Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[soundofmusic]

My bread may be getting a little crusty nowadays, but its still hearty.

I must admit, I would not have known your gender, but for your girly use of smilies.

I've asked administration for more smiles; I can't do emotion properly without them...
Speaking of knowing gender: I once went to visit a patient, an older lady with a fine home, husband and 2 beautiful daughters. I listened to her chest (she had a very large soft chest); I listened to her belly (very soft smooth belly) I covered her and continued: there was a big hairy man under the rest of the sheet (golf balls the size of Texas)

In the immortal words of Robert Burns you are a : ' blethering, blustering, drunken bellum ' I have got all the goods on you Gerald



And I know where you have been! MOOOO, BAAAAA.

So Jocky, tell us all the goods on Gerald and Atheist; and I still want to hear about your elephant impression....Is it anything like the towel rack impression?

[jocky]

So Jocky, tell us all the goods on Gerald and Atheist; and I still want to hear about your elephant impression....Is it anything like the towel rack impression?

My wife reckons you are a nymphomaniac, and says you should keep your hands off my towel rack, and I would never disagree with my wife, obviously. So just stick to Atheist and Mick who are clearly available and cheap, as well as being lying gits. A wee question here, are you one person, or multi's G or D? Read, Richard 111 , plenty of schizophrenic liars there. I am sure the moderators will know, nighty, night.

[soundofmusic]

My wife reckons you are a nymphomaniac, and says you should keep your hands off my towel rack, and I would never disagree with my wife, obviously. So just stick to Atheist and Mick who are clearly available and cheap, as well as being lying gits. A wee question here, are you one person, or multi's G or D? Read, Richard 111 , plenty of schizophrenic liars there. I am sure the moderators will know, nighty, night.

My dear friend Jocky, I joke with you as I do all of my friends on this forum; but I would not, for the world, offend you. You are fortunate enough to be loved by someone who sees you as you were at the beginning of your relationship (or perhaps as she imagines you are...as I loved my husband for the twenty-four years we were married; until he passed away)
I don't make excuses for the little pleasure I receive from humor; I'm 55 years old, I work 12 hour days with terminally ill people, I come home to an empty bed and I enjoy the few moments I have on the computer with all of you. I hope that you are wiser than I was during my married life; to cherish the gift of love.

[prendrelemick]

And I know where you have been! MOOOO, BAAAAA.

You're right. - Wales.

[gbrekken]

guilty as charged Jocky (though my OED doesn't help with bellum). My apologies to all for my diarrhea of the lip. I've grown unaccustomed to intelligent adult conversation after 22 years teaching secondary, the last nineteen at a Reno middle school, eight of those after my Masters. No excuses-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was a long time ago. Would Laxalt be more appropriate? I fear an Oxbow Incident coming my way before its time. Only one smile here.

[The Comedian]

If I may, I'd like to pose an important hypothetical question for discussion -- one that hits at the heart of this thread. Did I write "heart"? For shame! I meant soul of this thread.

What is the manliest drink? A cosmopolitan? Surely not. A brandy old fashion? Maybe. A gimlet? The silly name alone discredits it.

A simple Irish Whiskey and a splash of water?

[The Atheist]

You're right. - Wales.

Ah, the valleys!

guilty as charged Jocky (though my OED doesn't help with bellum). My apologies to all for my diarrhea of the lip. I've grown unaccustomed to intelligent adult conversation after 22 years teaching secondary, the last nineteen at a Reno middle school, eight of those after my Masters. No excuses-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was a long time ago. Would Laxalt be more appropriate? I fear an Oxbow Incident coming my way before its time. Only one smile here.

22 years teaching? They give VCs for five minutes under enemy fire and you've been in it for twenty two years!

Mate, I can't begin to describe how much I'd never swap with you. It's people like you, who are silly enough to take our kids off us for 3/4 of the year that preserve our sanity!

If I may, I'd like to pose an important hypothetical question for discussion -- one that hits at the heart of this thread. Did I write "heart"? For shame! I meant soul of this thread.

What is the manliest drink? A cosmopolitan? Surely not. A brandy old fashion? Maybe. A gimlet? The silly name alone discredits it.

A simple Irish Whiskey and a splash of water?

Whisky, although I will grant equal rights to whiskey as long as it's made in the Emerald Isle and isn't that awful sump residue Americans and teenagers are prone to drink.

