?
What was the happiest period of your life and why?
I think I’m still in it. I’m generally quite happy, or content perhaps, whichever. I have a pretty cushy life. I’ve got a lovely family. I don’t have any great desires which aren’t being satisfied. Sure there are things I’d like to do, but there’s nothing burning inside me which I feel I desperately need to do. Goodness that makes me sound so horribly boring, and I probably am.
If you could be a disney character who or what would you be and why?
I’d be whichever Disney character committed suicide because I can think of nothing worse to be than a Disney character. Ugh.
Do those animated smilies ever get tired? Think of them day after day, dancing or crashing computers or laughing or crying till the end of time...
Exhausted I’m sure. The kind thing to do would be to put them out of their misery.
One thing you would like to do before your next birthday?
Well, my stepson’s wife is expecting a baby imminently so I’m going to be a granny soon. I’d like to get to know the child as well as I can before my next birthday.
Did you answer all of the question?
What do you think?
One final word of wisdom for LitNet users?
Relinquish control and your desire for control, and you and the whole world will be better off for it.
What would you like to ask to the person to be interviewed after you?
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?
Reply With Quote
"It's so mysterious, the land of tears." 
And it's true, you are so peaceful. I can never rattle you, no matter how much i try. 
