Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[Nightshade]

Did you leave the room with your dignity intact? The whole of Lit, Net is waiting for a reply.

If you mean was that the one session when I wasnt inches from brain half of them with a copy of the Universal Decimal Classification Index refrancce books then kicking them while simulationsly trying to hold off 2 of the other members from commiting GBH and killing the lazy idiots one who thought it was a good idea to cheat and the other who thought that the rest of us could do the work for him, then yes, I did survive dignity intact.

Did I actually manage to get any work done, again yes so that was good.

Unfortunatly I did create an expectation that I would provide food everyweek. But hey by that point when it was feed them or kill them, i deicided the feed them route was more dignified!


Now if I had been really smarted Id have used them as guinea pigs for my new reccipies, but I didnt think of that.

playing it isnt interesting -it is the most frustrating thing in the world

No, I would say its cathartic especially if you imagine the ball is some horrid mean bully's face.
( oops now I sound violent! I am not really... )

[The Atheist]

Ashes, ashes about that, ccan anyone explain criccket to me?

Cricket?

Sorry, but Parker tells me the board have long since decided that cricket is not a polite subject for a gentlemen's establishment.

(Unless those filthy, sheep-stealing Australians lose.)

Athiest, do I detect a note of , what I can only describe as a smug satisfaction in your post? Just because the New Zealand rugby team win everything in sight dont get too bold.

No, you failed to detect the sardonic cynicism of a hardened sports follower from our fair isles.

Rugby team wins everything in sight? Which team is this? The Springboks?

We win most of the time, except when they get that little gold cup out. You know, the one with Webb-Ellis' name engraved on it? Once that sucker comes out, we play like the high school First XV the morning after the capatain's birthday party.

And we're crap at every other sport not involving boats.

Have you seen our cricket team? They call themselevs the "Black Caps". The only black cap associated with them ought to be the ones the judges used to put on for death senetences! They lost to Bangalore College for Young Ladies last year.

A Gunboat is on its way as we speak, never underestimate the British Empire.

Haha! You think our sports are bad, you want to see our defence forces. Actually, you can't see them, because we haven't got any! The only grunts with guns are the 103 in Afghanistan making war on gentle poppy-growers. Gunboat? You could send a bleeding fishing boat! Militarily, we make Iceland look like Israel.

No, I would say its cathartic especially if you imagine the ball is some horrid mean bully's face.
( oops now I sound violent! I am not really... )

You need a punching bag for that.

That's why golf is the most frustrating thing ever invented by humans. To hit the ball a long way, you need to hit it perfectly, not hard. I hate that in a game.

Great to watch on tv, though.

GO TIGER!!

Oh, and if jocky's still reading, our golf sucks, too. The Kiwi is tied for 135th in a field of 155. 8 over, christ, I could beat him.

[jocky]

Haha! You think our sports are bad, you want to see our defence forces. Actually, you can't see them, because we haven't got any! The only grunts with guns are the 103 in Afghanistan making war on gentle poppy-growers. Gunboat? You could send a bleeding fishing boat! Militarily, we make Iceland look like Israel.

Apparently the Maories are doing a sterling job out there. The latest intelligence reports state that the Taliban casualty rate is multiplying rapidly. The leadership are complaining about your countries new stealth weapon, the boomerang.

No, I would say its cathartic especially if you imagine the ball is some horrid mean bully's face.
( oops now I sound violent! I am not really... )

Cathartic is perhaps, not the expression I can relate to on the golf course. It takes a special kind of hubris to play golf. The amount of times I have missed the ' horrid mean bully's face ' with a three iron doesnt bear thinking about. Golf is a good walk ruined. As to that horrible experience you underwent, your tortuous explanation has completely redeemed your character.

Did I tell you about the time my old Sergeant Major pointed his pace stick in my chest? His face was bright red and the veins in his neck were protruding. He screamed in his booming military voice at me. ' Jocky there is a piece of excrement at the end of this stick' To which I replied ' Yes sir, but it is not at my end! ' I was peeling spuds and painting everything that didnt move in Catterick Garrison for six months. The guy had no sense of humour.

Ah yes, when "Psycho" became "Scapegoat"

Oh, how the mighty are fallen.

[LostPrincess13]

Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...

[The Atheist]

Did I tell you about the time my old Sergeant Major pointed his pace stick in my chest? His face was bright red and the veins in his neck were protruding. He screamed in his booming military voice at me. ' Jocky there is a piece of excrement at the end of this stick' To which I replied ' Yes sir, but it is not at my end! ' I was peeling spuds and painting everything that didnt move in Catterick Garrison for six months. The guy had no sense of humour.

I think you and me were a double act!

Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...

Much the same - jocky is progressing well with his English, we've shown some manly pictures, swapped fishing stories and have been pining for your return!

[prendrelemick]

Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...

LP, Thank goodness you're back. (The vacuum cleaner is where you left it.)

