Five Books Nobody Should Read

[Scheherazade]

R e m i n d e r

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[Desolation]

Hmmm, this argument looks startlingly familiar...

Candide is one of my top 10 favorites, but everyone has their own opinions.

Now, just for fun, here are 5 books that I don't think that anyone should read:
1. The Bible, sorry stluke, it might have a lot of literary merit, but it also has incredibly bad results when people start to really grasp onto it, especially when it's stories and metaphors are taken literally. The Qur'an has similar problems. If we could get to a point where these books can be studied and appreciated without them becoming dogma, then that would be different.
2. The Twilight Saga
3. The Book of Mormon
4. Atlas Shrugged
5. Anything by L. Ron Hubbard

[Red-Headed]

Hmmm, this argument looks startlingly familiar...

Candide is one of my top 10 favorites, but everyone has their own opinions.

I think I may have to learn French & read it in its original. A friend of mine similarly hates Camus' La Peste even though he read it in French. I have only ever read it in translation & quite liked it. Humour is often cultural & doesn't always translate.

1. The Bible, sorry stluke, it might have a lot of literary merit, but it also has incredibly bad results when people start to really grasp onto it, especially when it's stories and metaphors are taken literally. The Qur'an has similar problems. If we could get to a point where these books can be studied and appreciated without them becoming dogma, then that would be different.

Yes, tendentious dogmatism has a lot to answer for. I'm not religious (well, maybe a bit Zen at times) but I would like to point out that the letters of Paul did influence the development of early English epistolary novels like Richardson's Pamela & Clarissa.

[Noisms]

1. The Bible, sorry stluke, it might have a lot of literary merit, but it also has incredibly bad results when people start to really grasp onto it, especially when it's stories and metaphors are taken literally. The Qur'an has similar problems. If we could get to a point where these books can be studied and appreciated without them becoming dogma, then that would be different.

I'm not a Christian, but the Bible and its contents are a cornerstone of Western civilisation. It's probably the most important single book ever written (or collated). Disagree with it if you like, but I think it's a little perverse to argue that nobody should read it.

To make a not-very-good analogy, I also wouldn't say that people shouldn't read Mein Kampf. (Not that I'm comparing the Bible to that work.) It's an odious and idiotic screed but a work of profound influence. That gives it historical interest if nothing else.

My 5 would be:

1. Amsterdam by Ian McEwan (sp?). Just a genuinely terrible and silly ending.
2. The Earthsea books. I like Le Guin, but those novels did nothing for me.
3. Any of the Malazan Book of the Fallen by Stephen Erikson (sp?). They're interminably long without pay-off, full of dislikable characters.
4. Finnegan's Wake. The emperor has no clothes.
5. Any of the Star Trek spinoff novels, especially the ones penned by William Shatner.

[Etienne]

Well, I didn't find Candide funny either. Maybe it's a cultural thing. I sprinkled vinegar on my chips (or pommie fritters as they call them in France or something) once dining with French friends of mine. They reacted very strangely & wondered what the strange *Roast Beef was doing. I had to explain to them that in my country the sprinkling of vinegar on chips (or pommie fritters) is quite a common thing. They were quite astounded by this revelation. I thought this was rather strange for a race who eat amphibian limbs.


*A French term for an Englishman based on the slightly bizarre French notion that the English live predominantly on a diet of roast beef & mustard. This isn't strictly true as sometimes we eat Marmite sandwiches.

When a French and an English discuss food, the English is bound to lose...

Come on, the only thing you can find to sneer at is eating frog legs, which, by the way, are delicious. Besides vinegar on chips is disgusting (actually many people do it here in Canada, but it's just disgusting, mayonnaise is the real deal, then you have ketchup and then salt, pepper and paprika). Whatever you order in England you'll always end up with a plate filled with brown stuff, of different shades. All food is brown in England...

Candide, you know, is like fruits, candies, pastries of all kinds of color, no brown dishes, no painting with a women walking in an alley bordered with trees, all shaded brown with perhaps a timorous dog. No, were talking about exhaltation, fun and colors here.

[MGK]

GOOD GOD

this thread is terrible! please, listen to NO advice given here whatsoever! ayn rand is in my opinion one of the greatest authors of all, especially her book "atlas shrugged".

PLEASE make the effort and define your own taste and opinion instead of adopting someone elses!

[Red-Headed]

My 5 would be:

1. Amsterdam by Ian McEwan (sp?). Just a genuinely terrible and silly ending.
2. The Earthsea books. I like Le Guin, but those novels did nothing for me.
3. Any of the Malazan Book of the Fallen by Stephen Erikson (sp?). They're interminably long without pay-off, full of dislikable characters.
4. Finnegan's Wake. The emperor has no clothes.
5. Any of the Star Trek spinoff novels, especially the ones penned by William Shatner.

I have never read any McEwan so I'll take your word for it. I thought the Earthsea books were juvenilia anyway, I haven't read any but I have read a few LeGuin novels. I do like her. I have heard that the Earthsea books were a very strong inspiration for the Harry Potter novels .

I admire Joyce for being able to pun in Hebrew & English at the same time in FW. I quite like it, it is hard work though. I suppose someone had to write it & it had to be Joyce. I am one of the few people on planet Earth who actually prefer it to Ulysses.

I used to love the Blish Star Trek ones when I was younger. As for anything written by Shatner...

Bill...step away from the word processor...

When a French and an English discuss food, the English is bound to lose...

Why do the French eat stale bread & jam for breakfast? I still prefer bacon, eggs & black pudding.

Come on, the only thing you can find to sneer at is eating frog legs, which, by the way, are delicious.

I can think of a lot more. I bet frog legs taste like chicken anyway.

Besides vinegar on chips is disgusting

*Faints* Blasphemy!