A splash of water?

There'll be a jury on that at 8.45 pm. I believe Parker has put the black ball in the box, just in case.

Can you define how much a "splash" is?

My dear friend Jocky, I joke with you as I do all of my friends on this forum; but I would not, for the world, offend you.

Offend jocky?

You can't offend Scots. They're tight-fisted, binge-drinking, mad-scrapping, foul-mouthed Celts who pretend to be drunken Australians when the heat goes on.








And that's just some of their good points!

[prendrelemick]

No not the valleys, but here.

Llanddudno, with the rest of the clan Lemick.



Fortunately Llanddudno survived reletively unscathed.

[The Atheist]

No not the valleys, but here.

Lovely spot!

[The Atheist]

And just to cheer everyone up in the northern winter, I now offer complete, final and never-to-be-wuestioned proof that:

Men are better than women!

Teh Prewf!

Every time the debate on which gender is better, the one insurmountable problem men have hit is talking - women always claim that they're better at talking, and every time I've tried talking to one, I've been forced to agree.

Without the benefit of cloth ears or Grade 5 earmuffs, it's impossible not to be mesmerised by the sound of a woman's voice at length.

Great length.

So, ultimately, we grimpy accept the anecdotal evidence in our face and trudge away, beaten.

But not any more! What science has failed to achieve, we have achieved as a body, or should I say, cadre of men. Scientists are not generally known for their blokiness, and if you know a single scientist with the testicular fortitude to stand up to a woman, then you know one more than me.

Yet check out this very thread, a bastion of blokedom, and look at the posting history - nary a day goes by that one of us doesn't have at least one pearl of wisdom to share. And often several.

Then compare it with the paltry, feeble, sputtering effort which is the girls' thread.

After putting on my latex gloves, I had to try to find the damned thing today, to show my daughter* where it is.

Page Three! (how appropriate)

I don't know how many hundreds of threads that makes it less-important-than, but if a bunch of girls cannot even keep a discussion going in a book club, then we've won!

Just in case any of the sneaky female usurpers that come in here try to say that some of the posts in here have been made by women, rest assured my brothers that this is an invalid complaint.

That they prefer to post in here, surrounded by the smells of old leather, aftershave and open wood fires, is in itself the final nail in the coffin of the concept of equality.





Note the lack of flowers.




*What can I say; she's 10 and wants to talk books. Mea culpa, but I couldn't really ask Scher to ban her.

She is, however, under the strictest of instructions and pain of death (of her computer-time) if she ever enters the door of this place.

[Scheherazade]

I think you might be right, The Atheist.

There has been a significant increase in men's posts since Virgil post that article about internet and brain powers...

[prendrelemick]

If I may, I'd like to pose an important hypothetical question for discussion -- one that hits at the heart of this thread. Did I write "heart"? For shame! I meant soul of this thread.

What is the manliest drink? A cosmopolitan? Surely not. A brandy old fashion? Maybe. A gimlet? The silly name alone discredits it.

A simple Irish Whiskey and a splash of water?

Beeeer!!!!

Its not so much the drink as the ritual of the drink. Take canned for instance, you rip open the ring pull. not giving a damn about the splashes on the carpet, slurp noisely at the foam that emerges, then pour it down the throat, head back to show off your well developed adams apple glugging loudly up and down, until the can is drained. On finishing you go, "Ahhh, I needed that."(As though you have had a hard day working up a man's thirst by performing manly tasks.)then you belch loudly and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. If you are feeling particularly macho, crush the can with your bare hands and pitch it across the room so that it ricochets off the wall and into the waste bin.

[jocky]

Offend jocky?

You can't offend Scots. They're tight-fisted, binge-drinking, mad-scrapping, foul-mouthed Celts who pretend to be drunken Australians when the heat goes on.








And that's just some of their good points!

I object to foul-mouthed, the rest I can live with.

[prendrelemick]

Page Three! (how appropriate)

Ooo Athiest, I hope for your sake the ladies from the coughy thread don't catch that reference.

[The Atheist]

I object to foul-mouthed, the rest I can live with.

Ok, I withdraw that baseless accusation but shall let all the others stand!

Ooo Athiest, I hope for your sake the ladies from the coughy thread don't catch that reference.

No chance. Cafes don't have those papers lying around.