[jocky]

Much the same - jocky is progressing well with his English, we've shown some manly pictures, swapped fishing stories and have been pining for your return!

Thank you for the kind words Athiest. Just wait until I learn to multiquote.

Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...

Where were you, did you get lost Princess? Navigating your way round these endless shopping trips can cause amnesia and disorientation. Welcome back.

My old university professor had a sudden stroke and sadly passed away a couple of minutes after he learned I had got a degree. According to reliable witnesses the last words he muttered, with a look of abject terror on his face were: ' God help Academia if that moronic Scots git is let loose on genteel society ' What he meant by this, no one is certain. My own interpretation, for what it is worth is, it was the last ramblings of an old man who had obviously suffered some sort of traumatic experience. For some unknown reason I was turned away from his funeral.

[The Atheist]

As good a translation as any!

[jocky]

And another thing, why are ghosts in literature mainly of an aristocratic or middle class background? Royal ghosts always sell well and there is no shortage of green ladies, white ladies etc, etc. You even get lower middle class ghosts, the odd governess or two, but there are not too many Aggie the cleaner phantoms. Athiest, help me out here, could this have any bearing on the phsychology of middle class authors? Just a thought!

[LostPrincess13]

Much the same - jocky is progressing well with his English, we've shown some manly pictures, swapped fishing stories and have been pining for your return!

What part of the world is Mr. Jocky from? He's rather fluent to pass off as an English gentleman! And yes, I'll have the booze ready and the cleaning done gents...

LP, Thank goodness you're back. (The vacuum cleaner is where you left it.)

LOL! And I see how useful it has been since my absence!

Where were you, did you get lost Princess? Navigating your way round these endless shopping trips can cause amnesia and disorientation. Welcome back.

I got lost amongst papers, homework, and reports. But it has the same effect, i assure you. And I'm very pleased to meet you sir!

[prendrelemick]

And another thing, why are ghosts in literature mainly of an aristocratic or middle class background? Royal ghosts always sell well and there is no shortage of green ladies, white ladies etc, etc. You even get lower middle class ghosts, the odd governess or two, but there are not too many Aggie the cleaner phantoms. Athiest, help me out here, could this have any bearing on the phsychology of middle class authors? Just a thought!

working class ghosts are too busy cleaning boots and mucking out ghostly stables to go-a-haunting.

But why, when horses and large red eyed hounds get an afterlife, are there no ghostly midges or tape worms or bacteria? Imagine being haunted by scrofula.

[The Atheist]

And another thing, why are ghosts in literature mainly of an aristocratic or middle class background? Royal ghosts always sell well and there is no shortage of green ladies, white ladies etc, etc. You even get lower middle class ghosts, the odd governess or two, but there are not too many Aggie the cleaner phantoms. Athiest, help me out here, could this have any bearing on the phsychology of middle class authors? Just a thought!

Art imitating life.

You've heard of the ghost of Anne Boleyn, but have you ever heard of the ghost of Dorothy Smith of Cromer? Ghosts are sexy.

You just don't find working-class ghosts.

I think it's all a divine plot - even in death the poor folk get all the chores while the rich bastards have all the fun.

What part of the world is Mr. Jocky from? He's rather fluent to pass off as an English gentleman!

Oh no!

You've committed the cardinal sin of calling jocky English.

He's Scottish!

LOL! And I see how useful it has been since my absence!

Parker had a devil of a time figuring out which way the hose went in.

[LostPrincess13]

Oh no!

You've committed the cardinal sin of calling jocky English.

He's Scottish!

LOL! I faintly recall ajoke concerning the Scots, the English, and snakes...

[Niamh]

LOL! I faintly recall ajoke concerning the Scots, the English, and snakes...

Do tell!

[jocky]

English gentleman! And yes, I'll have the booze ready and the cleaning done gents...

LostPrincess, your literary skills are peerless, with just two words you have managed to unhinge me. All is forgiven though, anyone capable of cleaning up this thread has my undying admiration. As for the Scotsman, Englishman and snake story, its not the one about the kick in the bollocks is it?

working class ghosts are too busy cleaning boots and mucking out ghostly stables to go-a-haunting.

But why, when horses and large red eyed hounds get an afterlife, are there no ghostly midges or tape worms or bacteria? Imagine being haunted by scrofula.

Prendrelemick, you are unsurpassable in the art of deep philosophical thinking. Jocky has been haunted for many years now by my wife, unfortunately she is still alive.

[QUOTE=The Atheist;763828]
Ghosts are sexy.

Clearly Athiest, you have never had a spectral encounter with my great, great grannie Agnes. Just looking at her portrait is enough to turn your veins to ice and make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. We tried to have her exorcised but finding a brave enough priest proved impossible. Dorothy Smith of Cromer, now that defenitely rings a bell.

Do tell!

Niamh if its the one I am thinking about, you really do not want to hear it. It involves hens, eggs, neighbourly tragedies and male genitals, need I go on!