Personal and Anonymous

[OrphanPip]

Well if they're already someone you talk to online, you have an in. I don't see any reason why they would reject any friendly conversation if they'll talk to you online. Start small, talking to someone can be difficult at first but it gets easier with time.

Since, this question came from a female member, I hope you're fairly confident of the orientation of this girl, otherwise that can get a little awkward.

[Scheherazade]

I think Pip makes a good point that it is important to find out her orientation and also let her know your orientation as well so that there are no misunderstandings that might hurt/upset either parties later on.

[Maximilianus]

What should I do?

What you fear the most, that is, go ask her.

I'm afraid of rejection

Me too, that's why I'm alone everyday. The fear of rejection must be fought instead of fed. Unfortunately, to our grief, most lonely beings do the latter.

she's so beautiful and intelligent too, more so than me

There's not a single definition for beauty. Therefore, there are many definitions for beauty and you surely comply with one or more of them.

and I don't think she'd like someone like me, a short, dark-skinned Germany-loving kid.

You won't know unless you find out.

I don't even know if she feels a flicker of attractiong for me. Help![/i]

As I suggested before, you'll never know unless you ask her. I think we should do what we fear the most, that is, we should find out how others feel towards us. For example you could start finding out her orientation, as Pip and Scher suggested, and then you would have something to begin with. If her orientation is the same as yours, you can find a way to move on, like trying to spend more time near her and establish a relationship. Remember that one step takes you closer to the next one.

[SleepyWitch]

You could also think about whether you'd like to be "just" friends with her if her orientation isn't the same as yours. If you do think you could be friends, that might help you cope with the possibility of rejection. I.e. if she rejects you orientation-wise you could still be friends and maybe you'll be best friends someday, which would be something to work towards, wouldn't it?

[Bakiryu]

I thought this was supposed to be updated tuesdays.....

[Maximilianus]

I've been thinking that it would be nice to know if the person with the problem found a solution, be it through advice on this thread or not

[Scheherazade]

I've been thinking that it would be nice to know if the person with the problem found a solution, be it through advice on this thread or not

Good idea.

I will see if they would like to share anything.

[Maximilianus]

Good idea.

I will see if they would like to share anything.

Okay Scher, thank you.

[Scheherazade]

The reply I have received:

Actually she is gay, she's bisexual.
However, I was speaking to her on facebook and she thinks that high school is not the best time for a relationship. She's going to wait since "no one in our high school is good enough". She has no idea I like her however and I'm trying to be friends.

[Maximilianus]

Many people who first say "not good enough" eventually change their minds. I would suggest a slow beginning, be it friendship for example, and moving on little by little, to see what happens. Hasting relationships is seldom advisable. Patience may work.

[Scheherazade]

Here's another letter:

So there are a couple people I really like...but it seems I'm totaly not important to them. and the two that act like im important are unavailable for one reason or another... One I have been with before they are 21 and never have time for me, but always have time for everyone else, and I have caught them in several lies. The next is 31 and very sucsesfull, but sometimes he will talk to me, others he completly ignores me and I'm not sure how he feels about me. The third is the most complicated he is amazing and flirts all the time, he has a girlfriend that he has left 'for me' 3 times, but we never get together and he always goes back to her its like this never ending game he plays. the last is 30 lives like 3 hours away claims to love me and want a future together, but I know he still has Fbuddies and hits on women all the time...

So do I tell them all to F off? Are they all just playing with my emotions? UGH! men are complicated. any help...

[The Comedian]

This last one, the "amazing" one -- bad news. He's playing you; he's playing his girlfriend; he's playing the other girls he's flirting with. If you value your heart, stay far away.

The middle boy, the one who "ignores" you -- I think he's your real wild card here. You have to see if he's shy or has has a self-esteem issue. Men can be very intimidated by women. Maybe he's just not sure he measures up to you. Or maybe he's an arrogant hot-head. Further research is needed.

The first boy, the liar -- stay away. This seems like he's giving you the friends routine.

[Maximilianus]

I mostly agree with Comedian's suggestions. I too believe the second guy should be more assessed. Regarding the other two, just get rid of them for good. Men like them are only capable of tarnishing the male condition, and because of them, many women believe that every man is flawed.

[Mathor]

Here's another letter:

from your description, they pretty much all suck. If someone only gives you the time of day when it's convenient for them, they're not worth you emotionally investing yourself and giving them what you're not getting back. The more you put into it and fail to recieve the thought and attention you need, the more you will end up getting hurt in the end.

Since my advice is to ditch these losers completely, what I would do is give one of them the benefit of the doubt. Tell them how you feel, what's bothering you, and why it hurts you to be treated the way you are. If the person pretty much blows you off, then you know you were right (that they are not worth your time) and can walk away. If the person makes a promise to change, perhaps they'll mean what they say and finally start treating you the way you desire them to.


EDIT: And comedian, I wouldn't say the 31 year old is the wildcard here, none of them are. I don't think the person who wrote this letter is any older than 21, so that's a 10 year age difference. The person who wrote this is putting too much attention into people that probably deserve much less time than they are being given.

[The Comedian]

from your description, they pretty much all suck. If someone only gives you the time of day when it's convenient for them, they're not worth you emotionally investing yourself and giving them what you're not getting back. The more you put into it and fail to recieve the thought and attention you need, the more you will end up getting hurt in the end.

Since my advice is to ditch these losers completely, what I would do is give one of them the benefit of the doubt. Tell them how you feel, what's bothering you, and why it hurts you to be treated the way you are. If the person pretty much blows you off, then you know you were right (that they are not worth your time) and can walk away. If the person makes a promise to change, perhaps they'll mean what they say and finally start treating you the way you desire them to.


EDIT: And comedian, I wouldn't say the 31 year old is the wildcard here, none of them are. I don't think the person who wrote this letter is any older than 21, so that's a 10 year age difference. The person who wrote this is putting too much attention into people that probably deserve much less time than they are being given.

Sage advise here. All of it.