(actually many people do it here in Canada, but it's just disgusting, mayonnaise is the real deal, then you have ketchup and then salt, pepper and paprika).

What? No HP Sauce? I'd probably get bored with eating moose if I lived in Canada.

Whatever you order in England you'll always end up with a plate filled with brown stuff, of different shades. All food is brown in England...

Spent a long time in the UK have we? What about carrots then? OK, I admit Marmite & brown sauce are brown. It does kind of explain why it is called 'brown sauce' however.

Candide, you know, is like fruits, candies, pastries of all kinds of color, no brown dishes, no painting with a women walking in an alley bordered with trees, all shaded brown with perhaps a timorous dog. No, were talking about exhaltation, fun and colors here.

I'll take your word for it.

[Travis_R]

GOOD GOD

this thread is terrible! please, listen to NO advice given here whatsoever! ayn rand is in my opinion one of the greatest authors of all, especially her book "atlas shrugged".

PLEASE make the effort and define your own taste and opinion instead of adopting someone elses!

Buddy, are you on crack? Ayn Rand's prose and characters are terrible and her ideas hold almost no merit. That's not to say her novels shouldn't be read, but she is not "one of the greatest authors of all" as you proclaim.

As for books nobody should read, I would include Twilight on the list. I can't think of any other books right now, but I'm sure there's many.

[Red-Headed]

Well, if I've learned anything on LitNet recently it is to avoid books written by *Ayn Rand & some novels known as 'Twighlight'.

*I find her philosophy as a whole unpalatable, particularly her attitude to the utilitarian abomination knowns as laissez-faire capitalism.

[Etienne]

I can think of a lot more. I bet frog legs taste like chicken anyway.

Yes, yes, kind of.

What? No HP Sauce? I'd probably get bored with eating moose if I lived in Canada.

Actually, you'd probably like Quebec's poutine, chips with brown sauce and cheese.

Spent a long time in the UK have we? What about carrots then? OK, I admit Marmite & brown sauce are brown. It does kind of explain why it is called 'brown sauce' however.

Hey what do I know, they manage to make carrots and even tomatos brown!

But hey, good thing there's more to the UK than food (and high prices, damn pound) isn't it?

[Red-Headed]

Yes, yes, kind of.

I knew it!

Actually, you'd probably like Quebec's poutine, chips with brown sauce and cheese.

I'll try anything once. I even ate Canadian goose once. Never again, no one should have to eat goose, ever. Why are geese universally so bad tempered?

Hey what do I know, they manage to make carrots and even tomatos brown!

You must be getting snowblind or a moose has kicked you in the head.

But hey, good thing there's more to the UK than food (and high prices, damn pound) isn't it?

Yes, we have the Radio Times Christmas special. The real questions are why does Canada, a Commonwealth country, drive on the wrong side of the road & why don't you play cricket?

[Noisms]

GOOD GOD

this thread is terrible! please, listen to NO advice given here whatsoever! ayn rand is in my opinion one of the greatest authors of all, especially her book "atlas shrugged".

PLEASE make the effort and define your own taste and opinion instead of adopting someone elses!

I think it's difficult to dispute that Ayn Rand wasn't so much interested in writing novels as she was in making a political/philosophical point. That usually makes for poor fiction.

However, she is of course worth reading, because of her influence on the development of modern libertarianism. I find her books crushingly, absurdly dull and silly, but then again I could say the same about Plato. It doesn't make him any less important and the same goes for her.

[stlukesguild]

Why do the French eat stale bread & jam for breakfast? I still prefer bacon, eggs & black pudding.

I'll stick with the American stand-by: steak and eggs... preferably with Louisiana hot sauce.

no one should have to eat goose, ever.

You need to try it at a good Chinese restaurant. They hang it in a brick oven so that all the grease drips out. The end result is fabulous!

[Red-Headed]

Why do the French eat stale bread & jam for breakfast? I still prefer bacon, eggs & black pudding.

I'll stick with the American stand-by: steak and eggs... preferably with Louisiana hot sauce.

Steak for breakfast? Well, I kind of admire it in a way.

no one should have to eat goose, ever.

You need to try it at a good Chinese restaurant. They hang it in a brick oven so that all the grease drips out. The end result is fabulous!

My great-grandmother was Cantonese. There is a similar way to cook duck. I've been chased by too many geese to like them anyway. Only swans are more bad tempered & you can't even kill them as they are protected by the Crown. What the Queen wants with all of those swans I don't know. She can keep them!

[IceM]

Yes. Adopting some sort of 'tick a box' approach is going to severely constrain the kind of literature you will be able to enjoy. What is remarkable, however, is that relatively respected critics fall prey to this kind of analysis. I'm thinking in particular of James Wood's recent public tantrum over the failure of Don DeLillo to create characters which resemble those of Chekhov or Flaubert.



I don't necessarily disagree with your ultimate assessment of Bloom's book Ice. But surely the disappointment of expectations (unless those expectations relate purely to aesthetic quality) is not a reason for dismissing a book. Great literature very frequently confounds our expectations, presenting us with characters, themes and prose that present the human experience afresh and broaden the boundaries of artistic endeavour.

Yeah, I realize the constraints my type of critique will bring about when I read literature. But I'm 16, and have only read major literature for 6 years. Relatively speaking, I'm a rookie. As I diverge from just heralded "classics" and start to dive into different types of authors, styles, and plot types, I'll be forced to adjust how I evaluate novels. So in this aspect, my forms of evaluation are not concrete. But literature is a lifelong experience. I shouldn't expect my forms of criticism to be determined already.

By no means am I saying to disregard Harold Bloom's work that I mentioned above. It would better serve others who are looking for book recommendations or synopses for many well-written novels. It just didn't suit what I had expected. Like I said, it was well-written, but not quite for me.